Kurt arrived home ten minutes before 11 pm, adrenaline a little too high running through his body and without the slightest sign of sleep. It was sort of exciting, having all these endorphins moving through his head and body like, like… god, he had missed this so much. It had been months since he'd felt this good, this... right.
He'd felt something similar the last time he tried to help Sebastian, although there was no comparison, that time he hadn't been much in control, not really, he could have appeased Sebastian's sickness for a while but the truth was, inside his head, he didn't have much idea what he was doing, most of what was going through his brain was anxiety combined with embarrassment and concern; now however, he felt like everything was good in the world.
Of course, he's not going to lie, dominating Blaine used to be a lot more pleasant and stimulating than dominating Sebastian, but that was in the past, Kurt had accepted that there was nothing he could do about it. Though this wasn't bad either, more difficult certainly, but it was amazing to be able to feel this again. It seemed as if it'd been years instead of a couple of months, but it was hard to let go of something you never thought you would have to let go.
Letting that aside, he wasn't in a very good mood. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Sebastian since he left Dalton to take the road back to Lima. He was no fool, he knew that the... dynamic, if it could be called that, they both shared a few hours ago would also affect him; it was obvious that he wasn't going to remain intact while all the toxins accumulated in the body of the sub and the endorphins emanating from his body were set free to call to his instincts.
He sighed while walking up the stairs to his room. He just wishes he could've stayed a little longer, just until Sebastian went to sleep, make sure he didn't do anything stupid, but then he wouldn't be home until a lot later, and he didn't know if Finn had already returned home from Puck's. He didn't want to risk of he telling Rachel something and then the next morning get caught off guard by endless questions that he didn't want to answer. He could only hope that fatigue would make Sebastian go to sleep early.
On his way to his room he walked over to Finn's, trying to hear any sound, but nothing. He opened the door as calm as he could but it became clear quickly that the room was empty. He closed the door and looked at his phone to see if there was a message from Finn, telling him he'd spend the night at Puck's or something. There was nothing there neither. Kurt dialed his brother's number and waited four rings before Finn picked up.
"Hey, dude, you know I was just gonna call you—"
"Save it Finn, where are you? it's almost midnight." He asked, closing Finn's bedroom and continuing walking toward his.
"Puck and I were watching the game and lost the sense of time, we're playing video games. His mom says I can stay."
Kurt narrowed his eyes, even though Finn couldn't see him. He wasn't very sure about this. Normally if he were at Puck's home there would be a lot of noise around, the background now was too quiet.
"Are you sure you're not with Rachel?"
"What? Dude, no! Seriously I'm not lying," Finn sounded offended, Kurt didn't know what to think, when Finn lies he usually just gets alarmed and talks more than he should, this didn't seem to be the case.
"Really Finn? If you're with Rachel it's okay, I won't accuse you, I just want to know."
"I swear I'm at Puck's, he's in the bathroom but I can let you speak to him when he returns. Or with his mom, she's in the kitchen." Well, that explained the silence. "But since you mention Rachel I—"
"Okay Finn, see you tomorrow."
"Hey, but I—"
"I don't want to know. Bye." Kurt shook his head as he hung up and dropped on his bed with his eyes closed.
Having a sub for a brother was too much like babysitting lately, especially with an overprotective stepmom like Carol. Although he supposed she had her reasons, with all that about Quinn's pregnancy and Santana taking advantage of him to take his virginity... in fact, Kurt hoped Carol didn't know about that last one.
He shifted in the bed, but only managed to evoke thoughts of either Finn leaving Rachel pregnant, which was the last thing he wanted to think about, or Sebastian. Then he got up, deciding that the best way to get to sleep would be with a hot shower, his routine of skin care and something sweet and light to drink.
He hadn't had dreams that night, but woke up more rested and lighter than he had in months.
...
Sebastian didn't think it would be so difficult, that of playing hard.
He had woken up at twelve o'clock, all his classes of the morning hopelessly lost and still willing to keep on with that to recover all the sleep he'd lost that week, but it turned out after a while it became terribly uncomfortable. He was just lying there with his eyes open staring into nothing. It got boring really fast. So he got up from the bed, took his phone and started making plans for tonight with a couple of acquaintances. Now that he was finally okay he'll have to regain some of the lost time.
After some monotonous greetings and promises for an amazing night Sebastian left his cell phone on the night table, considering seeking a clean shirt to go down for a slice of pizza, or well, four, when Kurt's voice echoed in his head.
"Call me tomorrow, I want to know how you feel..."
No. No, no, no and no! What did it matter what Hummel wanted? Now he was fine, it shouldn't matter how he felt, the red code has passed and everything was fine, he'd again be the same as always, the one who doesn't care what a Dom says, because he didn't need one. He didn't need someone to annoy him, telling him what to do, he can very well take care of himself, thank you very much. However... he had to admit that it moved him, that Hummel cared, although he wishes he didn't, Sebastian likes thinking there's someone who cares.
There have been so few people who care about Sebastian's life…
His fingers are moving across the screen before he can do something about it, but at least he can say he wasn't so weak to follow the instruction to the letter.
To Princess bitch (12:32): so, I'm planning on having a romance with a whole box of pizza, aaanndd since you are almost one hundred miles away you CANT STOP ME!
A few minutes later the sound of a message rang on his phone.
From Princess bitch (12:35): you do like to provoke me, don't you?
Opps. He gave a slight laugh, Hummel was not a fool.
To Princess bitch (12:35): Caught :(
From Princess bitch (12:36): Anyway, I'm guessing you're only making fun of me and not really thinking of doing that, right?
Sebastian winced.
To Princess bitch (12:37): What give you such a wrong idea? Come on man! There's no way I'm not having a pizza after all I have to suffer last week
From Princess bitch (12:37): Well, I am touched by your ability to recognize that I am a man.
Sebastian opens his mouth in bewilderment. He wants to hit himself in the face for not noticing his mistake before. He is about to reply with a sarcastic apology when Kurt sends him another message.
From Princess bitch (12:38): but despite that I'm expecting some consideration for your own health, and I have to say that you are not allowed to eat something like a whole box of pizza, at least If you want me to keep doing what we agreed on
Was that supposed to be a joke? Sebastian couldn't be sure,
Kurt could well be playing with him or being completely serious, although he doesn't believe a pizza could make him change his mind so drastically on help him, right?
Right?
To Princess bitch (12:39): Jeez, calm your panties, Hummel! Fine, but only because I have a night out tonight and I can't risk getting stomachache
There. Nailed it.
To Princess bitch (12:39): Also, I don't wanna go around vomiting on people
It takes a while for Kurt to answer him, and Sebastian thinks for a minute that this is the end of the conversation when the phone buzzing startles him.
From Princess bitch (12:44): You're going out?
He raises an eyebrow in question but his fingers move across the screen almost immediately.
To Princess bitch (12:45): Yes, to Scandals. I do it every weekend but, I haven't been enjoying it a lot lately, so
From Princess bitch (12:46): Oh. Yes, sure, just… you know, be careful
To Princess bitch (12:46): Don't I always am?
He laughed a little stupidly to himself. If he couldn't do that when he was alone and feeling better than ever, then when?
