I had planned for this chapter to be a bit longer and have one more scene, but decided against that since 1 this seems like a good ending and 2 I am going to the UK this weekend and I really wanted this up before I left. Side note; I kinda just finished it so the last part may contain more grammar/spelling mistakes. Please point them out if you want to, I'll fix them. Side note 2: I don't know if I will be able to upload another chapter before NANOWRIMO (where I will work on something else), I also don't know if I will be able to upload another chapter during NANOWRIMO. (even though I know roughly what is going to happen in it)

rebecahl97: Thank you, I try to stay close to the essences. And will keep on writing this story

Live: Uhm... it's far from finished actually... but I hope you will enjoy this chapter.

Anonymous Noob the 2nd: I hope this will help:
- Gets amnesia + dragonish Hiccup in chapter 1
- Still has amnesia but no longer dragonish Hiccup in chapter 6 (near the end that is)
- Shortly becomes dragonish Hiccup again in chapter 9
- Shortly becomes dragonish Hiccup again in chapter 11
- Regains memories from before whole enslavement in chapter 13 (so he doesn't remember being under control nor the time he has spent on berk while having amnesia)

carlo solo: I'm not gonna comment on the first part, just read the chapter XP. As for Valka, she is mentioned here, and she will come back ofc, but I am keeping her out for a reason... which sorta is given in this chapter... . Yeah I'm okay now.

Chapter 15: To understand

Astrid ran across the streets as millions of thoughts ran through her head. They all concerned Hiccup. That leg of his was still healing, the infection wasn't gone yet. Next to that he still had a fever. He shouldn't be able to get too far, then again he had surprised her several times about what he could do. Silently she begged for Toothless to talk some sense in him, but also knew the dragon had wanted to leave the place the moment he found out they were on Berk.

She looked around, hoping to see him somewhere and surprisingly she did. He was just down the hill on which Gothi's house stood. Toothless right behind him tucking his tunic probably telling him to go back to bed. She quickened her pace and within a few more seconds she stood in front of him.

"You're not fit to walk yet," she scolded and saw his surprised face.

A frown covered his face and Astrid guessed he was not expecting her and was probably trying to figure out how she knew he was trying to leave. Then Sneaky landed on her shoulder. She scratched him under his chin.

"Good boy," she told the little green creature that purred in delight.

She noticed the surprise written all over Hiccup's face and walked up to him, but he backed away, glaring at her.

"Hiccup, you have a fever and your wounds are still healing. Get back inside," she glared back and moved forward. This time he didn't back away just looked down on her, smirked and quickly stepped around her. She was just in time to get a hold on his arm and hurt him grunt in pain. He lifted his arm and she let him go simply because she didn't want him to get more hurt than he already was.

"I've had fevers before. Been hurt plenty of times before, maybe even worse than this. Never did anyone care about it, neither did you, so why would you care now?!" he snarled at her.

Astrid couldn't say a word, mostly because she was surprised he stopped his stupid silent treatment towards her. Partly because she didn't know how to put her reason into words. He turned his back on her when no answer came and continued his journey down the hill. Astrid quickly followed him.

"Hiccup, stop. You're hurt," she said and placed a hand on his shoulder to pull him back to Gothi's house. He slapped it away and glared at her.

"This is nothing compared to everything else that has happened. Especially here on Berk. I'm fine! Now leave me alone!"

Astrid watched him with a pained expression as the true meaning behind his words dawned on her. He was more hurt than just the wounds. The parts she read in his journal came to her mind. There were wounds there that couldn't be healed with any kind of medicine. Years of torture. Years in which he was cast aside, by everyone including his father. He was bullied, beaten and thrown away by the Viking society. No one ever came to pick him up. Help him. So why would he accept help now? It seemed logical he didn't care about his physical wounds as he was much more hurt mentally to accept help here.

"No matter what you say, I am leaving. Now!" Hiccup shouted at her and once more turned his back to her.

His steps were slightly uneven and wobbly. She knew his legs would give out soon… or maybe not. She didn't know how much physical pain Hiccup could have. Toothless gave the boy a look that told Astrid that the dragon was in a battle with himself. She was fairly certain the dragon wanted Hiccup to leave this island, but he also was concerned about the boy's health, which was rather terrible at the moment.

