Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls is the creation of Amy Sherman-Palladino.
Chapter 43: Three O'Clock at the Oasis
Stars Hollow, Connecticut, Dragonfly Annex, Front Parlour, Tuesday, June 27, 2017, 2:40 pm EST
Tuesday saw the arrival of Colin, Finn and Robert. Converging in Hartford from their disparate points of origin, they drove down together to Stars Hollow arriving after lunch. Logan had texted the crew the plans and all were on board with the proposed Oasis outing. Logan appreciated that his friends were usually flexible and amenable to his ideas; it would, however, be nice if they could, on occasion, be on time. Except for Robert. He preferred Robert be late.
As Colin, Finn, and Robert were supposed to meet him in the Dragonfly's lobby at two-thirty, he'd come downstairs with Lucas a few minutes before their appointed time. Waiting already for fifteen minutes, he was getting annoyed. The only silver lining -if it truly could be considered that - was the fact that their tardiness gave him an opportunity to talk more with Michel.
"There was one time - that I remember. We were snowed in. It was a long time ago but you do not forget such things. There was no coffee and Lorelai -in the guise of bussing tables - poured other people's backwash coffee into her cup." Frowning, Michel shook his head with obvious disgust. "She is a very sick woman." Michel raised his eyes to Logan. "Is it any wonder she married her supplier, the Brawny Man?"
"I've never thought of it that way, Michel. I mean, I knew Luke owned the diner, but -"
Michel grunted. "You'll see. Now that you are part of the Hot Mess Family." At the ringing of the phone on the counter, Michel looked down. "Speak of the She-devil."
[Into phone.] "Hello...Yes. We are fine here..." As Logan watched, Michel rolled his eyes. "Yes, yes." Michel impatiently drummed his fingers on the front desk. "I take it back. It is so miserable without you. It's almost like having you here." Michel glared as he continued to listen to Lorelai. "That is not an age appropriate response. Goodbye." Done, he hung up the phone.
Turning his attention back to Logan, he spoke again. "The baby is cute. But are you sure this is what you want?"
Logan was spared the need to respond to Michel by the much-anticipated arrival of his friends. Colin, Finn, and Robert soon joined Logan and Lucas at the front desk.
"Morning, Logan. Lucas."
"Huntz."
Michel stared at Finn. "Do I know you?"
Finn, momentarily confused, studied Michel's face before shrugging.
"Colin, Robert, Finn. Have you met Michel Ger-?" Before Logan had a chance to finish the introductions, Finn excitedly interrupted him.
"Logan!" he yelped. "What the hell are you wearing?"
"It's my son, Finn. Pretty sure you met him."
"But...My God! You're a mangaroo."
"A what?" asked Logan. Logan glanced at Michel, noting the man avidly viewing the spectacle he and his friends currently presented. "We should get out of Michel's way."
"Oh, no. Do not leave on my account. People watching is my favorite pastime. Second only to planting seeds of insecurity in the Hot Mess."
Colin, Finn, and Robert followed Logan away from the front desk into the adjacent parlor.
"So? Finn? You were saying?"
"You're a mangaroo. You know. It's like a kangaroo. Only it's a mangaroo."
"So what if I am?"
"Finn, you're not looking at this the right way," argued Colin. "It's all about leveraging strategic assets."
"What are you talking about, Colin?"
"Colin's right. Huntz will be a chick magnet," agreed Robert. "Everyone knows babies are even better than dogs for attracting those of the feminine persuasion."
"See? Robert's got it." confirmed Colin.
"You have no idea how much it pains me to hear you say that." Finn, frowning, scanned the room before settling his thoughtful gaze back on Logan and Lucas. "It's not like Logan needs to attract the ladies."
"Not unless he's looking for Rory to kick him in the mangaroo," muttered Robert.
"Well, if we're in agreement on that, then how about I wear him?" Finn leaned in to talk to Lucas. "Logan Jr. wanna play mangeroo with Uncle Finny?"
Cringing, Logan shook his head. "Man! That is so disturbing."
"Yes," agreed Colin. "And that's without him even trying. Imagine if he was going for 'Chester-the-Molester'?"
Grinning, Logan lifted his eyes up to his Australian friend. "Finn. Lucas stays with me. Maybe - maybe - after you've been sprayed and deloused - we'll let you hold him for a minute. Now. Come on. You guys were ten minutes late. We got to get a move on."
"How are we getting there?" asked Finn, still looking at the baby.
