~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Doofenshmirtz didn't show up that next Friday night on his normal schedule. Perry convinced himself he wasn't worried or disappointed and continued on with the night as usual. Surely the man had other matters to take care of.
Besides, after the last week's debacle, Perry wasn't sure he could handle another dose of Doofenshmirtz.
Thankfully, none of the servers seemed to notice his disheartened mood. Perry had a few guests that tipped pretty poorly, making the night an overall waste of time. By nine, he was looking forward to going home and jumping in bed.
However, Perry would never have guessed to see Heinz's old pickup truck pulled up to the employee door when he walked out from his shift.
"Hey, Michael! I uh.. I know this is well, unprecedented.." The doctor's cheeks were bright red. Perry noticed he had on a nice black jacket and a pair of denim jeans, obviously an outfit he reserved for special occasions only. And was that.. cologne?
"I didn't know when you got off, and well, I didn't have your number, and.." The scientist rambled on. "Well, do you want to come to that bar and grill for dinner with me?"
The platypus raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything for a minute. Of course his first instinct was to say no; what if they were identified, or worse, attacked? But Doofenshmirtz looked so nervous and hopeful, playing with his collar and messing with his hair. And the agent felt bad turning him down after the man had driven all the way over.
Would it really be so bad for him to have a fun night? Just once?
Maybe I'll get some insight into his next evil scheme.
"Sure." Perry smiled. "Mind if I change?"
"Of course not."
Perry grabbed a backpack from his car and hurried back into the restaurant.
"Did you forget something?" His manager questioned.
"Oh, no." He sighed. "Just wanted to change. Have a good night, Rafe!"
Thank goodness he always kept a spare change of clothes in his car, because his work apparel reeked of seafood and wine. His clothes weren't very nice, just another black, long sleeved shirt and a pair of black cargo pants, but at least they smelled decent.
The agent snuck out of the restaurant again, pushed his work clothes into his car, and hopped into Doofenshmirtz's passenger seat. He took in the scene; it was weird sitting in this car in his human height. Beside him was small seatbelt dangling in the middle.
"Oh, sorry about that." Doofenshmirtz sighed, pushing it out of the way. "It's for my nemesis."
The platypus decided not to comment.
Heinz kept tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, and was obviously trying to come up with something to say. Perry, unsure what to say either, tried not to cringe at the silence that washed over them. Thankfully, the drive to the bar and grill wasn't long.
The place was only about half full. Thankfully, the music wasn't terribly loud, either. The two found a corner spot with ease and settled in. Immediately, a waiter came by and took their drink orders. Perry found it interesting that Doofenshmirtz settled for a Blue Moon. The man didn't strike him as that type. Amused, the platypus decided to order the same.
"Do you need a moment to look at the menu?"
Heinz looked over at him, and the platypus gestured for the man to start. The doctor ordered a burger and a side of fries. Perry elected for the spicy barbecue chicken wings with a side of fries. Smiling, the waitress took their menus and promised to return with their beers.
"Is it weird for you to go to restaurants?" Doofenshmirtz blurted. "Since you work in one, and all?"
The man shrugged. "Not very. Although I'm sure I notice more than the average person."
"Like what?"
"For example, they weren't expecting a busy night, because all the servers seem to have four tables in their sections. And the bartender is definitely high."
Heinz chuckled. "That's funny. I never worked in a proper restaurant, but I did serve bratwurst on the streets once."
"How did that go?"
"I got ridiculed a lot. And the money was awful. So, to answer your question, not very good at all."
Why was the man such an adorable idiot?
The waitress suddenly returned with their beers. Perry lifted his up in good spirits and took a sip. He sighed; it'd been a long time since he'd had a proper beer.
Well, it'd been a long time since he'd been out, period.
Heinz took a sip of his as well and set the glass down. He appeared relatively calm, but Perry could hear the slight vibrations of his foot tapping against the ground. Had the man always been this fidgety?
"So, do you have any hobbies?" Perry asked, trying to keep the conversation at a common level.
"My hobby and actual job are combined, which is pretty nice." Doofenshmirtz replied off-handedly. "I'm an evil scientist, and create machines to execute my evil schemes." "Cool. So you want to like, what, rule the world someday?"
"No, no, see that's a mad scientist." The man corrected. "An evil scientist picks out petty revenge in an attempt to resolve their scarring backstory. My ultimate goal would be to take over the Tri-State Area, however. Since my brother is mayor and all, and I have some beef with him still.."
The doctor trailed off, suddenly realizing how awkward his answer probably sounded. His face grew red and he went back to tapping his foot. "Sorry, I don't mean to ramble.."
"I don't mind." The platypus smiled.
Thankfully, the waitress came by with their food. It was piping hot. Perry's stomach rumbled; he didn't realize how hungry he had gotten. The two bit into their meals with pleasure.
"Umm, I haven't had a burger this good since my college years. I can't believe I've never tried this place!" The doctor cried.
Perry smirked. "Going to leave me for a better restaurant, huh?"
"I didn't mean that! It's just so good!"
The platypus would have to agree. His wings were delicious, with the perfect amount of spicy, better than the standard fast food chains. And the fries were seasoned with both salt and black pepper. They garbled down most of their food before either resumed conversation.
"Do you mind if I ask why you have those lip piercings. I mean, I like them! I just wondered.."
Perry smirked again. "My father would never allow me to have them. So I kind've got them as a permanent 'fuck you' in his memory."
Heinz seemed taken aback with his blatant cuss word, but Perry didn't care. If the man wanted to hang out, he'd be hearing a few of those words. Besides, it was always amusing to see the doctor surprised. The man chuckled.
"What do you like to tinker?" Perry asked innocently. Now, here's the juicy part.
"All kinds of things. I mostly find different blueprints on mine and tweak them just a bit to fit my needs. All my inators usually bend the forces of nature and use them to my advantage. Unfortunately my nemesis has a habit of getting in the way, but I'm working on that."
"Cool. Have anything you're working on now?"
"Hmm, not really." The scientist admitted. "I've been having another stroke of 'evil scientist' block. My daughter has also been acting very strange lately. She's a reserved one, but she's been even more reserved that ever. She will barely talk to me now. Maybe I should make an inator that will get her to open up to me. What do you think?"
"Have you tried just talking to your daughter?"
"Nothing works. I feel like I've failed her."
Perry leaned forward and put his hand on the man's shoulder, just like he would as a platypus when the man was upset. "Hey, I'm sure you haven't failed her. In fact, the very point that you care makes it obvious that you really do love her. Teenagers are like this at this age. She'll come around."
Doofenshmirtz smiled, "Thanks, Michael."
The doctor dropped Perry off at his car and wished him a good night. The agent watched as the man rolled out of the parking lot and disappeared into Danville's night sky. Tired, and completely unsure what to do with his unidentified emotions, the man decided to ignore them, and head home to get a good night's rest.