~o~o~o~o~o~o~
For a few seconds, Perry basked in the warmth of the blankets underneath him, and the peacefulness of the morning sunlight on his face. But with a few blinks, his vision cleared and all the thoughts of last night poured into his mind like a waterfall.
Groaning, Perry stretched and glanced at his injured arm. More scabs had formed underneath his teal fur, and the marks was still sore, but at least he wasn't bleeding. Upon noticing Phineas and Ferb were already awake and brainstorming ideas under their favorite tree, the platypus took the opportunity to dart into the bathroom on two legs to clean off his wound.
How was he going to work in this condition? Maybe he should have taken those stitches..
Perry lumbered down the stairs and gratefully dug into the bowl of food waiting for him. Surprisingly, the food tasted delicious to his platypus taste buds, even though he would never have been able to swallow it as a human.
Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher was about ready to head out the door as Perry finished his meal. Apparently, Candace was out with her friends for a bit, but the platypus figured that wouldn't last very long. In order to avoid her constant yelling, he snuck back upstairs to take a prolonged nap in the boy's bed.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Later that day, Perry, fully human, was on his way to his second job. It'd been a spontaneous decision, and one that he still wasn't completely sure why he'd made. But as long as O.W.C.A. remained unaware of his human identity, he figured it wouldn't be a problem.
He just needed it.
Just a week ago, Perry applied for a serving position at a local, hole-in-the-wall restaurant called Vintage Docks. Pretentious sounding, yes, but it was rarely busy and apparently a very relaxed place to work, despite the type of work it was.
Upon arrival, Perry walked through the back door and greeted one of his managers. The man handed him his final piece of training material, and promised told him he'd have his own section of tables that night.
The agent put on his apron while skimming through the papers.
"Hey, Perry, wasn't it? Perry Michael?"
The agent looked up an older woman with long blonde hair she had pulled back in a ponytail. Her smile was contagious.
"Yep, that's me. Tammy?"
"Wow, I'm surprised you remember." She blurted. Then she suddenly covered her mouth with her hands. "Sorry, that was rude. I didn't mean.."
Perry laughed. "That's okay, I know what you meant. Trust me, there's a lot of new faces I have yet to learn."
"That's true! Well, let me know if you need anything tonight!"
The restaurant ran with only a couple servers, as the capacity of the dining room was quite small. Perry mostly enjoyed talking in the back with his coworkers and asking questions, since he only maintained a few guests at a time.
About 6:30, one of the servers, a younger woman, crashed into the kitchen with a loud sigh. "I told the hostess not to give me that table! And she fucking did it anyway!"
The staff gave each other a look. Perry glanced at each of them, confused. "What table?"
"This one-top!" The young woman, whom Perry briefly remembered as Jordan, complained. "That guy who always comes in with his stupid blueprints and never tips!"
"Sucks for you!" A male server- Ken- howled.
Perry turned to Jordan. "Is he a regular?"
"Yes, and he's such a bitch. God, please kill me."
Although Perry was new to the job, he was never one to step away from a challenge. And the girl's whining was so much like Candace's, it put his nerves on edge. "I'll take him for you."
Jordan looked up, startled. "You'll what?"
"I'll take him." Perry shrugged. "Unless you really want to serve him?"
The servers immediately began to warn him of the trouble he was getting into, but Perry wouldn't hear of it. Jordan grabbed him up in a suffocating hug, almost lifting him off his feet, before scurrying off to tell the hostess.
The agent stepped into the dining room, ready to take the alleged 'nightmare customer', when he noticed who was sitting at the table.
Oh, shit. Why?
Doofenshmirtz's head was buried in a roll of blueprints. As always, he wore his signature lab coat, black t-shirt, and grey jeans. As the agent approached, he wondered why Doofenshmirtz- a man scared by shellfish- would regularly dine in a seafood restaurant.
He cautiously approached the table.
