Chapter Six
Whispering in the Darkness
Ichigo was going to try and get Ikkaku to come around today, he'd decided. He knew it was risky, goading someone into doing something like this. He trained with him and had been extra pushy. Their fight got attention of the squad as Ikkaku and Ichigo both tried to beat the other. He finally had to give in to the exhaustion that was creeping up on him and Ikkaku put him down.
Panting, Ikkaku leaned down to offer his hand. "Well fought."
"You should get something out of it…" Ichigo told him as he took his hand tightly and stood up slowly.
"I get a prize?" Ikkaku said with a smirk at Yumichika who was standing beside him now.
"Come find me at the ramen place tonight if you wanna reward," Ichigo said as he put Zangetsu away on his back and left both men wondering what exactly he meant.
Ichigo had him. He'd always been attracted to Ikkaku, and this would work. He was needing a release and he couldn't do it anymore without being fucked. But he also didn't want to do it either. He needed to do it. He knew who he wanted to ask but that wasn't going to happen since he was already with someone else. Who was he to interfere in an existing thing? Nobody, that was for certain. He wasn't worth either of their time.
He found his way back to the manor and collapsed onto the futon. Once again, he'd pushed himself all the way into exhaustion, well past his limits. He'd been eating lately, so he didn't feel spiritually weak anymore. He would do anything so that he wasn't weak anymore.
"Ichigo?" came Rukia's voice from the door.
"Come in," he said with a sigh. "I stink, been over at the eleventh sparring with Ikkaku and them."
"That's okay, so how is that going?" she asked as she sat down on the edge of the futon.
"Good, but they hold back still." Ichigo was annoyed at that.
"They hold back?" Rukia wondered.
Ichigo nodded his head under his arm where it was thrown over his forehead. "Yeah, I think they're worried I can't handle it."
"Well, I'm sure you're doing your best."
"Not enough, though," he said with frustration.
"You need time. You've been back with us for less than two weeks. You spent three months away," she said with a soft smile. That was what she called it, being away. He supposed that was one way to put being in a fugue state born of shock and trauma. Even he knew why it happened.
"I suppose you're right. I just feel like I should be doing more." Ichigo covered his eyes with his arm.
Rukia was quiet for a few minutes. "So, how are you doing otherwise?"
"Fine," he sighed, not really wanting to discuss the other things that were going on. "What did they ever do in the World of the Living about me missing, or did Kon take over?"
"You're listed as a missing person. Kon wasn't comfortable with the kind of questions and things that he'd be asked if he took over. But if you want to go back, you'll have to talk to them about it, I'm sure." Rukia had been the one to talk to Kon and honestly couldn't blame the mod soul for not wanting to pretend to be Ichigo.
"I don't want to talk to anyone about it. Better to just stay missing than have to talk to people about it."
"Your sisters miss you. We managed to get Urahara to take them in and they're doing fine, though they are confused still about everything that happened. They couldn't keep it out of the news, considering who your father was to the community. Him dying in police custody had to be investigated," Rukia explained with a sigh.
"I don't want to be pitied and that's what would happen. Pity and sorry for what happened." The last thing Ichigo wanted to do right now was go back and have to answer to the human police. Better that he was a runaway.
"Ichigo, you know, it is okay to feel things about this. You can feel sad."
"I'm sad he's dead. I'm guilty that I murdered him. I'm lonely without him. I'm frustrated that everyone keeps worrying so much about me. I feel a lot of things," Ichigo muttered with his arm still over his eyes.
Rukia nodded and put a hand on his shoulder. "I know. If you want to talk, I'm here," she said and stood up.
Ichigo didn't want to move his arm because he was crying and he didn't want her to know. He listened until the door shut again and he moved his arm. He wiped away the traitor tears and wondered how long the hurt would stay with him. It was like his whole world had been pulled out from under him and he was just trying to learn how to live again. He decided to sleep until he went to the ramen place to meet up with Ikkaku.
-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-
Karin sat at the table in the shoten and stared at the wall. There wasn't much else to do since her father died mysteriously and her brother ran away. She was still getting over the shock after three and a half months since what had been happening right under her nose had been discovered and exposed. Yuzu had reacted worse, sobbing and wailing. Karin didn't care about her father being dead. After what he did, and freely admitted to doing, he was dead as her father. Karin was worried about Ichigo.
"Karin-kun," Urahara said as he came into the tea room. "Is something wrong?"
"Just thinking about Ichigo. I wish he'd come back," she said with a sigh.
The door opened and they could hear Yuzu sobbing already. Karin looked up as her sister came into the room with a red face and tears streaming down.
"Yuzu, what in the world is wrong?" she asked, standing up.
