Sweet Serial Killer
Category: TV Shows » Vampire Diaries
Author: JustLola
Language: English, Rating: Rated: M

Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Disclaim : I do not own Vampire Dairies. Or any song, movie or artist I refer to in this fanfiction.

Lols

Chapter 18

On the warpath,
'Cause I love you

My mind has gone completely silent as I lay in my bed, I keep on looking at the ceiling. I don't know what to think at the moment, I know I had almost killed Dr Barbie, but I would be doing the world a solid favour if I did it. The only thing that kept on replying in my mind was Elena, and how I tried to justify my act by saying I did it for Elena. I think she's angry at me for pulling that stunt because I know I would have been beyond angry. But I just could not help it, I needed to stand up for her, I needed to do something to put her in her fucking place. But the more I tried to tell myself that the more I felt disappointed in myself because I could not justify my acts of today. There was no way it could be justified.

I look to the window and it's seems to be cloudy outside tonight, there was not moon in sight and I missed the light it always seem to shine into my room. I don't even know what time it is. I just know it's late, past 23:00 PM most likely or it could even be past 00:00PM, I could not be sure. I know that Elena promised she would come to visit tonight but I doubt she would after what happened earlier today. I just knew that I couldn't be that murder that stepped into this hospital a few weeks ago if I wanted to be with her. I couldn't be the same person as before because I couldn't pull her into this mess, into my mess. She was too pure for that. I sigh and turn on my side to look at the wall, I feel restless and I doubt that I would be sleeping tonight. Today was just a bad day overall, after the kiss I witnessed, and then the session, revealing some of my ugly past and then the whole fucking thing in the recreation room and the incident with Dr Barbie. This day has been one of the worse days yet at this hospital. What a record.

"You asleep yet?" her voice is soft as it flows through the opening of my cell door and I instantly sit up to look, to verify if it really is her. Elena was here, she came just like she said she would. Her eyes meet mine for a few seconds and I give her a soft smile but I already know that I scared the shit out of her today, I doubt that she would be coming into my cell tonight, I doubt that she would be having a session with me without the jacket that forced onto me after the incident, luckily they removed it before Dinner. Ric was nice enough to leave it off. But he refused to speak to me, not even one word was muttered by him. I could guess why and I think that I deserve it.

"No, not yet." I call to her as I continue to watch her from the distance, she looks to the side towards the guard's office and then I hear the familiar sound of the lock of my door being unlocked, if moves to the side revealing her small frame in the dim light that is streaming in from the hall lights. She gives me a knowing look before she takes a deep breath and she takes a step into my cell closing the door behind her again. "I thought you wouldn't come." I say and I sound pathetic I know it, I sound soft but I have stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won't apologize because I missed her, or because I said it. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don't want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest. And I would always be honest to Elena, well to a point.

"Why wouldn't I?" she asks a but unsure as she walks to me, she stands in front of me for a few seconds as I look up at her not wanting to move, it seems that she was waiting for something, for me to do something, I shakily rise to my feet and at first she seems startled but she gives me half a smile before wrapping her arms around my waist securely. I sigh in relieve, it seems that I didn't scare her that much if she was here hugging me. I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer to me, holding her dearly to my chest. I take her in, from the clothes she is wearing to the smell of her hair.

"I thought I scared you today, after what happened." I answer back to her and she pulls her head from my chest to meet my eyes. I have noticed that she has this thing about looking into my eyes when she speaks to me, I'm not sure whether it has anything to do about our connection or she does it just to gag all my expressions but I just seem more at ease when she does it because I feel like I have all her attention on me when she stares into my eyes.

"Sometimes the things that you love scares you." She replies and her voice is soft and I can't help it but pull her close to me again, she lays her head on me chest and I can thank my lucky stars for her, that she was so understanding. She was just amazing.

"Thank you for loving me." I whisper as I place my chin on her head, the smell of her hair fills my senses and I just take in a deep breath, consumed by every bit of her as I hold her close to me. Sometimes we need to stop and say 'thank you for loving me'. It is such a simple thing to say yet it carried so much weight, whether it is with a significant other while you both read your books or it's with a friend who has been with you through thick and thin or it is to a family member who has loved you from the start. Those words, that thought, the action of saying it to them with purpose and truth can mean the world to them. Because after all, they mean enough for you to say 'thank you for loving me'.

