July 2011
Olivia
The buzzing sound gets louder as I come to. I slap the offending object until it dies with an errant beep. Shit it already 11 am. I was supposed to be at a meeting at 11:30. I can't find the motivation of move though. I have to take a shower, brush my teeth, comb my hair, and call Natalia. Shit I better call her before she goes to sleep. After locating my phone under my pillow I wait for her to answer.
"Hello." She sound out of breathe.
"Hey baby."
"Oh god Olivia I'm so glad you called."
"You are, why?"
"I have this little problem, that I was trying to take care of but I think you'll do better." This sound a little kinky. I keep my comment to myself. Natalia's not that kind of woman.
"Did Emma do something?"
"No, oh god." Her breathe hitches in the receiver. "Keep talking."
If I'm not mistaken I would say this is kinky. Just the thought of it make me wet. No, Natalia wouldn't do that. "About what?"
"I need you to keep talking, anything." Her voice a little more demanding.
"First let me say how much I love you. I really want to be there with you beside you, holding you."
"I wish you were too." Her breathing comes faster in the phone. Then I hear the sound I love to hear. It only happens when… "Natalia tell me your not…"
"I couldn't help it. You've been gone…sooo long."
"It's been five days, baby!" The pot calling the kettle black, the fist night I was here, my hand was dipping in the cookie jar thinking about her.
"Please, I need you."
I can't believe this is happening. "What are you doing?"
"I'm inside myself."
"I'm inside you." I look around the room, lowering my voice even though I'm the only one here.
"Yes." She moans.
"You feel so good around my fingers. I've never seen you so wet, just for me."
"Just for you. Uhnnggg"
"No teasing."
"NO. Oh god, no"
"You feel me." I hold my hand up in mid air, desperate to remember the feeling.
"Yes I fe…el you."
"Feel me fuck you faster."
"Yes, yes." She close, I know I can hear it.
"Rub your clit for me baby. Just once." She moans louder into the phone. "again."
"I'm close Livia."
"Cum for me baby. I want to feel you."
"Ahhh. Ohgodohgod."
I close my eyes picturing her, buried inside herself. A long moan comes through the phone. Her breathing comes fast and harder through the phone, like she's just ran the 100 meter dash.
"Baby?" I hear her breathing even out.
"Why haven't we had phone sex before?" She laughs, almost too satisfied.
"Why, is that one of your fantasies?" I ask curious.
"Was." She moans into my ear. I just picture her stretching like a feline.
"You got more." I look over at the almost broken clock. 20 more minutes.
"Maybe." She always gets shy when we talk about sex. "There is one dream I had where…no I can't."
"Truth game. Tell me." I declare the start of the game. I need to know what she's dreaming about.
"NO, Olivia. I don't want to tell you. You might get scared."
"Oh that kinky. Tell me anyway." She underestimates me sometime, some of the dream I've had have been wild.
"It's not really kinky. I just…want to be with you, inside you… hands free."
"What? Oh. Oh." I just had to ask. We've never talked about that. I don't know if I'm ready or not. But it's Natalia; she wouldn't, couldn't hurt me, but you never know, why take the chance.
"Olivia, I know you're not ready it was just a thought. Olivia?"
Lost in my own thoughts I don't answer.
"Don't do that. Don't shut me out. Baby please."
"I'm not. I have a meeting in a few I need to get ready for. The party still on for the tomorrow?"
"Yes and stop changing the subject."
"We'll be home tomorrow. You want to talk to Rafe?" I ignore her plea. I can't talk about this right now I have to focus.
"No I want to talk to you. Can you stop for a minute?"
Two hard knock on the door jar me. "Miss. Spencer you'll be late for you meeting."
"Okay, I'm up." I shout at the door. "Natalia I have to go, bye, love you."
"Olivia wait." I hear her say even though I took the phone away from my ear. I push the end button.
I look around the room, everything is white; the curtains, the carpet, the furniture, and the bedspread. Too much white, blinding.
Me and Rafe have been in Tokyo for a week and I still haven't got used to waking up here. The time difference is killing me.
I step out of the shower refreshed and late. "Superman!"
"Yes ma'am." He runs through the door as I put my jacket on.
"What's on the agenda?"
"Pool, arcade then pool." He counts on his fingers.
"Okay, I'm not going to be back for lunch so go ahead and order something and I want to see a vegetable on the receipt."
"Yes ma'am."
"Alright behave. Love you." I kiss him on the cheek.
"Love you too."
"Have fun, this is the last day." I walk out of the room straightening my white pants suit. Here goes nothing.
Natalia
All day I've been running around town and the farmhouse making sure everything is in order. Now all I need is the rest of my family.
"Mama. mama" Emma tugs on my shirt, for my attention.
"I know baby one last stop." I walk through the door of Dr. Golden's office. She called yesterday and said she couldn't make it. I know Olivia would really like her to be there. Even if were not her patients anymore i was hoping she would still occasionally talk to Olivia.
Her secretary must have the day off. I walk to the open door of her office. A little girl is sitting on the floor. She looks like she's about Rafe's age.
"Lindsey?"
"Oh Natalia come in. I was just picking up some files. What can I do for you?" She stands up from behind her desk.
"I just wanted to know why you weren't coming to the BBQ."
"Can I hold your baby?" The little girl walks up to me, touching Emma's shoe.
"Natalia this is Brittany."Lindsey says closing file in her hands. I put Emma on the floor so she can play with Brittany.
"Oh, I'm sorry am I interrupting a session?"
"No she's my daughter."
I look from the little girl back to Lindsey. "Oh, ok."
"I know what you're thinking. She's black and you're white. What the,?" She laughs at her own joke which I don't find funny at all. "Me and my partner, well ex partner adopted her from her brother. I didn't know she was coming this weekend, that's why I canceled."
"Why don't you bring her? There will be plenty of children there and I'm sure Rafe would love to make a new friend."
"Okay, we'll drop by."
"Alright I'll see you there. Come on Emma."
The party is supposed to start in an hour and Rafe and Olivia still aren't here. Just as I put the last of the drinks in the freezer Rafe burst through the door.
"MA! Come outside." He runs back out with Emma on his heels.
I run outside expected the worst, instead in the drive my parents stand beside Olivia. I hadn't seen them in almost a year. Things had become very strained after Nicky died. "Papi, Mami."
"Talia." My Mom steps onto the porch hugging me tight enough to cut off my air supply. When she lets go I bounce at her side like a child.
"Oh god where are my manners. Do you want something to drink or eat? You probably want to sit down." Olivia and my father walk into the house behind me and my mother.
"Oh my god is this Emma?" My mother asks picking my little angel up. They had only seen her once since she was born.
"That's Emma."
"Grandma. Grandpa come see my room. I got a big bed." Rafe pulls them out the kitchen.
I turn to Olivia, whose leaning against the cabinet. "You did this?" I walk up to her, putting my arms around her neck.
"Maybe. I just didn't want to be the one to come in between you and your parents." She pecks my on the cheek.
"Do you know how much I love you?"
"I have an ideal."
"I love you so much that you will ever know and we are going to talk about you not answering my calls. And that conversation is not over."
"I figured that much." She averts eye contact with me.
"Hey." Remy comes through the door holding a bowl of macaroni salad and a package of meat.
"Let me get that." Untangling myself from Olivia I take the bowl sitting it on the table.
"Thank you Natalia."
"Come on Remy let me show you where the grill is?" He follows Olivia outside.
The energy seems to rebuild at the thought of having my closest friends and family present.
An hour later the party in full swing, everyone came to the party. There was so much food I was sure we weren't going to eat it all today.
