Light and warmth. (Soulmate Au)
(you have glasses in this and you are scared of millipedes.)
*(F/N)'s POV*
Her braids hung beside her ears, her eyes set straight ahead.
The faint sounds children screaming, running around at the playground.
Smiles on their faces, timers on their hands.
Don't break now, (F/N).
The girl, her figure sitting on the ground, the green surrounding her.
Away from the others.
Her face was small, her arms crossed.
"Why are you sitting alone here?"
Quick voice, soft eyes.
The boy's brown eyes stared at her.
The girl stared back.
"Why aren't you playing?"
Don't let the tears fall now, (F/N).
The girl instinctively covered her left arm.
She looked away.
"Just go."
He continued to watch her, the wind blowing past them.
"What's wrong with your clock?"
She froze. Her grip around her arm becoming tighter.
"Nothing's wrong with it."
"You're lying."
The boy reached out his arm, and tugged at hers.
"You're timer's at zero?"
The girl stood up. She could feel herself about to cry again.
His hand in hers.
"I'm not going to laugh."
She looked at him.
His grey hair, his small figure.
Can you trust him, (F/N)?
"My clock's always been at zero. The other children laugh. They say no
one will love me. They say I'm abnormal."
She tore her arm away.
The tears in her eyes, the pain in her heart.
"You can trust me."
Are you sure, (F/N)?
"You don't have to cry anymore. I'll be here."
Here? For how long?
"My name is Sugawara Koushi."
"I'm (F/N) (L/N)."
Short pause, the girl slowly looking up.
"Don't cry anymore. Smile! Like this!"
The boy grinned.
The girl laughed.
"You'll be my friend, right?"
"Of course!"
"Promise you'll never leave? Promise you'll never laugh at me?"
"Promise!"
The wind in their hair, their laughter mixed together.
White clouds, blue sky.
•
Me not having a timer doesn't mean I'm lesser than everyone else.
When one is born, there is a timer located on the lower part of your left arm.
The numbers start high, counting down till the numbers reach zero.
"Where are her numbers, Doctor?"
"What's wrong with your timer?"
"Zero? It's never counted down? You mean you don't have a soulmate?"
"I thought the people whose clocks are broken are from hell, that's why no one was made for them!"
"What a freak."
"No one will ever love you."
Are soulmates the only things people care about?
The numbers have surrounded me all my life.
People ask me, laugh at me, mock me.
Some people stopped to ask if I was fine, how I was feeling.
No one really stopped forever.
It's fine though.
So what if I don't have someone made for me?
So what if I don't have a soulmate?
I have Koushi._
He's always been there for me, and he'll never leave.
He promised me.
He promised me that he'll fight off the bullies.
He promised me he'll be my light when times were the darkest.
My timer didn't mean anything to him.
He promised he'll make me feel happy when the world was against me.
I know that he will stay with me.
I trust him.
And he's all that I need.
You've loved him your whole life (F/N), but what if he never loved you back?
•
Her hair let down, flowing below her shoulders.
(Colour of glasses) glasses balanced on her nose.
The girl, her face no longer full of confusion, but more mature.
The boy, also slightly older.
His eyes, more understanding.
His figure, slightly taller than the girl.
"Koushi?"
Her phone in her hand, her eyes on him.
The boy turned from desk, brown eyes meeting her gaze.
"Yes?"
"What's it like to have a timer, Koushi?"
He looked down at his arm.
He knew.
He knew she was asking because she knew she would never have a timer.
Somewhere deep inside her mind.
Something hacking at her from the inside.
The fact that she didn't have a soulmate digging into her brain.
Slight pain in her heart.
Flicker of her eyes.
"It's nothing much, really."
He looked at her, soft smile forming on his face.
Wind blowing through the open window, ruffling his hair.
"There's a slight twinge at times, but nothing else."
He looked down at his clock, the girl staring at it too.
03:04:05:27:47:17
It's getting closer.
He won't leave you, (F/N).
It's the test now, (F/N).
If he really did love you, he would stay.
Out of pity?
Do you really want to hold him back, (F/N)?
The girl looked up, the boy staring at her.
Her face heating up.
"Stop staring at me, horrible."