She cuddle closer nuzzling her nose in my chest. "I should actually thank you." She murmurs into my chest and I crack a smile at that.

"Why?" I ask curious, why would she want to thank me? I had done nothing for her, well not yet that is. And there wasn't really anything that I could do, my hands were tied and would be most of the time if Ric had his way with that stupid jacket. I could see the disapproving look he gave me as he pulled me off of Dr Barbie and the silent treatment that followed.

"I wanted to choke the living shit out of that little blonde tramp." Elena says and I chuckle at that, it's strange how Elena has changed since I came here, the woman I met about two weeks ago would never have hurt a fly and now here she wanted to choke another person. I have created a monster. "I mean I would have been in deep shit if I did get my hands on her and I did it." She continues as I start to move towards the bed, pulling her on top of me as I lay down on the bed and she willingly follows.

"I want to justify my actions of today by saying that I had done it for you but the psychotic sociopath killer in me just wanted to have a peak on how life used to be for me." I say and that about sums up how I was currently feeling, I settle into my bed and I let Elena shift and change position and soon she is next to me her head on my chest, her arm lazily hanging over my stomach as she keeps me in place. I place a protective arm around her small frame and pull her closer to me. "I don't know what came over me." I say in an apologetic tone and I really mean it because I shouldn't even have done something in the first place.

"It's okay, don't worry about it." Elena says turning her head to look up at me and I give her a smile as I look down to her glistering eyes how the hell she was this calm about the whole situation was beyond me, I hope she didn't take any medication, I take a closer look at her eyes but they seem fine, no signs of anything strange. "She won't tell so don't worry about it." Elena says and I frown, how the hell did she get Dr Barbie not to tell, I raise a brow and at this Elena smiles towards me. This feels so strange and I'm not sure if I should trust it.

"How?" I ask truly curious and I watch as Elena pulls her lower lip into her mouth lightly sucking at it. She drove me crazy when she did that and I think she was doing this on purpose.

"I won't complain about her if she doesn't tell Josette about what you did. And if she does then I will tell Josette how she withdrew you from your cell without any supervision, that right there is her down fall and might even cost her, her job here at the hospital, she's going to very careful now." Elena says as a matter of fact and I don't miss the authority in her voice as she turns her head from me and I rest my head on the pillow. That did make some sense but did she really get Dr Barbie to fall for that? Hmm interesting. "Would you have killed her if we didn't pull you off of her?" Elena asks and now I can understand why she didn't want to look me in my eyes when she asked that question. I mean I know how conflicted she would be if I did kill the little tramp and I wouldn't be able to look myself in the eyes as well.

"No." I reply as I take a deep breath and I watch as her head moves up and down in union with my chest. I would not have killed her, even if I was given the chance, I know what would have happened to me if I did, I would be taken away and I would surely never see Elena again, and I could not have that, not now. They would give me a one way ticket right to the death penalty and I am way to pretty to die at the moment.

"Thank you." I hear her say but the words is somewhat of a mumble. She was mumbling it into my chest, like she didn't really want me to hear it but she shifts again in my arm as she settles in and gets comfortable again, something was off about her tonight and I just can't put my finger on it, maybe I am just paranoid and its rubbing off on her. "If one of us did end up killing her then we would be in deep shit right now." Elena explains and I already knew that, she didn't have to tell me twice, I was already on my last chance and if I fucked it up I would be taken away surely or given another doctor and I doubt I could scare them into giving me back to Elena this time around.

"I know." I reply, my hand is lightly on her arm as I hold her in place and I rub small little circles on her soft skin. "That won't happen again." I say and I feel her nod her head because this already put her in an awkward position, I mean what if rent-a-cop told the head of the hospital, what if his friend decided to spill the beans? But I don't doubt that Elena doesn't have it under control. It seems like she has everything under control and I find it hard to except that my fate was solely in her hands, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Damon…" I listen to her call my name and I look down to the mass of brown hair sprawled across my shoulder. "I don't know what's going on with me…" She trails off and I want to place my hand on her face and make her look at me because that statement… I don't understand what she was saying. "Everything is just so… I don't know, I think that somehow you're affecting my judgement, how I think and what I do, I feel like I'm becoming just like you." Elena says and my eyes are open wide at this. What the hell was she talking about?