"They-they said he made it up and that's why he ran away!" she finally sobbed out. "They said it was all lies and that our d-dad hadn't done anything wrong!"
"That's ridiculous, we heard him admit it with his own words, so how do they explain that? A full confession?" Karin scoffed and crossed her arms angrily.
This was another thing they'd been dealing with. With Ichigo's disappearance came the accusations that none of it was true. They. Those people that stuck their nose into the business of others. They said so many things after the news broke that one of the most respected doctors in Karakura Town had confessed to sexual assault of his own son and then died. Karin and Yuzu had been left behind when their brother disappeared from the hospital. Karin had suspicions that Urahara knew where he was, though. She just got that impression from the shopkeeper. He was far less worried for Ichigo than he should have been if he was really missing.
"You need to stop listening to those idiots," Karin said and sat back down. "They don't know anything. They have no idea what its like to find out your father is a scum and then he dies before you can confront him," she tried to keep the tears out of her eyes, but she couldn't. She'd never forgive their father for dying before she had a chance to say something to him about what he'd done.
"I know but its so hard to ignore! They talk all the time when I'm around and it just…" Yuzu started, wiping her tears as she spoke.
"Just tell the idiots to shut up!" Karin snapped. "They don't know anything!"
"Yare, yare, let's calm down," Urahara said. "I think everyone is a little worked up. I'll make you both some tea."
Karin wanted to tell him to stuff his tea, but she didn't. It wasn't his fault. This was all her father's fault, including Ichigo being missing. Finding out that he'd been abused right there in their house for so many years… She started when the cup sat down in front of her. She sighed and wiped the tears away. She wasn't going to cry. Yuzu did enough of that for both of them.
-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-
Ichigo woke up and saw that it was almost sunset. He had slept most the afternoon. He sat up and found that Rukia or someone had left a tray with food on it. He quietly ate and wondered about what he was going to do. He was using Ikkaku, and that was wrong, but what choice did he have? He honestly felt like he had none. He gathered himself and put Zangetsu on the weapon rack; he wasn't going to fight. It was a far different reason he was meeting Ikkaku tonight. He just hoped he came.
He got to the ramen place to find it nearly empty as it was after the dinner rush already. He was nervous that this would all be for nothing, but he was worried for no reason since he saw Ikkaku come in just as he got seated with a bottle of sake. He figured a little sake would help matters, though he knew Ikkaku had responded to his advances in a positive way.
"Yo, Ichigo," Ikkaku said as he sat down. Ichigo nudged a sake cup his way, which Ikkaku took without question. "I had no idea you were into giving out prizes."
"I had no idea Yumichika would let you come get one," he said with a smirk.
"Yumi and I see others. Mr. Beautiful likes to be admired as often as he can be." Ikkaku drank another cup.
"Well, the prize is going to take work, you know. I like to play games," Ichigo downed his third sake cup with a grin. It was a good thing age didn't matter in Soul SOcieity,k he wasn't really old enough to drink yet. Eighteen wasn't twenty.
"Games?" Ikkaku asked as he sipped his cup this time.
Ichigo nodded. "Yeah, so I'm gonna tell ya how this will work. We go, find someplace quiet, then you don't listen to a word I say after the door closes. I'll tell you no, but that's the fun part, you have to take it from me."
"Are you sure, Ichi?" Ikkaku asked as he poured them both another cup.
"Its all a game, Ikkaku. Just a fun little game I play when I give someone their prize," he said with a smirk.
Ichigo was depending on the fact only the captains and lieutenants actually knew all the details about what had happened. He needed Ikkaku to be forceful and he was hoping he could get him to do things all the way. He knew as soon as they were alone, he would rethink things and try to back out of their encounter. He knew he was just as scared of doing this as ever, but he needed it. He needed someone to take it from him when he told them no.
"Then we going to have our fun or get drunk?" Ikkaku asked with a smirk.
"Fun, since I'm starting to get drunk," Ichigo said as he stood up, wobbling a bit.
Ikkaku put an arm around his shoulders and steered him towards the door. Coming out into the night air cleared Ichigo's head and he started to have second thoughts. The alcohol made him fuzzy though and the next thing he knew, they were going into one of the empty barracks outside the eleventh. Ikkaku locked the door behind them and grabbed Ichigo by the back of the head and kissed him.
"Rough and forceful, yeah?" he said with panting breath.
Ichigo shook his head, the feeling of having someone grab him by the back of his hair sent him into a near panic, but he couldn't deny the arousal that swept through him. "No, I changed my mind," he panted, eyes wide. "I don't wanna do this anymore."
"You don't want to? I think I could like this game," Ikkaku said as he steered Ichigo into the wall and slammed him up against it. He reached down and felt Ichigo through his hakama. "See, look at that, you obviously want this."
