Chapter 4: Unbidden
Kylo Ren looked around his mother's quarters. It looked dreary and simple. Not really fit for a princess he thought.
As he looked around he could see the evidence of her illness. Different kinds of medicine were strawn about her room and her bed was unmade. It looked like she had hastily got up now but otherwise had spent the rest of her days there.
"Ben. I am so glad you came." She said on a soft and calm tone. Almost soothing.
Kylo did not know how to feel about it.
He turned around and looked at her. He knew he was probably frowning but he couldn't care less. He gave her a long look studying every part of her. She looked old. Perhaps even beyond her years.
"I thought you were dead." He let out.
"Not yet." Leia breathed out.
"No. I meant, before. When your ship exploded months ago. I thought you had died." He paused. "Until you started reaching out for me again through the Force."
"Yes." She sighed and flinched slightly, holding her side. "Mind if I sit?" She gestured towards the bed.
Kylo just shook his head but made no attempt to help her sit down.
With a soft grunt Leia sat down and then looked at her son and smiled. Her heart was so relieved he had come. And she told him that.
"I am not here to stay." He replied. "I only came to ask you to surrender." He stated.
Leia's eyes grew wide. She opened her mouth to speak but Kylo spoke first.
"I know you think you are doing well, but I am wining. And you know just as well as me that I will eventually win." Kylo touched his lightsaber and squared his shoulders, as if to show his mother the full height of the Supreme Leader of the First Order.
"All you are doing is prolonging this war. It's causing loses on either side, it's true. But more so on your side." He finished confidently. He believed what he said and he wished that for once he could convince his mother of the truth.
Leia regarded her son for a long time. She took in his thick hair, his patrician nose ( so much like his father's it made her smile) and his piercing black eyes. She looked at his stature, taking in the full power of his presence, the way his personality seemed to fill the room.
And strange enough, that made her think of Rey.
She smiled at Kylo.
He threw her a skeptic look before marching towards her. He stopped in front of her.
"So? Do you accept surrender?" He regarded her curiously, trying to manipulate her emotions through the Force. Trying to make her change her mind.
"Oh Ben. That won't work. You forget who my family is." She laughed softly. The laughter irritated him deeply. Suddenly he felt like a child again. And he remembered that feeling again. Of trying to impress his mother, garner her attention away from military strategy and towards himself. And he remembered how he failed. Every time. With a sharp look at her he turned around and strode across the room, hands clasped tightly behind his back.
"Is this a joke to you?" He got out between gritted teeth. "You know I can have you and your pathetic rebel base drstroyed in a matter of seconds. Part of me wonders whether you would be moved then? Because this has been your child, correct?" He looked at her then with an accusatory look.
Leia's heart went out to him. Her little boy, hidden beneath the mask of a ruthless emperor.
"Oh Ben. Is that what you think? That I have loved them more than you?" She said.
"I know you have. Otherwise you would have not given me away. And stop calling Ben. That's not my name. That is the name you gave to a child that was once yours. Now, I am neither yours nor a child. My name is Kylo Ren." He said calmly but forcefully.
Leia was struck at his words but could feel the pain behind them so she did not push him.
"That's why I called you here. I wanted to ask for your forgiveness. I was young and foolish. I was an idealist and I was terrified of the power I saw in you." She said soflty in between gasps of pain.
"You have to understand." She pleaded. "I saw what that thirst for power did to my father. I did not want that for my son. And I tried to keep you safe in the best way I knew. I see now that I was wrong." She looked at the floor. And then straight into Kylo's eyes. "I should have kept you with me. And for that I am sorry. I am sorry I took away the life you could have had and personally condemned you to such a lonely existence. Please forgive me Ben, Kylo." She finished almost out of breath.
Kylo was conflicted. He hated being conflicted. It had brought him immense amounts of trouble. He did not want to feel anything towards his mother. But he did. He felt a deep hatred. He felt pity. And most of all he felt like he desperately wanted to curl at her chest and hold on to her and never let her go.
But all those feelings...they were part of Ben Solo. The man he had put to death.
Kylo Ren had no family. No pity. Mercy was something he could not afford.
