Present December 2018

OLIVIA

Today has been a really good day besides the swelling in my ankles.

This heart condition isn't making anything better. It's getting harder to keep up appearances.

My last check up wasn't exactly a breezy. Jackie told me that much. Jaime is staying optimistic but I know the worst is coming upon me.

Jackie gave me a list of possible methods of care, at the bottom of the list in bold letter hospice was written out. The thing I have dreaded my whole life is coming true, dying helpless and hooked up to machines.

Although I do have a lot of help from Rafe, Doris and Jaime.

I can't believe Christmas is here already. It feels good to have made it this far if only I could ease everyone around me.

Doris is in her protective mode. I can't get her to stop hovering.

Rafe is doing exactly what I told him not to do. He's taking too much time worrying about me and not himself. I don't think he has even filled out any college applications.

Rodney has yet to call me but I'm sure the facility he's in doesn't allow phone calls this early in treatment.

Jaime is being Jaime. She doesn't show emotions often, that's why I know I can trust her to keep her cool.

I worry everyone else will blurt it out or possibly break down crying in front of Natalia.

Thinking of Natalia she still seems to be on edge. Though she does seem a little less troubled. I know something was up with her, there is no way she gave up that fast.

"Mooooooooooom."

I look up from my place on the floor surrounded by wrapping paper and old letters.

"What are you doing?" Rafe sits on the floor beside me. "It's Christmas eve, business can wait."

"It's not business, there the letters you wrote me when you left with your mother."

He picks up various letters laughs at the letter in his hand. "Aw man, what the hell was I thinking?"

"I love that letter."

"It's stupid."

"It's cute." I take the letter away from him before he tries to sneak away with it.

"I'm sorting them."

"Why aren't you resting? Doc says that's important."

"I know what she said."

"Well I don't because you keep scheduling your appointments during school, which is mean."

"I don't need you holding my hands you need to focus on your future." I shift to Indian style turning towards my oldest.

"I want to. As many times as you've been there for me I want to return the favor." Rafe bites the inside of his cheek.

We've never been the best at sentimental talks. At least we try. "What are you up to?" I change the subject.

"I was going to take Brittany her present but she still mad at me for some reason."

"She'll come around." I pat his shoulder, women are tough especially as young as they are.

"That's just the thing." Rafe stretches his leg out. "I think I'm going to break up with her."

"And why would you do that?" I shake my head, so impulsive.
"Because of the way she's acting." He shrugs his shoulder slumping forward. "I told her I was growing up and I don't think she can handle that."

I have to hold in a laugh. "Is that right?"

"Seriously, she's always on me to do this or that and I keep telling her I have other responsibilities."

"I hope you are not referring to me."

"Yes, I mean no. I just want to help you out. I can't tell her why but she should trust me, but she's always barking about this or that." He pick at the carpet like its grass.

"Have you truly thought this out?" I stack my letter back up putting them into their protective sleeve and box.

"Yea, I know Jaime is going to kick my butt but I don't see us making it if Brittany can't except I can't spend ever waking second with her."

"You used to."
"True, but-"

Three pair of feet and the sound of laughter flow down the stairs. I turn around just in time to see one naked body and two half clothed bodies run into the kitchen.

Natalia is kind of behind them her arms full of clothing. She stops at the end of the couch. "Olivia you said you were going to help me this year." She huffs.

I look up at her trying not to laugh at her wet clothing and messy hair. "You really want to help me?" I whisper to Rafe. "Go put your little sisters and brother to bed, Santa will be here in no time."

"I got it Ma!" Rafe stands up from the floor walking into the kitchen.

I stand up doing a very good job at not showing the effort it takes.

I take the clothes out of Natalia's arms taking her into mine. "I say that every year." I kiss her neck feeling her squirm in my arms. "Do you want to punish me?"

"All night." She wraps her arms around my neck, her brown eyes full of worry.

"Everything is fine." I lie.

"I know." She lies looking away.

"Then look at me and say it."

Rafe walks into the kitchen heading up stairs with Emma over his shoulder and Alex under his arm. "I got two of them, but you know."

Lexi still refuses to let males touch her. The high pitched scream is enough to kill everyone's hearing in seconds. She still hasn't warmed up to Rafe like Alex has.

