Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls is the creation of Amy Sherman Palladio.
Chapter 44: A Few Days in the Hollow
Stars Hollow, Connecticut, Week of June 25, 2017
The visit to Stars Hollow passed quickly. Logan and Rory, along with Lucas, divided their time primarily between the new inn and the town center, with a few visits to Luke and Lorelai's house thrown in -once Rory and Lorelai had come to a truce, of course. Logan was happy for Rory's sake that she and Lorelai had worked things out but he was under no illusions that Lorelai had changed her mind about him. Rory also made time to visit with Lane, while Carol and Logan split babysitting duties. Carol looked after Lucas, while Logan watched Colin, Finn, and Robert. Lucas had his first experience at Luke's Diner as well as his first experience of being stared at by a crowd of townspeople through the window at Luke's Diner.
Wednesday: The Closing
On Wednesday, after the closing, Logan and Rory met with Tom the contractor to discuss ideas for updating the house. If they made quick decisions, and didn't go for anything too "fancy", Tom assured them he could probably fast track the renovations so the place would be livable if not completely done by Foodie Fest in September. Of course, if they took their sweet time getting back to him with decisions, and looked for fancy stuff that needed to be shipped in from all over the world, then it could be ready by Foodie Fest 2018.
"All right. So we're going with open concept kitchen and family room. Getting rid of the shag carpeting, the tiki bar, and the central wall now that we've confirmed it's not load-bearing. Puttin' in hardwoods. New windows. Updating the fireplaces. Games going to Lorelai for storage. Tiki statues going in the basement for someone named Robert. Couple chairs to stay so there's somewhere to sit. Everything else to charity or the dumpster but we're okay with Kirk doing a walk through as long as he doesn't grab the chairs, the games, or the tiki statues. Have I got that right?"
"Yeah," said Logan.
"Yep," agreed Rory.
"Personally I wouldn't let Kirk anywhere near my house but hey, that's just me. Seen that guy naked waaay too many times. I've never seen any of my other neighbors naked. Not even once. Him I can count on two hands the number of times I've seen naked."
"Ew." Rory made a face.
"Ew is right. So I got both your emails. I'll draft some plans and send 'em out to you."
"Sounds great."
"Yeah, Tom. Thanks."
"Last question is do you want TJ involved? It'll add about three weeks and 5%."
Logan, puzzled, looked at Rory. "Who is TJ? Kirk mentioned him too."
Rory shook her head. "I don't think that'll be necessary."
"Suit yourself. Your mom always finds an excuse to bring him in."
Rory made a face.
"Ace, who is TJ?"
"Mom's brother-in-law. Luke's sister's husband."
Ah! A chance to score points with the extended family. He could afford to do that. Logan swung around to face Tom. "How about 8% and no added time."
"You're not from around here, are you? All right. You drive a hard bargain but I think I can work with that."
Thursday: Luke's Diner
Logan and Rory sat next to each other, with Rory facing the window and Logan seated to her right. Lucas, in his stroller, was to her left.
"Why are they staring at us?" asked Rory. "You'd think they never saw a baby before."
Logan, wearing a sardonic grin, just shrugged. Upon the diner door opening, they could hear Kirk's voice filtering in as he addressed the group gathered outside the diner. It was a group, which, to Logan's utter amusement, included a priest and a rabbi.
Logan had to hand it to the town: you really couldn't make this stuff up.
"I talked to the Baby Daddy and it's not the Komodo dragon thing. Or the virgin thing. So it was not self-serve. I repeat: Not self-serve. So nobody wins."
"Told ya, Archie. You owe me dinner."
"Come on, David. I was kidding. Since when do you not recognize a joke?"
"Oh, sure. Now it's a joke! When it's Brennan and Carr's on my dime..."
As the door finally fell shut, Rory shot an even more quizzical look at Logan. Grinning back at her, he shrugged.
"Eh. Your town. You really want to know?"
"I don't know. Do I?"
"No. Let's get more coffee."
The door opened again. Lorelai entered the diner -with a flourish Logan couldn't help thinking - before taking a seat at their table to the left or Rory, across from Logan.
"How's my favorite grandson?" Lorelai leaned over and dropped a kiss on the baby's forehead. "Still being unnaturally quiet and well-mannered like those freaky little kids from 'Children of the Damned'?"
"Mom, please. Language."