I sat on the porch swing beside my mother, watching the kid and adult kids run after each other with water guns and balloons.
"Talia, how have things been?" She pats my knee.
"Everything is great. I never thought it could be like this. Olivia is the best thing that could have ever happened to me." I gush over my girlfriend. I spot Olivia standing behind a tree ready to ambush an unsuspecting Brittany and Rafe with balloons.
"Raphael seems to adore her."
"He loves her. And she loves him. They just got back from Tokyo."
"They told us. Rafe talked the whole way from Chicago." She laughs at Olivia dumps the pair with balloons. They both scream before running their separate ways.
We fall into an awkward silence. We used to be so close even when I was with Nicky.
Out the side of me eye I see her frown.
"Ma?"
"You know I just want you to be happy. I know I should have helped when you were with Nicky."
"That's behind us Mom. I am happy now."
"It's just, your father is not very happy with some of the decisions you've made."
"I know. When I called he said you weren't coming to the party."
"We weren't but then Olivia called. Said she you really wanted us to be here and she didn't want to come in between our relationship. Even told us we could have the car we came in. You know your fathers been fix on that piece of junk truck of his for years." Her hand squeezes my knee.
"You know I'm in the middle of opening a shelter for women?"
"No I didn't know that. That's great; you can help some women and children."
"It's a different time Ma. If you want to leave you can." I look straight ahead into the distance. Some of the ducks have come closer to the house in search of food.
"I'm fine. I always have been."
"But are you happy?" I look at her. She looks tired and wore down. Her head falls as her eye downcast to her feet.
"Sometime happiness isn't the most important thing in life." She sighs. I can't help but remember saying the exact same thing to myself.
"It's softball time." Lindsey hollers holding hold up a bat and ball. "I'm captain. I played in college."
Doris runs up taking the bat. "Well I played in high school we'll see what you got."
They stare each down until Olivia interfere making them pick teams.
After the game, everyone is sweating and dirty. Some of the children as soaked with mud. The food was finally ready. My father held Emma in his arms as he ate, feeding her pieces of his plate. He hasn't said much to me. I know he has something to say because he keeps looking across the table at me. He's been holding a folder all day. I'm curious to know what's inside.
Olivia sat beside me with Rafe sitting in her lap. They've been attached at the hip the whole day and I think that may be his problem. For a long time he was the one Rafe looked up to.
"Olivia, you want some potato salad?" I hold up a fork full.
She shakes her head. "I don't like potato salad. No offense Mrs. Rivera."
"Rafe?"
"I don't like it either." He talks with his mouth full of baked beans.
"Rafe you love your grandmother's potato salad." He shrugs his shoulders at my comment. Olivia runs her fingers through his hair as he leans back against her.
Brittany interrupts my musing. "You know the only thing that could make ribs better is if they were wrapped in bacon." Everyone laughs at the statement. "Can we go to the pond now?"
"Can we?" Rafe perks up.
"Okay but don't go in or get too close." I warn them. Rafe isn't the best swimmer, but you can't tell him that.
"Come on Olivia." He pulls at her.
"Go ahead superman. I'll be down in a little." She pats her stomach.
The two children run off with a trail of other kids behind them.
"So Miss Golden, you were Olivia's therapist?" My father asks. The mood shifts from fun to tense in less than a second.
"Yes I am. And I like to think we've become friends in the process."
He nods his head with a disapproving look.
Olivia doesn't seem disturbed by the revelation.
"Anyone want dessert?" Blake offers as she gets up from the table.
"I'll help you." Dr. Bauer follows Blake into the house.
"It's really hot out here why don't we go inside and have some tea or coffee." My mother picks Emma out of my father lap and walks inside.
We get inside and I notice it's just us three with Emma. Everyone else remained outside and I can't help but think that it's what my parents wanted. I sit beside my mother and Emma on the couch as my father paces the floor.
"Dad is there something you wanted to talk about?" I'm worried now. Maybe his dying. He has been smoking for years.
"Talia you're my only daughter and you know I love you."
"I love you too. Please just say it. I can handle it." Oh god, I don't want to hear it. Nothing is terminal there has to be a treatment to help.
Olivia comes in the room sitting in the chair at the end of the coffee table closest to my mother.
Emma stretches out for her. "Ma mama mama." She smacks her lips calling for Olivia who takes her from my mother. The scene seems to snap whatever my father was holding in.
"You can't seriously think this is okay Natalia."
"What?" I look at him in confusion. I don't know what just happened. All of a sudden he's angry
"This. Everything. It's wrong. You can't live like this."
"You are way out of line Ricardo." My mother says and instantly looks at the floor.
"Mary, stay out of this." He stops his paced for a few seconds. "That woman has problems." He points at Olivia. She sat in the chair holding Emma. Her eyes turn dark as she looks from me to him.
"Papi, how dare you come to my house talking about my family?" I can't believe he has the nerve to ruin our 4th of July party.
"Talia," he sighs in disappointment, "You're not thinking straight. I understand you want someone who is not Nicky. You might be a little scared to be in a relationship with a man, you just need more time."
"No, I love her and she loves me. You don't know what we've been through for each other. She's clean and going to therapy. You don't know what she's been through."
"I do. It's has everything in it." He throws the folder on the coffee table in front of me. The papers slide out of its casing scattering across the table.
I pick the folder off the table opening it, inside are pictures of Olivia and her arrest sheet. It's about five pages long. I flip through it. The last pages is her statement about the rape, pictures of the bruises on her wrist. "Where did you get this?" The emotions overtake my voice. I don't want to read the words or look at the pictures. I throw the folder back on the table, the pictures sliding out for everyone to see.
"Nicholas sent it to me. You see she couldn't even remember it. She was high out of her mind."
"God! What is your problem?" I ask him, my voice raising louder than his.
"Me? Natalia you've lost sight of what's right and wrong." He continues to pace. I look at her, her eyes filling with unleashed tears. I can't let him attack her without fighting back. The Natalia that let everyone make choices for her is dead.
"NO! She is the best thing that has happen to me. She loves me, Rafe and Emma." I scream at the top of my lungs. Emma starts to cry from our yelling, Olivia rock calming her.
"She's a murderer. She can't love you. She doesn't know what love is."
"How would you know what love is? UH? You hit my mother, just like Nicky did me."
"That's doesn't change who, what she is?" He screams back. "She's a slut and a drug addict."
The words hit me like a Mack truck, an impact that touched Olivia.
She kisses the top of Emma's head before standing and handing her off to my mother. Emma cries reaching for her. Her arms stretched out as her body twist trying to get out in my mother's lap.
"I'm going to go get some ice. I'll be back later." She says over her shoulder heading for the kitchen.
"Olivia, wait." I jump off the couch intent on stopping her.
Rafe runs through the kitchen door. He runs to her wrapping his arms around her legs. "Olivia, look what Uncle Remy taught me. Come on." He pulls at her hand, but she doesn't bulge.
"Superman, I can't right now." I can't see her face, but I know she's crying. Her voice is hard emotionless but it quivers.
"Why are you crying?" He sounds like a lost child. I know he is. She's his hero and he's never seen her cry before. Rafe becomes more and more upset, at the silence.
"Don't worry okay. I have to go, I'll be back." She steps around him and out the door.
He looks at me for an answer but I don't have one for him. "Ma?"
"Rafe your better without her." He just won't quit.
Rafe's eyes tear up. "No, Ma. Make her come back." He points at the door.
"Rafe, this is between me and your mother, go back outside." My father demands of him, pointing to the front door.