"I'll get her." Natalia pulls away running her hand down my jaw.

"Goodnight Emma, Alex." I wave as they disappear with Rafe.

"Goodnight!" They both scream from the stairs.

"Get some sleep or Santa will pass our house."

They both laugh.

This is probably the last year they will believe in Santa and the last year I'll be here with them if this doesn't go my way.

Natalia follows Rafe's path with Lexi on her hip.

'Goodnight.' I sign to my youngest.

'Goodnight' She signs back burying her face in Natalia's neck.

The doorbell rings pulling my attention away from my disappearing wife and child.

"I'll get it." I open the door coming face to face with Rodney and Doris. "Wow."

I'm stunned at how good Rodney looks in just a few weeks and even more stunned that he's here. We had planned to spend Christmas here then New Years with him.

"What are you doing here?" I pull his stiff body into an embrace.

"You're really going to ask me that question after what you sent me."

"Shh." Look back at the stairs and sure enough Natalia is still there with Lexi watching us.

I step back grabbing my coat off the hanger. "It's just Rodney and Doris I'll be up in a minute to put them down." I close the door behind me guiding Rodney and Doris a few steps away from it.

"That's fucked up Olivia." Rodney sneers at me.

"Well what did you rather I do, I tried calling you but I couldn't so I texted you and I figured when ever they let you have your phone back you would know what's going on."

Rodney shakes his head in disappointment balling his fist by his side.

"It's still good to see you." I pinch his side.

He tries to hide it but I see the smirk on his face.

I wrap my arms around his waist. We embrace for longer than needed but we both need this. One day I'll have give everyone a goodbye hug with or without them knowing.

Rodney turns to Doris and her unusual silence.

She holds the vanilla folder under her arm with a very serious scowl on her face. It's unmistakable, she is pissed.

"What?" I ask knowing the answer and hoping the papers in the folder are one of the last pieces to my puzzle.

Doris leans against the rail while Rodney sits atop it.

"I don't get it." She slaps the folder on her open palm.

"I know."

"No don't say you know because you don't. What I want is an explanation and a damn good one." Her lips are tight making all the words string together. She's sexy when she's mad.

"Did you file it?"

"Yes but I want to know why on earth you would request something like this." She opens the folder flipping through the pages.

Rodney leans over reading the papers. "Holy shit Olivia you signed a DNR."

"Its not."

"It is." Doris jumps in, "I Olivia Spencer would like no heroic measure preformed to preserve my life."

"There is more to it."

"You have a potentially fatal disease!"

I take a deep calming breathe. "I know you read the rest or you wouldn't have signed it. I asked that I not be kept alive on a ventilator or feeding tube if I'm already brain dead or just flat out dead. I know I have a disease that will eventually incapacitate me and I would love it if the person I trusted knows how I feel and will not let me waste away."

Doris turns away from me. The fog of her breath comes faster.

I step behind her holding her close to me. "You have to understand that one day it will happen. I have and I think this is the best thing to do while I still can. I don't want people or machine poking and prodding me or cleaning me. I don't want to be a vegetable."

"Why?" She lays her head on my shoulder, eyes closed.

"You know why." I kiss her cheek.

Rodney jumps off the rail with a lost look. "I don't get it, all the money we have there has to be a way to…maybe hold off until you can get to the top of some transplant list. There has to be a black market for this kind of shit."

Doris twists out of my hold. "I thought I told you to minimize your role in this conversation!" She yells stepping right in Rodney's face.

"What's going on?" Natalia steps outside onto the porch.

"Nothing sweetie. I was just inviting Doris and Rodney to the dinner tomorrow."

Natalia gives Rodney a dirty look, the kind she always gives him when he relapses.

Rodney concentrates on everything except my wife.

We stand in the silence of the night. "Um, babe can you give us a few more minute I'll be right there."

Natalia's eyes bounce between the three of us. She has to know something is wrong the way Rodney and Doris refuse to look at her. "Sure. Don't be long."

I wait for her to close the door before tuning back to my long time friends.

"What hell was that?" Rodney finds his voice. "Tell me she knows about all this or are you planning on sending her a text too."

"It's none of your business; I'll tell everyone when I'm ready."