"Walking."
"What?!" Finn's head shot up. "Again?!"
Stars Hollow, Connecticut, The Oasis, Tuesday, June 27, 2017, 3:05 pm EST
Logan's concern that they would be late for their scheduled walk-through with Kirk was allayed by the fact that since Stars Hollow was the epitome of a small town it required only ten minutes to walk from the center of town to the house. That was even with factoring in Finn's meandering, Colin's suspicious glancing, and Robert's sardonic griping.
Once they'd reached the destination Logan noted Kirk sitting in a car parked out in front of the house. Although the man looked up and obviously saw the group standing in front of the house, he made no move to get out of the car. Instead, he continued to sit, his head bent over, deeply engrossed in jotting down notes in a notepad.
Shrugging, Logan took advantage of the extra few minutes to examine the house exterior. It was a relatively nondescript house. The entrance decor was dated, characterized by stones. The siding was a plain white, the shutters another shade of white. The house's brown roof clashed with the dark grey of the porch's roof. With it's myriad of mismatched details, it was obvious the house had been a rental for years. But the front lawn was gorgeous and green, with an attractive yet unfussy collection of trees, bushes, and plants. A two story colonial, it offered space but wasn't pretentious. While dated, the house had good bones. Ultimately, it looked comfortable.
Looking at the house, Logan understood the appeal it held for Rory. He knew Lorelai's house was around the corner. He understood how Rory, acting under the belief that Logan would not be involved in her and Lucas's lives, would choose to stay here for the first couple of years of their son's life. It was comfortable. It was around the corner from Luke and Lorelai's. After a year of surprises, it provided some stability.
"So you're Rory's baby daddy."
The sound of Kirk speaking to him drew Logan out of his reverie. He turned to meet the gaze of Stars Hollow's 'renaissance man.'
"Yeah." Logan nodded. "Logan Huntzberger."
"You're the Stars Hollow Mr. Snuffleupagus, you know."
"No. I didn't know. What's that?" Logan shot a questioning look at Colin, Finn, and Robert who had joined them.
"Mr. Snuffleupagus was a lovable wooley mammoth-like creature on Sesame Street. Only Big Bird could see him," explained Kirk. "Until Season 17 and then everybody could see him. I'm one of those people who believes that was the point Sesame Street jumped the shark. A lot of people believe it was when Elmo joined the show. But I definitely think it was due to Mr. Snuffleupagus's over-exposure."
"Ah, right." Logan nodded awkwardly.
"Mr. Snuffleupagus was cool, Logan," Colin assured him. "How do you not know him?"
"We even had 'Sesame Street' in Australia. Dark Lord have you watching 'MacNeil/Lehrer News Hour' instead?"
"Very funny."
"Oh, and I should tell you," continued Kirk. "Since we spent so much time debating your existence we did conjecture quite a bit about Rory."
"What?"
"Oh, not that any of us seriously regarded Rory as being -you know - simpatico with Mary. Like it could be a virginal birth thing. But a few of us did ponder whether it could've been a single-process type thing."
"Excuse me?" Logan's mouth dropped. Was this guy saying what he thought he was saying?
"You know. Like Komodo dragons. The females don't have to have sex with a male to become impregnated. They just do it to themselves. Then they lay eggs that hatch into offspring."
Momentarily stunned, Logan could only stare at Kirk.
"Rory the subject of an immaculate conception with Logan in the room! Ah! That would be a true miracle!" Finn laughed.
"They had sex. Believe me. I bought the inn. Their room had to be hosed down and the bed replaced," Colin asserted.
"I think I just threw up a little in my mouth," Robert commented. "Huntz, could I get one of those tissues?"
"Will you three shut it? I'm regretting bringing you."
"I'm regretting it too," mumbled Robert.
"Kirk. I think we need to start talking about the house. Fast."
"Oh. Right."
"I say? Mr. Kirk? Before we start, where's your pig?" asked Finn.
"Petal had to go home. She had chores she needed to finish." Kirk turned and pointed to a house across the street. "Behind that house is Lorelai's house. You can see the roof from here. Have you ever noticed how Lorelai's house seems big on the outside but then once you're inside you realize it's actually tiny?"
"No. I can't say that I have."
"Hm. Anyway, I've wondered if it doesn't have secret rooms in it like the Winchester Mystery House."
"That's fascinating, Kirk. I'll be sure to take room measurements next time I'm in there."
