Author's Note: Someone planted a funny mental image in my head. I had too much with it. (Thanks, Dodo! - yes, that is his/her username) It helps to play the Mortal Kombat theme song at a certain part of this chapter, fellow creepers. Just sayin'... XD
CHAPTER 11: Chocobo, Chocobo
Chocobo, Chocobo
Where are you going, Chocobo?
You flap your wings and aim for the sky
Silly bird, don'tcha know you can't fly!
Chocobo, Chocobo
Why are you running, Chocobo?
To reach the fields of green with the blazing sun?
Oh how your feathers shine gold as you run, run, run
Chocobo, Chocobo
What are you doing, Chocobo?
Pounce, stomp, you wark out loud
Such a feisty beast with a great wicked sound
Chocobo, Chocobo
Come here, lovely Chocobo
Sit with me by my warm bright fire
I'll wrap my arms around you and kiss you higher
Chocobo, Chocobo
You're mine now, pretty Chocobo
Hush, you squalling thing, hear what I say
We'll stalk the fields together, somehow, someday
Chocobo, Chocobo
Oh how I love you, sweet Chocobo
Never leave me, never say goodbye
Else I'll take you and make Chocobo cottage pie
Naughty, Chocobo, naughty
Chocobo run, run, run
To the fields of green with the blazing sun
I'll catch you yet before this day is done!
Chocobo, Chocobo… a popular children's song. The tune was on track three of Chocobo Chow's regular playlist. It came on every hour of the day. Cloud heard it now from the restaurant's outdoor speakers. He never liked that song. It drove him nuts. Having children sing about Chocobo cottage pie and hunting a poor animal because it ran for freedom sounded absurd. Yet, this passed as harmless fun. Cloud wondered what the hell was wrong with people sometimes. He quickly put this thought aside when a car drove past him and honked loudly. Growling, the teenager wanted to flip the driver a finger. He had bigger issues on his plate than a sadistic children's song right now.
Standing outside the restaurant in a yellow and fluffy Chocobo costume, Cloud Strife remembered why he hated his job. Sweat had accumulated between his toes while the mohair material of the suit made his skin itch. His sense of distance was off due to the very round shape of his costume. He couldn't get far without accidentally bumping into something or someone. The oversized feathery tail, alone, whacked whatever was behind him whenever he turned. What was equally annoying was the sheer weight of the Chocobo suit. Cloud continuously strained to lift his arms due to its heavy wings. Feeling a bit claustrophobic inside the head piece, his vision was limited to two tiny peep holes. Cloud's face was glossed with sweat. With every breath, his hot air collected inside the mask and created a damped, sticky space.
The teenager grew more and more irritated. For every car honk and funny stare he received on the street, Cloud thought of a new way to kill Mr. Mukki. Strangulation. Food poisoning. Kitchen knife stabbing. Decapitation by sword. Baseball bat bashing. A fucking potato cutter.
It was an early Thursday morning; the clouds still a murky gray color. A few rays of the sun managed to peak through from the west side.
Nearly a week had passed since the aftermath of Cloud's wild birthday bash. He still didn't remember much of it. Every now and then his coworkers poked fun at him. They reminded him of the time he supposedly slept on the sidewalk or claimed a shadow stalked him. Cloud paid no mind to any of it. His life had settled back to its regular scheduled program.
Every day Cloud woke up, commuted to work, looked out for creeps, attended evening class, sword trained, and dealt with the usual round of customers. He kicked back with his skateboard in the Slums' park whenever he wanted to relax; it was the only activity he could enjoy without triggering his motion sickness. His life returned to its rinse and repeat process but with some alterations.
On certain days, Cloud met with Jessie at Hot Rod's Shop. They went over the basics of bike riding. Getting used to the bike's delicate balance and its non-stop vibrations, he would sit shotgun while she rode. Progress had been slow but steady. When he didn't vomit, that was. Jessie also had him assist her in repairing the old, beat-up bike at Rod's shop. It was an exhilarating experience.
On other days, Cloud hung out with Nunchaku. They either smoked grass together or made out, feeling each other up. Being with a guy was still a strange experience for him though. They hadn't done anything too… drastic. But since his bizarre birthday party last week, Cloud felt bold enough to try out a few things. He admittedly enjoyed the perks of being with someone familiar with his hardware.
For Cloud Strife, day-to-day living had become tolerable and even enjoyable. Since he turned seventeen things had changed for the better. But then… today happened.