Rodney huffs shaking his head at me.

"So tomorrow?"

"Maybe New Years I don't feel like everyone looking at me funny." Rodney fiddles with his shirt tail.

I didn't think I was going to have to pull out the big guns this early but here goes nothing. "Please. This could be my last Christmas and I wanted to spend it with everyone."

I see Doris stiffen but Rodney plays right into my hand.

"When you put it like that." He pulls out a cigarette lighting it.

"Don't blow that in her face, put this shit out." Doris snatches the stick out of his mouth. "And you." She points at me. "That is not fair for you to use that against us."

"Your right but I would really appreciate it you showed up."

"Fine." Doris shoves the folder into my arms. "Let's go Rodney."

"Bye Green." Rodney gives me a quick hug before jumps off the porch and running to catch up with Doris.

NATALIA

After as wild night and an even crazier morning we finally convinced the children their toys would be there when they got back, we made it to Lindsey's and Jaime's on time . Even Johnny, Doris and Rodney came on time.

Now that dinner is over every one has disappeared into different rooms.

Today when rather smoothly, I hate to ruin it but it has to be done. I can't sit by any more. I can't wait and see like last time I need to take charge and I need to do it now.

Blake, Lindsey and I sit at the cleared off table trying to finalize the plan. Lexi is in my lap. She still has a problem with too many men around.

"So we're still doing this?" Blake takes a sip from her coffee mug. I can tell she is nervous with energy.

To tell the truth I am too. It took all I had not to say anything to Olivia last night.

"I have to, I can't wait any long its killing me."

"Well I agree. Even Jaime has been acting weird not to mention Doris. I think they know what is going on. I know she is keeping a secret about what, I don't know."

Blake nods her head. "Did she ever say anything about the you know what?"

"Nothing, for a while I thought maybe they were Rafes' and that is why he was acting so crazy but now he seems fine. He goes to school; he works with her all day and comes home without an attitude. He's almost too helpful."

'What' Lexi turns signing to me.

I forget she is here a lot of the times. This is something she doesn't need to worry about. Alex nor Emma need to know what going on. 'Nothing, go play with your brother.'

She slides off my lap with her lip poked out. Any other time I would let her stay knowing she won't utter a word about our conversations but this is different.

I wait until she is gone to continue. "But here lately Olivia has been more absent and tired all the time. Her eyes are always red and she can hardly sleep through the night. I'm so worried I can't think about anything else."

"I think we are doing the right thing here." Lindsey reaches across patting my hand. "I'm glad we are doing this as a group that way she knows she has all of our support and maybe it's a good thing Rodney is back. She'll listen to him."

"I hope so. Then again I hope I'm wrong or if she did relapse that is over now. And we can move on from here."

"So when do you want to do this?" Blake fixes herself another drink.

"As soon as Father Ray gets here I want to start."

"Where is everyone anyway?" Lindsey looks around.

She is right is it almost too quiet.

OLIVIA

"Would you please stop hovering?" I try to say with a lot more growl in my voice. I could if I could catch my breath. Since this morning it has seemed impossible for more that a few minutes.

"Olivia I think we need to take you to get checked out." Jaime says frowning at the thermometer.

"I'm fine if you three would just give me some room."

Doris and Rodney take small steps back.

I rub my temples trying to ease a headache that has been lingering since last night. I guess I over did it with Natalia's Christmas present.

"I talked to Jackie." Jaime says with a disapproving tone that I've become so used to.

"So did I." I snap back only succeeding in making my headache worse. But the last thing I need is them in agreement. Jackie is already getting on my nerves, her practice is in Chicago but somehow she is always here.

"Olivia you have a temperature."

"How much did you pay for your degree?"

Jaime pulls out her stethoscope sitting behind me on her bed. "You can be as sarcastic as you want that doesn't change that you need to go to the hospital. I need to run a full set of test on you."

"God Jaime it's nothing." I try to swipe her away. That move alone made me dizzy.

"It's not okay. Now be still and take some deep breathes."

Rafe

"Okay are you going to tell me what your problem is or not." I step into Brittany's room followed closely by Emma and Alex.

I can't get a minute to myself without them. "Would you two leave me alone?"