"You don't need to apologise to me. Your son is dead. I am a new man now. I am not Ben Solo. You have no debt towards me. Since you will not relent, I will take my leave. I have spent enough time behind enemy lines without attempting to destroy you all. Good day madam." He nodded and went towards the door. But not before seeing Leia wince and a tear escape her eye.
"What about Rey?" Leia raised her voice.
Kylo froze.
"What about her?" He said not turning around.
"She is your equal in the Force. I saw the lightsaber. It broke in two equal parts. Surely you know what that means." Leia grunted out.
Kylo turned around and looked at her not able to hide the question in his eyes. He did not know what it meant and he desperately wanted to find out.
"You don't know what it means." Leia said puzzled. "but how could you not know?"
Kylo frowned. It was a weakness. He disliked being reminded of his weaknesses.
"It means that she completes you." Kylo frowned harder not liking the way that sounded. Or liking it too much, he wasn't sure.
"It means that you will never be able to defeat the other because your destiny, your calling in the Force is to unite. When you come together you restore balance to the universe. But you can only do it together. As long as you oppose each other in the Force, the tension will only grow. And that has a ripple effect on the whole galaxy." She added passionately.
"Are you quite finished?" Kylo asked impatiently.
Leia regarded him for a while. She desperately wanted to scratch that tough surface he was showing her and see the rawness. Impulsively, she said.
"Do you love her?"
Kylo Ren turned around sharply and glared at his mother. How dare she?
"No." He stated. "I am leaving."
"Ben, wait. I just.. do you have nothing else to say?" She pleaded with him and he could see she was crying. "I will... I will be gone soon. And we will never be able to do this. Please say you forgive me. Please."
Kylo Ren was conflicted. Again. And he hated the feeling beyond anything else.
"I cannot forgive you. You abandoned me. Your own son. And you loved them. They are more your child than I ever was." He gestured in the direction of the common room. "Besides, Ben Solo is dead." And with that Kylo Ren turned around and exited his mothers quarter, the tightness in his chest incredibly familiar. He welcomed the pain he felt inside. He welcomed it because it numbed any other feeling.
And for the first time in months, it allowed him to not be consumed with thoughts of Rey.
A*A*A
The same could not be said of Rey, who was currently viciously destroying every tree in the training field.
The worse thing was that it wasn't just her thoughts or emotions she couldn't control.
But the Force. She felt strange using it. She felt the pull towards Kylo everytime she did use it. And it was all the more stronger because he was nearby.
"I can't believe you chose this over rulling the galaxy with me." Kylo said casually, making Rey jump with surprise. He was walking slowly towards her and did not stop until he was about a foot away from her. Rey gripped her staff harder, prepared for a fight.
"Why do you always do that?" He said softly looking at the tight grip she had on her staff. "Why do you assume I will attack you?" He looked at her quizically. "Am I such a threat? Are you afraid of me?" He smirked slightly.
"I am not afraid." Rey said passionately, not backing down.
"Hmm... you should be." He definitely smirked this time. And then added on a serious almost threatening note. "I will destroy you if you stay in my way."
Rey paused.
Those last words he had said. The way he'd said them ... It did not inspire fear in her. But something else. Somehow, she had felt deeper, beneath the words he had actually said to the rawness of his wound.
And she felt the craziest urge to hug him.
Slap him too.
And then hug him again.
She stepped closer to him her eyes never leaving his. His widened with surprise and something else, hope? But he quickly schooled his features back into an impassible mask.
"Are you really lost Ben? Is this really who you've chosen to be?" She leaned in even closer, searching his eyes. Finding what she was looking for she confidently declared.
"No. I can still see the conflict in you." Without thinking twice she craddled his face in her hands. She held him for dear life.
"You can still come to the Light, Ben. It's not too late." She whispered, her words full of passion and conviction.
Kylo Ren just stared at her, unable to articulate a word.
He could not remember the last time anyone had touched his face.
It must have been his mother. But he had left her when he was only twelve years old.
Surely, it couldn't have been thirteen years ago, right?
Her hands were warm and soft. And they felt good on his skin.