"That would be terrific if you could do that. Of course my other theory is that the house contains a portal to another dimension. Like Fae. Or perhaps Narnia. I don't know from experience but I suspect an otherworldly portal would take up a considerable amount of interior space."
Logan, unsure of what to say, quirked an eyebrow and just stared at Kirk.
"Fascinating. You're the film-maker, correct?" Circling around him, Finn studied Kirk like he was a museum artifact. "I thought your film was a lost classic."
"Yes. Kirk Gleason. I'm sorry. I don't believe we've officially been introduced." Excitement could be heard in his voice as he continued. "I have to say I'm a big fan of yours. And if Rory really didn't actually do the single process thing, then your visit is absolutely the most exciting thing to happen in Stars Hollow this year, Mr. Richards."
"Mr. Richards? Logan. Colin. Who am I?"
"Mr. Kirk, who exactly do you think our friend here is?" asked Robert.
"Isn't he the inimitable Keith Richards of the legendary band the Rolling Stones?"
"Ouch. Finn. I think you need to be walked," laughed Logan.
"Straight out to pasture and put out of our misery," Robert added dryly.
As amusing as Finn's mistaken identity was, Logan was well aware of Lucas's feeding schedule and the potentially dire ramifications of going off schedule. Belatedly, he realized that Rory never had given him the list of questions about the house although he was pretty certain she'd made one.
"Hey! Kirk! How about we get the details on the house?"
"Sure, sure. As one stud said to another, lay it on me." At the men's blank stares, Kirk attempted to explain. "That's my own brand of construction humor. It's new. Anyway, follow me. The key is here. In this combination box."
The four men followed Kirk up the stairs to the home's front door. They watched silently as Kirk punched the combination code into the lockbox. Key obtained he unlocked the door and swung it open. Stepping to the side, he allowed the four men and a baby to enter the home first. Once they were inside, Logan heard him clear his throat.
"Mr. Huntzberger? May I call you that?"
"I'd prefer it actually." Logan glanced at Kirk over his shoulder.
Finn shook his head and directed his next words to Kirk. "You should call him 'Sir'."
"Definitely," agreed Colin.
"I think," Robert drummed a finger on his chin, contemplatively. "He should call all of us 'Sir,'"
Colin considered. "I'm good with that."
"The temperature in Hades must've dropped," announced Finn. "I agree with Robert."
"It's settled then." Robert turned to Kirk. "Please address all of us as 'Sir.'"
"He doesn't -." Logan, frustrated, glared at his friends before reconsidering. Anything to get this over with. He really didn't care. "Whatever."
"Well, Mr. Huntzberger, sir, you'll notice that the house has not been updated recently. Years, in fact. I should point out that two out of the four bedroom closets, and one hallway closet, have shag carpeting."
"Not usually a selling point, but thanks for letting me know. So how many rooms in total?"
The group made their way from the entrance into the front room. What the hell was this room? Den? Study? Tiki bar? wondered Logan. Kirk had not been exaggerating on the lack of updates.
"Living room. Kitchen. Dining room. Study/den. Half bath. On this floor. Two fireplaces. Second floor has four bedrooms. Two full baths. Downstairs has a basement. Laundry room. Half bath. And I wanted to assure you that there is a farmer's sink in the laundry room. There's also plenty of room for an ironing board and winter clothes storage."
"Great," shrugged Logan. "That's great."
"You angling for role of house-husband?" asked Colin.
"I have no idea what this guy is on," whispered Logan.
"Inside this cabinet are more than one hundred and fifty board games. Some iconic. Some vintage. You'll be happy to know the game collection does come with the house."
"Is that so?" asked Logan. Logan was starting to formulate a theory about Rory's list.
"Oh, and I should mention that I have slept in three of the four bedrooms. I can attest to the fact that it's very peaceful. Whatever the beings are that come out of Lorelai's portal, they're quiet."
Logan mouth widened into a smile. Definitely. Rory's list. "Anything else on Rory's list you need to tell me?"
"The house does not come with a pig."
"Noted."
Logan left the living room and made his way into the kitchen. Another room in dire need of upgrades.
"So Mr. Huntzberger, sir, I hear you make a mean paella and excellent lobsters."
Logan glanced at the pantry adjacent to the refrigerator. He noted a door leading out to a patio off the rear of the house.
"Excuse me?"
"I'm in charge of Stars Hollow Foodie Fest and in that capacity I need to know all the dishes everyone in town can make."