"We want to play with Brittany not you." Emma sticks her tongue out at me.

"No." I push both of them out of the door. At the same time Brittany punches me in the back not the flirty kind of punch. It really stung.

"Don't talk to them like that. They are just children Rafe." She gets down on her knees, eye level with them. "Emma I would love to play with you but right now I need to talk to your brother."

"Are you going to play with me?" Alex pushes Emma to the side.

"Of course how could I forget my favorite little man?" Brittany ruffles Alex's hair before getting up and closing the door.

She looks very serious.

But I'm serious too. This attitude she's had has been going on for far too long. Either it has to change or I'm finished.

I sit down on top of her desk putting my feet in the chair. "So what's been going on with you lately?"

"I'll ask the questions." She plops down on her bed pulling one of the fuzzy pillows in her lap. "What are your plans?"

"What plans?"

"Your future plans Rafe you haven't filled out a single college application nor have you been to tour campuses."

"I already told you I'm not going to college." For the last 3 weeks we've had this conversation and it always ends with her storming out.

"So what you're just going to live off of your parents for the rest of your life?"

"I'm going to help Olivia run the hotel, what does any of this have to do with anything?" I push the chair out with my feet then pull it back in.

"How are you going to support a family?"

"A family? God Brit you act like I'm poor or something." I get up pacing the room. "I mean I know your so god damn smart-"

"Don't yell at me!"

"Don't interrupt me." I catch my finger before I stick it in her face. "We have plenty of time to figure life out all I want to do is spend a few months with you before you go off to college."

"So what we are supposed to have along distance relationship?"

"It could work." I shrug my shoulders trying to calm the sudden anger coursing through me.

"You're already sleeping with other girls I'm supposed to trust you while I'm away." She throws the pillow at me but I dodge it.

"I told you it was once and last year. Plus I didn't do anything to her she did me." It's not like she's putting out. I respect her right to say no but a man can only take so much. While other guys are having sex constantly I only get it about twice a month that's not supposed to happen until the second year of marriage.

"So that makes it better?" She picks up another pillow poised to throw it too. "I refuse to let you walk in and out of this relationship."

"Fuck it we don't have to have one."

She looks up at me shocked. She definitely didn't see that coming. As I expected the tears gather in her eyes. She gets off the bed walking to the place I was sitting. She opens the draw pulling something out.

Maybe she is right if I don't go to college then we will have a long distance relationship. There will be other guys for her and other girls throwing themselves at me just because of my name. I can't help that. But if she can't see how much I've grown in the last few months that's her problem I'm sure I can find another girl.

The problem is I want Brittany.

Brittany turns back to me with folded papers tucked tight.

I might as well tell her now.

"I want to break up." "I'm pregnant." We say the words at the same time and our reactions are about the same. Mouth open catching flies.

I feel like the wind was just knocked out of me. Jaime is going to kill me.

"You what?" She gasps holding the paper to her chest.

"Wait, you're what?"

"You want to break up with me?" Brittany whispers leaning heavily against the desk.

I take two big steps snatching the paper out of her hand. They're sonograms. Holy shit I'm going to be a father. Jaime is going to kill me.

So many feelings flow through me fighting for control. Disbelief finally wins.

How do I know it's mine?

Don't say it Rafe.

Even as I tell myself not ask I say it anyway. "How do I know it's mine?"

Brittany straights to her full height, which is 3 inches taller than me, with fire in her eyes. I see her hand but I can't react. The sting from the slap hurts but I'm still in shock.

"Fuck you Rafe, you're the one fucking everything that walks and you wonder why I won't have sex with you." She starts for the door.

"Okay wait." I grab her around her waist putting my hand over my son. God my son it sounds weird. "I didn't mean that, you know that, I just have so much on my mind right now. I love you."

She breaks out of my hold. "Don't worry about it Rafe you don't have to stick around because of this if you want to leave me then go."

"No I don't want to break up. I just…" I sit on the bed staring at the picture. My eyes start to sting.

How can it be that my mom is dying and I have a child on the way? She might never get to see him. She might not be around for his first steps, or words, or Christmas. He'll never know her like I want him too. It'll just be stories and pictures of his grandmother.