Today, Mr. Mukki got the stupid idea of doing a commercial for their Chocobo Chow restaurant at Twenty-First Street. Customer attendance was at a low for the past months due to stiff competition from another kid-friendly restaurant a few blocks away. The company executives wanted them to do something about it. And so, Mr. Mukki slapped Cloud in a Chocobo suit, assigned the rest of his bubbies as the amateur film crew, and got ready to read his lines. This morning they all assembled outside of Chocobo Chow before its opening hours to record their commercial.
"Bubby, don't forget to catch Mukki in a good light," the manager told the cameraman. Mr. Mukki checked his teeth on a hand mirror and picked at a particular spot with a toothpick.
Serving as today's cameraman was Biggs. He stood a few feet away and found a good shot of both Mr. Mukki and the restaurant. The image blurred in and out of focus. Next to him, Wedge struggled with the long rod of his microphone. He angled it above Mr. Mukki like a fishing hook, attempting to capture good sound. Ele' stood close by. A large portable stereo sat between her feet. Her hands were full with large white cards that contained Mr. Mukki's lines. Ignoring Biggs' nonstop chatter, she organized them.
Sweating in his costume, Cloud stood alone at his corner spot. It was thirty-degree weather outside but he stewed in his own steamy juices anyway. He wanted to tear off the head piece and take in the cool air. Cloud didn't understand why he had been chosen to dress up as the Chocobo. Just because his hair was a chaotic, wild mess and people often compared it a Chocobo's ass it still didn't make things right. With a low growl, Cloud fidgeted in his bird suit. He wanted to get this stupid commercial over with.
According to the script, he needed to leap into the camera view and make happy Chocobo sounds like an idiot while Mr. Mukki talked about their exciting deals. Cloud had yet to practice on the jumping. He already had trouble not tripping over his large floppy bird feet whenever he walked. Cloud didn't look forward to shooting this commercial, especially when random people on the streets stopped and stared at him. A tiny child on his way to school with his mother spotted the fluffy Chocobo mascot. He pointed and squealed. Beside him, his mother smiled and waved to Chocobo-Cloud. The teen sank deeper inside his costume with a flushed face.
"Okay, bubbies! Places!" Mr. Mukki clapped his hands. "Places! Let's get this show on the road. No time for dilly-dally-shilly-shally-milly-mally… Meh. You bubbies get the point. Make Mukki proud!"
On that note, Ele' turned on the stereo between her feet. Dramatic orchestral music with a children's choir wailed in the background; Mr. Mukki's soundtrack of choice for the commercial. He wanted something epic. Ele' held up the script cards while Wedge kept the microphone's rod steady, making sure it didn't appear in the camera shot. As Cloud scuffled to his position, careful not to trip, Biggs tried to steady his camera with both hands. He zoomed into Mr. Mukki's face. Chocobo Chow's manager cleared his throat and popped out his shirt's collar. As usual, Mr. Mukki's suit was two sizes too small. His heavy chest looked ready to burst out of his cheaply made jacket.
"Take one!" Ele' announced after everyone stood in their designated spots. "Action!"
"Welcome to your one and only Chocobo Chow restaurant at Twenty-First Street," Mr. Mukki read from the index cards. The choir music sounded majestic in the background. "Here in Chocobo Chow, we pride ourselves in providing you, our valued customers, amazing meals for a great price. But don't just take my word. Take it from our furry friend here!"
The camera zoomed out. In came a flying Chocobo-Cloud. He leapt forward into the camera shot with his wings spread wide. Fluttering them up and down like a madman, Chocobo-Cloud screamed at the top of his lungs, "Wark! Wark! WAAAAAAARK!"
"Why, hello, Chocobo!" Mr. Mukki greeted with an over-the-top laugh. "It looks like even you are excited about our latest menu selections. You flew right in to hear about them? And here I thought Chocobos couldn't fly! Ha. Ha. Ha."
Chocobo-Cloud flapped his wings again and jumped. "Waaaark!"
Mr. Mukki smiled, showing all white teeth. He quickly turned and addressed the camera. "Here at Twenty-First Street we got the Choco-Choco-Choo-Choo Chocobo and the classic Chowder Chewy Chocolate Chocobo Chopper. For only fifteen Gil, it's definitely a deal. Isn't that right, Chocobo?"
"Waaaaark!" Chocobo-Cloud concurred and repeatedly bobbed his fat, flimsy head.
"Chocobo Chow uses nothing but the best ingredients provided by our locally-owned Chocobo farms," Mr. Mukki notified, "All of our Chocobos live the good life until that day comes when they magically transform into that unique top quality meat we all love!"
Behind Mr. Mukki, Chocobo-Cloud bounced left to right. He flailed his wings and warked loudly. In Cloud's head he wanted to die. He thought about the song that played earlier and how the Chocobo fled to a field of green. It was certainly better than this living hell.