Lorelai scoffed, while Rory chuckled.
"No! I'm serious. We're really trying. We figure if we start now we'll curse less by the time he actually starts talking. And don't be fooled. He cries. We just try to anticipate and pre-empt."
"With Colin, Finn, and Robert here, we're already getting our daily fill of whining. With him, at least, we stand a chance."
"Ah," nodded Lorelai. She caressed Lucas's cheek before looking at Rory. "Still planning on Nantucket Saturday?"
"Yeah," replied Rory, her eyes meeting her mother's. "You gonna fly out with us?"
"An hour flight from Hartford or five hours drive plus ferry. I gotta say it's tempting."
"So come. It'll be Lucas's first flight."
"You know he's probably gonna be miserable and screaming the entire time, right?"
"Who's gonna be screaming?" Logan glanced up at Luke who had suddenly materialized at their table. "More coffee?"
"Yes, please." Rory smiled up at her stepfather. Luke proceeded to pour coffee for his newly arrived wife and to top off Rory and Logan's cups. "All the more reason for his favorite grandma to be there to distract him by playing with him!"
"Smooth, Kid."
"But did it work?"
"Who's gonna be screaming?" repeated Luke.
"We're flying to Nantucket on Saturday. Mom's afraid Lucas will be bothered by the air pressure."
"Oh," Luke nodded. "You sure you wanna do that? Crying babies usually make everybody nuts on planes."
Logan's eyes widened as he met Rory's gaze. He was going to defer to Rory on how to respond to Luke's comment. Fortunately Lorelai saved them both the trouble.
"It's one of your family's planes I assume?" Her gaze fell on Logan.
Logan nodded. "Only ones on the plane he'll make nuts will be us, you -if you decide to come with us- and the flight crew. We figure an hour flight is better than the five-six hours in the car."
"Oh, sure," nodded Luke. "That makes sense."
"You two really should just come with us. You're busy. You could probably find better use for your time than stuck in Fourth of July traffic on Route 6." He gestured at the baby. "Plus, I'm sure it'll make the Big Guy happy."
Logan felt Rory's hand on his thigh. Glancing over at her he read her lips.
Thank you.
He smiled at her. In the scheme of things it really was nothing.
"Well, maybe." Lorelai and Luke exchanged a look.
"Think about it." Rory nodded. "Hey Mom, you decide yet what you're gonna have him call you?"
"I'm debating between 'Granmalai,' 'Nana Lorelai,' and 'Trix.'"
"Hell no!" Realizing what she'd said, Rory sheepishly shook her head. "Damn. I was doing so well."
"Cough it up, Ace."
Rory opened her handbag and grabbed a quarter from her wallet which she dropped into Logan's hand.
"I was kidding on the last one."
"Thank God." Rory turned to Logan. "My grandfather called his mother 'Trix.'"
"Was. But now, I'm gonna give it serious thought. Maybe it's one of the privileges of being the Reigning Lorelai."
Rory turned back to Logan. "Great-Grandma was the first Lorelai." She turned back to her mother. "What? The name gives you impunity to appropriate one of the top fifty stripper names as a delightful nickname for your grandkids to call you?"
Grandkids? He loved hearing the plural. Even if it was just an unintentional slip of the tongue. Logan hid his smile behind his ginormous coffee mug.
"When you put it like that, it makes me think I should look at the other forty-nine."
"No! Come on."
Lorelai turned to Logan. "Your mom's not gonna have him call her 'Bambi' or 'Candy', is she?"
"I can guarantee that's a 'no.'"
"Good. I'll think it over."
"You're shameless." Luke shook his head at his wife. "You guys eating or what?"
STOP: There's a seating chart if desired. Google this exactly: miral's inside the monkey habitat livejournal.
Friday: Movie Night at the Black, White, and Movie Theater
Logan had no way of knowing just how memorable their final night in Stars Hollow would be. While he'd heard Rory and her friends talk about the theater weeks before at the lunch, it hadn't prepared him. Even the resident Stars Hollowans puzzling over resident film-maker Kirk's new film short hadn't raised an antenna.
In the future he'd know better.
After dinner, Logan and Rory said goodbye to Lucas and Carol and led their troop from the downtown Dragonfly to the Black, White, and Read Bookstore. As Logan trailed after Rory into the room that doubled as a theater, he noticed a few people he knew including Morey, Babette, Lane, and her husband, Zack. A few others looked familiar but he couldn't place them, so he figured he'd seen them around but hadn't been introduced.