"Hello, Sir, my name is-"
"I want a water with no lemon and a hot coffee, decaf. You better not bring me caffeinated, or I will blast you with my next Another-Dimension-Inator."
Ha, now that was the Doofenshmirtz he knew.
Perry gritted his teeth, already frustrated that he'd chosen this punishment, but said nothing and walked away to get the man's beverages. He triple checked to be certain the coffee was decaf, and didn't pour him a glass until a fresh pot had been made. Two could play at this ridiculous game.
Doofenshmirtz said nothing when Perry set the glasses in front of him; his eyes never moved from the blueprints. The platypus glanced downward, and barely made out the name "Ice-inator" before the man abruptly set them aside and picked up his coffee.
He inspected the glass twice before finally taking a sip. Perry smiled triumphantly as the scientist grumbled something intelligible, but didn't complain.
"Now, listen closely. I want your salmon, but with absolutely no sauce. Not even on the side. No sauce. And make the side salad with romaine only. And also, the last time I was here, my salmon was burnt, so if it's burnt, just know I will not be happy."
"Right away, Sir." Perry took the useless menu out of the doctor's way and happily retreated back to the kitchen to ring in the order. The servers kept coming up and asking him what he thought of the customer, to which he gladly responded in great detail.
After ringing in the order, Perry specifically approached the kitchen and made sure they understood the extent that this customer would judge the food- only a few minutes later to see the salmon come out with sauce on top.
"Can you please remake this?" Perry begged. "He wanted no sauce!"
Once the doctor's order was finally correct, Perry carried it to the table. Doofenshmirtz inspected every moment as the man set the dishes in front of him. He opened his mouth to say something, but was quickly silenced, which was unusual for the man. Perry smirked; the kitchen had cooked it perfectly.
The doctor said nothing as Perry left to refill his glass.
The agent already knew that his nemesis would not like being disturbed as he enjoyed his meal, so Perry left him to his own devices, only checking periodically to refill his water or bring him another loaf of bread.
The man said nothing once the bill came, simply paid it and left without so much as a goodbye.
Perry picked up the check and noticed a two dollar bill crumpled in the folder. It was a measly tip- barely ten percent- but for a man like Doofenshmirtz, Perry would take it.
The agent displayed his reward proudly, making all the servers gasp in shock.
"Watch out!" Jordan grinned, "Or he'll become one of your regulars!"
Ha, take that, Doofenshmirtz. I win again.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~
"Oh, there you are, Perry!"
The platypus chattered happily as the boy's picked him up and took him inside for snacks. He hoped he didn't smell too much like seafood, but the family didn't seem to notice.
"Mom, you totally missed the most amazing track we built!" Phineas explained excitedly as he poured himself a glass of milk before bed. "We raced rockets, jetpacks, submarines.."
"You boys are so imaginative." Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher laughed, giving him a big hug. "I'm glad you had fun today. Can you make sure Perry takes his medicine before he goes to bed?"
"Sure thing, Mom."
Perry watched as Phineas took a pill from one of the cabinets and mixed it in with some peanut butter. The platypus groaned as Phineas temptingly fished it in front of him, and took a cautious gulp.
"Good boy."
The platypus held the peanut butter in his mouth before Phineas disappeared upstairs, then promptly threw it up into the sink and washed out his mouth. Why the vet kept thinking he needed all these pills was infuriating. Nonetheless, he didn't dare take any with his compromised DNA.
Perry was tiptoeing up to the boy's room, exhausted and ready for a night's rest, when he heard strange beeping noises. Curiously, the platypus peered inside from a crack in the doorway.
Phineas and Ferb were pounding away at some computer-resembling device, probably an object of their own creation.
"No, I still don't think these formulas are right. We have to keep trying, Ferb."
Hm, trying to do what, I wonder. Knowing them, it could be anything.
Dismissing his curiosity, Perry jumped on the bed and fell asleep.