''Alright New Directions please be quiet! Be quiet, New Directions!''
Kurt rolled his eyes, realizing that he was the only one, besides Finn who had automatically responded to the call of his Dom, who was paying any attention to Rachel. Of course, everyone was too disturbed by the story of the visit to the Warblers and their improved skills and too worried about who would get the solos for sectionals to listen to Rachel and her weekly speech of why she ought to be the only protagonist.
"Nobody cares, man hands," Santana shouted over the scandal. She and Mercedes were having a fight over who deserved more the main solo and Rachel looked at them as if they had grown another head.
"Rachel, I don't think this is the best moment," He said, already dazed with all the shouting coming from the back of the choir room.
It had been several days now and Mr. Shue didn't seem to have any interest in stopping the constant fights that took place in the classroom, to what Kurt knew, he was busy chasing Ms. Pillsbury and trying to fix their relationship problems to pay attention a choir competition.
As for him, he was in no mood to remain part of a never-ending war. He'd been interested in marking some important points on the first day the issue came afloat, but now it just seemed pointless.
He still felt a little turned down for the break-up with Blaine. Blaine, whose eyes Kurt could felt right on his neck from two rows behind. But maybe that had more to do with Kurt's activities in recent days, which had consisted in watch romantic movies and listen to music so loud he was sure that his neighbors would have the chorus of 'My heart will go on' stuck in their heads at least a week. Of course, none of those things meant that he was still mourning his loss. Not at all. It was just that it was difficult to do any of those things without thinking about Blaine. Even if it had passed 6 months instead of one he would probably think of him. It was completely normal and something that everyone did, right?
At the other hand, Kurt's thoughts had been divided between his current romantically frustrated life and Sebastian Smythe.
It wasn't on purpose. His hormones had remained afloat all the next day after their encounter. And then he simply hadn't been able to stop thinking about the boy; if he had gotten help, if he'd be better or worse by now; at least that had distracted him from other things, it was the only positive thing about all this situation. But Sebastian would be forgotten sooner or later, he doesn't really think the guy is stupid enough to allow himself to become worse than he already was.
Rachel cleared her throat so hard that in fact several people turned to see her. "Guys, sectionals are just around the corner, instead of fighting amongst ourselves don't you think we should be doing a strategy that can lead us to victory?"
"Oh yeah right! As give you all the solos, huh Berry?" Quin said ironically, raising a challenging eyebrow and Santana was about to shout something else when Rachel spoke again.
"Well! As a matter of fact, that would save us a lot of time in discussions. But it's not that. "A collective whimper was heard in the choir room but suddenly everyone seemed more interested in the conversation. Rachel smiled and continued. "I was thinking of getting real professional help. We can't risk losing the regionals, we barely won last year."
"It's noteworthy that now that we have Kurt and Blaine we have some advantage," Artie said.
"And what does it serves us for?" They're no more than background singers like the rest of us," Tina snapped, pointing to everyone sitting in front of Rachel.
"I don't want to start a fight but that's true," Mike agreed, shrugging. "I mean, I'm perfectly fine just dancing, but we have excellent singers and is not as if we took advantage of it a lot."
"Okey!" Rachel exclaimed, annoyed with everyone blaming her because no one got to sing. "But we're not talking about that. My dads know someone and-"
"That sure would give you all the solos," Someone, Kurt believed was Sugar, shouted.
And so it went more or less all the hour.
They hadn't really come to anything, the conversation practically a waste of time. He had thought that Glee Club could help him to relax but at the end of the hour Kurt was just the same or more tired than he was at the start of it. At least his home was a quiet place these days, with Finn at soccer practice or at Puck's or Rachel's almost all the time and his father in Washington the weekend and working in the shop and his work in the Congress all the other days he had the house to himself. It had been useful in past months, when he and Blaine would use the chance to spend time alone, but now he was mostly lonely most of the time. But he could appreciate the benefits of loneliness now.
He warmed himself remains of yesterday's lasagna and ate it watching an old episode of Friends on TV; he did his homework and changed channels alternating between a program and other for hours. Outside it had already started to dusk and he was seriously considering walking to the bakery a few blocks away to buy a slice of something sweet and full of calories that'd make him feel more alive when his cell phone, buried somewhere behind the cushions began ringing, filling the room with the voice of Britney Spears.
He frowned when he saw the number on the screen, it was nothing like any number he knew. He kind of had expected it to be Mercedes or maybe Rachel but it that wasn't the number of any their phones or houses. He wasn't going to answer, it wasn't like a lot of people called him on a regular basis, not even to offer things. His cellphone conversations covered his father and a few kids of Glee whose with more than anything exchanged messages instead of calls, yet his curiosity got the worst of him and he touched the green icon on the screen to answer.
"Hi, who is this?" He asked, holding his phone tighter than it was necessary against his ear, uncertain.
"Hu-Hummel?" A dry, broken voice said at the other side of the line. Kurt gulped, thinking of hanging up just then. He was not a coward but that was a stranger with a creepy voice and that also knew his name. Anyone would be scared by that. It was probably the theme of at least 30% of the horror movies in existence. But this wasn't a movie and he wasn't going around giving his phone to any vagabond on the streets so he didn't dare.
"Who is this?" He repeated instead, in a challenging voice.
The voice on the phone took a while to answer, although he could hear the heavy breathing on the other side all the time, that made him even more nervous and he was starting to feel really paranoid. The person cleared his throat a set of three times before speaking again.
"Sebastian. Sebastian Smythe, the guy of Dalton?"
Kurt opened his mouth, then stopped, letting out a random noise. "Ahh, Sebastian? Did you- How- How did you get my number?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"B-Blaine Anderson."