My mother is just sitting there trying to keep Emma in her arms, quiet like she was most of my life.
Rafe walks up to my father and pushes his leg. If he were bigger he might have actually moved him.
"Rafe, stop." I say it low, not believe what's happening. This was supposed to be a celebratory day.
"NO, he made Mom leave." It's the first time I've heard him called her that. We've never discussed anything like that.
"Get out." I say as Remy walks through the door probably to investigate the noise. "You." I point at my father, "I want you out of my house." I walk around the table moving Rafe out of my way. "I don't want you here. You aren't welcomed." I push my hand in his stomach guiding him to the door. "You have no right to come in here and tell me what to do."
"Baby girl,"
"Don't call me that. I'm not your daughter and you aren't my father. I want you out."
"I'm trying to help you." I think he actually believes that.
"I got all the help I need. Where were you when I needed help from Nicky? Where were you all the times I called and ask you to let me stay with you? Where were you all those times? You didn't care then so don't pretend to care now." We make it to the door; I push him all the way out. "Don't ever come back here."
He tries to protest but I hold up my hand stopping him. Remy stands behind me, casting a dark shadow on us both. "Don't. You know how much Nicky hurt me, but you turned me away. Told me to deal with it. Olivia has been nothing but loving, caring and protective. I have to protect her too. If you ever come back talking like that, Ricardo, I'll kill you where you stand." I close the door, not caring who heard the declaration.
"You want me to make sure he leaves?" Remy asks behind me. I would but Rafe needs someone to take his mind off what just happened.
"No, stay. We have plenty of food left." I walk past him, patting his shoulder. Rafe stands in the middle of the room. His face turns red as he huffs and puffs. He looks just like Nicky before he explodes. I kneel I front of him taking his hands in mine. He's a sight to see. The spit blows from between his lips with each breathe, his eyes strain staring in space.
"Rafe. Rafe look at me." His little body trembles with anger, maybe the frustration of not being able to control his surroundings. "Raphael. Look at me." He finally looks at, and breaks down in a heap of tears. I pull him into a hug, he crumples into me. I pick him up taking him to the kitchen and sit him on the counter top, so we're eye to eye. Grabbing a piece of paper towel I wipe his face.
"It's okay to be upset Rafe, but you can't hit or push people." I chasten him, keeping my voice soft, but firm.
"But he made her leave."
"I know. I wanted to hit him to, but you can't do that. Besides, Olivia would never leave you. She'll be back and you can show her then. You hear me young man."
He nods his head, hugging my neck. "What if she doesn't come back?"
"She will." I rub his back. "We both love you, okay."
He nods again.
"Why don't you show me and your grandmother."
He only nods.
Olivia
I've been nursing my second drink for damn near an hour. I can't bring myself to drink it. I feel bad for running out on Rafe. He didn't need to see me break down and I wasn't going to give Mr. Rivera the satisfaction of it either.
I can't believe Nicholas gave him those statements. It took me right back to that night, the police laughed at me, and nurse didn't believe a word I said. It probably was my fault for getting high with Rodney after. Just another mistake that keeps coming back and haunting me.
"Hey stranger. I thought the BBQ was still in full swing." It's the last thing I need is a happy Bailey. He skips up to the bar.
"It is. I'm just out for ice." I lift up the glass filled with ice and brown liquor.
"Oh you're being sarcastic, right?"
"What are you doing here?" I finally get enough nerve and down the drink. The bartender fills the glass again.
"I was on my way to the BBQ. I just stopped to pick up my date" His eyes never leave the refilled glass. I know he's probably calculating whether he can take it or not.
"Go. Blake is already there." I wave him off.
"How can I go when my friend is sulking in a drink?"
"Don't worry my ride is right there." I point at Father Ray who stands at the door. I wave him over. "Go to farmhouse and get some ice." I shoo him away as the Father Ray approaches.
I down the third glass before Father Ray can stop me. "Olivia, what are you doing?"
"Drinking. Can I get you anything? Open bar." The bartender fills the glass again, waiting to refill it again. I see the two of them connect eyes. "If he wants to keep his job he'll keep them coming." The young man's eyes go wide at the statement. "so how about that drink."
"No and neither should you." The priest gives the young man a gentle smile. We sit in silence for a second o two.
"Natalia's father came to the BBQ." I blurt out.
"Is that right?"
"Yep."
"I'm guessing you two worked everything out." I'm not in the mood for his sarcasm, but I play along.
"Oh yea. Of course he even bought some gifts, complete with pictures."
"Let me guess he's a budding artist now." Father Ray smiles.
"Only if you're into horror."
"Okay, enough. What did he do?"
"He had my arrest records and rape case. Gave them to Natalia to read and everything." I down the new glass and motion for another.
"What did Natalia say?"
"Didn't stick around to hear it. Heard it before." I down the newly filled glass, motioning for another.
"What exactly is that?" His hand stops the glass from being filled again, waving the bartender off.
" 'Olivia! What kind of whore are you?' Then the look in her eyes when she reads the report. That look, pity. I don't need her pity."
"You really think that's how she would have acted. You should know her better than that. No, you do. You're just projecting your feelings on to her. You've already told her what happened." I hate it when he's right.
"Right! Cause when she sees the bruises on my wrist from when he held me down…" I take a breath trying to calm my emotions. The tears start to blur my vision. At least the alcohol has started to kick in.
"These drinks are obviously hindering your rational thought. Natalia loves you, why would she think those things?"
"I don't know maybe because she..." The words start slur even to my ears. I don't need to explain myself to him or anyone else for that matter. "I'm going bar hopping you want to come?"
"Its 2 in the afternoon and your drunk. You're in no condition to drive. Let me drive you home."
"No I don't want to go there. He could still be there."
"What about the hotel?"
"No." I slump against the bar. It's really kicking in.
"Come back to the church with me. You can sleep it off on the bed in the back."
"Ok. But don't call her. Promise." I poke his chest with my finger.
"Promise." I feel him slip my arm over his shoulders. We half walk and stumble to the car. We make it to the church and I pass out just as we make it to the bed.
Natalia
"I should go after her. It's been almost two hours." I pace the porch. The party was still in full swing. Everyone waiting for the firework to began.
"You should sit down before you make yourself sick. You have two children to worry about." Lindsey sits beside Blake on the steps of the house eating her second piece of strawberry cheese cake. "She'll call home when she's well and ready." She says before eating another fork full.
"But maybe she needs to talk or just someone to be there."
"Or maybe you should go play with your son. He's feeding off your emotions. So cheer up and put on a happy face for him."
"Plus Doris went after her." Blake waves her hand dismissively
I look out at Rafe. He's leaned against a tree watching the road for Olivia to come back. I know Lindsey is right I have to keep him busy. Olivia just needs some time to work things out by herself.
"You two are my friends right?"
"Sure" "Yea" They both nod.
"Do you think Doris is in love with Olivia." I fold my hands praying that say what I want to hear.
But they look at each other thinking the same answer.
"I knew it. God I knew it." I began my pacing again, I did. The way she's always sniffing around Olivia. I knew since the first time I saw them together and Olivia said nothing had ever happened and I believed her. But that doesn't mean Doris has never thought about it. Of course she would, Olivia is sexy. Anyone would want her and they do.
And I'm sure I could compete with them but not the best friend. No one can compete with the best friend. It's impossible. I think I'm going to panic. All the times I've had this feeling in my gut that something was between them.
I remember one time we had lunch and Doris couldn't stop looking at my girlfriend, my girlfriend. They laughed at things that weren't funny, even when Olivia tired to explain it to me, it still wasn't funny. What if Olivia felt the same one at one point what if deep down she still feels that way.
