Chapter Eight: Still Breathing
I wanted everything I never had
Like the love that comes with light
I wore envy and I hated that
But I survived
Sia - Alive
On some level ascending the stairs towards the Intelligence Squad Room by Sergeant Hank Voight was one of the most harrowing moments Maggie had ever experienced. She felt her heart pound against her ribs as she took each step slowly and with deliberation. The adrenaline was starting to wear off now and she could feel her muscles quaking underneath her skin as exhaustion began to set in. She wasn't sure how she made it to the precinct intact, her decision had been instinctive. She had learned long ago that she could not trust Regan to have her back so instead she'd gone to the one place she knew she wouldn't get hung out to dry.
Over the past few years she had come to trust Hank Voight the same way she had Al, both men had been friends of her father's before his untimely death and featured predominantly in her life since. She didn't trust the rumors about Voight, she went with gut feelings and experience. Right now both of those were telling her that she would not be misplacing her faith in this man. She cast a glance back at the Desk Sergeant as she waited for Voight to punch in the code to the chain linked door and allow his palm to be scanned. The grey haired woman made no effort to hide the fact she was watching them, her keen eyes were scanning Maggie, taking in everything from her composure to the flecks of blood that dotted the back of her hand.
The squad room was alike all the others she had seen over the years, the desks were neatly placed with a variation of different style chairs accompanying each one. There was a large whiteboard on wheels on the opposite side of the room with several photographs of key players from Oskar's crew stuck to it with sticky tack. Her eyes lingered on Gregor for a second before she forced herself to look away. There were people in the room, fellow detectives who paused when both Hank and herself entered the room, silence seemed to fall and the only thing she could hear was the faint clacking of her heels as she followed Hank towards his office. She could feel their eyes on her as she walked and she knew they had questions and she guessed in the end they would get their answers.
She heard her name as Voight opened the glass door to this office and raised her head to find Antonio standing beside what she guessed was the kitchen door way, a mug of coffee in his hand. His surprise was evident, she could see it etched into his dark features, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to put her arrival into context. She paused for a second before stepping into Voight's office, the back of her hand brushing his lightly as she met his questioning gaze.
"I'm alright." she promised as his warm fingers caught hers for the briefest of moments, squeezing them for reassurance.
"You know where I am." he told her using his mug of coffee to indicate towards his desk.
Maggie pursed her lips together grimly and nodded before stepping inside Voight's office and closing the door quietly behind her.
The crime scene was a first floor, office complex in one of the most expensive parts of town. The building was owned by a shell corporation that had ties to both Oskar and his brother Jacob. Whatever 'work' went on here Antonio doubted every much that it as legal. He wasn't concerned with that, the same way Halstead wasn't, their destination was the office at the end of the hallway. Voight had been very specific about that. It had taken the best part of an hour for Maggie to divulge her story to his Sergeant and when she had Voight had slipped into that calm commanding officer they knew him to be. The others had questions but no one asked when Voight sent them out on their various assignments.
Atwood and Ruzek were gathering statements whilst Lindsey had stayed behind to collect the evidence from Maggie herself. Nadia had been dispatched to locate an alternative set of clothing since what Maggie was wearing now had to go into evidence bags to back up her story. They had decided to keep it in house so that they could manage the fall out but he had no doubt that heads would roll over this. He was glad that Voight seemed as determined as he was to make sure that Maggie's wasn't one of them.
The stench of blood was over powering as Antonio stepped into the small sparsely decorated office he knew to be Maggie's. That copper tang was on his tongue as his dark eyes came to rest upon the large dead body sprawled out on the plush royal blue carpet, lying in a pool of his own blood. The gears were already shifting in his head as he took in the torn silk shirt and scattered white buttons. They knew Gregor Polonski liked to use his his hands, Antonio had seen his handiwork on more than one occasion and it turned his stomach to think of him using them on Maggie. His right fist clenched, his knuckles turning white as he imagined what had taken place in this room and how it had almost played out.
"Got a knife here." Halstead announced from the opposite side of the body, the younger man was crouched down, his baby blue eyes swiveling up to meet Antonio's.
"Stab wound to the neck?" Antonio questioned, his broad arms crossing over his chest as his dark eyes came to linger on that familiar stiletto blade, the one with the black rubber hilt. He rubbed the back of his head as he stared at it. It was his knife, he didn't have to get any closer to know that. He'd given it to Maggie just before she'd walked out of his life and into the hands of a monster.
"Why?" Antonio questioned Maggie, he could hear the aggravation in his own voice and he hated it. He despised this wounded feeling that was nestled deep down inside of him, it was wrong he knew that but he couldn't ignore it. He couldn't ignore that sickening pang in his chest at the thought of never seeing her again. His warm hands were on her slender shoulders as he stared directly into those pretty blue eyes of hers, his calloused thumb grazed her collar bone lightly. "I thought we had a good thing going on here and now your breaking us up."
She flinched at his choice of words and part of him wondered if he had done that on purpose, if he was intentionally trying to hurt her the way that she was tearing him up inside right now.