"Hi Rory! Hi Logan! No Lucas tonight?" Lulu, Kirk's wife, all of a sudden, stood before them holding a clipboard.
"Uh, no, Lulu. Logan and I didn't think he'd fully appreciate 'Das Boot'."
"Oh, yeah. I guess he is a little young for World War II movies. How many are in your group and are you grilling tonight?"
Grilling?
Rory, thankfully, answered for them. "There's five of us. No grilling." Looking around the theater, Rory noticed some empty spots by her friend. "How about we go take those seats by Lane?"
"Works for me. Morey and Babette have the grill going so I'm trying to make sure we don't have too many grills near each other - gets smoky. But if you're not grilling, then feel free to sit anywhere! Enjoy the movies!"
"Thanks, Lulu."
Rory led them to the front lefthand side of the theater.
"This looks like someone's living room." To his credit, Colin made an attempt at whispering.
"Someone with highly questionable taste." Finn didn't.
"Sh! Rude!" Rory attempted to get them under control.
"The chairs look good." Robert noted as he glanced around the room.
"Hey! Aren't those the chairs from the Oasis?" Rory surveyed the room, a surprised look on her face.
"Don't worry, Love. I ordered beanbags for your Oasis."
"Beanbags?!"
Rory took the seat immediately to Lane's left, while Logan sat beside her. Finn positioned himself behind Rory, while Colin and Robert filled in the empty seats to the left of Finn.
"Rory! You made it! Full crew, too! Hi Logan."
"Yeah! Isn't it amazing?!" Rory smiled at Lane. "Colin, Finn - you remember my friends, Lane and Zack. From the dinner. Guys, this is Robert. That's Brian."
"Hey, good to see you guys again! Rory, your mom and Luke coming?"
"Yep. April too. It's her pick. 'Das Boot.'"
Finn groaned, lowering the brim of his tweed cap over his eyes. "Wake me when the boat sinks. Or when they all die. Whichever comes later."
"Sh! Don't ruin the end, dude." Annoyed, Zack sat back in his chair.
"Dude?" repeated Finn.
"Rory, it's a good night for you to be here," Lane nodded. "Kirk's new film is premiering!"
"Oh, cool. The guys are fans of his last film."
"Are you talking about 'This Pig is for Reelz'? My favorite pig movie of all-time." Colin agreed enthusiastically. Or what passed for enthusiasm from a mostly sober Colin.
"A timeless classic." Robert agreed. "What's the new film about?"
"No clue," answered Lane. "Kirk's been all hush-hush. He was in here before. He's wearing a costume. Hat. Coat. Must mean something."
Lane sent a significant look Rory's way; to which, Rory shrugged. Lane chewed on her lip, deep in thought, before replying.
"Yeah, you're right. It could mean nothing."
"Hi everyone!"
"Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi."
"Hey Mom. Luke."
"Hi Doll! Luke!"
"Hi Babette. Hi Morey."
"Hey."
Luke and Lorelai circulated through the room, waving and greeting everyone before settling down in the love seat located at the front of the room.
"Luke? Lorelai? You sat yourselves!"
"Yeah, Lulu. We decided these are just gonna be our theater outfits, so we don't have to worry about where we sit."
"Oh?" Lulu quirked her head to one side, perplexed. Logan saw the instant she decided to let it go. Smiling she chirped. "Okay!"
"Hi." Colin nodded politely to Luke and Lorelai. The other two followed suit.
Logan bit down a chuckle as he watched the guys' sedate greetings. Rory's mother had caught Finn eying the bannister at the inn and had given the three of them the evil eye. Lorelai must've recounted to Rory what she'd do to them if she caught them fooling around in the inn, because Rory subsequently managed to extract promises of good behavior from each of them.
"Rory. Can you shift down one? Don't you just love this movie? Have you ever noticed how subtitled films lose their subtle nuances? Especially German films. But I'll sit next to you so I can translate!"
"Oh, goody. That'd be great, April."
Logan stifled a laugh as Finn groaned again. Rory and Logan shifted seats to make room for April who settled in the seat in front of Finn.
"Finn. Just take out your flask." Rory hissed as she sat back down.
"Oh, right. Love. Thanks for reminding me."
