First Anniversary by Richard Matheson
Just before he left the house on Thursday morning, Adeline asked him "Do I taste sour to you?"
Norman looked at her reproachfully.
"Well, do I?"
He slipped his arms around her waist and nibbled at her throat.
"Tell me now." said Adeline.
Norman looked submissive.
"Aren't you gonna let me live it down?" He asked.
"Well, you said it, darling. And on out first anniversary too."
He pressed his cheek to hers.
"So I said it." He murmured. "Can't I be allowed a faux pas now and then?"
"You still haven't answered me."
"Do you taste sour? Of course, you don't."
He held her close and breathed the fragrance of her hair.
"Forgiven?"
She kissed the tip of his nose and smiled and once more, he could only marvel at the fortune when it bestowed upon him, such a magnificent wife. Starting their second year of marriage, they were still like honeymooners. Norman raised her face and kissed her.
"Be damned!" He said.
"What's wrong? Am I sour again?"
"No." He looked confused. "Now I can't taste you at all."
"Now you can't taste her at all?" said Dr. Phillips.
Norman smiled. "I know it sounds ridiculous." He said.
"Well, it's unique. I'll give it that." said Phillips.
"More than you think." added Norman, his smile had grown a trifle labored.
"How so?"
"I have no trouble tasting anything else."
Dr. Phillips peered at him awhile before he spoke, "Can you smell her?" He asked then.
"Yes."
"You're sure."
"Yes. What's that got to do with-" Norman stopped. "You mean that the senses of taste and smell go together?" He said.
Phillips nodded. "If you can smell her, you should be able to taste her."
"I suppose." said Norman. "But I can't."
Dr. Phillips grunted wryly. "Quite a poser."
"No ideas?" asked Norman.
"Not offhand." said Phillips. "Though I suspect it's allergy of some kind."
Norman looked disturbed.
"I hope to find out soon." He said.
Adeline looked up from her stirring as he came into the kitchen.
"What did Dr. Phillips say?"
"That I'm allergic to you."
"He didn't say that." She scolded.
"Sure he did."
"Be serious now."
"He said I have to take some allergy tests."
"He doesn't think it's anything to worry about, does he?" asked Adeline.
"No."
"Oh, good." She looked relieved.
"Good, nothing." He grumbled. "The taste of you is one of the few pleasures I have in life."
"You stop that." She removed his hands and went on stirring. Norman slid his arm around her and rubbed his nose on the back of her neck.
"Wish I could taste you." He said. "I like your flavor."
She reached up and caressed his cheek.
"I love you." She said.
Norman twitched and made a startled noise.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
He sniffed. "What's that?" He looked around the kitchen.
"Is the garbage out?" He asked.
She answered quietly, "Yes, Norman."
"Well, something sure as hell smells awful in here. Maybe..." He broke off, seeing the expression on her face. She pressed her lips together and, suddenly, it dawned on him.
"Honey, you don't think I'm saying..."
"Well, are you?" Her voice was faint and trembling.
"Adeline, come in."
"First, I taste sour. Now-"
He stopped her with a lingering kiss.
"I love you." He said. "Understand? I love you. Do you think I'd try to hurt you?"
She shivered in his arms.
"You do hurt me." She whispered. He held her close and stroked her hair. He kissed her gently on the lips, the cheeks, the eyes. He told her again and again how much he loved her. He tried to ignore the smell.
Instantly, his eyes were open and he was listening. He stared up sightlessly into the darkness. Why had he woken up? He turned his head and reached across the mattress. As he touched her, Adeline stirred a little in her sleep. Norman twisted over on his side and wriggled close to her. He pressed against the yielding warmth of her body, his hand slipping languidly across her hip. He lay his cheek against her back and started drifting downward into sleep again.