Astrid watched Hiccup slowly walk down the hill, so slow that he came to a stop. She already knew why and quickly made her way to him, catching him when he was falling forward. He seemed surprised by this, but then tried to push her away without much success as he would fall forward again. Astrid held him up, feeling his hands shaking as he was holding her shoulders to keep himself up. His head was resting on her left shoulder as well and he was panting as if he had run for miles.

Hiccup tried to get himself away from Astrid, but knew that the moment he would let go of her, he would fall down. He didn't want to be here. Not another day. Every vibe in him told him to get away from this forsaken island that only had terrible memories for him. Or perhaps there were a few good ones, but they were overshadowed by the bad ones. The only good thing he could recall was meeting Toothless. He was shaken from his thoughts when he felt a hand go through his hair, Astrid's hand. Somehow it felt nice, but he didn't want it to feel that way.

"I know you want to leave and believe me I won't stop you once your healthy, but please let me at least treat the wounds I can treat," she whispered softly.

For a moment Hiccup didn't dare to breathe as the meaning of the words hit him. He wondered if she really meant it the way he thought she meant it, yet he couldn't reply or perhaps his reply came this way for his legs would no longer keep him standing. Without much trouble Astrid caught him with both her arms so he wouldn't fall and slowly let him sit down as the world was starting to spin before his eyes. She was saying something to him, but the words felt like they came from a vast distance. He weakly shook his head as if to say he couldn't understand her, before collapsing.

Astrid let out a sad sigh as she looked down to Hiccup. She was just in time in catching him when he passed out.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and hoisted him up so to bring him back inside.

Lucky for her Toothless came to help her and she carefully placed the boy on the dragon's back. Together they brought Hiccup back to his bed in Gothi's house and soon after he woke up, frowning as he realized where he was. He sat up straight and Astrid kept an eye on him, but it didn't seem like he had any intention leaving his bed. Astrid sat on the edge of the bed, close enough so she could unwrap the bandage around his head, which was soaking with sweat. He looked startled when she placed a hand in his neck, but then looked down at the sheets.

"Your fever got worse," she said and made him look at her, "please don't try to leave again, Hiccup. You'll get yourself killed."

"I don't want to stay on Berk," he replied, sounding slightly annoyed.

Astrid stroke some of his hair away to see his head wound again. The only reason she had wrapped it up again was to make sure the ointment would stay on it.

"I know. You already made that clear, but you know you can't leave. Not in the condition you're in."

She heard him sigh as she grabbed the cloth from the water bucket next to the night stand. She wringed it out and placed it in his neck. He let out a soft hum letting her know he appreciated that coolness and then he placed his head on her shoulder. This last move surprised her, but she didn't push him away.

"Why Astrid?" he muttered.

"Why what?"

"Why are you here? Why are you looking after me? Why did you train a terror to get you when I left this room?"

She turned the cloth to the cooler side as she replied, "Because I don't want to make the same mistake twice."

When he didn't reply she decided to tell him what she had meant to tell him years ago, though the words would now be less forced then they would have been if she had said them back then.

"You… you remember the day you left Berk?" she asked as she tried to find the right words.

He let out a short hum which she took as a yes.

"What happened in the arena was partly my fault. I was going to tell your father the next day… well actually my mother was probably gonna drag me to the chief and tell him to give me the same punishment as you would get, but because you left… that never happened. I am sorry though. I always felt partly responsible for you running away, but then I heard from your mother what the chief had said and you had overheard. You ride a dragon… raided us for years. Quite honestly I don't know what's right and what's wrong anymore, but I do know that you don't deserve the way I used to treat you, so I guess this is sort of making up for all those times I hurt you," she let out a short uncomfortable laugh and put the cloth back in the bucket to make it cold again.

Hiccup stared down at the bed sheets as he felt the cold cloth being placed in his neck again. He didn't dare to look up really. He and girls, with Toothless around, now he could even understand his dragon friend, which was a free ticket to teasing. Back when he couldn't understand a word of what Toothless was saying he would already give him teasing looks. Now things were going to get worse, yet he still remained in the same position, it was rather comfortable after all.

"Hiccup are you awake?" Astrid asked as he felt her fingers travel down his neck.

