I'm so sorry I'm a day late guys! I was busy all day and then I just got sleepy and forgot. But here's the next chapter! Enjoy!
Yuzu waits a few days before returning to school. In those few days, Yuzu has to attend a conference with her father and the school principal. She's been assigned to visit with the school psychologist once a week until the end of the term. She is also required to sit down with the school guidance counselor and the boy who made the comments- Kosei- and apologize. It burns her up inside to apologize to him because it seemed he was simply waiting for her to snap with his insane comments.
One thing happened that Yuzu did not expect. Upon her apologizing to Kosei, he broke down in tears.
"What's your problem?" She asks him, her voice dripping with bitterness.
"Hiragi San…" He starts. "They told me what really happened and why you were gone so long. When I heard, I felt like… I felt terrible for saying all the stuff I said."
"Oh please!" Yuzu laughs as she rolls her eyes behind her sunglasses. "Even if I hadn't been violated," she emphasizes the word on purpose and is satisfied when Kosei cringes. "It wouldn't have changed the fact that you said some completely ugly and cruel stuff, Senpai, really ugly stuff." She's just getting warmed up. "Even if I hadn't been attacked and was doing something weird, that's still my business, okay? You had no right to say any of that no matter what it is that you thought I was doing!" She's on her feet now standing in front of Kosei. The counselor is sitting behind his desk, watching the conversation unfold. He's interested in what Yuzu has to say, but is ready to step in if things get hostile.
"Not only did you say terrible things about me but you brought my friends into it. You dragged Yuya… How dare you speak to him that way. How dare you!" She comes even closer to Kosei.
"Yuzu, take it down a notch." The counselor steps in but immediately steps out when Yuzu backs down.
"I'm sure you noticed that I didn't- rightfully- try to kill you until after you started talking all that trash to Yuya. For your information, I was 'taken from behind' as you so elegantly put it," she air quotes. "And it was the most painful…. Most… Most painful…" She can't control the tears. She can't control the air leaving her lungs. "Dammit, Senpai!" She's blaming him for this panic attack.
Kosei just stares in complete horror.
"Alright, Yuzu." The counselor stands and walks over to the young girl as she continues to hold herself and cry. "Take a seat." He guides her back to her chair. "Yuzu, listen to me, I'm going to count backwards from 10. With each count, try to slow your breathing." He has a steady hand bracing her shoulder. Yuzu nods, focused solely on the counselor's voice.
"10… 9… 8…"
By the time he hits 2, she's stopped crying and is breathing steadily again.
"Better?" He asks. Yuzu just replies with another nod. "Did you say everything you wanted to say?"
"No!" She finally looks up. "I'm not finished." She takes a deep breath.
"Kosei Senpai, I don't care what you say about me. Do whatever you want. Just... Leave. My friends. Alone. Do you understand me?"
Kosei is still speechless from what he just witnessed.
"Senpai!" Yuzu snaps him back to attention.
"Yeah, I got it." Kosei runs a hand through his hair. "I got it."
"You're not to say a word about anything that you saw or that you learned today. Just because one person knows the truth, doesn't mean people are automatically going to just shut up about it. The best thing you can do to help me at this point is to just… Just be quiet." She continues. "The only rumors that I appreciate you actively shutting down, if you must, are any that involve my friends. That thing about me, Gongenzaka, and Yuya at lunch the other day," she shakes her head. "Feel free to kill that one. Anything to do with my friends- I don't want to hear about it." Yuzu has finally caught her breath.
"Are… Are you sure? I can tell people to quit it with the rumors altogether. After-"
"Senpai," Yuzu cuts him off. "You've done enough."
"But what about all this other stuff people are saying? You know it wasn't just me."
"Of course I know it wasn't just you! This stupid… gossip is just what we do as teens with too much time on our hands. We can't control what others say, Senpai, but we can control what we listen to and what we ignore. I chose not to listen to your 'clever' little jabs about me, but when you involved my friends and asked Yuya that god awful question…" Her cheeks grow warm and her heart starts to race as the anger returns. "That I couldn't ignore."
"I… I understand, Hiragi San." Kosei surrenders.
"I know it doesn't make the most sense in the world. But after something like this happens to you, nothing really makes sense. I have to make due with what I have and that's not a lot for me right now." Yoko taught her this. At the time she just listened, not really caring to understand. After this whole back to school gone wrong nonsense, Yuzu understands what Yoko was saying with perfect clarity.
She doesn't care what people say about her. She simply doesn't. Yuzu has a finite amount of energy. She's decided to devote it to spending time with friends and family who can help her recover. She could care less about what twisted theories her classmates have come up with. What does any of that stuff matter? Yuzu is the only person in the world who knows the truth. That's all that counts. What they say can't hurt her.
It's when they brought up Yuya that she had a problem. It makes her feel like someone is onto her. Like her biggest secret is out and everyone knows it. That is her biggest weakness. Something she can't stand to even think about, let alone hear from others.
"Kosei, I think Yuzu is being very clear about what she wants going forward. There's a lot of truth to what she's saying. Even if what she went through is brought to everyone's attention, it doesn't mean they'll automatically start treating her better. Sexual assault is just so misunderstood by kids your age. It could actually make the bullying worse."
"It just doesn't seem fair." Kosei admits.
"Nothing that's happened so far has been fair, Senpai. I don't think being raped was fair. Telling everyone is not going to magically change how people think of me. Especially since they've made up their own facts about how I've spent my month off." Yuzu crosses her arms.
"But, having one more person in your corner won't hurt you, Yuzu, I hope you know that." The counselor tells the young girl. She just nods.
"Will there be any further issues between you two?" The counselor asks.
"No." Yuzu says right away.
"Uh… yeah what she said. No problems."