From Princess bitch (12:46): I couldn't tell
Huh, was the slut joke missing?
To Princess bitch (12:47): Right
From Princess bitch (12:48): And are you feeling good enough to go out?
To Princess bitch (12:49): Fresh and new ;)
From Princess bitch (12:49): Good.
Good. Like that. Good boy.
Sebastian's legs trembled with the memory, and the smile fell from his face with the realization of his cock growing hard in his pants. He swore on the pillow and began to palm himself, none of the feelings he'd had the night before and he whined helplessly to the ceiling, grabbing his phone again once he realized that it was senseless.
To Princess bitch (12:52): So, any extra comments before you have to suffer through days without seeing me
He tried to sound relaxed and playful, but as the seconds passed he started to imagine Kurt knowing, knowing how it affected him the memories of yesterday, knowing how his cock grew more and more in the privacy of his room, knowing how Sebastian was palming himself right now just for a stupid text.
And it was hot as hell.
But he certainly wasn't prepared for the reply that followed.
From Princess bitch (12:53): Sure, you should rest, you're not an easy job, but I'll give you something so your suffering doesn't go too far. Eat something light, Sebastian. Take a shower, go for a walk, do some exercise, and assuming you've met my previous indications, maybe tomorrow you'll be able to eat that pizza :)
Sebastian left the sight of his hand curving on the bulge in his groin to look at his room, so dirty and messy as it'd been the night before when Kurt came.
To Princess bitch (12:53): Tease
From Princess bitch (12:54): Don't say I didn't warn you
Fucking Hummel, he thought as he folded his hand on himself to ease the aching.
...
Sebastian looked from the bar to the other three guys with whom he had come to Scandals
make his way to the dance floor with some friend of his he'd never seen before. Tonight was uncharacteristically full of quite a few young guys -acceptably young, at least- and he could see a couple of which he'd have no objection to fuck against a wall. In addition, music was much better than it normally was in this obsolete, moss-grown bar, so the night could be considered as good as it could get.
But for some reason he felt just a tiny bit anxious. At first he thought it was because he'd lost the mood since his thing, sickness or whatever showed up, despite having been there over the weekend, but as soon as he entered the establishment his feet walked by their own will to the bar and had not moved from there since.
It was something physical, literally he couldn't help but feel bad every time he tried, or even thought of going to any of those guys, like he was doing something wrong or... he's not sure, but he needed the weight of his body to disappear if he was going to get laid tonight.
He took a long sip of his vodka-based drink and after overcoming the known stinging in his throat he sought a possible candidate on the dance floor. He found it in a short time; tall, dark, brown eyes and a beard that made him look more interesting than Sebastian was sure he was, talking to a couple of drag queens and drinking something with bubbles.
Now he just had to see how to ignore the thing inside him that wouldn't let him step forward, then, came the easy part.
...
His hands were burning cold at the contact with the dirty bathroom wall, the man trapped under him moaning deep on his skin covering in sweat because of the sweltering heat of the small space where both men had entered a minute ago.
The brunet didn't wait long to get his hands under Sebastian's shirt, moving all over his chest and rubbing furiously against his crotch while Sebastian kissed languidly between his neck and collarbone. The other man gasped and took his hands off Sebastian's chest, what he interpreted as it was time to move faster, so he pressed against the thin body who complained immediately and Sebastian felt the man's knees trembling briefly against his legs.
Sebastian froze for a moment, the small amount of oxygen and heated air not letting him think clearly. Or maybe it was just him. Fuck, maybe that stupid sickness was coming back. But it didn't felt completely like it, there was not desperation, just a horrible, horrible feeling that everything was wrong, that everything he did was a mistake, that it was wrong, wrong, wrong.
The guy launched himself at him, trying to return to what they were doing a second ago, sticking one single finger down the waistband of his pants and spreading kisses with his mouth open under Sebastian's chin.
Bad boy. Bad boy Sebastian.
His eyes cracked wide open as Kurt's voice filled his head, and oddly enough, his ears.
He was well aware that it was impossible that Kurt was here, calling him that. Kurt knew he was here, Sebastian had told him and he didn't say no, he knew what Sebastian came here every week for, he wasn't hiding anything, he just...
"Scandals? Scandals, the gay bar? Are you crazy? Anything could have happened. Never, never do that again Sebastian!"
Fuck.
No, for fuck's sake no! This wasn't what Kurt meant, not at all, he does not have to feel this suffocating sensation in the throat by the distorted words of a dom who didn't even meant this.
Sebastian felt his stomach move painfully, probably irritated with the too strong drink he'd taken not twenty minutes ago. He looked at the mess of lust he was facing, flushed and smiling and his eyes almost completely filling his iris. This man was not a dom, he may have a different face but Sebastian has met him hundreds of times and it's always the same, they drink, they fuck and then they never see each other again, that's the way it is with him and they can take it or leave it, he's done it over and over for too long and Kurt never said he'd have to stop, he never even asked. Sebastian knows what Kurt meant by those words, it was stupid to let any idiot dominate him, yes , he understood, but that was not what this guy was, he was just another one night stand, just like any other that he's had before.
He just doesn't know why it makes no difference.
The shrill whine over him brought him back to reality to see -whatever his name was, he'd already forgotten- eagerly protest because of pause. His hands were above his head, tightly clutching a pair of metal tubes protruding from the wall, and his breathing was forced as his eyes darted everywhere.
Sebastian didn't say anything for a while, enough for the other guy to let go his hands over his head of the tube and slide them with a look that he supposed was meant to be sexy to the belt on his pants where his boner was dying every second, as discontented as Sebastian felt inside.
"Let me, yeah?" the man murmured against his neck. Sebastian had the impression that he wasn't thinking quite correctly either because he almost collapses on the floor in a feeble attempt to kneel in the tiny space. Sebastian didn't let him fall, holding him from both arms. The man groaned, biting his lower lip and alternating his gaze between his face and his crotch. "Want you to, gonna—"
"You're too drunk," Sebastian said, trying to put the brunette on his own feet but the man's body seemed to be made of gelatin.
"You didn't seem to mind that two minutes ago" he protested, but there was a carefree smile on his lips. Sebastian knew he was right and he wasn't much soberer indeed, but his cock had lost any interest he had in the man, and just being in his presence made him want to throw up all the alcohol he had consumed.
"It's better if you call a taxi, tell him to take you home."
"What if you take me home, we'll have some fun when we get there. I have a magnificent rope that feels so good when you squeeze it against my throat..." Sebastian couldn't hear more, he shook the man as best he could, trying to get him to shut up, he wasn't very successful, as he kept babbling nonsense in his drunkenness. There was no doubt that the man was too intoxicated to have a filter, but the mention of the rope only made Sebastian's stomach squirm harder as the man cupped his soft cock.
"No. I just remembered I have something to do right now."
The brunet deflated against him as an inflatable doll, seeing the battle rolled his eyes, violently opening the useless bathroom door to throw both of them out of the cubicle. He left him sitting against the wall next to the sink and left. A guard looked at him and Sebastian made a sign to the bathroom. The man nodded and walked past him, a few bucks slipped from Sebastian's hand to the man's who went to the bathroom to take the boy out and put him into a taxi.