Meanwhile, the choir of children sang louder. The stereo's music had reached a crescendo. So far, the commercial went smoothly. Mr. Mukki read his lines without referring to himself in the third person or calling anyone bubby. The amateur film crew also did a great job at capturing everything. Reaching the end of their scene, the manager stepped forward and looked directly at the camera.
"For a full list of our menu selections and daily deals, be sure to visit our website. Subscribe to our mailing list today and enter a chance to win a Chocobo Chow t-shirt and plushie. You can also order your meals through our online application. If you're in a hurry, don't worry! Our restaurant in Twenty-First Street has a drive-thru! So come on down. Start the day bright; start the day right. Right, Chocobo?"
"Wark! Waaaark! Waaaaaar-AAAAAHHHH-GAWDDAMNIT!"
It was at this point, Chocobo-Cloud tripped during a bounce. The bird boy had awkwardly landed on his floppy feet and fell face-forward. On the ground, Cloud moaned inside his furry suit.
"Oh crap!" Wedge panicked first. The chubby teen was ready to drop the rod and check on Cloud. But he swung his microphone rod too quickly. It smacked Mr. Mukki right on the face.
"EEEEeeeeee!" The manager's immediate squeak sounded like a distressed girl. Temporarily blinded, Mr. Mukki staggered back and forth and repeatedly rubbed his eyes with both hands. "Mother of Gaia! Mukki can't see! MUKKI CAN'T SEEEEEEEEE!"
"Damn it…" Ele' muttered with a sigh. Dropping the cards, she decided to help before things got worse. In her haste, though, her feet accidentally tripped over the stereo. Ele' landed hard. "Son-of-a-bitch!"
The children's choir music played on as the Chocobo Chow crew tried to recover from this disaster. Behind the camera, Biggs snickered and kept recording. His shaky camera screen showed Ele' muttering a long line of incoherent curse words while the manager cried a few feet away. Wedge stood next to him, sprouting one apology after another. Meanwhile, the camera caught sight of Chocobo-Cloud. He rolled back and forth on the ground, attempting to get to his feet. The large round shape of his costume nearly made it impossible. He was no better than a baby trying to stand.
Nearby, a random passerby hysterically laughed. He had his PHS out. With tears in his eyes, the man recorded the entire event. More people gathered to watch for themselves.
Biggs quickly panned his camera back to Cloud when he managed to get up; disheveled feathers and all. The camera stayed on the fluffy bird boy. It followed him as he marched straight up to the laughing guy with the PHS. Cloud's words were muffled by his oversized mask and the lack of Wedge's microphone. He sounded pissed off though. The giant Chocobo flapped a wing at the young man. When the obnoxious guy didn't stop laughing and kept his PHS on Cloud, the bird boy snatched the cellphone and threw it on the ground. It shattered into several pieces. Biggs' eyes widened from behind his lens.
In a matter of seconds, a fight broke out. Man versus Chocobo.
It was a battle of epic proportions. The camera's view of the battle shook nonstop but Biggs shot everything. Feathers flew everywhere. Unflattering words were exchanged along with blows. Chocobo-Cloud remained unharmed, however. None of the other man's punches could connect due to the sturdy softness of his costume. The bird boy retaliated with a firm whack with his wing. Then another. Whack-whack-whack! As the young guy stumbled backward, Chocobo-Cloud followed up the attack with a swing of his large feathery tail. It was enough to push the man down. With his enormous bird-like feet, Chocobo-Cloud stomped on the man.
The group of people gathered closer around them. They cheered and whistled. On the sidewalk, the child cried while the mother covered his eyes.
By the time Shinra infantrymen arrived to diffuse the situation, the male on the ground lay curled in a ball with his hands over his face. Aside from a bruised arm and ego, there weren't any permanent injuries. He was whisked to a hospital anyway as a precaution. It took the combined efforts of Ele', Wedge, Biggs, and Mukki to calm Cloud down, meanwhile. He was too annoyed and embarrassed to take off his mask. Chocobo-Cloud stood at his spot when the three Shinra IMs approached him.
This very bizarre altercation earned the unruly country boy an assault charge. Thankfully, the troops could not stop laughing. Nor could they find it in themselves to arrest the beloved Chocobo Chow mascot. They issued Cloud a court date and a two-hundred Gil fine for the incident. Case closed.
When the dust had finally settled an hour later, Chocobo Chow was opened for business. Cloud found himself in Mr. Mukki's office with all the boredom of a seventeen-year-old angst-ridden teenager. He sat alone. According to his wristwatch, it was close to ten. The stupid costume was gone and Cloud now wore the standard uniform he donned every day in this godforsaken place.
