Conditions of the Heart

by masterphantom05

The sequel to the Bet.

11. Trying For You

NATALIA

I roll over to an empty spot next to me in bed. The fact that there is a vacant spot beside me doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me is that it is damp and what worse is its cold.

Sitting up I adjust my eyes to the darkness finding a sliver of light coming from under the door to the bathroom.

Usually I wake up when Olivia is having a nightmare. I have to because of the movement. But lately my energy has been zapped from different sources.

And when I'm too late to comfort her I'm locked out here.

I hate being locked out the bathroom. I still get anxious when she closes the door. It feels like someone is squeezing the air out of my lungs. Plus, she keeps the water too hot for too long. If I don't stop her she will burn her skin.

I look at the clock; it's 3 in the morning. We just got to bed at 12. No one can live on this little sleep. I know it's going to be an even longer morning for us.

I don't hear the shower so either she hasn't got in yet or she's on her way out. Either way I'm stuck on this side of the door waiting.

Waiting

Waiting

I can't sit still so I change the bedding and continue to wait.

After a few minutes of fighting sleep, the door slowly inches open. Olivia sticks her head out with very guilty look in her eyes. She's been looking at me sideways since we got back from Chicago.

My uncle died two weeks ago and it's been hard on all of us especially my mother. She refused to stay with us, instead choosing to stay with my father in Chicago. I hated to leave her but I have to get back to the center to make sure things are still running smoothly. We stayed with her for a week until my father and Olivia started to step on each other's nerves. While she tolerates our relationship he still doesn't like it. Olivia relapsing only gave him more ammunition.

I told Olivia it wasn't her fault we were leaving; I could tell she didn't believe me. I think she thinks I'll resent her for leaving my mother.

My mother is a grown woman who can make decisions for herself. Once she's done mourning she'll come back to her condo. She needs to be closer to family. I want her closer to us. I want Rafe and Emma to have a good relationship with her.

Emma never had any contact with my uncle. Rafe on the other hand loved the old man. He refused to admit it or even acknowledge he was hurting.

I know he wanted to cry, but that wouldn't be manly. Instead of crying he's been clinging to Olivia. I'm surprised he isn't in bed with us tonight. The whole time we were there he'd find an excuse to climb into bed with us. He'd climb in between us and ask Olivia question until he fell asleep and refuse to wake up.

It's was nice to fall asleep with just us in bed. For as long as it lasted.

I watch her shuffle across the floor on her tip toes like I'm not looking at her. Her black sweats that she still insists on wearing are damp where she didn't dry of good enough. Without a word, she slides into bed facing away from me.

I scoot down behind her, careful not to touch her. "You want to talk about it?"

"No." She pulls the comforter up to her chin.

"Olivia?"

"I'm sorry." Olivia whispers as her voice cracks.

I hate to accept an apology when I don't know the reason behind it. I've known something was wrong since the funeral, really before.

Olivia rolls over burying head in my shoulder. "Promise me you won't leave."

I can't honestly promise her anything. I've learned my lesson. I pull away from her looking in her watered eyes. "You have to trust me like I trust you." I don't want to lie to her or myself.

Even that's a lie. She knows as well as I do I'm not going to leave her.

"After the funeral, I went out and…I wasn't thinking and I bought drugs." She confesses breaking eye contact.

I wrap my arms around her pulling her in to keep from pushing her away. "Did you use?"

"No, I swear. I'll take a test, I swear." She clings tighter to me.

"Where are they?"

"I-" A violent sob wracks her body.

"Olivia," I pull her away from my shoulder. "Where are they?"

"The bathroom."

The pain in chest blurs my already low vision. "Our bathroom?"

"I was going to flush them when we got home but then I couldn't." She puts her face back in my shoulder. "And I had another dream and I was going to do them but I was watching you sleep and I couldn't."

I break her grip on my body rolling out of bed.

"Please, please!" Olivia half way follows me pulling on my shirt.

"Shh." I cover her mouth. I don't want her to wake up the children. "Stay here."

In the bathroom, her travel toiletry bag is behind the toilet. I pull it out rifling through the pockets. I find three small vales of drugs.

They feel so heavy in my hand. I sit them on the edge of the sink and stare at them. What is it about this that has such a strong hold on my wife?

"Natalia?" Olivia calls me.

Without second thought I flush the vales watching them disappear.

I promptly kill the light returning to my crying wife.

She doesn't wait for me to settle in bed before pulling my body to hers. She's half on top of me pinning me down as if it were going to keep me with her. "I didn't do them I swear."

"Why?" I hear the shaking in my own voice. I clear my throat. We should talk, now. "Why did you buy them?"

"I wanted…I wanted to please you."

"Olivia how could that possibly please me? You think I like seeing you high?" I want to get up, but Olivia resists my movements.

"I know how unhappy you are." She presses heavier on me. "I wanted to be with you like we used to. You were so sad, I wanted to let you…let you have sex with me."

"Let ME! Olivia." I cover my own mouth. Our sex life has been nothing like it used to, it's none existent but I didn't want this. I don't want her to get high so I can have fun. "It's fine."

"No, it's not. It used to be fun. Adventurous. I know you like using the strap on and role playing." Olivia pushes up looking down at me daring me to lie.

"Okay yes it was fun, but its only fun if you enjoy it too." I run my hand up her strong bicep. "I want you to enjoy it too. I don't want you to get high and let me have my way."

"But I do want to have sex with you. I wanted it to be then." She lowers herself laying her head on my shoulder. "I was going to bring it up tonight but what if I couldn't go through with it. What if got scared or freaked out but if…if I were I high I could maybe do it."

"Like I said unless you were into it one hundred percent I wouldn't want to." I rub her back, pulling her leg high on my waist.

"I know when you're in the shower by yourself, you've touched yourself." She states as a matter of fact.

I crane my neck looking at her very embarrassed. I thought I kept that a pretty good secret. I hope she knows I'm thinking about her. Beside I get so worked up when we're making out on the bed I have to, so I won't jump her. "Okay, that is beside the point. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to."

OLIVIA

It's not that I don't believe her. I do.

It's not that I don't want her. I would love nothing more than let her have her way with me and visa versa.

I've thought about all the ways to please her, to make her beg, cry and scream in ecstasy.

I make myself wet just thinking about what she does in the shower. Then she come out of the bathroom.

And I feel sick to my stomach with worry. I worry that I won't go through with it. I worry she won't wait much longer. I worry her fantasy will change, her wants will change. She'll want more than I can give right now.

She won't stop.

The bile reaches my throat and lock myself in the bathroom. I lock myself in the bathroom because I had a small bottle of bourbon stashed in the toilet back. I sit until the urge to throw up or drink leaves.

It's not fair to her. Year seven is when the sex is supposed to stop. Eyes wonder, hands itch, and mouths water.

Maybe it's my imagination or I'm going crazy. I see that way she looks at other women. Her eyes follow them. I don't say anything because every person need sexual release. It's a part of our very being.

I sit quietly and watch her. Then I think I could take her in the bathroom and just let her go crazy. I can be submissive. I wouldn't scream or tell her to stop.

The only downside is I would be high before she could kiss me. I would be drunk by the time she walked out. If I relapsed I think I would lose her forever.

John says I'm falling back into my old destructive habits, to which I would agree.

If it's another thing people need its sleep. It's one thing I cannot get.

I know it's the reason I taste alcohol when Natalia kisses me. It's the reason why I see gray eyes instead of brown. It's the reason why I'm so tired I can hardly resist temptation.

But I'm staying strong. Sure, I've bought drug and I drool at the sight of alcohol. I've even cut myself a few lines and poured a shot or two, but I haven't slipped yet.

The lack of sleep is making me weak. This will be night four. Four nights of pretending to be sleep. Four nights of concentrating on breathing deep and slow, pretending to be okay.

Sometimes I can drift off to the stroking of Natalia's hand on my neck, the sound of her voice. It feels good to have her wrapped around me. I feel safe and peaceful.

The peacefulness never last because as soon as I fall asleep the nightmares begin, they replay over and over until I jerk myself awake. It never fails to wake her up too.

Another thing that is not fair to her. She shouldn't have to be up and down with me all night. So, I don't sleep.

I pretend to sleep waiting for her fingers to fall limp. Like a surgeon with careful precision, I disconnect myself from her. I slide to the floor before crawling to the hallway. Then I make my way downstairs where I continue to drift off to sleep and jerk awake. A never-ending cycle of fighting sleep or people who aren't there.

So this is the fourth night.

Why should tonight be any different? I was surprised she didn't wake up when I did, but happy. I guess the shower woke her up to my disappointment.

I can tell she's tired. She's had a tough few weeks with her uncle and family. I think the least I could do was let her sleep.

I don't know why I told her about the drugs in the first place. It's the lack of sleep it's making say things I don't want.

Exhaustion has thrown my emotions out of whack.

So when she says she would never do anything without my consent I can't fully believe her. I don't think I'm being totally unreasonable. She did fuck me and tip toe out the door.

"I know."

Disbelief is written all over her face. "You don't believe me?"

"I do." I know Natalia probably couldn't physically hurt me. She doesn't work out like I do. I could easily man handle her.

I won't, but I could. I could but I wouldn't no matter what she does. I think that scares me the most, not the fact that she would. It's the fact I would let her. "I want you to be happy. Not just happy but with me."

"Jesus Olivia, I am. You do everything a person could ask for. You make breakfast, bring me lunch. You shower our children with gifts and love. You do everything and never complain."

"But we don't have sex." I sit up looking down at her.

"That's not the most important part of a marriage."

"When we lay down do you hope we'll have sex?" I wait for her lie. I know her like the back of my hand. I can see it in her eyes even in the dark. I can feel it roll off her in heat wave.

Our goodnight kiss gets longer and longer. More intimate until she has her hand under my shirt. I let her roam until she moves to the string of my pants.

She can't hide the disappointment. The lust in her eyes is always there, burning through my clothes.

"Yes."

My heart drops into my stomach. I turn away from her. I knew what her answer would be. No, I thought she would at least lie but she didn't.

"I can't help it if I find you beautiful and irresistible."

I don't want to lie to her but I can't help it. There has to be some hope. "I'm getting better."

"I know."

With the last of my energy I turn to her trying to make my eyes match my resolve. "I am. There are just a few more things I need to work out and I think…"

"Olivia take all the time you need. There is no rush from me. I love you."

"I love you more."

"Because I love you so much we're going to the clinic tomorrow morning."

"I know.

RAFE

"No you shut the fuck up! I own this city!" I look in the mirror just trying to raise my left eyebrow. I can't do it. I can only do my right one.

"That was better but you gotta put more anger in your voice. All most like righteous anger." Brittany skates to the sink beside me.

"What does that even mean?"

"It means you have to believe you have a god given right to be mad and really believe that the world revolves around you."

I look at her. I feel like she's talking down about Olivia. "She's doesn't believe that."

"Of course she does." Brittany spins around on her blades.

"No she doesn't!" I yell at Brittany. How the fuck would she know how Olivia thinks?

"Yea like that." Brittany puts her hands on my shoulders. One finger twist in my curly hair. "Keep that tone." I hate that she is still taller than me. She has me by almost a foot.

I turn back to the mirror. "No you shut the fuck up! We own this city!"

"Yes. Now you sound like her." Brittany skates to my other side.

"I still can't lift my left eyebrow." Try again but nothing.

"You don't have to you just have to stare at them like she does."

"No one seems to be scared of my stare."

"Yea well you haven't killed anyone." Brittany begins to turn in circles.

"She ain't killed nobody."

"Oh, come on Rafe you know she killed your dad." She stops looking at me like she's about to laugh. "Right?"

I stare at her; I don't know that. No one ever proved anything. She beat that case.

"You know she had Wolfe hired Johnny to kill him?"

"So."

"So, nothing I'm just saying she has respect because she's shown people what will happen if they don't do what she says." Brittany skates to one end of the rest room then the other.

"So, I gotta kill someone?"

"Don't even joke about that." Brittany stops beside me. "Come on lets skate then you can buy me a funnel cake."

"I just hope she still doesn't hate me." I know Olivia wishes I wasn't there sometimes. I probably remind her of Nicky. What if they send me away again, this time to boarding school? I know she's still mad about Danny. And I was stupid enough to be on his side. I'm a fucking traitor. ME and MA both are traitors. One miss step and we change sides.

I can't believe I was so stupid. We are supposed to be a team and look what we did to her. I'll show her just how loyal I am. It's me and her against the world.

From now on I'll be her sidekick. I'm not a kid anymore. It's time to step up to the plate.

"Jesus Rafe! Olivia doesn't hate you. She loves you."

"How do you know?" She always seems mad, even though she says she not mad, Olivia just isn't the same.

"How could I not?" Brittany slaps my shoulder. "She worships the ground you walk on. Everything is Rafe this and Rafe that. Why else would she get up at the crack of dawn to cook with you if she didn't like you? I mean who else listen all your crazy theories and questions?"

"You."

"She'd probably cut off her right arm if you asked."

"How do you know Lindsey really likes you?"

"I just do. I also know how to get whatever I want from her?" Brittany skates a circle again.

"How?" She always knows how to get stuff out of people.

"Duh, I just ask for stuff when they're having sex." Brittany laughs still spinning. "You know that right?"

How am I supposed to know all this stuff and how did she find out before me?

Brittany slaps my shoulder again. My arm is starting to hurt. "Rafe, Jesus Christ! Next time you want something and someone has already said no just wait until they close the door and you hear a moan or something."

"Gross! I'm not listening to them have sex." How sick is that?

"Just listen. Wait until you hear it and then ask the question and don't leave until you get the right answer."

"That works?"

"Yes, now come on."

I skate behind Brittany out of the restroom. I know everyone is making fun of me because I have on four wheeler skates. Everyone else has on blades.

"No one is even looking at you." Brittany takes my hand leading me around the floor.

We make two laps before Daisy and Douglas roll up behind us. Daisy is always picking on Brittany and Douglas is a bully to everyone. He's taller than everyone by a least a foot and he's got a full mustache. I can see my mustache coming in. Pretty soon I'll be shaving.

I know Brittany likes him. I saw her writing his name in her notebook. I don't know why all the girls like him, I'm the one with the car, he ain't got shit.

"Hey Brittany." Douglas skates on her other side.

It's probably because he's black too and a star basketball player.

He can't get her floor seats to the Bulls. We even got to go in the locker room.

"Hi Doug." Brittany lets go of my hand. "I didn't know you were here."

"Yea my mom dropped me off." He takes her hand pulling her away from me. They speed around the rink leaving me.

"You want to skate with me?" Daisy tries to grab my hand but I pull away.

"No." I lean against the wall watching them skate. On their second lap they stop in the dark corner of the rink. I know what goes on over there. Over my dead body is he going to feel up my woman.

I cut across the rink rolling up on them. Brittany ain't having it either.

Even though he's bigger than her Brittany is putting up a fight but he still has her against the wall.

"Get of me Doug!"

"Why, because of that wimp."

That's it. I skate right into him knocking him away from her. Olivia never said how hard it would be to do karate in skates. I try to throw a punch, it's too slow. Douglas moves and punches me in my mouth then in my stomach. I can't breathe. It hurts so much. I drop to my knees.

No wonder Nicholas always called me a wimp.

"Hey!" He falls down beside me hold his face. "I told you to leave him alone." Brittany rolls over his fingers.

Daisy skates up looking down at both of us. "You guys are going to get put out."
"Shut up Daisy." Brittany helps me up.

Not only is she taller than me but she has to save me from another man.

"Come on Rafe." We skate away to the benches. "I hate him."

"You're a liar." I sit down, but I really feel like hurting someone. If I had a weapon he'd be dead now.

"I do." Brittany looks at my lip. "At least it's not busted."

"I could have saved you."

"I know." Brittany kisses my aching lip. "Now buy me a funnel cake." She skates off.

Wow. That's the first times she's kissed me on the lips.

I think I would get punched everyday if she kissed me for it.

OLIVIA

30 minutes of complete silence is broken by John's voice. "So how are you doing?" His voice boom through the office.

"You know the same." I shrug my shoulders watching the second hand on the wall clock tick away.

"We still have plenty of time left to discuss whatever is going on." His pencil taps the top of his notepad again. He's becoming impatient.

I almost laugh at his movements. I bet if I really tried I could find his weak spot and we could have a knock down drag out fight today. I could figure out his insecurities in no time a drive a hole through his whole day.

"We do but I was thinking about cutting our session short, just waiting for the right time." I peek at him for just a second then focus back on the clock. Still 30 minutes left.

"Why?" I still feel him staring at me. I don't like it.

"I think you know why." The clock loses my interest and I focus on his pencil instead; up and down it goes, up and down.

My fingers keep moving on their own. They keep playing with the drugs in my pocket.

Natalia would be so disappointed.

"I believe you came here for a reason. You're not schedule until tomorrow."

"I wasn't thinking clearly at the time." I unscrew the cap off on vail then screw it back on tight just to unscrew it again. "I just needed…"

"Needed what?" Finally his eyes level with mine. "Why don't you put what's in your pocket on the table."

"We both know I can't do that." I stop fidgeting and hold the drugs tightly in the palm of my hand.

"Can't or won't." He sighs after I don't answer. In a rare move he puts his notepad and pencil down. "Have you thought about what we talked about last week."

"Yes and that's going to be a hard pass."

"Olivia, your depression is not going to disappear by itself. Cocaine in a simulant-"

"I fucking know all this already, you think I'm stupid!" I don't need things explained to me like I'm a fucking child.

"I see you're still having mood swings."

"You're baiting me."

"How much sleep did you get last night?"

"Not much." All together it was about an hour and half hours. I didn't even leave our bed last night. I just watched Natalia sleep.

She's been so tired she could probably sleep through an earthquake.

"Have you talked to your wife about your lack of sleep yet?"

"Why there's nothing she can do about it." I would rather one of us get some sleep.

"I honestly believe the anti-depressant will help with your mood and insomnia. It's why I prescribed them."

I should have bought more coke, this won't last. "I don't need them, for the last time." My hand starts to relax. Finally, the clock hands have moved.

"How many times have you bought drugs this week."

"Three times, but I'm clean." Isn't that what's important.

"If you leave now what will happen?" He crosses his long legs, folding his hands on his knee.

"I have to meet Natalia for lunch, then I go back to the hotel and wait for-"

"Olivia." He interrupts me with a 'I know you are lying' frown.

"Ok there is a small possibly of getting high."

"Before or after you see your wife?"

I have to laugh at the absurdity of the question. Of course, I'll be sky high before I see her. There is a small chance I wouldn't make it out the parking lot before doing a line or two.

"She'll know you are high and then what will happen?" He sounds so smug. "Tell me what will happen."

For the first time ever, John gets up from his chair walking to his book shelf.

"She'll leave me." I have no doubt in my mind Natalia would walk away from me.

"Is that what you want?"

"Of course not."

"Then put the drugs on the table." He turns back to me.

I'm not giving him anything. I'm 90% sure I am not going to do them. I just have them for comfort, like a security blanket.

"You're not thinking rationally."

"I know." I do know that, this morning I was such a zombie I sat and watched the meat burn. I watched the eggs over cook and instead of toasting bread I almost fried my phone. So yeah, I know I'm not thinking rationally.

"Since you know everything, I'm sure you know why." He takes his seat again.

"The chemicals in my brain haven't balance themselves out yet so it's making me seem-"

"Seem?"

"Seem," I repeat myself. "depressed. Which is why I can't sleep but am constantly tired. The lack of sleep is impairing my judgement which is causing me to act on my impulses. Hence why I keep buying drugs."

"Ok, so what's the solution?" John picks up his pencil and pad.

That's the million-dollar question. How do I make myself better? For sleep, I could take medication. Then I'd be hooked on them.

I could try anit-depressants but who knows how long I would be on them.