Suddenly, his eyes flared open. Aghast, he put his nostrils to her skin and sniffed. An icy barb of dread hooked at his brain; My god, what's wrong? He sniffed again, harder. He lay against her, motionless, trying not to panic. If his senses of taste and smell were atrophying, he could understand, accept. They weren't, though. Even as he lay there, he could taste the acrid flavor of the coffee that he'd drunk that night. He could smell the faint odor of mashed-out cigarettes in the ashtray on his bedside table. With the least effort, he could smell the wool of the blanket over them.
Then why? She was the most important thing in his life. It was torture to him that, bits and pieces, she was fading from his senses.
It had been a favorite restaurant since their days of courtship. They liked the food, the tranquil atmosphere, the small ensemble which plated for dining and for dancing. Searching in his mind, Norman had chosen it as the place where they could best discuss the problem. Already, he was sorry that he had. There was no atmosphere that could relieve the tension he was feeling and expressing.
"What else could it be?" He asked, unhappily. "It's nothing physical." He pushed aside his untouched supper. "It's got to be my mind."
"But why, Norman?"
"If I only knew." He answered.
She put her hand on his. "Please don't worry." She said.
"How can I help it?" He asked. "It's a nightmare. I've lost part of you, Adeline."
"Darling, don't." She begged. "I can't bear to see you unhappy."
"I am unhappy. He said. He rubbed a finger on the tablecloth. "And I've just about made up my mind to see an analyst." He looked up. "It's got to be my mind." He repeated. "And damnit! I resent it! I want to root it out!"
He forced a smile, seeing the fear in her eyes.
"Oh, the hell with it." He said. "I'll go to an analyst. He'll fix me up. Come on, let's dance."
She managed to return his smile.
"Lady, you're just plain gorgeous." He told her as they came together on the dance floor.
"Oh, I love you so." She whispered.
It was in the middle of their dance that the feel of her began to change. Norman held her tightly, his cheek forced close to hers so that she wouldn't see the sickened expression on his face.
"And now it's gone?" finished Dr. Bernstrom.
Norman expelled a burst of smoke and jabbed out his cigarette on the ashtray.
"Correct." He said angrily.
"When?"
"This morning." answered Norman. The skin grew taut across his cheeks. "No taste, no smell," He shuddered fitfully. "And now, no sense of touch."
His voice broke. "What's wrong?!" He pleaded. "What kind of breakdown is this?!"
"Not an incomprehensible one." said Bernstrom.
Norman looked at him anxiously.
"What then?" He asked. "Remember what I said. It has to do only with my wife outside of her."
"I understand." said Bernstrom.
"Then what is it?!"
"You've heard of hysterical blindness?"
"Yes."
"Hysterical deafness?"
'Yes, but-"
"Is there any reason then? There couldn't be any hysterical restraint to the other senses as well?"
"Alright, but why?"
Dr. Bernstrom smiled.
"That, I presume," He said. "Is why you came to see me."
Sooner or later, the notion had to come. No amount of love could stay it. It came now as he sat alone in the living room staring at a blur of letters on a newspaper page. Look at the facts. Last Wednesday night, he'd kissed her and, frowning, said "You taste sour, honey". She tightened, drawn away. At the time, he had taken her reaction as it's obvious value. She felt insulted. Now he tried to sum up a detailed memory of her behavior afterwards. Because, on Thursday morning, he'd been unable to taste her at all.
Norman glanced guiltily toward the kitchen where Adeline was cleaning up. Except for her occasional footsteps, the house was silent. Look at the facts, his mind persisted. He leaned back in the chair and started to review them. Next, on Saturday, had come that dankly fetid stench. Granted, she should feel resentment if he'd accuse her of being it's source. But he hadn't. He was sure of it. He'd looked around the kitchen, asked her if she had put the garbage out. Yet, instantly, she assumed that he was talking about her. And, that night, when he's woken up, he couldn't smell her.
Norman closed his eyes. His mind must really be in trouble is he could justify such thoughts. He loved Adeline, needed her. How could he allow himself to believe that she was, in any way, responsible for what had happened? Then, in the restaurant, his mind went on, unbidden, while they were dancing, she'd suddenly felt cold to him. She suddenly felt - he could not evade the world - pulpy.