"You brought a flask to the movie? Won't that diminish your understanding and enjoyment of the film?"
"Love-Sister, I find that highly doubtful."
"My name is April."
"Hey! Who wants some shish kebobs?! I got vegetarian and I got pork!" hollered Babette. "Sorry Kirk," she added with an apologetic nod.
Logan's eyes traveled to the front of the theater. Kirk had finally appeared. Lane was right. He was in costume. A steampunk costume.
Steampunk?
"Ace," whispered Logan. "Check it out."
Rory's eyes swung from her stepsister who she'd been chatting with to Kirk. As Logan watched, he saw her eyes squint. "Steampunk?"
Logan shrugged. "Apparently so."
"How many times do I have to tell you people? You're not supposed to bring your own food into the theatre."
"Yeah, we get it Kirk. And I understand for Snowcaps and Rolos. And even for popcorn. But you don't sell shish kebobs in the theatre!"
"But Babette, we have -"
"Hey everybody, I got the dish I made for the last international food day if anyone wants some."
"Oh! Sounds good, Gypsy!" Babette turned toward Gypsy. "What you got? Poutine?"
"No! I don't got poutine. I got tapas. I've lived in this town thirty years! Now -thanks to Taylor -everybody thinks I'm Canadian!"
"Hey! Morey and I also got baby back ribs for anyone who wants!"
"I think I have heard the voice of an angel." Finn stood and sauntered over to where Morey and Babette sat with their grill. "I love you Tall Lanky Man and Zaftig Blonde Woman."
"Zaftig? Zaftig?! Morey! Am I zaftig?"
"In a heavenly way, babe."
"Aw. Nice." Assured 'zaftig' was a compliment, Babette turned her attention to Finn. "You want some ribs? Or shish kebobs? I can throw some of both on a plate for ya! What are you, anyway? Australian? Like Crocodile Dundee?"
"Yes ma'am." Finn nodded his head at Babette before turning to call out to Rory over his shoulder. "Mother, may I?"
"Finn, I don't care what you eat!" Rory replied across the theater. "And it's bad enough you do it in the apartment. Don't call me 'mother' when we're out. It's downright creepy."
"All right then!" Finn turned his attention back to Babette who was making him a plate.
"Hey Rory, hon! Who's your band of merry men?"
"Babette, Morey. You know Logan." Rory gestured with her head to him. He gave her hand a squeeze which she reciprocated.
"Of course! The Baby-Daddy!"
"Hi again, Babette. Morey." Logan waved with his free hand.
"These are our friends from college. The one you're feeding is Finn. Behind me is Colin and next to him is Robert." Rory turned to address the guys. "Hey, that's Babette. And her husband is Morey. They got Lucas his pork pie hat."
Colin and Robert offered polite nods and stately waves.
"Nice hat!" called out Colin.
"I'm planning on getting one for myself. Not sure I can pull off the baby blue." added Robert.
"Hey! Nice to meetcha! You can get a black one like Morey's! So,how old are you boys?!"
"We're a year or two older than Rory," answered Colin, with a questioning look at Rory.
"So you're in your thirties?"
"Yes," nodded Robert. His face wore its usual impassive demeanor. "Is that a problem?"
"Uh-no! We have a whole group of singles here in the Hollow!"
"Singles?" repeated Colin.
"The 'Hollow'?" asked Robert.
Logan waved to Miss Patty who had come in and took a seat to the left of Babette.
"Hiya boys!"
"Guys, that is Miss Patty." Logan felt comfortable making the introduction. Once a woman pinches your cheek, you got dibs on making intros.
"Patty!" shouted Babette. "We got more for the Thirtysomething Gang!"
"Oh, nice to meet you boys. You three single?"
"Patty! This one's Australian! Like Crocodile Dundee!"
"Really?" Patty stood and slowly moved closer to Finn. "I'll show you my Tasmanian Devil if you show me yours."
As Logan observed what had to be the most bizarre mating ritual he'd ever seen in his life, Patty batted her eyelashes at Finn and was letting her fingers do the walking right up his forearm. Finn, meanwhile, was staring at Patty in wonder as he continued to eat.
"Ace, we might have a new love connection."
Rory pulled herself from her conversation with Lorelai, April, and Lane long enough to gape at Finn and Patty.
"Oh my Lord!"
"You can say that again."
Logan's fun watching Patty feel up Finn was short-lived. Colin and Robert taking note of Kirk's costume soon captured Logan's attention.
