Present January

BLAKE

She has some nerve holing up in her office when her best friend needs her the most. It's just like her to disappear when emotional problems arise.

Johnny is posted up outside of her office door like always. He's never too far away and it's really annoying.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you." He warns me like I don't know what's happening. He thinks he knows her better than I do.

I know her better than anyone even Olivia and Rodney. I've know Doris from the moment we met, fucked and she left. I knew her then and still fell for it.

"Move Johnny." Before he moves he knocks on the door as a warning.

"One second." Her voice come through the door hurried.

I push through anyway. The sight is nothing new, I've encountered it before. Doris is at her desk looking very sweaty and guilty. There is a topless woman sitting on her desk and the other naked woman is still dancing like she's on a pole.

Doris desk which is usually OCD clean is strewn with papers, bottles and clothing. She forgot to hide the razor. She herself didn't even have a blazer on, just a red wrinkle silk shirt and white wrinkle skirt. Her eyes are glazed over and hair, I don't even want to start.

"You two out." I pick up their clothes push it into the chest of the woman on her desk. "Out now."

The blonde woman holds the clothing looking at Doris. Doris nods her head and the woman grabs her friend walking out the door.

I wait until they are gone before tearing into her. "Really is this what you're going to do. This is how you handle it."

She wipes her upper lip of the sweat beaded there. Doris gets up closing the door. "What do you mean? We're celebrating the new year."

"It's been a new year for two weeks." I take the opportunity to open the top draw of her desk pulling out the mirror lined with cocaine. I drop it on her desk the powder scattering. "Olivia is dying from this shit and you start using!"

"Lower your voice and stop being so dramatic." She sits in the chair in front of her desk. "What are you doing here anyway? Where is Brian?"

"He's at home." I answer her question even though I know she's bating me. "You didn't answer my question."

"You were talking so much I didn't hear the question." She smirks crossing her legs.

Sure I look; she has sexy legs especially without stocking. God only knows how they feel wrapped around my hips. "What are you doing?"

"Blake we've had this conversation before so let's make this brief because they aren't going to wait for too long." She looks towards the door.

"Don't be so god damn pathetic. This isn't about you, it's about Olivia and the support she going to need from all of us."

"You don't think I know that?" Doris gets up moving her chair. Walking behind her desk Doris takes the razor lining the drug back up.

"Are you seriously going to do that while I'm right here?"

"I never asked you to come here. I know he's beside himself thinking about us." She forgets the drug walking upon me. "Isn't he?"

"Doris I'm being serious."

"Oh I know." She pins me against her desk, her hand sliding down my side to my waist. She knows she has that effect on me. She knows I would give a lot just to be with her. "Did you tell him you were coming?" She wiggles her eyebrow.

"No." I answer truthfully, we'd just argue.

"I didn't think so." She leans into me, the point of her nose tickling my neck.

I know what she's doing but I still offer my neck to her. I can't resist her, never could.

"Tell me Blake." She untucks my shirt from my jeans, her hand sliding around my side. "When he fucks you do you still think of me?"

I try to push her away but she doesn't budge. I don't like it when she talks about him and visa versa.

"Do you image my fingers inside of you? My tongue lapping up you're cum?"

"Doris stop." I push her away but she's back upon me in an instant. Her mouth clashes into mine, her tongue forcing entry.

Her mouth taste like aspirin and booze, I push her away again and she stumbles bumping into the bookshelf behind her.

"You're drunk." I sneer at her.

Doris laughs it off sitting in her leather chair. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"Olivia needs you to be strong."

She stands up flipping the mirror off her desk drugs and all. "You don't fucking think I know that? I know, I know, I know!" Doris yells but it doesn't faze me.

"Then step up to the plate."

"There is no plate to step up to, okay." The rest of the items on her desk fly off in her rage. "What am I supposed to do sit in that god forsaken house and watch her die?"

"We're making plans…"

"What plans, baby." Her voice softens. "What plan is there to make? We have doctors, the best in the country, the fucking world, all saying the same thing." She walks up on me again, her eyes pleading for answer no one has. "Olivia needs a new heart. What am I supposed to do go and kill someone, cut out their heart and give it to her? Is that what you want me to do?"

I shake my head.

"Then what tell me what to do and I'll do it."

