Chapter 39. I Am A Trolling Genious, lolz.

Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX.

I just want to say that I love this girl. I love her so much and I wouldn't like to add much commentary to this cause it's already pretty perfect.

AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl,I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. We all love you and will support you. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.

And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps."

I, the American retail wearing british vampire Sue, coughed up blood.

Satan kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue."

Thank you so much.

Satan sobbed. "I love you Ebony."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.

B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. This girl deserves some cookies. She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle, Have I told you how much I love you? and every single gothic person she could think of.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened. That's perfectly normal. No explanation required.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.

And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married. *Looks at her with adoring eyes* Have my babies…

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time. So like two weeks?

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occured to her...

For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Thank you so much for this Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.

Ebony supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister. The horrors.

Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it. Yes! Ebony deserves it.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" Now you know how we feel Ebony Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.

Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."

/End Crap Fic. On behalf of the entire planet: Thank you Miss. Genius Troll.

AN/ Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here:

AN: stfu prepz git a lif111111 U SUCK! 11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111

AN: STFU preps get a life 111111 You suck! 11 Oh and from now on I'll be in vacation in "Englind" until like August so I won't be able to update for a while, lolz. Thanks to everyone who reviewed except the preps who flamed. FUCK YOU! MCR RULES 666! 111

I woke up in da Norse's offace on a special gothik coffin. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite Because your boyfriends chained him to the ground and beat him up me in a comma coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room. Cats do like to clean up.

"Oh mi satan wut happened!" Even Satan's like: Don't put this on me. It's all you bitch I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came.He loked less mean then usual. Okay…

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded. Won't it be funny if she tells the dark lord that she was in bed and sick so she needs to rest and voldemort goes: I'm sorry madam. I'll be back tommrow. Get well soon.

"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11"he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective. All selective? She selected what kind of tears she can cry? #Gothproblems

"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked. He's here to kill you and your boyfriends and you are worried about him. Sometimes I wonder how your brain functions. How does it not just implode on itself?

Sudenly…. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD. Black boxes? What?

"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111" Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B'lody Mary. Where's Draco in all of this?

"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now? I wish *Sighs sadly* " I gosped.

"Enoby u were almost shot! Almost but not quite 11" said Serious. Seriously "But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time." That's not how time works

"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms! What a fucking surprise!

"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.

"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James. Snap was possessed by Snap? This is some next level demonic possession where you posses yourself.

"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer."

"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11" Yes that's the important part. He was Death Eater and that's all cool but he was such a prep that's the important bit. said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him."Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. For what? I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride. in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.Even cats hate Goths!

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally. Asked gothically? How do you do that?

"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax.

Hoes of wax?

That sounds like some weird horror/porn parody.

" said Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum No thanks on!1"

I got up suicidally. Oh please Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u) Can we just like DDOS her or something?. I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. I have a strong urge to burn down Hot Topics now I left the hospital's wings wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow. Celebrate that Ebony didn't die because of some stupid time law?

"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire. Harry, act like a man for the love of god.

"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz Yay 666!11" said Hermoine. We opened da conmen room door sexily. Sexahliy And den…..I gasped… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap What. The. Actual. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. You.

!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz. Really? That's what you are concentrating on? You know your boyfriend is having sex with someone who is accused of murdering you and is a deatheater and you are worried about their clothing? Ebony you mediocre prep!

"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily. Hahahaha. I have lost faith in humanity.

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun. I mean at least let them finish. Huehuehue.

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's. I actually just gagged in real life. Holy shit that's a really BAD mental picture.

"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out. I too eat when I'm stressed. It's a bad habit.

"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again. Can you die this time? Like for real?

ORLY?

YAASSSS BITCH!

Sincerely,

An-Anon-Author-Who-Will-Silently-Not-Reveal-Her-Identity-Because-She's-A-Coward :P

A.K.A. Just a troll with rocks for brains.

I love you so much. Thank you for this.