"No, I don't, not anymore, please," he panicked because now he knew he was in trouble. Ikkaku thought it was a game and wasn't going to stop because that's what he told him to do. He pushed Ikkaku back and caught his breath, putting his hands on his chest. "No, forget what I said, I know I said to not listen to me but you need to stop, please."
"Not on your life, you got me here, you're going to pay the price for working me up like this, Ichigo," he said and slammed Ichigo back into the wall.
He started sucking and biting his neck and Ichigo lost strength to push him off. He was falling into an abyss and there was no way out of it. He'd done this, he'd put himself in this position. He was going to have to pay for what he'd done. He deserved it and he couldn't blame Ikkaku for anything that happened here tonight. He was at fault entirely.
"I can't…please…I've changed my mind, please," he begged as he felt Ikkaku's teeth bite into the flesh of his shoulder. He said he wanted force, and this was why he'd picked Ikkaku.
Things were hazy again but then he felt Ikkaku's body move off of him suddenly and he was left leaning against the wall, blinking in confusion.
"Renji?" he whispered as he realized that Renji had pulled Ikkaku away and was talking to him in hushed tones. Ikkaku's face changed and he nodded.
"Sorry," he said and escaped out the door.
Renji turned to Ichigo then. "What the hell are ya doin'?"
"I don't know anymore," he whispered as he slid down the wall to drop his head between his knees. He was dizzy and couldn't stand any longer. "I don't know. I shouldn't have done that to Ikkaku."
"Done that to him? He's the one that wasn't listening to you when you told him to stop," Renji growled. He came and knelt in front of Ichigo.
"Because I told him earlier not to listen to me. I told him I wanted him to take it from me. I knew I wasn't going to be able to go through with it, so I told him it was a game," he said and looked up at Renji's dark eyes.
"You tried to trick someone into…Ichigo!" Renji said with exasperation. "I can't believe you'd do something to Ikkaku. Can you imagine what he would feel like if he thought you weren't willing?"
"I know," he whispered and ran a hand over his head. "I thought the sake would help."
"What am I going to do with you?" Renji asked no one in particular and reached over to pull Ichigo to his feet. "I know what we're going to do. We're going to talk to Kuchiki-taichou about this."
"Can we not tell him…" Ichigo started as he stumbled after Renji.
Renji wasn't talking any more as he led Ichigo back to the manor and through the front straight to Byakuya's room. He pounded on the door. Ichigo was mortified because he had no idea what they were going to do to him. Would he be punished for what he almost made Ikkaku do? He hadn't gotten through with it and he was sure that he couldn't be in trouble for almost doing something.
"What is it at this hour?" came Byakuya's voice as the door opened.
Byakuya was dressed for bed, obviously, and had a very annoyed look on his face. Ichigo pulled back on Renji again but Renji shoved him forward and past Byakuya into the room. Byakuya just stepped out of the way and let both of them past into the room. Byakuya's room was simple: a futon in the middle of the room and a dresser to the side. The side doors were open and led on the deck that went down the side of the building and the koi pond in the middle of the garden area.
"I'm sorry, I tried to stop him," Ichigo said as he turned and looked between the two of them.
"Waiting to discuss this isn't going to happen. He tried to trick Ikkaku into raping him," Renji stated flatly.
"You what?" Byakuya asked, blinking at him and showing a rare emotion of shock.
"It wasn't like that; I agreed ahead of time." Ichigo crossed his arms over his chest.
"And told him not to listen when you said no," Renji growled under his breath. "So yes, you may have agreed to it ahead of time but when you chaged your mind you made it so he'd force you."
Ichigo opened his mouth to argue but then just closed it. He had no defense against this. He was sure that Byakuya would punish him, and for some reason he wanted that to happen. He deserved to be punished for what he did.
"It is obvious that my thinking that time would temper him was incorrect," Byakuya said with a sigh, turning and pouring a cup of water from a pitcher that sat on a serving cart nearby. "The needs are too strong for him to control."
"What are you talking about?" Ichigo asked suddenly. "You've discussed something like this happening before?"
"We knew that you'd been trained by your father to be treated a certain way, and that training doesn't just go away," Renji said with a sigh. "We wanted to come to you sooner, but we wanted to give you time. But it seems that time is only going to make things worse for you."
"I don't understand." Ichigo was very confused by what exactly Renji was getting at.
"Idiot. Why do you think I followed your dumb ass?" Renji said with a roll of his eyes.
"I don't know, stupid eyebrows!" Ichigo snapped back, crossing his arms over his chest and feeling overly exposed at the moment.
"Ichigo, Renji and I have an arrangement with each other, we're also lovers as superior and subordinate."