I could just get it over with and relapse, maybe do a better job of hiding my addiction.

But the drugs would raise my blood pressure which is dangerous for me. Rick told me that much.

I don't want another trip to the hospital I might not make it out the front the next time.

"Trick question, there is no solution." I joke with him.

"Wrong answer."

"No you're wrong. I don't want to use anymore chemical. I've done this before and I can do it again. I know it just takes time but I'll get better. I just have to stay strong."

"Exactly how long do you think you can keep this charade up?" His forehead crinkles as he waits for me to answer.

"You don't know the kind of pressure I'm under." Even I know that's just an excuse. I'm staling for time, because that's a good question.

How long can Natalia wait, how long should she wait?

In two stride he sits back down grabbing his handy notebook and pencil. "Tell me about the pressure." He crosses his legs again scratching notes on the paper.

"I could have been anything I wanted."

"But you decided to be a business owner."

"NO I decided to be an addict. That's why I'm sitting here with poison in my pocket."

"The pressures?"

"Right. I'm trying to be a good wife, you know? I cook breakfast, take her to lunch, give massages, help with homework and provide whatever I can. I do my best to be everything everyone needs."

"Wow." John puts his paper down. "I didn't know I was in the presents of God herself."

"Don't make fun of me."

"Your self-importance in almost comical." He sits back with a smirk.

"The point is I've prided myself with being strong and now I feel myself slipping. I know I can't just will myself to be better."

"You're right, you can't will depression to go away."

"First off I'm not depressed. I just wish sometimes Natalia could read my mind and just know I'm not okay."

"It might be easier if you told her."

"Maybe I want to tell her everything. Maybe at night when I can't sleep I hold on to her or crawl under her just to anchor my sanity. Maybe when I wake up sweating from a nightmare I lock myself in the bathroom. Maybe when I know she's awake I unlock the door and hope she comes in. Then just maybe I lose my nerve and lock it again so she can't see me falling apart. Maybe every night she's too late and the door is already locked when she knocks. Maybe I pray that one day I'll come out and she'll be gone. And maybe then she'll find someone who can sleep through the night."

John sits silent.

"Maybe I keep buying drugs in the hope that she will find out and leave." I think I've been preparing for that moment since the day I met her. "And just maybe I don't want her to leave because if she does I think I won't have anything to live for. Then I can really end this miserable ride we call life."

"Maybe you ask her for help."

"Maybe I want to but the words won't come."

"There is nothing wrong with asking for help." He leans forward trying to catch my eyes.

"Sometimes when I'm cooking breakfast I think about how much better her life would be if I were gone. I hope death is easier than life."

"Olivia…"

"Times up doc."

"Olivia wait!"

I'm out the door before he can stand up from his chair.

In the last few weeks I've had a lot of time to think while locked in the bathroom.

I've realized that I don't want to be like Doris and Blake. The song and dance they do every few years is soul crushing. They both know it won't last.

Like everything else I realize I'm just like her pushing the one thing I love the most away.

I wish I knew how to stop but I can't and every day I grow closer to losing Natalia.

The thought alone stops my heart and what do I do? I buy drugs to tame the panic that begins to rise.

I know it's not a solution, but I can't stop myself.

Being a spectator in my own life is getting old. Life is getting old.

It only takes 20 minutes to pick up lunch and get to the shelter.

"Olivia, I haven't seen you in a while." Father Ray jogs to keep up with me.

"Yea I know I've been avoiding you." I keep walking, smiling at a familiar woman and the new arrivals that flinch as we pass.

"Well my door is always open if you want to talk."

"No thanks," I let myself into Natalia's office closing the door in his face.

Natalia as always has a very skinny bald child in her arms. "You're early."

And like always she hands me the child even though I protest trading her for the food.

"Be gentle she has bruised ribs."

I always feel inadequate when it comes to children. Sure, I can buy them things but it's hard when trying to establish an emotional bond.

"Mm, Chinese food." Natalia digs into the plate of food like she's starving.

"Her stepmom cut off all her hair. How horrible is that? And look how small she is. She's 6 and is undersized for a 4 year old."

Even with a bald head the girl is cute with her pale skin, button nose and full lips.

I look down at the child when she looks up and immediately she her face crumples and she starts to cry.

"Oh, it's okay." Natalia tries to console the child.

But her cries grow louder by the second.

A woman that I've haven't seen comes in and takes the child. Before she can close the door, the child is sleep again.

She's too young to know but we're are more alike than she will ever know.

Without missing a beat Natalia is back at her desk twirling noodles around her fork. "She's usually good around strangers I guess she's just a little cranky. You should see her brother he is so-"

I drop the drugs on her desk from my pocket.

A few noodles drop from her mouth. Her fork drops to the plastic container with a thud.

I turn my back to her. I don't need to see the disappointment. As a matter of fact, I don't need to any of this.

Without a word I walk out of her office and drive away.

Because honestly, I'm more like Doris than I care to admit. The truth hurts.

NATALIA

So I'm waiting again. And I pray. I pray for Olivia's safety and well-being. I pray for whatever sins I may have committed that would bring evil into our house.

But mostly I pray for guidance, for someone, something to show me the next step. I need a sign from above.

A sob escapes the wooden blockade.

I close my eyes, not to block it out but to gather myself.

I need to put my emotions aside and find a rational solution to this reoccurring problem.

Another sob escapes the prison Olivia has enclosed herself in.

She's my wife and she's hurting and I'm here doing nothing. Doing nothing can't be the solution. The first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one.

In life problems have to be faced head on.

I set one foot on the floor testing the ground beneath me.

Another muted cry reaches my ears and I tiptoe across the floor to the bathroom door, which I know is locked.

I put my ear to the cold wood with steam rising from under it.

I don't care if I have to hide in the towel closet I need to be on the other side of this door.

"Olivia?" I tap on the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Go back to work." Her words are short as her voice wavers.

"Olivia?"

"Please just leave."

That's it, I can't do this standing still anymore.

I put my shoulder down fully intending on breaking the door down but to my surprise it's unlocked. I step inside and sight takes my breath away.

Olivia is sitting naked in the tub her knees pulled up to her chin. The hot water is pouring down on her head from the shower.

"Please Natalia."

I don't know if it is a plea for help or the beginning of her pushing me away.

For a pitiful second I actually think about leaving but I can't. Wolfe wouldn't leave and neither will I.

"Please leave."

"I can't." I close the door and slide to the floor beside the tub.

Angry red welts have started to form on her otherwise unblemished skin.

My heart stops when I see the red liquid circling the drain. A broken razor is laying at her feet.

"It isn't what you think."

I turn the water off, even the small droplet that touch me burns my skin.

I try to collect the broken pieces of blade but my hand is trembling so bad I can barely hold onto them.

There is a small cut on her ankle that has stopped bleeding. I circle my finger around the wound until Olivia hiss in pain. When I try to take my hand away Olivia grabs it hold on to it for dear life.

"Please don't go yet."

I couldn't be happier of God himself had appear before me.

If that is the closest I'll get to a pela for help I'll take it.

After plugging the tub and turning on the water I climb into the tub behind Olivia. Instantly she turns around climbing on top of me.

I let the cool water run until it's up to her chin and my chest.

I remember the dance we used to do when she was feeling vulnerable. I think the time for dancing is over.

I just need Olivia to fight with me instead of against herself.

So, I hold her tight until her body stops shaking, until her eyes dry, until her heart beat matches mine.

We sit that way until the water is ice cold, until the cold makes her shiver.

"Olivia, come on before you catch a cold."

Silently we move to the bedroom and redress in our night clothes even though it's the middle of the day.

In the bed I hold her in my arms.

Once again, her body is shaking I don't know if from exhaustion or from fear.

I know she is terrified to go to sleep and there is nothing I can do about it.

"Olivia, we have to get you some help."

She stays silent.

"I know how you feel about the medication John prescribed you, but I wish you would reconsider." I snake my hand through her wet hair. "You can't go on like this, we can't."

She finally looks up at me.

"I can't sit and watch you suffer. I can't keep waiting for the day you decide it's too much. I can't watch you get high or-" My voice gets caught in my throat. I can't finish my thought. I can't live through finding her dead. The image of her on our bathroom floor still haunts me. "I'm begging you to let us help you."

She lays her head back on my chest. "Okay. I'll go in the morning."

"We'll go in the morning." I correct her.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

BLAKE

"No, I have to go show a house." I try to keep some sort of dignity as I hobble around her room with one high heel on my foot.

"Why does it have to be so early?" Doris sits on the edge of the bed half naked and not even attempting to get dressed.

She can be so infuriating sometimes. "Will you get dressed?" She knows she has to take me to get my car.

"Why? I'll just wait until you get back?" She tries to grab my arm but I twist away.

I slip my other shoe on. I know I'm missing something.

"You look so sexy in your fuck me heels."

I roll my eyes at her. My bra! Where is it?

"Looking for this?" Doris has my bra swing off her index finger.

"Give it to me!" I cross my arm glaring at her. Every morning we go through this.

"That's what you said last night."

I already knew what she was going to say. "I know."

Doris just laughs. "Come on, one more hour. I'll write you note."

"Shh." I hush her. I know I hear buzzing. It must be my phone. "Where is my phone?"

We both shuffle through the tangled sheets trying to locate the phone.

"Here I found it." Instead of giving it over to me Doris unlocks my phone reading the message. Her flirty mood swiftly changes as she glares at me. "Can't wait for tonight." She reads the message.

"Give it here." I reach for the phone before she can read the rest of our conversation.

She snatches it away keeping me at bay with her arm. "Who is Brian?" Jealously is clearly laced in her words.

"He's my friend."

"A friend?" Doris gets of the bed reading the message again. She scoffs. "That doesn't sound like a friend to me."

What the hell she was bound to find out. "A close friend."

"A boyfriend?" She tries to stare me down like she does everyone else.

It won't work; it hasn't for a while now. It took me the better part of my life but I've all but mastered this game she plays.

"Are you mad?" I stand up from the bed.

"Why should I be?' She sits with a straight back on the edges of the bed sulking in her own way. "This is why we were late last night?"

"It doesn't matter now, I'm here… with you." I don't have to try to even think about seducing her. It comes natural to me. I hike my skirt up so I can straddle her. "I'm here now." I whisper in her ear feeling her body shiver.

"What about tonight?" The look in her eyes makes me shiver in return. They beg for attention, for approval, for love.

All these years I've been pining away for her, she's been doing the same, just in her own way.

I take her hand sliding it between my legs. "You feel this?"

Dumbly she nods.

The reversal of role these last couple of months is such a turn on for me. "Only you."

Ever so timidly and slowly her fingers begin to massage my very core.

I have to bite my lip to keep from moaning or giving into the pleasure. I have to get out of here if I'm ever going to make my showing.

If it's anything I could count on in her college years it was Doris leaving me wanting more.

I lean closer to her, our lips almost touching. "You know I want to be with you."

Her eyes darken with lust not love and that's all I have to remember.

I pull the phone out of her hand. "But right now I have a job to do." I slide off her lap, retrieving my jacket off the back of a chair. "Maybe I'll see you later."

Her mouth drops open in an almost comical way.

Leave them high and wet, they'll come back for more.

"I have to take you."

"Don't worry, I'll get Rodney to take me." He and Johnny pretty much spend the night outside of her door trying to be the first to her side.

It isn't until he's pulling out of the drive way I realize I still don't have my bra. "Oh, well."

"So what are you doing tonight?" Brian hands me a bottle of water sitting next to me on his couch.

"Dinner with Natalia and Lindsey." I tuck my feet under me laying my knees on his leg.

"I was hoping to spend an evening with you." Brian smiles showing off his deep dimples. He knows I love them. Every time I see them I just want to kiss them.

He's loveable with his dimples, salt and pepper hair, and teeth with just one imperfection. His top k9 teeth are slightly crooked. That's still adorable.

Still I don't love him like I love her. I don't know why. Why couldn't I have met him first?

"You know it's okay."

"Hmm?" I sip my water.

"It's okay that you don't love me…yet."

"Yet?" I almost laugh. Yet, is his favorite word. He's a natural optimist. Everything in due time he tells me.

"Yes, yet." He takes the bottle out of my hand. "I tend to wear people down until they can't live without me."

"Oh, yea. And just how many have you worn down?" I play aloof even though we've had this conversation more than once.

"Just you." He stands up with a wicked smile. "I'm going to be continue to be your sponsor, your 'learn to love someone else' sponsor. And you know who that person will be?" Slowly Brain unbuckles his belt, then pulls his shirt tail out of his pants. One button at a time is undone.

"Who?"

"Me." Brain whips his shirt over his head then tosses it to me.

While he doesn't have a six pack he has a sexy body and a sharp mind.

Brian kneels on the floor pulling my legs from the couch. He lays his chin on my knees looking up at me with the most gorgeous hazel eyes. "Someday you're going to realize what it's like to be loved unconditionally and to love back." His hands slide up the outside of my thighs.

I open my legs to relieve some of the pressure.

"Great sex and monogamy can go together."

I want that. I want a partner, a family. The person I want it with is Doris.

"So, is there something you want to tell me?" Brian lifts full bushy eyebrows begging me to tell the truth.

When he first said he would be my sponsor we agreed that I would try to be faithful. For a while I was but Doris just has an effect on me. Sometimes I can't control the need I have for her. I told Brian when he asked me out. To my surprise he was okay with it. We did agree that if I slipped I would let him know. So, it's not really cheating it's more like a relapse to an addiction or habit.

"I slept with her last night."

The look in his eyes kills me. It's the same look Frank had when we got married, only this time I care. I want to love Brian and in my own way I think I do. It's just that one person who I can't stay away from. Who I compare everyone to, whose name I can't stop saying.

"Thank you for being honest." Brian smiles. "When you're ready to give me a real chance let me know." Brain stands up continuing his strip tease. "Now where was I?"

DORIS

"I just don't get why you have to let him hang around all the time." Rodney whines for the hundredth time.

He's getting on my nerves. Sometimes I just want to stab him. If it weren't for Olivia, I would have already had him laid to rest. I don't hate him as much as I used to but I don't love him yet. I need to keep him close to me to keep his bad habits from Olivia.

He can't stay clean for more than two weeks at a time. He doesn't need to be around Olivia when he's high.

She can't afford another trip down memory lane. The last one almost killed her. The next might do the trick.

"Because." I close the laptop as Olivia saunters into the room. I don't think she knows how sexy she is when she walks.

"So why are you two in my office?" Olivia sit on the desk waiting for an answer.

"Duh, we came to see our bestest friend." Rodney doesn't hesitate to envelope her in a hug.

Olivia returns the hug looking back at me.

I shrug my shoulder, every day she asks that question when she already knows the answer. We come here everyday to sit with her in the dark. Mostly to make sure she isn't hanging from a ceiling fan or bleeding in a bathtub. Lately her mood has lifted. There haven't been to many dark days or crying fits.

Of course Johnny doesn't mind. He's in love with my assistant so anytime I'm away he can have is alone time with her.

"How's Natalia?" Rodney sits in a chair.

"Okay, why are you asking about my wife?" Olivia straightens her shirt staring at Rodney.

I just enjoy the view. I love when she wears jeans, skin tight. Just so I can think about peeling them off. I know what's under them and I know she can be addicting.

"Because we're cool."

"You two are not cool." I tell him. Natalia definitely likes him more than me but they still aren't cool.

"We are. Just ask her." Rodney smile smugly at me.

The only reason they talk is so she can squeeze information out of him and he's too dumb to realize it.

I stand up from her chair, stretching my back. My muscles have been tense with frustration.

Ever since this Brian person has come into Blake's life she's nowhere to be found. She won't answer her phone or emails.

We used to have sex at least four times a week now it's down to around two. I can't live like this.

"Why is she being mean today?" Olivia cocks her head towards me.

"She's worried Blake is going to marry this new guy." Rodney tells Olivia.

Olivia nods but doesn't negate him. She knows something, she has that look.

"What was that? That's look."

"What?" Oh yea she looks guilty as sin.

"You know something; tell me now." I creep around the large desk.

Olivia gestures at her lips zipping them.

"Oh don't make me force it out of you."

"You can't." Another knowing look crosses her face. She tries to bolt but Rodney catching her for me.

"Rodney!" she screams.

"Olivia?" I make her look at me. "Tell me or I'm going to tickle you until you pee yourself."

"Wait I promised." She grabs one of my wrists as I go in for the attack.

"There are no secrets between us." I counter giving her time before I start tickling her sides.

"Doris, please I can't."

"Okay I warned you." I get my hands free attacking her ribs. Instantly she starts to laugh and drop like a sack of potatoes. I follow her to the floor staying on my knees. I run my hands up and down her sides hitting every ticklish spot I can. "Rodney, get her arms."

Rodney is able to get one arm holding it above her head, while I tickle under her arm.

"Okay." Olivia says through her laughter. She starts to cough from laughing so hard.

We yield waiting for her to catch her breath.

Olivia sits up her face red and with water in her eyes. "Natalia just said she thinks this guy is serious and so is Blake. They might make it official soon."

My good mood goes right out the door. Why is it always some asshole trying to change what Blake and I have? They just don't get that we are happy with our relationship.

"Don't be mad."

I wave Olivia off. "I'm not. Frank couldn't change it, neither can he."

"Do you want Blake?" Olivia takes my hand.

"I think I do." I hate to admit it. Blake is someone I need. She's who I can run to from my problems. She doesn't ask too many questions. She accepts my attitude towards relationships and doesn't ask for more, at least most of the time.

"You can have her if you just do a couple of things to let her know you're serious."

How serious can I be? I can't promise to be faithful. I can't promise much. That's why she knows she can't be too mad at me, because I never promised her anything.

No one says anything for a while.

"So, what about you and Natalia? You fucking yet."

"Rodney!" Olivia punches his shoulder. "If you must know, we're still working up to doing something."

"Oh yea." Rodney smirks closing his eyes.

"Stop that, you're making it creepy."

"No I'm just happy for you." Rodney tackles Olivia. They roll until she's on top of him. "How is it?"

Olivia turns over on top of him staring at the ceiling.

"You know what your problem is." Rodney hugs Olivia's body.

"No but you're going to tell me." Olivia reaches behind her head combing her fingers through Rodney's still black and blond hair.

"I am and I know you're not going to agree but Doris will because I'm right." He winks at me but all I want to do is punch him. Like I want to hear about Olivia having sex with Natalia, there no way she can compare to me.

"Don't put me in it." I sit beside them stacked like plates.

"No, for real I been thinking real hard about this."

"Rodney just say it." Olivia tugs on his hair.

"You haven't had sex with us yet."

"What?" Olivia tries to get up but Rodney holds her on top of him.

"Listen." He holds her until she stops fighting. "After David, we went on a binge, right?"

I nod. I remember that vividly.

"After the binge, I got out of the hospital and we all had sex until we collapsed."

We did. I remember Olivia was so rough I had bruises for weeks.

"So?" Olivia agrees.

"Okay and remember when that guy said something that triggered your dreams. His name was Ellen or Erin."

"Elliot." I correct him.

"After that we binged then we had sex and you were right as rain."

That's true too. Before we binged, she would barely let anyone touch her. Afterwards she was almost back to normal besides the nightmares.

"And after her." Rodney pauses, squeezing Olivia. "After her you graduated, and we binged. After you got out of the hospital we fucked."

"We did." I agree again. Again, Olivia left scratches on my back that I had to go to the doctor to get dressed. Plus, I couldn't walk for a day or two without my private hurting.

Olivia contemplates what Rodney has said.

I can't argue because all of it is true.

"So, what do you want me to do tell Natalia I have to have sex with you two, so she can fuck me again." Olivia's growls. She's going to retreat into herself.

I crawl on top of Olivia and Rodney before she can shut down completely. "Why not?" I tickle Olivia again.

