~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Perry spent the night in his apartment. Dr. Gevaarlijk's camera lay, smashed to pieces, in the middle of the hallway, along with various items he had strewn about the floor during his mental breakdown. There was blood on the bathroom sink, still, but he had no energy to clean it up. He never slept, simply stared at the ceiling until dawn was knocking on his bedroom window.
What was he going to do?
The night before repeated over and over in his head like a never-ending short film. He couldn't get that bitch's voice out of his head. And the whole time, he was burning inside with intense anger that he could not cool down.
What if he just found the woman and killed her. Maybe that would put the problem to an end.
Perry sighed, frustrated. That would have been an ample solution for the man he'd been seven years ago. But now..
The agent rose from his bed and pulled out a box from his closet. Inside he'd kept a few textbooks, including Dr. Wexler's autobiography, a tool kit, and a lab coat. Perry held the items in his hand, studying them. Despite the great lengths he'd taken to keeping O.W.C.A. from discovering his past as an evil scientist, he would have given it up in a heartbeat. He would have even told Lyla, Doofenshmirtz, even the Flynn-Fletchers who he used to be. But now, they had other means to blackmail him. Why had he been so blind to the stalkers and the cameras?
Phineas, Ferb, Vanessa, Lyla, Candace.. Their faces flashed through his mind. He had no choice; he had to protect them.
But he needed a plan.
Sighing, the agent rubbed his stinging eyes and set the items back in his box. He would deal with all of this later; right now, he needed to see Phineas and Ferb. And a cup of coffee.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~ Perry was trying hard not to touch the back of his head as Phineas and Ferb picked him up and hugged him. The wound hadn't been as bad as he'd first thought, and had thankfully stopped bleeding, but it was still very sore. Despite this, Perry was glad to see the boys.
More distracting than watching the boys was the fact that Lyla wouldn't stop texting him. Even though Perry had called her immediately after waking up in his car, she hadn't believed him when he'd said everything was fine. Not that he had expected her to, but he'd decided he wasn't going to tell her what had happened. And he couldn't ask for her help, either.
Perry laid underneath the backyard tree, stewing in these thoughts, when his watch vibrated, alerting a new message from Major Monogram. With a soft wince, the platypus stood and snuck into a secret entrance kept behind the garden hose. He landed in front of the major and saluted.
"Agent P! Good morning. We've just been alerted to some of Doofenshmirtz's online spending. Apparently, he just received a completely new wardrobe. He's been spotted in the mall with his daughter. This is definitely not something Doofenshmirtz would do normally, so we have to assume the worst."
"Maybe he just wants to spend quality time with his daughter?" Carl interjected.
"Spend quality.. seriously, Carl? That man is an evil mastermind!"
"Yeah but that's still his.." "Carl! What did we talk about earlier?"
"Sorry, Sir."
"See what you can dig up, Agent P." Major Monogram ordered. "Good luck." Perry ducked out of his chair and strapped into his jetpack. Hopefully this would be one of Heinz's less intense evil schemes.
When the platypus arrived at Doof's apartment, he noticed there was a certain lack of traps lying around, waiting for him. He unstrapped from his jetpack and wandered into the living room. Perry found the man wearing a pair of jeans with the tag still attached, staring at himself in the mirror.
What the hell.
"Oh, Perry the Platypus! Thank goodness you're here. Do these jeans make my butt look big?"
Perry raised an eyebrow.
"See, Vanessa said they're really flattering, but she didn't really say why. I don't want to make it look like my butt is huge. Although I guess big butts are all the rage these days, so maybe I do? Ugh.. this fashion stuff is just confusing. This is why I just stick to my lab coats."
Perry tapped where piles of new shirts, jeans, and jackets were strewn across the table. He looked up at his nemesis expectantly.
"Oh, yeah, that." Heinz sighed. "See, I told Vanessa that I may have, well.. made a new friend."
Another raised eyebrow.
"And she went all hysterical. She said I needed to update my wardrobe and impress him. I didn't really think it was necessary, but she looked so happy, and I never get to do anything like that with her anymore. So, five hours later, here we are." The man grumbled, pointing to the piles of clothes.
"But seriously, what do you think? Nay or yay?"
The platypus crossed his arms. He was not playing this game.
"Really? Speak now or forever hold your peace.."
No movement.
"Wow." The man groaned. "You know, you really are no help. Sorry I don't have anything evil planned for today. I'm spending the rest of it trying to decide what I want to keep from this mess. You can head out if you want. Unless you want to stay and help?"
Perry shrugged his shoulders and stepped out to give the man his privacy back. He was feeling a strange twist in his stomach whenever he looked at the man in those jeans, and it was making him uncomfortable. Deciding to escape when he could, the platypus saluted and jumped back into his jetpack, more than willing to head back home.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~
Heinz watched his nemesis disappear out the door and shook his head. He didn't blame the monotreme for leaving. Going through clothes was so time consuming; how did women get so into this stuff?
The man could feel old insecurities start to interject his internal dialogue as he looked at himself in the mirror. Was his butt really too big? Was his slouch too distracting? Was his face too ugly to even make the new clothes worthwhile?
The scientist sighed and slipped out of the jeans. He couldn't do this.
Thoughts of Michael flashed through his mind and he smiled, feeling a warmth flush through his chest and into his face. He hadn't expected things to go this well with the man; well, he hadn't expected anything to happen, really. But the way Michael smiled at him, it made him so happy. It was like the man could actually see the real him, somehow, despite his awkwardness and definite ugliness.
Heinz pulled out a small inator from inside his pocket and caressed it thoughtfully. He was planning to hit the man with it, and hopefully, would get the ending he was looking for. A genuine smile broke through the scientist's face.
This time, the world would finally go his way.
~o~o~o~o~o~o~
When Perry returned home, Phineas and Ferb and their friends were eating snacks in the backyard, reliving the amazing adventure they'd just experienced that day. Perry happily laid down in between his boys, listening to their laughter, and eating secret bites of pie now and then.
Suddenly, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher peered her head outside. "Isabella, your mother's here."
"Yay!" The girl jumped up and ran into the house. The other kids followed.
Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro embraced her daughter and said hello to the kids. From her arms, their pet dog, Pinky jumped down and licked at Isabella's legs, obviously glad to see her owner.
"Oh, Pinky! I missed you! How did she do at the doggy daycare, Mom?" "She did wonderful, actually. We will have to take her back. Oh, thank you for letting Isabella over, Linda."
"Oh, no problem at all, Vivian." Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher smiled. "Do you care for a piece of pie?"
"I'd love one!"
Perry caught Pinky's eye and gave a respectful nod, which the agent readily returned.
Pinky, Pinky, Pinky.. A plan began to form in Perry's mind, one that was risky, but if he could get Pinky to hear his side of the story..
The platypus settled down against the kitchen table, watching the families eat their pie and talk, his mind whizzing with ideas. He might be able to make this work. But it all depended on the little chihuahua.