Chapter Nine

Stuttering Air

By the time they were back in Soul Society, it was already evening. They had used the Kuchiki senkaimon to be easier. As they came into the manor, they found Byakuya seated in the front room reading.

"I thought you were going to stay several days," he stated.

"Well, I have to go back in a week so I thought I'd come back. Urahara is handling explaining things to the girls. I have a therapist that wants to see me each week. Other than that, Kon should be able to handle things in my life for now," Ichigo explained, still clutching Renji's hand.

"Did something happen?" Byakuya was far more perceptive than Ichigo would have liked.

"Just talking about things, I think I'm going to sleep early; I'm a little exhausted," he said and finally let go of Renji's hand.

He headed to the room he had been given and flopped onto the futon. He had to think about how he was going to be a good boy for Byakuya and Renji. He liked the attention he'd been getting, and he didn't want them to decide that he was worthless all of a sudden. Or rather, in his mind, they would realize how worthless he was. He thought it was only a matter of time. He had to do what they wanted, what would make them happy. He thought that Renji liked it when he sucked him off, so maybe he could do that more for him. He wasn't sure what Byakuya liked, except for the obvious one encounter. Perhaps he should have gone to bed with them tonight, just to make sure they got anything they wanted.

Exhaustion won out, though and he soon drifted into sleep, although a fitful one of dreams.

-o-

There was his father, just outside his reach, with his back turned and walking away.

I don't need you anymore.

"Pop, please, wait!" he screamed and tried to run after him, but no matter how fast he ran, he couldn't get any closer to him. "Stop! I'm sorry! Everything is my fault, I caused all of this by doing something stupid like going to the hospital. You told me never to do that, and I did it anyway and now I've killed you!"

His father stopped but Ichigo couldn't move, held back by something. He turned around and his eyes were glowing red. Stupid boy. You aren't a good boy.

"No, I'm a good boy, I can be!" he sobbed, still unable to move toward him.

They'll figure out how worthless you are. They'll abandon you. They'll take their love and affection elsewhere. They don't need you, they have each other.

"Please, I'll do anything," he screamed at the figure who was and wasn't his father.

Your mother died for nothing. You are nothing. You'll never be more than a nothing.

Ichigo's eyes were full of tears so much he couldn't see but he also couldn't cry those tears. "Please, I love you!"

Love isn't for you, monster.

Ichigo choked back a sob and felt those words heavy in his stomach. Love? He'd been in an arrangement with Byakuya and Renji a couple days, there was no love there. It was about sex and them making sure Ichigo didn't go to others. The therapist had said so too. Risky behavior sometimes happened to people like him.

Other people are victims. You aren't a victim. You wanted what happened and you even enjoyed it.

"I'm not a monster," he whispered, heart aching. "I'm not."

You are a monster. They'll figure it out eventually.

Ichigo's eyes spilled over, and he felt like he would never stop crying as his father walked away again. He was still rooted to the spot, reaching out but unable to touch him.

Monsters have to be good boys.

-o-

Ichigo came awake with a start, sitting up and putting a hand to his chest. His heart was pounding and his face was wet. He looked over and saw the stuffed panda Rukia had left. He grabbed it and held it tightly. He was so scared right then. When would they find out that he was a monster? He couldn't let them, he had to be a good boy for them. That was the only answer. Being a good boy made his father happy, so he would have to do it again for them. The monster he was was something he had to hide.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

"What do you make of the trip to the World of the Living?" Byakuya asked as Renji watched Ichigo disappear to his own room.

"I don't know. He's been quiet since we left the police station. 'Kuya, he was thirteen and thinks that he agreed to it. How did he hide it from everyone?" Renji said as he sat down on the sofa beside Byakuya.

Byakuya was worried about the way Ichigo was acting. "What happened?"

"We met with his sisters, then went to the police station. He had to tell them what happened in a statement I think they called it, then he saw a therapist who wants to talk with him weekly from now on. He said some things in there, and I don't know what to think. He really believes that he deserved the treatment he got."

"We'll help him through it, no matter what it takes. We entered into this with one intention and that was to help him. If the physical need are too much, we satisfy them, if the emotional ones are too much, we satisfy them as well. We can only do what we must." Byakuya wondered why Ichigo had gone to his own bed even though the last two nights he stayed with them. Perhaps he needed to be alone.