She laughs wiggling under me. "Oh, yea like I'm just going to go to her and say, 'Baby I'm going to have sex with Rodney and Doris, please be okay with it'. Yea she'll go for that."

"How do you know if you never ask?" I tickle her again. "Or we can do a condense version of our sexcapades, clothes on and everything."

Olivia looks at me considering her options.

I look past her to Rodney. He nods at me.

We know what she needs. I test the water by gliding my hand up her shirt.

Her breath catches. "Doris?" She looks at me a little scared.

"You don't have to be afraid."

Just like I expected, Olivia starts to fight. Her hands grab mine. I've always known how strong Olivia was so it doesn't surprise me when I end up on my back with her on top and Rodney beside us.

She has my hands pent above my head. When we were younger, she used to get me in this position and fuck me until I begged her to stop. Rodney who was always on the fence about his sexually would take my place until I recovered.

We'd go for hours feuded by drugs and alcohol, Olivia keeping the upper hand. It wasn't after Lily did she let me top her once. Every other time she always topped us, not like either of us mind.

"I want to." Olivia lays her head on my chest. "I need someone to hurt." She whispers.

I look up to see her wife standing at the cracked door. This is why I hate open doors.

"When's the last time you got off?" Still I can't help but fuck with her. I know she can't hear what Olivia's saying.

"I just can't do that to her."

"You can do it to me." I take advantage of the moment rolling us again. I lay between her legs. Rodney notices her wife too.

I get closer to Olivia's face. "If she loves, you she'll understand."

Olivia shakes her head.

I look up and Natalia is gone from the door.

"Rodney!" Olivia jumps beneath me.

"I can't help it. There are two beautiful women on about to fuck." Rodney laughs rolling on his back. His slacks have formed a very noticeable tent.

I get up, dusting my skirt.

"Easier said than done." Olivia stands straightening her shirt. "And if you want her you should definitely stop doing things like that." She walks upon me like she going to kiss me. "And no matter how bad you want it and I know it's bad."

I hold my breath. I am horny.

"I belong to one woman." Olivia moves a hair closer. "And you can stop teasing her she knows who I belong to." Olivia smiles, walking to her desk. "And about not lying to each other. You two are holding out of me."

Rodney does the one thing you aren't supposed to do. He looks at his shoe taking deep breath before looking to me for an answer.

I shake my head at him. "We have to go. Call me."

Rodney and I walk out of her office. "You're such an asshole. Natalia's gonna cut you one day." Rodney bumps my shoulder.

I laugh. I am and I would like to see the day Natalia battles me.

"What about our problem?"

"You take care of it and I'll take care of the rest."

BLAKE

I hit the volume button on my phone for the sixth time in ten minutes.

"Do you want to answer that?" Lindsey questions me more amused than annoyed with a champagne flute dangling between her fingers.

"It can wait." I can't help but smile with the devil on my shoulder.

Doris has been calling me nonstop for the last week. I think this separation is finally getting to her and at the worse time.

For the last month, I've put a lot of space between us. Having sex with her then seeing the look in Brian's eyes when I told him was too much to take, while it's probably what he had in mind.

I'll give it to him, it's working.

So, I haven't had sex with Doris in almost two weeks. During that time, she has been almost stalking me. Showing up at my home uninvited sending Johnny or Rodney to my open houses. It's very flattering if not annoying. Because she knows if she would just say a few words I would gladly welcome her into my life.

"Mhm." Natalia chimes in trying to swallow her bite of food. "When are Jaime and Brittany getting back? Rafe needs someone to follow besides Olivia."

"Tomorrow." Lindsey says like she hasn't been dying from them to return. Ever since they left she hasn't had anything to occupy her time except us. If we let her she'll keep us out at dinner until late.

"I still don't understand why you didn't go?"

I've wondered it myself. I know Lindsey said she wasn't close to Jaime's bother but they're kind of family. He's also Brittany's father. I think Jaime didn't want her to go. I know she's ashamed of her brother's drug habit which finally killed him.

"Things are already tense and I didn't want to add to it. Plus, her parents; don't even get me started." Lindsey waves her fork around. "They are so militant it's unbearable."

"Militant?"

"Yes, no wonder her brother rebelled so much. No one could live in such a strict environment." Lindsey stops sipping from her glass. "I don't even want to talk about it, but let's just say if her father we any more uptight he would be a statue."

"That still doesn't explain why you didn't go for at least support." Natalia continues to push.

"Well, her father is racist, if you want to know the truth." Lindsey says as a matter of fact.

I think she catches us both off guard. Natalia drops her fork. "They're racist? But they're black?"

"Yes, hence Jaime's skin pigments. They don't like white people." She points at herself. "I'm as white as they come. He wouldn't even acknowledge I was in the room when I first came home with Jaime."

"That must be hard on your relationship." I know Doris's mother doesn't approve of me, but it never affected our relationship because Doris hates her mother. She would do anything to make her uncomfortable or angry.

"It still is, they guilt Jaime so much. She pulls away from me and it affects Brittany." Lindsey sits still in her chair staring at her food. "I just want her to come back so I can undo the damage."

"Wow. I'm speechless. Who does things like that?"

"Well if it helps, Brittany can stay with us. Rafe is beside himself and don't worry they both adore you so much." Natalia rubs Lindsey's shoulder.

I just want to give her a hug.

"Okay lighter subject." I announce.

I walk out of the restaurant trying to decide if I want to go home or go to Brian's house.

I told him I might come over tonight. I intend to, then again it might be too late. It's already 10 pm.

I also know Doris is probably waiting in my driveway. Decisions.

I'll go home and if Doris isn't there I'll go to Brian's. I should go to Brian's first but I'm not. No matter how guilty I feel I can't just cut that part of my life of completely.

True to my belief Doris is already parked outside of my house.

I park my car behind hers and walk past her as if she wasn't there.

"How was your date?" She follows me into the house as if she lives here.

"You want something to drink?" I drop my keys in the bowl by the door.

"No, I called you." She follows me into the kitchen.

"I know, but it would have been rude to just answer my phone in the middle of dinner." I go to the refrigerator. I don't want anything out of it, she'll need it. I know where this will end. Might as well be prepared. I grab two small bottles of water and a package of blackberries. She loves these things. When every the are in season her fingertips stay dyed.

Doris stands in the doorway looking very uncertain and run down.

I walk pass her to my bedroom. I sit the items on the nightstand and turn to her. "It must have been important."

"Very." Doris presses against me in front of the bed.

I lick my lips just aching to take her right now. "I can only imagine." I let her unzip my skirt letting it fall to the shag rug.

Doris's eyes drop to my underwear.

"You sure it couldn't wait?"

"God, no." Doris almost tackles me to the bed. "Take this off." She pulls at my blouse.

I hurry to unbutton my shirt before she tears the buttons. This is a 200-dollar shirt.

Her mouth is on my neck instantly rushing to kiss down my chest.

"Wait, wait, wait." I get some space, just enough to take my shirt and bra off. "Okay."

Doris leans down taking my nipple into her mouth wrapping her tongue around it.

I can't stop my reaction if I wanted to; I arch up into her mouth, grabbing two full fist of her hair.

I wrap my legs around her waist, pushing up from the mattress. Her hips push back. I knew she would have it.

Someone wants to teach me a lesson.

I reach for her belt, tugging it from around her.

"Up."

I scoot up the bed trying not to lose contact with her mouth or hands. Doris pulls my underwear down my legs throwing them over her shoulders.

She crawls between my legs, hovering just out of reach. She stays that way until I beg her to touch me. Her fingers slowly slide into me with ease.

"More." I beg her.

"More?"

"Please."

Her fingers leave me empty. In a moment of clarity, I hear my phone ring. Answering it is a fleeting though and Doris who has stripped climb back on top of me. "Ready?"

"Yes."

She guides the strap on inside of my slow and deep, something Frank never learned no matter how much I complained.

I slide my hands up her back bring my fingernail down hard enough to leave a mark.

"You like that?" She emphasizes each word with the movement in her hips.

I can only respond with a moan.

"I knew you wanted this too."

It isn't until then I snap out the trance she has me under. I love her egotistical ways but it's also her biggest flaw.

I can play her body like a fiddle too.

I tighten my legs around her body, using my hips to roll us over.

She refuses to lie down; instead she sits up taking hold of my hips to control us from the bottom.

I won't let her; I'll show her who wants what. Combing my fingers though her hair I stop to massage the base of her skull while riding her like the ocean's tide.

Looking down at into her eyes, she knows the power has shifted. The want mixed with the helplessness send my body ablaze.

She knows it's a losing battle. The great Mayor of this city concedes, her hands pushing and pulling my hips but at my pace. Every forward swing creates the sexiest sound. It's her turn to sound like a cat in heat.

I rock a little faster whispering in her ear, "Does that feel good?"

"So good."

"How about this?" I circle my hips.

Doris drops her head back into my hands.

I rock then circle until her eyes roll back. She's figured out my pattern moving against me. It will be her undoing.

Her hands squeeze tighter. "Slow…down."

I speed up. "Why?"

Her hips jerk off the mattress.

"Tell me how good it is."

She opens her mouth to speak, nothing comes out. Her hands pull me down harder by my shoulder. Doris buries her face in my chest almost whimpering. "Fuck."

Her whole body tenses and slows. I slow my hip in time with her breathing.

When her body goes limp I push her back onto the bed. She pulls me down hugging me to her body.

If I lay my head down I can pretend we're a couple basking in the after glow of love making.

Maybe if I were still in denial I would convince myself her hugging me after sex was love and she was just too hurt by too many to say it.

Then I would only be lying to myself. I like to think that I'm not that person anymore.

I try to rise up, her arms squeeze tighter bring me back close to her.

"I'm not going anywhere." It's my house. "Why don't we get more comfortable? Then I can feel you vibrate against my tongue."

Doris smiles lazily.

When I met Doris, it wasn't just her I had to deal with it was also the Pack. I don't know how any of them lived with themselves throughout college, using people, not caring about their feelings.

It's the only drawback to me taking control of our relationship. I have to pretend not to care.

It's hard for me to just pick up and leave. Even cheating on Frank took its toll on me. I love to cuddle, the shy looks, the gentle touch or the crooked smiles after sex. I'm a romantic.

I think the change in our control has even thrown her off kilter.

The first few times I left she didn't say anything, just gave me an amused look.

Then she started to cling, holding me afterwards or making excuses as to why she couldn't drive home.

I want to believe that when she hugs me to her body she's asking me to stay, to love her. I never could deny her comfort, even if it's only for the night. I want her to know someone cares.

Silently she slips out of the harness.

I pull the covers back feeling the cool sheets mold to my body. "Are you tired?"

Doris stands beside the bed. Her eyes at half-mast. "A little."

"We could just watch t.v."

"Whatever you want." She shrugs her shoulders climbing into bed beside me.

I don't even watch television. My life is filled with enough drama. Still Doris purchased one for me. I only keep it in the bedroom so she can watch the business or stock market channel.

I grab the remote curling up to her side, mindlessly flipping through the channels.

"Did you see him tonight?"

"Who?" I look up at her; she's wearing a blank expression.

"You know who." She can be so jealous sometimes, but it's a complete turn on nonetheless.

"Why?" I lay back on her shoulder feigning interest in the latest breaking news.

"No reason." Doris moves interrupting my comfortable position. She sinks lower against the headboard.

I get up straddling her lap.

Doris closes her eyes taking very deep breaths.

I'm not naive, at least not anymore. I know how Doris acts and for the most part I know why. Her insecurities can eat her alive. She's never good enough and let's face it, we're getting older.

Well not me, but she's getting older. Her body is still holding up but one day it will begin to sag.

One day we might even start to look like our mothers, god forbid to act like them. But Doris is a special case, as much as she tries not to act like her mother, she can't help but be her identical twin. Even as hard-hearted as she can be, she's soft as melted chocolate when she gets in certain moods.

These are one of those moods which makes it hard for me to deny her anything; heart, mind, body or soul.

Doris looks down at the space between us.

I don't know what puts her in these moods, I wish is did. The lover and protector in me wants to hide her from the world.

"I was having dinner with Lindsey and Natalia."

She just shrugs her shoulders. "You're here now, right?

I tilt her head up kissing her with all the passion and love I've ever felt for her.

She hungrily reciprocates until I pull away watching her eyes darken.

"Let me show you how here I am." I lay down sliding between her legs.

Her breath comes fast and stuttered. I can feel her mound on my stomach soaking in her own readiness.

Nothing has to be said, I enter her with two then three fingers. I stay with long drawn out movement frustrating her to no end.

"Ah, ah." The sound is high pitched and drawn out like a moan. I love to hear it.

It only takes a few blissful minutes before her body arches off the bed gripping my fingers. Her body curls as the head comes off the pillow against my shoulder.

I ease her back to the mattress sliding out of her velvet grip and beside her.

She catches her breath turning on her side. She pulls me closer to her rubbing my back. "Where were you really?"

"With Natalia and Lindsey, why would I lie?" What I can only imagine as a day of frowning and worry, Doris smiles a mesmerizing smile.

"You're beautiful when you smile." I play with the tangle of light brown hair. I'm so glad they didn't say in the dark emo phase for too long.

Doris shakes her head blushing.

"Are you blushing?" I tease her as she tries to hide her face in the pillow. "No let me see." I start to poke her sides.

"No, okay. Don't tickle me." She catches my hand.

I stop struggling long enough for her to look up at me. God couldn't have made a more perfect face. She's breathe taking, glowing even. Reminds me of the girl I met at my uncles' bar.

"What?" Doris rolls over onto her back.

"Nothing. You're just beautiful."

"Stop."

I look down at her. "You are. I've never come close to meeting anyone that comes close to you."

Her eyes jump the wall refusing to look at me, still she tries to say something.

"Shh." I quiet her with a kiss. "Don't argue with me or I might spank you."

"Is that right?" Doris pulls me on top of her, our legs tangle.

"Why? Does that sound good?" I rotate my hips.

"Maybe." She bites her lower lip.

I nip at her neck up to her earlobe listening to her moan. "But not before you promise me one thing."

Panic crosses her face.

I'm not going to ruin the night by asking her to say anything she might not mean. I have a little something else in mind.

"Blake…"

"I want you to promise me that I can fuck you until you pass out."

"What?" Her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. I like to catch her off guard.

"I said I want you to promise me I can fuck you into a coma."

Her mouth hangs open for a few second before her brain reboots. "Yes, I promise."

She should know I don't break my promises. I look down at Doris sleeping peacefully almost tucked under me. The sun is on its way down and she hasn't stirred.

Doris does this every so often. She's so busy she won't sleep for days until she crashes on me.

She can easily sleep for twelve or more hours. A long as I don't leave for than a few minutes she'll stay sleeping.

As I look at her sleeping I always ask myself why I'm so caught up in her. The sex is great but there had to have been something else in the beginning. I've just been so caught up in bridging our current emotional gap I've forgotten. I still feel it pulling me towards her.

"You know I don't like it when people watch me sleep." Doris groans pulling the blanket up to her neck.

"You know I don't care." I tug the blanket down, kissing her cheek.

"What time is it?" Doris stretches like a wild cat.

"5."

"P.m?" Doris shots up.

"Yep."

"Why did you let me sleep so long? Where is my phone?" She runs her hand through her disheveled hair.

"On the nightstand." I move away from her preparing for business as usual Doris to reappear, surprisingly she sits still. "You were tired." I explain.

She still looks drained.

Slowly Doris lays back down staring at the ceiling.

Just because they're calling me I circle my finger around her nipple watching it harden before me.

"What are you on Viagra?"

"You do something to me." I throw my leg across her hips. "Are you saying you don't want to?"

"I didn't say that." Her hand rubs up my thigh all the way up to my butt.

"Are you still sleepy?"

"A little." She can't stifle a yawn.

"Poor baby." I coo at her.

"HA HA HA. Laugh it up."

"I'm not laughing." I pull the blanket back over us.

"Olivia's probably called 50 times by now. We were supposed to have lunch. I should call her to let her know I'm okay." Doris snuggled deeper under the blankets.

"She can live without you for one day."

Doris immediately tenses under me.

I know even suggesting she part ways with Olivia is a sin. I don't want to fight but I fear the damage had already been done. Time for damage control. "I'm sure she's probably still cuddling with Natalia."

Doris stays silent.

It almost felt like old times when we would lie in bed all day and I still had hope of us being together.

What more can I say, it is like old times. After all we are about to fight over Olivia. Unlike old times I've stated my opinion and I'm not going to beg her to stay.

DORIS

So much for today being peaceful.

"I'm just going to go." I slide off the bed finding my clothes neatly folded on a nearby chair.

"That's a surprise." Blake lies down her face turning crimson red.

I don't have the energy for the today. We've actually been doing well. Except for her absence everything has been rather smooth.

"Why are you doing this?" I'm so tired I can't even pretend to storm out. I don't want to leave. Hell I like being here with Blake. I like being in a normal house, sleeping next to someone without having to keep one eye open. It gets tiring throwing women out.

Besides Olivia, she's the only one in the life I can say I kind of trust. I can safely say no matter how mad she gets I can always come to her when I have no where else to go. A place where I can neglect my duties.

Yet somehow in the end we always fight over the same things.

"I'm not picking a fight. I was making an observation." Blake points accusingly at me. "You're the one leaving."

"Because you don't understand!" I throw my hands up just trying to hold on the little sanity I have left.

"I do Doris!" She crawls to the edge of the bed. "You don't get that I understand. You love Olivia and you want to protect her but she won't let you. Every time you think you're close you end up back at the start. I know because feel it everyday."

Oh no, she can't turn this around on me. She'll never win an argument with me. I'm a veteran. she's a fucking realtor.

"The difference is Olivia needs me and I promised I would always be there for her."

"You're her friend not her wife!" Blake starts to huff. "You said it yourself she has to live her own independent life."

"Why have you always been so jealous?" I'll never understand why she feels so threatened by Olivia.

"I'm not jealous Doris! I'm mad because you throw it way! What we had meant something to me and…" She pauses but I know there's a lot more, there always is.

"No go ahead and said it you always do."

Blake sits back staring at the blanket tangled beneath her.

My conscious breaks out of its cage the moment the first tears splash on her pale knee.

I'm not as cold hearted as everyone thinks. The people who know me know that.

If I were such a cold hearted bitch I wouldn't have had a second thought about fucking Olivia at the ranch. Did I go through with it? No. Why, because I knew she would regret it. It would have destroyed any chance of her reuniting with Natalia. No matter how much I dislike Natalia, Olivia loves the woman. So when Olivia had me pinned against the wall with her hand down my pants I didn't give in.

Instead I talked some sense into her thick skull.

I'm not cold inside hell most of the time I feel too much, the guilt and loneliness of life kills me.

I was raised to ignore those feeling, emotions aren't productive. Most of the time I can, sometimes they're just too strong.

When I was younger and rebellious, drug and alcohol were my remedies, now it seems to be the woman in front of me.

After getting attached to different women I swore I would never let anyone get close to me, not my heart or head. Maybe I was an ass to Blake, but I have to protect myself. Still she knows if she needs something I would do it for her.

This, this can't keep happening. I think I'm making myself out to be a liar. First this was fun, then it became a habit, then a need.

When I feel like my back is breaking from the weight of the world, Blake has always been my relief.

She takes care of me. At least for a while until she starts with the marriage and commitment song and dance.

Blake was the first person I wish I could have committed to. I really wish I could.

"What I felt was real." Blake wipes her eyes "Was it real to you?"

It was, too real. "What do you want me to say; we've been over this a million times." My mother used to warn me about getting attached to people or admitting the power they have over you. They'll always use it against you. Lesson learned.

"Just tell me the truth." Blake pleads her hands twisting in the blanket.

"It meant something."

Usually at this point in the argument Blake will smile and crawl into my lap. Most of the time she lets the subject go.