"You know why." Maggie told him helplessly as her gentle hands came to rest on his wrists. "We can't go on like this."
Antonio hung his head. He knew that she was right but in his heart it felt like she was abandoning him. She was the only person he could trust in all entirety. There were things that he had told her that no other person in the world knew. She was his partner, his confident and so much more.
"You know how I feel." she told him, as his forehead came to rest upon hers. His nose trailed along hers as his tender hands cupped her delicate features. "And you know if we keep doing this dance then we're going to start making mistakes."
He wanted to make this mistake, Lord it was so hard right now not to break those vows and close the distance between the two of them. How many times had he thought about kissing her over the time they'd spent together? Everything made sense with Maggie in his life and when it didn't she was there propping him up. He'd lost count of the times he'd placed his faith in her, he knew he had to do that right now. He knew he had to trust she was doing this for the right reasons.
"I know." he told her, that unruly emotion bubbling up on his veins. Sometimes he wanted to pretend that he wasn't married and that the two of them weren't partners. He wished the whole world would just melt away, leaving the two of them and nothing else. He knew that there would come a day in their future where he wouldn't be satisfied with playing it safe and that it would destroy them both. "I know that we can't keep doing this."
"You have to let me go Antonio." Maggie against his mouth before she drew away.
"Maggie, wait..." He caught her wrist lightly in his hand before he tugged her back towards him. His right hand reached into the pocket of his leather jacket before he pulled out his stiletto knife and placed it in the palm of her hand. "Take it."
"Antonio..." she began, trying to wrestle it back into his hand. Antonio closed her fingers around it so that it was tightly in her grasp.
"Maggie, take it." he enforced, his voice firm as he spoke. "At the very least if I can't back you up, you should be able to protect yourself if you can't get to your firearm. It's saved my life more times than I can count."
He could see the conflict in her features as she stared down at the knife clasped tightly in her hand.
"Thank you." she said finally before removing her hand from his and putting it into the pocket of her long coat.
He'd watched her leave with a heavy heart, his eyes lingering on her retreating form until he could no longer see her. Maggie had made the right decision, he knew she had but he felt like his heart was breaking with every step she took. Out of the two of them she was the strong one and in the end he had done his duty and gone back home to his wife and thrown himself role as the doting husband.
"How did you know?" Halstead asked, snapping Antonio out of his reverie. Antonio shook his head as as he took in the thin scratches along Gregor's muscular forearms.
"Because it's what I would have done." he told Halstead, watching as his fellow detective climbed to his feet, his gaze questioning. "I gave her that knife."
"So you two are..." Jay trailed off as he struggled to find the word he was looking for.
"She was my partner before she was recruited into this operation." Antonio said firmly as he walked around to the side of the desk where Maggie would have sat. He fished the set of latex gloves out of the pocket of his leather jacket before pulling them onto his large hands.
"She was your C.I?" Jay questioned as he contemplated the events of the past few days, the pieces finally fitting into place. "The one that told you about the hit?"
He already knew the answer to that question but he wanted to hear it from Antonio's lips. He had known the other man was protecting someone but he had no idea how complicated the situation really was until now.
"I think that's what nearly got her killed." Antonio confessed to the other man as he used his right palm to pat the underside of Maggie's desk, his fingertips searching for that tell tale smooth spot. "I think she took a risk to get us that information and this is the fall out from it."
Jay's took in the dead body laying at his feet, the other man's hulking frame was twisted away from him so he couldn't see the gash in his neck but he knew it was there and he knew from what he had seen that there was no hesitation. The stabbing had meant to kill quietly and quickly. Antonio's partner had fought for her life because she'd had the good grace to protect a fellow cop and that meant something to Halstead, more than he cared to admit. He owed this woman his life, without her information he wouldn't be walking and talking right now.
"Ah ha!" Antonio exclaimed as he tore something from underneath the desk and held it up for Jay to see. It was a USB drive, attached to it was a small patch of black electrical tape that obviously been used to keep it in place.
"She had balls, keeping it here." Halstead responded before removing his phone for his jacket pocket.
"Gregor was doing pat downs and bag checks after Oskar was arrested. This was probably the safest place she could put it until she could figure a way to get it out." Antonio told the other man, dropping the USB drive into a plastic evidence bag as Halstead dialed Voight.
Hi guys. Thank you so much to everyone who is reading this story. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside especially in these dark winter nights. You guys should see the weather here at the moment it's mad!
Anime: I didn't think you would love that chapter so much! It was a really impulsive thing to write and I just kinda rolled with it. Thankfully Gregor is dead already or there would be some serious backlash for him. I hope ou didn't have to wait too long for this chapter!
Lauren: I'm glad you're enjoying this so much! I loved writing Finding Kate, I loved Speedle so much, I still do. He's one of my fav chars ever. I was devastated when they killed him off! You've made me blush with your lovely words. I really appreciate them! These two are so much fun to write. It's a different kind of relationship for me because it comes with its own set of complications.