Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls is the creation of Amy Sherman-Palladino.

CHAPTER 35: The Tao of Yoda

Interstate 95 Westbound, Connecticut Turnpike, Saturday, May 27, 2017, 12:30 pm EST

"So how was dinner with Endora and the Dark Lord?"

Logan, frowning, glanced into the rearview mirror to meet Finn's eyes. The fact that he didn't say a word wasn't lost on either of his two friends.

"That good, huh?" asked Colin. "What happened?"

"What happened..." Logan repeated those words before letting out a humorless chuckle. "I'll tell you what happened. The reason I didn't know about Lucas until last week was because somebody blocked Rory on my phone."

"What?"

"The Dark Lord?"

Logan shook his head. "Shira. She confessed last night." Speeding up, Logan checked the sideview mirror before changing lanes. "Rory and I bumped into my dad at the Dexter House last spring. Months later I'm there with my parents. I step away from the table. Mitchum tells Shira about seeing me there with Rory. He leaves to go talk to someone. Shira picks up my phone and blocks Rory. She did it to teach me a lesson. Figured the next time I went to call Rory, I'd see her number was blocked and -I don't know - I'd somehow know she was the one who did it and I'd confront her. Her plan was to let me know what a philandering fuck-up I was."

"That's unbelievable."

"Yeah."

"What did Mother say when you told her?"

Logan remained silent. The million dollar question. What the hell would Rory say if- no, when - he told her? He had to tell her. He knew that. He would tell her. Christ, even Mitchum said he had to tell her.

The truth shall set you free.

More like the truth will set Rory fleeing for freedom. Again. Away from him. Again.

And him? He'd be left with words. Meaningless words. A custody agreement and a shelf full of "co-parenting" books.

And Lucas a small voice reminded him. A smile played at his lips. Lucas...

"Logan?"

"You didn't tell Rory?"

At his silence, his friends had their answer.

"Mate, you have to tell her. What does she think happened?"

"She knows someone blocked her on my phone." Logan sighed as he changed lanes again. "I thought it was Odette."

"So Rory thinks it was Odette? Because of your suspicions and no proof? And since last night you haven't told her the truth?"

With all his worrying and neuroses, becoming a lawyer was a no-brainer for Colin. Besides, someone had to keep on top of the trade laws to make sure Andrew McCrea didn't slip up. The senior McCrea liked to do as he pleased as much as Mitchum did, legalities be damned.

"Not exactly. Rory thought it was Mitchum."

"This just gets better," muttered Colin.

"Living vicariously through you is very stressful, Logan." Finn sighed. "I'm exhausted and it's only...uh...daylight."

"No kidding."

"I have an idea." A suspiciously brightened Finn suddenly sang out. "As long as we're going to the city, we should stop in and visit my friend the farmer."

"You mean your dealer." Colin shook his head. "Not a good idea. I don't like it at all."

"The man built his own hydroponic farm from the ground up, Colin. I think that warrants a bit more respect than you're giving him. So he chooses to grow marijuana. Doesn't negate the fact that he's actually quite brilliant."

Logan exhaled loudly. He'd probably live to regret it but after the night he'd had, the crap he needed to figure out and the only distraction to look forward to an afternoon with Paris Geller, visiting Finn's farmer friend sounded like a grand idea.

"Where's your 'farmer' live?"

Geller-McMaster Residence, Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn, New York, 4:30 PM

"What the hell happened to you? You were supposed to get here over two hours ago."

"Nothing happened Paris. Traffic."

Paris grunted. "Right. What'd you do? Stop at a bar? Strip club? You afraid I'll tell Rory?"

"I'm not afraid of anything, Paris. We didn't do anything wrong."

"We?"

Paris swung open the door to her brownstone. For the first time, she saw the other two men crowded on her front stoop.

"You brought your fan club. Larry." She nodded at Colin. "Curly." At Finn. "I think of you two regularly. Whenever I peruse the 'Indictments' and 'Deaths' sections of the alumni news."

"Thank you. We don't think of you at all."

"How's that munchkin you adopted?"

"Munchkin?"

"I think Colin's referring to Doyle, Paris."

"How dare you call my husband a munchkin." Paris glared at the offending Colin. "He's taller than that. Anyway, he's fine. He took the kids to the zoo with Terence, our marriage counselor."

"And how's business? Scare any babies back into the womb lately?"

"Please. At least I made something of myself. You're Australia's most pointless export since INXS."

"I take offense at that! Personally I think you missed your calling. You'd do quite well as the new Dr. Kevorkian." One of Finn's eyebrows danced upward as he gave Colin a meaningful look.

"Good point, Finn," nodded Colin. "She wouldn't even have to assist. She could just inspire. After a dose of her bedside manner, her patients would be highly motivated to off themselves."

"Exactly!"