I don't know what to expect today, she's been very different.

Blake holds her ground on the bed. "Tell me you love me." She doesn't look at me but her hands freeze waiting for me to answer.

Love. She puts some much worth into just a word. Even if I mean it, I know I can't stay true to its meaning or the meaning she puts behind it.

All in all Blake is more akin to Olivia, more then she would ever admit. Just hearing the words are enough even if there is a 'but' behind it.

Who am I to deny her the satisfaction? We both know what the outcome will be.

"You can't even say it when we're alone." She starts to move away from me.

"I love you." There I said it.

She freezes, but there's no other reaction to the words.

I at least expected a smile, a jump for joy or something.

"Lock the door behind you." Blake crawls up the bed and under the blanket.

I sit on the bed truly stunned at the turn of events. "Isn't that what you wanted to hear?"

"Can you just leave?"

"No, I just put myself on the line here."

"How?' Blake sits up throwing the blanket off her. "Exactly how are you putting yourself on the line. Because you certainly didn't mean anything you said." Her hair whips around her face like a lions' mane.

"So you're the expert on my feelings?"

"No just your actions. You think all I want are words. You think that popping up every couple of days will pacify me, well you're wrong. And I'm crazy for thinking one day you'll change, but no more, Doris. I'm not waiting for you anymore so just leave!"

I try to respond but she cut me off.

"And don't tell me you're doing your best. That is Olivia's and your favorite line. But the truth is you two suck at doing your best and the only time you say it is when you know you're lying." Blake pulls the blanket back towards her. "We aren't kids anymore and haven't been for a long while. I want something concrete. So I can't keep doing this with you anymore."

The look in her eyes makes me believe she's serious.

I can't even speak; I'm trying too hard to tame the panic.

Have I lost my touch or is this a cry for more attention? I was being attentive, she's the one who refuses to answer her phone and blows me off to be with that guy.

"Doris?!"

"I'm listening."

"Are you?"

"This is about that guy right, Brian?"

The guilt is written all over her face. "Yes and no."

"Did he tell you pick one of us?" I knew it, someone is whispering in Blake's ear making her act this way.

"No he hasn't. He wouldn't because he knows who I would have picked." She had the nerve to defend him. "He's been real patient with me."

"So what?"

"This can't go on forever. He deserves a real chance but here I am with you, blowing him off again." She lowers her voice. "I really like him."

What about me? "No."

"No?"

"I said no." I repeat myself. "You can't let him control our relationship." God when I get through with him, he's going to regret even knowing Blake. "What has he got over me?"

"God you're not even listening to what I'm saying." She looks up at the ceiling. "He doesn't have anything over you; no one does. But you refuse to give us a chance and he's trying."

I move up the bed sitting beside her. "We're good together."

"We're perfect when you want us to be, but you can't be faithful. You won't even call to say you'll be late."

"I don't understand, why are you trying to track me?"

"See, See." Blake pokes my chest. "I worry about you. I'm not trying to track you or control you. To love someone and show it is not weakness or be controlling. You have everyone around you thinking that way and look at Olivia."

"There's nothing wrong with Olivia."

"Yes there is, you! She's can't even ask for help from her own wife because you have her thinking she's being weak! She needed help."

"She doesn't need help. She can do it by herself. If push comes to shove"

"She has you." Blake finishes my thought. "Why do it on your own when your spouse is there to help you carry the load?"

I shake my head. "What does that have to do with us?"

"I don't want to do it by myself. I want a life partner not just a sex buddy." She takes my hand. "I want to be with you. I want a love of my own, a family, normal life. I want you to let me help you even when you don't need it."

Wow, this just turned into a marriage proposal.

"Can you do that?"

"Sure." It's an automatic answer.

"Can you really?"

"No." That's probably the truth.

She pulls her hand out of mine with a lowered stare. "At least you're being honest."

"So what now?"

"I just want to be alone." Blake lays back down curling on her side away from me.

I don't. "If…" My heart has jumped into my throat. My mother would kill me if she saw me now. "What if I tried, like really tried?"

Blake sits up. There's so much hope in her eyes it makes me feel more confident.

"If I asked for another chance what would you say?"

She tries to keep from smiling, sucking on her teeth. "Are you asking?"

"Um…yea. I guess am." We sit in our own silence. I know what she needs. "Blake I would like to date you. I want us to try to be a real couple and I promise to try. I can't lie and say I'll be totally different but if you'll be patient with me I'll do my best to be what you need."

Her tears start instantly. "That's all I want." She grabs me rolling on top of me. "Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious."

I don't know what I got myself into but just the look in her eyes is enough to let me know I've done the right thing.

"Rodney, would you stop talking for one second!" I almost scream at him. "Both of you take a big step back, I need some space."

Rodney and Johnny both take a small step back from my desk, looking at each other.

I cannot breathe without at least one of them in my face. It's beyond irritating. I'm going to ban them from my office. "Both of you leave me alone for one day. Go find women to entertain you just leave me alone."

They continue to stare, shooting daggers at each other's.

"Both of you sit down right now." I point at the two chairs in front of my desk. "Now!"

The both scurry to sit down first as if they were going to get a prize.

"Snitch." Johnny has to say something.

"Bitch." Again they are in each other's face.

"I don't know what has gotten into you two, but I want it to stop. I can't get anything done with you constantly bickering."

"But D." Johnny

"No buts you need to work this out today."

The door to my office swings open revealing, Karen, my terrified assistant standing with the one person I've been waiting for.

"It's okay Karen." I dismiss her.

"Is this the guy?" Rodney asks sitting up straighter in his chair.

"This is him." I stand up extending my hand. "Good morning what can I do for you?"

He doesn't look too amused as Johnny and Rodney flank him. They tower over him. His eyes jump from one to the other before walking up to my desk. "Who do you think you are? Is this some kind of game to you?"

"I assure you I don't know what you're talking about." I retract my hand sitting back down in my comfy chair. He's lucky I'm in a good mood.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about. Blake isn't some toy for you to pick up and put down when you're ready." He leans on my desk. "You can call your dogs off now."

"It doesn't ring a bell, guys?" They both shake their heads staring down at Brian.

"This isn't funny. Consider Blake for one minute." He's not what I expected from Blake. He's short and his hair is graying. He's not even that good looking.

I don't like him, and I won't be fazed by him storming into my office and mentioning her name.

"We all get it. You can do what you want and have what you want whenever you want it. We all get that but there has to a line." His fist bangs against the desk top.

"Yea and it's going to start with your face." Johnny puts his hand over Brain's stopping him from beating.

"Johnny, be nice."

Brian tries to look tough. I see through him. He's scared, and we can't have that.

"Why don't you two give us some privacy Mr. Collins here obviously has something he needs to say. Go check on the dog make sure she hasn't torn up the basement."

Johnny and Rodney slowly exit the room giving Brian the evil eye.

"Why don't you sit?"

"I'd rather stand." He puffs out his chest.

"Well, continue."

"What do you want from her?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Why are you trying to ruin her?"

"Well I think your exaggerating a bit but if you are asking why I'm with her I can answer that. I'm giving her what she wants. She wants me not you."

His face darkens. "She loves me."

I almost laugh at his lame come back.

"You're nothing but a convenient distraction."

"What, from you?"

He leans across my desk. "You are all the same; expecting everyone to wait for you to bend over so they can kiss your ass." Brian shakes his head. "She was going to break up with you, you know."

"I'm sure at your request."

"You still don't get it."

"No, you don't get it. People like you just accept things or situations. I make them happen." I stand up from my chair. I occupy the space over the desk forcing him to move back. If it's a challenge he wants, then it's one he'll get.

"She not a game." He looks like he actually wants to take a swing at me.

God, I wish he would. "It was nice chatting with you."

"Blake deserves better."

"And all she got was you. Find your way out before you are tossed out."

"Or what? Are you going to kill me?" Brian shakes his head. "I'll leave and I'll just wait for you to fuck up. She'll see through you. All in due time." He walks out slamming my door.

I'll show him a convenient distraction. Everyone thinks they know what I am capable of. Romance is my middle name; money can only get me so far with some women. Charm gets me everywhere with anyone.

Blake won't know what hit her.

Some people would call it breaking and entering; I call it a real surprise.

Brian doesn't know what he's up against. I've been with Blake through boyfriends and husbands. She'll always choose me.

One last check of her home and I'm ready. Music, fruit, and blanket, everything needed for a picnic. Blake loves picnics; she's a sap for them.

I know I shouldn't be nervous but I am. My heart won't slow down. Even though I know I've won the rush of a challenge is still flowing through me.

A convenient distraction.

The lights from her car blaze through the window. I run to light the candles and turn the light off.

Blake walks in the door with an arm full of binders.

"Let me help you with that." I try to take the binders; Blake won't let go. "How was your day?"

Her mouth drops open as she looks around her living room. "What are you doing?"

I take the binders from her putting them on the table. "What do you mean?" I lead her to the blanket.

"What is all of this?"

"You said I never tried so this is me trying to be a better person for you." I sit down pulling her with me.

"Okay?"

"Blake." I get her attention. "Help me here. I'm trying so give me some credit. A thank you would be nice."

"I just need a second." Blake places her hand over her heart. "It's still so new to me, you've outdone yourself."

"Well believe it." I pull the bowl of pineapples closer taking one out of the juice. "You hungry?" I hold the piece of fruit up letting the juice run down my hand past my wrist.

Blake just stares at me.

"Fine." I guide the fruit to my own mouth.

"Okay." Blake grabs my wrist wrapping her lips around my fingers taking the yellow cube. "It's good and cold."

"They're fresh too."

"So this is really happening?"

"Yea."

Blake throws her arms around my neck. "My day was so crappy until I came home to you."

Now that's what I wanted to here.

RODNEY

"Didn't expect to find anyone up here." I walk out onto the balcony of the penthouse sitting next to Olivia's wife. I mean Natalia. We are finally on a first name basis.

She's starting to come around to loving me.

"I love it up here." Natalia lounges back in her lounge chair.

"I guess, I've seen better."

"You've seen worst."

"True." I sit back letting the sun toast my skin. I put the bottle on the other side where she can't see it. I just wanted to get drunk.

"We're you telling the truth?"

"About what?" I close my eyes to the bright sun.

"About Olivia's recovery. Is that something she needs?"

I slowly open my eyes wishing I could be anywhere but here.

Natalia turn on her side towards me. She ain't letting this go no time soon.

"I didn't know you heard me." This woman is so nosy, but that's what I like about her. At least she cares even if she'd never understand. "It's just things that happened in the past. I wasn't really serious, well not really." I channel Dory and play devils' advocate. "If it was would you allow it?"

Natalia's eyes dart to the sky. "No."

"So, what does it matter?"

"I could do that for her."

"No, you couldn't, plus Olivia wouldn't put you through it." I fold my hands behind my head just knowing a million more questions are forming in her head.

"It's not fair that you two think you're the only ones who can help Olivia. I can help too."

God now she looks like she is about to cry.

"You can but in different ways."

"Tell me what I couldn't handle." She challenges me turning the whole chair towards me. She scoots to the foot of it with her elbows on her knees.

"I'm just going to put it like this. The type of sex required isn't just ass smacking and name calling. It's a usual fight. Almost a recreation of an assault. That's the simple way to put it."

Natalia moves her chair back facing the sun.

"Look I know you don't want to hurt her but in this case, that very may well happen."

"But what about your rehab ranch?"

"It's not really a rehab. My uncle owns a ranch and he lets us stay in the big house."

"But what do you do? Are there doctors, activities, or a spa?"

"Maybe Olivia should be having this conversation with you." I sit up planting my feet on the ground. I don't know if Natalia would understand what we do or why.

"I would appreciate it if you told me. I don't want to set any memories off for Olivia. She's been doing so good." She puts her hand on my arm.

She knows how much I like human contact. And I can't stand it when women beg. "Fine but don't tell anyone I said anything. Not even Olivia. And you can't freak out." I hold out my pinky. I want her to swear even though I know she's going to tell, maybe not today but sometime in the future she's gonna to snitch.

Natalia hooks her pinky in mine. "I only ask you because I know you will tell me the truth without trying to aggravate me."

Hmm, that actually makes me feel good. I feel important. I like having friends like her. Oh god I sound like Frank's pathetic ass.

I know Olivia loves me but that's different. We've been through a lot together. We can't help but stand together.

"Cool." I take another sip of my drink. "Basically, when we get there we party. It's like a week-long drug, pill, alcohol, and women binge."

Natalia's face drops and turns pale.

"Not this time, though, Olivia didn't cheat on you."

"Olivia just overdosed and you go out partying?" Her eyes fill up with fire.

"Hey, no freaking out, remember?" I wait for her to calm herself. "Everyone knows you gotta have one last hurrah before going cold turkey."

Reluctantly Natalia nods.

"Anyway, after that week we detox. We have a nurse on call just in case it gets too bad." I hate this part of our rehab. "Pretty much we're locked in a dark basement throwing up in buckets and hallucinating."

"So, you can't leave?"

"Any time we want but withdrawal is a bitch. It's kind of different for everyone. I just hate the stomach aches and vomiting. Doris paces and talks like she's giving speeches. She snaps at the smallest things. Olivia seems to relive her attacks."

"Like what?"

"Like every fucking second. She wakes up screams for him to stop. She fights Lily in her sleep. It's all hell." I'm not saying anything else about that. I'll just get mad and do something stupid.

"Then what?"

"After that we help around the ranch. It helps to stay busy, so the cravings won't affect you so much. After that we go home, good as new." I pat Natalia's knee.

She still looks confused.

"I don't understand why you follow Doris. What does she have over you?" Natalia turns back to the sky lounging beside me.

I lay back too. It's a complicated question. "She doesn't have anything over me, well as about as much as I have on her."

"So, what is it that keeps you taking her abuse? I don't even know why you three are friends."

"I love her." That's true. I do love that woman with all her faults.

"She's so cold and menacing."

"No she isn't actually." I defend my oldest friend. "She can be kind and giving and she would do anything for me and Olivia. No she's not the kind of friend to help you through a tough relationship but when you are at the edge of a cliff and no one else is there to help you, you can bet your last dollar Doris will be there to help you back away. You just have to know her."

"Why so she can try to control me too?"
"She don't control us. Not really, especially Olivia."

"Explain that to me because I see something totally different."

I sit up downing my drink. "It might look like she controls her but she doesn't. Olivia is going to do what she wants to do anyway. No one can stop her. You of all people should know that."

Natalia slowly nods her head.

"Doris is just like a safety net. Whatever Olivia decides to do she's going to be there to help her with the fall out." That's what friends do, they help hide bodies and swallow drugs at customs.

"I guess I should be thankful."

"You should, as for why we're friends; I'm going to tell you something you don't want to hear." I need another drink.

"So tell me."

Somebody has to tell her the truth. She still lives in a fairy tale most of the time. It's time for a reality check for wifey. "The reason we're all friends is because we are all liars."

Natalia eyes snap to me. "What?"

"We are all liars. Olivia is a liar, I'm a liar and Doris is a liar. You really can't trust most of what we say. We'll scheme, plot and lie to get our way or to keep what we want. And it's not to hurt other people it's just what we do. That's why we make such great business people. Not only are we damn good liars but where assholes."

Natalia sits up turning her back to me. "You're right I don't want to hear this."

"But you should." I stand up grabbing my bottle. "We've been doing it for so long that we start to believe our own lies. I'm only telling you this so you won't be mad at Olivia anymore."

"I'm not mad at her."

"Oh please I see how you look at her when she doesn't know. She's convinced herself she was doing her best for you when in fact she wasn't." I walk around the chair to look her in the face. I know you are still mad, everyone does. "That doesn't mean you don't have a right, I'm just giving you some insight."

"Well I already know." Natalia gets up walking inside the penthouse. "I'm not mad. I'm worried. There is a difference. You all act like it never happened and maybe that isn't the best thing to do. Maybe we should all talk about it."

I follow her to the kitchen. She pulls out two bottles of water handing one to me. "I don't want it to happen again so I'm caution and I am trying to be strong for us."

I don't want water. "Good because I know you're strong enough to call her on her bullshit. If you love her enough you will."

"I do call her on it, some of the time." Natalia twist the cap off taking a big gulp of water.

I put my water back reaching in the back of the cabinet for the bottle liquor I keep stashed. "Good. She needs a good reality check too."

"What about you?" She takes hold of the bottle.

"I'm okay. I know up from down and left from right." I take bottle out of her grasp. "Now Doris is another thing all together."

"Don't even get me started. I want to tell Blake so bad."

The cap twists off easily and I immediately take a swig. "Trust me Blake knows. Deep down she knows Doris is going to cheat on her and she probably already knows with who."

Natalia grows serious. "Tell me, does she really love Blake?"

"I think so but Doris wasn't raised like everyone else. Her mom is a special case and did some work on her. Trust me she the way she is for a reason."

Natalia smirks stepping very close to me. "Since you shared everything, you ever," she winks. "You know with Blake."

"God no. I mean there was this one time when I almost but we didn't." I take another swig. "Doris would have killed me."

"Were they good together?"

"Of course and that's why Dory cheats. She's so bent on making sure Blake doesn't try to control her she becomes an asshole." We move back to the balcony. "This one-time Doris purposely got caught on Blake's birthday with two women."

"Are you serious?"

"You ain't even heard the half of it." I almost jump out my chair. My god I sound like my mother gossiping with her friends.

The elevator dings open.

"No matter what she loves you, remember that." I tuck the bottle between my legs to hide it from whoever it is.

"You better not be putting the moves on my girls." Olivia walks out squatting beside Natalia chair. As usual they stick their tongues down each other's throats. She moves to sit between Natalia's legs.

I need more friends, that are single and guys.

DORIS

I'm starting to think I can really do this whole relationship thing. It's been 3 weeks and still I haven't felt trapped at least not much.

I'm actually starting to look forwards to going home. Instead of an empty mansion, I go home to Blake waiting for me. Sometimes she cooks even though it's not the best. I like to see her smile when I complement her on the taste.

Even over crunchy rice I listen to her day. Mary at the flower shop gave her a dirty look. Natalia called her for brunch at 10 even though she and Lindsey were already on the way.

I could possibly get used to this, it's a little scary.

What's more surprising is that there doesn't seem to be a rush to cheat. Sure a few ladies have caught my eye and I've imagined sexing them on my desk. That's normal, what isn't is that I haven't. Haven't even thought seriously about doing it.

I stroll through the door, putting my keys in the bowl. I told her not to wait up that I would be late, progress.

The phone rings. I answer it just in case she is sleeping.

"You have a collect called from Frank form the United States Federal Penitentiary. Will you accept?"

Great this asshole. "Yes."

The line clicks over. "Blake, I got your letter. I'm glad you wrote back."

"Listen you asshole if you ever call here again I'm going to call my mother have you put in solitary confinement."

"What the hell are you doing there and where is Blake?"

"Did you fucking here me?"

"You can't do shit to me you fucking bitch. Guess what I get out in two years and I'm coming down there to…"

"To do what Frank? You can come here if you want And I'll fucking kill you."

He stays silent breathing heavily on the phone. "Are you two back together?"

"Not that it is any of your business anymore but yes. I've been keeping her warm for you."

"You fucking bitch I swear! It doesn't matter you'll fuck up in no time. You aren't a real threat to anyone's relationship because you can be in one. So guess what she will always run to someone else and one day she's going to see through you fucking games."

I can see his face twisted in anger.

"You'll die alone surround by people who hate you."

"If I ever see you again Frank I will kill you and I'm not kidding." I slam the phone down.

So much for trust when she's writing her ex in prison.

I won't let him sour my mood, not tonight.

Grabbing a water out of the frig I head to the bedroom. "Blake, you awake." The door is closed but the lights are on.

"Come in."

