Hello all! Thank you so much for your lovely reviews and support. I apologize for not updating in forever, but I've been terribly busy. I'm sorry for the shortness of this chapter and the crappy writing but i wanted to give you all something to read. Please enjoy!
Alec fell to his knees the moment he left Patrick's cell. Vomit spewed from his mouth, beyond his control.
He had never killed a man before. Monsters, yes. But an actual man?
All he wanted to do was go to Magnus.
Jace appeared behind him and put a supportive hand on his back. "You okay, buddy?"
"No."
"Killing Patrick didn't make you feel better?"
"No. Why would it? It won't help me help Magnus."
"You need to give him time. In a month from now, I'm sure he'll forget all about it."
Alec scoffed. "You weren't there. You didn't see how bad it was. It's gonna take much more than a month to fix this."
Alec sat with his back to the wall, not ready to get up and face his problems. Jace sat next to him.
"The trick," Jace said, "is not to give up on him, even if he says he doesn't want to see you. You gotta keep going back, show him that you really care."
"You just said I need to give him time. Plus, that's awful advice, Jace. He's made it perfectly clear he doesn't want anything to do with me."
"Do you have a better idea?"
Alec sighed. He liked to think he knew Magnus, that he understood him well, but maybe he was wrong.
"No. No, I don't."
Alec rehearsed what he would say to Magnus in his head on the way to the infirmary, but was disappointed when he arrived.
Magnus wasn't there.
But Izzy was.
"Where is he?" Alec asked her.
Izzy looked sad. "He went home. Don't worry, Catarina went with him, he's not alone."
Alec was quiet for a moment.
"Alec-"
"He didn't say goodbye. He knows how worried I am, and he just left."
Izzy sighed. "He sees things differently, Alec. I think part of him blames you for what happened to him. He isn't ready to forgive you yet."
"Do you think he ever will?"
"It's hard to say."
Alec bowed his head. "I had his heart in my hands, Izzy. And I crushed it." A tear slipped down his face, and Isabelle caught it.
"I'm sorry, big brother." And she brought him in for a tight hug as more tears fell.
They stayed like that for a long time, until Alec calmed down.
Izzy felt horrible. If Alec had just picked her to stay…. But no, that would have made things that much worse for Alec, and she knew that.
Now, Alec didn't get angry easily, but when his family was hurt (and yes, Magnus was his family) that could change. Alec didn't realize it, but he needed someone to blame.
"Jace," he said when he was done crying.
"What about Jace?" Izzy asked.
"This is all his fault."
"Alec, slow down!"
But Alec wasn't listening to his sister. He made his way through the Institute with a determined stride. He was going to find Jace.
"Jace didn't do anything, Alec! He tried to help you, but you wouldn't let him, remember?"
But Alec wasn't listening to reason. He was listening to the anger in his heart.
Jace met Alec with a smile, not seeing the problem at first. He did see the problem when Alec punched him across the face.
With a busted lip, Jace looked to Alec. "What the fuck was that for?"
"For Magnus." And he punched him again.
Jace blocked Alec's third punch. "I didn't do anything to Magnus!"
"Maybe not directly, but it's because of you that he got hurt. Because I wanted to protect you!"
"That's on you, Alec!" Jace yelled back. "You could have given me up and saved Magnus but you chose not to!"
"You don't even appreciate what I did for you! I lost the love of my life for you and you don't even care!"
Jace took a deep breath. "I do care. But you didn't have to protect me. I would have been fine facing Valentine if you had just let me."
Alec shook his head in disbelief. "You know what really bothers me, Jace?"
"I have the feeling you're about to tell me."
"If you had been in my position, and Clary was the one being tortured and raped, you wouldn't have even hesitated in letting me track you. You would have given me up in a heartbeat to save her."
Jace pursed his lips. "I would have been doing the right thing, doing that. Because I would have realized you could take on Valentine."
"And if I couldn't? I would have died, just like I was worried you would. But that doesn't matter, does it? Because you would still have Clary, right? So what if your parabatai died?"
"That's not fair, Alec."
"What's not fair is what Magnus had to go through. Our bond has never meant as much to you as it did to me."
Alec went to punch Jace again, but was surprised when Isabelle stopped him.
"You need to stop," she said desperately. "This isn't helping."
The boys calmed down after a moment, but Alec was visibly shaking in anger.
"Alec," Izzy said, "go get some rest. You and I can discuss what to do once you wake up."
Alec nodded reluctantly, and turned to leave the room.
"Sorry about that," Izzy said to Jace. "The past couple of days have been hard on him."
"I understand that, I just don't get why he's mad at me."
"I don't think he's really mad at you, he just needs to get his anger out somehow. He feels helpless."
"I wonder when he and Magnus will finally make up."
"You think they will?"
"They have to."
The first thing Magnus did when he got home was take a nice, long shower. He wasn't in pain anymore, but still felt the ghost of his suffering.
The scars on his chest didn't help. He looked in the mirror, staring at them, knowing that not even his magic would make them go away.
He hated himself for it.
He hated Alec even more.
But no, not really. He couldn't hate Alexander, no matter what. He was just hurt and angry at the moment.
He needed time, that was all.
Catarina knocked on the door and Magnus gave her the okay to enter the room.
"How are you feeling?" she asked.
"Better."
"You're a terrible liar."
"I'm not lying."
Catarina sighed. "I still think you should have talked to Alec. He's just worried about-"
"I'm not talking to Alec right now. You weren't there, Cat. He just… let it happen."
"It was a lose-lose situation."
"He should have cared about me more."
"So you think he should have let Isabelle stay?"
"Of course not!"
"Then what are you saying?"
"...He should have given up Jace sooner."
"Jace is his parabatai. He cares about him, maybe as much as he cares about you."
Magnus looked down and closed his eyes. "I don't know what to think right now."
"That's okay. Get some rest, will you?"
"Agreed."