"Kosei I'm just reminding you once more that you are not allowed to discuss this session. Yuzu's business is strictly confidential and you can actually face serious repercussions for talking about this to anyone."
"Understood." Kosei nods. "For what it's worth, Yuzu- wait, can I call you Yuzu?"
She nods again. Why not?
"I just wanted to say I'm-"
"I'm sorry for starting a fight with you." Yuzu cuts him off- she doesn't make direct eye contact as she speaks. "I lost my temper and it won't happen again."
"It's alright, I really deserved it. All that crap I was spewing I think I saw it coming. I just thought it would be the big guy instead of you." He tries to release some of the tension. Yuzu does crack a slight smile, much to Kosei's relief.
"Bygones are bygones." Yuzu holds out her right hand to him. "Let's move past it."
"Agreed. Let's start over. Hi, i'm Kosei, 3rd year middle school."
"Yuzu, 2nd year."
"So… How'd it go?" Yuya tries to ease his way into the conversation after handing Yuzu her bowl of strawberry ice cream.
"How'd what go? The meeting with Kosei?"
Yuzu looks away from the glowing sunset for a split second. Yuya nods.
"Well… Not at all how I expected, that's for sure."
"Was he still saying all that-"
"No, actually. He practically got down on his knees and apologized." Yuzu eats a delicious spoonful of her favorite ice cream. The first time she's enjoyed the cold treat in a while. She can only do this with Yuya being so near.
"As he should have." Yuya scoffs.
"The school told him what happened. So now Kosei knows the truth."
"That doesn't change the circumstances!" Yuya responds. "So what if things were different. He shouldn't have said that stuff in the first place!" Yuya angrily bites down on his ice cream cone and groans in pain when the cold is too much for his teeth. Yuzu can't help but laugh. "Great minds think alike. That's what I told him. But… Either way I knew he really was sorry. He even offered to help stop the rumors."
Yuya snorts. "Oh solution of the century." He rolls his eyes.
"Now you're scaring me." Yuzu laughs again. "That's exactly what I told him!"
"Seriously? It seems like common knowledge if you ask me." Yuya shrugs.
"Well I guess not. Anyway, I told him to forget about the rumors. I just wanted him to make sure that he put a stop to any rumor that involved you or Gongenzaka because at that end of the day that is what sent me over the edge in the first place."
Yuya doesn't miss this critical piece of information Yuzu has given him. He tries to use this as a gateway to his next question.
"Why is that?"
"Why is what?" She pretends that she doesn't hear him at first.
"I mean, I know you get defensive when people mess with your friends. But with this… They were saying way worse stuff about you. What was that about?"
Instead of answering, Yuzu just eats another spoonful of strawberry. This bite is a little colder than the previous. It doesn't make her feel good.
"I can't say…." Yuzu mumbles. She really doesn't know how to explain this. It's true, Yuzu doesn't tolerate people making fun of her friends, but that's probably only about 10% of the reason she was ready to rip Kosei's head off.
"I… I don't know how to explain it." Yuzu has grown even quieter. "It just really got to me." She sighs. "You know when he asked about…" Keep breathing, Yuzu. "That… Taking me from behind comment."
"Yeah." Yuya feels extremely guilty for making his friend so uncomfortable. But she's willing to talk to him, so he'll listen now and try to make it up to her later.
"Th-that's how it h-happened." She drops her ice cream and the plastic bowl rolls across the patio floor. She brings her hands to her face. Calm down. Calm down. "That was how he hurt me… From behind." She's never told anyone this, let alone Yuya.
For the first time since these anxiety attacks started, Yuzu is able to calm herself before it gets any worse.
"Are you okay?" Yuya asks, worried and even more guilty than before.
"Yeah. I'm fine, i'm fine." Yuzu is still catching her breath. "That's not the reason I lost it." She admits.
"Huh?" Yuya is thrown off guard.
"It's because he said it was you! How could he say that?! How could he… Why would anyone even assume… I can't." She isn't panicking but she still feels insane emotions overwhelming her.
"I told you! I told you that you didn't hurt me! You would never…" she can't control the sobbing. "Why did he say that?!" She cries.
Yuya sits and listens to Yuzu vent with a heavy heart. It's the worst feeling in the world seeing her in this much pain.
"Hey, it's alright." Yuya forgets about his melted ice cream and moves to sit next to Yuzu. He puts an arm around her. "We both know the truth. That's all that matters." He says quietly to her. Hearing Yuya say this is actually the most comforting statement he could make. 'We know the truth. That is all that matters.' It comforts her but it also makes her guilty. He knows a portion of the truth. He knows he didn't hurt Yuzu, but he's a lot more involved than he's been lead to believe. Yuzu has to remind herself that this is the better alternative. She can't have Yuya hating himself for something he had no control over. She's noticing slight cloud cover in the sunshine of her mind. It will remain as long as the full truth is hidden. Yuzu will deal with the clouds forever if need be.
"Check out the sunset, Yuzu." He recaptures her attention. "Remember when we were little, and we used to look every day to see who could find a new color?"
"We were such idiots." Yuzu says quietly. Her eyes are still teary but she's smiling. "We could never remember all the colors we found and basically started over every single day." They share a laugh. It feels good to laugh with him. It feels normal.
"I'm sorry for making you relive all of that, Yuzu. I guess my curiosity got the best of me." He really didn't want to upset her, and regrets the fact that he did. "It was a dumb question anyway." He shakes his head.
"To be honest, i'm okay with it." Yuzu looks at her best friend.
"Really?"
"Yeah." She smiles. "My goal moving forward is to try and talk more about what's going on with me. I've realized that keeping it all to myself isn't helpful at all."
"Well, that's great! I'm glad you're willing to talk because you know me, I'll always listen." He smiles, feeling somewhat at ease from what she said.
"You're the best, Yuya."