The first wave of customers had already been served. While the rest of his coworkers stayed at their assigned stations, Cloud quietly chewed on a stick of gum and waited for the inevitable talk with Mr. Mukki in his office. No doubt the manager wanted to go over what had happened earlier this morning. It would likely lead to another write up; his third to date. For a moment, however, Cloud considered the possibility of getting fired. Perhaps he'd gone too far this time. The teenager quickly brushed the gloomy thought aside. He rocked up and down on his squeaky chair.
Cloud's eyes wearily took in his environment. The manager's office was a place of wonders, driven by ego and a flamboyant flare. A marble statue of Mr. Mukki's face sat on a pedestal. His masculine features conveyed an oh-so-serious expression that often made Cloud roll his eyes each time he saw it. The man obviously couldn't get enough of himself because, to Cloud's left, hung a six-by-six foot screen printing of the boss too. It was a series of Mr. Mukki's portraits in all colors of the rainbow.
Fucking ridiculous.
Checking the fuzzy carpet below his feet, Cloud noted the collage of butterflies there. They suspiciously looked like giant cocks with wings. There were enough of them in various patterns and colors to make any person under the influence trip out. Cloud's face twisted into a grimace when he briefly eyed the framed pictures along the walls: Mr. Mukki's bubby club. They were mostly middle aged men who shared the same goofy-shape of the boss's moustache. The men also wore similar tight-fitting muscle shirts, their pectoral and arm hairs peeking out. Cloud looked away but soon made another face when he spied a long loveseat couch. He recalled the time Mr. Mukki napped there… wearing only a bright green thong with pink fuzzy socks.
Cloud still couldn't wash that image from his mind.
At the very least, Mr. Mukki was a tidy man. There wasn't a speck of dust anywhere and the air smelled of pumpkin spice. All of the paperwork was neatly piled together on top of a glassy, yellow-lit desk, along with a laptop. The corkboard nearby was evenly littered with pink heart-shaped notes. All the trash had already been taken out. Not far away was a bench press with a rack of dumbbells. They were placed in their sequential numbers.
Cloud slowly spun his seat around while he popped a big bubble in his mouth. His eyes locked onto Mr. Mukki's infamous surveillance system. He smirked. Ah, yes. That.
The surveillance system was the boss's pride and joy. Ten top-modeled, high-definition monitors were stacked together as a group against the far back wall. Below them, a long shelf housed a number of discs that contained recorded footage. Each monitor offered fully colored interior and exterior shots of the restaurant. It was a well-known fact Mr. Mukki liked to spy on his employees through his extra pair of eyes. Cloud imagined that in this small funky office, Mr. Mukki became a God.
In monitors one and two, Cloud saw various shots of the main eating area. Onscreen, Ele' served. There was a large amount of people in the restaurant, more than the usual amount for a Thursday morning. A man touched Ele's ass while she briefly bent to set down his tray. She promptly twisted his hand in one quick move. With no audio, Cloud watched the man silently yell and fall back on his chair. Asshole.
Monitor three provided an interior shot of the kitchen. Dressed in the mandatory Chocobo Chow apron, Biggs was in the middle of picking his nose when he suddenly noticed one of the patties burning at the cooking section. He quickly grabbed a fire extinguisher. Several robotic units scurried to his aid; their emergency lights blazed. The entire screen soon became a cloud of white spray. Biggs. What an idiot.
Monitor four covered the prep area. A few part-time rookies struggled with the station's interface commands. Two were in the middle of a heated verbal exchange. Both pointed their fingers at the other while their fluffy Chocobo hats furiously bounced up and down any time they shook their heads. Another employee blankly stared at a wall. He had the look of a dazed man questioning his life's decisions. Good grief.
An exterior downward shot of the drive-thru appeared in camera five. There was a long line of customers waiting to be tended to. Again, it was more than their usual attendance. Cloud wondered why so many had come. This was quickly turning into a hellish day at Chocobo Chow.
Monitors six and seven presented the restaurant's parking lot. It was nearly packed with cars. More still came through the other entrance. One of the cameras showed Wedge rolling out of Chocobo Chow with the food truck. He nearly ran over a dog but managed to swerve in the last second and hit the corner of a dumpster instead. Niiiiiice. That would cost a pretty Gil.
Monitor eight was another exterior shot. It displayed the children's playpen. Due to the chilly weather and it being a school day, not many children played outside. A mother and her tiny daughter occupied the Chocobo slide while a private schoolboy clad in dark clothes sat by himself on a Chocobo swing. The lonely boy swung up and down. His short silvery hair waved back and forth against the wind. He never looked up; never showed his face. It was as if he knew the hidden camera was there.