The next morning, Ichigo came out for breakfast, but again was quiet. "Did you sleep well?" Byakuya asked.

"Okay, I thought I was too tired to sleep but I managed," Ichigo said with a wan smile. He was picking at his food, Byakuya noted. Renji came out a few minutes later and grabbed a piece of fruit.

"I'm heading over to the division, see you guys there," he said as he munched the fruit.

"You'll be coming to train with us today," Byakuya said in a stoic voice.

"Yeah, I'll do that," Ichigo answered, perhaps a bit too quickly.

"Is there something wrong today?" Byakuya asked with a frown.

"No, I'm fine," he said and Byakuya caught a shade of sadness in his voice. Something was off and he was going to have to be wary of it. With everything he'd gone through, any change in behavior was alarming.

"When you are done with breakfast, we'll join Renji at the sixth. I'll be back in a few minutes," Byakuya said as he went to retrieve his Zanpakutō from the weapons rack. He noticed that Ichigo looked like he hadn't slept well, so he would keep his training to a minimum today.

When he returned, he found Ichigo hadn't eaten much more but was sitting still waiting for him. Byakuya sighed, wondering what was going on in his head. He would be so much easier to deal with if he just talked about what was going on. He supposed that was a lot to ask, though.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

"Sure," Ichigo responded, Byakuya thought a tad too quickly.

Byakuya led him out and they walked to the sixth. Ichigo stayed behind him, he noticed. He led him to the training area where sixth division people were already working on training under Renji's direction.

"Ichigo, why don't you join up with the ranks and do some training," Byakuya said and headed into the building.

Byakuya got to his office and sat down, glancing over at the mountain of paperwork on Renji's desk and smirked. He'd be a while getting that done. He hoped that Ichigo did well with the training session outside. After a couple hours, he heard the door open and Renji came in. He glared at the stack of paperwork and muttered "Ichigo owes me," under his breath as he sat down and got to work.

"Did Ichigo do well?" Byakuya asked as Renji started working.

"Oh, yeah, he was doing fine. I left him with them to work on some sword techniques. You can tell he's been at the eleventh, he's all power and no style right now. I think he could do quite beautiful sword work given some time and training."

"You certain leaving him alone is a good idea?" Byakuya asked, looking up at the window. He could just see him sparring with another seated member.

"He'll be fine, after all, he does need the work on style," Renji commented.

-oooooo-OOOOOO-oooooo-

Ichigo was sure he was going to screw up as he sparred with one of the seated officers. Things were different here than the eleventh. There was more emphasis on technique and style rather than just all out power. He'd never received formal training beyond what Urahara had given him, so this was new and interesting. He picked up the skills quickly, he thought, until he heard someone comment about how bad his form was to someone else. Great, he couldn't even get this right, he thought to himself.

By the time it was lunch, he realized he had no idea where to go for food. He figured that he would ask Renji or Byakuya. He was nearly to the office when someone put an arm around his shoulder. He blinked and looked at the strange person.

"What do you need?" he said, feeling somewhat nervous at this strange person touching him.

"I heard you had a tryst with Ikkaku from the eleventh. Was wondering if that was an open door or just special for him." The man was not one of the seated officers and was rather tall, at least three or four inches taller than Ichigo, with blonde hair and light blue eyes.

"Um, it wasn't like that, I'm friends with Ikkaku."

"No, see, a friend of mine swears he saw you going into one of the empty barracks over there with him. There's no reason for you to do that unless it was to hook up. I can't see Ikkaku as anything but a top, so that means you…aren't a top…" he leaned in closer. "And I think you like it rough, too, otherwise you wouldn't go with someone like Ikkaku. Now, I can keep it to myself, or I can help spread a rumor or two, now wouldn't that be too bad?"

Ichigo gasped. "What? Are you actually blackmailing me?"

"Well, it sure isn't just asking politely, now is it?" he said. "I'm interested in the most powerful Shinigami who defeated Aizen, wouldn't that be a notch in the bedpost for me…"

"I don't…I mean, no!" Ichigo reached up and pushed his arm off of him. "I'm not going to do something with you just because you're threatening to spread rumors about me. No one would believe them, and if Bya-Kuchiki-taichou heard about it you would be in trouble. And how do I know you won't do it anyway if I did do something with you?"