"Logan, why is Mr. Kirk wearing a steampunk outfit?" asked Robert.
"Yeah. That can't be good," added Colin.
"I don't know," Logan replied.
"It might be nothing," Rory looked over her shoulder to Colin and Robert. "Kirk usually dresses up for showings."
"This town is so weird, Ace."
"Sh!"
"Sorry Babette."
"No problem, sweetie. I was just practicing."
"I'm sorry Mr. Richards," Kirk was trying to get Finn's attention.
"Get away, Kirk!" Patty shooed him. "This one's mine."
"I was just going to inform him that no one is supposed to eat food from outside the theater."
"How about I get you tickets to our next show?" asked Finn, with a raised eyebrow.
Kirk smiled. "That would be fantastic. Three, please? I'd like to bring my wife Lulu and our pig, Petal."
"Of course." Finn replied with a wink.
"Great. Okay. Could I please get everyone's attention?" Kirk asked, positioning himself in front of the screen. "Welcome, everyone, to the Black, White and Read Movie Theater. I am pleased to present tonight's feature film, 'Das Boot'. Now before we start, the management of the theater is aware that some of you have snuck food into the theater. You should know that consuming food purchased outside of the premises - is strictly prohibited." Lulu jumped up from her seat and whispered something to Kirk. Done she returned to her seat. "Since we can't really enforce that rule, Lulu says I should tell you if you don't have enough to share with everyone, you're not allowed to eat it."
"Aah, that's so sweet!" observed Lorelai. "Lulu will have us all adhering to Robert Fulghum's principles in no time."
"He's the author of 'All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.'" April turned to a tight-lipped Rory. "I just love him."
"In 2003 I debuted my first film short. A family focused story of love entitled 'I Love Your Daughter'. It received the "Nice Try Award" at the Lake Chappaqua Film Festival. Last year, I released my long-awaited follow-up. It extended the theme of love and family to include children, or children substitutes. I'm proud to announce 'This Pig is for Reelz' won the coveted "Wilbur Award" from Good Earth Farms.
As Kirk paused, the group clapped. Finn finally rejoined the group.
"Thank you. I knew my next film would have to break new barriers. Last year quite by accident I discovered a new genre called Steampunk.
"Steampunk is a subgenre of science fantasy that incorporates technology and aesthetic designs inspired by 19th-century industrial steam-powered machinery. Although sometimes associated with cyberpunk, steampunk works are often set in an alternative post-apocalyptic future of Britain's Victorian era or the American "Wild West."
"In this story, set in a post-apocalyptic, anarchist future, one band of people are able to rise above the horrors of a world gone to chaos.
"I present to you my third film short -the first one in which I do not appear. Taking inspiration from such genre masterpieces as 'A Clockwork Orange', 'Logan's Run', and 'Ferris Bueller's Day Off', I am proud to say that 'Dystopian Golf Academy' is currently in the running for the 'Anomaly Award' at the New Haven Film Festival."
The group sat back as the lights dimmed and the film began.
"Oh, jeez-"
Rory gasped.
"Rory! That looks like you up on the screen!"
"Um, yeah, Lane. I see that."
"Does this mean what I think it means?"
"Am I going to get my own IMDB page? How lovely."
"Leave it to you Huntz to ruin my attempt at a cyberfree existence."
"You have a website, Robert. Win a Date with the Second Son. How is that cyberfree?"
"Since when are you Huntz's defender?"
"I'm not but I know Kirk. Logan couldn't have known."
"Sh! That was not me practicing!"
"Sorry Babette!"
"Hey, isn't that Rory?" asked Luke. "Lorelai, why is our family the only one that gets suckered into his movies?"
"Don't know. He's around us a lot. Guess our Kirk-spidey senses are off." Lorelai replied. "Hon, what're you wearing? I wanna borrow that hat! I didn't realize end of the world dystopia included such cute hats!"
[FILM] "I think we can bring civilization back if we can bring back the world's most civilized game...golf!"
"Kirk doing a female voice over. That's not supposed to be me, is it? I don't sound like that, do I?" Unhappy, Rory made a face. "You could've at least let Lulu do my lines, Kirk!"
[FILM] "Aw that's right, Sheila. We'll be okay once we get to the barby, as long as we're together, mates."