"Plus." Blake steals a piece of Lindsey's cake, Smacking on the cream. "They had sex like once like 40 years ago and they were drunk. So you have nothing to worry about."
"What?"
"Uh?" Blake looks up at me; she must see my face on the porch.
"They hadn't gotten to that part yet." Lindsey tries to whisper.
"Oh." Blake's face scrounges up, knowing she let the cat out of the bag already. "I mean I'm drunk its all the cheese cake."
"Please tell me your jealous like I am so your making things up to make yourself feel better." I clench my fist mad. I'm angry at i for lying to me. But what did I expect. We were just fooling around then and I haven't asked her since we've been back together, although I've wanted to. But her past relationships are non of my business, right?
"Yes, I'm making it up."
She's such a bad liar. I don't know whose worse her or Rafe.
"They slept together." I say more to myself than them.
"Okay Natalia, I can already see where this is going. Too much has happened already so why don't we talk about this later." Lindsey stands up taking me by my shoulders.
I'm I going into shock because I can't hear anything, just the rush of the ocean. They slept together. So it was college.
"Like I said they were drunk and they have never done anything else, trust me." Blake takes another bit of cake.
"Do you thin Doris is in love with Olivia and tell me the truth." I look at both of them. Lindsey look optimistic but she doesn't know Doris like Blake does.
"I think she loves her but not that way. Maybe sometimes she feels like she does but she know they would never work out because she is not the relationship type. Trust me on that, I know it personally."
"But if she was?"
"If she was maybe, but they're kind of two different people. The only reason Doris like Olivia is because after what happened she took her under her wing and tried to make her like her." Blake stands up. All three of us sit on the porch swing with me in between them. "They have just been through a lot together."
"You're not helping Blake."
"I think what Blake is trying to say is you have nothing to worry about. Olivia will always be faithful to you and only you. Doris is her best friend and they know where the line is." Lindsey pats my knee. "What you need to focus on is your son and yourself. Olivia will be back and you can tackle this issue then.
"Okay, your right." I step off the porch. "Its Limbo time." I yell for the patrons for the party. "Come on Rafe, you have to limbo on the 4th, its tradition." I pull him away from the tree and put him in line. "Someone start some music."
By the time the fireworks start Rafe is almost too tire to stay up and watch them.
We sit on the grass beside Lindsey and Brittany watching the colors explode in the darkened sky. The little girl climbed into Lindsey's lap mirroring Rafe's position as they look to the sky.
"So I see you've adjust to country life."
"Sort of. It was either this or that ugly mansion." We've been living in the farmhouse for 3 months now. I love it out here. It's so natural and full of fresh air. Plenty of room for Rafe to run without car whizzing by or people walking around.
"You know Olivia really liked that mansion."
"Don't remind me. She begged me to let her buy it. It had 9 bedroom and 6 full bathroom the size of my old house. And it was three stories. There are only four of us, we'd get lost. You should have seen the size of the kitchen." I rub Emma's back, who sleeping on the blanket. Know I kind of wish I had taken her offer at least then she could go to another part of the house instead of leaving. Then I wouldn't have to worry."
"Then stop, Olivia is a grown woman who was making decisions long before you came to town."
"But I want to help. I want her to come to me and trust that nothing will ever make me feel any different."
"You know what I noticed; you have a possessive streak the size of Montana."
"I do not."
"Yes you do. The real problem is that you know where she is. She's either with Father Ray or Wolfe or someone who is not you."
I hate when she starts analyzing my words and I hate it even more when she's right. "I'm her girlfriend I think she should come to me if she's having a problem, not you or Father Ray." I know what she said is true. I have a right to be the one she runs to, not them or drugs.
"You know she'll be back, maybe not tonight, but she'll find her way home."
"I know I just want her here now. This was supposed to be a great day with family and friends. It all fell apart because I wanted my parents here."
"Where is your mother?"
"Upstairs in the guess room. Remy said he would take her home tomorrow let my father cool off. Anyway enough about this disaster, I think you promised me a story."
"There's really nothing to. My ex-partner's brother is a junkie" Lindsey mouthed the last word just in case Brittany was listening. "We adopted her from him and his girlfriend. They come around every once in a while. I love this little girl some much that when we broke up, I couldn't let her go, so I asked if she could come to visit me during the summers. Last week, she had to go out of town to a conference so Brittany came to stay with me." Lindsey bear hugs Brittany. The little girl giggle in her arms.
I want to ask why they broke up, if Brittany weren't sitting there I might have.
After everyone leaves and I finally get Rafe to bed, I sit on the couch waiting patiently for Olivia. Praying she comes home tonight.
OLIVIA
"Hey sleepy head."
I try to open my eyes but a wave of nausea hit me. I'm going to be sick.
"There's a bucket on your side of the bed." I feel Doris slip in bed behind me. She wraps her arm around me.
I promised myself I wouldn't cry but she makes it so hard.
"You feeling better."
I shake my head which was a big mistake.
"Well I hope you don't. You want to tell me why you left me at the boring party by myself." She lays her chin on my shoulder.
"Like you don't know."
"Touché, anyway I just came to see if you were alright."
"I'm not"
"Please your fine." She kisses my cheek rubbing her thumb over the spot. "You never did tell my about…um what do you call it…phone sex."
I laugh for a second before feeling like my stomach was trying to escape. Slowly I turn in her arms looking at her through blurry eyes. "It was good."
"Yeah?" She smiles tightly.
"Oh yeah, but then she said something that kind of …scared me."
She shakes her head. "We don't get scared remember,"
"Okay, shocked me."
"Better, now what?"
"She said she wanted to use-"I feel kind of embarrassed talking about this. I know we have never held anything back from each other but this is about Natalia who she hasn't seen naked and that makes a difference.
"Are you blushing." She sits up a little rocking the bed.
I pull her back down. "Don't move so fast. Any way she wants to use things, like toys, straps-ons."
"I see, have you talked about this before."
"No, it just came up, but I don't want to, I mean I do but-"
"So lets stop right there. I already know where this is going. Those name which we promised never to say again, he and she were assholes who were probably hopped up on something. And second this is Natalia we're talking about. I'm pretty sure you could take her if she tried something funny."
"Yea?"
"Oh yea and my last point, you can't spend the rest of your life afraid to step out on the ledge. If this is what you want then go for it but if you don't just tell her that and if she can't accept it then you don't need her you got me." She rolls on top of me holding her self of my sour stomach. "And if you ever need to practice, I'm here." She winks at me.
I can't stop a laugh from bubbling up, but so did whatever I ate yesterday. We both roll as I duck my head into the green mop bucket.
"Oh that is sexy." She holds my hair back.
Natalia
The slamming of a car door wakes me, from my uncomfortable sleep on the couch. The sun is already up. She walks through the door in wrinkle clothes and red eyes.
"God Olivia where have you been?" I jump from the couch.
"Out." Her voice was rough but flat, with no emotion or concern.
I sigh. "Olivia please don't do that."
"What did I do this time Natalia?" She throws her hand up.
She actually said my name, something is really wrong. "Shut me out. Walk out on us."
"I didn't. I left to give you and your family time to talk." Her jaw is clenched tight, I'm afraid she might actually break her teeth.
"No you didn't, you ran away from me, because of those stupid files."
She doesn't respond to me, just walks away. I follow her up the stairs and into our room. "Olivia, talk to me."
"There's nothing to say, okay. Go back to sleep."