"What do you mean by that?" I ask and I know I sound upset and I am to tell you the truth because what did she mean by that and for the first time in a long time I have been caught off guard and I had no idea what to say or what to do about the situation. It was untouched ground with me.

"I think I'm losing my mind." She softly says and she still refused to look at me, to face me. "I'm broken." Her words cut deeper than I thought because she's implying that I am the reason that she is losing her mind and that I am the one breaking her, I can't help but feel offended, it meant something to me that wouldn't mean anything to someone else that listened to her. I chuckle at her trying my best to keep the situation calm, to keep myself in check and finally she lifts her face to look at me there is a deep frown present on her beautiful face, so I lean down and kiss the top of her head. I am conflicted, I'm not sure what thought is relevant or what to think but right now I just needed to be calm and I need to be there for her and assure her that what she is saying is not true.

"You do know that one person's craziness is another person's reality." I say and my voice is full of humour but the thing is, we both knew that I wasn't crazy nor was she, we just understood and experienced everything differently than other people and our reality differed from the rest of the world. We weren't losing our minds nor were we broken because we were almost the same person, I saw how her judgement changed, there I could agree, I saw her change in mind and it was normal, that what happened when you fall in love with someone and that was justifiable.

"Damon." She warns sternly but I stop her before she has a chance to continue, I needed to convince her that everything was okay, she wasn't losing her mind, she wasn't broken and I wasn't the cause.

"The most beautiful amongst us all seem to be slightly broken, woman especially. The ones worth knowing are beyond repair. She'll always be slightly off centered. A clock, never set perfectly, but you knew could still sing beautifully. And fools we are for attempting to fix her. Just read her, learn her, love her. Don't try to make sense of her past, or dare predict her future. Who she was, is not who she is, and is certainly not who she would be. You're not meant to understand her entirely. Because she's not sure who she is exactly. Let her sing her song. Watch her dance wildly to it. It's her time. Repairing that would only break her heart. And I'd rather be ripped apart from her, than rip a past from her." I say and her eyes are wide as she listens to my every word. She knows that I am talking about her, every word described her perfectly and she knew it.

She blinks a few times and then rests her head on my chest again breaking our eye contact, she can't seem to keep eye contact with me tonight. I know she was fighting the darkness with the light, she was winning but barely holding on, everyone thought she was a perfect girl, and no one knew the inner battle she fought, the demons were too real and it's all she was currently feeling. I move my hand to her hair and slightly stroke it in order to calm her, I know that she's all over the place right now.

"I love you." I say softly to the top of her head and I can feel her small body shake, she's on the verge of tears and I guess everything finally became too much for her. I became too overwhelming for her. Her mind was all over the place bending in ways she thought was not possible and it was my fault. "Elena?" I call to her and I can feel the wetness on my shirt from her tears.

"Hmm?" she mumbles back unable to form words.

"When I say 'I love you,' it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I have seen the best and worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a person." I say and I feel her small body move again. I can hear her broken chuckle, and I can see the smile that is now forming on her lips as soon as the words sink in.

"Suddenly losing your mind doesn't seem all that bad." Elena says and I can feel her body shiver but it's not the weather effecting her. "You know you make broken seem beautiful." She continues to say with a hushed voice.

"Without our brokenness, we would have never known that we can join our pieces and we are whole." I say and I feel her move again as she violently try to wipe at the stray tears that was still lingering on her cheeks, she looks up at me her eyes still glistering and I'm not sure whether it was with unshed tears or unspoken feelings.

"Strangely enough it's always the broken souls who are always trying to fix others." Elena says before she moves up my body and her lips meet mine in a soft yet passionate kiss. She's a mixture of sweet and saltiness but I enjoy every second of her as I consume her mouth, our mouths moves together and I do still taste her tears on her lips but that all disappears when I invade her mouth with my tongue. Yet I didn't plan any more than a heated kiss with her for tonight, emotional she was not stable and I wouldn't push this on her, she would just over think this, over analysis this. I pull from her and I see a small smile on her beautiful face.