Cloud inwardly scoffed to himself. He wasn't surprised Mr. Mukki had a shot of every major location in his restaurant. Only monitors nine and ten were turned off. Curiosity got the best of the teen as he stared at the two blank screens. Then Cloud stood and approached the surveillance system. Turning the two monitors on, he narrowed his eyes at what he saw.
Monitor nine contained an interior shot of the men's restroom. It exposed the urinals while camera ten covered a top perspective of the stalls. As if Mr. Mukki's creep factor wasn't already high enough, Cloud now had undeniable proof he was a Peeping Tom. What a very sad and horny man.
Footsteps approached from an adjacent hallway. Cloud switched off the two monitors and hurried back to his seat. A moment later, the manager arrived.
Mr. Mukki held a PHS in one hand while he carried a cup of hot coffee in the other. Both of his eyes remained puffy from Wedge's accident an hour ago. He blinked twice in rapid succession, but could still see where he walked. At least the manager didn't wail like a baby anymore. That shit had been annoying. Briefly, Mr. Mukki looked up at Cloud. His smile appeared lopsided as he made his way to the desk and set down his items.
"Sorry for the wait, bubby," the manager started. "Mukki had a loooooot of things on his plate. So many things; so little time. Tick-tock, tick-tock."
Cloud quietly chewed on his gum. He wondered if that meant good news or bad news.
"Eh, how is Mukki's bubby holding up?" the manager pressed again.
The teen popped a bubble. Cloud wanted this show to start already. He always hated small talk.
"Oy, don't be afraid to talk. Mukki is here for his bubby." The manager waited for a response. When none still came, he sipped some of his coffee. Then he turned on his laptop and typed something on the keyboard. His eyes stayed on the screen as he asked, "Bubby, you know why you're here, right?"
Cloud nodded.
"Watch this," urged the big guy with a sigh. He turned his laptop around and mentioned, "Someone linked Mukki this. Mukki wants his bubby to see it."
On his laptop screen was the MyTube website; a popular place where many online users uploaded random material for their viewing pleasure. At the What's Hot section, there was a recent video entitled, Man Pwned by Chocobo. It was uploaded only half an hour ago. With already eighty thousand views and nearly the same number of thumbs-up approval ratings, it was a major hit.
Cloud's face paled significantly when he recognized the footage: it was a recording of his fight. The author who uploaded it had taken a few creative liberties with it though. Not only did the author colorfully add the fighting theme song from the Immortal Combat videogame in the background, but he or she also included punching sound effects. Two visible health bars appeared throughout the video. The words, FINISH HIM, popped up shortly before Chocobo-Cloud knocked down his opponent onscreen. Fake blood animated from the fallen young man as Chocobo-Cloud repeatedly kicked him.
"FATALITY!" a dramatic voice boomed from the laptop speakers.
Mr. Mukki lowered the volume after that and cleared his throat. Afterward, he took a very long sip of his coffee and avoided eye contact.
The Immortal Combat theme song occupied the silence that lingered between them. Cloud's face flushed red. In the video's comments section he noticed a large number of people share the video to their friends and favorite online channels. Many had also posted colorful remarks. Need to invite him to my kid's birthday party, wrote one online user. Gimme a spicy order of Kung-POW-Chocobo please, added another. When food fights back, a third posted.
There were a thousand more wise-ass comments listed below the video. Looking away from it now, Cloud ignored the rest. It was bad enough he fought some random guy in a Chocobo suit, but now he had acquired MyTube notoriety. Nearly swallowing his gum, Cloud's chair squeaked when he sank deeper into it. He wanted to disappear inside his seat.
"Thankfully, the recording never shows bubby's face," Mr. Mukki mentioned when he noticed the uncomfortable look on Cloud. He set his coffee down and immediately added, "There's also some good news. Get this, bubby: tons of bubbies have arrived since the video went viral. In fact, more bubbies keep pouring in by the second. Online orders have tripled!"
Cloud remained tight-lipped, unsure of how to react to this news.
"So technically speaking, Mukki's goal has been accomplished." His lips shaped into a sloppy grin. "Chocobo Chow is getting more traffic and beating the competition by a landslide!"
Still feeling numb by the whole experience, Cloud merely looked down at the carpet. He stared at the vast collection of colorful, flying dicks there.
Pausing now, the manager straightened the left tip of his moustache with two fingers. He expected a response of some kind by now. As before, there was none. Mr. Mukki slowly nodded his head and later disclosed, "The district manager is already aware of the situation, bubby. Mukki talked with him earlier. At first, he was upset. But once Mukki told him about the flood of bubbies stopping by?" The manager suddenly beamed. "Hoo boy, he was excited! He actually wants to change our commercial concept and use a part of your fight for a different edgier message: Chocobo Chow's menu kicks ass. Woo!"