"No, I can't sleep knowing you're hurting. I know what my father said was hurtful. I told him to leave and never come back." Olivia walks to the closet before pulling out a bag and throwing it on the bed. "Did you hear me? I told him I loved you no matter what happened. Where are you going?" I follow her around the room as she throws more clothes in the bag.
"To the hotel."
"No, Olivia. Did you hear me? I told him to leave and never come back until he respects you." The panic chokes me, until the tears gather in my eyes.
"Well, you shouldn't have."
"Olivia, he was being mean and self righteous. He was wrong." My voice louder that I want it to be. I pull the clothes she stuffed in the suit case out.
"No he wasn't, he was right." She yells. I stare at her in disbelief. "He was right. I don't remember what happened, not all of it. I should have never…"
Rafe burst through the door breaking the tension and her train of thought. "Olivia!" He wraps himself around her legs. She picks him up, settling him on her hip. "You didn't come back. You said you would." I hate the plea in his voice. He needs stability; his life has been full of moving from one place to the next.
"I'm right here superman, I just needed a time out."
"Were you bad?"
"No, just a little mad."
He lays his head on her shoulder, looking at me through long eye lashes.
"He was right. I was all of those things." She says and then kisses Rafe's head.
"You were, were! You're not that person anymore. You changed, we changed."
She shakes her head at my correction.
"What am I supposed to say…" She puts Rafe down. "Superman, me and your Ma need to talk. Can you wait in your room for me?"
"Yes, ma'am." Hesitantly he looks back and forth between us. I nod my head letting him know everything is fine, he leaves running down the hall to play his games, no doubt. "What am I supposed to say to Rafe and Emma. What! Tell them not to do drugs before or after I tell them I was a fucking coke-head for almost 16 years."
I walk over to her, taking her head in between my hands. My thumbs rubs soft circle on her temple. I stare right into her eyes, "Yes that's exactly what you say. You tell them what it does to you, how it can and did effect your life. You tell them all the side effects of withdrawal and don't leave out any detail. Then you tell them you were strong enough to quit. You tell them they meant more to you that that stuff. You say you made a mistake but you corrected it to best of your ability. That's what you say." Her eyes soften as she deflated between my hands. "I know it's hard and that it seems like it never ends but that stuff doesn't matter to us. You matter, what happen here and now is what matter. I trust you more that I trust anyone with Rafe and Emma. I trust you, to do the right thing."
"I'm sorry for leaving I just needed some time to myself."
"I get that and I'm not the best example for not running."
"You had a reason."
"Still. It would be greatly appreciated if you just called or let me know when you need that time. I promise to give it to you." I understand her need to be away, I feel like that sometime, we can't just up and leave. We have two very dependent children that need us both to be strong for them.
"I'm sorry I just didn't want Rafe to see that stuff."
"I know. Just please don't do that to him. He stayed up half the night watching for you." It was just like when he sat in the window of my parent's house waiting for me and Olivia to arrive.
"I'll go talk to him." Before she can leave I pull her into a rib bruising hug.
"What was that for?"
"Cause I love you and nothing will ever change that. Now go take a bath first you smell like stall corn chips." I can see a smile sneak onto her face as she walks into the bathroom
Olivia
I take a deep breath before going into Rafe's room. It ridiculous I feel like I going in to the pit of hell. I'm new at this family thing, but I remember what it was like to have a parent walk out. I don't want to be that person to my family; I guess that's why this is so hard. "Superman, you in here." I push his door open. I look around, noticing the flashlight is missing from the bookshelf. He's probably under the bed. "Superman, come out." I sit on the bed waiting for to move. "Please. I want to apologize for not watching the fireworks with you last night."
"You promised."
"I know Superman. I still have some in my car if I can make it up to you." His head pops out from under the bed.
"What kind."
"Some sparklers, roman candles and the tanks."
He rubs his chin weighing his options. "Can I hold the roman candle?"
"Only if you want to lose a hand."
"No."
"Then, no." Quicker than he can react I pull him from under the bed tickling him till he is red in the face.
"okayokay. Please I can't breathe." I stop momentarily letting him take a much needed deep breathe.
"What do you say we get some breakfast and start on them?"
"Deal."
"Deal, come on." I pick him up off the floor, taking him downstairs. Natalia is already in the kitchen cooking eggs. I sit down with Rafe in my lap beside Emma. Of course she crawls onto my other knee. I bounce them on my knees, waiting for Natalia to finish the eggs.
She put two plates in front of us; Emma and Rafe instantly grab the bacon.
"Hey you two I want you to eat those eggs." Natalia pushes the plates towards them.
"Are you hungry Olivia?"
"No baby, I'm okay. So…" I don't know if I should apologize again or let it go.
"So…"
"So…" Emma repeats us both, both of her fist filled with strips of bacon
I burst out laughing at her mimic; she has it down to a T. She is going to be just like Natalia, too much energy and goodness for one person to hold.
"I'm ready!" In a matter of minute Rafe has managed to eat every morsel on the plate.
"Go brush your teeth and we'll get started." Like always he's out the door before I finish.
"Olivia I wanted to tell you something I think we need to talk to Rafe about."
"I already apologized for leaving but if you think taking more about will help, we can." Even if I don't want to, I know we need to reassure him he's in safe and stable hands.
"No not that. When you left he said," she moves closer like it's a secret, "he called you Mom."
"Really!" I don't know why but that's a little scary. I never told him to call me that but I never told him not to.
"Yes really and I think we should talk about it. Like if you even what him to call you Mom."
I think for a second. Rafe calling me Olivia is kind of nice but I want us to be a family all the way through, no his Ma and her partner. "If its okay with you. Emma's already started to say it. I guess it's only natural Rafe uses it to."
"It's fine with me. I had never heard him say it before I just wanted to make sure it was okay with you." She sits back in her chair, deep in thought.
"What's wrong baby?"
She clears her throat. "Nothing," her eyes trail to her ring finger. The tan of her old ring faded to nothing.
Rafe runs back into the room. "Okay."
"Superman hold on a minute, come sit down."
He slowly walks to the chair between us. "I promise I didn't mean to it was an accident."
Natalia's eye furrows. "What was?"
"I poked a hole in the couch with my pencil." He's a good actor, the tears gather in his eye trying to avoid being punished.
"That's not what me and Olivia wanted to talk to you about but we will get back to it. I wanted to talk to you about yesterday."
"Because I pushed grandpa."
That's the first I heard of that. "No Superman, your mother said you called me, Mom."
"I'm sorry." He lays his head on his fold arms. "Jeff at my old school had two moms and he called them both mom." His words are mumble directed towards the table.
Emma pats his shoulder in sympathy.
I run my hand through his curly fair. "Rafe you're not in trouble, we just wanted to let you know that it's okay to call me that. From now on you can call me Mom and not Olivia. Okay."
"Yes ma'am.' He looks up and me happy as a can be, no sign of the crocodile tears from earlier, "Can we go outside now."
Natalia's mother spends most of the day with us. I watch as Natalia hugs her goodbye. She kisses each of the children on the cheek before giving them a dollar. I wait for the rest of my family to go back inside before I approach her.
"Mrs. Rivera, I need to ask you something."
Natalia
After a few minutes, Olivia comes back inside with a big smile on her face. Somethings up and she knows how much I hate being left out. "What are you smiling about?"
"What! I can't smile." She can't even make a serious face, she's smiling so hard.
"No, now tell me." I cross my arm showing her how serious I am.
"Later…maybe." She sticks her tongue and I can think of better ways to put it to use. Which reminds me of what start this whole fiasco.
"Olivia, are you ready to talk?"
"About?" She draws the words out, but I know she knows what I'm talking about.