"I don't have any answers but this isn't going to help." I wave at the mess she's made.

"Nothing is going to help her now."

I pull her to me laying her head on my shoulder. "I know you're hurting and I know everyone is looking at you to fix this."

"I can't."

"No you can't. There is one thing you can do." I lean back looking her in her eyes. "You make sure she's not alone. All she wants to be surround by people who love her."

"I need you." She tries to kiss me but I hold her off.

"I can't."

"Please, I can't do this alone." The tears in her eyes leak one at a time breaking my resolve to be faithful.

Breaking every promise I made to myself not to fall for her like I always do, I give in. "You're not alone."

"I am. No one gets me but you." She hugs me to her body turning us around. "One time." She promises, but it's never one time. Its one night, then another and another.

"Sweetheart."

"Shh." She hikes her skirt up sitting on her desk. She pulls my hand between her legs wrapping her hand around my neck pulling me in for another kiss.

I resist, only for a second until I come in contact with her sex.

"Wait, just wait." I pull back looking at the door. I should leave, I should leave her here in her misery but I can't. I can't pretend like I don't care about her. She needs me, just me.

My fingers play around the edge of her panties. Their soaked, probably from the women I just threw out.

"Please." Doris pleas, knowing I can't resist.

"Turn around."

She gets down bending over the desk. She holds my hand pulling it between her legs.

A high pitched whine emits from her throat. I lean over her back whispering in her ear. "Sometimes I do think about you."

She moans again riding my hand.

I penetrate her with three fingers rubbing her clit with my palm. "I think about being inside of you and how tight you feel clenching around my fingers." Her body clenches on time.

"Please baby." She wants it to hurt, so I thrust inside of her harder curling my fingers. She balances on the balls of her feet. "I'm close." Her body tightens in anticipation of release.

I sweep her hair over her shoulder kissing the back of her neck. "Do you think about me?"

"Yes!"

"You think about me fucking you, filling you?"

"Yes!" Her hand digs into the wood of the desk leaving tiny scratches.

"Stop lying."

"No." Her moans are high and getting higher. "Blake!" Her hips jerk, one hand holding my arm still deep inside of her. Her body clenches not letting up and she moans through her release. "I love you. I love you."

I've always longed to hear her say the words without being coaxed. "I love you." I kiss her neck pulling her head back so I can kiss her no matter the taste.

Out the side of my eye I notice someone in the door. We disconnect both staring at Brain standing in the door. I try to pull away but Doris holds my hand inside of her as she rides out her orgasm.

He walks away from the door as Doris comes down.

"Shit." I pull my fingers out of her.

She releases me turning around to face me out of breath. "Stay with me." She wraps her arms around my neck.

I stare at the door. I can't stay, I have to fix this. "I can't."

"Please." She lays her head on my shoulder her tongue tracing my collar bone.

I can't because this is all we have, a few rumps and few night of passionate sex. There's no real love, she doesn't believe in it. She can't be faithful; she's proven that time and time again. Obviously neither can I.

"I have to go, he needs me." I pull away from her out of reach. "Go see Olivia she's waiting for you." I walk out of her office. I have to find Brian, he loves me.

BDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDBDB

When I get home Brian is already packing his things. He stops looking at with such hate I back away from him. Frank used to look at me like that, so has every other boyfriend I've had.

"Please Brian."

"Please what?" He throws more clothes into the already stuffed suitcase. "Is that what you meant when you said you were going to the store? Has that been the code word for you two to fuck?"

"No, I swear. It was one time." I sit on the bed besides his suitcase. "I love you."

"No you don't." He yells in my face. "You don't love me or you wouldn't have been fucking her when I walked in. If you loved me…"

"No please, I was just caught in a weak moment."

"Oh cut the crap Blake if you had walked in on me with my ex-wife bent over my desk what would you say?" Brian zips up the suitcase throwing it towards the door. "I have tried my best to be there for you, to trust you and you do this!"

"Brian, I swear I haven't been cheating on you!" I stand up blocking his exit. "I love you and you love me. I know we can make this work. It has been working."

"Has it? Why did you lie to me?"

"I did go to the store but Olivia called and I had to stop to confront her and things just got out of control."