Cloud glanced up with only his eyes. He wasn't sure whether to be honored or embarrassed by that change of direction. Regardless, it was actually good news the district manager no longer had a problem. Had he stayed pissed, Mr. Mukki would have had no choice but to fire him right now. Cloud felt his tensed shoulders relax. He waited for his boss to continue.
"The district manager has already issued a statement to a few bubbies from the press who caught whiff of the story. The powers-that-be will handle them though. They're already paying off that guy you beat up, including getting his permission to use his face for the commercial. See? Everyone wins, bubby!" Mr. Mukki clasped his hands together and leaned forward on his desk. "But the district manager specifically instructed Mukki to tell his golden bubby to keep silent. It's a way to keep your anonymity. If anyone asks who the bubby in the Chocobo suit was, Mukki's top ace says: no comment. Savvy?"
Dried-mouth, Cloud managed a weak, "Sure…" He honestly wanted to puke at this point.
"Don't worry, bubby, this will all pass over soon enough. Mukki already talked with the others. His bubbies all swore to keep quiet on the matter. Mukki especially had a good talk with Biggs; that particular bubby has a big mouth. But don't worry, I set him straight." He smiled and stood from his chair. While he approached a metal cabinet on the other side of his office, Cloud collected himself.
Only an hour ago Cloud's life had been fine. In fact, the only worries that consumed his mind these days involved the Shinra try-outs and an upcoming date with Jessie. The car mechanic had readily agreed on attending the LOVELESS play with him this weekend. It was a done deal. Cloud already purchased the tickets and found a good restaurant within his budget. But he needed to drop by the Pharmacy soon.
Cloud had gotten along with Jessie surprisingly well. She was easy-going and attractive in a rural kind of way. Like Tifa. Granted, there was the no-kissing rule on the first date. Still. Cloud didn't want to take a chance if he got lucky. Unless Jessie was a fan of the pulling-out method, it would be a good idea to purchase a pack of condoms from the Pharmacy before their date. Just in case. As a precaution. For peace of mind. That's what Cloud kept telling himself.
Unfortunately, buying rubbers proved to be an embarrassing moment for any self-respecting teenager. He had spent the past few days gathering the courage he needed to accomplish his mission. Cloud failed each time. By now, the Pharmacist had seen his face enough times at the counter to suspect he wasn't there for bubblegum or motion sickness pills.
It was never a dull moment in Cloud's life. This morning's event, however, reached a whole new level of absurdity. No way would Shinra or the Tsviets take him seriously if they ever learned he was the infamous Chocobo mascot brawler. That description, alone, didn't inspire fear in the hearts of Behemoths or Shivas. Cloud really hoped Ele' and the others kept their mouth shut. So help him, he would hit a Limit Break if they didn't.
So caught up with his newfound concerns, Cloud didn't notice the lights in the office suddenly go dim. Nor did he pick up the scent of rose from freshly lit candles in the office. It was only when Cloud heard a lonely saxophone play from a stereo that he shot an eye at the manager behind him.
With a file folder in his hand, Mr. Mukki batted his lashes. He must've reapplied cologne since he smelled strongly of mint now. A shade of pink flushed across the older man's cheeks. He grabbed a chair and planted it beside Cloud. That cheesy saxophone music played as Mr. Mukki scooted closer.
Oh hell no, Cloud thought. He promptly readjusted his chair and moved it inches away from the bear man. Cloud soon demanded, "Are we done here, sir?"
Mr. Mukki blinked for a moment, as if caught off guard by the question. Or perhaps he just realized his charms didn't work on a grumpy seventeen-year-old boy with a lot on his plate right now. Regardless, Mr. Mukki blushed and showcased a shining smile. "Mukki understands his golden bubby will be enlisting in Shinra's army come spring time, right?"
Cloud kept his arms crossed and guard up. He settled for a nod.
"That's too bad. Mukki's bubby is the hardest worker bee here."
In his seat, Cloud stayed quiet. A part of him grew anxious by those words. Mr. Mukki had always known about his desire to enlist. Everyone did. Still, the big dork never took it seriously and assumed it would never happen. A concerning thought suddenly crossed Cloud's mind.
"Mukki is sad to hear his bubby wants to leave," the manager admitted. His thick moustache drooped downward. "Mukki had hoped his bubby would change his mind, especially since you've been here for three years."