"Ya," he muttered as answer, just realizing how close he actually was to her.

"I've been keeping your father out because of what he said… and what he did when found out about having Toothless as friend and the rest of it," Astrid said, as she turned the cloth to the cool side again.

Hiccup was surprised she had called Toothless by his name, but that lasted for a second for he remembered she apparently had a Nadder trained and she had trained a terrible terror to go warn her when he escaped.

"As for your mother… she hasn't tried to come in, seems like she wants to though. She talked to Gothi a few times, but is distant towards me, not sure why. I guess she thinks you don't want see her," she continued.

"More like she understands I don't want to see her," he mumbled mostly to himself, but Astrid heard it.

"Why would you not want to see her?" she asked.

When he didn't reply, he felt being pushed away from her shoulder. Part of him had really been enjoying the position he had been sitting in so was really disappointed when he was pushed away. The other part told him to stop acting foolish over a crush of years ago. What was annoying was that he really did enjoy her touch and it was probably the fact that it as her that he was still here. He would have run otherwise, he should run though. But a pair of caring and worrying eyes kept him seated in that bed. She let her fingers travel over his forehead and he winced a little when she crossed the wound there.

"Hiccup?" she said and he knew she wanted an answer to her question.

He didn't know what it was. Perhaps the way she had said his name, or maybe because the way she was treating him, or how she was touching him. It could even be everything. Whatever it was, that crush he used to have on her seemed to still be there. He had always told himself, from the moment he left Berk, he couldn't have her. No, actually he had already told himself that way before. While away it never seemed to be much of a problem to deal with. But now he was back on Berk and it was Astrid who was looking after him, standing up for him it seemed. It made all those feelings he used to have come back three times as strong than before, though he realized he probably never stopped loving her in the first place. It rendered him speechless, not willing to make a stuttering fool out of himself like he used and he looked away from her.

Probably not the wisest choice to look at Toothless though. The dragon was giving him a teasing grin and motioned his head to talk already. Hiccup let out a sigh and turned to look at the sheets again.

"She could have tried coming back. She could have… seen that Stormcutter was protecting her, if she had only opened her eyes to it. She waited to be killed by dragons sixteen-"

"Eighteen," Astrid corrected him.

"Fine, eighteen years. For someone to be taught that a dragon would kill on sight, why not wonder after a day, heck a few hours, why you weren't killed."

He looked up slightly annoyed, "I mean, I had Toothless roar right into my face. He had me pinned down, yet he let me live. Granted I passed out shortly after that, but it did get me curious as to why?!"

Astrid stared at him, but then he was taken aback when she smiled, "So that is why you asked all those questions during dragon training."

Not able to talk for his heart felt to be in his throat at that moment, he gave a simple nod and looked away. Why Thor, why did he still have these feelings for her?! What in the world was wrong with him? He really shouldn't. Why was he getting his hopes? Seriously, why?!

His thoughts were interrupted when there was knocking on the door. Toothless remained calm, so Hiccup thought it was Gothi who was going to enter when the door opened. Surprisingly it was his grandfather, who he hadn't seen since he was eight.

The man gave him a smile, "so you're still here. For a moment I thought I missed you when Ingrid told me Astrid suddenly rushed off to probably go after you. Something with a terrible terror."

Hiccup watched his grandfather look over to Astrid who called out the little dragon, Sneaky. He had to admit, she trained it rather well with the whole hiding part, even he had no clue it was still in the room. The terror enjoy the chin-rub Old Wrinkly was giving him.

"I'll leave you two alone. Send Sneaky if you need me for anything," Astrid said and left the room.

Hiccup watched her leave and then turned to look at his grandfather who grabbed a stool to sit by his bed.

"I've been trying to talk to you since your, how should I call it, announcement, in the great hall. But every time you were asleep."

"You saw that?" Hiccup asked shocked as he looked away not sure how to feel about that.

"Yes I did. Well then, do you remember anything while being on Berk before you woke up with your memories?"

Hiccup shook his head and looked up, seeing his grandfather looking thoughtful as the man mumbled an 'I see'.

"I'm sorry about leaving you here back then," the old man suddenly said, taking Hiccup completely off guard.