He really had not realised what he had been missing. Spending all these years without human contact...
Marvelling at all the sensations that were suddenly awokened in him, he moved his palm on top of Rey's.
Rey gasped at the contact. It was the Force. It must be. It felt like she was surrounded by it. An energy, going to the depths of her being and humming. Humming all around them.
They stared into each others eyes for what seemed like hours, none of them ready to relinqush the feeling of being complete.
"Ben." Rey whispered softly. So softly, it felt like a breath.
And for the first time in months he answered to that name.
"Yes?" He said and his voice shook slightly.
"What is happening to us?"
"I don't know. It's the Force. It wants us together. Can you see anything?" He said his eyes never leaving hers.
"Yes, the future. It's the same as before." She frowned. "But I thought-
"Yes." He declared. " I see the same thing. As before."
"I don't understand." Rey's frown deepened and she moved her hands, ready to move away from Kylo. But he was quicker than her and grabbed both her hands in his.
"Don't. Not yet." His voiced croaked with need. A need Rey felt as her own.
She relented.
"Rey!" Poe shouted running towards them.
Both Rey and Kylo dropped their hands quickly and looked towards Poe.
"It's an emergency. Come." He waved, glaring at Kylo.
Rey looked at Kylo and then at Poe.
Then she ran towards Poe, without a second glance.
Kylo only glared at the two of them, an unfamiliar emotion taking root in his chest. He suddenly wanted to chop Poe into little pieces and feed him to space monkeys.
Gritting his teeth, he turned around and went to wait for Poe by his space ship. Still angry with him, he decided he had had enough of the way these little rebels had behaved towards him. Annoyed, he smoothly climbed into the ship and took off towards Jakku.
A*A*A
"He took my ship." Poe burst into the room.
"You mean he is gone? And we let him go?" Finn said outraged.
"He knows where we are now." He threw an accusatory look at Leia. "What's stopping him from destroying us now?"
"I am sorry." Leia said wrapping her arms around herself.
"I will think of something. We would not have stayed here in any case. We need a proper base." She continued.
"Attolon." Rey said. "They have issued the official invitation. Their planet has been completely liberated from First Order rule."
"Yes. Yes." Leia nodded with a small smile. "Poe, establish communication with Attolon. Let them know we are coming."
"Yes ma'am." Poe saluted happilly, grabbed Finn and together they left Leia's quarters.
"Rey." Leia looked at her. "Attolon. They have a kyber crystal. They used to deal them on the black market. And almost all of them were gone. But the leader of the Resistance there assures me he is in possesion of one." Leia moved towards the bed and sat down. Then continued. "The leader, Darmir, he will show you how to build your lightsaber. Some of his family was part of the Jedi order. Darmir does not have the Force, but he knows a lot."
Rey nodded.
She really missed her lightsaber and the idea of getting one soon really appealed to her.
"There is one more thing Rey." Leia said patting the space next to her on the bed.
Rey went to sit down and grasped Leia's hand in hers.
"I am not coming with you." Leia declared.
Rey sighed softly.
She knew the general was ill and she knew the end was inevitable but she could not imagine going on without her wise counsel, and that strength that inspired everyone.
"I know." She finally replied.
Leia touched her cheek lovingly, like a mother would do a daughter. Rey's eyes glistened with tears.
"I think this is goodbye, then." Leia said. "You and I both know that I do not have long. And we also know I will never abandon my people."
Rey felt a tear slide down her cheek but Leia quickly wipped it away.
"I am so proud of you Rey. If I had had a daughter I would have wished her to be just like you. You are brave. Compassionate. Ressilient. And I go in peace, knowing that even if it will take years, you will bring Ben back to the light."
By the end of her speech, both women started crying.
Then Rey hugged Leia fiercely.
"Thank you for giving me a family. You will live forever in my memory. And I will ensure that the galaxy remembers the princess who sacrificed everything for its good." Rey finished. Pulling away from Leia, she grasped her hands tightly in hers.
"Rey, promise me that you will always remember that forgiveness is the only foundation sturdy enough for a good future. When the time comes, do not withhold if from those who ask for it."
Rey nodded, the weight of Leia's words weighing heavily on her heart.