And then, this morning...
Norman flung aside the paper. Stop it! Trembling, he stared across the room with angry, frightened eyes. It's me, he told himself, me! He wasn't going to let his mind destroy the most beautiful thing in his life He wasn't going to let-
It was is if he'd turned to stone, lips parted, eyes widened, blank. Then, slowly, so slowly that he heard the delicate cracking of bones in his neck. He turned to looked toward the kitchen. Adeline was moving around. Only it wasn't footsteps he heard.
He was barely conscious of his body as he stood. Compelled, he had drifted from the living room and across the dining alcove, slippers noiseless on the carpeting. He stopped outside the kitchen door, his face a mask of something like revulsion as he listened to the sound she made in moving. Silence then. Bracing himself, he pushed open the door. Adeline was standing at the open refrigerator. She turned and smiled.
"I was just about to bring you..." She stopped and looked at him uncertainly. "Norman?" She said.
He couldn't speak. He stood frozen in the doorway, staring at her.
"Norman, what is it?" She asked. He shivered violently. Adeline put down the dish of chocolate pudding and hurried towards him. He couldn't help himself. He shrank back with a tremulous cry. His face twisted, stricken.
"Norman, what's the matter?"
"I don't know!" He whimpered.
Again, she started for him, halting at his cry of terror. Suddenly, her face grew hardest with angry understanding.
"What is it now?" She asked. "I want to know."
He could only shake his head.
"I want to know, Norman!"
"No."
Faintly, frighteningly. She pressed trembling lips together.
"I can't take much more of this." She said. "I mean it, Norman."
He jerked aside as she passed him. Twisting around, he watched her going up the stairs. His expression one of horror as he listened to the noises that she made. Jamming palsy hands across his ears, he stood shivering uncontrollably. It's me, he told himself again, again until the words began to lose their meaning. It's me, it's me, it's me, it's me, it's me! Upstairs, the bedroom door slammed shut.
Norman lowered his hands and moved unevenly to the stairs. She had to know that he loved her, that he wanted to believe it was his mind. She had to understand. Opening the bedroom door, he felt his way through the darkness and sat on the bed. He heard her turn and knew that she was looking at him.
"I'm sorry." He said. "I'm...sick."
"No." She said. Her voice was lifeless.
Norman stared at her. "What?"
"There's no problem with other people. Our friends, tradesmen..." She said. "They don't see me enough. With you, it's different. We're together too often. The strain of hiding it from you hour after hour, day after day, for a whole year, is too much for me. I've lost the power to control your mind. All I can do is blank away your senses one by one."
"You're not-"
"-telling you those things are real? I am. They're real. The taste, the smell, the...and what you heard tonight."
He sat immobile, staring at the dark form of her.
"I should have taken all your senses when it started." She said. "It would have been easy then. Now it's too late."
"What are you talking about?" He could barely speak.
"It isn't fair!" cried her voice. "I've been a good wife to you! Why should I have to go back?! I won't go back! I'll find somebody else! I won't make the same mistake next time!"
Norman jerked away from her and stood on wavering legs, his fingers clutching for the lamp.
"Don't tough it!" ordered the voice.
The light flared blindingly into his eyes. He heard a thrashing on the bed and whirled. He couldn't even scream. Sound coagulated in his throat as he watched the shapeless mass rear upward, dripping decay.
"Alright!" The words exploded in his brain with the illusion of sound. "Alright, then know me!"
All his senses flooded back at once. The air was clotted with the smell of her. Norman recoiled, lost balance, fell. He saw the moldering dead bulk rise from the bed and start for him. Then his mind was swallowed in consuming blackness and it seemed as if he had fled along a nice, swept hall, pursued by a suppliant voice which kept repeating endlessly, "Please! I don't want to go back! None of us want to go back! Love me! Let me stay with you! Love me, love me, love me!"