I walk in my frown fading instantly. Blake is laid across the bed in a black spaghetti strapped negligee. "What is this?" I kick off my shoe and throw my jacket on the back of a chair.

"Oh this." She bites her lip knowing how much it turns me on. "This is just a thank you."

"Really?"

"Come here." She crooks her finger at me. "Bottoms off."

I step out of my slacks and underwear crawling onto the bed.

Blake immediately pushes me on my back straddling my stomach. "These last weeks have been the best of my life."

"Anything for you." Sex, sex, sex.

"You know what I want now?"
" I have an ideal." Sex.

"It's nice to know we're on the same page." Blake rakes her fingers through my hair. She knows how much I love it. "Tonight is special. Tonight we consummate our relationship. Tonight we express our love through our bodies, like I've always dreamed."

Her words pierce something inside of me. My heart isn't beating; I think it's stopped.

"Take your shirt off."

I sit up my arms shaking the whole way. I don't know why my hands are shaking too. They're shaking so much so I can't undo the top button let alone the others.

Blake covers my hands. "Let me. No need to be nervous." Slow but steady Blake unbuttons my shirt sliding it off my shoulders.

I pull my hands free rubbing them together to stop their insistent shaking.

Blake laughs under her breath.

"What?"

"I love you so damn much." She unhooks my bra with one hand.

I've done this a million times but this feels different. I can't do this.

"Are you okay?" Blake strokes my jaw.

"I just need a second." I look at Blake waiting to let her take the lead again. For the first time I think I see the fireworks in her eyes. I've never seen her look so happy and fulfilled. It only doubles my anxiousness. How can it be so simple for her? "I think…"

"Shh." Blake pulls the silk fabric over her head throwing it on the floor. "Come here." She lies back pulling me on top of her.

I ease one leg between her. This is where I feel comfortable. I need to control this, bring her pleasure. That something I can handle right now.

Her leg wraps around my waist. I close my eyes trying to concentrate on anything but our bodies pressed against each other. If I don't I'll start to fast and it'll all be over.

Tonight needs to be about Blake, she wants me to show her I can offer.

"You feel so good against me." She whispers or moans. I can't decipher her tone with the blood rushing through my ears.

I don't know what's wrong with me tonight; every sense has died except touch.

The seconds tick away and I'm still afraid to move.

"I need you." Blake pulls me tighter to her forcing me to look at her. "I need you right now."

I nod still trapped in a web of my own making. She needs me, I lean down kiss her lip gloss covered lips.

She deepens the kiss sucking by bottom lip, her tongue running across my teeth.

Finally, I'm able to move just enough to slide my hand between her legs. My fingers dance through her slick lips.

Blake's hips rise off the bed. Her moans vibrate through both of us settling the pit of my stomach. Involuntary my body shutters and shivers. I'm going to explode.

"And I thought I was the only one who felt it." Blake massages the tight muscles in my back even that makes my body curl.

I don't like this feeling it's too strong. Every tense of her thigh, rise of her hips, even the hot air of her breath is pushing me closer to the edge.

I vaguely feel her hand cover mine between our bodies.

"Slowly."

It's almost as if I'm moving in molasses. I roll my finger around her engorged clit.

"Right there."

I know she said slowly, but I'm on edge. I feel like I could pass out at any moment. Slow is becoming a very distant memory.

Gently I slide two fingers inside of her body.

It seems we both let out a breath we've both been holding.

She rocks following the movements of my fingers and I rock against her.

We keep a study pace. My body is on fire for release.

Blake drags her perfectly manicured nail down my back and I add a finger.

Blake clamps around my fingers. We push and pull at each other. Her tongue, lips cool my over heated skin.

And just when I think I can't take anymore Blake's nails dig in deep. The pain is so delicious; I never knew I need it so much until her.

A high pitched whimper come through loud and clear even though Blake is biting her lip to be quiet. Her body rhythmically convulses. "Ah, ah."

I close my eyes thinking about my schedule, it all I can do not to go over the edge with her. I'll control with I come not her. I need to go anywhere but here.

Blake's grip slowly eases before slipping away. "After all these years it still feels like the first time." She laughs pulling me to her, pressing her lip against mine.

I don't respond. I want to leave but I can't. I don't want to be alone but company would be in the form of a naked woman. I promised I wouldn't.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I disconnect from her trying to get up.

"Oh no where do you think you're going?" She stops my pinning me to the bed.

I wasn't going to go anywhere anyway. I hate to admit it. If anyone has ever gotten me to stay it was Blake. From the first moment I saw her everything has been too real. She made me feel too much for her. It's always been our problem.

She knows me too well and right now I can't take it and Blake is relentless.

She's everywhere; sucking, pinching, biting.

"Baby." Blake is back hovering over me. "I can never get enough of you."

"That's a good thing right?"

"Very."

Her hand creeps between our bodies finding the exact place I need her.

"We're going to play a little game." Blake whispers in my ear.

I try to keep my eyes open. I need to see her, keep everything in the now.

"Put your hands on the head boards." She stops everything until I cooperate. "Good, now the game beings." Blake slides between my legs. "If you take your hands off the headboard then I'll stop. You understand."

"Yes." I'll agree to anything right about now.

"I want you to look at me." Blake slithers down my body. "Which is better? One?" Her fingers swipe across my clit. My heart jumps at every pass. "Or two?" She slides those same fingers down, penetrating my body.

"Two!" My throat clenches. "Two." I rock with her.

She kisses just below my belly button. The tip of her tongue trails down stopping just above my sensitive nerve. My shoulder twitches to push her lower.

Blake clicks her tongue. "Don't do it or I'll have to stop, those are the rules."

I nod looking at her smile. "Okay."

"Two?" She pumps her fingers curling them.

"Fuck." It's all I can say, my brain is burned out, my body is about to implode. I don't even here the rest of my options.

"Doris, I need you to listen." Her fingers keep moving.

"Yes!"

"Two or three?" I feel her breath on me.

"Three."

"You haven't felt three yet." Her tongue runs up and over my clit. The pleasure is too much to take. Just the touch of her tongue sends an electric shock up my spine. The jolt forces me to sit up.

Blake barely moves just kissing my stomach. "You took your hands off the headboard."

I take a deep breath. I have to get it together. I'm just putting too much into this evening. It's nothing I haven't done a thousand times before.

Blake slides up my body as I lay back down. She stares down at me. "Do you think I'm going to hurt you?"

I wouldn't let her. "Of course not."

"So there's no reason to be nervous."
"No, I know." Blake places my hands back on the headboard. "It's just been a while."

"It's been a few days."

"Yea, like I said a while."

"Shut up." Blake smiles, her fingers reentering my body.

I can't stand it; each retraction of her finger is slow and torturous. "Faster." I've never been in such a rush yet scared of where I'm going.

Blake speeds up, curling her fingers, reaching deeper. I moan and groan. The faster she goes she higher the volume of my voice.

"You like that?"

All I can muster is a slight nod.

Suddenly I'm overstretched strings, Blake's finger sharp as shears.

It's coming on too strong. I try to push at her hand; I'm not sure if I ever even raised my hand. I know I feel the blanket; I feel her golden hair. I feel her teeth pulling at my nipple.

One string.

"Hold on."

Another string.

"I want you to scream."

Another sting.

"Tell me when you're ready." Her teeth tug at my ear lobe.

"NOW!" Whatever was breaking has broken. I can actually feel the chemicals release into my brain, causing a dizzy high. I've lost control of my body; it curls and stretches until it hurts.

It takes a minute before the spots clear from my sight. Blake wraps herself around me.

Damn this woman.

"There's crackers on the night stand."

Good because I'm starving. I take two and nibble on the corners.

Blake shifts throwing her leg over my hip. "Don't get any crumbs in my hair."

I let my hand lightly trail down her side and back up.

Where's that other shoe?

Before I know it, Blake is already sleeping.

I can't sleep. Frank got under my skin as much as I hate to admit it.

I don't like this feeling. I don't like it.

If this is going to work I need something to quiet the voices in my head and more people running intefernce.

RAFE

I don't know why I even agree to wake up so early. Shit the sun just came out.

"Rafe! Pay attention!" Olivia yells from the side of the mat.

"I am." Jesus. I put my hands back up watching Rodney smile and cock his neck.

I been hoping to spar with him. I'm going to kick his ass and good.

We circle each other bouncing from one foot to the other.

"Come on kid, swing." He pokes his chin out. "Come on."

His smug face just makes my blood boil. I blame him for everything. All the wars, poverty, you name it, it's his fault.

He smiles and I take a swing and another. I keep punching at him and he dodges everyone. I punch until my shoulder ache and I can't lift my hands.

I look at him with his smug smile. He cocks his fist back like he's going to hit me and I flinch. I flinch for fuck sakes. Olivia wouldn't flinch.

He ducks legs sweeping me. I land on my back out of breath.

He stands triumphant over me. "You don't have enough hair on your chest."

"Rodney!"

He backs off.

Olivia helps me up. He's lucky she's holding me because I would have rushed him while his back was turned.

"Rafe what have I told you about letting your anger get the best of you. You have to stay calm and calculating." She pats my head gear. "Anger makes you blind."

We walk to the bench as she straps her gloves on. "He's bigger than you so you have to measure and pick his weak spots."

She keeps saying that but I don't know what the hell she is talking about. His arms are longer than mine and he has the experience. What weak spot?

"Watch and learn." Her and Rodney tap gloves in the middle of the mat.

"Don't take it easy on me." Olivia steps back in as defense position.

"Oh I won't." Rodney starts his bouncing waiting for her to attack.

They trade a few shadow punches not coming close to landing.

They circle each other a few more times before Olivia attacks. She throws a half punch, Rodney goes to block but she kicks his knee and he crumples.

Instead of attacking again she backs off and lets him get up. Now he looks mad.

"That's how you want to play it." He jumps on his toes shaking his leg out.

I almost slide off the bench. I like to see Olivia fight. It's oddly thrilling.

He throws uppercut catching the side of Olivia's face. She twirls hitting him in the side of his face with the back of her glove.

He stumbles but catches himself running at her. She punches him right in the face. His head snaps back so fast it looks like his neck is broken.

Still he doesn't fall.

Olivia steps back to kick him but he catches her leg, before she can do anything he punches her in the face. I stand up getting ready to tackle him.

Just as I'm about to intervene Olivia jumps using her other foot to kick him in his chest and they both fall.

As fast as they hit the floor they're back up running at each other. All they are, are a flurry of fist.

Rodney finally stumbles back and Olivia is on him. A gut punch knocks the air out of him. I smile at his groan.

Doris stands up rushes Olivia from behind.

"Behind you." I warn her.

She turns in time to grab Wolfe and flip her. They tussle on the ground until Doris lands on top. She punches down at Olivia who moves to avoid the pounding.

She easily flips Wolfe off her. Rodney gets up running at her. This time I run up kicking him in his hip. He turns towards me, his face red as a tomato.

Olivia punches him in the back and he drops yelling. Doris swings at me and I side step each punch.

I watch as she punches and time slows. The punch comes like a turtle crawling. I duck under her arm and grab her arm taking both of us down the ground.

I stand up happy to finally win one. That's is until I feel a solid kick to my hip.

I turn around and Olivia signals for me to put my hand up.

My heart jumps in excitement.

"You ready?"

"You know it." I answer swinging at her. She ducks and deliver and solid blow to the side of my head. It's my turn to stumble but I don't fall.

I have watched her fight for some time now and I think I know her weak spots. She likes to kick or tackle.

I charge throwing two punches. I won't give her room to kick me.

She lands one punch to my stomach. It doesn't hurt so I know she pulled it.

We trade a couple of more light blows. I see it in her eyes, she's about to lay me out.

It has to look like the end of Rocky because we hit each other at the same time and both fall with a thud.

Oh shit. I actually see stars.

"Rafe! Olivia!"

Oh shit.

Ma runs to my side snatch the head gear off my head.

"Ma I'm fine." I move away from her hands. Jesus Christ I'm a man.

"What the hell do you two think you are doing?" She stands up looking down and both of us.

"Natalia, sweetheart please stop yelling." Olivia and I stand up. I slide behind her.

Maybe Ma will take it all out on her.

"When you said you were working out I thought you meant jogging."

"We did, now we are working on conditioning."

Ma is totally not buying it.

"Olivia."

"I know. But this is our bonding time so please can we speak in a minute." Olivia leads her back to the beach where I was sitting.

Rodney who has finally caught his breath stands up and bow to me. I bow back before me and Olivia bow to each other.

She throws her arm around my neck. "I'm proud of you. You got a good one in on me. I didn't even see it coming."

I know it's lame but I like when she says that. I know how much of a disappointment I am to a lot of people so it's good to hear someone is proud of me.

"Next time I won't underestimate you." She taps my ribs. "Go get a shower and get ready for school."

"Ma's mad uh?"

"Don't worry I'll smooth it out." Olivia rubs my hair. "And get a haircut."

I stop the way out and kiss Ma on the cheek. "It didn't hurt."

NATALIA

"Hey, Natalia." Rodney stops as he exits the room.

"Did you hit my wife?"

His mouth drops open. "Well that's kind of the point." Doris pushes him out of the room as he tries to explain.

Olivia kisses my neck. I know what she is trying to do and I won't fall for it.

"I'm upset Olivia."

"I know." She hugs me close to her sweaty body. "I always make sure Rafe has on protective gear."

"I don't want him fighting and I don't want you hurt." It's working.

"I'm sorry but he really likes learning and it help get his aggression out in a healthy way."

I can't resist. I lick the crook of her neck tasting her. "No one gets hurt?"

"Everyone except Rodney when I kidney punched him."

"You smell good." I slip my hand under her shirt feeling her stomach tremble.

"How good?"

"Good enough to eat." I kiss her neck again. "Let's see who hungry." I push her back onto the bench laying between her legs.

Her hips come off the wood grinding into me.

Slowly I untie the draw string to her pants. We both I'm not got to go any further but it still excites me to no end to know I could. Instead I cup her breast squeezing to the rhythm of her hips.

Olivia takes my hand pushing it down her pants. She's so wet. I want to make love to her even more.

"I forgot my bag, Jesus!"

I jump off Olivia turning away from my son.

"Really?"

"Rafe."

"Just came to get my bag." I keep my back to him as he walks across the room grabbing his gym bag.

"Lock the door on your way out."

I wait until he is out of the room to turn around.

Olivia is still sitting on the bench with a wide smile.

"Why are you smiling?"

"You are adorable." She stands up approaching me.

"Well I'm not accustom to my son finding me in a compromising position."

"Still." She takes my shirt off. "Since we got that out of the way…"

Olivia pushes me up against a wall falling to her knees. "I figure even though I'm not ready," She pushes up my skirt, her exploring finger making me catch my breath. "You seem very ready."

My knees grow weak. Her smile grows bigger.

BLAKE

It used to be awkward coming to the RED, WHITE, and BLUE Ball especially since the whole fiasco with Frank and Nicholas. Like any news it has blown over. The officers here have gone out of their way to hold conversations with me. I've even set up a few appointments to show some property. It's not as if we had much to converse about in the first place but it was still nice.

Everyone who is anyone is in attendance. People only come to be seen. I've never noticed. I do remember sneaking upstairs to meet Doris but not much else from years past.

Now we don't have to hide. Everyone knows we are official. I get giddy just at the thought.

We can't ruin it this time, not like the other times we failed were my fault. I know she can be overbearing sometimes and I am untrusting with her, that's why I'm playing it cool. I`m just laying back and letting everything come as it may.

Against my best judgment I'm going to trust Doris and give her some leeway.

"There you are!" Terry Anderson calls to me.

I can see him over just about everyone. He's over 6'5 foot with dull blonde hair. He has just a sprinkle of gray coming in at his temple. He's very handsome with a prefect square jaw, perfect teeth and brown eyes. His eyes are so clear, very hypnotizing. If he weren't married and I weren't with Doris, I would have been the first to jump at him. I've seen him at the gym in tight running short. He definitely has nothing to be ashamed about.

I just sold him and his wife Amber a two-story house not far from my house. They just move to town 6 months ago and have been renting an apartment. They say they are from Colorado. They're nice enough.

"Amber is around here somewhere. She's still jumping over the house. She might write an article on it."

Amber is a writer for the locate newspaper. According to her, in her mid-life crisis she decided to be a writer. Terry works in banking, followed his wife to her first official writing job.

"Have you had time to find a decorator?" I move closer to Terry as the noise level grows and people push past us.

"No but I leave that stuff up to Amber. Here she comes." Terry holds out his hand pulling Amber to his side.

"Hi, Ms. Mahler."

"Please call me Blake." I shake her hand. "I love your dress."

Amber opens her arm showing off the Kelly green strapless dress. It flows just pass her knees with a silver belt. Her make up is perfect, just the right shade of red, for her lips. Her brown hair is perfect and shiny. They looked like a couple that hooked up on a modeling set.

Honestly, I'm jealous. She's five years older than me and still looks younger.

Still I like them. We need more friends to go out with. Other people who don't have children.

Plus, I want to network with other people from different places.

"God, there are so many people here tonight. I just want to interview them all." Amber gushes looking around in amazement. "Excuse me." She walks off into the crowd.

"That's my little bumble bee." Terry laughs taking a long sip from his drink.

"Blake?"

Terry steps aside as Brian emerges from behind him.

"Brian, how are you?" I know I made the right decision between him and Doris. He knows I have to explore what I have or could have with her. Even if it doesn't work out I'd always wonder what if.

"I'm good, really good." Brain nods his head looking me up and down.

I smooth the one shoulder blue silk dress with my hands self-consciously.

"You look downright astonishing." He shakes his head. "So how is life treating you?"

"You mean Wolfe?" I glance at Terry. I don't ever recall telling him I was in a relationship with another woman. "She's fine. I'm fine. We are doing great."

Terry's eyebrows jump for just moment.

"This is Terry Anderson."

They exchange pleasantries.

Brian focuses back on me. "I only want what's best for you."

"I know." I don't want us to be awkward towards each other. "If possible save a dance for me."

"Of course." Brian holds out his hand.

"Really?" I shake my head as we briefly embrace. We've had sex I think we are past shaking hands.

Brain quickly pulls back with a look of pure terror.

Before I can step back Doris slides her arm around my waist, pulling me back. "Good evening."

Of course Johnny isn't far behind her. He comes to stand on the other side of me. Too close for my liking.

"Hi, I'm Terry." Terry sticks his hand out as Doris just looks him up and down. Eventually he retracts his hand.

Doris turns her attention to Brian."How are you doing?"

"I'm fine Mayor Wolfe." Brian visibly starts to sweat. "How are you?"

He and I both notice Rodney and James pushing through the crowd behind him.

It's clear he wants to run. Like hungry predators any sudden movement might set them off.

"I'm splendid." Doris says.

Rodney, James and Johnny circle around Brian.

Terry excuses himself leaving the six of us in silence.

"Really Doris. This isn't necessary." I remove her hand from my waist.

"Well I better find my table." Brian squeezes between Rodney and James.

"You didn't have to do that." I push her hand away as she tries to take a hold of mine.

"Let's get something to drink." Doris puts her hand on my lower back almost pushing me towards our table where Olivia and Natalia are waiting.

"Are you that jealous?"

"No but I won't be disrespected and let that guy slobber all over you."

"Brian was just saying hi."

"No the other one, you are just too busy flirting with your ex to notice." Doris's voice stays low although I hear the aggravation. She turns away from me watching the party.

I have to remember to treat this like a new relationship. "I wasn't flirting with Brian."

Olivia catches my eye from the other side of Doris, asking a silent question.

I shake my head no; we need to work this out without always having one of the pack being a buffer. Doris smiles like she's not dying inside. She sits straight up in her chair smiling at people passing and saying hello.

I don't know what to do to get her to trust me. I put my hand on her arms trying to get her attention. "Why don't you trust me? What have I ever done to you?"