Standing up, she wiped her tears, grabbed her staff and smiled.
"May the Force be always with you." She saluted.
"May the Force be in you." Leia said back.
They smiled at each other and then Rey was gone.
A*A*A
The Millenium Falcon dissapeared into the vastness of the galaxy. Throughout the ship, people were hurdled together, trying to take one last look at the home they had known for the past months through the small windows.
Some of them had left belongings, others family. But all of them had left the comfort of the home they had known for the past months and had started towards a future that was at best unclear, at worst suicide.
"Where's the general?" Poe asked looking around desperately.
Rey looked away from the vision panel, towards Poe. She shook her head.
"No. No. She wouldn't have stayed. Rey, tell me she did not!"
"I am sorry, Poe. She refused to leave her people behind. And her people refused to leave her. They will protect the base and help us from there in any way they can." Rey said approaching him and lightly touching his shoulder.
Poe shook her hand.
"No." He said angrily. "You don't understand. They will all die. He will attack." He shouted, kicking the first thing he could find. It so happened to be Chewie's food so he let out a sound of outrage.
Poe just glared at him, then at Rey.
"Poe, Kylo Ren will not kill his own mother. He might be many things, but even he has not fallen so low." Rey said fiercely.
"You always defend him. Always. I don't know why you are so sure to know him." He said looking at her skeptically. "You-
Poe was cut off by the cry of the crowd. Suddenly the ship was pure chaos.
Rey and Poe looked at each other before running towards the crowd gathered near the vision panels.
"What is it? What happened?" Rey asked pushing people away, trying to see for herself.
"They're all dead." Somebody sobbed grabbing unto Rey and pulling her in front of the panel.
Rey stood shook still.
She could not believe what was happening before her very eyes. A Star Destroyer had appeared over the planet they had just vacated. Bombs were dropping without ceasing, fire and smoke rising up into the sky.
Leia, she thought.
And then tears started flowing unbidden.
Leia. She was gone.
Sadness then filled her heart and she cried.
She cried for Leia. She cried for all the people in the Falcon that had lost everything. She cried for herself. And she cried for Ben.
Making no sound, she laid her hand on the glass, almost as if to comfort them.
Her heart was broken. And her loss without precedent.
Meanwhile, on Supremacy.
Kylo Ren strode onto the bridge of his ship.
"Can you explain to me what is going on Hux?" He barked, hand extended to Force-choke him.
"I am destroying the Rebels, si-sir." He gasped, almost turning blue.
"And who told you, you could?" Kylo tightened his grip.
"You sir. A few days ago. You said that." The truth of Hux's words and the memory of when he gave that order, made Kylo freeze. This allowed Hux fo breathe again.
Without a word Kylo turned around and exited the room. He walked blindly through the ship, squeezing every item in his way and Force-choking every person he met.
When he got to his quarters, he grabbed his lightsaber and proceded to destroy every single thing in the room.
Then he moved to Hux's quarters, single-handedly destroying every space in between.
Still, it was not enough.
Not enough to rid him of rhe guilt.
Leia. His mother. She was on that planet. And he had killed her. Deliberately.
And Rey. Sheer panic overwhelmed his heart, as he tried to feel her through the Force.
He groaned, held his breath and tried harder.
No sign of Rey.
He felt paralyzed.
She couldn't be dead.
He couldn't be the one to have killed her.
But every time he searched for her through the Force, the search came out empty.
He had lost her.
Chest heaving and murmuring words of deep frustration, he entered his bathroom.
And what a terrible idea that was. Because he saw himself in the mirror then.
He had always felt ugly.
But never more so than in that moment. When every scar, every bruise and every drop of blood on his face seemed to point out one thing and one thing only.
He was a monster.
"Aghhhhh!!!" He shouted before, his gloveless fist hit the mirror with such force, millions of shards filled the bathroom floor.
But unfortunately, Kylo had not been fast enough in destroying the evidence of his weakness. Because in that brief second, between his realization that he was a monster and his decision to break the evidence, he had caught a glimpse of his face.
And seen the tears that were flowing unbidden.
He had never hated himself more.