"Oh my god Rafe what wrong?" Brittany sits beside me with her arm around my shaking shoulders.

"You can't tell anyone." How pathetic am I that I'm crying in front of my own girlfriend.

"Baby, tell me what's wrong?"

"Olivia's dying." I hold my head down.

"What? Oh my god." She squeezes me tighter. "How, why?"

I'm so choked up all I can do is point at my chest.

"I'm sorry."

I hiccup a couple of time before I can speak. "I don't know what I'm going to do. My mom is dying and there is nothing I can do."

"You're lying!"

I snap my head to the door to see Emma and Lexi standing there. "You're lying!"

They both take off running in different directions.

I run after Emma knowing Lexi will scream her head off if I touch her. Brittany goes after her.

I catch Emma right before she can make it into the kitchen where Ma is.

I put my hand over her mouth taking her upstairs and back to Brittany's room. Brittany is already there with Lexi in her lap.

I feel Emma's tears running down the back of my hand.

I sit her down on the bed beside Brittany and Lexi.

"You're a stupid liar." She practically spits in my face.

"Emma shut up. Okay, just be quite." I hiss at her.

She buries her face in Brittany's shoulder still crying.

I take a few deep breaths. Out of the corner of my eye I see Johnny pass by the open door then I see Dr. Rooks.

What the hell is she doing here?

"Brittany I'll be right back, keep them here."

I walk out of the room and follow Dr. Rooks into Lindsey and Jaime's bedroom.

Olivia is lying on the bed with her shirt open looking very agitated. "Oh who the hell called her?"

"Rafe close the door." Jaime orders.

I do then take my place beside the bed. "What's going on?"

"Nothing Rafe." Olivia tries to sit up but Jaime pushes her back down. "I told you to lie down and I mean it."

Dr. Rooks puts down her bag opening it. "Hi Olivia."

Olivia grunts at Dr. Rooks.

"How is she doing?"

"Better now. Her heart rate and blood pressure were through the roof. I think we need to do a full work up." Jaime moves to give her room next to Olivia.

"What I think is that we need to go ahead with an implant. Your arrhythmias are getting dangerous and more frequent." Dr. Rooks talks to Olivia.

Olivia sits up batting away Jaime and Wolfe's hands. "I'm fine now. I told you I just over did it last night."

"Yea you should have heard them." I almost laugh but the look on Olivia's face stops me.

"Rafe."

"Sorry." I duck back, I don't need her mad at me too.

"Great how are we supposed to explain Jackie to Natalia?" Olivia says buttoning her shirt.

"How about you just tell her what's going on?" Rodney throws his hands in the air.

"Was not talking to you." I help Olivia stand up. "You know its going to look real suspicion with all of us in this room."

That is so true. I'm surprises Ma hasn't come to see where everyone is.

Right on cue Ma walks in, her eyes jumping from one person the next before landing on Dr. Rooks. "Hi."
"Hi." Dr. Rooks waves.

"Father Ray is here I need everyone in the main room." She looks serious so I know it's not just about Father Ray arriving. There has to be some significance to him being here.

Everyone begins to march out leaving me and Ma trailing behind. I start to follow them but she puts her hand on my arm stopping me.

"Rafe I need you to watch your brother and sister."

"Ah come on Ma, I'm not a child. If something is going down I think I should be able to attend the meeting."

She looks like she is about to disagree for a second.

"What's going on?"

"I guess you are growing up." Ma pulls me back into the bedroom. "We are having an intervention for Olivia."

"What?" I almost laugh and then I remember that Ma doesn't know what's really going on with Olivia.

"I guess you can sit in and say what you have to. Don't interrupt we are handling this." She walks away from me.

I follow her down stairs wondering if I should warn Olivia or just sit quietly and watch it all unfold.

OLIVIA

I hold on to Doris slightly trying to regain my balance after the long journey down the stairs. "What is this about?" I whisper in her ear as we disconnect.

"Blake wouldn't tell me."

We all stand around in the room not looking at each other. Natalia and Rafe make their way down stairs.

I know this is nothing good when Natalia has that determined look on her face.

"I want to thank everyone for being here and sharing a lovely evening with our family. " Natalia starts. She walks to me pulling me to the couch. "Please sit."

I do but only because I'm tired of standing already.