Sebastian just wanted to be out of this place as soon as possible.
...
Three days after the last time they meet Kurt isn't quite sure yet to be ready to go back to see Sebastian. Actually, he doesn't have much idea what to do, he read some articles and tips on the internet but still didn't feel completely sure, nothing seemed very appropriate for them, Sebastian was not like most of the subs and they weren't even in a relationship to begin with, which ruled out like 90% of the options he had. Not to mention the possible hookups he might have.
Kurt doesn't want to meddle in his life, he really doesn't. But it is very easy to get involved every time he thinks about the different ways in which the sub could hurt himself without the basic knowledge of what was happening with himself, especially in such a vulnerable period as which he was going through, or worse, that someone might take advantage of the situation to...
But what was he even thinking? Someone, take advantage of Sebastian Smythe? Please, in any case, he would be the one taking advantage. Maybe he was just being silly, Sebastian was a pretty big boy to make his own decisions, he didn't need someone to remember him what is and is not right to do. And it was quite clear that he didn't want anyone to try to.
Sometimes Kurt thought he was being too unfair. Sebastian had every right to want to be in charge of his own life, it was a horrible thing that he was forced to do something he didn't want to just for a medical situation. He felt like a jerk when he ignored Sebastian's texts asking about when he'd have time to see him again, it was even worse after a couple of hours of looking for the right answer and giving an excuse about some homework and he had to hit himself against his pillow when he received Sebastian's next text.
It hadn't been sad, angry or much less imploring, it'd been a simple 'alright' but for Kurt, it was worse than if he'd insulted him a thousand different ways by being an inconsiderate idiot.
He knew he couldn't avoid it for long, he had said it himself, a sub, especially one in sickness needs all the domination he can get, and he already committed to this, he could very well do what he had to do. Whatever that was. He really needed better advice than from a bunch of fools with a computer.
…
"Sebastian! I was looking for you."
Sebastian spun around to face the sight of the irritant sub-boy who hurried to reach him in the middle of the corridor of Dalton . Thad stood before him, putting on that presumptuous pose he did whenever he was anywhere near Sebastian and cleared his throat while Sebastian rolled his eyes.
"Fuck off, weirdo. I have no time for your dumb attempts to get me in your pants. I'm not in the mood." Sebastian said, turning around and keep walking down the hallway.
He truly had no patience for this right now. He was tired, hungry, he had a headache and a heap of overdue assignments that were due to next week and which he couldn't bring himself to concentrate on. And there were still five whole fucking hours until school ended. If it wasn't because it was Friday Sebastian would seriously consider jumping off a bridge right now.
"That's not why I am here." Thad's tone was low with disgust and maybe just a touch of anger but Sebastian did not flinch, continuing walking more and more slowly as he tried to ignore the best he could the annoying voice when a freshman walked right in front of him obstructing his path, time Thad knew how to take advantage of to catch up with him.
"The council of the Warblers sent me. You've been distracted in our last rehearsals." Sebastian's body went still. He stopped to face the thin jet-black haired boy who looked at him from less than two feet away now.
"What?" Sebastian asked, not as confused as dazed by Thad's words.
The idiot made the smallest of the mocking smiles Sebastian have ever seen but he hid it under a facade of compassion not two seconds after. "You see, we cannot have our lead vocalist distracted while we perform. Sectionals are in a couple weeks. I hope you understand that."
Sebastian narrowed his eyes in disbelief, looking almost threatening toward the other boy.
"Is this supposed to be some sort of what? A threat?" He scoffed.
"Oh, no, no, you don't have to take it that way. I just express the dismay of the other team members."
"Yeah, well tell them I'm fine, I just, have been going through some stuff lately but I'm getting over—"
"All right!" Thad interrupted him, nodding in a way that made it clear he was not as convinced as he was saying. "We will pick the songs and start practicing the routine for sectionals tomorrow. We expect your best behavior, and commitment." He sighed, taking a few seconds to choose his next words. "Now, I know you don't take life seriously Sebastian, but this is important. At least for some of us. "
Sebastian looked with a resentful expression as Thad walked away without giving him at least a last look. It was proving to be a shitty day. That he wasn't committed? He was practically walking dead, those assholes should kiss his feet for the things he did for that stupid chorus.
"Thad can be a little harsh, don't give it much importance." Sebastian didn't have to look aside to know that it was Nick leaning on the wall where Thad had been a second ago. He recognized the voice quite well, not precisely because he was his second vocalist but because most of the time he and a certain blond would stick to his back the whole practice.
"No, he's right, They gonna throw me the fuck out." he admits and leans against the wall next to the other boy. He refuses to let show how bad he feels by Thad's words, but he doubts he's doing a good job.
"No, don't say it like that," Nick says and Sebastian wants him in the face for the lousy job he is doing at cheering him on. "We all have our moments, and he's just angry because you won't go out with him. What we must admit is a great offense considering that you slept with almost anything with a penis and a pulse."
"I suck." He bit his lip when he realized he had said that out loud. Besides the possible innuendo he'd left in the air. God, it wasn't supposed to be like this, stay cool Sebastian, you're fine, you're gonna be fine. This stupid shit won't matter in three years.
"You're amazing." the boy comforted him, daring to lay a hand on his shoulder. "And if you don't feel good you can excuse yourself, I'm sure they'll understand."
"No," he refused immediately. "I- I'll try harder. We're going to win sectionals." Nick smiled excited and then he remembered something. "By the way, where's Jeff?" Sebastian asked. "You two lovebirds seem to be attached at the hip." Nick's expression decomposed.
"He's mad at me because, apparently, I asked him for some time and won't talk to me until I apologize. "
"The blonde is cheesy, isn't he?" He tried to joke. Nick and Jeff were like, the most irritating couple he'd ever met. It was well known for everybody that the couple was inseparable from the first day Jeff was transferred at the beginning of last year and they were rarely seen away from each other since.
"Yeah but I like him cheesy." Nick assured, causing Sebastian to roll his eyes.
"So, why did you ask him for time?" he asked, falsely intrigued and internally longing that drug to sedate animals that no pharmacy would sell him.
"I didn't- Well, I guess I did, but it was just a time to spend the weekend with my family, I didn't mean to break up but now he won't believe me, it was all a misunderstanding. "Nick started babbling nonsense next to Sebastian, who was barely listening anymore. Okay he wasn't a great listener, but at least he tried not to be so obviously disinterested. The boy finally stopped when the tall, slim figure of his boyfriend moved down the hall accompanied by David and Trent, who seemed uncomfortable when they saw Nick staring at them while Jeff deliberately ignored him and passed by without a glance.
Jeff was, in every sense of the word, everything that Sebastian never wants to be. He never liked sappy people, but sappy subs were a new level of annoying; he was not like that, he was a sub who never wanted to be a sub, but he had nothing to do with it, in fact if it weren't for his sickness Sebastian would be ready to sue the hospital that gave him the blood tests wrong five times.
"Damn I miss him." Nick murmured dreamily, Sebastian frankly didn't understand how he could miss someone whose greatest aspiration was to become his shadow.
"Why don´t you just take another guy and, show him around? Make Jeff see he's not the only fish in the water."