"Enough, already!" Logan rolled his eyes. Was this what Rory had to deal with when it was him and Paris? "So, Paris...where's the crib and stuff?"

"This way."

As Paris stepped into the house, the three men followed her inside.

Nice place, thought Logan. He'd never been to the Paris-Doyle marital home. It was obvious a family lived there. An insane family but a family nonetheless. He felt a pang of envy.

Paris pointed to the staircase. "This place is five stories. Once you get to the top floor, the door all the way to the right is a storage room. Some of the stuff's in that room. The rest is in the attic. There's a rope pull to get the steps to the attic to drop down. It's not a full height attic. You'll have to crawl."

"Goody!" replied Colin. "Hear that, Finn? There's a rope at the end of this!"

"And crawling. Don't forget the crawling. Too bad Robert's not here. He likes to crawl."

"Like a good part of your life hasn't been spent on your knees!"

"I'd say the best part of my life has been spent on my knees!" quipped Finn.

"Ew. Dear God." Paris shuddered. "Spare me the details of your debauchery-filled lives."

Logan and Paris hung back as Colin and Finn slowly made their way up the stairs.

"So how's the manning up going, Huntzberger?"

Grimacing, Logan's eyes cut to meet Paris's.

"That good, huh?"

The two followed behind Colin and Finn. Logan found he didn't have it in him to run up stairs, no matter how badly he wanted to put distance between himself and Paris.

"Don't you dare hurt her."

"I'm not planning on hurting her."

"You didn't 'plan' on getting her pregnant, either. Did you?"

Sighing, Logan shook his head. "No."

"Last week, Doyle and I watched 'Star Wars' with the kids. 'Common Sense Media' says they're still a little young, but I figure, hey, they live in New York. They see stranger stuff at the park. Besides now that Doyle's a screenwriter, it's only a matter of time before they're watching his movies. Might as well get them started on the good stuff. I can't be the only one trying to keep him honest."

"Is there a point to this, Paris?"

"The point is this, Huntzberger: 'Do or do not. There is no try'. The tao of Yoda. You comprende?"

"Yes. I understand."

"Thank God. I wouldn't give your friends a second thought but I'd hope you - at least- would be as smart as a pre-schooler."

Hartford, Connecticut, 42 North Main, 9:30 PM

Hours later Logan knocked on Rory's door. They hadn't talked at all during the day, their communication limited to a few texts. He hated every minute of his day - even the stop at Finn's farmer had been a bust. The man had apparently moved to Colorado -presumably to go legit -without informing Finn. It hadn't occurred to Finn to try calling the farmer until after they'd wasted an hour driving around the farmer's former neighborhood waiting for Finn to recognize the house by sight or smell. As much of a crap-pile the day had been, Logan was grateful that it had kept him busy. As it was, it hadn't kept him busy enough.

Too much time to dwell on his problems, but not enough time to solve them.

"Hey Ace."

"Hey. Finally. You. Didn't see you at all last night. Got a glimpse for all of five minutes this morning. Not avoiding me, are you Huntzberger?"

Rory was smiling. Was there a chance she actually believed what she was saying? Was he avoiding her?

Yes.

"Hell, no." Smirking, he dropped a light kiss on her lips. "How'd it go at the hospital? Junior behave?"

"Yes. It went fine. We both missed you though."

"I missed the two of you too. Definitely preferable company to Colin, Finn, and Paris."

"Aw, flatterer."

At Rory's gesture that he come in, Logan made his way inside her apartment. With the exception of the bonus room that provided access to the roof, Rory's unit was the mirror image of his apartment. Following her lead, he walked through the apartment to the living room at the front. Glancing out at the night sky, he took a seat on the sofa. Rory perched next to him, one leg folded under the other.

"How was the visit with Paris?"

"'How was the visit with Paris?' she asks. You know you're a sadist."

"What? Why?"

"Why? You're kidding, right? You sent me on a six hour round-trip drive to New York with Colin and Finn -"

"Your two best friends-"

"Notwithstanding, they can be a handful on car rides. Hungry. Thirsty. Need a bathroom. Need to smell western Connecticut. Then with the traffic, it just became so incredibly long -"

"A hero's journey."

Logan barked out a laugh. "Hardly. I think Old Joe would've tossed Finn out at New Haven."

"I kinda hope Joseph Campbell would be a little more zen than that. Anyway, so what happened? Colin and Finn were fine on the ride to New Hampshire."

"Of course they were fine on the ride to New Hampshire. They were also shit-faced and high. And Paris wasn't there."

"Oh. Now, that would've been something. Paris in the rumble seat. So, you tell her you agree with her Jung theory?"

"What do you think?"

"Yeah, I figured." A big smile suddenly spread across her face. Rubbing her hands together like a little kid, she nodded excitedly. "Okay, so what'd we get? Tell me about Paris's booty."

"'Paris's booty'? There's something very wrong with you."

"Ah, come on! Tell me what we got!"