Kurt's eyes opened. Oh. Did Blaine and Sebastian... well, it didn't matter. "Why would he…" He shook his head. "I mean, what happens? You sound terrible, something happened?"
"I need help," He said, quickly, though difficult to understand. "I need you to get me something... from the pharmacy." He groaned, and a noise was heard in the background, then he groaned deeper.
"Are you crazy?" Kurt asked, he really couldn't believe this was serious. "To Dalton? You've got to be kidding me, it's more than an hour from here."
He could hear the hesitation in Sebastian's voice much better than he could understand his words and he knew where he was going with all this. "I- Please? I-need it. My sickness, it got worse."
Kurt sighed, covering his eyes with the hand that wasn't holding the phone. "Sebastian, I can not believe you've been so irresponsible." He said, hoping that Sebastian was here to give him a good kick in the ass. He let go the scolding, however, in order to hit his own head against the back of the sofa.
Apparently Sebastian was too desperate to discuss anything anyway.
"Will you bring me what I'm asking or not?" he demanded and Kurt's eyebrows lifted almost to the birth of his hair, even though Sebastian could not see him. There was something like a sigh out of the phone and Sebastian was talking again. "Please?" he asked, not very happy to has to do it. "Kurt if I don't take something soon... I'm scared okay? My heart is beating too fast, my sight is blurred and I'm sweating and I think I'm going to explode soon, I don't know how long I can hold out like this..." he admitted and Kurt could hear the truth in his words. And if Sebastian Smythe was degrading himself enough to ask for help from the prole, well, he assumed it was an emergency.
"Ok, ok. I'm coming." He declared. "What do you need?"
He heard the sigh of relief at the other side of the line and a few things moving. "Shit, okay, is called vitrofilina, it's sold on the road from Lima to Westerville, but you need your ID."
"Why do I need my ID?"
"They need to check that you're legally an adult and a dom." Kurt thought he heard a growl in the voice of Sebastian. "It's a very strong drug, used to sedate animals with some problems with... uhh, I don't remember now, but I've read that it has some components that can turn off the symptoms in of the sickness." He explained.
Kurt didn't think there was such a thing, if it did, it wouldn't be used for that purpose already instead of having the government spending so much money on special clinics?
"If I hadn't bought it's because I can't, my fake ID wouldn't work for that, but I promise you I'll pay you as soon as you arrive. It costs about 85 dollars, by the way."
"You're sure it's safe to take it, it won't do you any harm?"
He hesitated. "Not if I take it in small quantities..." he muttered under his breath. "Hey, just hurry up, allright?"
Kurt sighed, sure this wouldn't lead to anything good. "Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can," he said anyway, because he couldn't just ignore the issue, just as he hadn't been able to just ignore the issue a few days ago. He hung up without waiting for Sebastian's response and hurried to find the car keys, wherever he'd left them.
…
Sebastian looked at the superficial crack on the white wall, trying to focus his eyes on that one thing and failing miserably. He could feel his eyes straying without permission no matter how much he tried to keep them still, wandering all over the place as a looking for something, anything to help him escape this fucking hell. His head ached as if and anvil had just been dropped on top of it and his eyes were sore, and hot and swollen and if it wasn't completely illogical he would think that his intestines had been replaced with hot metal. He couldn't breathe and was sure he was hyperventilating.
He ran a hand across his forehead removing the strands of hair wet in sweat stuck to his skin. He was being burned alive. In fact, every part of his body felt as if he were in a sauna.
A loud noise echoed in his ears and through his head, startling him and making him jump from where he was humiliatingly lying down after he'd slipped and fallen into the tub shower. His body moved by itself in panic and another noise even stronger filled the bathroom as more things began to fall to the floor and on top of him, causing his body to react in alarm and get himself out of the tub, freeing his leg that had been trapped under him for at least twenty minutes.
It was embarrassing to admit that even the strong and fast beats of his heart in his ears made him feel more and more anxious every second. One shouldn't be able to hear internal organs, not like that. Everything around him was so quiet that any sound made him lose his head, everything seemed to happen in slow motion, a gray mist clouding his vision and making him more paranoid than he already feels, his heart pounding wildly in his chest as he tried to process what was happening every moment.
He tried to balance on his own feet, failing a few times but eventually succeeding and forcing himself to walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Too fast. Dizziness made his eyes spin again, made him want to vomit a food that wasn't there. He hadn't eaten anything in days.
A strong knock filled his head and Sebastian almost screamed that moment, desperate and tired and scared.
Then the noise repeated itself, followed by a voice and his eyes finally managed to focus on something for the first time in almost an hour.
"Sebastian. Sebastian it's me, Kurt."
He took advantage of the sudden blow of clarity to throw himself toward the door, not caring that a shooting pain struck his head as soon as he took the first step. He removed the lock as fast as he could after two failed attempts and ripped the door open.
Kurt looked at him, eyes opening wide when he noticed his state. He knew he was... pale wasn't enough to describe the color of his skin right now. Yellow would be a better description. Yellow skin, red eyes, white, chapped lips and covered in sweat. He wasn't exactly the image of health.
"Fuckin-g finally," He said as Kurt entered the room and closed the door behind him, taking deep breaths to take strength for what he was about to do. "Did you b-bring what I said?" Sebastian stuttered.
Kurt quickly removed his shoulder bag, dropping it on the floor, and glancing sideways around the room. It smelled like cigarettes and rotten food, he didn't it'd been cleaned in quite some time. "No, I did not."