Slight laughter, turning away.
.Don't forget now, (F/N).
The boy's back facing her.
Her eyes on her clock.
00:00:00:00
My soulmate isn't Koushi. It never was.
Don't forget now, (F/N).
Tears in her eyes.
Wind in her hair.
Koushi has someone made for him. That's what keeps you from him loving you back.
Silent cry, fake smiles.
3 years, 4 months, 5 weeks, 27 hours, 46 minutes, 48 seconds.
•
Wednesday, 21 June
Soft music, hot tea.
The girl, 21 year's old.
The boy, turning in a few months.
"Horrible millipede! I was walking and it just appeared right there!"
The boy laughed.
Soft eyes, quick heart.
The girl could feel her face heating up, her heart beating faster.
(F/N) was in love with Sugawara Koushi.
It wasn't a big deal, really.
He was good looking, she'd admit.
Caring too.
He was everything that she needed.
He seemed distant.
His eyes, blank.
His hands, trembling.
"Koushi?"
His eyes flicked back to her, his face apologetic.
"Sorry. You were saying?"
His hair billowed as the door opened.
"What's wrong, Kou-"
Her heart stopped, her mind blank.
His timer.
62 seconds.
"Should I be feeling nervous?"
He looked around, rubbing his arms.
He stood up, pacing a little.
50 seconds.
Fake smiles, small laughs.
"If you're this nervous you'll scare them, horrible."
He's going to leave you, Andrea.
He'd never.
36 seconds.
The boy, walking to the window, looking out.
Heart quickening, sharp breaths.
I should be happy for him.
27 seconds.
That he's finally meeting the one that was made for him.
25 seconds.
"God I'm scared."
He ruffled his hair, his eyes shining.
Empty laughs, cold hands.
19 seconds.
Me not having a timer doesn't make me lesser than anyone else.
She looked up at the boy.
It does do something though.
14 seconds.
"What do you think they're like?"
The girl shrugged, forcing a smile.
Don't let the tears fall yet, (F/N).
12 seconds.
I trusted him.
He told me that he'd never leave me.
10 seconds.
But no matter how hard I try, he'll never love me back.
9 seconds.
Everyone's waiting for someone.
I wish I had Koushi.
I should have treasured the minutes I had with him, when he was still with me.
5 seconds.
I can't make him stay.
I know I can't.
3 seconds.
She felt small again.
Small when she didn't know anything.
Small when they laughed at her.
2 seconds.
He has someone better now, right?
1 second.
Trust him now, (F/N).
0 seconds.
Trust him that he won't leave you forever.
Opening door, light steps.
His eyes shot to the door.
A tall girl, her hair tied up in a messy ponytail.
She saw him.
Slight twitch.
The girl looked at her arm, her eyes
widening.
A sting in her eyes, a pain in her heart.
Koushi walked up to her.
Small smile, his hand in hers.
"I guess we're soulmates, aren't we?"
Heads turning, small gasps.
People in the café turned to look at them.
A few of them smiled warmly, happy for them.
Some clapped, soon the noise was all around her.
Suffocating the tears that were threatening to spill.
Drowning out the sobs that were ringing in her head.
The girl blushed, her big eyes staring up at her Koushi.
He never was yours in the first place.
She remembered when it felt like it.
When the world revolved around his laugh, his smile.
When her world revolved around the trust, the safety.
Now everything was gone.
She tried desperately to grab them back. The things she loved.
She tried to grasp the wisps of laughter, the feeling of being loved, of being in love.
There was nothing but darkness.
She stood up.
The people in the café were the children in the playground.
Their mixed voices the mockery she had suffered.
His laughter now taunting her, his warmth fading away from her cold, cold world.
"I should go."
There was no reply for her, his eyes and ears only aware of the other girl.
Quick steps, fading light.
(F/N) finally let the tears fall, for there was no one in her world to see her.
She could finally express herself, with no worries of anyone watching her.
But now, there wasn't anyone to comfort her either.
His light went out.
•
(F/N) was not one to let her heart rule her head.
She had known for the longest time that the day would come, where Koushi would be ripped away from her.
When whatever she had believed in would be gone forever.