"I guess." I say with a smile mirroring her own, she lightly pulls back and then settles next to me again. "Anything else that has been on you mind?" I ask curious to know what else she was currently thinking, what was going on in her strange and cluttered mind.

"Do you know the girl you left alive?" Elena asks and at this I freeze, not sure what she meant, she was full of confusing questions and statements tonight, why on earth she would even be asking this, unless she has been thinking of this the whole day and it has been plaguing her mind which I would understand because I jumped all this information on her this morning.

"What do you mean?" I ask shifting to the point where we both lay on our sides facing each other, I needed to read her, to watch her expressions on this, analysis it. There must be a reason why she would bring it up.

"I mean you said that if the state wanted to find her they wouldn't, would you know how to find her?" I contemplate telling her for a few seconds what I am really thinking but decide against it, if I wanted to find the girl I could, and she wasn't even hiding really.

"I could." I reply and I know I am being evasive, well not evasive but I would not discuss this matter in full detail at the moment but this needs to be done. I needed to keep this information from Elena and I had a pretty good reason why.

The thing is, the one that got away, the one that I just let go without even giving a second thought of the consciences, that girl was Elena well is Elena, it was the girl I was currently sharing a bed with and who was staring at me with her doe eyes. Elena was the one that got away. If you look at the bigger picture it all does fit in to place, it was right after her brother's death when I found her and she was high as a kite, doing drugs and drinking her life away when she saw me coming out of that house. I only realised this after Monday because I knew Elena looked familiar but never really knew from where I knew her and believe me it was a shocker for me as well. I mean here I was falling head over heels for my lovely doctor and then I figure out hell I almost killed her a few years ago. She isn't the same person she was back then, she's completely different now, a lot less fucked up on drugs, and she's not that sad girl begging me to take her life. She was anything but sad, and she wasn't begging me to kill her. It was mind blowing at first I know. But every time I look into those doe brown eyes I saw that girl. It's strange how things sometimes come together right? The only thing was I couldn't tell Elena, she couldn't know because then all of this would be over within a wink of an eye. And I am not sure what would happen if this ends.

"But let's just forget about that, I really do not like talking about it." I say emphasizing the fact that I did not want to discuss this matter any further as I give her a knowing look and she knows that she should not push the matter, I could see that deep down inside of her she still feared me but I could not blame her because sometimes I feared myself. I continue to stare at her eyes they seems darker than usual but I guess it's because it's dark in my room tonight, there was no moon to aluminate her.

"Okay…" She says slightly reaching out with her one hand to take my hand, she lightly squeezes it and I give her a smile or I attempt to. I reach other with my other hand placing my thumb on her cheek and I stroke it, softly and tenderly. I would never do anything to hurt this girl, she got to me once, and that one time changed everything. Maybe this was fate. I might consider believing that again because this could not be coincidence that she was now my doctor. "Then tell me something." She mumbles, clearly she didn't want silence to fill the room tonight and I search her eyes for something anything that she might want to know.

"Something." I say smirking and at this she shakes her head giggling softly to herself.

"Come on, Damon." She continues rolling her eyes at me, what could I possibly tell her? I look up at the head set of my bed then back to her small frame next to me. "Tell me what's your biggest fear?" Elena asks and I find her question almost fascinating. But to really think of it I remain silent for a few seconds. With everything going through my mind at the moment I'm not sure how to answer her, or how to react or what to think. I felt like I was losing my mind at the moment.

My biggest fear would be that she would find out who she really was. I can't begin to explain what would happen to her, to me, to everything the day she finds out that she was the girl that got away, the girl who lived and here I almost sound like I am talking about Harry Potter but I wasn't, this was Elena and it was much more different then a fictional story about a wizard. But there was something else that I feared even more then her finding out the truth. "I fear myself." I say and my voice barely carries to her ears but it's true, I feared myself, I feared what I had become, the killer, the murderer.

"Why?" she asks softly leaning into my touch.

"I fear myself, because of what I had become. The monster, the killer, the sociopath. 10 years ago I was an aspiring doctor, I wanted to help people I wanted to heal the world. And now, look at me, I am this country's most renowned serial killer destroying everything that I touch." I say and I break eye contact as I look down, I look to where our hands are held within each other. "I didn't want to be this monster you know. But now I can't be anything but this monster." I continue to speak glancing at her eyes every now and again to gag her reaction.