"W-What?" Sebastian demanded, shaken as he saw his last chance be thrown out the window. "Then what the hell did you come here for your fucking piece of-"
Sebastian didn't even get to finish the sentence. Kurt's hand dashed so fast he didn't see it approaching until it crashed into his mouth, pressing firmly and making the slightest possibility of emitting any word out of his mouth impossible. Anger was replaced by surprise and distress and he felt his eyes go fuzzier and fuzzier until he could only see Kurt, suddenly much closer to what he remembered he was.
"Don't talk. From now on you're not saying anything unless you have permission."
Sebastian barely managed to hear enough before his blood pressure increased so much he could hear it within his ears. And he was so faint at the moment, but not enough to stop him from biting the hand in his mouth as soon as he understood the meaning into the words. Kurt didn't react much to it, besides taking his hand away.
"You're crazy if you think—Go. Go-. Out." He struggled to get anything out of his mouth, the pressure in his chest becoming stronger with every second. It felt as if the air couldn't pass through his lungs and he had it all stuck in his throat, making him choke on his own words.
Kurt hesitated. For an irrational moment he considers leaving, fulfills Sebastian's wishes and left him to fix his problems. But he can't, not seeing how the other guy is. He doesn't know what to do, ignore Sebastian's request, or demand was more like it, to leave was wrong, but leave him to his fate in something as serious as this for the second time... No, he couldn't do that.
He was right there. He didn't know what he was supposed to do but he… he knew, somehow, that he could do it.
Out of nothing but mere instinct Kurt walked toward Sebastian in a predatory way, making the other boy awkwardly backtrack, but Kurt didn't stop chasing the shivering body until he was pressed on the wall, setting Sebastian against it in a cage formed with his arms and approaching until their chests were less than three inches away, only separated by the distance of his arms between them.
Sebastian's breath strangled in his throat while he stayed completely still, green eyes looking into the blue ones illuminated by nothing more than a small lamp in the room.
It took Sebastian a few seconds to finally react, grabbing one of Kurt's hands holding him in place and pulling to get rid of it, to get free. Turned out to be worse. Kurt put his hands back around him, just that this time they were not at his sides, they were trapping his wrists against the wall, keeping him from moving even less than before.
He made a broken sound, one that for his horror sounded too much like a moan. Kurt didn't seem to notice it because his eyes softened, as if he had just noticed something he hadn't seen before.
"Shh, shh, Sebastian, calm down," Kurt said in a new soft controlled voice that sounded more like one of those ridiculous infomercials of green té, than to what Sebastian remembered was his voice. God, he had asked for help to a serial murderer. "Stop moving. Listen Sebastian, try to breathe normally, yes? You can do that for me?"
Sebastian practically snarled at him, the veins in his neck showing. He could feel his face turning red from lack of air and rage but Kurt didn't flinch, the grip of his hands didn't weaken in the slightest, on the contrary it seemed to grow stronger with each passing second and Sebastian was too weak to try something that required more effort than just stand. Then, as if it were an act of magic his throat cleared, allowing the air run down his chest. He didn't realize that he was hyperventilating again until Kurt made a point of it, 'Hey, slow down' Sebastian heard him whisper, letting go one of his wrists and placing a heavy hand on Sebastian's chest.
He inhaled and exhaled deeply, struggling not to let his hysteria force him to go crazy. He tried to do the best he could, regulating his breathing as much as he could, leaving aside the fact that it was practically defenseless at the mercy of someone else.
"Yeah, just like that, go on like this, good boy."
Sebastian almost vomited to the word, ignoring the strange pleasant warmth spreading all over his chest. He writhed at the thought. He did not need this. He didn't need anything from anyone, much less of Kurt, all he had asked for was a stupid medicament and he hadn't been able to even do that.
"Breathe, Sebastian" Kurt repeated, more firmly this time and Sebastian reluctantly did. The hand on his chest loosened and so did the pain in his head. "See? Your brain just needs a little oxygen. Just keep like that now."
To be honest, there was nothing that Sebastian wanted more at that moment that to punch Hummel in the face, but it was kind of hard to really do it at the time, especially when he had his face so close that he could feel the heat emanating from his body, his smell filling his nostrils and God, Hummel smelled like heaven right now. Sebastian shook his head as soon as the thought hit him. This actually was affecting him more than he imagined.
"Okay, now I really need you to put attention to what I'm about to say, do you understand me?"
Sebastian felt his muscles tense under the scrutinizing gaze. He felt like Kurt was seeing inside him and it make him utterly uncomfortable. He resisted to met his eyes, even if he was too weak to escape his grip he hadn't have to do what Kurt said just for the sake of it.
Kurt's both hands move to cup his face, lifting it by the jaw and forcing him to look in his eyes. He sees the dark blue in those eyes before his vision clouded again, his limbs suddenly losing all the stiffness and his legs trembling briefly before bending under his weight, his butt smashing painfully against the hard ground making his legs slip between Kurt's.
"Oh my– are you alright?" Kurt knelt before him, clear concern in his eyes and he put his hand back in his jaw. Sebastian refused to rely on the touch. "You can't even stand for yourself"
Sebastian couldn't bring himself to say something. His heart was pounding against his chest too hard and his temples were pressing painfully on his head, even his eyes ached in a disturbing way.
Damned legs that wouldn't be good for anything just when he needed them. Damned all his flawed body that has always been useless for everything from day one.
"Come on. I'll help you get in bed."
