Timeline: the day Shu learned Akemi was killed.

Shuichi eyed the amber liquid and the golden glow of the glass-like cubes. Wrapping his fingers around the glass, he raised it to sip. A sour taste slipped into his mouth followed by a keen burn on his tongue and throat. He lowered the glass to the table, letting it fall heavily.

It was the last glass of the whiskey bottle he's just opened hoping to steal away his reality, but it only left him questioning how someone could feel this terrible after drinking the whole bottle.

It helped him to lose his sharpness, it was as if nothing from his surroundings existed, everything disappeared as all his energy centered around one thought, Akemi.

His eyes looked down at his phone for the fourth time in ten minutes.

'If I manage to leave the organization after this, will you go out with me as my real boyfriend? '

Yes, yes, yes… he wanted to tell her a thousand yes but as hard as it was, he preferred not to answer. He thought that making contact with her would risk her safety seeing that he's been uncovered as an FBI agent to the organization two years ago causing him to move back to America where he's been taking some smaller missions.

But now that James called him stating that Akemi was killed yesterday, he regretted it. In that moment the sure knowledge that life would go on without her, that time was only stopped for her, undid him completely. If only he knew he would've flown to Japan and protected her, he would've killed Gin before he'd killed her or he would've taken the bullet himself.

She was his only shelter back then when he sunk into the darkness of the organization, he sunk deep enough he could've turned into someone like Gin but Akemi was there to prevent it from happening and to remind him of the existing of light. And how he paid her back? By using her to get a higher ranking in the organization.

Looking at the name at the bottom of the text made his stomach roll. 'Dai kun' she didn't even get to know his real name. All he did was lying and all he got in return was her continued support and unconditional love.

One thing Shuichi didn't lie about is that he truly loved her. As if it weren't bad enough that he lost the girl he loved, he felt completely responsible for her death, that if it weren't for him she wouldn't have been dragged into the dirty work of the organization. The guilt sat on his chest and inside his brain doubling his misery.

What is to replace those roots of her? Even if she wasn't next to him there was always a root to reach her, and he was certain he was going to walk it one day until Gin decided to burn it.

Shuichi stood up just to fall back down on the couch, it was only then that he realized he was actually drunk, everything around him swayed like if they were part of a mirror maze but he needed more alcohol for his brain to shut down its thinking abilities. He toppled his way to the kitchen where he picked up another bottle of the same drink.

As he was about to open it, he heard three knocks on the door to his apartment. He didn't feel like seeing anyone so he decided to ignore it as he started drinking the second bottle but the person knocking the door was very insisting and every knock came to Shuichi's ear like a knock on his head.

She was in New York for a one-week vacation, there weren't many updates on the organization and therefore Jodie took the opportunity to fly back to her hometown for one week where she can enjoy its weather and catch up with her old friends and most importantly, see Shu whom she missed a lot.

She was planning to surprise him until James called her telling her about Akemi's death. It was the girl who stole Shu's heart and caused him to break up with her, she'd always hated her but now that she realized she's dead, she found herself feeling upset.

She felt sad for Akemi who had nothing to do with the organization except a boyfriend who happened to be an FBI agent. She thought about Shuichi and wondered how he can be handling this right now? It must be hard to him. Jodie eventually decided to cancel her visit. She couldn't just go comfort her ex whom she still loves for the loss of his new love.

Jodie took another sip of her cup of wine trying to brush the idea away from her mind only to end up failing every time. This was Shu, he friend before being anything else and she knew for sure that if she were to face a problem, he would be the first to help her. She couldn't let him deal with all of this alone, she knew that it'd kill her if she ever lost him and seeing that he loved Akemi, he must be going through the same.

Eventually, she found herself knocking on his door.

As Jodie was about to leave thinking that he is not home –despite the turned on lights - the door opened exposing the well-built man in a poorly maintained posture.

"Shu!"

"Jodie!" Shuichi said as Jodie's head moved slightly backward, the smell of whiskey was so strong in his mouth "it been a long time"

Jodie proceded to hug him, it's been a long time since she last came to New York and paid him a visit

"I know it's been six months" Shuichi hugged her back as she went on "I missed you"

" … me too"

"I heard about what happened I'm so sorry"

Shuichi nodded in return taking seven staggering paces back to the couch followed by Jodie who sat next to him. She didn't even know what to say and it made her feel uncomfortable as an awkward silence wrapped the room, maybe it wasn't the best decision to come.

"I know it's hard, I went through the same when I lost my parents" She finally added after ensuring Shu wasn't planning to say a thing " you just need to be strong and time will heal you, I know it healed to me"

"I'm fine Jodie" he finally said reaching a hand to the bottle filling another glass. His eyes, on the other hand, said otherwise.

"Did you drink all of this?" she asked pointing at the empty bottle. Akai looked at her with raised brows as if it took him a big effort to process the question.

"yeah," he answered after a while.

Jodie took away the glass from his hand "enough for tonight, you drunk a lot"

Shuichi didn't protest, he just turned his head looking forward focusing a glassy look on something, or maybe nothing.

"if there's any way I can help you, just know I'm here"

"I'm fine"

Jodie knew him better, he was not fine. He had a lot of things to say but he was just holding them back and it was just typical from him.

"okay then, I guess I should go. I'm supposed to be meeting my friends in thirty minutes. I am always just a phone call away" Jodie said intending to stand up –she did what she had to do, her conscience is clear and she was good to go- that's when Shu's head tilted to rest on her shoulder.

Jodie looked at him from the corner of her eye, not sure whether he did that on purpose or if it's a part of the loss of balance he was dealing with. He seemed smaller than usual as if he had shrunk. He used to always hold her placing her head under his chin but now he was barely able to make it to the height of her eyes with his hunched back.

"you're not fine" Jodie sighed without getting a response.

She wrapped an arm around his shoulders pulling him close. He was cold to the touch and he was indeed smaller, he got skinnier from the last time she hugged him goodbye before she headed back to Japan.

" We all need help at times like this Shu, it's okay to be sad" she gently added.

"you know, I killed her" he finally slured, being the most open version of himself.

"you didn't kill her Shu"

"if it weren't for me she wouldn't have…" he trailed off. Jodie tightened her arms around him.

"she was misfortunate that her parents were members, it had nothing to do with you"

This was the most open Shu can be, he shut his mouth and never opened it again as Jodie held him in silence.

Akai felt a sudden emptiness in his heart, a heavy feeling that's like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders and there is nothing he can do to get out from under it.

He looked tired and despite his stoic personality, he seemed to be in so much pain, enough for Jodie to notice and wonder how come he is so miserable after drinking a whole bottle of whiskey.

Guilt was eating him and Greif was pestering him and there was only the gentle hug to make it better. He stayed in her embrace with a lump in his throat though tears failed to leave his olive green eyes. Sure she was gone, but first, he had to accept that she is really dead, then maybe he can cry.

Hi! I just wanted to say that some of the meetings will be inspired by events in the manga like this one, but there'll also be some meeting inspired by pure imagination like the next one :)