"Ah. It's a Stars Hollow thing."
"Yes. You probably won't be surprised to learn you continue the tradition of Gilmore Girls having their men do the cooking."
"That a fact?"
"Yes. Lorelai volunteers Luke to prepare something every year."
"So Rory volunteered me to make something?" During the pregnant pause following Kirk's nod, Logan's head filled with more questions. "When? Today?!"
"Oh, no! Foodie Fest isn't until September! But whenever we get new people in the Hollow I update my Rolodex."
"I don't think a sane person would use the words 'update' and 'Rolodex' in the same sentence." Finn inserted himself into the conversation as he ran a white gloved finger over the top of the refrigerator.
"Did Rory volunteer herself or just me?"
Kirk cleared his throat nervously, obviously uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had just taken. "I asked if she could make something, Sir." Kirk paused, clenching his lips briefly before continuing. "She just stared at me with those bewitching cerulean blue eyes and said 'milk'."
"My God."
"Oh, Love!"
"Why couldn't she be twins?"
"Or triplets even?"
"Will you three knock it off? I'm right here. Lucas is right here." Logan turned back to Kirk. "Rory was joking with you."
"I suspected it could be a joke but Lorelai usually does funny voices so you can tell when she's doing a bit. Rory's much more deadpan."
"Yes," Logan nodded, smiling at the baby. Serious look back in place he returned his gaze to Kirk. "She is. So Taylor's good with the adjusted offer?"
"He's still a bit miffed that Rory wouldn't even consider Taylor Doose Gilmore-Huntzberger as an option."
"Yeah. He needs to get over that. But the offer? He's good with it?"
"Yes. As long as you have the money -and I think Rory said you'd be paying cash - the closing could be as soon as tomorrow."
"Yeah, we'll be paying cash."
"Then it's a go. By the way, did you know paella has held a place of honor and practicality in Spanish homes for centuries?"
"I did know that. Spent time in Spain. Do you know if this is a load-bearing wall?" Logan gestured with his head to the wall separating the kitchen from the dining room.
"I don't believe so. You'd have to get Tom in to do an assessment. Or TJ if you just want someone to sledgehammer it to find out. But if the answer is yes, then you'll have to get Tom in anyway to prevent the house from collapsing. So you might want to just go with Tom. What do you use for your herb blend?"
"Usually fresh parsley, fresh lemon juice, olive oil, minced garlic, water, saffron, and chicken broth. You have Tom's number?"
"Lorelai should. He did all the work on her house. You don't find the garlic upstages the saffron?"
"Not at all. Tom's a bonded full-service contractor?"
"I believe so. He hires subs to do whatever he can't. Do you use sausage or kielbasa?"
"Spanish chorizo sausage. More authentic. So what about the rattan furniture? What's the plan for it?"
"The plan is it should be taken outside and shot," injected Finn.
"Finn's right," agreed Colin. "We support everything about what you're doing Logan but we draw the line at rattan furniture and life-sized tiki statues."
"Never realized before now Huntz that you had such deep-seated dreams of living in Margeritaville," Robert added.
"We plan on updating the place as soon as possible but we might have to live with it for a weekend or two. At least if we're down here for Foodie Fest."
"And what are you going to do? Gouge your eyes out?"
"It's not that bad." Logan glanced down at his son. "Right, Big Guy?"
Lucas yawned.
"See? The Kid has the right idea. He's not worried."
"Lucas is probably working up a gift for daddy," called Finn from where he was conducting the white glove test on the tiki bar.
"Is he a prodigy?" asked Kirk.
"Are you?" Robert looked at Kirk.
"No. Mother had me tested. Many, many times. She was always so certain there had to be a reason but the doctors always said the same thing."
"Which was?" asked Robert, after a beat.
"Brain size has nothing to do with intelligence."
"So size doesn't matter?" asked Colin. "Hear that, Finn?"
Logan, amused, shot a glance over at Finn who was sniffing his gloved index finger, his face contorted into a look of disgust.
"Not what she said," replied Finn. "Robert, come here. I need a second opinion. Would you smell my finger?"
AN: Next: A total fluff of a chapter that contributes nothing. I admit it. I wrote it for my own amusement. Does anyone remember me asking for recommendations for songs that could serve as themes to a post-apocalyptic society? Does anyone remember me mentioning Kirk's third film? There will be a seating chart posted to my LiveJournal ITMH post.
11/26/2017