Sebastian didn't understand the words. Nor could gather enough ability to read Kurt's lips, even being so close. He frowned, trying to hear something more but Kurt didn't say anything after that. The other boy just wrapped his hands around his torso and lifted him from where he laid on the ground. He thought he heard something with the word 'heavy' somewhere but he didn't lend it too much importance. Just before they come near enough to the bed, though, he was able to gather enough strength to shake Hummel off and maintain himself, before returning to pitifully falling to the floor beside the bed.
Kurt leaned down to help again but Sebastian yanked away.
"Fuc-ck off, princess I can handle myself"
"No, you can't," Kurt told him, as if to explain something obvious to a little child. He rolled his eyes but didn't make much effort to pull away when Kurt lifted him again, helping him on the bed and moving away all the blankets and pillows in sight.
The bed was hot. Too much, too hot. Too smooth and soft, too... comfortable. His room in Dalton seemed much smaller now, the walls suffocated him, he felt locked up, everyone outside and him inside, always, always alone, all the time. He hit his head against the surface (too soft, too soft) of the bed a total of three times before his head cleared up. He was going crazy, damn it.
He rolled to try to get back on the floor (stupid, stupid bed) before being returned to his place nd there was suddenly a strange weight over his body and cold hands wrapping his wrists, pulling his hands over his head. He whined and as soon as his hands were free he tried to move away but there was something that kept them attached to the headboard. He didn't have enough energy to investigate what was it, but he knew he wanted it off. Now.
"Would you stop moving. I can't do this if you keep that."
"Let me- go!"
"I will! I just need you relaxed for five minutes."
He was very fine one moment ago, thankyouverymuch. Ugh. Just that he knew that wasn't true. He wasn't fine. He was collapsing. Literally collapsing. He had reached the bottom and now he couldn't see a way out. He should have listened when he was warned. One of those thousands of times... he just wanted to be fine again... just wanted to be able to sleep and think, and eat like a normal human being. And it hadn't been even a week yet, he just... he felt so impotent.
"Are you better now?"
Oddly, no, he wasn't. Not really, but he had no energy to continue fighting. He said nothing though. It was not necessary either, apparently.
Kurt got out of bed, releasing Sebastian's arms and sitting on the floor right next to him, raising both hands in surrender. Sebastian suddenly felt very strange. For more than one reason. As he looked down on Kurt he noticed the worried look on the expression of the dom. He couldn't remember the last time someone had worried about him, hadn't been in a long time that's for sure. He must look really bad for someone who barely knew him to look at him that way.
"Okay grumpy, you have two options here," Kurt said, with a soft but firm voice that left no room for discussion. "Either I can call an ambulance to come and get you and take you to a clinic,"
"F-Fuc-"
"Or..." he cut him off. Sebastian had the feeling that Kurt was trying to stop himself from insult him. "I can help you get better. Just a little. And just enough to give you time to find a better option. This time for real." He warned him. Sebastian's eyebrows rose up in question.
Kurt. Kurt could help him. He could make him better. Maybe he couldn't fix him but… for now, it might be enough.
He writhed in his place. He really wasn't looking forward to it. To any of those. Feeling humiliated, degraded, beaten and ridiculed giving in to something that he had tried to escape his whole life... but turn everything he had achieved with so much effort into ashes, just for a stupid biological condition... it was a nightmare. He wasn't ready for any. He had not had time...
"Sebastian..." he felt the ghost of the fingers on his cheek and his stomach clenched painfully. "You'll be fine. I promise."
And for some reason, Sebastian believed him.
"No drugs either. You have to do it the right way, yes?"
Sebastian didn't realize he was nodding until the hand still on his cheek stopped the movement. Kurt looked like he was about to move but then stopped, hesitating before his next words.
"Tell me you want me to." Sebastian frowned again, tempted to try to hit him seriously this time but the thought was quickly forgotten and replaced with anticipation. Apparently his body was much more willing to go through with this than he really was because he could feel the beginning of his arousal against his boxers when Kurt's hand fell from his cheek down his neck, to stop right in the pit of his stomach. The movement was not sexy in the slightest, just a careless movement like any other, but his head was spinning as if on a roller coaster.
"Sebastian" Kurt repeated and waited until he had Sebastian's attention to continue.
"I need you to tell me to do this, I need your permission, other way I won't do it."
Sebastian opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Strange the will he had to throw insults but couldn't bring himself to say anything more. Either way he was going have to do it, before he ends up in a hospital room with his parents staring judgingly at him and a lot of explaining to do...
"Would you prefer if I called someone else?"
"No!" his voice came out hoarse and cracked and he had to clear his throat a few times before he could say anything. Kurt didn't do more suggestions, though, he stood still while waiting for him to continue. "No, I… You. You're okay. Just… help me. You… I want you to."
Kurt let out a long sigh, "Fine, but if you really are willing to do this you have to stick to the rules."
He held Kurt's eyes, blue and honest and felt himself go all weird inside. If that made sense.
Kurt seemed to be waiting either for an objection or approval, but eventually seemed to understand. He was too weak, he couldn't keep this conversation for much longer and, even if he could, he wasn't sure he would.
Sebastian didn't notice when it happened, he only knew that one second he was looking down to Kurt who was sitting on the wooden floor, legs crossed under his body and hands on his ankles, and then he blinked and Kurt was on top of him, as if a piece of time had cut off right before his eyes. He tried to hold on to something, anything around him as he moved desperate in bed and tried to pick up anything to get away but he just doesn't have the strength. The weight of Kurt was keeping him down, making him bend under the sensation, hot, hot, hot, everything was too hot, and then a strong, hot hand was on his lips again, silencing the noises that he hadn't realized he was doing.
"Shh shh come on now, don't freak out, hey, look at me, hey."