"Things happen in life and they change a person." Elena says but I shake my head because I can't justify my acts on that, I can't just say that things in my life changed and that's why I am the way I am. It doesn't work like that, it never has, and never will.

"Nothing happened in my life to drastically change who I was, I choose to be this person I am. There is no way you can justify that. I am who I am, I don't feel guilty for what I did, I don't feel bad and that's just a part of me that will never change. I am who I am." I say, I had enough of tonight I had enough of this conversation, I just had enough. Tonight was too much thinking, too much lingering. I roll onto my back and soon my feet reaches the floor and I am standing. I move away from the bed, the window felt like the best option at the moment because I needed air, I needed a fresh breath of air that was just beyond my reach. Even thou I feared myself and who I was, the scary thing was that I embraced it and that was what I feared.

I look out of the window and it's cloudy, it's probably going to rain. I wanted it to rain, I would feel better if it did rain. "Damon." Elena calls to me and I glance towards her, she's sitting up in my bed now, her eyes fixed on me, following my every move. It made me even wonder why she could love me, a few minutes ago I was the one comforting her and here I was doubting her. But on a serious note who could love a monster like me? "I'm not trying to justify anything. I know who you are, I know that you are who you are and no one is going to change that, not even me, and I don't think that I can change it or want to. I would not change anything with you because then I would not love you unconditionally." Elena says and I turn from her. I still can't phantom why she loves me but I believe her when she says she loved me. "Come back to bed, please." Elena says. I sigh loudly but comply and move back to my bed taking my place next to her.

Hey Guys I know this is a short chapter, but just another stepping stone in the story. And I promises a second update before the week ended. This chapter, it's hard to explain, but it's an internal battle for Damon. He's bad and he knows it but he's good to Elena. He tries to justify his acts because with each action there are consciences. But I'm working on Chapter 19 so hopefully you'll see it Monday! And I see where all of you are going with the chapters, I don't want to drag it out too much but I don't want to cut it short, so let's say any number between 24 and 30 chapters. But like I said when you read Stefan's name it's the end. Thank you to everyone that read the previous chapter and left me your thoughts! You are amazing! AMAZING! Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Shout outs –

TVDFan245 – She's here… I think most people thought it would be her. But there is a reason why she shouldn't know that just yet. Thanks for your support and reviews! Please don't die on me before the end! XD

NinasGirlxo - This chapter explains what's going on in Damon's mind, but it's a constant battle within him.

kfulmer7 – Olivia is one of those girls that wants what other have, or she just wants everything. I love surprising you so I hope this was another surprise. And this chapter needed to be shorter, there is a lot going on right now. But next chapter will be just as enjoyable.

Mel – Elena right now is all over the place, Her mind set is changing, her mood is changing, she is changing and the thing is she can't help it, She reacted that way to Olivia because just like Damon is possessive she is to but it doesn't justify the act.

Shelley – I am glad you enjoyed the previous chapter. Ric plays a big role in this as well because he met Damon before and he's somewhat understanding to what is going on because he knows Damon. Olivia always wants what she can't have, sometimes she ends up having it like Tyler but with Damon… Never a chance in hell. And I am happy that I keep you guessing.

Margie – Damon is … I will continue that at the end of this Story. Sorry! Thanks for the review!

Cat1961 – Sorry this chapter is so short thought! As long as I keep you guessing then it's a good thing. Well see the chapters thought, I'll keep it between 24 and 30.

soccerlover21 – I'm glad you love the chapter. Thank you for reviewing and enjoy this chapter!

Melissa D – Guess what? Chapter 18. It's here too! :p And I was… drifting between fantasies on how I want this to play out and be enjoyable for my readers. But SSK is the 3rd most important thing in my life! Besides my Hubby and my Cats! Liv likes anything that is male… Tyler can never be enough LOL. Elena's side of the story is in the next chapter. And 100 chapters? That would take me like forever! LOL Kidding, but I already have a new idea for my next story! But this isn't ending just yet!

Remember to R&R and thank you all for being amazing! Let me know what you think!