Doris continues looking ahead. "You seem to forget you ran off and married Frank." She's the very best at keeping it together on the outside.

"What was I supposed to do?" There's no answer my question. "Why did you pull that little stunt?"

She looks at me like I am a witness she's caught in a lie. "I'm not going to let him take you away from me."

How selective her memory can be? "No one has ever taken me from you. You made it perfectly clear we were never going to get married. Frank wanted the American Dream, so did I. What would you have me do?"

Doris keeps silent, with an irritating smirk.

"I will always love you and here I am giving you a fair chance why don't you do the same for me." I need her, I can't do this alone.

"I don't want you talking to him."

"That's unfair." So much for trust. "Have I said anything about Brenda or Alicia and you work with them everyday."

"No you haven't."

"Because I'm trusting you so trust me." I take her hand between mine holding it in my lap. "No one can take me away from you except you."

Her eyes grow wide looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Ok?"

"Ok." Doris sips her water, her hand squeezes mine. "I can't imagine my life without you."

That right there makes the life time of heart ache worth it. "You don't have to."

Rodney, Jamie and Lindsay show up.

"I'm bored." Rodney starts pulling out Lindsey's chair only to be stopped halfway by Jaime.

She doesn't say anything but he knows how it goes; he backs off sitting beside Natalia.

We fall into our normal chit chat until Cece, Oliva's assistant comes to our table. She puts her hands on the back of Olivia and Doris's chair.

Either she's blind or doesn't care to see Natalia throwing daggers at her with her eyes.

"I am having so much fun." She gushes looking down at Olivia.

Olivia seems oblivious to the fact she is in love with her. She seems to think the woman is just a bright eager young business woman.

Cece is playing it up too. But she's playing out of her league.

The young girl stands up pulling on her strapless dress. Her breasts are about to spill out. If they do they'll give Olivia a black eye. "I was wondering if you would like to dance with me?"

Olivia doesn't even hesitate. "Um, I think I'll pass, but thank you."

"Okay how about you?" She turns her sight on Doris.

I don't even look at Doris. She doesn't need to ask for permission. I hope she makes the right decision.

"Maybe later."

I bite my lip to keep from smiling. Things are definitely looking up.

"I guess I'll find you later." CeCe walks off to find a victim to her act.

"Excuse me." Amber walks to our table waving at everyone. "I was wondering if I could borrow the Mayor for a second. I would love a few quotes."

"Sure." Doris gets up walking a few feet from the table with Amber.

"What the fuck?" Rodney questions. "Like we aren't here. I want to be interviewed."

"Just ask any of the officers in this place." I joke watching Rodney's face fall.

"Ha ha ha." Rodney smiles and nods his head behind me.

I turn around to see Doris and Amber dancing to a slow song. To Doris's credit she does have a respectable distance between them.

I refuse to torture myself, so I turn around. "Nice try."

Rodney winks at me.

The song ends, and Terry takes Doris's place on the dance floor.

She sits down next to me. "I hate reporters." Doris takes my hand rubbing her thumb on the back of it. "Trust right?"

I nod my head. "Trust."

OLIVIA

I used to think it was all an act on Natalia's part that she didn't know she was so beautiful. Her smile could make the Christmas tree in time square look dim.

It's no surprise that people love to be around her. The crowd of people around her are hanging on to her every word.

The people of this town practically worship her. She's always trying to help someone or organize some type of drive for the less fortunate.

I love her for it.

She's so beautiful. The white flowy dress in direct contracted of her perfect skin.

One thing I have never believed is that she had never slept with another woman before me. She was too good our first time. Or maybe I was just so eager to bed her. Maybe she just caught me in one of my open moment when I was tired of the life I was living. Either way she stuck in my head and wormed her way into my heart.

I still look back on those days a wonder what the fuck I was thinking to get in deeper with her.

I don't know why I just didn't move on to another conquest.

Although I'm glad I didn't I still wonder what exactly it was that made me think about her so much.

Even now when I wake up in the middle of the night sweating from another bad dream I'm glad she's the one beside me.

Sometimes I watch her sleep and just thank the heavens she's crazy enough to love me.

"Are you even listening to me?" Doris snaps her finger in front of my face.

"She's too busy fantasizing about boning her wife." Rodney jokes downing another drink.

"No, I'm listening." I turn back to the table. "I don't know why you are asking us, you know what you have to do. You're just being stubborn."

"I'm not being stubborn or paranoid." Doris eyes are trained on Blake who is working the room.

She knows Blake is in a market where she has to make herself available. She also knows Blake is a natural flirt. Just because they are in relationship it isn't going to change anytime soon.

As much shit as Blake has put up with over the years she deserves a break.

"Quit torturing yourself with what could happen or what might happen. You know damn well Blake isn't going to cheat on you." I take her chin making her focus on me. "You are just looking for a reason to cheat first."

"NO."

"Yea you are." I take her hand. "You need to relax. And stop drinking." I move her glass over to Rodney. "Everything you say you want is right in front of you. Remember that and you'll know what to do to keep it there. And I'm not talking about stalking her again." I stand up ready to expels some energy. "The worst thing you can do it hold on too tight or lose sight of what you already have. So don't go look for greener pastures. It's okay to just be happy."

"Don't I look happy?" Her teeth clench and grind at the same time.

"The least you can do it not do it around me." At some point during the night they've slip off and got high. It doesn't surprise me, when stress comes along Wolfe reverts. Stalking Blake so she won't cheat must be stressful.

"You just keep your nose clean." She wipes her nose with a napkin.

"You know me." I walk towards the group of admirers around my wife. "Excuse me. Can I steal her away for a moment?" They all leave excited about whatever she was saying.

"Can I have this dance?"

Her smile is so bright I almost have to look away. I really should start taking my own advice.

But I can say my situation is different. I'm not looking to cheat on Natalia. What I am looking for is to make her so happy she won't see greener pastures.

John says there is no such thing as perfect. I don't care what anyone says Natalia is as about a close to perfect as any woman can be.

So I tell myself I need to be as perfect as I can for her.

I hear what people say about her and my money. They think she's just holding on to her golden goose. But I don't care, she could spend all my money and I would find a way to make it all back for her.

I take her in my arms as hold on for dear life swaying to the music.

There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. Nothing about me that I wouldn't change if she asked. Because there is nothing more in this world that I want than to be with her.

My past is far from perfect but I'm confident I can sweep it under the rug. I'm almost glad I can't remember every detail of it. And the parts I do remember, the parts that haunt me, I won't let it take her away from me. Not again.

She is what keeps me going. Some nights when I've had five hours of sleep the whole week and just feel like ending it all, just looking at her gives me the energy. And when Rafe is stepping on my last nerve and refuses to give me any personal space, I can look into his eyes and see her reflection and a tiny spark of myself. Again, I thank whoever was looking out for me that night she walked into my life.

"Are you happy?"

NATALIA

"Are you happy?"

I pull back to look in her eyes.

I could cry.

There are times when I look in her eyes and see the stars and sun. Sometimes she seems so happy and serene I forget just how many things she's been through.

Then there are times like this when there is a storm behind those beautiful eyes. The pain held in them. Too much for one person to hold.

"Yes."

Sometimes at night when she's woke up from another nightmare. I watch her sitting on the side of the bed.

It's exhausting for both of us. Sometimes I'm so tired from the night before I don't wake up.

When I do I watch her move around the room. I can feel her watching me sometimes.

Rodney says I should give her some space, so I do. It isn't until I see her shoulders shake and frustration leaking from her eyes that I move.

After about 20 minutes of reassuring her she didn't wake me up I can hold her.

She'll crawl under me her skin still red hot from her steaming shower.

It seems to help some. Some nights I can coax her back to sleep for an hour or two before Rafe knocks. Then sometimes we just stay wrapped round each other. Sometimes I can get her to talk about the dream or tell me what triggered a particularly bad day.

I hate feeling so helpless, but that is what I am. I can't take away the memories or the dreams.

All I can do is reassure her I would protect her with my life.

I've trying to find the right time to tell her I saw Lily. I'm surprise Rodney or Johnny haven't spilled the beans.

I don't think bringing up her name will help in any way.

Her arms squeeze me so tight it become hard to breathe. "Olivia?"

"I'm fine. I just want to know if there is anything else I can do to make you happy."

"Come on let's go."

The ride home is silent. There is nothing I can say right now to reassure her.

"Jesus, I thought you were going to be gone all night." Rafe run from the couch to greet us. As usual he attaches himself to Oliva.

"Rafe we've been gone for 4 hours." I kiss his forehead before disconnecting him from Olivia. "Hi Brittney."

She waves from the couch which has more popcorn on it then in the bowl. "Lindsey should be here in a little while to pick you up."

"Where's Emma?" I push Olivia towards the stairs.

"She's sleeping." Rafe says none too happy about Olivia walking up the stairs.

"We love you." I kiss his forehead again. "Don't stay up too late we have church in the morning. I follow Olivia to our room.

In a very sacred ritual I underdress her and myself and when we are both settled in our pajamas I pull her into my arms.

It's been a long day.

She buries her head in the crook of my neck.

"Do you remember the first time we laid on the couch in the penthouse?"

"Not really." She pushed her leg between mine burrowing deeper under the covers.

"I do. I remember I was so nervous when I came over. I was on my cycle and I was trying to find a way to tell you. I could tell you had been drinking."

Olivia flinches.

"Anyway, I walked in and you had the table set for a very romantic dinner. I was trying to act normal, but my cramps were killing me. Before dessert you asked me if you bored me."

"Oh yea."

"Yea. I told you why I was so uncomfortable, but you didn't care. You made me a hot water bottle and told me to lay down. We laid there the whole night with bottle between us. The next night you had a heating pad and Tylenol waiting for me. I honestly could have cried when I walked in. I think that's when I knew things had really changed. Laying there as you massaged my back was the nicest thing anyone had done for me. I wanted to tell you I loved you so much."

I feel Olivia relax.

"I knew from that moment on I was in deep. And from then on, I've wanted to do nothing but return favor. Nothing could make me happier then to take your pain away for a night."

She doesn't respond.

I tell her a few other stories, my favorites. The first time at the ball, the time we sat on the balcony and ate brownies. The time we walked the pier and the time we played monopoly all night. I knew she was letting me stay in the game. She owned all the properties and I kept landing in jail. Still it was sweet and one of my favorite memories.

I keep talking until she falls asleep.

DORIS

The work of being Mayor is never done. There is always paperwork, meetings, and angry citizens on my phone or at my door.

What I wouldn't give for a vacation; me and Blake on an isolated beach sipping or having sex on the beach.

Hell I'd take Natalia if it meant a few days off.

"You aren't a very good listener." Amber moves her recorder to the side of my desk. Shyly she combs a piece of hair behind her ear. "You agreed to let me do a piece on you and you're not even listening."

She's as fake as they come. People like her don't fool me for one second. She's here in my office for a reason. If she wants me to bite, she'll have to work harder than this.

"What are you smiling about?" She asks knowing the jig is up.

"You and this little game," I lace my fingers together in front of me.

"Game?" She sits back crossing her legs, 'accidently' letting her skirt ride up exposing the top of her bare thigh. "Please explain."

"You come in here dressed semi-professional and playing shy trying to sneak into my bed." I almost laugh at her expression.

She recovers from being exposed with a smug grin. "Firstly, I'm married with two grown boys in college. Secondly if I wanted you all I would have to say is a word and you'd be mine. Thirdly you just know you can't have me so you are projecting. Lastly, we're both too old to play games."

I hardly hear her last explanation. She can't come in here and tell me what I can't have. "I can't what?"

"Face it; I'm probably the only woman in this town you haven't fucked." Amber looks at me under long eyelashes. The challenge has been made. "You can't have me; your wife would kill you and I don't want you."

"Is that a challenge?" I won't be outdone by some light weight. She can't waltz in here and tell me a god damn thing. This is my town and I'll do as I please with who I please.

"No." Amber stands up walking around my desk. "It was a fact." The nimble fingers undo the top two buttons of her blouse revealing the fleshy mounds of her tightly cupped breast. "What are you going to do about it?" She climbs on my desk stepping her yellow five-inch heels on either of my knees.

It hurts but in a good way.

Her legs are open just enough for me to fantasize about taking her purple silk panties off with my teeth. "I'll tell you what, nothing because your ball and chain said so."

"Says the married woman who was just doting on her family." I quip back wishing she weren't right. This is why I hate relationships.

"You didn't hear me say happily married." Amber slides off my desk between my knees. "I'm going to make you beg." She leans in inches from my face.

I lean forward almost closing the small space. "I'd make you cum before you got naked then fucked you so good I'd have to get a restraining order from your pussy."

She licks her lips her. She's about to speak when my phone rings.

"Let me." Amber turns around sitting in my lap picking up the phone.

I dig my fingers into the leather arms of the chair, it's all I can do not to unzip her skirt and fuck her while she answers my phone.

Instead I grind up into her hearing her voice hitch while she speaks.

"Mayor Wolfe's Office." She looks over her shoulder at me smiling. Amber puts the call on hold. "It's Ms. Mahler."

"Fuck!" A bucket of cold water is dumped in my lap.

"Relax. I was kidding." Amber gets up grabbing her things. "Next time." She blows me a kiss leaving my office.

Shit, in just a couple of minutes being faithful flew out the window. I have to stay alert around that woman. She double crossed me and I fell for it.

I center myself answering the phone. "Mayor Wolfe."

Luckily, it's just a concerned citizen who I could give two fucks about.

I need to find Blake to put out this fire. I try her cell four times and then her office. There is no answer.

It's almost 12 and she hasn't called once.

Where could she be that's she's so busy she can't answer her phone.

"Johnny!"

"Yea, Boss." Johnny steps in my office.

"Tell James he's on security for Blake from now on, no matter what I want her in his sights 24/7."

"Will do boss. But can I ask why?"

"She's not answering her phone. Tell him to go find her now." I know where she is. And when I catch that asshole I'm going to murder him. "I want you to find Rodney and tell him to find this Terry guy and Brian. I want to know where they are every god damn second of the day and night. I want their phone records. And a list of every relative within a 100 mile radius."

Johnny steps out of the room giving James my instructions.

I take a seat trying to keep my head on straight. I need to get my mind on something else. "What about our other problem?"

"Everything is fine. No word from anyone so maybe they've stopped looking."

"They aren't going to stop looking they've just switched strategies. And if this comes back on me Johnny I'm going to hunt you down myself."

His face drops; he knows I'm not playing.

"This is all your fault. The number one rule in what we do is to research your target. You didn't do that, did you? No you didn't and now were all paying."

"I won't apologize, that woman deserved it. If you would have heard what she was saying about Olivia, you would have done it too." Johnny straightens his back. "I did research her. She had an arrest record a mile long littered with sexual assaults and all of them were dropped. She's a predator and those people have to be taken out of society. The way I see it I did her family a favor and saved them some money. It has to be a terribly burden to keep paying women to drop the charges against her."

He's right and he knows it. I know it, her family knows it but that's not the point. "You should have let me know first. We could have had a plan and this shit wouldn't be happening."

"You're right about that part and that's my fault."

"What about Natalia?" I rub my forehead. A tension headache is brewing.

"She don't know shit and obviously they don't know about her."

"We can't just keep going like nothing is wrong. At some point we are going to have to make a move."

I'm very fond of Johnny but if his recklessness gets me in trouble.

And where the fuck is Blake right now she is my number one priority.

"Go check on the dog and get back to me."

Waiting for Blake to get home is nerve wrecking. Even the drinks I had nor the line I snorted are settling my nerves.

Every five minutes James sends me an update on her whereabouts. Last one was four minutes ago and he said they were down the street. God she should be here by now.

"Doris Wolfe!" Blake slams the door stomping into the kitchen. "What do you think you are doing?"

I can't stand it any longer. Three steps and I'm across the room squeezing the life out of her. I would never forgive myself if anything happened to her.

Blake wiggles free. "What has gotten in to you?"

"What I can't be happy your home?" I walk back to the fridge gulping down a small bottle of water. The whole day has left a nasty tasted in my mouth.

"Why do you have James following me?"

"He's following the car. I just bought you that car and it's expensive and there have been a rash of break-ins." I joke trying to hide the slight tremble in my voice.

Blake looks at me tapping her foot.

"I was worried about you. I just got this over whelming feeling you were in danger and I needed him to keep you safe for me."

In an instant her expression changes for mad to a bright smile. Blake speaks in her best southern accent. "You were worried about lil' old me?"

"I just want to keep you safe. I need you to come home to me every night."

She walks to me with a silly grin plastered on her face. I open my arms letting her slide in. She wraps her arms around my neck. "I know you worry but you have to cut me a little slack. I'm not helpless and I don't need security. I need my girlfriend." She presses me against the island with her body. "Do you understand me?"

I wish I didn't have the reaction I have to her that I do. There's a switch some where in my brain that switches off when she's around. The sad part is she has come into this knowledge.

"I might have over reacted." I hold her tighter to me. Nothing can compare to having her in my arms. I can honestly say that she is the only person who takes shit from me and has never left me alone, not even on her honeymoon.

Olivia and Rodney have been there but they've had their own problems. Blake is different, she's always there before I can call her, not that I would but she just seems to know when I need her.

"All is forgiven...almost." I can never repel her bed room eyes and now is no different. Now that we are older my heart can't take the rapid pace it provokes. Even with the rising heat I'm frozen totally under her spell.

"Cat got your tongue?"

My eyes roll back painfully with just her fidgeting with the top button of my slacks.

Of all the lovers I've had not many can hold a candle to Blake. Some of them could go longer but it wasn't good. Some were good but they couldn't keep you with me. All of them were sexy but they don't smile like her, they don't scratch my back the way she does, and I've never let them fuck me. Just her.

She's probably the only girl in college who made me nervous. She wasn't like the other girl, they wanted to be close to money, they thought they were better if they already had it and the rest were rebelling like me against mommy and daddy. Blake was different she didn't care about our money or prestige. She never let the boys treat her like trash nor did she take them touching her because they had power.

She drank, she cursed us all out, and at the end of the night she mopped the over served out the bar but she never judged us.

I must have followed her for about a month before I build up the nerve to ask her out. I was so nervous I drank way too much. I drank too much on all three of our first dates. The third time we both drank too much and she came back to my apartment. I knew I had to have her.

It was the worst and best night of my life.

When we did make it to the bed I was so drunk and tired I passed out between her legs before I could unzip her pants.

The next morning, we were both nursing our hangovers watching Saturday morning cartoons and eating anti-acid tablets. She spent the whole weekend with me. She never asked for money or for me to take her some where. She was happy to waste two days in an oversized t shirt talking.

What made me tell her about me is still a mystery. I've never talked to anyone as much as I talked and laughed with her. For another unknown reason I still wanted her after I slept with her. We fucked all Sunday only moving from the bed to eat and use the restroom. I knew from the first time she slept in my arms I needed her in my life. I knew she had slipped into my chest disguising her as the beat of my heart.

I was so scared of her after our weekend together. It felt exactly like what David described to his feeling towards Dorothy. He's been hooked ever since. His only goal in life is to please her, gobbling up any crumble of love she threw his way.

I swore I would never live my life that way. It's the reason we can't be together for too long. It's the reason I don't mind Blake being in a relationship that I know wouldn't last.

Brian was different, he was a keeper. He could have removed me from my heartbeat. Where would I be without her?

So here I am, home naked being fucked on the kitchen floor. Years of practice and anticipation has made her a pro. No matter how I try to last, I can't. My hand ends up tangled in her clothes or hair, pulling her closer. And release is almost instant.

Today is no different. I'm a puddle in her hand, relishing in the weight of her on top of me.

When my eyes open there she is above me with her golden curtain framing her face.

