Chapter 10:
Clarke:
"Are you okay" she asked in between pants.
"I'm perfect." I said rolling over on my side and snuggling into her pulling the blanket over us.
We fell asleep like this listening to the fire crackle behind us.
I rolled over to be faced with the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on, even with her makeup smeared from sleep and her hair a mess she was stunning.
I know that when I first noticed her on the street corner, and realized she was part of a gang, I wanted nothing to do with her...ever, but after talking to her during her overnight stay and seeing just how lovely and kind she really is, I knew I wanted to know more. Also, the more we have been around each other the more I am completely comfortable with her and trust her. I knew now that she would never let anything bad happen to me.
The fire had long died out and both of us had gotten redressed during the night because we were chilled. I continued to look at her peacefully sleeping until she was jolted awake and I out of my skin.
"LEXA!!!" we heard from the doorway. "Lexa, you little shit, where the fuck are y...WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!"
"Uncle Nyko! What the hell are you doing here?" Lexa asked the raging man the was now standing over us.
"Well, I could ask you the same fucking question," he responded.
"I'm here with Clarke, my girlfriend!" Lexa said standing up facing him
"Your girl...girlfriend. What are you a dyke now?" he said laughing
"Not that it's any of your business but yes, I'm attracted to woman. I am here, on a date, with my GIRLFRIEND."
"That's disgusting….in the family cabin? You are a disgrace."
"Yea well some might say your lifestyle of excessive drinking and bringing hookers here at all hours of the night is a disgrace as well."
"And you mean to tell me this blonde bimbo isn't a hooker?"
"No! She isn't!" Lexa screamed getting even closer to his face, backing him into the corner. "Clarke is a smart, kind, beautiful doctor that owns her own practice and had done more with her life in a few short years then you've done in your entire worthless existence."
"Lexa, let's just go" I said walking up behind her holding my belongings and her car keys.
"Yes, let's get out of here. You're too good for this place anyway now."
We walked out of the cabin to her car and got in. We sat there in silence until we got out to the main road. She spoke first.
"Clarke, I'm so sorry about that. That is not how I wanted this morning to start." she said stealing quick glances at me as she drove.
"It's fine Lexa. Not like you asked for it to happen." I responded staring out my window.
"No, I know, but I still want to apologize for my douchebag of an uncle." She continued taking the on ramp to the highway. "Is there anywhere else or anything you'd like to do?"
"No, I think i just want to go home and have a shower and relax." I stated still staring out the window.
"Oh, ok." You could hear the disappointment in her voice
The ride back was quiet after that. I wasn't in the mood for talking. I wasn't mad at her, it wasn't her fault, but because of my past with Finn, arguments and conflict made me anxious. I just needed some alone time to sit and relax before I found myself in a panic attack or snapping at someone. She pulled into the parking lot at work where I had left my car and cut the ignition.
"Are you upset with me?" she asked turning her entire body to face me.
Lexa;
The ride back to the city was uncomfortably quiet. I could tell she was upset, but I didn't want to push her to upset her more, so I drove in silence. As we pulled into the parking lot I knew I had to ask or it would bug me.
"Are you upset with me?" I asked turning to face her.
"I'm not upset at you. I'm on edge. Remember what I told you last night about Finn?" she said still not looking at me.
"Yes."
"After that incident with him, not only was it hard to trust people afterwards, but it also made me extremely uncomfortable with conflict, arguments, fights, any tension like that puts me on edge and I shut down. Nothing you did, I'm sorry, this is just my way of processing." She said finally looking at me.
"I understand. I'll talk to you later." I said leaning in and kissing her on the cheek.
She exited my car and I watched her get into her own and start it before I pulled away. I entire drive home I felt anxious about Clarke, about Uncle Nyko. I hope that prick didn't do anything to affect my current and possible future relationship with Clarke. When I got home I took a shower and collapsed into my bed. I did my best to not let this morning get under my skin and make me even more anxious and upset. I laid there and closed my eyes my eyes and fell asleep for a nap.
Over the course of the next week and a half I had barely talked to Clarke. She was staying quiet and I refused to allow myself to push her. In the meantime I allowed myself to shut down. I was a mess. The worst I've been since Costia. It had now been a total of 8 days since I had seen her. I had just flopped down on the couch with my 6th beer of the day when I heard a knock on the door.
"What?" I yelled. I didn't hear a response but rather another knock. "Come in!"
The door handle turned and the bright noon sunlight illuminated my dark beer bottle empty takeout container covered floor. I couldn't see the face of the person at first but when I finally did I was in shock.
"Clarke?"
Clarke:
It had now been 8 days since I last saw Lexa. I didn't talk to her much as I was still figuring out everything. Then when I did, I wanted to talk to her in person her than over the phone. I decided to drive over to her apartment and surprise her. The drive over went fairly quickly and soon I was standing at her door. I knocked lightly.
"What?" I heard from inside. I knocked again.
"Come in!"
I turned the door handle and the high noon light lit the dark room. The smell of booze and takeout was almost overwhelming. I looked at her to see her squinting to see who had entered her apartment.
"Clarke?" she said finally seeing me.
"Lexa, what are you doing to yourself?" I asked looking around the living area.
"You know what? I don't even know. I'm trying to forget about you, or comfort myself or something." she said, "What are you doing here?"
"I'm here to talk to you, but first let's fix you up here."
"I'm fine, I'll take care of it myself." She said standing up and stumbling backwards while bending over to pick up some if the trash.
"Lexa, just sit down and sober up." I said taking the beer away from her, "I'll clean up a bit here then we'll talk, okay?"
I spent a majority of the afternoon cleaning her apartment. By the time I finished, it was just after 5 and she was starting to really sober up. I put her in the shower and returned to the kitchen to the kitchen area to cook her a real dinner. She had the makings for pasta and sauce so I started that. She came down the hall out fresh out of the shower in shorts and a tank, her long wavy hair hung damp over her shoulders.
"How are you feeling now?" I asked
"Better, embarrassed, but better." She said looking around. "Thank you, for everything."
"Don't mention it." I answered draining the pasta and serving two plates.
She poured two glasses of iced tea and we sat down and ate.
"So I came here to talk to you. I know we haven't talked much in almost 2 weeks, but I needed time to settle myself. If I had known you were this bad I wouldn't have taken this long."
"Not necessarily your fault Clarke. I let my mind take control." She said
"What I was coming over to say was…" I hesitated. I knew what i wanted to say but didn't want to mess it up, but I chickened out...for now. "I missed you Lexa...a lot."
"I missed you too." She said smiling,
We finished dinner and worked together to clean up. It went quickly and then we decided to hang out and watch some netflix together,
Lexa:
After we cleaned up the dinner mess, we decided to hang out and watch some TV together. We thought it would be good to spend a bit more time together. We sat together on the couch close and started a series about a post apocalyptic world in which a 100 teenaged prisoners are sent down to earth from a space station where the human race has been living for almost a hundred years to check survivability. Halfway through the third episode she nuzzled into my side and laced her hand in mine.
"I've missed this the most." She said. "I'm sorry I disappeared. Apparently I'm not as strong as I thought."
"Clarke, you are one of the strongest people I've ever met. It's one of the reasons that I…"
"That you….?" She urged me to continue looking up at me.
"That I love you." I said quickly before I could chicken out. I watched her face light up with happiness
"I love you too Lexa. That's what I really wanted to say to you earlier.
We shared a steamy kiss before returning our attention to the screen.