"It doesn't work that way. There's no one else for me."
"Eww" Sebastian groaned letting his head fall against the wall.
"Come on, Seb. You just act like this because you've never been in love, but—"
"Blah, blah, blah, I've heard that before." He said bored. The endless talks about true love were something he'd heard since his 3 years old and stopped believing at 9. He'd plenty of time to get used to the idea that he would never get anyone to change his opinion on these things just as nobody would change his.
"I don't want to make him feel bad, but Trent and David won't leave him alone and I don't know what to do." Nick continued.
Sebastian pushed him away from him, since he was invading his personal space. "I'll tell you what to do, stop sighing and take the bull by the horns, are you his dom or not?"
"Ye-Yeah," he said, not sounding very sure of himself.
"What if he doesn't love me anymore and is just looking for a way out of this?"
"Don´t be ridiculous. The guy took the director off the stage in an assembly to ask you to be his dom, I doubt he's changed his mind so stop being an embarrassment and just, I don't know, order him something."
"I don't want to use that power on him. I'd like him to talk to me because he wants to, not because I ordered him to."
"Well, you're the only one." Sebastian muttered darkly in a low voice. He knows how it sounds; as if these were his own thoughts instead of the expression of intense contempt he felt for those of his designation, but that was okay, because no doubt Nick would be very confused if he realized his feelings on the subject. "In that case, I don't know how I can help you Duval, you and your little prince will have to fend for yourselves. "
"You're right" Nick jumped, looking at Sebastian as if he saw him for the first time. "You're too of the macho-dom anyway, I'm not like that, it'd never work for me the way it does for you."
"So stop talking to me," he said irritated, looking away, he didn't even understand why he was still here.
"You think he'll accept talking to me if I sing him something?"
"Ugh, I don't know, but I will not be your showgirl."
"You're mean," Nick complained, doing something very much like a pout that made him look like a ten year old boy.
Sebastian smiled, almost funny. "Are you new here?" He mocked.
His cell phone vibrating in one of his back pockets distracted him from the grimace Nick was giving him. He took the device, confused when he saw that it a message from Hummel.
From Princess bitch (8:56): You're okay if I go to see you later?
Sebastian had to check twice if it was really a text from Hummel before allowing himself to feel the relief spread through his body. Finally, something good happened to him.
Sebastian hadn't wanted to talk to Hummel since their last texts on Wednesday and even less after his bizarre episode in Scandals that same night. Although he had to bite his tongue and write a couple of times in order to check for his meetings a little while after arriving at Dalton. He made every effort to completely forget the subject, which was difficult considering his condition, two days in this thing could be quite exhausting. That Kurt gave him the option to see him even before he asked him again was a point in favor of his pride, he wasn't looking forward to it.
"Something wrong?" Nick asked, leaning a little toward the front to try to see the message. Sebastian put it out of reach, tossing one apprehensive look.
"No, why?"
"You frowned."
"I did... I did not." he said, turning his gaze to the screen. Nick snorted at his side.
To Princess bitch (8:57): Yeah, that sounds good.
From Princess bitch (8:58): Sure? You don't have any plans or anything? It's Friday night.
To Princess bitch (8:58): Yeah I know it's Friday night, I'm free.
From Princess bitch (9:59): Great. I'll drop around five then.
"Well, I think it's time for me to go to my Spanish class alone, since I'm being ignored."
"Yeah, goodbye." Nick made a frustrated noise but he left anyway, leaving Sebastian alone.
He glanced up furtively but no one was looking in his direction. His phone vibrated in his hand again at the same time the bell announcing the start of his next class rang.
From Princess bitch (9:00): Bring food.
…
By the end of the school day Sebastian felt as if he could be drowning in himself. Sitting, listening, writing, reading, standing, walking, sitting and everything over and over again. All a dreadful routine that repeated itself over and over again, every day, every week, every month. Submissives are supposed to like routine, to love it even, to have an objective set, have a purpose and a clear way to achieve it, in addition to standards for meeting and surpass was of the things Sebastian knew adapted to the personality of it. But for Sebastian it was something suffocating, oppressive, as if he were surrounded by too many responsibilities , too many expectations, obligations, commitments, chains tying him to something that he wanted desperately to get away of.
Plus, it was awfully boring. He couldn't stop his mind to travel to what would be his next years of life. Was this all there was? An education and later a steady job that would consume all his life? Get up, get dressed, work, eat, sleep. He had to loosen up the knot in his tie to breathe properly again. A mediocre life, average, that was what awaited him? A big empty house to fill with eccentricities and one night stands. It didn't sound so bad, not for anyone else. Routine. Sebastian hated it.
He wasn't sure why he suddenly felt this way, he'd always been aware of what his future looked like. An important career, perhaps a doctor, lawyer or head of a major company to please his parents, he doesn't even know if he'd choose something different if it wasn't for them, somehow he doesn't see himself wanting to be something else, he doesn't see himself wanting to be anything really. He normally wouldn't be carried away by these things, they are stupid emotions and they should have no impact on his actions.
It was probably this stupid sickness messing with his head. It already had made him do so many stupid things it wouldn't be a surprise if all this confusion in his head was also because of it. He really hopes it doesn't last too long, he needs to return to normal life, the routine that hates and needs if he wants to have a life at all, Sebastian thinks as he pulls out the key of his room and put it in the hollow of the lock, struggling with the stuff on his left arm.
He gets inside and locks the door and as he turns around he feels his heart leap of shock and momentary panic when he looks forward. Kurt's there, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring right at him with perfectly crossed ankles and supported in the palms of his hands while an amused, guilty smile, extends on his lips.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He said, and Sebastian ignores the heartbeat too inconstant in his chest to straighten up again.
"You didn't scare me, I just- was surprised. How- How did you get in? I thought you'd come after five, I "Kurt was watching now completely amused, then he realizes that he's babbling. He ignored that, too." No, seriously, how did you get in? "
"I thought on coming earlier. My classes ended a few hours before, so I thought it'd be good to use the time. I hope you don't mind." He says and Sebastian stares wordlessly so Kurt continues. "Your prefect opened your room. I said I was your tutor and as I am a dom he didn't put much resistance." Kurt shrugged carelessly.
Sebastian nods, still a little affected by the surprise, which he won't admit. Dropping his keys on the desk, his eyes fell on the heap of clothes on the chair and the open books beside the computer. Hell, he was supposed to have everything clean.
He saw Kurt watching too.
"I, I was just" He tries to excuse himself but Kurt already was interrupting him with a hand gesture.
"It's okay, I'm not your mother. I'm not scolding you, it's your room, not mine. While it doesn't smell bad I won't complain."
"Oh. Okay" Sebastian said, appeased by the words of the other boy. He feels a little awkward and then he remembers the content inside the black plastic bag he still carried on his arm. "Here," he said, pulling out the content of the bag and putting it in the little free space on the desk, setting the differents white containers together as Kurt got up out of bed to see them.
"I didn't know exactly what you meant with food, so I brought fries, biscuits, cookies, sandwiches, sodas, all I could take of the cafeteria. And uhh, I think that is a salad or something, I don´t know why it's purple." Sebastian said when he saw Kurt looking inside one of the containers.