He hadn't expected that, especially since he never blamed his grandfather. He pinched in the blankets as he thought about the day his grandfather told him he was going to leave. Even the promise his father had made to his grandfather was in front of him. It was held for two days, not even the full two days.

"It wasn't your fault. A father should look after his child, not the grandfather," he muttered as he did his best to keep himself under control.

Really, the thought of his father, the way he acted and how he always was saying one thing first and then the complete opposite, it pissed him off. His anger faded when Old Wrinkly told him he had said the same when he had amnesia. Confused he looked at the man, who gave a sad look.

"Now that your amnesia is gone… most thereof that is, I want tell you something so you can understand."

"Understand what?"

"Your father's decisions."

Hiccup frowned and looked away, "I don't want to understand that. I don't care!"

"You do. You can deny it as much as you want, but deep down you do want to understand."

Hiccup didn't respond, knowing that it was no use anyway and partly because the man was right. He had wanted to understand for years. He had wanted to understand what he did wrong. But actually hearing it after so many years, somehow frightened him. Without another warning his grandfather started talking.

"There are many things you don't know about your parents and how one thing led to another. So let's start with when you were born."

Oh great, Hiccup thought as he dropped back down in the pillow, he was going to get listen to his entire history.

"You were born too early, were a wee little thing and your mother was terrified you wouldn't make it."

Well that explains why he was always so small, crossed his mind.

"Your father always believed you would make it, turned out he was right about that," old Wrinkly chuckled as an ever so tiny smile appeared on Hiccup's face for a short moment, "Whenever he looked at you, held you, helped your mother wherever he could, he looked proud. I had never seen that look in his face before and it has been a while since…"

Hiccup frowned while he stared at the ceiling as he found it hard to believe his father ever looked proud of him. The only thing he could remember was a scowl or a face filled with anger.

"When you were a little over a year old, your mother was taken by a stormcutter. Your father was devastated. He still looked after you, but wasn't emotionally there. I decided to help him out and took care of you as well. Slowly things started to get better again, but he missed you starting to crawl and walk, things I know he had looked forward too. By the time you were two, he seemed to have a resolve; getting rid of the dragon nest for certain so what happened to him wouldn't happen to anyone else. You probably don't remember but by then he was playing with you. Made you toys, told you bedtime stories and sang you lullabies which were horribly of key by the way."

Hiccup's frown only deepened. It didn't sound like his father at all, not like the man he remembered.

"However, as time went by, it became painfully visible how much you looked like your mother. Not just looked, but acted like her too. You were a curious little explorer and he wanted to keep you save. This is where things start to get to downhill. While your father wanted to keep you save, he also wanted you to become a strong fighter. On top if it he started to get frustrated with not being able to find the nest, resulting in focusing more on that than raising you. So, when it became clear that you weren't a great fighter for your age, and really how could you if he hadn't trained you at all, he was probably expecting you to be a natural or something, anyway, he decided to no longer take you along on his travels. He felt ashamed of you, so much he lied to keep you away from Thuggery and Camicazi."

Hiccup abruptly sat up and looked at his grandfather. Of course he knew, or rather had always thought his father was ashamed of him, and while it was the man himself telling him, this just proved it to him. Annoyingly enough it still hurt.

"I already knew that," he let out with a growl, "I knew all of that and guess what. Even when you tell me this it still sounds like I wasn't his priority. That was the safety of this damn village!"

"I'm not saying I agree with the decisions he made, Hiccup," Old Wrinkly said and gave his grandson a soft yet sad smile

Hiccup started to get a headache of this. He tried to keep his anger under control, because he wasn't angry at his grandfather.

"As for your mother –"

"I don't want to know," he interrupted his grandfather as he reached out for his head.

He was starting to feel sick.

"Hear me out, I'll keep it short, because there isn't much I can say here."

Hiccup let out a sigh and nodded, no longer willing to fight.

"She was one who didn't like violence. She didn't like the constant fighting with dragons. She was all for other solutions. She also was one of the only persons Stoick was willing to listen to and admit defeat on pretty much everything, but the dragons topic. The woman she is today is no longer the woman she was back then. I don't know what happened after she was taken by that stormcutter, but whatever it was it must have been very traumatizing. I know you blame your mother for not returning, but I am certain she has tried to come back a lot of times."

