Chapter 41.
AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait! 1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox! 111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111
AN: OMG the new books is coming out really soon. (She follows the Harry Potter books?) I can't wait! 1111 I think that snape will really be the same person as Voldemort cause they are both half blood (Voldemort isn't half blooded. Oh wait…his father was a muggle. Tara actually got something right!) so that will explain why he killed Dumbledore and he hated Harry! (Sorry to burst your bubble Tara.)1111 And then Harry will have to commit suicide so Voldemort will die cause he will really be a horacrux! 111 OMG I hope draco and harry get together that will be so "shmexxy", won't it? If they don't then JKR is homophobic! (Lol Yes, If two characters who are literally rivals and hate each others guts, don't get paired together then J.K. Rowling is a homophobe.)111111 Thanks for the help with facts, medusa you rock!111
I sat depressedly in Dumbledork's office wiv Hedwig Yeah I'm still getting over voldemort and Hedwig being in a relationship, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young I believe the word you are looking for is YOUNGER den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song. Hey! I liked Avril Lavinge. Am I a fucking prep now?
"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time.
"Whatever u do don't blame Ibony, Why would you think that? u jerk." Satan said.
"Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together." Serious said deviantly. Deviantly? Also she was promoting beastilality. I'm in favour of prosecuting Ebony here.
"Be quiet you Satanists." Dumbledore cockled. I'm not going to rise to that. I'll be a mature person….Hehehehe…She said cockled. "If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall." They're going to prison for sex? That's a little but harsh. My problem was that Hedwig is a bird and voldemort is human. I'm sure bestiality is banned in the wizard world. Unless it's mermaids, cause I'd like me some mermaid ass. He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n'Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn't notece.
"You fucking poser." I muttoned. Uhhhh…That's not…Whatever. Nothing matters anymore.
I'm having a life crisis reading this story.
"I bet you've never herd of GC." Neither have I James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11 What!? An Ipod changed into a time machine! Alright…I mean It's Ebony. What did you expect?
"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted. Yeah. Shut up "Jomes!"
"Yeah shut up!" Snake said preppily.
"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom. Lol. This has devolved into a kindergarden fight.
"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously. Or in other words. Ya'll mofuckers need Jesus.
Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! You jumped into an Ipod? This is another level of stupid right hereI jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was...Satan. So everyone else is sane and doesn't randomly try to jump into Ipods. That's a relief.
"You dunderheads! I love these insults. 1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went. These sentences are the reason that humanity has cancer.
I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room The slytherin common room is full of theieves and scammers!wiv Satan. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.*Googles how to legally kill someone*
"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in an emo voice.
"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine." I wish my ipod was a time machine too I told him.
"Kool what's an ipatch? Apple products for pirates!" he whimpered.
"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." yakked. So like a laptop or a phone or a walkman or a diskman. Everything plays music in this day and age.
"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" Uhhhh…Soil? he esked in his sexah voice.
"Um I guezz sand?" I laid confuesdly. Facepalm.
"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon." So someone trying to impersonate Tara would not know a 4 letter word for dirt? The collective IQ of this school is less than the congress of our country and that is a huge acheievement He triumphently giggled.
Suddenly some of my friends walked in.
Friends? Who needs friends when you have the internet? *sobs*
"OMG you're fucking alive!" said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, I'm surprised and a little disappointed too.blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive. Can you explain again? Because I have no clue how you are alive after getting shot and slitting your wrists with a "steak"
"Konichiwa, bitch." Yamero B-Baka. said Willow. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs Raven too? I guess birds of same feathers show off their boobs together with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.
"Hey, motherfucker." Hey cuntSaid Diabolo with his red hair. His hair is red again! YASSS BITCH!He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.
"Hey whose that, Ibony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes. Oh fuck you.
"Oh its Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth. I'm sure normal people would have a few questions but in this universe everyone's like. Okay. Cool.
Suddenly Satan started to cry. Never thought I would EVER hear that
"Are you okay Satan? " we asked concernedly.
"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked. That is the first question I would think about too when I travel to future with a random girl I've only known for a few days.
"No I still like you." I said sexily to him. Yeah. She likes you. Along with Draco, Harry, Series and Tim, the black guy.
"Ok." He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz That's so specific. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. What is he a toddler? I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!1111 She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner. I sometimes wonder how can someone be so retarded. I mean we all do stupid stuff when we are going through puberty but not this…
"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 How did Snap get back here! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan." That's actually a religion. I asked sadly.
"Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vrompire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. Wait the greatest, high security wizard prison in this world was casually penetrated by a teenage schoolgirl! Alright all the adults in this universe are twats. I never liked her she was a bad student." You haven't taught your students a single thing in this entire story! No wonder everyone sucks. Trevolry said reassuredly.
"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep. I support Britney. Vote Britney 2020.
"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly.
"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum*giggles* he was doing it with Snap?" I will continuously deny that that has ever happened. It took me long enough to wipe that from my memory.
"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself." Tell me the name of the one person who cares about any of these fuckers. They slit their wrists every tudesday. They never die! she said.
"OMG dat's terrible!" I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. Then I said "Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!" What is she planning to do now?wiv dat I ran out.
"Good luck Tara! Good luck with what! You idiots don't even know what she's doing. Even she doesn't know what shes doing. 11" everyone cried. Me included.
I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. The atmosphere of horror has been here since day one EbonyOn da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. Leave Brtiney alone! She looked jest like a pentagramof those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan. Britney must look kinda cute actually.
"You fucking bitch!111"I shouted angrily.
"No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" Sigh. Don't get our hopes up Britney. she laughed.
"Crucious!1" I shouted selectively pontificating What? my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically. You ludacris donderhead!
"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Britney screamed terrifiedly. *starts crying* Leave Britney alone.
I put up my middle finger at her. In her hand I saw da video camera Snape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. Why? WTF Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" For those who are confused. Harry has boobs for some weird reason. Don't ask me. I yielded.
We hugged each udder And now she's squeezing Harry's boobs. We are officialy done herehappily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow. His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes.I'm willing to pay a good amount of money for an assasination. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river Nope it rox!1)"I wus so worried you died!" moaned Vampire.
"I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me."
"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously.
"Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?" Vampir snarkledwith anger in his sexy voice. Angry and sexy? Only Vanhelsing can do that.
"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY. Smarty. So Smart!
"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily.
"OK." I argreed. Suddenly...all da lights in da room went out. And den...da Dork Mark appeared The dork mark? The sign of the stupid death eaters.
"Oh my fucking satan!" Harry shouted.
"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. Wow such intelligent insight Ebony. "Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 More like: I have to find Draco to fuck guess we shood separate."
"Ok." Vampire sed diapperating. Diaper-ating. Harry ran away in Diapers.
Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.