"It's purple cabbage." He stated.
"I don't know, it looks gross I won´t eat it."
Kurt giggled. "Okay, don't worry, I'll sacrifice myself for you." He said looking down to the cookies with a strange expression.
Sebastian frowned but immediately smiled.
"I should've imagined you'd be one of those." Sebastian said, smiling knowingly, almost superiority.
"One of what?" Kurt asked, returning his gaze to him and his expression wasn't so amused anymore.
"One of those..." He made a funny gesture with his hand, twisting and stretching it a few times.
Kurt let out a sarcastic laugh. "Oh sorry, maybe I have the wrong room or I am talking to Sebastian Smythe?"
"I mean one of those. You know the kind of who look to junk food as an insult to humanity and only eat salads, vegetables, and that stuff, though I should've had a clue from the way you dress. "
Kurt narrowed his eyes. "Oh look at that, aren't you a hypocrite?"
Sebastian shrugged, trying to look indifferent. "I'm gay, not a queen."
"So you're saying that I am?"
"Well, more like a princess, I think." He said, a little smile sliding across his features.
Kurt clucked his tongue. "Lovely,"
"You have to admit you're a little uptight."
"Uh," Kurt says nothing more after that. Sebastian is waiting for the inevitable fight, insult, and physical smack that should come later, but nothing. Kurt turns, leaving the salad bowl on the desk and walking back to sit on the bed. He grabs his phone and after a few seconds looking at the screen he starts writing something.
Sebastian has the feeling that his last joke hadn't been any funny for Kurt. He knew it hadn't been anything close to polite but he was perfectly willing to let Kurt insulting him a bit too.
He went to bed too, leaning on his elbow in a corner of the bed and trying to look relaxed.
"Did I get you angry?" He asks, with a small smile that could pass for distressed.
"No." The other boy said without hesitation. Sebastian represses his need to sigh. Hummel was no fool. He typed some more words on his phone and after too many seconds in silence Sebastian purposefully relaxed his muscles even more, falling a little deeper into the bed but still holding onto his elbow.
"Who are you texting to?" He questions, an easy and playful smile on his lips and raising the hand that is not holding him up in bed to play with his hair, the way he knows he looks attractive when doing it.
Kurt looks at him and his eyes stop for a moment on his face.
"My step-mom" He answers, pressing one last button and leaving the phone sideways. He still sounds too serious but he's looking at him.
"Do you live with her?" He asks again, combing a short strand of hair near his eyebrow.
Kurt blinks at him twice.
"You look tired." He says and Sebastian dropped the smile.
"What?"
"Tired. Aren't you? Your eyes are red all over and—"
"Well yes but it's because of the sickness, I haven't—"
"Exactly." Kurt got up from the bed. "Maybe a bath will help you. Come on. Go to prepare the tub."
Sebastian presses his lips into a tight line, he knows that is embarrassment tensing his body knowing that he'd tried to look attractive to get away with it and hadn't succeeded. That he, again, was not enough. He feels humiliated by it, for having even tried. But even above the embarrassment and humiliation, he feels angry by Kurt's command, though he knows it's irrational, he already feels a slight weight get out of him, as if a stone had fallen from a bag he was carrying on his back. And he knows that it's because of it. He also knows that in case he doesn't comply that little weight on his back would double.
Kurt pointed to the bathroom with a flick of the head and Sebastian followed the gesture.
"Fine." He says, accepting without more complaints. Kurt's face didn't move when Sebastian stood up, in the same way it did not when he walked past him to get to the bathroom, walking through the barely adequate space and opened the tap of the tub, awaiting for the hot water to fill it.
"Get in the tub," Kurt said, his voice authoritative even from the distance, somewhere outside the bathroom. Sebastian takes a breath, letting himself accept the command. "And you should take your clothes off this time."
A wrinkle formed between Sebastian's eyebrows remembering the day he got in the shower with his clothes on the first night Kurt came after their agreement. He said nothing, however, he was still a little embarrassed about it, and started pulling his clothes off, dropping them carelessly on the bathroom floor.
He puts one foot on the tub and then another and start to lean to submerge the rest of his body in the water when Kurt's voice, much closer than what Sebastian expected it to be startle him.
"Are you done?"
He stumbles, one of his feet slipping in the surprise and causing him to fall and splash water everywhere. He can feel his eyes wide and his agitated chest . Kurt's there, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom staring at him, his lips arched at the corners as if he wanted to laugh, but he doesn't.
"What the- hey, what are you doing?" Sebastian asks, his tone not quite composed as he would like as he sees Kurt getting fully into the bathroom, giving him a superficial look, barely existent.
"My work." He says, moving his shoulders and hands to get rid of his white jacket.
Sebastian's jaw trembled a little considering the words and a sensation like stage fright spread through his stomach.
"Umh-How?" One of Kurt's eyebrows rose almost to the middle of his forehead. The image of Kurt completely naked getting into the hot water of the tub while he was still in there was all he could think about as he looked away to his knees, bent to his stomach to hide his crotch.
Kurt put his jacket over the sink and walked calmly towards him, stretching a little too close the tap in his way.
It only was required a few steps so that he was right next to his head and Sebastian was tense, even knowing that he had no reason to. "I'm gonna give you a massage. Move."
Oh. Well, that was… a good option too.
Kurt squat on the floor so his clothes wouldn't get wet by water splashed there and looked expectantly at Sebastian.
"What for? If I can ask." Sebastian muttered, moving in the way that Kurt told him so he was turning his back completely to the dom.
"To help you relax," said Kurt quickly. "I got the impression that you are quite tense."
He swallowed his protest to the term as Kurt's warm hands fell on his shoulders, one on each side of his neck and pressed there. Hard.
"Ouw," Sebastian complained, shaking a bit on the shoulders to try to get rid of the pain. "Are you sure you know how to do this?"
"Yeah, I'm one of those, right? I know how to give a massage. Maybe I'll even start working at a spa." Kurt's voice was full of false enthusiasm and his hands moved on his skin again, squeezing more than it was necessary.
Sebastian frowned, pressing his lips and endure the pain running through his shoulders to his neck even if he couldn't help contorting his features every couple of seconds.
"It wasn't an insult, you know. I just... always speak my mind I guess." He tried to excuse himself. He knew Kurt was still upset about his comment of the salad and all that. He just hadn't really seen it as that offensive. So what if he was the typical TV gay? Fuck what everyone thought, he shouldn't care for any of that crap.
"It's okay," Kurt said woodenly.
Sebastian did not want to apologize, he really did not. It wasn't fair, he didn't mean any harm, besides it was a ridiculous reason to be mad at.
Although he didn't want to appeal to the wrong side of the dom, he was barely making any progress so he didn't need more traps along the way.
"I'll shut up from now on." He decided.
"No," Kurt said. Sebastian could almost see him frown. "I- I don't want you to. You can say whatever you want." That, contrary to what anyone might think, just made him feel worse. He didn't need Hummel to be a perfect little sensible gentleman, he could stand a bit of rudeness.