"No Blake, fucking someone and saying you love them is not part of losing control." He combs his hand through his gray hair. "It's real fucked up because I was thinking about marrying you. I was going to propose on Valentines Day, but you go and do this."

I can't stop the tears from burning my eyes, I know how it feels to love some one and have them stomp on your heart. "I'm so sorry, give us another chance. I swear I'll never see her again."

I try to touch him but he grabs my wrist. "You still smell like her. Did you wash your hand? Did you eat her out? Did you?"

I flinch at his cruel words. "No, it was just that." I look to the floor; the guilt is rising threatening to cut of my air ways. How many times had I done the same thing to Frank? In his own way he loved me too. Yet I still went running when ever she called.

Brian pushed my hand away throwing me on the bed. Before I even have a chance to react he's pulling my jeans and panties off. I let him. "You love me?" He unzips his pants lying on top of me.

"Wait." I push at his chest before he can enter me.

"You didn't use one with her." He argues. "Do you love me?"

"I swear I do." I guide him into my more that ready body.

We both moan at contact. He takes no time ramming into me. I try to focus, still my eyes close as Doris enters my mind. Her fingers, her tongue, always knowing what I need. Her pleas for me to fuck her, make it hurt.

"Damn it, look at me." Brian squeezes my breast. "Are you thinking about her?"

"No just you." It's a lie; her voice is still ringing in my ear. 'I love you.' I cum just at the though. "Doris." I whisper Brian's name.

"Fuck!" Brian releases inside of me. He lays there going soft inside of me. "Fucking slut, why did you just say her name?" He gets up tucking himself in his pants.

All I can do is stare at him. "I didn't." Did I?

"You did! My dick is inside of you and you say her name." Brian picks up his suitcase. "Fuck you Blake; have a nice life being second."

The door slams. I throw myself back on the bed, the tears soaking the pillow. I just lost the best thing that has ever happened to me.

RAFE

I hear the door slam shut. I look out my window and Ma is leaving with the little kids. She's been giving everyone silent treatment for not telling her earlier. Ever since Christmas the house has been very quiet. Even the twins sense that they shouldn't disturb them.

Usually when they get scared they crawl into bed with them but now Alex gets in bed with me and Lexi with Emma.

I don't mind, I like having him around. It just makes me want my son that much more.

I can wait until he gets here; I've already bought so much stuff. I bought a diamond encrusted pacifier, beanie, and shoes. I got a stroller online that they don't even sell in the U.S. It cost a pretty penny but he's worth it. I got him so many clothes, my closet is full. I even bought him crib and it has everything, monitor attached, mobile, 10 inch TV screen and its hydraulic. My little dude is gonna be tricked out from the day he's born. Now if he just comes early enough to meet both his grandma's. Kids' gonna have four old ladies spoiling him, plus me.

I walk down stairs; I need to see Brittany so I can talk to my son.

"Raphael, I need to talk to you." Olivia is sitting on the couch; the television isn't on nor does she have a newspaper.

I must be in trouble; she was obviously waiting for me.

"Still getting the silent treatment?" I hold her questions off.

"Yea, but it's nothing to worry about, she'll come around in a couple of days." Olivia turns to me patting the space beside her. "Sit down."

I sit beside her. "Where's Wolfe?" She's been M.I.A since Christmas too.

"Everyone deals with tragedy differently."

What is that supposed to mean? She ain't dead yet.

"You wanna tell me about this?" She hands a piece of paper to me. It looks like a bill with very large charges.

"Looks like a bill." I hand the paper back. Does she want me to pay it?

"It's your bill?"

"Mine?"

"Your credit card bill."

Fucking stupid. Damn. "I was going to tell you."

"When?" Olivia looks at me in amusement. I thought she would be mad.

"Um, today. I Brittany wanted to wait. I wanted to tell you for real." I really did. If I was going to tell anyone it would be Olivia so she could ease the news to Jaime and Ma.

"While I'm not proud that you've got yourself into this mess I am proud that you are stepping up." She pulls me into a tight hug.

"Of course my son is going to have it all." I pull back watching her smile the brightest I've seen in a long time.

"So it's a boy?"

"Well we don't know yet but I feel it." I do. I want a boy then a girl, so he can look out for her, then another boy.

"Congratulations anyway." She pats my leg. "Now that you're trying to be a man, its up to you to tell Jaime and Lindsey."