Cloud stopped chewing on his gum. That unsettling thought in his head grew tenfold. He didn't like the direction of this conversation. It was common practice for the fast-food industry to dump any persons with no future prospects toward the company. College degreed grads and those enlisting in the army were often the case. Chocobo Chow preferred employees who remained loyal in the long run. It was financially viable for them. Less training. Less investment time. Less fuss. With the ongoing flood of applicants who sought work on the Plate, from below and above, it was easy to replace a guy like him. The nasty write-ups on his record also didn't help. Cloud stared at the space between his feet again.
"Mukki's bubby is always here on time," continued the manager. He opened the folder in his hands. "You keep focused on the task at hand and take the initiative. Believe Mukki when he says he pays attention to everything that goes on in his restaurant. All of it."
Cloud didn't doubt that for a second. However, Mr. Mukki's shady extracurricular activities were the least of his concerns right now. More and more, Cloud became worried. This private talk had all the unsettling vibe of an 'it's-not-you-it's-me' goodbye speech.
He needed this job. Fucking needed it. There was the monthly rent, food expenses, and evening class to cover. Even his commute fees added up. Perverted bosses and annoying customers Cloud could handle. If he had to wear that stupid Chocobo suit again and refer to himself in the third person too, he'd do it. But losing his job? Living in the streets? Not having the Gil to pay his reapplication fee for Shinra? No. That was too much for Cloud. He'd come this far and survived without resorting to drugs or prostitution like all the other boys his age did. Cloud Strife may have been a lot of things. Reckless. Foolish. Hot-headed. But he was no sell-out. Cloud had his spirit and that was the only thing keeping him going.
"Mr. Mukki," Cloud finally interjected before things got too far, "I know I lost my cool early this morning. That was stupid. But I'll get better. It won't happen again. And I'll always give double the effort. Even if I'm trying to enlist, that doesn't change my dedication to this restaurant or the company."
"Mukki knows… Mukki knows…" the manager quietly affirmed. He took out a sheet of paper from the folder and held it in one hand. "That's why Mukki has to personally tell you this news…"
Cloud became silent again. He held his breath and waited for the inevitable two words: you're fired.
"Mukki knows you have your ups and downs. Mukki has had to write up all the naughty-naughty things his bubby did. But…" The manager's voice trailed into silence. Looking at Cloud now, he offered the sheet of paper to him and didn't say another word.
Cloud's initial reaction was not to accept it. From his seat, he glared at the paper as if it were a deadly virus being passed to him. He mentally concluded it was his resignation paper. This was it. This was his worst case scenario come to pass. Cloud wasn't sure whether to accept defeat or fight for his job.
"Mukki wanted his bubby here…" the manager spoke again when Cloud refused to take the paper, "…because Mukki has an assistant manager's position opened."
In his seat, Cloud paused. He frowned. When he managed to find his voice again, the sound that slid out of his mouth was low and rough. "Uh, what?"
"An assistant manager's position is opened."
Cloud still didn't understand what this had to do with him. He was about to get fired. He was here to fill out the necessary paperwork and turn in his uniform. Wasn't he?
"Mr. Mukki thinks you would make a good manager." The coarse moustache stretched as he smiled. "This is the application for it. Here. Take it."
Cloud sat still. His eyes locked on Mr. Mukki. Then he glanced at the paper. He slowly blinked. It had to be a trap. There was no way Mr. Mukki would offer him a promotion. Just an hour ago Cloud had made a fool of himself. He had fought a random guy on the street while dressed as a fucking Chocobo. It earned him a court date and fine. Yet, here was Mr. Mukki. Offering him a promotion?
Cloud finally exhaled and slumped in his seat. His body required more oxygen to process this train of thought. None of it made sense. The teen concluded Mr. Mukki must've smoked something before their meeting. The manager obviously got the wrong guy.
"Bubby, the pay would be good for you," the manager disclosed, noticing Cloud's hesitation. "It would get you out of the Slums. You could own your own home. Full healthcare benefits too. It's the works."
Cloud forced his mouth to work again. He shook his head. "But… why? I just… I'm not even sure… Am I even qualified for this position? I just screwed up this morning."
"Everyone makes mistakes," the big guy reminded Cloud with a single nod. "Mukki makes plenty. Hah, so many. You wouldn't believe how many! But Mukki sees a lot of potential in you. Mukki believes you would make a great leader someday. You're the one to lead the bubbies during lunchtime rush hour. Heh, with that type of leadership, you could lead a group of strangers through the apocalypse."
Staring at the application in the manager's hands, Cloud didn't know how to feel about this. It was so sudden. An assistant manager position provided a permanent job with an opportunity to go up the social ladder. Cloud could afford an apartment at the Plate since the salary was good. Hell, he could visit his mom whenever he wanted and check out the beaches in Costa del Sol. His healthcare and dental would be covered. No more scrapping by. No more making ends meet. It was the ideal position he could get as a non-degree, home-schooled country boy his age.