"That hideous accent! Is that supposed to be me? I don't sound like that, do I? No Australian sounds like that! And the lip-synching was awful!"
"Maybe he went with the New Zealand accent."
"Shut up, Robert."
"So I'm not given any dialogue?"
"Ace, it didn't sound like you. Sounded more like Norman Bates doing his mother's voice in Psycho. Finn, I don't know what the hell that accent was but it wasn't Australian. Colin, why would you care? He didn't give me a voice. I'm fine with it."
[FILM] "Here's lookin' at you kid. And here's lookin' at my ball before I hit it with this club."
"What the hell? Is that supposed to be me?! Come on!"
Rory laughed. "Oh, don't worry, Huntzberger. It didn't sound like you. I think it was supposed to be Humphrey Bogart from Casablanca."
"Touche, Ace."
"That was a good shot, Finn."
"Yes, Colin. I'm always better when inebriated."
"Not what she said."
"This is interestin'! Artsy! Taylor we should make Kirk's film the new Stars Hollow theme! What do you think, Patty?"
"Hey, why didn't you ask Hep Alien to do the theme song? We could've pulled together a score and you wouldn't have to pay as much on the royalties."
"Oh my God." Rory was peering at the screen from behind her hands. "It's still on?!"
"Ace, what're you so freaked out about? You look good."
"She looks good but look at me!" complained Finn. "I look so pale! Love looks tan next to me."
"Maybe you have cirrhosis of the liver."
"Nonsense, Colin. Everyone knows cirrhosis of the liver is characterized by a yellow complexion. Not a pallid one."
"Thank you Robert. I had no idea you cared." Finn pretended to dab a tear from his eye.
"I don't. But you are my top pick in the LDB death pool so I am paying attention."
"That's sick, Robert!"
"Second son, Rory. I have to develop entrepreneurial pursuits."
"You need therapy."
"Hey, were you really dancing to this song? I've never seen anyone dance like that to the Doors 'The End.'"
"No, Mom. We weren't dancing to the Doors. We weren't dancing. Period." She let out a sigh of frustration. "Could you please pass the popcorn?"
"Last fifteen, hon."
"My God. I'm mortified in front of the whole town and you won't share your popcorn?!"
"Fine! Here!"
"Rory, honey, you shouldn't worry about the last fifteen. I just read an article that said skinny girls are more likely to be abducted by serial killers."
"I read the same article, Patty! It was in the Daily Moon! Remember me readin' that article to you, Morey?"
"Ace, I actually think it's not that bad. It's too dark and the camera was too far away to really identify us."
"In your dreams, Huntzberger!"
Logan hadn't even realized that Taylor had come in until his voice echoed throughout the room.
"What the heck is this? When was this? Where is everybody? Was this that night last fall when the air raid sirens went off in Woodbury and then those strange lights appeared in the sky so we all went into lockdown in the high school?"
"It must've been, Taylor. I'm always in front of my dance studio. I can't think of another time I was away. Believe me I would not have forgotten such lazy choreography had I seen it."
"We weren't trying to dance!" repeated a frustrated Rory.
"Why didn't we go to the bomb shelter?! I had no idea that's where everybody went! We could've had a sub-party in the bomb shelter!"
"It's not a bomb shelter, Finn! It's just an auditorium!"
"Lazy? Us? I would agree with that remark," Robert admitted.
"Strange flouncy dancing, kid."
"Oh my God. For the last time, we weren't dancing, Mom!
"I thought we were dancing, Love."
"Why am I the only one who remembers this? Finn, we danced at the tango club. That" she paused to point at the screen, "that is called walking."
"Oh yes. What is it with you and Logan and walking?"
"I think that might be called prancing more than walking, actually. Why we could have had you come in as ringers for the Gay Pride Parade." Taylor was nodding thoughtfully as he watched the screen.
"This town needs ringers for its Gay Pride Parade?" Logan was incredulous.
"Ah sorry there -Rory what's Father Time's name?"
"That's Taylor, Colin."
"Oh! So uh, Taylor, last time I checked we weren't gay. Well, I know I'm not gay. Logan doesn't seem to be gay. What with Rory and Lucas. Finn? Robert? You'd have to ask them yourself."
"Oh? Well, you all prance very well."
"Thank you," nodded Finn. "I appreciate you saying that."
The group quieted as they watched the film.