"Awe Mom!"

"Don't awe mom me. You two got yourself into this situation you can tell everyone." She smiles leaning back into the couch. "Oh and stop this." She picks up the paper. Pacifiers shouldn't cost that much and 5-thousand-dollar crib. The baby won't even sleep in it."

"I know but its sweet." I get up from the couch. "Kid will probably never learn to walk from people holding him so much."

"God knows I'm going to spoil him."

"You just make sure you're still around, we're going to need you." I grab my jacket ready to walk out the door. "Where'd Ma go?"

"Blake is having some issues." Olivia waves me off.

"Are you going to be okay alone?" I hate to leave her by herself. She looks so small sitting on the couch by herself. Small and lonely.

It's not only that but since Christmas it seems like she's been going down hill. She sleeps all the time and the swelling has come back.

"I always have been." She sits back staring into nothing. "Bring me a picture of the new member."

"Okay, bye." I walk out the door shivering from the wind. Off the see my little boy.

"Rafe, I told you not to buy all that stuff, its bad luck." Brittany swats my shoulder.

"Oh, be quiet. I'm not superstition." I lean back down to her stomach. She's showing with a small baby bump. If Lindsey and Jaime weren't so caught up in Olivia's condition, they might have noticed already.

"Hey little guy."

"It's a girl."

"It's a boy Brit. I know it." I rub her stomach. "When do they start to move?"

"I told you to read the book!"
"You know I don't like to read. Oh I think I just felt something!" I rub her stomach again.

"Stop." Brittany swats my hand. "It's just gas."

"Mhm sexy." I crawl on top of her. "Wanna do it?"

"No Rafe!" She pushes me back but not off. "That's what got us in this mess in the first place."

"Oh come on it's not like you can get pregnant again." I kiss her neck then her lips.

"I said no!" This time she does push me off getting up to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Fine." My phone starts to ring. I look at the screen, its just Daisy. I know she wants it bad. She's sent me so many naked pictures they were filling up my phone. But I deleted them all when I found out about my son. We at least gotta try to keep this family together for the sake of my sons and daughter.

I don't wanna be like some other people with three or more baby mamas'. If nothing else Brittany is going to be someone and I'm going to be right there.

I mute the phone when Brittany starts to cry. Hormones.

I crawl to the edge of the bed behind her, my legs on either side of her. I hug Brit from behind, "What's wrong?"

"I know who that was."

"It was Daisy."

"You're fucking her aren't you?" Brit pushes my arms away. "I know it."

"No Brit, when would I have time? I'm always here." I hug her again. "You and my son mean more to me than sex. If I had to choose I would rather my son and you than sex. I could always handle it myself."

Brittany laughs a little.

"For real, the room would be filled with used tissue."

"Eww." Brittany slaps my hand. "Stop."

"I'm serious. Fuck Daisy and all the hoes in the world." I grab her lying back on the bed. "I can't wait to marry you and bring our kids in the world."

"Kids?" Brittany rolls over lying half on top of me.

"Yea, two boys and one girl."

"What if I want more?"

"Then we'll have as many as you want, as long as it's you and me I don't give a fuck."

Brittany punches my side. "Watch your mouth around the baby."

"You like my mouth." I kiss her temple.

"You always forget I was the one who taught you everything you know." Brit rises up kissing me on the mouth. Her face gets real serious. "We're going to make it, right?"

"With some luck and a lot of help, everything is going to go exactly as planned. Don't worry; I'm not going anywhere and this little guy…"

"Girl."

"This baby is going to overdose from all the love it gets." I sit up leaning against the headboard. Brit lays her head in my lap. "Don't worry, I ain't ever gonna lay a hand on you and you ain't strung out of drugs. We not gonna turn out to be them. Our moms would kill us first." I twist the end of her long braid.

"So when are you going to tell Jaime?"

"No way, I told Olivia, you gotta tell Jaime."

"That doesn't count she found out."

"Maybe we should do the same with Jaime just leave subtle hints."

"Oh." Brittany pops up smiling at me. "We should get Olivia to throw us a surprise baby shower and invite them. That will be the surprise. At least then she won't be able to kill you in front of everyone."