"Now why would the taichou care about rumors? Think about it. I'll wait a little while, but then, people are going to find out what kind of man you are, or aren't." He put a hand on Ichigo's shoulder and smirked. "I won't tell a soul, promise, just be a good boy for me."

At the words, Ichigo felt his heart hammer and he wondered if he was making a mistake by turning this guy down. He, for just a moment, stepped toward him, looking lost and feeling alone.

"I-I am not doing anything with you." He swallowed hard and wondered if he was making the right choice.

"I'll let you think on it. Tick-tock, I'll be waiting at the ramen place you went to before tonight. Yeah, my friend was there too. He was a little drunk and followed you. Now, just do what you know is right and accept my offer. I can do more than that for you."

He turned and left Ichigo standing dumbfounded. He just threatened to spread rumors about him if he didn't have sex with him. He couldn't believe this. He was definitely being punished for his attempt with Ikkaku because now someone had seen them going into the empty barracks. That was a problem. He licked his lips and wondered how he was going to get out of this without having to give some stranger Shinigami a blow job or something. It wasn't like he couldn't do it, but he didn't want to do it with anyone except Byakuya and Renji. He shook his head, wondering what harm a few rumors would cause him.

He knocked on the office door and heard Byakuya say to enter. He opened it and went in, seeing Renji behind a literal mountain of paperwork. He hadn't been kidding when he said he'd have a lot to do. Ichigo still wondered what payback he would have to offer to him.

"I wasn't sure how lunch worked," he said timidly as he stood just inside the doorway.

"I'll have something brought to us," he said as he got up to go to the door.

Ichigo guessed he was going to tell someone to bring them food. He went and sat down on a sofa that was in the middle of the office. He felt out of place in the sixth division, but what could he do? He needed to listen to Byakuya and Renji. He needed to be near them just in case he could do something for one of them. He was still thinking about the threat and wondering if he should tell Renji and Byakuya when there was a knock at the door. A low ranking shinigami brought in a tray and sat it on Byakuya's desk.

"Will that be all, Kuchiki-taichou?" the short, young Shinigami asked.

"That's it," Byakuya responded, waving his hand to dismiss the young man.

"What did they bring up today…" Renji said as he looked over the three boxes that had been brought to them. "Looks like someone got creative with the bento boxes…"

Renji took one and grabbed a second. He went over where Ichigo was sitting and handed it to him with a smile. "Here you go, 'Kuya eats over at his desk, so do I usually but today I'll sit with you."

Ichigo nodded, feeling his cheeks heat at Renji's closeness. He felt like a school girl around them. He started picking at the bento without really eating much of it. His stomach was twisted into knots over the encounter with the other Shinigami.

"You need to eat if you're gonna finish the day," Renji said as he was half done with his box.

"Oh, okay," Ichigo said and started eating little bits.

Renji finished his and then looked at Ichigo where he was studiously not eating much of it and just moving his food around.

"Gimme that," Renji snapped and took the bento from him.

Ichigo gasped a little and looked at him. He took his chopsticks and picked up some food and held it up to Ichigo's mouth. "If ya aren't gonna eat, I'll feed it to ya."

Ichigo flushed and let Renji feed him from the bento he was now holding. For some reason, it felt nice to be getting the attention.

"You're going to spoil him," Byakuya said from his desk. "Then what will you do with a spoiled brat?"

"I don't think Ichigo could be a brat, Taichou. I think he can take a little spoiling now and then," he stated as he fed Ichigo the rest of the food from the box.

Ichigo had no choice but to eat it because that's what Renji wanted him to do. He knew he should have eaten on his own, but there was something incredibly intimate about being fed by Renji. He felt like they'd shared a moment.

Renji leaned in after he'd set the bento boxes aside and touched Ichigo's lips lightly with a finger tip. "Do I get somethin' for feedin' ya?"

Ichigo guessed he wanted a kiss, so he leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. Renji though had other ideas and took the opportunity to pull him close and lick the seam of his mouth. Ichigo opened and let him inside and they spent the next few minutes in a slow kiss that Ichigo was beginning to worry someone would catch them.

"I swear, you young ones," Byakuya said with a sigh. "Don't sit there all day, you still have work to do, Abarai."

"Alright, alright," Renji said as he broke contact with Ichigo and smirked. "We'll continue that later back at the manor."