Kurt holds his face still, preventing him from moving more, leaving just enough space between his hand and nose to breathe and he really, really doesn't like this. Sebastian finally relents, stopping to raise and lower his chest in protest and letting Kurt's body cover him everywhere from the waist up, allowing himself to look at the dom's face, flushed entirely, perhaps by the effort to keep him down or perhaps of annoyance by his constant insults, although, seeing the situation, it might well be because his eyesight was a mess these days.
Kurt spoke then, his face just five inches away from his.
"Okay, now don't play fool. I know you can understand me and I need you to pay attention to what I'm about to say. You have to cooperate with me Sebastian, I can not do this alone. Now I'm going to release you." Kurt moved back and he squirmed a bit in his place, causing Kurt's gaze. "And you must lie still and put your hands above your head, crossed, no more insults, no sarcasm, this is serious."
Slowly, the hand around his throat was disappearing, and against everything that Sebastian believed and wanted for himself he obeyed the command. His hands raised above his head, struggling a little with the pillar of the headboard of the bed and before he realized what was happening Kurt had pulled a thin rope of a black material and tied his wrists together.
"We're going to use the standard safeword system. You know it?" In Sebastian's confused look, Kurt continued. "You use" red "to stop whatever we are doing if you feel too uncomfortable. Use it only if you really need it and if it's impossible to you to speak hit the bed three times with your foot." Sebastian made an attempt to nod, eager to finish the chatter. "Use yellow to slow things down and green for go on. If it's not to use any of these don't speak."
Sebastian grimaced. Hummel didn't get to tell him when and when not to speak, what he thought he was doing? First coming to scare him to madness, then tying him to bed like a madman and now telling him not to speak.
Kurt seemed to read his thoughts because he immediately pulled him back by his hair forcing him to look into his blue eyes, which in turn looked at him disgruntled.
"Stop thinking so much, just listen," he said, pulling the strands of hair on his nape harder, almost as if to take revenge on him for haven't heard his warning that night outside the clinic. "This won't last long, I'll help you and maybe you'll feel better for the next 24 or 48 hours but you have to find a way to help yourself before that time, because I'm not driving another night of Lima to Westerville at this time of the night. Go to a clinic, ask someone for help, I don't care but do it, understand?"
Sebastian nodded, ignoring the pain of his scalp. "These things don't leave at once, it's likely that even if you treat yourself it still appear for the next few weeks, several probably, so it's good if you always do it with the same person, even if it's a professional. Now, are you really willing to help me through this and to obey everything I say or do you prefer if I take you to a clinic now? Blink once for the first option and two for the second "
Sebastian hesitated. What was he supposed to do? What he less wanted was to have to put his name on a stupid list for some stranger to come around and tell him not to open his mouth and do everything he wanted, everything so that they'd also send a letter to Dalton and everyone could found out that he was... that he was a submissive. On the other hand, he also didn't appreciate Hummel feeling with the authority to treat him that way. But he was not a stranger and Sebastian knew he could get him not to tell anyone. And if this was to ease the pain, well, it could be worse.
Sebastian blinked once. Kurt nodded.
"Well, then pull apart your legs." he didn't wait for Sebastian to fulfill; he drew back and picked up something from the floor beside the bed. Sebastian had barely moved when Kurt began to wrap his ankle with a black rope, similar to the one he had used to tie his wrists, but these were thicker, stronger, and there was some kind of metal lock on the other end of the tip. Kurt made a strong knot on his foot, not strict enough to hurt but he certainly could feel the uncomfortable constriction. Kurt then grabbed the rest of the rope, the part with the metal lock and moved until his hands were working the rope around the leg of the bed. Sebastian's chest gave a painful blow and he fought the tug of the rope, pulling back his legs closer to the rest of his body and making the buckle slide from Kurt's hand.
Kurt looked at him, judging him. He took the buckle again, pulling Sebastian's leg to its initial position and trying to get back to what he was doing before. He could hear the sound of the rope in Kurt's hands and he felt himself freak out a little. With just one free leg to move Sebastian resisted. Squirming a bit he managed to move up in bed, pulling his locked leg multiple times until the rope slipped from Kurt's hands again and he put himself into a half-sitting position, only his hands still tied on the headboard of the bed.
"What the fuck?" Kurt said, his voice almost a scream as he grabbed Sebastian's ankles and yanked him back down so he was on his back again. "Did you even listened to anything I just said ?!" he asked angrily. He had never heard Kurt cursing before, that couldn't be good.
Sebastian tried to say something but his voice was so erratic that almost nothing came out. Kurt still looked angry and it frightened Sebastian. He pulled his legs up but Kurt still had them pressed down on the mattress.
"You know what this is over, I'm not the idiot who will—"
Kurt stopped then, his voice dropping to a doubtful whisper until he couldn't understand him anymore. The pressure in his ankles disappeared and the next thing he knew there were two hands on his face, slowly pushing away tears from his eyes with his thumbs. He hadn't realized he was crying, his face so wet with sweat that he doubts he would've noticed if it wasn't for those hands. He kept the sobs that were struggling to break in his throat and swallowed them down.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Kurt mumbled over him, his expression went down and he didn't look angry anymore. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, God I am an idiot,"
He wants to say something, anything, he wants to say that he is afraid, that he is terrified, but he knows that even if he could he'd probably never admit it, he'd been scared for days, months, years and he had never admitted it, not even to himself, let alone someone else. But now he just wants to tell Kurt to stop apologizing, because it makes him anxious, because it shouldn't be him apologizing and because in some way Sebastian wants to say yes, he's an idiot, but that wouldn't be fair, because Kurt has done nothing but help him and he is aware of that, it's just that Sebastian can not stand him, but it's not his fault, he doesn't stand almost anyone, in fact, he doesn't stand anyone.