"That would be a good ideal if she weren't a doctor. She'll probably hug me one day, secretly injecting me with a deadly medicine and I'll drop dead from a heart attack. And since everyone will think I got it from Olivia they won't even do an autopsy."

"Rafe that's stupid you and Olivia aren't blood so how could you inherit something from her." Brittany lays back down.

"But you didn't deny what she could do." I point out.

"Why does it have to be so hard?"

"Because she's mean."

"She's not, she's just strict because of the General and because of my dad." Her voice gets low. I know she misses her dad even though he was a junkie.

"Still."

"Rafe!" There she goes. "What have I told you about being in Brittany's room?" Jaime stands at the door. "Downstairs now, you know you're not supposed to be in here."

I move to get up, Brittany stops me. "Mom?"

She instantly knows something is wrong. Brittany only calls her that when she's in trouble, which is pretty fitting.

"I'm pregnant."

Jaime's looks like she's about to actually fly through the roof. "What the fuck?" She takes a step towards us, I'm sure to kill me. I close my eyes and hear a thump.

"Oh shit Rafe, we killed her."

I open my eye and Jaime is flat on the floor face down.

"See it wasn't that hard." Brittany shrugs.

"Thank God." I get off the bed seeing my chance to flee. "I'll see you around." I grab one of the sonogram pictures and run out the door. I make it down the step and meet Lindsey.

"Raphael, I didn't know you were here." She looks up the steps. "What was that noise?"

"I was just leaving." I walk to the front door. "Oh yea." I open the door car keys in my hand. "Me and Brittany are having a baby. Bye." I run to my car. Thank god for auto start. As soon and I get in I take off. Three down one to go. I unlock my phone calling Ma.

She answers with a lot of noise in the back. It sounds like someone is crying.

"Rafe now is not a good time."

"It's perfect timing Ma. You wanna hear some good news."

"I would love to hear good news."

Here goes nothing. "Brittany and I are having a baby." I say then hang up my phone.

'Meet me the pond. If u can' I text Brittany, then turn off my phone. There that's everyone. Easy.

NATALIA

Once I got Blake settled I rushed home. Rafe is having a baby and he is no where to be seen. I've called him a least a hundred times and still no answer. No only is he missing, conveniently my wife is also missing. But since we aren't talking it's not much to miss, except she has a heart condition. She could have gone for a walk and passed out. She could be outside on the cold ground dying.

"Mommy! I almost had it." Emma none too gently pulls on my hair. She braiding one side while Lexi brushed the other side.

"Emma baby don't pull on my hair. I need to get up and find you mother and brother."

"But Ma!"

"But Ma what?" Olivia walks through the door shrugging her jacket off.

I sigh in relief. We found one.

"If you are wondering Brittany and Rafe are by the lake sleeping in his car."

I cross my arms not responding to her. I'm still mad.

"Are you still mad at me?" Olivia sits between my legs, tucking her legs under mine.

"How long have you known?"

"I swear I just found out today? Apparently so did everyone else and Jaime is on a war path. I'm afraid we might lose a son." She laughs eying me.

I hope I don't look amused. "This isn't funny Olivia and I wasn't talking about the baby." I grimace as Lexi catches a kink.

"A few months." Olivia runs her hand down the side of my face. "I know I should have told you and I'm sorry, but I love you. Truthfully I haven't fully come to terms with it myself. I forget sometimes and I try to put it out of my mind." She takes my hand putting it too her chest.

I feel her heart beating. It doesn't feel sick or abnormal.

"The medicine I'm taking is helping but it won't always."

"Olivia."

"No I need to say this." Olivia kisses my chin before continuing. "I thought I could do this on my own, I wanted to. I'm finding that I need you." She takes my hand kissing every finger. "I can't stand the thought of you mad at me any longer. I've missed you." She moves closer whispering in my ear. "I've missed us together, making love."

The girls giggle above us.

"I don't want to spend one more second not holding you or kissing you."

How can I stay mad her when she says things like that? "I'm sorry I acted so childishly." I press my hand into her chest again. Why would god do this to me, to us? "I miss you and I don't want to lose you."

"You won't. We're going to fight until the end, you hear me?" Her lips press over mine. She sucks on my bottom lip before deepening the kiss.

Finally, I push her back as the girls continue to giggle. "The children."