Ichigo nodded, not sure how to feel as he watched Renji go back to his desk and the paperwork. He wondered what he should do. If he went out to the training ground again, he might run into the Shinigami who threatened him. He didn't know for sure, though, if he could stay in here. It wasn't like he was an actual member of the Gotei 13.

Finally, Byakuya looked over. "Are you going to train with the group this afternoon, or are you exhausted for the day?"

Ichigo stood up quickly, swallowing and nodding at Byakuya. "I'll go train some more. I could use the practice on form and swordplay. I…I was never taught much about sword work and I kind of suck at it."

"You'll improve. The members of the division that are out there this afternoon are some younger ones, so they might be closer to your current skill level," Byakuya said. "Renji, why don't you take him and introduce him to the group."

"Alright," Renji said and stood up. "Well, come on then."

Ichigo followed behind him out to the training field. Thankfully, he didn't see the Shinigami that had approached him. Renji talked to the seated officer in charge of training and then came back to Ichigo.

"You don't push yourself too hard. If you start to feel exhausted, stop and come back to the office," Renji told him with a serious look. "I don't want any other trips to the fourth because you didn't listen to your limits."

"Okay, I will," Ichigo nodded again, and he hoped that he was doing the right things so far.

Ichigo trained the rest of the day, finding this group much closer to his skill level with form and swordplay. The seated officer even commended him for his improvement just during their short training session. He went in and found Renji and Byakuya still doing paperwork.

"Done?" Renji asked as he put down a paper.

"Yeah, he dismissed everyone," he told him.

"Taichou, are you done for the night yet?" Renji asked, standing up and stretching his arms over his head. His mountain of paperwork was significantly smaller now.

"Yes, I believe so. Let's return for dinner. Rukia is coming by tonight to have dinner with us, and I thought it might be a good idea to let her know how you're doing," Byakuya spoke as he stood up.

Ichigo again followed behind them. Renji walked beside Byakuya and they were silent all the way back to the manor. Ichigo went to the bath first, feeling grimy after training outside most of the day. Renji didn't follow him this time and for that he was glad. He needed a little time to himself after being around everyone all day. Still he worried over what that guy had said. He wasn't going to meet him, that was for sure. He would just have to worry about him making good on his threat to start rumors about him. He didn't know what effect it would have on things, but he couldn't imagine rumors being something that spread far in a place like the sixth division.

He got out of the bath and put on a yukata but realized he had no idea where to put his shihakuso. He took it to his room and put it away with Zangetsu. He headed to the dining room to find Rukia already there. He smiled at her as she got up and hugged him.

"I'm glad you're doing better," she told him. "Nii-sama said that you trained with the sixth today. How did you like it?"

"Well, at first I felt out of place since I don't know much about actual form and style with swords, but by this afternoon, the officer that was running the training said I was improving. It's a lot different than just swinging as hard as you can and trying to overpower your opponent," Ichigo explained as they both sat down at the table.

The dinner went well, mostly with idle chatter about what was happening in both divisions. Ichigo didn't talk a lot, and picked at his food until he saw Renji glaring at him. He figured he better eat properly or he'd be in trouble with Renji, and he didn't want that.

Good boys do what they're told.

He could do what he was told. That was easy, and so far today had gone well, except for the blackmailing situation. He still debated telling Byakuya about it. He didn't even know the name of the shinigami. He couldn't though, it was embarrassing. And what could Byakuya do about it anyway? He couldn't stop the guy from talking. He put it out of his mind for now. He'd deal with it tomorrow. Right now, he was going to have to see what was expected of him.

Byakuya had the dishes cleared and chatted with Rukia about a few things before she said she needed to go to the barracks for the night. Renji got up and came around, putting his hands on Ichigo's shoulders.

"Did ya wanna continue what we started in the office?" he asked.

He swallowed and nodded. Renji took his hand and led him to the bedroom. Ichigo barely got in the room before Renji was on him, hands roaming all over. He was shocked a little at the suddenness of the attention, but soon he was locked in a kiss with him again. He felt the obi come of and Renji pushed the yukata off his shoulders, trying not to break the kiss as he did it. It wasn't completely successful, but he tried.

"Ah, where's Byakuya?" Ichigo breathed realizing they were alone.

"He'll be along, he has clan head things to do," Renji said as he steered him to the futon and pushed him down on his back. Ichigo blinked as he crawled up beside him and started to suck on one of his nipples.