"What… Why do you…? Help me here, please,"
He tried again, tried to explain but his lips didn't move enough and only a strange sound came out from his mouth, but Kurt still waited, gently putting away the tears from his face and Sebastian tried harder.
"Pain" he gasped out, and he tried to touch Kurt but his hands were still tied. Kurt nodded, encouraging him to say more. "It- It hurts... It hurts so much,"
"Okay, okay" Kurt muttered. Sebastian wasn't sure if he was talking to him or to himself. "What do you... what do you need?" Sebastian shook his head. "What does it... Come on, you have to feel something, besides pain you-"
Words escaped Kurt's mouth the second Sebastian's hips rose up in a sharp blow, colliding with his leg and letting Sebastian's half hard cock press against him. It was just one second, right before his hips fell on the bed again and Sebastian whole body shuddered.
"Oh"
Kurt didn't know if Sebastian would have flushed if he hadn't been already red all over his face, but he sure looked mortified now. His body had gone totally still as he panted under him, making poor attempts to get his hips to rise again, squirming on the bed to reach any friction against his crotch.
Kurt didn't move, remaining in the same position where he had been before Sebastian impulse, a little in shock maybe, because it wasn't just Sebastian half hard already but because all of sudden his body was reacting too enthusiastically to the smell flooding the room. Sebastian's body was starting to release one alluring, glorious, sinful scent, giving him goose pimples, and Kurt whined a bit in response. It was a smell a thousand times stronger than Finn's had ever been. Soft and intense and penetrating. It was, it was like he could drown himself in this, as if he could fill his body with the aroma, as if he could never get enough, like he could, he could...
Sebastian cried out, drawing Kurt's attention back to him. He looked so tired, squirming senseless in the bed. His skin was pale and yellowish and his lips dry and wrinkled, and he was all covered with tears and sweat, making him look even more sickly. Kurt felt a pang of guilt in the chest by being distracted by the smell, by how it was affecting him instead of concentrating on Sebastian and the pain that he was going through.
And what was he supposed to do now? On one side he could completely ignore Sebastian's actions, go back to what he'd planned and tie him hand and foot to the bed despite his obvious past reluctance to him trying to. Ignore his own instincts as well as Sebastian's and become everything of what he'd accused him, just another dom, believing he could do whatever he wanted, just because he was in charge. He didn't want to be that. But on the other...
What would that make him? A good person? Or just an irresponsible idiot trying to make the job of a real dom?
Well... Maybe he didn't know what he was doing, maybe he was irresponsible, but he had a little practice on domination and he'll make every effort to pull this off, no matter what he had to do.
He took a last breath of air, taking to his lungs that intoxicating scent, and proceeded to lower his body further into the mattress, his chest and Sebastian's almost touching, breathing so close to each other that he almost felt his body recognizing the sub, connecting them. Kurt pressed his knee between Sebastian's legs, causing his hips to move violently.
An agonizing noise came from his throat.
Kurt was about to start to apologize for his idiocy again when Sebastian moaned pitifully, trying to reach Kurt's knee now that he'd moved it.
"Too much?" he asked, just to check, but Sebastian was shaking his head furiously and so he lowered his knee again, this time down between Sebastian's legs, aligning Kurt's left thigh with his groin, allowing him to rub himself up and down, again and again and again for what seemed like an eternity.
Kurt was now fully aroused, his hard cock thrusting insistently against the rough material of his tight jeans every time Sebastian moved closer, Kurt looking astonished as he was making these little noises of pleasure while riding Kurt's leg. God just the thought of it was embarrassingly turning on. Kurt shouldn't be enjoying this so much, it wasn't right, if he did it would be like he was taking advantage, what he was not.
Sebastian kept that way a while, quietly groaning, his head thrown back in bed, eyes wide open as he looked deep into Kurt's.
Sebastian was not crying more, but his eyes were still wet, red, totally spellbound like he could not stop looking in his eyes.
It felt too intimate, he had not planned things to be like this and he was not quite sure how they ended up in this position, with the legs of Sebastian around him and grinding desperately against him... but he needed to stop before this went any further.
Sebastian's actions proved him right when a minute later he began thrashing in the ropes that keep his wrists tied, throwing himself against Kurt, frenzied, sucking in desperate gulps of air his whole body shaking as he moved hopeless in the mattress.
"What's the matter?" Kurt asked, trying to keep Sebastian's body under control but the other boy wouldn't stop squirming.
"You... clothes..." Sebastian muttered and Kurt frowned. Really? This wasn't the time to criticize his wardrobe. He shook his head, that was ridiculous.
"Uh-huh clothes, what about them?"
"Want... them off," Sebastian said, moving so his head was just below Kurs, pressing his nose against his neck and moving further. Kurt felt himself blush to the ears. Sebastian wanted… no, he couldn't do that… he, he shouldn't, he wasn't ready for that and neither was Sebastian.
"Need… more skin, please,"
Oh well, he wasn't ready for that.
Kurt pulled away a little from Sebastian's panting body, looking him struggle with his bonds to follow him. His movements became lethargic when he didn't reach him, his hips moving on their own as if looking for something to keep grinding. Sebastian had been close he knew that, perhaps if he could get him to come...
Inhibited, Kurt approached as much as was prudent and leaned over Sebastian, a little embarrassed by the whole situation. With his ears and cheeks still red by the shame, he squeezed his hand over the bulge between Sebastian's legs and he heard the other boy scream, either in pain or pleasure.
He took his hand away and Sebastian whined.