That his warmth would disappear.
Still, for all those years, she didn't let the thought consume her.
She let the warmth and light, flood her world.
His warmth something that she had never experienced before.
(F/N) knew that she would be able to live on without him.
That she could continue with her job, and get a promotion in at least 2 months' time.
Her head told her to forget him.
Now that he had a soulmate, he would no longer aid her.
He would no longer stay up with her on the phone to keep her company.
He would no longer continue to help her with her stress, or make food for her when she was overworked.
Her head told her that remembering him would only bring more pain.
But something tugged at her.
(F/N) tried to ignore it, her ears trying to stifle the other noise, to stop crying and continue on with the day, for she had work to be done.
She tried to turn away, to go back into the cold that she was so used to when he wasn't around.
It pulled her back.
It pulled her mind back 15 years, to when Koushi stood before her on the green, her back to the tree.
It pulled her back to when Koushi stood by her side, fending off the bullies.
It pulled her back to when he brought light and warmth, just for her.
It pulled her back when there was safety, and comfort.
The light seems welcoming.
And for once, (F/N) listened to her heart.
Her heart reminded her of everything Koushi had done for her.
Her heart reminded her of the promises and secrets they had.
Her heart reminded her of the light, of happiness.
Her heart reminded her of the quickening of her heart whenever he was around. When her cheeks would heaten when he smiled at her.
Her heart reminded her of her love.
And she realised.
Koushi brought the warmth and light into her world.
When he was happy, there was warmth.
He's not with you anymore stupid, what's there to be happy about?
But Koushi is happy. He's experiencing the things I could never give him, and he's finally with the one that was made for him
He will forget you.
But he has brought so much light, and warmth and happiness into my world. I shouldn't ask for anything more.
She was reminded of the flutters, the tingling in her heart when he smiled at her.
But when he is happy, there is warmth.
I might not be the one giving him his happiness…
She stopped, letting the tears well up in her eyes once more, the shining crystals in her eyes falling down as happiness, laughter and warmth.
She felt the light fade, and there was only her in the dark void.
But there was Koushi, and he would always be there.
She felt light, and there was happiness.
There were tears and there was joy.
That was the world she was going to be in, one day.
But, one day, I will be with him again.
Away from the dirty world that revolves around the timers on our arms.
Away from the darkness I have been kept in.
Away from our Earth and up in the sky.
Where there will be light, and I will have warmth.
She would wait until then.
She made a promise to herself, and she was not one to break her promises.
"Don't cry anymore! Smile, like this!"
She breathed, the tears blurring her vision.
The darkness shrouded her once more, but now, there was hope.
At the end, there was light.
At the end, she would make running though her hell which she called life all worth it.
For there was Koushi, and he was all that she needed.
If he's happy, I will be too.
epilogue
(f/n) did get a promotion in less than 2 months, like what she predicted. she continued to work harder than ever, and eventually was the head doctors in one of the most prestigious hospitals in japan. however, gossip in the workplace was much worse than she had ever imagined. after 4 years of being taunted, disgraced and mocked, (f/n) was unable to take it anymore, and slit her wrists. koushi was at her side when she took her final breaths, he was too late to save her. finally, she was light, and there was happiness and hope, surrounding her. but even in the cool air and the wispy cloud, she knew something was missing. koushi married his soulmate a few years after (f/n)'s death, and even though she brought him much happiness, he was unable to shake the memories of (f/n), and the happiness she had brought unto him. many years later, he joined (f/n). when he looked up, he couldn't believe it was her. for now there were stars in her eyes, and happiness in her laugh. her arm had no black markings on them, the clock was erased. and they both knew, that she was finally satisfied. for there was no timer, and there was koushi, and he was all she needed.
AN: WEW THIS TOOK A WHILE TO EDIT SO I HOPE YOU LIKE IT! Finally something I wrote this year so hopefully not as cringey? Let me know if I improved! Reader insert is based off my best friend, I love her! She's really scared of millipedes and even though I can't interpret her thinking, hopefully I'm able to understand her better now! Well until next time! I hope you liked this and next up is Angst! Nishinoya x Reader!
Until next time! ILY!
-Cloudy