"I know I have a big mouth, I should think before—"
"Yes, you should, but… I suppose I like your sincerity. It's just... I don't like being stereotyped. "
Stereotyped. Yes, Sebastian knew a little about that. He should know better than anyone what it feels like not wanting to be what everyone already thinks you are. What he thinks it means he should know better than to make offensive jokes, he wasn't very good considering other people's feelings, though.
He heard Kurt take a long, heavy breathing. He couldn't see his face, but he wished he could, but at least this way he didn't have to deal with the guilt.
The hands on his shoulders had moved a bit further down, kneading the warm flesh, causing a pleasurable pain throughout his back. He let out the air in his lungs and tried to relax as much as I could, closing his eyes and feeling each finger move on his back in sync.
"You smell so much like cigarette you could be and ashtray," Kurt said, his voice much calmer now, even gentle, throwing more water over Sebastian's back with one of his hands.
It was clearly a criticism but Kurt's light tone told him that the anger had passed. Kurt was now giving small blows with his fist on his back and he was feeling lighter himself. "Is it an anxiety problem, anyway? Or you've always had that taste?"
Sebastian kept his gaze fixed in the water around his legs, still as tight as possible to his body. He sniffed a little in the air, at this point he could barely recognize the cigarette smell on his skin.
"The odor covers my scent. You know, so doms don't know I'm on sickness. I read it somewhere. But it also relaxes me. It's kind of a… combo."
The movements on his back stopped. He could physically feel the look Kurt was giving to his neck, since he couldn't see his face.
"What?" He asked, scowling.
"Nothing it's just… curious." Kurt muttered returning to his movements. "I wondered how you did it but..." Sebastian shrugged his shoulders as Kurt paused, clearly unsure of how to proceed.
After a while Sebastian just forgot about it, instead he focused on the firm but delicious movements on his back. Now that most of the initial pain had passed he was able to enjoy this much better. I hadn't had a massage since, well, never, if you didn't count the ones he probably received as a baby in order to 'stop his incessant and infernal screech' as his parents had put it.
He leaned back, relaxing his position and letting his head drop a little as the hands returned to his shoulders. He could get used to this. A hot bath and a nice massage after a horrible, horrible day. Which, if any, would be more or less every day.
"Anyway" He began. "There's a laundry basket under the sink that can be used as a seat." He reflected. It couldn't be very comfortable squatting for so long, he could also hear Kurt's feet moving every few seconds since a while ago. He didn't seem to react to his words, however.
"Kurt?"
Sebastian turned his head to the side so he could see Kurt's face and finding it much closer than he expected. His eyes took too long to realize Sebastian's movement, though, stuck on his body as they were, looking at his chest and below, a dark brightness Sebastian had never seen in them take control of all his expression. He couldn't help but preen a little as he watched Kurt get all red for being caught watching, Sebastian stretched and settled himself in a more comfortable position, but also a much more revealing one.
"You know, you could have just said you wanted to see me all naked and wet, you didn't have to come up with all that about massage. "He said, his ego feeling much better now that he knew that at least Kurt considered him attractive. Not that he ever doubted it, he was incredibly sexy, Hummel would have to be blind not to find him attractive. Even so, It was nice to have a confirmation.
"Don't flatter yourself." Kurt huffed, apparently exasperated, but it was too late, he already felt like his egocentric self.
He bit his lip, trying to turn his head and see why Kurt had stopped squeezing but seeing him getting up from his place, walk to the sink and reach for the basket Sebastian told him about. He could see the scarlet flush spread on his neck, disappearing into his shirt and his permanent as he took it out of his place. It made Sebastian want to smile. The boy was adorable, and fuck Sebastian didn't often think of things, much fewer people, as adorable.
When he came back, putting the basket upside down next to the tub, Kurt was looking anywhere but at him and Sebastian found out he liked it much more when Kurt was gazing shamelessly at him.
He made no attempt to continue with the massage after having sat in his old place. Sebastian almost protested, but Kurt was suddenly looking restless.
"I thought this was to relax me, not to disturb you," Sebastian says half joking-half serious, hoping to get at least a reaction from the dom, but he didn't get much, in fact he didn't even get a glance.
"I don't want to make you nervous," Kurt said, with his eyes fixed on his knees. Sebastian almost mocked at him.
"You should've thought about that before scare me nearly to death by appearing in my room out of nowhere."
He laughs and this time he can see a little smile show up on Kurt's lips.
It's a tiny and a pretty one, perhaps one that he's trying to stop. Sebastian licked his lip. "You know I don't mind you looking..." His voice came out hoarse and slow and he could see Kurt's cheeks go red all over again.
"Can we talk about other things?"
Sebastian sighed. "Like…?" He drawled.
"Like, how was your week?" Kurt asked, daring to look up, but focusing only on his face.
Sebastian tutted. "Pretty shitty, actually. Thank you for asking."
"Mhm," Kurt muttered. "Did you have any problems?"
"My entire life is a problem." He said bitterly. He hated that he was back thinking in his problems; in his sex life, in classes, in the Warblers, everything spinning around like a whirlpool of problems in his head.
"Something in particular that is bothering you? "
"Fuck off," Kurt gave him one of those looks and Sebastian had to sigh again. "It's just some idiot that doesn't leave me alone."
"Hum, you must've done something to him," Kurt said in a mocking tone, half smiling. The joke was unexpected but Sebastian welcome it. It was better than the awkward atmosphere. Sebastian pulled out a hand from the tub where he'd been playing distractedly with the warm water and splashed a little on Kurt's face. The dom complained, laughing freely now but reaching for a towel to dry himself. "Come on, did not you?"
"I did nothing to him, I just didn't want to go on a date with him and now he's the bane of my existence." He explained, sinking more in the tub.
"And why you didn't? No offense but you don't give the kind of being one who rejects an insistent offer." Sebastian didn't leave himself feel bad about it, it was true, and, for once, the person who said it didn't seem to be judging him for it.
"Too cloying," Sebastian replied frankly. "He'd pass all the time attached to my hip, he'd begin to think we're boyfriends or something and he'd kiss my ass 24/7. No. I better keep away from that. "
"Not your type huh?"
"Not at all."
Kurt nodded, not exactly processing new information, he didn't think he was very surprised by his words, but he seemed to be meditating on something.
"And this guy is a sub or..."
"Yeah, but he thinks I'm a dom so,"
"Of course. I forgot." Kurt shook his head slightly, as if incredulous of himself.
The admission still felt strange Sebastian's mouth. No one in the world knew he was a sub except for his parents, and well now Kurt, and probably all of the five doctors who made him blood tests in recent years, but they didn't count. He'd never openly admitted his condition to anyone since he was twelve, if he remembered well.
"What about you?"
"What's with me?"
"Tell me about your problems," Sebastian said, looking between Kurt and his own feet moving lazily in the water. "So I can forget mine."
"My problems are nothing like yours."
"Exactly." He pointed out.
The skin around Kurt's eyes tensed and he shifted in his seat. "I don't think you want to hear about them."
"Truth. But well if you're obligated to hear mine the least I can do is let you pour your heart out while I get bored. "Sebastian flashed a smile to Kurt.
Kurt still locked sort of apprehensive but he eventually loosened, though he still hesitated to speak.