"Fine. Guess it does look a little like dancing. We went to a tango club in the city after. Definitely danced there. But then Colin bought the club and you just can't dance to Rosemary Clooney."
"Hon, you just can't dance."
"Wow. Crabby. Eat a kebob."
"Kid, I'm just sayin. You've got your father's two left feet."
"So I should send Christopher the bill the next time you nearly break my foot?"
"Haha" Rory replied to Logan. "Thanks for that," she retorted to her mother.
"There were cameras set up in the stores?" asked Logan.
"Wait a minute! I came in the next morning and someone had already cleaned up the market -including all that money off the floor. I never got that money!"
"Taylor, that's interesting. I'll check my film to see if I caught the hardened criminals who marauded through Doose's."
"Kirk!" Lulu scolded her husband. "You said you got that cash from stripping at the Secret Bar!"
"Secret bar?" repeated Taylor. "What secret bar?"
"Somebody paid money to see Kirk strip?" Patty sounded incredulous. "Who?"
"Ew! See? Always trying to be naked in front of the whole town."
"Yeah, Lorelai. I caught that. Listen, Taylor, we're sorry you didn't get the money we left. Of course, I'll make good on it."
"Thank you, Logan. I appreciate that. And I suspect I know who got the cash. It was That Pig!"
"Petal? Petal is a free spirit! She scoffs at money. Besides she doesn't carry a wallet. Doesn't believe in leather. She stands with her bovine brothers and sisters."
"I'm not saying she took the money to spend! But she eats paper. We did away with the Thursday street sweeping since you got Petal. Why do you think I allow you to keep her even though pot-bellied pigs are on the verboten list?"
"I didn't know you meant pot-bellied pigs as pets were verboten. I thought that was a new dietary restriction for the town."
"Now that's ridiculous! You can get pork at any restaurant in Stars Hollow. Although I've never thought of placing dietary restrictions on the town. That's not a bad idea. We could get some people who shall remain nameless to have better eating habits."
"Oh my God! Back off, Bloomie! You're not taking away my supersize fries!"
"Lorelai, you're not getting any younger. You should be making healthful eating choices."
"Luke! Hit him!"
"Taylor, you're not gonna tell me what I can and cannot serve at my diner. That's it."
"Quiet everyone! The movie's almost done!"
"Babette," Luke turned to look at her. "This is the Doors' "The End." The song's 12 minutes long."
"It is?! How much longer we got?!"
"Seven and a half minutes."
"You're kidding! Kirk! You gotta do something about the movie pacing! Or maybe choose a different song!"
"Hep Alien can do the theme!"
As Logan watched, the room erupted in chaos. Kirk killed the movie. Taylor made his way to the front of the room.
"Thank you for being my test audience for 'Dystopian Golf Academy.' I will take your feedback into consideration. Stay tuned."
"Thank you, Kirk. I would definitely vote for that film for the 'Anomaly Award.' Before Kirk starts the feature, the heart-warming story of the deep abiding friendships forged on a German U-boat during World War II -"
"That's not what the movie is about! He's just making stuff up!" April, outraged, whispered to Rory and Logan.
Rory shrugged. "That's just Taylor being Taylor."
" -I'd like to say a few words. Since we have some fine esteemed guests this evening -"
"Is Santa talking about us?"
"Sh! Finn! Be nice!"
"Finn, allow me. Rory, we've known each other a long time. Has Finn ever been nice?"
"Now you're being a jerk, Robert."
"Told you so." Logan just couldn't resist.
"Wow, nothing's changed. You guys are good in small doses."
"Very small for Colin."
"No working blue, Finn! Family theater."
"I'm sorry, esteemed guests. Are you quite done?"
"Methinks we're on the naughty list now."
"Pretty sure your name's pre-printed on the naughty list stationary, Finn."
"Et tu, Logan?"
"Sorry, Taylor."
"As I was saying, we here in Stars Hollow are a culture-loving people tied to our long-honored traditions. That said we're not afraid of stretching our boundaries into new traditions. I am pleased to announce that this Halloween -to commemorate two Hollywood icons – though they never made it to Stars Hollow we do know they made it to Mohegan Sun, which is, as you know, less than a hundred miles east of Stars Hollow. This Halloween we will hold our first ever Stars Hollow Commemorative Carrie Fisher/Debbie Reynolds Day."
"What?"
"My God. I want to live here."
"What about Rosemary Clooney?"