I know it's cliché, but I really do get lost in the pool of her eyes. Therein lies the problem with each release, I'm drowning and one day I might not come up for air. I'll be another dead body, brain dead, floating lifelessly in a river called love.

I can't let myself be that person, I won't.

Blake leans down tugging on my ear lobe with her teeth. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." My fingers start to tingle from being twisted in her shirt.

Again, she stares down at me. "I love you."

For a millisecond, I think about saying it back to her instead I sit up covering my chest with my open shirt.

Blake sits beside me stroking the side of my face. "I didn't say it to pressure you."

She's lying. "I know."

"Do you?" She straddles my legs. "I just wanted you to know that I do. Not only that but how much I appreciate you making a solid effort for us."

"I told you I would." I pull her closer to me laying my head on her shoulder.

"Thank you." She combs her fingers through my hair.

I want to know what she wants me to say besides 'I love you too'.

"It isn't often people leave you speechless."

"No you definitely have the market cornered on that." I let her go buttoning my shirt.

"Where are you going?" Blake sits on the floor in front of me.

"I need to take care of some business." I manage the top button but the second is being tricky. My hands are shaking. I don't want to leave her alone even with James. Who knows maybe he will make a move.

"What kind of business?" Blake pushes my hands away finishing the buttons.

"I left Amber at my office. I promised to meet her after I saw you."

"You sure have been spending a lot of time with her."

It was bound to come up, why not on a stressful day. "What's your point?" I put some more space between us.

"Nothing! It's not often you spend this kind of time with someone outside of our group." Blake crosses her legs Indian style. "I thought it would nice for us to go on a couples' date."

"A date?"

"It could be fun, us and them. Bring some new people into our lives." She stares at the floor.

She looks guilty as sin. Obviously, she's done something without my permission.

"You didn't hear me when I said I trust you. I know you won't hurt me like you know I won't hurt you." She looks back at me, stretching her legs out.

I don't like that she believes in me so much. "Yea, I'm sorry." I pull her shoe off her foot pulling it into my lap. "So tell me your plan."

"Well if you aren't doing anything Friday…"

"Friday?" She nods her head. "Fine, Friday is good."

"I love you so much!" Blake jumps into my lap kissing my forehead. "So Terry already said Amber is looking forward to it."

"Terry..uh." I guess I've have to have a little talk with Terry before Friday about talking to Blake.

"We are going to have so much fun, you'll see."

"I'm sure we will. But I do have to get back to work." We stand up straightening our clothes and hair. "James is going to stay with you for the rest of the day."

"NO!"

"Yes, no argument." I walk out of the kitchen. Johnny and Rodney standby the car, at least they aren't fighting anymore. James can stay here while we find this asshole.

RODNEY

"SO?"

"So what asshole?" Johnny rubs his neck trying to hide the hickeys.

"Did you fuck?" I get up out of bed following him to the bathroom.

"NO Karen's not like that!" He takes his shirt of followed by his pajama pants.

I use the toilet as he starts to shower. "If that were me I would have been tapped that ass. I bet it has low mileage."

"I want to take it slow."

I step into the shower kicking my boxer off. "But why? You aren't a virgin, are you? No, I saw you fuck that Italian chick when we were in Cali."

Johnny passes me the soap. "It's none of your business first off. But I've never had a long-time girlfriend. I'm just trying something new."

"Didn't sound like it when you were stroking off whispering Dory's name."

"Fuck off. I was not saying her name."

I grab the shower hose rinsing off while he used the stationary one. "I heard you."

"I was saying do it." Johnny turns the water off before I can fully rinse the soap off. "And you're the one to talk. I saw you spying on her and Blake the other morning."

"Whatever." I grab a towel wrapping it around my waist. "When your finish with Karen send her my way. I'll show her what a real dick looks like."

"What? My dick is bigger than yours." Johnny throws his towel at me.

"You wish." I walk down the hall to find Doris's room empty. "Hey, did she come home last night?"

"Don't think so. Blake's?"

"She texted me and said she would be home to talk about our next move."

Johnny walks back to our room.

I'm not gay. I love vagina, but I have to admit Johnny has a nice ass. I know it has low mileage.

Even though he's a prick he's not bad looking. I bet I could if I tried but he's so stuck on Dory.

I don't even think he knows what being with Dory entails. That ass will collect a lot of mile without his dick even getting damp.

"Stop fantasying about my ass and put some clothes on so we can meet her at the office and what plan are you talking about?"

I walk back to the room sitting on the bed watching him dress. "Bobcat hasn't come through with his payments. And she got another call yesterday from that guy."

"I don't know why she's blaming me for this guy. We don't even know who he's working for. Doris won't even give him time to say." Johnny rubs lotion on his bare chest, why I don't know. "She's stressing over nothing really."

"It's your fault."

"You shouldn't have snitched on me. I had everything under control."

"You didn't have anything under control. You're the reason we have a dog in the basement. And it's your turn to feed it." I lay on my bed air drying.

"She calling right now." He holds up his phone. "We gotta go."

I don't jump at every call. He's young. He'll learn.

"Dude your naked with a hard on. Rub one out, put on some clothes and let's go."

"You wanna watch?" I stick my tongue out at him.

Johnny tosses me the lotion opening his jeans. "Last one has to shoot has to clean the basement."

OLIVIA

"Why of all the places you pick this place to have a date?" I watch as Natalia take a big bite of her chili cheese dog.

"Because we are supposed to be having fun."

I almost move to lick the cheese off the side of her mouth until I remember we are in public.

She licks the cheese off. "Why don't you eat something?" She pushes a plate of nachos towards me.

I push them back towards her. "I'm okay."

I watch her as she eats the hotdog and nachos. For some reason, it is sexy as fuck. All I can think about is feeding her me.

"I know what you are thinking." She says wiping her mouth.

"I doubt it." I almost laugh.

"We glossed over things, hit delete and act like it never happened. What you don't know is that I've forgiven you."

She's lying. She might have forgiven me but she's still a little angry, at least apprehensive.

"You know what we are going to talk." I think it about time we clear the air.

"Finally."

"Maybe we need to go somewhere private."

"No we don't."

"Yes we do. It might get loud." She underestimates her emotions when it comes this conversation.

She refuses to look at me or start the conversation we should have had a long time ago.

It took forever to get Rafe to agree to spend some time with his mother. I think, I know he has some animosity towards her but I don't know why. He'll tell me when he's ready. Right now I want to think about one conversation at a time. This one shouldn't be put off anymore.

"So?"

Natalia finally looks up at me. "I'm not mad at you."

"No just disappointed."

She nods looking back down to the table.

"I promise I never meant to hurt you. Do you believe me?"

"Sometimes."

I move from my end of the table to sit next to her. "Me too."

She looks up at me her lips sealed but her jaw moving.

"The truth is I was being very selfish. I was only thinking about me and I didn't care about how you felt about it. About anything." I take a deep breath trying my hardest to organize my thought and let them flow out without being filtered through lies. "It's true I did start having dreams about you assaulting me but…I think I was looking for a reason to start drinking again. And when Rodney showed up I was already looking for a reason to do drugs."

"But I don't understand. I thought everything was great."

"It was." I dip my finger in the leftover cheese dip, anything not to look at her. "It was great but I was scared and too egotistic to ask for help. So I tried to do it on my own and I got tired. I was tired of the dreams; the way everyone looks at me. I was tired of feeling."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

"You can say I was being a jerk because I was. You were right I wasn't doing my best. I didn't include you in my thoughts." I take her hand. "I am beyond sorry. I'll never finish making it up to you." I pull the black box out of my pocket handing it to her.

"Olivia."

"I know you don't want any more gifts but I couldn't resist."

Natalia opens the box her eyes growing wide. I hope she likes it; those earrings were a quarter of a million.

"Thank you Olivia."

"I hope that as time passes we can return to normal or be more adventurous."

"I keep telling you it's fine."

"I know but I liked doing all of those things. I love that you can't resist touching me sometimes. I like being taken against a wall or the sink. I love your mouth and your hands." I kiss her fingers one by one. "I love everything about you and I don't want to lose it because I was being stupid. So I know it will take time for you to trust me completely. And if you are willing to fight then I'll be beside you, no matter what Wolfe or Rodney says."

Natalia smiles.

I know she needs to know that I put her before Doris. It will always be a point of contention. So I know I have to make it a point to remind her she is just as important to me.

A few tears escape her eyes as she turns away from me. She's either about to tell me go fuck myself or she that she cheated on me with Danny.

"It's okay Natalia. Whatever you have to tell me I can handle. I promise."

I take her hand pull her down a walking path. We walk for a couple of paces before she starts to open up.

"I just can't believe it went so far. Everything just got so out of hand and I pushed you away. I tried to hurt you."

"No it was my fault. I was acting like an asshole and you were defending yourself. And you were right I was hell bent on destroying everything we had worked for together."

Natalia stops walking leaning on a hand rail. "I lost you."

"I lost myself and I made a horrible mistake one that I can't take back. And when I think about the things I said to you it makes me ill."

"It's not that, I know you didn't really mean them. I hate thinking about how I acted and what I was feeling. I thought I really hated you at one point, but I knew I loved you. I don't know." Natalia starts wiping her eyes. "I kissed Danny and I gave him signals knowing that I wouldn't go through with it but part of me wanted to, just to hurt you."

"I know. I want you to know that I don't hold any of that against you." I play with the ends of her long tresses.

"I think in time we will forgive ourselves and we can put this all in the history book." Natalia turns around leaning her head against my shoulder. "Just tell me one thing. Did you really try to kill yourself?"
"No, but I honestly didn't care if I had died or not. I didn't think there was a coming back from what I had said. I couldn't see the path back to you. I couldn't get her out of my head. I had given up and I had hope you would too. When you didn't I knew I had to get better for us." Just as I'm about to step back my heartburn sets in again. I feel light headed and a heaviness in my chest. Even with the medication it still comes and goes. "Natalia."

She steps back staring directly in my eyes.

"I'm willing to tell you whatever you want to hear."

"Good because I want to hear a lot of complements and I love yous."

One lap around the small park and we are back at the metal table.

NATALIA

I'm on my third hotdog and Olivia is looking at me like I've grown and second head.

"Are you pregnant or something?" Olivia jokes.

Little does she know she's very close to what I've been mulling over.

"No, I'm not pregnant. But there is something I wanted to talk to you about." I polish off the hotdog feeling it trying to find room in my already full stomach.

"Is this about an open relationship?"

"You know you're not funny."

"Well you're making me nervous. It's not like you to binge eat."

"Cany?" A small toddler walks up to our table with her dirty little hands out.

"Where is your mother?" Olivia always being the sensible one asks.

All I want to do is kidnap her. She's so cute with her pig tails and barrettes.

"Cany?" She points at the funnel cake in front of me.

"OH, you want some sweets?" I pick her up sitting her in my lap.

She nods her head her little hands already reaching for the sugary treat. I break off a piece letting her chew on the doughy bread.

"Natalia what are you doing we have to find her mother."

"Well this is the safest place to keep her. The food court is in the middle of the park and her mother will have to come by here looking for her." I break another piece and put it in her other hand. She happily wiggles in my lap licking the bread instead of trying to chew it.

"She is cute." Olivia fingers her hair.

"You remember when Emma used to wonder off and give me heart attacks?" I have to stop myself from hugging the little girl too tight.

"How can I not?"

"Wouldn't you love to have another one of these little monsters?" I throw the question out here and Olivia looks like a deer caught in the headlights. Her mouth hangs open. I'm surprised spit isn't dropping out.

"Robbie! Robbie!" A young woman run frantically through the metal tables.

"Oh Oh." The little girl mutters looking up at me.

"Ma'am is this your little girl?" Olivia raises her hand signaling the woman over.

"Oh my God!" She grabs the little girls hugging her tight. "Thank you so much for keeping her safe. I just don't know why she keeps doing this."

"Don't worry we have two of our own." Olivia waves her off.

Her mother walks off chastening her little one.

"What in world would make you want to bring a child into this situation?"

"What situation Olivia? I love you and you love me. It would be a loving family with a lot of love." I take her hand moving closer to her.

"But this is another person's life. A little person who is depending on us. On me to keep it together."

"A little person who will depend on us to keep it together." I correct her. "I'm not saying now but I want another child. I would love another you."

"WHOA!" Olivia stands up from the table. "NO way."

"Why not? I think you would be so sexy pregnant. And I would love to have another green eyed head strong little girl around."

"NO, I'm not having any children." She makes a lap around the table. "I don't want another me around. So just get that out of your head right now." After a minute of silence she sits down. "I'm not ruling it out having another child all together but I'm not having it. But I am open to the ideal."

I honestly didn't think she would give in so quick.

"Plus your body bounces back quicker. You know how many hours a day I have to exercise to keep this body." Her phone starts to buzz.

"Who is it?"

"Who do you think?"

"Rafe." We say at the same time.

BLAKE

It's been awhile since we've been anywhere with other people. I didn't even know what to wear.

God I know Doris is irritated with me. I must have changed five times. Even after all that I settled on dark blue jeans and a light blue shirt. I feel under dressed at the same time over dressed.

I really want to make a good impression. There are too many people who move here and hear nothing but bad and untrue things about Doris. Of course I'm guilty by association. It's rare someone wants to be around us without asking for a favor.

"Calm down Blake."

"I'm so nervous." I comb my hair out of my face once more. It just won't stay in place. I give up pushing the mirror back into its hiding place.

"Why, you aren't meeting the president."

"I don't know. I like meeting new people." I almost dance in my seat as Doris parks. I pull the sun visor down checking my hair again in the little mirror.

"You look beautiful, stop picking." She closes the visor.

It's rare Doris complements anything without being made to.

"Really?"

"Yes, now let's go inside."

We walk into the restaurant spotting the couple immediately. They're both gorgeous.

Amber is wearing a V-neck sweater with a blue jean skirt.

Terry is wearing black khakis and a black polo shirt. He waves us over his teeth shining even in the dark light. Not to mention his eyes sparkling eyes.

"Hi, I was nervous we had been stood up." Terry smiles at Doris then me.

"You know how long it takes for women to get ready and there is two of us." I joke.

Terry laughs but quickly clears his throat looking at Doris. He takes a full step back from us smiling nervously.

Doris bored already looks around the bar and grill.

"I can only imagine, isn't that right honey?" Terry throws his arm around Amber.

"It is, took me an hour just to do my hair." She sips from the little red straw sticking out of her cup.

"Can offer you ladies anything to drink?"

"I'll have a margarita."

He turns to Doris.

"I'm driving."

"Sure. Let's get us a table." Terry leads us to a table for four.

After appetizers and a round of drinks we're talking like old friends, at least we are, Doris is participating at a minimum.

I've tried to include her but it's no use. She's checked out.

"So your uncle owed a bar, mine did too, except it was for middle age couples. I guess for people like us." Terry points at every one.

I see Doris's eyes darken. "I'm sure you have plenty of tamed stories." She's goading him.

"Tamed is the last things these people were. They were all swingers. In fact, I lost my virginity to one of the women when I was 14." Terry sips from his drink, not taking her bait. "Even had some nudist come through."

I won't take her bait either. This is going to be a nice evening even if Terry and I have to carry it on our backs. "Oh no you have to tell me about the nudist."

"At 14, I thought it was my dream but trust me most nudist need to put clothes on." We both laugh. "Let me tell you this one story."

"I'm going to the ladies' room." Doris stands up abruptly, weaving through the crowd.

"Sorry." I apologized to Terry and Amber before following her to the restroom.

"You're not having fun?" I ask Doris who is leaning against the sink looking in the mirror.

"Of course I am, about as much fun as nails on a chalk board." She looks at me smiling sarcastically.

"I'm sorry I thought it would be fun." I invade her personal space stepping behind her. "Maybe we can end the night on a high note."

"Yea what did you have in mind?" She turns around pulling my hips to hers.

"You'll have to find out when we get home."

The smirk on her face falls to a frown.

"What?" Oh god she's bored with our sex life already.

"I was going to go home tonight."

It takes a second but it sinks in. When she says home, she means to her house by herself. "Oh I didn't know." I don't want to over react. We aren't married so why shouldn't she be able to go to her house once in a while.

Clearly I'm not invited but it doesn't mean she's pulling away.

"I have an early morning."

"Okay. Maybe tomorrow." I try to stay up beat. It's going to be so lonely without her next to me. Maybe I'm being selfish. She's easing her way into being in a relationship.

"I still…" Doris points at the stall.

"Sure, I'll be at our table. And let me know if you want to go." I exit the bathroom trying to salvage the excitement of the night.

I make it back to our table. To my surprise Terry is sitting with Brian and Amber is gone.

"Blake." Brian smiles standing up from his chair. "How have you been?"

"I'm fine, how about you?"

"The usual." He looks around before settling back on me. "I was just talking to Terry. He's a good guy."

Terry's chest sticks out at the statement reminding me of my ex-husband.

Silence falls around us again.

"Well it was good to see you." Brian smiles and walks away.

I sit down looking back to make sure Doris didn't see him.

"He's a good guy too." Terry leans across the table saying as if it were a secret.

"He is." I agree.

DORIS

I didn't really need to use the restroom; I need some space. I feel like I'm drowning in boredom. Why did I even agree to attend this façade?

This is what married couples do. They get excited to meet other people because they can't stand each other.

I don't want to go out with other people especially not Amber and her boring husband. No one cares about his boy hood or his virginity. I should have Olivia call with a fake emergency, only if Blake and Natalia weren't friends.

At least Terry is behaving himself. If he touches Blake I'm going to have Johnny break his hand. I think our little chat got through to his thick brain.

The door opens and the devil herself walks in.

"So are you as bored as I am?" Amber hops onto the sink top next to where I'm standing.

"Probably more." I answer looking at myself in the mirror. I look good, of course she wants me, but she can't have me. If I were single it would be different. Since I'm not she's just passing in the wind, Blake probably put her up to it to see if I will go for her.

She's the ultimate test. If I can resist her I can probably make it with Blake. How long? No telling.

"Tell me what's so special about her?" Amber leans closer to me. "What did she do to make you throw away your chastity belt key?"

She's tempting me because she's unhappy. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

She smiles at me, it's unnerving. "Not really. I'll give her the key back when I'm done." She's good I'll give her that. "You know what I was thinking about?"

"No what's that?" I know something wicked is about to come out her pretty little mouth.

"Me riding your face."

I laugh at the notion even though it turns me on. My knees give a little. "Is that so?"

"So much so I had to fuck myself in the car."

She's really good. I stare into her dark daring eyes.

"Let me show you." She takes my hand sliding it up her skirt.

"I did this?" I feel around her uncovered sex, warm and soft.

"Mostly." She leans back against the mirror.

I move over between her legs. "Mostly?"

She sits up leaning forward towards me with the promise of a kiss. "If you want it," She pushes me back hard against the opposite wall, jumping to her feet. "Come get it."

Amber pulls a gold key out of her pocket placing it in the palm of my hand.

"Don't keep me waiting too long." She takes my hand sucking one finger into her mouth. "Maybe I'll let you taste me before you fuck me." She turns towards the door hand on the handle. "That is if you can keep up with the likes of me." She walks out.

"Fuck me." I tighten my hand around the key. My head swims just thinking about the things I would do to her; the sounds she would make.

She obviously doesn't know who she's messing with. I've made porn stars beg for mercy. I was a teenager being stalked by grown married women. No woman on earth can handle my skill.

I wash my hands, just so the temptation to taste her will go away. That will just make me want her more and I won't lose this challenge. If I do I might lose Blake.

But I do have a few tricks up my sleeve. I'll have her bent over my desk begging me to fuck her in no time.

"Doris?"

Damn. I shove the key in my pocket.

"I thought you fell in." Blake drapes her arms over my shoulders. "You look pale."

"Do I?" I look at her smiling through the mirror.

"A little."

I turn around in her arms, "What?"