"About the conversation we had over the phone." I see her swallow the lump in her throat. Maybe it's still too early.
"Why are you doing this? It's been such a good day." Olivia leans back against the counter trying to act nonchalant.
I know her too well. She's about to shut down or start a fight. For the short time we've been together I've become quite good at figuring out her next move and defending it. She and I both know, she can't push me away for long, I always find a way to her.
Walking over to her I wrap my arms around her waist and laying my head on her shoulder. Standing in my tight embrace, she's stiff. If I have to stand here all day holding her, I will. "I love you and nothing could change that, not even you."
I hold tighter as her body begins to shake. A stray tear rolls down her smooth cheek dropping onto my neck. It burn me to the core, still it won't deter me. "Whatever it is you can tell me."
"I can't."
"You can." Pulling I wipe the tear from her eyes. "You want to, I know you do."
"You won't understand."
"Try me." A few second of silence creep by without her saying anything or looking me in the eyes. "Have you talked to anyone."
"I'm tired of talking to counselors about it."
"Well talk to me."
Olivia pulls out of my arms. I let her giving her some space. "I want to for you and me. Just the thought of it…but what if I'm not ready and…I want you to be happy…you want me to…and I want to… what if I can't and you…if I never get to that place…you deserve that." I'm trying so hard to follow her line of reason as she jumps from one sentence to the other. "I trust you, I do…in the back of my mind I know…and what if it's like last time."
"Olivia, wait, wait." I stop her rambling. "If you don't want to then that's the end of that discussion. If you want to and you're scared than tell me how to make it better for you. And if we never get to that place, that's okay. I don't care all I want is you to be happy."
The look on her face says she doesn't believe me.
"Olivia, ALL I want is to make you happy. If we never had sex again I would be okay with that and if you decide that you never want to use anything than that's okay too. Don't do it to please me, do it because you want to." I meant every word of it. Nothing would make me happier than knows she's happy. Sex is just a benefit not a deciding factor. In two days I have to go to a conference with Father Ray and I can't leave without resolving this problem in one way or another. We can't spend the rest of our life together beating around it.
"Can I have some time to think? I just want to be sure."
"You can have all the time you want just tell me we are okay."
"We're okay."
God I've had the worst week. First my parents then talking to the women at the shelter conference opened various wounds I thought had healed. The drive back to the farmhouse, filled with unpleasant memories flashing between the new.
When I get to the house it's too quite. I don't hear Emma or Rafe. I look downstairs for my family, I find just empty room. I head upstairs and look in their rooms, finally I head to our room, I can see a light on and the door is closed. I slowly open the door. I have to catch myself on the door frame to stop from falling at the sight before me.
Olivia was sitting on the vanity wearing nothing but white 4 inch high heels. She sits with her legs crossed, chewing on one fingertip.
I think my heart stopped.
"What, cat got your tongue?" She proceeds to uncross then re-cross her legs. Sharon Stone doesn't have anything on my girl. "I got a present for you." She picks up a box holding it in her lap. "Come get it."
On wobbly legs I stagger over to her. I stand in front of her staring into her devilish eyes. "Go head and open it."
It's a medium sized plain white box. I lift the edge of the top. She pulls it out of my hands.
"I think you should take it in the bathroom. And come out with it on" She pushes the box into my stomach. "Go."
Taking the box in the bathroom is the last thing I want to do. "Go or I'll just have to find my clothes." The ultimatum works, I take the box and slip into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. She is always buying sexy underwear. I open the box, wishing we could both go without clothes.
My eyes almost pop out of my head at the item in the box.
Olivia
I hear her squeak and I know she's opened the box. I stand with my ear pressed to the door wanting to hear her reaction. There is silence for along minute. Maybe this is too much for her. My nerves get the best of me. "If you don't want to, that's okay; I just thought you would like it."
"Um…no, no I want to, I'm just..."
"There are instructions in there somewhere."
"Okay I'll be out in a sec." Her voice was so high pitch I'm sure dog in town are howling. I couldn't pinpoint whether she was scared or just surprised. I press my ear to the door to figure out what she doing. I can hear the paper rattling, then a frustrated sigh. "Olivia?"
"I'm right here, baby."
"I'm sorry I ruined the moment."
"No not at all. The only way you could do that is if you never came out of that bathroom…You know what just forget it." I try the door knob, but it's locked.
"No I want to do this for you."
"You don't have to. I though you would want to." Maybe i should have gone for a more simpler toy. I just thought the double ended stap-on would give us both pleasure.
"I do. I do, just give me a second." She sound a little out of breathe. "OH GOD…Okay I got it, you ready." Now she sounds nervous, but I expected that.
I run back to the vanity, hopping back on top of it. "Okay." I slip back into seductress, crossing my legs. I wait a minute and the door still hasn't opened. This was a bad ideal.
Just as I'm about to get down, the door opens slowly. She steps out from behind the door in all her glory. I've pictured it so many times but nothing comes close to the real thing. She's so shy sometimes. Her hands cover the appendage attached to the harness. After my initial admiration of her, I go back into my sexy mode.
"Well, well, what do you have for me?" My voice hitches an octave or two. I can't control that, she's so sexy. She stands at the door, refusing to look me in the eye. "Come here." I flex my index finger towards here.
She takes the smallest steps I've ever seen anyone take. The kids walk fastest even when they're in trouble.
Natalia finally makes to me, still looking at the floor. I'm not worried anymore. Even though I can't see her eyes I can see a hint of a smile playing on her lips. I give her something more interesting got look at than the floor. Uncrossing my legs, I spread them. Her eyes jump from the floor to me, her mouth falling agape. I'm fairly sure she trying to find words.
I pull her by the harness between my legs. "I hope you looked in the mirror, because you are so sexy." I run my hand down her back and she trembles. We both know she wanted this more that she would ever care to admit, she was just scared she'd scare me.
I pull her closer and whisper in her ear. "I want you to make me yours."
I can feel the change in her. She stiffens before relaxing and I can feel her smile against my neck.
"You are mine." The conviction in her voice sends a tingle right to my toes. She plants her hands on my thighs, massaging them.
Natalia steps back taking me in. "You know how much I love it when you wear those." Referring to my shoes. I knew she would. "So how long have you been planning this?" Her eyes hold mine as a devilish grin spread across her angelic face.
"Awhile." She steps back to the vanity in between my legs. Her fingers lightly run up and down the outside of my leg. I can feel her extension lying on my thigh. My hips have a mind of their own, rotating search for anything. If she weren't standing in front of me I might have already fallen off.
"Someone is anxious." She laughs in my ear.
If I weren't so turned on I might have been a little perturbed by her mockery. The only thing I can come up with is, "God, yes." Her hands felt like they were everywhere, my back, shoulders, neck, and stomach. She sucks on my pulse point, to the point where I can feel a bruise forming between her lips.
"Please. I can't take anymore." I've been sitting here for two hours waiting for her to come home. It took all my will power not to touch myself.
"Please, what?" She snakes a hand between us, sliding a finger over my moistened lower lips.
I jerk forward at the contact. "That."
"This?" She does it again with more pressure in the right place.
"Baby, please." I beg, pulling on the appendage she wears, between my open legs.
She pulls back, yanking it from my grip. "Ah, ah, ah. Don't touch."
I grip the edge of the vanity, fighting the urge to stroke my own fire.
"Let me make sure you're ready for such a big step."
"I'm ready." She ignores my plea, pulling the chair up to the vanity and sits down. She pulls my feet onto the space beside her in the chair.