Hiccup was only half listening as he was starting feeling more nauseous with the minute. He scanned the room for a moment, then quickly stumbled out of bed to reach the bucket a little further ahead. He reached it just in time and started to vomit. Behind him he vaguely heard his grandfather saying 'go get Astrid'. He also heard Toothless jump to his feet, waking from his light slumber.

Astrid hung the clean, but drenched bandage on a rope in the room. She had helped Gothi with washing out the now mostly white bindings. Just when she was reaching out for the next one to hang on the line, Sneaky landed on her shoulder. Alarmed she ran back to the room Hiccup was staying in and found him on the floor throwing up in a bucket. Old Wrinkly looked up when she entered the room. Toothless passed back and forth, at a loss of what to do it seemed.

"I'll take it from here," she told the man, who nodded, gave his grandson one last worried look and left the room.

Astrid kneeled down behind him and rubbed his back as she tried her best not to focus on the sounds of puke landing in the bucket. She turned her head to Toothless when he stepped beside her, crooning with worry.

"Calm down, Toothless. There is nothing we can do right now."

She reached out to his snout with her free hand and petted him, which luckily calmed him down. After a few more minutes Hiccup grunted as he straightened, no longer vomiting. He looked as white as a sheet and about to pass out actually. Astrid propped herself up against the wall and pulled him against her chest.

"Astrid," he croaked somewhat shocked.

"Shh, relax," she whispered and placed a hand on his forehead, avoiding the wound there.

His temperature had definitely gone up, too much for her taste. She reached out for the cub of water on the night stand and handed it to him so he could rinse out the after taste. He did so, spitting out the water in the bucket. Then he leaned against her again as she now noticed he was shaking. He needed to go back to bed.

"Toothless, I'm going to need your help," she said as the black dragon looked over to her with a questioning face, "help me get him back in bed."

Normally she would be find lifting him by herself, but not from the position she was in right now.

"I can get to bed myself," Hiccup protested as he straightened and stumbled to his feet, only to fall forward and land on Toothless snout.

"Yes, I can see that," Astrid half laughed, getting something that probably was meant to be a glare back from Hiccup.

With the help of Toothless, Astrid got Hiccup to bed. Just when she put the sheets over him and decided to look for some extra furs, Hiccup got hold of her wrist and gave her a glazy yet serious look.

"What about this?" he muttered and pointed at the wound on his head, "no bandage?"

"If you don't touch or scratch it, it's fine without."

He mumbled a 'right' and let her go. She got some furs from a closet in the room and placed them over the sheets.

"Are you still nauseous?"

"Yes, but I don't feel like throwing up at the moment," he mumbled as answer as he lowered himself to be deeper under the sheets to gain some warmth.

She decided to quickly get an empty bucket just in case and then left the room with the one filled with puke. That was the one thing she hated about treating sick people, cleaning up their puke… that and when the wet the bed. Luckily Gothi had been so nice to that part of the job and Astrid had even managed to stay clear from puke cleaning because Ruffnut found it fun. Why in the world one would find it fun to clean up puke or see someone puke, because Ruffnut even enjoyed that, was a question to Astrid, but she wasn't going to complain. However Ruffnut wasn't around and Gothi was busy, so it was up to her to clean out the bucket.

When she entered Gothi's house again, glad to still have her food inside even after that, the woman gave her a look that told Astrid she had to tell what happened. Astrid told her what she knew as she and Gothi walked back to Hiccup's room where they found him asleep. Toothless was sitting beside the bed watching him. Gothi walked around the dragon, who stepped aside a little, surprised by Gothi, who then laid a hand on Hiccup's forehead, followed by feeling his neck. The frown she made alarmed Astrid so when Gothi walked to the table with herbs she quickly checked on Hiccup's temperature herself. He felt even warmer than a moment ago.

"I think I should stay here tonight," she said without second thought, giving Hiccup a worried look before looking over to Gothi.

The elder nodded agreeing and continued mixing herbs together. Astrid grabbed a piece of paper and quickly scribbled a message to her parents about the situation, which she gave to Sneaky with the instructions to deliver it to her parents. Then she joined Gothi, helping with making some medicine for Hiccup.