"Well ... I'm kind of postulated in a candidacy for president, to help me earn points to get into the college I want and yeah... I'm being brutally crushed. "Kurt wailed, though he never lost his smile, small, perhaps forced to show indulgence or nonchalance. Nevertheless, Sebastian realized that it never reached his eyes.
"Sorry." He said, the words almost as strange in his ears as the admission of his designation. Kurt smile became smaller, but this time he looked more confused than anything. "Why?"
Sebastian looked aside, struggling to get the words out. "I guess I'm not being very helpful, making you come here and all."
"Dot worry about it. It's better if I have a distraction."
He smiled then, his gaze falling on his chest. "Distraction huh?" He ran a hand through the wet and shiny skin, stopping on his abdominals and moving his hand over there a couple of times. When he returned his gaze to where Kurt was the dom was watching the movements of his hand, quite intensely. "Seem something you like?"
Kurt's jaw tightened and soon enough he was being repeatedly hit by the towel that previously rested on his legs. Sebastian breathed out a short laugh, moving to dodge the blows and unintentionally spattering more water on the floor. "Hey, that's my only towel," He yelled, still smiling, but irritated when the cloth began to get wet. Kurt stopped, and when Sebastian looked at him again his cheeks were going even rosier.
"Seriously now, I know this isn't something you'd want to do on a Friday afternoon." Sebastian continued, taking the wet material and thrown it away.
Kurt shrugged. "It's not so bad. I like taking care of people. I have to look after my father's health all the time and I used to love taking care of my boyfriend. "He said, his embarrassed smile fading slightly and turning into a thoughtful grin.
Sebastian glanced at him, both of his eyebrows raised. "You have a boyfriend?" He almost choked on the word.
It was a possibility that ever, not for a moment had crossed his head and he has to fight the urge to frown at the thought of a guy, another faceless guy in his mind sitting at home not knowing, or worse, knowing that his beloved boyfriend dominated someone else in his spare time. The mental image made him want to return breakfast.
Luckily, Kurt eliminated the possibility in seconds. "I had." He said. "We broke up a couple months ago."
"Oh." Sebastian exhaled. That made more sense. He didn't think Kurt was the kind of guy who accepted a deal like theirs having a boyfriend. "You dumped him, huh?" He asked teasingly.
"More like he dumped me."
"That makes no sense." Sebastian said. Kurt smiled at him, making him realize what he'd just said. He cleared his throat. "I mean, yeah you're annoying and dress like a girl, but at least you don't hit people if they don't do what you say in a blink of an eye."
Kurt's smile dropped just the tiniest bit. He was still kind of smiling but he looked rather pensive.
"Yeah, I think I was too soft para él."
Sebastian wrinkled his nose. "What do you mean?"
Kurt leaned back, looking briefly to somewhere else and then back to him. For a moment Sebastian thought he'd refuse to answer, or simply evade the question, but he was talking just a second later.
"Let's just say he left me because, as a dom, I wasn't giving him enough," Kurt mumbled, looking embarrassed while he said It. Sebastian blinked.
"I thought you said you weren't a virgin." Kurt gaze remained on his, one eyebrow going higher than the other, and then he rolled his eyes. Sebastian ignored the look of disbelief. "Was he crazy? He wanted you to whip him like in the Middle Ages or something like that?"
Kurt's little smirk was back, but there was something melancholy in his eyes. "Something like that."
He could feel his eyes opening wide in bewilderment.
Who the hell is your ex, man? The star of a masochistic show?"
"In fact you'll be surprised to know that you've met him."
"What?"
Kurt crossed his legs, watching him knowingly. "Blaine? The guy on my glee club? The one you tried to seduce after we came to Dalton."
"No way!" Sebastian exclaimed but his voice held humor in it. "You dated Anderson?"
"Mmhm, I guess that means we have the same taste."
Sebastian laughed. "Oh, you never say that again."
He couldn't believe it; Blaine Anderson, little Blaine Anderson with his gelled hair, tasteless shirts, bow ties and apparent aversion for socks, he just couldn't see Kurt with him, It just looked too much like a cartoon his mind couldn't get to look real.
"So, the guy is… kind of needy huh?" He asked teasingly.
Kurt's face contorted.
"I just wasn't ready. I think he just expected me to be more than I was."
Sebastian nodded. "He liked that kind of stuff huh?"
"Yeah…"
"Can I ask why?"
"Why what?"
"Why does he likes that stuff?" He asked. "I mean how can you enjoy while your sex partner punches you in the face?"
"Nobody punch anybody in the face, well some like slaps but not like that."Kurt quickly corrected.
"Still" Sebastian replied, trying not to flinch.
Kurt breathed. "Well I can't answer that question, Blaine once told me it was because it made him feel loved, but I didn't understand very well exactly why. I just know it's a universal true that subs like that."
He snorted. "Tell that to my messed DNA." He glowered at the water, slowly becoming colder every minute." And you like that kind of things?"
"No thanks, I'm very good with my designation."
"No, I mean... dom stuff." He clarified.
"Of course ..." Sebastian didn't look up, moving away unconsciously in the tub. "Not the way you think. I hate bullies but there's something really beautiful in the eyes of a sub during a scene. Is something I think I couldn't live without."
Sebastian swallowed, feeling vaguely susceptible. Kurt sounded quite fond of this whole thing, it made him nervous for some reason but he had to focus. Kurt was not talking about whipping, Kurt was safe, he wouldn't do that.
"And if you'd been a sub?"
Kurt didn't sound disturbed by the question. "Well, I like to think that if so I would have liked more sub things."
"And what if you didn't?" He asked and refused to see Kurt's eyes when he did, not wanting to see any sort of pity reflected in his face. "I don't get why someone would want to be a sub, weak, always depending on the people around them."
Kurt's voice went lower but to Sebastian's relief it sounded teasing. "Perhaps you could use a talk with Blaine." Sebastian snorted again. "Hey, this girl in school, she's a sub, and she's destroying me at the elections, a boy of Carmel, Jesse, runs his glee club to Nationals and win the trophy every year, and you are nothing like any other sub I've ever seen, so don't come with that subs aren't leaders because I'll never agree with that."
Sebastian couldn't help but smile at the stubborn tone, against his will for the record, and when he looked at Kurt, expecting to see him smiling too he was already getting on his feet.
He moved the basket to under the sink to where it was before and turned to him.
"I'll leave you alone so that you finish." He said, and pointed to the bedroom, calmly walking outside and closing the door behind him.
...
Sebastian took his bath fast and efficient, the water was almost completely cold by then and the pruney skin wasn't very nice. His hair was done in a short time and he concentrated on cleaning his body the best he could, using a lot of soap and some scented shampoo to get rid of the cigarette smell. It took a little more on that part, the smell had been in his skin for a long time and was quite penetrating.
In the middle of scrubbing his neck and shoulders with the sponge he started wondering about Hummel. He was very weird, at least Sebastian's opinion. But he hadn't met anyone like him before. If only he weren't a dom, Sebastian thinks he could have picked him up in Scandals. That is if he ever went. He was attractive, certainly much better than most of the guys he's had, he had a nice body, and his skin was almost perfect, Sebastian would've probably thrown himself to him like starved animal. And then after a few drinks and a couple of songs he could have convinced him to go home with him and have an excellent experience.