"I'll take one of those shish kebobs now."
"The town will be cross-decorated between two incomparable Hollywood styles. 'Star Wars' and 'Singing in the Rain'. Everyone will be expected to be costumed in one or the other styles."
"So let me get this straight- "
"Nice one, Colin," complimented Robert.
"Thank you. You're encouraging everyone in town to dress like Carrie Fisher or Debbie Reynolds?" asked Colin.
"What I don't understand is how this town doesn't have enough gay residents for a Pride Parade?" Logan puzzled aloud.
"It's the eighth wonder of the world, Huntzberger."
"Well. Technically you could dress like the ladies. I mean we don't have rules forbidding it. But what we're looking for are characters from those films. So the character could be female or male. Choosing the right costume is important as we will be having a best costume contest."
"I'm going as Darth Vader!" called out Kirk. "It's so I can go up to Luke and say, 'I am your father, Luke.' I've been dying to say that for twenty years. I've been practicing my heavy breathing while working my customer service job."
"Kill me now," muttered Luke.
"Wait!" shouted Lorelai. "So 'Purple Rain' is definitely out?"
"Lorelai, you were the only one who wanted 'Dress Like Prince Day'."
"Miss Patty? Babette? I thought you two were gonna vote for Prince Day, too?"
"Ah, Doll. I look like an eggplant in purple!"
"And, I danced with Debbie Fisher many moons ago. I had to vote for her."
"Love, you'll have a guest room for me? I don't need to be anywhere for the next -Colin?"
"Four months, Finn. Halloween is in four months."
"Thank you. Four months. I'd love to stay."
"Well let's start with me saying you can stay one more night." Rory leaned in to whisper to Logan. "Logan, no way."
"Don't worry, Ace. I'm on it."
Taylor cleared his throat. "If you're all done talking, I'll continue." Everyone gestured for him to continue. "Since we haven't decided on the official title of the festival, for promotion just see me or Kirk about the best way to describe it. I should mention that The Town Council events committee took a vote and we ended in a dead heat. It'll either be "Rain Wars," "Bright Lights in Stars Hollow,' or "Postcards from the Edge of Stars Hollow'. There will also, obviously, be a Stars Hollow Got Talent singing competition."
"Oh. I can sing!" sang out Finn.
"Contestants will only be allowed to sing Debbie Reynolds songs. Or songs that Carrie Fisher was known to sing. Either on Oprah or in her shower. Whatever we can authenticate via YouTube."
"Fascist!" heckled Colin.
"Hey Taylor!" called out Zack. "Can Hep Alien do modern rock versions of those old broads' tunes?!"
"Is there a monetary prize for the contests?" asked Robert.
"Good question, dude!"
"Will a shower be provided or do we bring our own?" asked Finn. "Will contestants shower -oh, how shall I say - in their birthday suits?"
"Quiet down! Quiet down!" Taylor huffily shook his head in aggravation. "Nobody's showering. There's no monetary prizes. Winners will receive gift certificates to the local businesses. And if we let everybody sing any old song they wanted, the point of it being to commemorate Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher would be lost. But I guess we can't stop you from changing the musical arrangements."
"Score! High five!" Zack high-fived Lane and Brian.
"But how can you expect us to authentically recreate Carrie Fisher singing in the shower if we can't sing in the shower?"
"Oh! Finn! Good idea. And what about the rain? How do we know it'll rain on Tackypalooza? Can you make it rain, Santa? So we can have the full effect of singing in the rain?"
"What? I don't even know who you are, Young Man, and you're - "
"Colin's right, Santa. We should have rain on Tackypalooza. And Finn's right. Contestants doing Carrie Fisher songs should be allowed to sing in a shower. I am standing by my opinions." Robert tapped Logan's shoulder. "You remaining neutral on this?"
"Call me Switzerland."
"Will Oprah be here?" shot out Finn.
"You know something?" Logan couldn't help but overhear as Lorelai leaned forward to talk to Rory.
"What?"
"I think Logan's friends are starting to grow on me."
"Yeah. They're kinda like mold that way."
"Exactly. Like mold."
AN: Some call it fluff. I call it fun and games. It's done now. For the record, I love both Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. I personally think this event would be awesome no matter what the name. Next Up: The Family Feud. Technically there are two more chapters and an epilogue. Thank you for reading/reviewing.
12/07/2017