"Are you okay?" Kurt used his hand to move the strands of wet, straight hair off Sebastian's forehead. His eyes were swollen and bright, with dark circles underneath and dry tears on the sides. "You have a fever," he declared, touching the hot skin under his fingers, that temperature couldn't be normal.
Sebastian shook his head. "Just… keep doing… what you were doing… damn!" he stammered fiercely.
But Kurt didn't listen, he got up and ran to the bathroom, hearing the sounds of protest Sebastian made. He came back with a piece of wet cloth in his hands, which should've been an old shirt of Sebastian. He sat on the edge of the bed and pressed the material against his forehead. Sebastian shuddered at the coldness of the fabric and the water dripping in his hair. It was too cold, but it was good, cold was good, it was too hot anyway. Kurt pulled the cloth off his forehead, proceeding to press it against his cheeks, neck and the bit of skin exposed of his collarbone. He couldn't complain, it felt very good, the cold contact of the water and Kurt's soft fingers against his face and neck. He looked somewhat neglected, compared to how he looked most of the time, less composed, probably due to the fatigue, but he looked so concentrated, so meditative as he cleaned his face of sweat and tears. He felt a little dazed by the attention.
"You are better" Kurt smiled, rubbing the cloth on his neck. He looked quite proud of himself, Sebastian supposed he had a good reason to. He did feel better.
Sebastian made a strange move, because his voice still feels unstable and he has to swallow with difficulty whenever he's going to say something. Kurt smiles wider then.
Sebastian felt the need to insult him, or say something completely inappropriate or rude and if it weren't for the pain in his throat he was pretty sure he would have.
Kurt ran his fingers through Sebastian frown, smoothing the wrinkles on his forehead, not pushing or insisting on talking things Sebastian didn't want to think of. After several minutes like that Sebastian began to calm down, Kurt's hands traveling all over his face was kind of relaxing, it made him feel less conscious of the whole thing around.
Everything was still too hot, too suffocating and he was wearing too many clothes. Kurt didn't seem to mind though; he remained there in the same position for what to Sebastian seemed like hours and hours, just touching him gently on the forehead, cheeks, the back of his ears, and for a small period of time, he felt as if everything was fine; his muscles did not hurt so much now and although his cock was still hard and aching between his legs it was not nearly as painful as it had been before.
Exhaustion drew his face down, he was slowly falling into the unconsciousness of sleep when he felt Kurt getting up from where he'd been, startling Sebastian. He was still a little out of focus so he barely managed to understand enough to know that everything was fine but he felt confused, the way one feels sometimes when is suddenly awakened by an alarm and does not have much idea of why or what to do at the moment. He moved a little forward, or at least tried to, just to be reminded of his wrists still tied to the headboard above his head. He moved from one side to the other, teasing the strength of the strap when something cold and crystalline pushed between his lips.
"Drink" The object pushed again but instead of rejecting it again Sebastian opened his mouth to let the liquid pass, his throat feeling immediately better at the cold, fresh substance sliding down his windpipe. "Better?"
Sebastian nods with his lips still in the glass, spilling some of the liquid on his shirt but he continued drinking to the last drop. He feels a hand running through his hair and he involuntarily groans when the hand disappears behind his head to rub on the lingering knots in his neck. It only lasts a few seconds and Sebastian looks up to see Kurt's face crooked as he frowns, moving to untie Sebastian's hands.
Just after he finishes to undo the knots, Sebastian looks at his wrists red and marked by the rope. "That was it?" something within him forces him to ask.
"Yes," Kurt doesn't look very convinced but helps Sebastian to sit properly on his bed before continuing. "Or all I could achieve at least."
"What do you mean?"
"You're not very submissive, to say the least," Kurt smiles kind of amused, almost like it were a joke. "But you knew that already of course,"
Sebastian has the urge to blush. Kurt is right, he already knew that so why do he feel like he has to be ashamed of it?
"Of course," he echoed, trying to follow any joke that Kurt is trying to do.
"Still I'm sure that being tied for more than two hours will have to help in some way" two hours? Was that the time that had passed? "Maybe not much as you didn't make a big effort to help me but perhaps you'll be good for the next few days while you get someone to help you"
Someone. Fuck. Sebastian swore mentally. Is that this wasn't even finished yet? He would have to spend the rest of his week looking for someone to do things to him that he don't even want so he wouldn't end up in the hospital again. Why didn't someone just invent a medicine to stop the damn sickness and end of the problem? Was that so hard?
"Hey, promise me you'll find someone, okay? Sebastian, promise me," Kurt said looking at Sebastian as serious as he could handle. He had to resist the initial urge to feel ashamed by the things he'd just said and did.
"Why did you do it ?" he asked instead, ignoring what seemed too much like a command to his liking. "Why did you help me when I haven't been anything but rude to you?"
Kurt shrugged. "I'm a dom," he said as if that was enough reason, but seeing the persistent confusion in Sebastian's face he added. "I guess I just can't stand the idea of a sub hurting this way."
Sebastian considers it. "That's not because you're a dom, is because you're a good person," he said, realizing shortly after that sounded too much like a compliment. "Doms don't care about subs. All they care about is feeling powerful and getting their rocks off."
Kurt smiled, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he looks at Sebastian in the darkness of his bedroom lit only by a small nightlight.
"For some, maybe. But there are others of us and we actually care about our subs, you know,"
"Then you're saying that you wouldn't force your boyfriend to kneel at your feet and obey everything you say?" Sebastian questioned, really interested in the response, in his opinion all doms were the same and it was very difficult to believe the things Kurt said.