"Some of you do and don't know that this evening is more than about getting together for Christmas it's about helping the people we love."

Father Ray, Blake, Lindsey and Johnny's eyes are all staring intently at me.

"It's about love and a dedication to one another." Natalia addresses the whole room then sits by me taking my hand.

That look in her eyes has doubled by ten folds.

I look at Rafe who looks like he is about to explode. His mouth is pinched tight.

"Olivia." Natalia draws my attention back to her. "I love you, we love and that's why we have gathered here to help you in your time of need."

Who told her?

"I know the last few weeks have been rough and I want to help you through what ever it is that is plaguing you. We all do." She sweeps her hand around the room.

Okay what is she talking about; it can't be about my heart unless someone here wants to donate.

"You have a drug problem and we are going to help you through recover again."

My mouth drops open at her statement, so do Rodney's and Doris's. Jaime makes a loud groan shooting laser at Lindsey.

"N-Natalia-" I stutter.

"Before you say anything I have to say this." She pulls out a piece of paper unfolding it. "Your addiction has hurt a lot of people in the past including me."

I stand off the couch backing away from her. "Natalia listen to me. I'm not using okay!"

She keeps reading. "I love you but I can't stand by and watch you destroy yourself and everything you've worked for."

"Shut up!" I yell over her. I regret it but the angry is rising. I'm mad at myself for not being able to stop my body from killing its self but I'm really mad because for a second I wished it was that simple. I'll take a relapse over this any day.

She stops reading glaring angrily at me. "I'm trying to help." She wipes at the tears that streak down her face.

"I'm sorry, I know." I take her in my arms feeling her hug me tightly.

"I love you and I can't lose you to this again." She sobs into my shoulder.

RAFE

"Let's give them a second." Father Ray tries to usher everyone out but Olivia pulls Ma into the kitchen area away from us.

Brittany comes down stairs looking around the room. "What happened?"

"Tell me you didn't know about this intervention." I whisper to her.

"No, for Olivia?"

"Yea, I think Lindsey knew."

We both watch as Jaime whispers to Lindsey. She seems really mad.

Doris, Johnny and Rodney are huddled in their own corner whispering.

Silence falls between us and then I remember the news she dropped on me just minutes ago. "Have you been to the doctor?" Of course she has, where else would she have gotten those pictures, but I need something to say.

"Yes." Brittany rubs here arms refusing to look at me. "I talked to Dr. Gibbs, he said it's not too late to terminate."

"What!" I say too loudly gaining everyone's attention.

I pull Brittany into our own corner. "You aren't getting rid of my kid."

"You don't even want it; you just tried to break up with me."

"It doesn't matter if we are together or apart this kid is ours. We made it and I'm not going to sit by and let you kill it." I'm seething at the thought that she would even entertain the ideal of getting rid of it. For all I know she could have done it without my knowledge I would have never known I had a child on the way.

"I wasn't going to do it anyway." She pushes me which isn't effective but I step back any way to give her space. "I'm just giving you a way out." Brittany starts to cry taking a step from me.

I pull her back to me hugging her around her waist. "Look, I think we've just had a breakdown of communication here. We're good together. Right? We've just both been busy but from now on I'm going to be here for you and our baby." I put my hand on her stomach. "I need you to realize that I need to help Olivia too. But I promise to make us a family even when you go to school."

Nope, I'm not going to be like Nicholas. I'm going to raise my son to be someone. He'll never have to be scared of anything including me. I have to do this right so he'll know what a family is like from the time he is born. I have to be the man Olivia tried to raise me to be. "Brittany, will you marry me?"

Brittany looks up at me in disbelief. "You don't have to do that."

I shake my head. Everyone will think I did it for the baby and maybe they are partly right but I do love Brittany and I want to prove I can be what she needs. "I want to. You two are everything to me and I would do anything to make you happy. Say yes."

"Rafe. Jaime would kill me."

We all jump at the shattering glass coming from the kitchen. "No!"

Everyone runs to the door to find Ma on the floor holding on tight to Olivia. Her cries can probably be heard down the street, but no one can blame her. Who wants to hear you're wife is dying.

Brittany wraps her arms around my waist and whispers behind me. "Okay."