"It's Christmas in July to you, isn't it?"

"No! I know it's only May. You know how much I love a good deal! And it's from Paris so it's all but guaranteed to be top-of-the-line baby gear, even if it is a few years old. She had two of everything so some of it's barely used. By recycling and not buying new we're keeping perfectly good baby gear from winding up in a landfill somewhere. And the only reason Paris and Doyle even still had all that stuff is because they could never find anyone willing to go upstairs to get it. So I figure we scored big time!"

"So no one on the eastern seaboard was willing to spend an afternoon of their life going up and down Paris's stairs until me, Colin and Finn arrived on her doorstep?"

"Pretty much."

"You saying we're suckers?"

Rory didn't respond. She just smiled benignly. Logan, Colin, and Finn had sacrificed their knees so they could reuse the Geller-McMaster baby gear. The three of them would've happily kicked in five - ten - thousand a piece if it would've spared them spending their day the way they had. But they all loved Rory and old habits were hard to break. And she wanted to do it this way.

"You know something, Ace?"

"What?"

"I think it was worth every minute of the pain and aggravation. But if we do wind up in the hospital getting knee surgery, promise me you'll sic the male nurses on Finn. Colin already had his share. And I..."

"You what?"

"I kinda got spoiled by the caregiver I had the last time I was in the hospital."

"Oh, you did? Did you?"

"You bet."

"You got yourself a deal, Huntzberger."

"Thank you."

Rory smiled. "So...?"

"Right," nodded Logan. "We got something called a SNOO Smart Sleeper -"

"Ooh! They're backordered for months! That's great! But why would she even have that? Her kids are too old. It just came out."

"Apparently the doctor who invented it is -as Paris put it -a blatant, unrepentant sales whore. He's trying to get her to promote stuff so he gives her freebies. We're supposed to put Lucas in it, read the 1000-page instruction manual, and report back on how he sleeps."

"Sounds good. What else? Car seat? Stroller?"

"Yes. And yes. Some other stuff too. Books. DVDs."

"Cool. Was Doyle there?"

"Doyle was at the zoo with the kids and Terence, their marriage counselor."

"Terence? Terence their marriage counselor? You're kidding!" Rory, an amazed look on her face, chuckled.

"Why's that surprise you? I would've put money on those two having a team of marriage counselors."

"Paris had a life coach during college named Terence. I guess you never meet him?"

Small favors. "No, Ace."

"Anyway, I always thought he was a bit creepy but he worked wonders for Paris. If you'd known her at Chilton, you'd have seen that she actually mellowed quite a bit at Yale."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Terence went to jail for writing fake scripts. But then he got out. Oh, but then he might've been brought up on charges for credit card fraud. I honestly lost track. I wonder if it's the same Terence?"

"I have no idea. So, the stuff's all down in the storage room. Just call the doormen. They'll bring it up whenever you're ready."

"Great. Though the car seat needs to go in the car because we have to bring it to the hospital. For Lucas to be released he has to be able to breathe okay in the car seat. So we bring the car seat in and put him in it, and the doctors will monitor his breathing. And they also have someone on staff who'll make sure we know how to assemble the car seat and install it properly in the car."

"Speaking of, does the doctor still think he'll be out this week?"

"Yeah," she nodded happily.

Rory had apparently exhausted everything she'd wanted to ask about Logan's day and everything she'd wanted to say about the baby gear; she fell silent. As Logan watched her face, he saw the gradual transition from light-hearted to serious. And he figured he knew what was coming.

Please don't.

"Logan?"

"Yeah, Ace?"

"How'd the family dinner go? I talked to Honor earlier - you know - about the plans for tomorrow. I asked her about the dinner. She just said it went well."

Logan knew -logically - that he had to tell Rory the truth about what had happened with his parents. But he was still in shock over it. He was suffering from Huntzberger overload. He was fully aware of the fact that he was royally screwed; he just hadn't yet processed all the ways in which he was royally screwed.

Shira. Custody agreement.

"Dinner was fine."

"Did you talk to Mitchum about the article?"

Logan had to force back a sarcastic laugh. Here was a question he could actually answer honestly.

"Yeah, Ace. I did. No more article. Don't give it another thought."

"What?! That's it?! No article?!"

"That's it! No article."

"Thank God!" Rory threw her arms around him. "That's such good news! So the dinner was okay?"

"Yeah, Ace." Logan reciprocated her hug, breathing in the scent of her hair. If only him saying it could make it true. "The dinner was okay."

"I'm so glad! Sunday was horrible but maybe we turned a corner."

He held her tight.

"Maybe we did, Ace."

AN: Snap. Oh, Logan! Why? Next chap is LoRoLu. My hope is to finish ITMH by end of the year. After that I may be assigned to the field for work. If I am, I'll try to work on WITS while I'm away but I'm not sure I'll be able to post.

10/18/2017