"I'll tell you when you're ready." She says it with some much command. It just turns me on some much more.
Our eyes never lose contact as she leans forwards, her tongue moistening her lips. I can already feel them on me. My eyes slam shut as my back arches at the first touch of her tongue. I arch more as she teases me. She knows exactly how to play my body, starting slow then gaining speed with short strokes with a stiff tongue. I can't do anything but follow her lead, desperately hoping for an end to the burning need.
I ride her mouth getting closer and closer to heaven. I feel the familiar tightening in my stomach and chest as my toes dig into the chair.
My legs tremble as I fight to keep them open to her. I almost win until she takes my clit into her mouth, thrashing it with her tongue. My body shivers as it exploded, in a world wind of color and spots. The kaleidoscope of colors twists and turns as I try hard to focus on anything in the room.
"Oh God." I pant.
I can feel her smiling with her lips still hold me, too satisfied with herself, like always.
I lean back against the mirror catching my breath. Natalia stands up, pushing the chair away. "Now you're ready." She whispers in my ear. She pulls my legs loosely around her body. Pulling me till I'm on the very edge of the vanity.
"I love you so much." I clasp my hands behind her neck preparing myself for the next step.
"Yes now let me show you." We both watch as she places the rubber appendage against my opening; our eyes connect as she pushes with her hips.
I didn't think it would happen or just really wishing it wouldn't. My back stiffens as I arch away from the penetration. I close my eyes as they tear up. It still happens when it just her fingers. I let out a frustrating sigh, afraid to open my eye for the fear of seeing the disappointment in her eyes. I started it and once again I can't finish it.
"It's okay Olivia. We'll try another time." Natalia tills my chin up. "Look at me, please." I open my eyes. "I love you no matter what we do. Don't push yourself if you're not ready, not for me."
"I know I just really wanted to be able to do this with you." I really did. It still turns me on just thinking about what it should be like.
"Do you trust me?"
"Of course I do, with my life."
"With your heart, soul, body?"
"Yes."
"So you know deep down that I would never force you to do anything. IF you say stop I will."
"Yes."
"How about we move really slowly? You tell me what to do and I'll do it."
"Okay." It's a start but I really wanted to give her full control. "I want you here." I hold her between my legs.
"I'm here."
"I want you to kiss me." She does, slow as she sucks my tongue into her mouth.
"Okay."
"I want you to…Um" Suddenly my tongue become tied and I become flush at the thought of saying the words.
"This?" She palms my breast messaging, before taking each nipple in her mouth, bathing them with her tongue.
"God yes." My hand tangles in her hair bringing her closer. "I want you inside me now."
Her finger poise for entrance but I stop them before they enter. "No, this." I pull at the extension. "Inside me."
"Tell me when and I'll stop." I place it back at my entrance for her. She watches me for any sign on discomfort as she push inside me. My breathe catches in my throat.
"Olivia?"
"Keep going, please." She slides further inside me, her finger slowly sliding across my swollen clit. For a second my body resists the intrusion, until it's all the way inside me.
I hear her moan as she fights for control of her body.
I rock my hip, feeling my body wrap around the foreign object like a glove. It touches places inside me I forgot about. She looks directly in my eye and it makes me feel so vulnerable, except I don't care. I would gladly walk around the rest of my life this way as long as she is beside me.
"Fuck me baby." I demand. Something in her eyes change, I've seen it before and I love it.
Inch by inch she pulls out, before pushing back inside me. I bit my lower lip, containing a possible scream as she repeats the motion.
Her hands grip my hip hard enough to bruise as she moves faster pulling me against her as our bodies collide in mid air.
"Faster."
Every thrust brings me close to the strongest orgasm I've ever had. She moves at piston speed, her body shining bright with sweat. She alternates between groaning and moaning in my shoulder, they get louder as she gets closer to cumming inside me.
My fingers dig into her back, all the blood in my body stop before rushing to one place in my body. It hits me like a tidal wave slamming me again a wall and all I can do is hang on for the ride.
She moans loudly in my ear, a strangled cry, I don't know if it's from the pain of my nail dragging down her back or from the pleasure of release.
Each push and pull pushes both of our bodies to new heights, dragging the other up. I feel her whole body become rigid. I continue rocking for her, making sure to drag the pleasure out as long as possible.
After a long minute she leans heavily against me, I know how she feels. Her shoulder acts as a pillow, my body still pulsating from the release.
Natalia wipes the sweat soaked hair from my forehead, smiling at me with so much undeserved admiration.
"Have I told you how much I love you lately?" I say half jokingly.
"A few times." She laughs playing with the ends of my hair.
"I'm sorry."
"For what?" She question kissing down my neck.
"For leaving."
"Don't worry. All is definitely forgiven."
If she can let it go I should too, but it doesn't feel like it should be that easy. "I never meant to hurt you." Maybe I'm just addicted to pain. Maybe I want to torture myself.
"Tell you what you never hurt my feelings again and I'll never eat ice cream?"
I run my fingertip down her exposed back. The fire surges through my veins. Talking is not what I had in mind and I'm hoping I can control myself long enough to explain better. "I'm serious."
"I am too. You can't make a promise like that. What you can promise is to call me. You can promise not to drink and drive and you can promise me that no matter how mad we get, you will always come back to me."
"I promise. Now you promise me something."
"What's that?" She must have felt the heat coming off of me. Her fingernails drag down my back, as we move against each other.
"Promise we'll still have amazing sex in 10 years." I force the words out, before my speech center shuts down.
"Promise even if you gain weight and have a full grown bread."
"You trying to change me into a man?" I nip at her shoulder.
"I'll call you Oliver Twist." gain she laughs which turns into a moan.
I pull her closer needing to feel every inch of us connected. "As long as I'm with you."
"Turn around."
"What?" Her demand surprises me. I'm still trying to regain my sense and sitting on this flat surface is starting to take its toll.
"I said turn around." She takes a step back.
Without another question I get down and turn around watching her through the mirror. Her eyes connect with mine in the mirror. They stay that way as she pushes on my shoulder. I take the hint and bend over. I can feel my wetness flowing down my leg a mixture of the old and the new excitement. In one quick motion she inside me. My lung expand taking in a rush of air. Her stroke quickly pushes the air out the way it came. When I thought she couldn't get any deeper, I feel it slid further and harder than before.
My nails dig into the wood scraping off the paint. It's all too much for one person to take. With in a minute, I'm caught in a web of sweet rhapsody, screaming her name in praises.
Natalia and Lindsey
"So tell me about last week." Lindsey sits crossed legged in her metal chair across from me, picking at her fries.
"You already know about it."
"Only what you planned, I want to hear how you felt."
"I don't know. It felt good. I mean we got off to a bumpy ride at first, mostly me then her, but we got past it." I shift uncomfortably. Just the thought of it is turning me on.
"Natalia." She says in a motherly tone and I break.
"Okay okay it was fantastic."
"That good huh?"
"I couldn't stop even when I promised to."
"What do you mean?"
"I promised if she said stop I would. And I didn't."
"Why?"
"You tell me." I almost yell at her. She's supposed to have all the answers. "Maybe it's that possessive streak you were talking about. I just wanted her to feel me and never forget what we have. One minute I was fine, the next something just came over me and I hurt her. I never meant to it happened before I could control it."
"So you like the control."
"Yes."
Natalia
Olivia has definitely created a monster. We're on our third hour of making love. I think we've tried every position I can think of at least twice. I don't know how to describe it's just so empowering that she trusted me enough. And I couldn't get enough. I've never felt that way. Being inside of her, being able to touch her and watch her.