"I don't think they mind." She strokes my chin. "Do you girls mind?"

"No." Emma answers. "Ma kiss mommy." They both bend down looking at me.

"Okay." I pull Olivia closer letting my tongue slip into her mouth. She moans her hands sliding up my thighs. I pull away before we can go any farther.

"Am I forgiven?"

"I'll tell you later." I wink at her. "So you're going to be a grandmother?"

Olivia groans, "Don't start." Her nervous tick resurfaces as she puts her hand up to her face chewing on her pinky.

"Oh you love it." I pull her hand away from her face kissing her ring. "You'll be the sexy grandmother at the daycare."

"Yea, save that speech for Jaime and Lindsey. They're going to need someone to put a spin on this fiasco."

Olivia yawns. She must be tired. It's a lot to take in on a bad heart.

"How long?" My heart clenches at the thought of being without her. I can't stand over another one of my loved ones grave.

"Hey, no crying. I don't have an expiration date. So we are going to keep going until the fat lady sings. Hopefully it won't be for another 50 years."

"Okay. Okay."

"Everyone kiss your mom and make her happy." Olivia says to Emma and signs to Lexi.

Two wet mouths descend on my cheek and Olivia tickles me into submission.

"Don't let her go without a lot of kisses."

Even though I can't breathe and my face is dripping with spit I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

OLIVIA

This is a far from perfect arrangement. When I was healthy I didn't think about having a second level. Now, those steps kill me every time. It feels like I've ran a mile half way up and the next half feel like a marathon.

I can feel Natalia looking at me from the couch.

I won't let her help me. You're only as sick as you feel and right now I feel pretty sick.

"Alright everyone up stairs its time for bed!" Natalia claps her hands. Lexi, Alex and Emma run past me trying to be the first up the stairs.

I hold on the banister just trying to get the energy to take the first stop.

Natalia's hand rubs my lower back. It feels good because my back has been killing me.

"I can do it. I feel fine."

"I know you do." Both her hands start to massage my back. "I've been reading up on your condition."

"I wish you wouldn't have. Everything on the net is negative."

"Mhm, and you have some positives." Her thumbs dig deeper.
I groan at the ministrations. I need a spa day. "Jaime gave me a handicap sticker."

"I think you need to save your energy."

"How would I go about that?"

"I think we should invest in a chair lift."

"No." I move away from her. I should have known it was a tactic to seduce me.

"Olivia."

"Natalia no." I turn back to the stairs. "You just watch me." I take the first step and keep going. I hit the last step and I know I'm going to pass out. I lean against the wall feeling my heart about to burst out my chest.

"Hey you okay." Rafe holds my arm as I try to stay up right.

"Yea." I thought they were going to tough it out in his car.

Rafe shrugs his shoulders. "It's cold and Brittany wants a bed."

"My bed."

I put my arm around his neck as we both limp down the hall. "Mom, maybe we should put a bed down stairs."

I shake my head. I don't need any special treatment and I don't want a hospice in my house. They'll have to cart me out of here before I give in to this disease.

Rafe helps me lay down and Brittany lifts my legs on the bed.

All three of them stand over the bed looking down at me.

Natalia has tears in her eyes as she shakes her head. "So stubborn."

I need to hold her. I take her hand pulling her to the bed with me. Automatically she curls into my chest.

My heart seems to slow down enough for me to think.

"Can Brittany stay here?" Rafe and Brittany stand, looking like two kids nervously asking for a second on desert.

"Yea, but gone with the sun. Jaime'll be okay."

"Thanks Ms. Spencer."

They're on their best behavior. She never calls me that. "Rafe put them to bed."

In the next room I can here the younger kids jumping on Emma's bed, laughing.

"Yes ma'am."

Brittany and Rafe close the door behind them.

"I'm fine see."

Natalia burrows deeper. "You're not."

"I am." I comb my fingers through her hair. "You'll see tomorrow I'm going to take you out and we are going to dance the night away."

Natalia moves to look at me. "You're not being fair to us." She says pulling me onto her chest.

I lay my head down my eyes already starting to close.

"We want you around for as long as we can. Not only do you have to take your medicine and you need to be careful that means taking it easy. Allowing someone to help you."

I listen to the beating of her heart. "I love you."

"I love you more."