However. Mr. Mukki got the wrong guy. Cloud wasn't leader material. He could barely balance his own life, let alone a group of people. In the times Cloud managed a kitchen disaster or fixed an issue at the prep station he accounted it to pure luck. The incident this morning proved he had his limits and wasn't the most level-headed man for the job. Once someone pushed his buttons he went off like a bomb. With a soft sigh, Cloud rubbed a tensed spot at the back of his neck with a hand. To him, the most concerning aspect of this promotion didn't just involve his inability to fulfill the role. It was the fact it also closed off many doors. Including the one that led to the Tsviets.
"Bubby, you don't need to give Mukki an answer right now. But think it over, okay?" the manager said after a long moment of silence between them. "Think long and hard but know this window of opportunity won't last long. Mukki has to fill up the spot as soon as possible. A lot of bubbies want this position, including those from the Plate with their fancy business degrees. Mukki wanted to give you first dibs though. You're Mukki's number one."
"Just like that?" Cloud quietly asked. His doubtful, wary mind refused to accept this offer at full value. "You're telling me I'd get the position if I just filled out this application? Today? Right now?"
"Yep. Yep. And yep."
"But my track record…" the teen pointed out, "My lack of degree… Experience… My age…"
"Let Mukki handle that. Mukki will send in a good word for his bubby to the district manager. You'll also receive training for the position if you accept it. Don't worry about any of that." The manager winked. "But think it over. Okay? Not many opportunities come to a boy like you, especially with your history."
Cloud winced a bit, slightly taken aback by that last comment. Yet, his boss was right. Mr. Mukki may have been a weirdo but he possessed a genuine concern for his bubbies. This was the boss's way of getting Cloud out of that shithole in the Slums. It was why he had first dibs in the position. Mr. Mukki wanted the job to go to someone who could benefit most from it, whether they were fully qualified for it or not. This type of decision-making made Mr. Mukki the best and worse manager in the world.
Accepting the application at last, Cloud briefly looked over it. It contained the typical questions. Nothing too fancy. He didn't doubt the job provided a golden opportunity many wanted, including the more qualified variety. And here it was. In his hands. Literally. The completion of this application form would secure him for life. End of story. Cloud's fingers clutched the form.
"The coming weeks look busy, by the way," Mr. Mukki mentioned and sipped his coffee. "A lot of bubbies are visiting Midgar City for the opening winter festivals. This means Mukki has a lot of hours to give. Bubby, you'll be getting extra time on the clock, as many hours as an assistant manager's. Okay?"
There was a small smile on Cloud's face. Extra hours meant extra Gil. He'd need to work his training schedule and class around it, but it was definitely worth it. It meant more income to cover his regular expenses. Perhaps he could even indulge himself and get a proper haircut.
"It'll be a lot of hard work," the manager warned. "The upcoming schedule will give bubby an idea of the hours. Um… the girlfriend might not see you too much."
"I don't have a girlfriend," Cloud corrected, "so it won't be an issue."
"Oh?" Mr. Mukki's eyes abruptly lit up and he sat straighter. "No girlfriend, bubby?"
Cloud frowned. He instantly regretted exposing that bit of information. It wasn't long before the big bear donned a goofy grin on his face. His thick moustache sparked with a life of its own. Mr. Mukki pulled out a handkerchief from his coat's pocket and patted himself. He profusely sweated now.
"That's unfortunate, bubby," he later said. Obviously not sad. "A bright bubby like you… Single. Imagine that? Such cruelty. The inhumanity."
"Yea, imagine that…" Cloud sarcastically spat back. He nearly rolled his eyes.
Mr. Mukki scooted close to him again. In the dimly lit office, more saxophone music played. The fire of the candles flickered. Mr. Mukki stretched his arms upward and dramatically yawned. He swung a bulky arm around Cloud's shoulders. As if it was an accident. Riiiight. Cloud tried not to laugh at his boss's cheap and very cliché advances. His nose wrinkled at the intense scent of mint.
"I need to head off, sir," Cloud informed and stood, ready to leave. "I appreciate your recommendation. I'll definitely look over the application and give you my answer as soon as possible."
"Oh, bubby, stay and relaaaaax." The stupid grin never left Mr. Mukki's face. He eagerly patted on the empty spot Cloud had occupied just a second ago. "Daddy gets so lonely sometimes."
"Not interested." Cloud folded the application several times before slipping it into a back pocket. Then he headed out the door.