"Well..." Kurt mused. Of course he had to be lying, Sebastian thought. Kurt's face perfectly showed off his aversion to letting those things go. "It is not so easy, Sebastian"
"Look Kurt, I think it's very clear here that you're just talking for talking's sake, but deep down you are like that too, you want the same things," he argued, watching Kurt's frown pronounced even more.
"I told you it's not like that. What happens is that because you are a sub you might not understand what I'm trying to say."
"What, you're saying that because I'm a sub I'm stupid?"
"What-? God no. Not at all what I meant, but it is a fact that subs and doms, we fail to fully understand the nature of each other by our own."
"Try me" Sebastian challenged and saw Kurt sigh, struggling for words in his mouth.
"Okay look to begin with, and I'm being completely honest here, I wouldn't like to force anyone to do anything, ever."
Sebastian snorted in disbelief.
"I know you have a very bad opinion of us, I don't know why but it's obvious that you got a bad education about it and don't look at me like that," Kurt said pointing him like an angry father to his teenage son. "I don't know how you were raised or the relationship your parents had but if you think all this thigs about doms, you surely didn't have a very functional family. And everyone here in Dalton thinks you're a dom, Jesus! Even your bedroom is in the area for doms! But what I mean is that your experiences do not speak for everyone else's."
"Great Sherlock, you can now stop doing of my psychiatrist and drop the monologue."
Kurt threw his head back, frustrated with Sebastian's attitude.
"I'm trying to be honest here okay? And I'm totally honest when I say I would never force someone to do something they don't want." Sebastian looked at the door instead of Kurt, upset that he almost believed him. "And knees and commands and all the other things have to always be by mutual agreement. And forgive me for the way I got here and practically throw myself over you. That wasn't right, but we agree it was an emergency."
"It's okay," he said simply, because he knew that if this conversation keeps on he'd end up thanking Kurt and his pride could not endure so much in one day.
"Understand Sebastian, subs and doms, they-we complement each other." Kurt continued. "Subs need special attentions and care, and doms are able to give them that and also enjoy doing it. It's a relationship of equals, or at least it should be, that is why there are contracts that must be updated and are always different in every relationship,"
"Ha!" Sebastian scoffed. "Relationship of equal? What's about equality in kneeling? "
"Do you have a specific problem with kneeling, Sebastian?" Kurt asked, genuinely concerned. It was, in fact, one of the things subs loved most about presenting to someone.
"Yes, I don't like feeling inferior. I am not inferior. I am not a lackey. Just because I was born like this I'm not less than you," he declared, his eyes finally meeting Kurt only to throw daggers to him.
"Well, that's the only thing you've said in what I agree" Kurt smiled despite his gaze. "Being a sub does not make you less, on the contrary, I think a person must have great strength to trust someone like that," Sebastian shook in incredulity.
"Kneeling is supposedly... nice, from what I've heard from some friends, don't know why I'm telling you, really."
Curiosity got the better of him. "What do they say?"
"They don't really explain a lot, it's like a universal truth that no one dares to question, and the only times a dom had asked they always tell us that we wouldn't understand, see? It works both ways," Kurt joked.
"Then I'm more of an idiot because I don't understand one side or the other," he concluded morosely. He doesn't understand, he wasn't a dom, and he couldn't be a normal sub. "And I don't like anyone to give me orders, I will not be used as a sex toy just to be left thrown away like garbage or-or something disposable."
"Have you considered talking to someone?" Kurt offered. "A psychologist or-?"
"I'm not crazy," Sebastian said but his voice betrayed him breaking right at the end, he took both hands to his head and rubbed his temples violently.
"I'm not saying that you are, but maybe it's good that someone explains you all these things because it seems that neither of your parents bothered." Sebastian almost laughed, his parents barely spoke to him about something other than business or school, it was as if instead of being his son he was just another of his clients.
"I don't need any of that, I don't even know why I'm going through this, I have sex regularly, shouldn't it be enough?"
Kurt looks surprised at his statement, not bad surprised, but still.
"You mean you've been with a dom and...? Oh Sebastian" he murmured, compassion in his voice loud and clear for anyone to hear it.
"Don't start Hummel. And no, I haven't had sex with a dom for a long time,"
"But- you, don't you mean-"
"Yes, you can say it, it's not a crime, I have sex with submissives." He knows that's a taboo very rarely mentioned in society, but it's nothing that someone of Kurt's age had never heard before, he doesn't understand why so much fuss; sex is sex, it's okay, but it's nothing out of this world.
Kurt seems to think differently and there's something hidden in his expression that Sebastian can't figure out but he doesn't think much about it either. "Okay, is not in my judgment your decisions, but what I can tell you is that no matter how much... intimacy you have, your sickness will come at least once every couple of years, so..."
Couple. Of. Fucking. Years.
The only thing missing.
"It's pretty late," Kurt said looking out the half closed window in Sebastian's bedroom. "I have to go back if I want to get there before my dad realizes that I'm not sleeping."
Kurt got up from the bed, leaving Sebastian in the same place where he'd been the last two hours. He tried not to get stressed when he remembered that in a few hours he'd have to be in class and go to the practice with the Warblers. All he wanted at the time was to sleep a whole month, with a warm and cozy weight above him, preferably.
He didn't know where that came from.
"I'll see you... later Sebastian," Kurt said goodbye when he was already at the door, Sebastian said nothing more until the door closed behind him.
Now came the hard part. Finding someone to help him out of this hell in his pants. He feels himself falling against the mattress, soft, comfortable, perfect mattress, weariness filling his body so fast that he almost didn't notice when he fell asleep. It'll be another day then.