Olivia's ankle locks behind my back, the headboard banging again the wall in time with my thrusting. I lost count of how many orgasms, at five. The control she had given me takes all my pleasure to new heights.
"Oh, god, baby, please." I barely recognize her voice the pitch is so high.
Lean down whispering in her war, "mine, mine." Whose is it, sounds so cliche.
Looking at her shoulder for a clear spot I find one just in the bend of her neck. She has so many hickey, she looks like she was stung by a swarm of bees. I lick the spot before sinking my teeth into the tender flesh. The taste of metallic fills my mouth as she scream, shaking under me. I thrust harder giving her all I have. Her nails dig into my lower back painfully, but it only serves to push me over the edge of ecstasy with her. Our slow rocking motion slowly comes to a halt. I release her shoulder from my mouth, slowly licking the pebbles of blood away. "God, I love you." I whisper and I mean it with every fiber of my being.
She laughs which quickly turns into a groan, when I grind into her.
I know we'll both be hurting in the morning, but I need more from her. I want her to forever feel me inside her, claiming her.
"Baby, please. I don't think I can go anymore." Olivia pushes at my shoulders.
I refuse to give up that easy. "Yes you can baby. You said that an hour ago." I kiss the soft spots on her neck. Her body squirms beneath mine. "See."
Olivia moans, before trying again. "I just need a few minutes. You promised remember." Even as she say the words her hand flex on my shoulder, pulling me closer. Her legs fall bonelessly to the bed
"Talia, just a second." She pleads.
I rise up looking in her eyes. I finally take in her words. I did promise. A sick feeling slowly settles in the pit of my stomach. My eyes travel to the purplish marks I left all over her upper body, my eyes stop on the shallow bite mark. I trace the bite mark with my finger and the sick feeling takes over my whole body. Not only had I broke my promise but I marked her like she was a piece of property. "I'm sorry." The familiar sting of tears creep in the back of my eyes.
Olivia
With one swift move she exits my body. I hiss at the sudden movement. Not that it hurt that much but I'm too sore to move. I feel like jelly as I try to stretch. My eye lids become too heavy to keep open. "Baby this is the part where we cuddle." I laugh, a few years ago this would have been impossible. I don't know if I'm just high off my own hormones or thinking clearly for the first time in a long time, but I think I can do this. This family life is what I've been searching this whole time. Listening to the hum of my body lulls me to sleep. As beautiful picture of our life fly by behind my eyes.
A chill creeping up my back wakes me from the best dream I've had in a while. I focus on the clock to find I've only be sleep for three minutes. What's even more frustrating is that the warm body of Natalia is nowhere in sight. I sit up on the bed staring at the closed door of the bathroom. I don't hear any water and I'm starting to worry. Something has to be wrong or she would be here like she should be.
I walk over to the door listening for any sound. "Natalia?" She doesn't answer. I try the knob, but it locked.
Natalia
"I don't know I just panicked. I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. You don't know how it felt." Trying to explain it to Lindsey is like reliving it all over. "I became everything I never wanted to be."
"You don't believe that."
"I did. I promised to stop and I didn't then I bit her, BIT HER. And the worst part is I meant to do it. I wanted to mark her as mine to let everyone know she belongs to someone."
"And?"
"AND? That's something He would do. You can't own people or control them. I don't want to own Olivia." She doesn't get it. I don't want to own Olivia.
"Yes you do."
"What?"
"You do want to own her and it perfectly okay."
"No its not"
"It is. Sure your jealous of Wolfe but you want to keep her safe. You want her to be yours. It's okay to want something that's just yours, that's just for you. I understand what you're saying, but you can't compare what you did to what he did. You didn't do it out of angry or malice. But what happened next."
Olivia
"Baby, open the door." I listen closely. Faintly I hear her sob. I can't believe she's crying. I walk back over to the nightstand grabbing the metal nail file. As I try to pry open the lock I notice my shoulder starts to hurt and for the first time I realize there's a bite mark decorating it. I'm going to feel that in the morning. Still I use all my strength to open it. The door pops open.
Silently I approach Natalia. She somehow squeezed between the tub and toilet her forehead resting on her knees. Another sob escapes from the cocoon she's built.
"Talia it's kind of rude to run out on me like that." It's not the best thing to say but I need to figure out what the problem is before I can try to solve it. In the few minutes she's been in here her eyes have turn red and tear track already have formed and dried on her face.
I reach out to touch her but she pulls tighter in her little space. "Baby, please talk to me. You're scaring me."
"Scaring you?" She shakes her head in what I can only guess disappointment.
"Baby just tell me what's wrong and we'll fix it."
"Don't call me that." Her voice was harsh with emotions. She holds her head back sniffing the mucus back. "I broke my promise to you."
"When?"
"Just now, you said stop and I didn't but the worst part is I didn't want to. And look at what I did to your shoulder." Her hand suspends in the air, like she reaching out to the mark but decided against it. "Marked you like something to claim."
"What! Baby no. If I really wanted you to stop I wouldn't have proposed those positions and as for this." I point at the mark. "There is no one else in the world that I would rather be claimed by. I think I did ask you to make me yours." I sit down on the cold tile floor in front of her. "But no more vampire flicks for you." I try to lighten the mood.
Natalia shakes her head in disagreement.
"Yes, baby. To prove it to you I'm going to make it scar than get it out lined with ink. Maybe we'll get matching tattoos." I pull her legs away from her body. She scoots forward.
"I'm sorry." She whispers, her eyes locked onto the love bite.
"You can't be because there's nothing to be sorry about." Switching my position I sit back on my heels. "But is you really want to make it up to me." I guide her onto the floor, settling between her parted legs.
"Do you really think I'm going to have sex on a bathroom floor?"
"Yes," Slowly I start to kiss down her body. I've always loved the way she responds to me. Her body lifts off the floor with every kiss "why not" kiss "we've done it in a public restroom" kiss "in the tub" kiss "against the door" kiss "and somehow on the commode." I stop at my destination. The sweet aroma assaults my sense. I've always thought of her as a drug. The slight smell or taste and I'm floating.
The weirdest thing happens, life flash before my eyes again; past and present. Suddenly this is real. I could spend the rest of my life with this one person, for some reason it does scare me like it used to. Maybe I should have thought of this before I asked her mother for Natalia's hand. Like an anchor Natalia's hand comb through my hair, pulling me down to her fountain.
Natalia
"So everything worked fine."
"Yes but she's been distant since that night."
"How so?" Lindsey comes to sit on the couch beside me.
"I don't know. Sometime I catch her staring but she'll look away. Or she'll be gone with Doris without telling me where she's been. She just seems distracted. And my relationship with Doris is still... like the only thing we have in common is Olivia."
"You think they're having an affair."
"It's just irks me sometimes that when she goes out with her she can't tell me where they went or what they were doing." I take a sip from the bottle of water sitting at my feet.
Doris
"So, everything went fine?" I shift in my seat. She knows I get uncomfortable talking about Natalia but I guess we are going to have to get along some where down the road
"Actually it was better than fine. I don't think I could love anyone more than I love Natalia." Olivia beams with the brightest smile only a child on Christmas morning could pull off.
"So why are you being secretive. You know she told Blake she thinks we're…" I motion between me and her.
"What?" Her eye bug out of her head.
"Yes, so why don't you tell me what's going on."
"Lately I been thinking a lot and I've come to a conclusion."
"And what is that?" I ask curious as to what Olivia could have been contemplating without me knowing.
"This." She pulls out a little black box. A diamond the size of my eye comes in to view when she flips the lid. For the first time in ages, I'm speechless.