"I figured that out already," Ichigo said with a twinge of hurt. Of course, this was how they were going to put him outside their arrangement.
"We were going to invite you to join us when you were ready," Byakuya continued.
Ichigo gasped and looked between them, not sure how to react to that admission. They weren't excluding him from their relationship. They weren't exclusive with each other. They wanted him?
"Why would you want me?" he asked finally when his voice could be found.
"Because I care about you and I want you to know what it feels like to have someone you care about love you the right way," Renji said with a glance at Byakuya. He stepped forward and put one hand on Ichigo's arms. "I, no we, want to show you that you're worthy of being loved."
"I'm not, though, look what I tried to do tonight!" Ichigo said, stepping back and brushing Renji's hand off his arm. "I'm not worthy of real love."
"Then consider it an arrangement to answer your needs," Byakuya said with a soft and unususal smile. "If you won't allow love, then at least allow us to help you meet your physical needs."
"If I do say yes, you'll listen to me when I say to stop, won't you?" he asked with a blush rising to his cheeks. How could they know how it made him feel that they thought he was worthy of their attention.
"Of course," Renji said with a smirk as he stepped forward and ran a hand down Ichigo's arm. "Come on," he whispered and pulled Ichigo forward to kiss him chastely on the lips. Ichigo gasped at the action and opened his mouth, allowing Renji to slip his tongue into his mouth. The gentle exploration became passionate kissing in short order. Renji was surprised by his receptiveness and went with it from there, putting both hands on Ichigo's shoulders.
Ichigo was in a fugue state again, perhaps from the alcohol, perhaps from the kissing, but he let Renji probe his mouth for what felt like forever before he pulled back panting. Kissing was new for him, especially like this. He'd never done much kissing before tonight and was probably not very good at it.
"You seem to like that," Renji said with a bated breath.
Ichigo nodded slowly. "Yeah."
Byakuya grabbed Ichigo's chin and turned his head toward him. He leaned in and Ichigo leaned forward, wondering if kissing him was like kissing Renji. He felt his lips and found them softer than he expected as his tongue flicked out at the seam of Ichigo's lips to request entry. Ichigo opened his mouth and again fell to losing himself in kissing. It felt so different than anything he'd ever experienced, and he liked it quite a bit. When Byakuya pulled away, he leaned toward him, wanting to recapture his lips again.
"I think he likes the attention," Byakuya said with a smile again.
"Ya, I think he's liking what we're doing, 'Kuya…" Renji said and reached down to find Ichigo was aroused painfully. "Well, we can continue and help you with this little problem."
"Renji, why don't you show him what you can do with that mouth of yours if he wants," Byakuya told him.
"Do you want, Ichi?" Renji said with a wide grin. "I'll show you that you don't need to go to anyone else, I'll satisfy you, we both will…"
Ichigo couldn't think straight but he nodded to him. "Yeah, you can do what you want, I've never had someone do that…"
Renji nodded and untied the obi before sliding Ichigo's hakama off his hips and kneeling down in front of him. Byakuya took the opportunity to capture Ichigo's lips again while Renji stroked Ichigo slowly before taking him into his mouth. Ichigo gasped at the sensation as Byakuya occupied his mouth. Renji went down all the way and Ichigo couldn't last after all the kissing as he felt himself crest suddenly. He looked down and gasped.
"I'm sorry!" he gasped. Renji swallowed and smirked up at him. "No, that's what I was goin' for."
"I don't think we're ready for more than that right now. Come, lie down with us and rest," Byakuya said with a slow grin as he pulled Ichigo after him. He handed him a yukata and then gave one to Renji. Ichigo slipped out of his kusodo and put on the yukata and turned to see Renji had changed as well. He was picking up all the clothes and folding them now. Byakuya took Ichigo by the hand and pulled him toward the futon.
Renji crawled into the futon and then Byakuya pulled Ichigo down between them. Byakuya pulled the cover over the three of them. Ichigo wasn't sure what to feel as he laid there between them. Was this real?
"Go to sleep, Ichigo," Byakuya said and put an arm over him. Renji rolled over and tossed one of his legs over Ichigo's leg.
Before long Ichigo had drifted off between them and Byakuya whispered to Renji.
"Perhaps we underestimated him."
"I think so," Renji answered. "We were so worried about him not being ready, we failed to see that he had needs that had to be met."
Renji reached over and interlaced his hand with Byakuya's over Ichigo's form. "He needs love. Did you notice how he reacted to being kissed? I believe that is something he has not experienced."
"Yeah, I noticed, he was into it quite a bit. I hope we aren't rushing things," Renji mused as he squeezed Byakuya's hand.
"We made the choice to move forward. We have to accept what that means. We'll take the rest of things slowly, letting him lead the way with what he wants and needs."