But that would have been only a one time thing, like the rest of his relationship, and he'd never seen him again.
And if he'd been a sub he never could have been here, helping him in this way. He still doesn't understand why he does it. If Sebastian had been the dom and Kurt the sub he hadn't considered the offer, much less without receiving something in return. He thinks that means Kurt's a better person than he is, but of course he already knew that.
He concentrated on finishing his bath, and getting out of the tub to get the wet towel once it was over. He dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist. He doesn't worry about picking up his soaked clothes on the floor, surrounded by a big puddle of water. He'd clean up after Kurt left.
When he comes out he expects to see Kurt walking through his room, probably snooping around his stuff, instead, he sees Kurt lying on his bed, spread on the soft surface. How long had he taken?
He approaches quietly, walking to the closet a few steps from the bed to take some clothes. Kurt is breathing calmly and Sebastian realizes he is asleep. He is lying on his stomach, his cheek flattened against the thick pillow and one foot is suspended in the air, almost touching the floor since it looked like it fell out of bed, while his other leg and hands are outstretched over the mattress.
Sebastian frowned. He must be very tired if he had been able to fall asleep that way. Maybe it had something to do with the pressures of senior year, he thinks as he puts on underwear and some comfy joggers. Graduations, colleges and all that tends to exhaust a person, not even talk about the things you had to do to get in college, what Kurt said it was one of his current problems.
He sighs, walking to sit beside Kurt's sleeping body. There wasn't going be a great progress today, but it was fine, he didn't feel as bad as he did an hour ago. He looked at Kurt, staring the way his lashes curled up from his closed eyelids, his cheeks still a shade of the red that they'd been when Sebastian caught him looking. He supposes he can take a few of days more.
Leaning on the headboard, Sebastian took a deep breath and before he can realize what he's doing he's breathing, but rather sniffing, a dash of the scent that had filled his nose, before, the first time Kurt was here and then again on Tuesday. He'd never smelled anything similar, it was so good, it was impossible not to inhale over and over again trying to catch everything he could from it. He can't help but get a little closer to Kurt's body to inhale harder. He is no fool, he knows where that smell is coming from, but it was disconcerting at best. He hadn't smelled this way in the bathroom, or the in Lima Bean, much less in the parking lot where they met. He would've noticed, even above all that cigarette smoke, it would be impossible not to notice.
He inhales more strongly and doesn't know what holds upon him to get closer. Kurt's skin gave off that smell in waves, He can't even explain it, it's like a citrus, but sweet and fresh and definitely addictive, he never imagined that a smell like that would be possible. It was like imagining a new color and Sebastian didn't want to stop.
"What are you doing?"
Sebastian instantly jumps back, agitated. Kurt is looking at him with big curious eyes and he knows that this time it's him who's getting rosy cheeks.
"I- Uh, you're doing that again." He says, hoping not to sound like a madman. Kurt incorporated into a sitting position and looks at him before talking, frowning.
"Doing what?"
"Smelling like that, you put on something?"
"Nothing more than the usual, why? Smells bad?
God, it smells amazing ...
"Well, I wouldn't say bad..."
Kurt dropped his frown, taking a more casual position and stretching a hand to grab something from the nightstand. It's the purple salad. Next to it are the other things that Sebastian brought.
"It must be something that I got at glee club, guys there had the habit of experimenting with cologne." He said, removing the container lid and start snacking the content with a plastic fork.
"Yes, that must be it." Sebastian mumbles, slyly touching his cheek to check it wasn't still hot.
Kurt offers him of his food politely but Sebastian just makes a face and declines, reaching enough to take a packet of cookies himself.
"Well, you seem better than before," Kurt says, watching him open the package and taking a little more salad to his mouth.
"Yeah, I've been better I guess." He drawled out.
"Good, then I suppose we won't need to do anything too forward for now," Kurt said casually.
The words disheartened him a bit, even though he'd already assumed that's how it would be.
"Is something wrong? You don't look very happy."
"No, I'm fine."
He doesn't know what's wrong, he didn't even want this in the first place, and now he's upset because Hummel won't take advantage of the situation? It must have to do with the fact that he hasn't had a decent orgasm in three days.
"Sebastian?" Kurt asks and he looks at him, his voice lowering. "If you want something… this would be the moment to tell me, otherwise I can't do anything for you."
He looks so serious Sebastian even considered it, but he can't simply go on and say I'm horny and I need sex, can you just jerk me off or something? That would be weird, and maybe he is cheeky but even he doesn't go that far, not in this situation.
Sebastian parted his lips, but decided against it.
"No." He says, trying to sound confident and failing miserably. Kurt doesn' look convinced neither.
"All right." He agrees, though. "Have you thought more about your limits or your preferences, or is there something you want to add to the list Anything?"
"Nope." He bites a cookie. It's hard and salty and tastes as if was older than Sebastian himself.
Kurt shook his head in disapproval. "Sebastian this is important. Are you completely sure there's nothing more you have to add, or didn't you even think about it?"He shrugs.
"I don't need limits. Limits are for weak, I don't like restrictions."
"Everyone has limits. Everyone has... triggers. It's not weak, Sebastian, it's human nature. "
"What's your point?"
"My point is that I want to help." Kurt said. "I want you to stop having panic to all this. I want it to stop being a need for you, something you do only to not get sick. I want it to be something you want. I want you to enjoy it, at least not totally hate it. To experience what it is to be a sub, the good and yes, the bad too, but at least that you have both perspectives. "
"Well, and how do you plan to do that?" Sebastian asked, both eyebrows raised.
"Everyone has their own buttons." Kurt explained, a smart-ass smile taking over his features. "Mine for example; bondage is something that I enjoy a lot." Sebastian grew rigid at his side. He hadn't expected the conversation to go there.
"Like- chains and that?"
Kurt pursed his lips, thinking. At least he hadn't noticed Sebastian's reaction.
"Usually I prefer the ropes. They are more to my liking. Or scarves. Or handcuffs." He was starting to get excited and Sebastian didn't know how to react to it. Kurt looks delighted with the idea, but not in a sadistic or maniacal way, but as a small child who gets excited at the mention of ice cream for dinner. "A sub on his knees is always beautiful, too."
Sebastian sees the dom staring blankly at his side as he continues to peck his food. He briefly wonders if some of that also applies to him.
He remembered being on his knees, the memory blurry with waves and waves of different emotions and desperation but he could remember. Had Kurt thought that about him too or did he only meant people he actually wanted to submit to him?
"Seriously there's nothing you really crave a relationship?" Kurt asks and Sebastian takes another experimental bite of the cookie. Actually, relationship couldn't be the word, because he's never considered a relationship before.
"Well, I've always liked subs with whom I sleep not to be intimidated for my shit, but other than that, no, I don't think so. "He says, thinking that maybe Kurt made the right decision in choosing the salad instead of these horrible rancid cookies. Now he understands why he'd made that expression when he saw the package, either he was a great cook or this wasn't the first time he saw those cookies.
Kurt sighs in exhaustion and raising a hand to rub the back of his head. "You're a difficult job, Smythe."
Sebastian smiles.
"You're doing the work."