Ichigo jerked, not sure if he liked that sensation, but then it felt kind of nice and he was getting that heady feeling. He felt Renji slide his hand down and start stroking him with agonizing slowness while he licked and sucked at his nipples, one after the other. He arched as Renji's hand slipped underneath and began to slide fingers into him.

"I think you might get to the point you don't need much prep," Renji noted as he twisted two fingers into him, searching for his prostate. Ichigo gasped and felt a rush to his cock. "We keep doing this enough, you'll get used to it," he breathed as he stretched him out, taking his time and teasing him in the front as he did it. "I'd take more time, but I'm impatient today."

Ichigo nodded, gasping as he worked a third finger into him. He gasped and felt something he didn't understand rush through him. He was being a good boy. Renji would think he was a good boy if he just let him do whatever he wanted even if he didn't like it. So far, Renji wasn't doing anything he didn't like, so that was easy.

Renji moved up between his legs, rubbing against him for a few seconds before he reached in the yukata's pocket and pulled out a small jar. He opened it and it smelled fragrant. He dipped a finger in and then coated himself with it, looking down with hooded eyes. He adjusted and pressed into him. Ichigo arched a little but it didn't hurt at all. He was thicker than Byakuya, and both were bigger… He pushed the thoughts away again. He didn't want them right now as Renji slowly slid in and of him while looking down on him with those dark eyes.

Ichigo felt he was close and he wondered how long he needed to hold on to make Renji happy. He gasped out, "I'm close, don't move so fast."

Renji slowed down even more and smirked at him. "We don't want to end too fast, do we?"

Ichigo shook his head and moaned as Renji slid right against his sweet spot. Ichigo heard the door open and close and saw Byakuya had come in. He came over and sat down on the futon beside Ichigo and Renji. He leaned over and ran his hand over Ichigo's head as he looked down into his eyes. "How's Renji, Ichigo?"

"Good, good," he gasped as Renji reached down and grabbed the base of Ichigo's cock just as he was about to crest. Ichigo whined, tears springing to his eyes as Byakuya continued to stroke his hair.

"There, now, you want to come?" Byakuya asked as Renji held him with one hand and worked in and out faster.

"P-please!" he begged as he felt another wave of pleasure build to a point of crashing into him again. Renji let go of him and he nearly yelled as he came, clamping down on Renji. Renji gasped and couldn't hold on any longer as he fell down the pleasant crest, thrusting shallowly a couple times until he came.

Ichigo panted as Renji moved to pull out but then leaned down to kiss him, slowly exploring Ichigo's mouth as he laid down on the futon beside him.

"Well, there you've had your fun, I need to sleep, so clean up your mess," Byakuya said as he stood up.

Renji stopped kissing Ichigo long enough to stick his tongue out at Byakuya's back before he resumed kissing him. He the got up and got the wash cloth to clean them both off.

"You okay?" Renji asked as he wiped Ichigo's belly with the warm cloth.

"Yeah, great," Ichigo said with a smile Renji thought looked fake.

"Are you sure? Did something happen today?" Renji wondered at why Ichigo was acting off. He glanced over to Byakuya to see him listening. "Something did happen, what was it?" Renji propped himself up on one arm and looked down at Ichigo.

"It was nothing important…" he started.

"Yes, what is it?" Byakuya said as Ichigo got up and fixed the yukata with his back toward both of them. "You've been acting somewhat of since lunchtime."

Ichigo didn't want to tell them, but how could he not, now? "Just, this guy came up to me and said that he knew about what happened with Ikkaku, that his friend had followed us that night, and he said he was going to tell people if I didn't do what he wanted…"

"And what did he want?" Renji asked.

"You know…" Ichigo said and looked away. "I told him no, that wasn't going to happen."

"This may be a problem," Byakuya sighed. "Depending on who it is and what exactly he says. Did he say when he was going to tell people about it?"

"He said to meet him tonight at the ramen place I met Ikkaku at."

"Rumors go through the Serietei like a virus," Byakuya muttered with a sigh. "You should have told me right away. Can you point him out if you see him again?"

"If I see him. He was taller than me with blond hair and blue eyes. Other than that, he looked like the rest of the Shinigami."

"I don't know who that is off hand," Renji said with a frown.

"I'm sure he won't do anything, what good would it do him?" Ichigo said and sat back down on the futon.

Of course, the rumors would have more of an effect than any of them realized.