Blake is looking at me awkwardly. "Well I was thinking if you ever come out of this bathroom we could stop by my place and I could put a little color in your face." Blake takes my hand twirling her body around. "Then you can go home or stay the night what ever floats your boat."

This is a no brainer. A bed and a naked Blake beside me is all I've ever wanted.

"I'm really not feeling well."

"Is it your stomach or head?" She places her palm on my forehead.

"I just need some rest probably." I shake her hand off. She knows how I hate to be babied.

"Okay, I think Amber and Terry are about to leave too, we'll just say goodbye." She pulls me behind her out of the door.

As soon as the dimly lit room comes into my view the heaviness has lifted. Its like blinders have been removed. As I walk behind Blake countless women eye me and I finally see them. I see the blonde dancing with her guy watching me with her hands on his chest. I see the brunette that walks by, her hand sliding across mine. The other brunette that licks her tongue out at me provocatively. All kinds of women around the bar, all looking my way beckoning me over to give them the time of their lives.

"Oh good I thought you two had ditched us." Terry pushes his chair under the table. "Well I've had a great night, didn't you darling?"

Amber half way smiles. At the moment I catch a glimpse in her eyes full of mischief and secrets.

She's just the type of person to sleep with her friends' husband. She might even volunteer to help catch him cheating knowing full well she's the other woman.

"It's been very interesting."

"It has," Blake pipes in. "I'm sorry I didn't get to talk to you more. Next time we can dance."

"Yes, I'm sure we'll find we have some much in common." Amber winks at me.

"I'm sure we will." Blake must have caught on; she hooks her arm in mine. "Have a good night." Blake pulls me along with her, whispering. "Did she just wink at you?"

"I didn't see it." I lie, itching to get away. I need to go home and shower and grab my goodie bag. I'll have her whole body sore by the time I'm finished.

The drive to Blake's house is short and quiet.

"You sure you don't want to come in for a minute?"

Obviously someone is feeling very frisky. She leans over the divider her hand sliding across my thigh.

I would love to come in but I have things to do tonight. "I want to but I can't." I grip the steering wheel so tight my hands lose feeling.

Flashes of Amber are playing across the windshield glass. I just want to make her beg, nothing else.

"Well call me when you make it home." Blake kisses my cheek before getting out and trotting up to her door.

I wait until she closes the door and James pulls up to sit on his post.

A text pops up on my radio screen. '1234 Star, use the key ill be waiting, naked.'

It's the address to Amber's place I guess.

Working with her in the morning it going to be impossible.

Another text comes through. 'Asap, the dog almost got loose.'

I think I've been staring at my desk for an hour now. I can't for the life of me figure out where to start. Johnny and Rodney were acting too friendly and to top it all off Blake will not stop calling my phone. James isn't going anywhere so she might as well get used to his presence.

One would think after not answering the first fifty calls a person would get the ideal.

I cut a few more lines.

"Mayor Wolfe, your 9 o'clock appointment is here." Karen speaks over the phone speaker.

Now this. I clean my desk as best as I can. "Let her in." I try to relax physically and mentally. Here goes nothing.

Amber glides into my office in a mini skirt that leaves nothing to the imagination. Her shirt is almost half unbuttoned, and the push-up bra is about to explode. The only new accessories are the black framed glasses. She looks like she walks straight of a porn movie set.

No pleasantries or wasted time. She slides onto my desk knocking folders around.

She settles in front of me, her black 6 inch heels resting on either arm rest of my chair.

"Good morning Amber." Talking about trying too hard.

"Very."

I peek over her thigh at my assistant's agape mouth.

"That will be all Karen." I shoo her away.

"Yes ma'am." She walks away closing the door.

I chance a peek between Ambers' legs, yellow lacy panties.

"Like what you see?"

I look up into her brown eyes. "Mostly."

She smiles. "I'm guessing you never showed up to my apartment."

"Something came up."

"Just as well, I wasn't there either." Amber trails a finger down the side of my face.

"So you were going to make me wait for nothing?" I question her. Make plans and break them rule number two in making someone desire you more.

"Yes just to see your reaction and prove you want me as bad as I want you." She slides the glasses off her face shaking her dark brown curly hair.

"Didn't work." I gloat.

"It did prove one thing."

"What would that be?"

"I'll tell you one day, but right now I really want you to finish last night." Amber unbuttons her shirt all the way revealing a soft but toned mid section. The front clasp on the bra is at its breaking point. "I figured I've already admitted how much I wanted you so what are we resisting."

I guess I've won, kind of. I place my hand on her ankle slowly massaging up her calf muscle.

Her skin is surprising soft and smooth without stockings.

She shakes her shirt off her shoulders "I'm waiting." Amber shimmies leaning towards me.

Why am I resisting?

Pushing my chair back I stand in between her legs.

"That's the Wolfe I heard about." Amber swipes the contents of my desk onto the floor.

As much as I hate a mess it will have to wait. I climb on top of her feeling her legs wrap around my waist.

I palm her breast, sucking down her neck to the top of her perfect breast.

Amber moans spurring me on, her hand clawing at my back.

I leave a hickey on the top of each mound as we dry hump.

She pulls my hair eliciting a moan from me. Her hand pulls harder yanking my head back. "No more fore play." Our hips rock in rhythm. "I want you to fuck me until I pass out."

I didn't think she could turn me on any more than she already had. I was wrong.

"That's what they all say until I do it."

"Trust me when I get finished you'll be eating those words with me on top." Amber forces her hand between us undoing my slacks. She pushes her hand further down cupping me.

I bite my lip hard enough to draw blood just keep her from hearing me moan.

"Look who's excited."

"Maybe but I can smell you from here." I pull her hand away holding it against the desk top. "NO more foreplay." I make room pushing her panties aside. Just like I thought she's soaking in her own fire.

"You won." She pants. "I'm begging. Please."

I run two fingers between her puffy lips, up and over the hard nerve can't be ignored. I stroke her with the rhythm of her hips.

"Fuck, so good."

"I know." I circle the nerve until Amber`s pleas get louder. Finally, I sink those same two fingers inside of her. She arches her body clamping with forces. With one push she comes gushing in my hand.

I watch her eyes roll back, her back arch, her hands ball into fist. After a few high pitch moans and deep breathes she sinks back onto the hard wood. "Fuck!"

I push off the desk buckling my belt.

The pleasure of winning is fleeting and the emptiness I've felt my whole life returns.

I look at Amber trying to recover from her orgasm with mild disgust. Sooner or later I was bound to fuck up.

Now the lying can start. I have to take care of this first.

"Get up."

"Now you're throwing me out." Amber laughs.

"Did you expect anything else."

"Ms. Mahler is here!" Karen comes blaring through the speaker.

"Damn and I was just getting comfortable." Amber gets off my desk slowly fixing her clothes.

I give myself a once over as Blake comes barging through the door.

I'm almost afraid to look. I just know she's looking at Amber half dressed.

Karen stands behind Blake chewing on her lip. Both their eyes jump from me to Amber to the mess on the floor.

Blake's eyes fill with tears. "What happened?"

I look at Amber who surprisingly fixed herself up. In under a minute she's fully dressed and put her hair into a sloppy ponytail. She's even managed to pull her skirt down to an almost acceptable length.

Blake bends down picking up a broken picture frame. The picture is of us, on the beach during one of our many vacations.

"Oh I'm so sorry. We were just having a heated argument. Things got a little out of hand." Amber gently takes the picture from Blake seemingly trying to put it back together. She looks genuine in her attempt. "I'll buy you another one."

"No I'll just fix it. At least the picture is not ruined." Blake takes the frame back. She sits it on the empty desk where I just fucked Amber, looking at me.

I must look guilty because I feel it. For the first time in a long time I feel guilty for having sex, for even wanting it.

I work hard not to advert my eyes.

Blake opens her mouth to speak but Amber interrupts. "I should be getting back to my office. Sorry about the picture again." Amber turns to leave stopping at the door. "Karen you want to show me the way out. I get lost sometimes."

I forgot Karen was still in the room. The only person I can see is Blake and her eyes are full of suspicion.

Amber walks behind Blake winking at me. I have to leave her alone, she too unpredictable and that is dangerous to mine and Blake's relationship.

The door closes behind them leaving us to lie to each other.

I hate this feeling and hate that Blake is looking at me making me feel this way.

I clear my throat taking a seat on the edge of my desk. "Is everything okay?"

"Besides James being my shadow, no." Blake keeps her eyes on me. "You weren't answering your phone. I got worried when you didn't call last night." She picks the broken picture frame up laying it in one of the chairs.

"Checking up on me I see." Here we go with the clinginess.

"Checking up on you, you actually have a person following me around." Blake starts. "But I was worried. You didn't call last night or stop by this morning."

"When did that become a rule?"

"I didn't say it was. It's just something we fell into at some point." She comes to stand between my legs. "What's gotten into you, you've been acting strange."

"I'm not."

Blake lessens the distance between us. "Since you have an already clean desk why don't we make good use of it and make it dirty."

Blake's always has fresh breath, just one of the many things I like about her.

"God yes." I'm still turned on by my encounter with Amber. I scoot back to the middle of the desk undoing my shirt, my belt and pants. "Is the door locked?" The last thing I need is another unexpected visitor.

Blake climbs on top of me. "Probably not but who cares, you look beautiful."

Her words freeze me but this time in awe. There have been only a handful of times someone has called me beautiful without asking for money or drugs in the next breath.

Sure I look damn good in a tux, power suit or a dress, but as a person, spirit mind body and soul; Blake is one of the only people who think so.

Her hand move up my shirt and around my ribs to my back, unhooking my bra with the snap of her fingers.

I let her slide the bra and shirt off my shoulders.

Even during quickies Blake stares at me in awe.

As much as I hate to admit it I'm self-conscious. With age my body is changing.

Sure my breasts aren't as perky or firm as they used to be; still Blake has never said anything through weight gain or loss.

She still looks at me like she did our second rendezvous.

She climbs higher her hand massaging the base of my skull, her fingers tangling in my hair.

She knows how much I love it.

The fingers lull me into a trance only to awaken by her lips upon mine forcing me to lay back.

I try to reach for the hem of her shirt but she pulls back shaking her head. "Let me play." She ducks her head dragging her tongue down the valley of my chest.

As much as I try to push her downward Blake takes her time dipping her tongue into my belly button.

"These have to go." Blake makes quick work of my clothes

If it were anyone else, I might feel vulnerable being the only naked person in the room. With her I know what I'm getting. I know she's here to please me or love me as she says. Either way I feel safe with her.

When I was younger I loved being naked. I used to run through my mothers' parties naked as the day I was born. At least that is what my nanny told me.

Blake's hair tickles the inside of thigh.

The pulsing between my legs grows stronger.

With the first swipe of her tongue my chest cavity squeezes and I'm sure I'm having a heart attack.

With the next swipe it releases as the blood returns. The torturous cycle continues until I want to scream. "Baby...up here."

She swipes her tongue one more time before moving up my body.

Even the roughness of her jeans isn't satisfying my carnal urge. "Why do you tease me?"

"Because I don't want you to come until the feel of me is burned into your very soul. You won't need another woman."

God! Does she know? How could she? Am I that predictable?

"Is it working?" Her fingers dance around my sex.

"Yes."

"Good." Her finger slides down to my opening. As soon as they enter it's like a punch to my solar plex. The wind is instantly knocked out of my chest and the panic sets in, but it manifests as pleasure.

My hands tangle in her shirt, pulling and begging for more. Its not often I'm on the receiving end of a sexual encounter, with Blake it seems to be the norm.

"Don't hold back."

She doesn't know that I can't with her, not like this.

"Fuck!" I pull her down on top of me, feeling my toes curl at the start of my release.

Blake kisses my shoulder and pauses before biting it.

I don't know what urged me to look over Blake's shoulders. At the door standing there is Amber smirking like she's won. She backs out shutting the door quietly.

I relax letting my orgasm run its course.

Blake isn't finished.

She curls her fingers. At the end of one orgasm another begins. Blake continues her assault until my muscles start to ache, my eyes blur, and head begins to pound from being tense for so long.

Finally, Blake removes her fingers kissing my forehead. It's the only thing that helps me stay conscious and float safely back to earth.

"Wait." I hold her body on top of mine. The warmth of her body is addicting and as comforting as a mother's bosom to a newborn.

The warmth is also feeding the guilt that has been gnawing at me. Most of the things I do are to acquire money, fame, or power; there was no reason to feel guilty. This is different. There was no reason besides my own ego and foolishness to fuck Amber. A quick roll on my desk isn't worth what she makes me feel.

"Blake?"

"Yea, babe." She kisses across my collarbone and downward taking one hard peak between her lips.

I comb my fingers through her hair. "I should have called."

Surprised Blake looks up at me tossing her hair to one side. "It's okay. I know your trying and there are bound to be some missteps along the way."

Her words only add gas to the fire burning in my chest.

Blake climbs off the desk pulling me with her. "I'm sure you have a full day ahead of you."

I do and I'm laying naked on my desk.

"Are you going home tonight?"

"I might work late but I'll call you."

"It's all I ask." Blake pulls me off the desk, kissing my jaw and palming my butt. "I'll see you later."

I get dressed not bothering to pick up the mess on the floor. I think I'm just going to sit here until 5. There is no way I can get in trouble sitting at my desk, not again.

"Phew, that was close." Amber walks back into my office.

"Go away." I growl. I'm no longer in the mood for her presence.

"She's exactly like I thought." she sits in the one of the chair in front of my desk. "A very gentle lover."

"You got what you wanted."

"No I didn't, well half of what I wanted."

"I could have you fired."

"And have a lawsuit on your hands. It would be much easier if you just let me cum riding you face."

"You wouldn't make it to court."

Amber waves her hand dismissively at me. "Oh please you wouldn't kill me." Amber stands up leaning across my desk. "Why are you resisting again?"

"You know why."

"I just want it once. One time with you holding me down plowing into my body. I want your hands around my neck while I cum. I want feel your tongue clean me up afterwards." She leans back smirking.

"It won't happen again." I scoot my chair back.

"I wanted two things, but I saw you cum this morning." Amber keeps talking like I haven't said a word.

"She could have seen you."

"What's important is that you saw me, and I'll be thinking about it tonight when I fuck myself to sleep." She stands up walking towards the door. "Just think it could be you between my legs."

"I said no."

"Oh I heard you but I'm going to let you think about it that is if you want to keep her in the dark. I hate to break up a happy home. All I'm asking for is one time. I'll let you know when and where."

That's it I have to take her out.

"Oh if anything happens to me I already have a copy of our conversations waiting to be mail, emailed, and texted to her." Amber smiles, holding up her voice recorder "just one time."

"God damn it." I try to take calming breathes. It should make me angry but the way she has maneuvered around is impressive.

I know I'm tired from all the sexual activities of this morning, but I know by tonight I'll be so wound up I won't be able to stand it.

NATALIA

"Are you freaking kidding me Natalia!" Lindsey almost screams as I open my bank safety deposit box.

"Would you keep it down for god sake?"

"Natalia how much is all this worth?" She starts to finger the assortment of jewelry.

"I don't know. I assume it's enough for Emma and Rafe college fund."

"Yea and everyone in their graduating class." I slap her hand as she reaches for my real wedding ring.

"Don't tell Olivia. I just didn't feel comfortable having something that cost that much on my hand." I place the bracelet she gave me yesterday alongside the others.

"She has one hellva guilty conscious." Too fast for me to react she pulls out a diamond necklace. "Let me have this one."

"No. I told her to stop buying me gifts." Lindsey hands the necklace back. I put it back on the rack with the others.

"This is a scene straight out of Casino. I'm so jealous." She pulls our marriage/divorce agreement as I call it out of the box.

"Well one day I'll pass all this down to Emma. She'll look like an actual princess on her wedding day."

"Natalia?"

"Yea?" I pull my wedding ring out and slide it on to my finger. Holding it up it sparkles in the light. I would ever admit it to anyone, but I come here every month to put it on for a few minutes. I've never had something so expensive before Olivia gave it to me. Nicky and I got our rings a J.C Penny on clearance.

"Have you read any of this?" Lindsey flips through some of the pages.

"I scanned it. It's just papers about the properties she put in my name and our wills."

"It's a little deeper than that."

I look over her shoulder at the page she is studying. "What does it say?"

"Basically you get everything except the businesses if you ever split. You would probably be better off if you ever get divorced."

"Which I don't plan on."

"I'm just saying she's giving you everything."

"Don't want it." I close the book and put it back along with my ring.

"Where is Blake anyhow?" Lindsey takes a picture of the locker before I close it.

"Where do you think she is? Ever since she got with Doris she has been M.I.A."

"Hmm. I'll be glad when that is over."

"At least she is happy." I really want her to be happy but we all know Wolfe. She's not marriage material.

"I doubt it. As soon as the honeymoon phase is over there will be blood. And as her best friend we'll have to kick Doris's ass." Lindsey raises an eyebrow at me. "Are you ready for it?"

"No, I'm staying out of it. Blake is grown woman and she can make her own decision."

"You just don't want to upset Olivia."

"I don't, and I don't want us picking sides. I think we can all be adults about this. At least I hope."

"How's Olivia?"

"Still a lot of sleepless nights, but she is opening up to me more. The medication has lifted her mood significantly. So, I don't know really." I shrug my shoulders, locking the box.

It's so hot.

Maybe it's because I'm horny as hell and refuse to stem it in the shower or maybe it's the way Olivia has been watching me put on lotion.

I'm going to say both but I don't think it hurts that I haven't put on any clothing.

"What are you looking at Olivia?"

I catch her off guard as her head jerks up to look me in the face. "I..um." She turns away from me.

I was a little disappointed to find her in her goth sweats for bed, which is a sign not to touch her. But If I'm going to put my plan into action I need to do it now.

Our messing around has become more frequent and intense but she's still holding back.

So the plan to is to make her so horny she won't care about what happens or think about anyone else. Subtly I've been entangling her in my web of lust.

Little thing that won't scare her.

Brushing up against her ass when passing. Kissing her neck instead of lips when we part. Making little noises when putting on lotion.

I've notice a real change in her eyes. The lust that settle there make my hair stand on edge and I know if I just gave in Olivia would leave me tired, achy and pleased.

But it's not about me, it's about get her in tune with her desire and actions.

"So.." She clears her throat. "How was your day?"

"Oh you know the usual." I start rubbing lotion on my chest making sure to pinch my nipples.

I can see her eye watching my reflection out the window. Her fists close around the sheets.

"Is it hot in here?" She asks pulling the collar of her sweatshirt.

"I'm fine." I finish my show putting on a pair of boy short and a tank top.

"Okay." She slips under the covers facing my side of the bed.

Yes, she is ready for a little more to night but not all.

I slip in and before I can lay down Olivia is at my side. Still she doesn't take the initiative. That just won't work tonight.

"Is there something you wanted?"

Again, she looks surprised.

I slide down facing her. I tease her with the promise of a kiss but I won't do anything until she asks for it.

She licks her lips contemplating her answer. "I want to kiss you."

"Then kiss me."

Her lips start at my jaw kiss down my neck and up to my mouth. When we break she is breathless, panting for more.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" I climb on top of her straddling one of her strong thighs.

I rub her knee wishing she were wearing her real pajamas, instead of sweats. "We've been skating around the issues instead of facing it."

"I'm sorry."

"No it's my fault too." I have to approach this very delicately. "So let's start tonight if you want."

"I do." Olivia perks up nipping on my neck. Her hand travels under my shirt as she tries to roll me on my back but I resist. "What's wrong?"

"We need to take another approach to this." I untangle myself sitting straight up in the middle of the bed.

"Okay, like what?" She moves away me pulling her knees up to her chin.

"That for one." I push her legs down to the bed. "I need you to stay in this moment with me."

"I am."

" Good and I need you to listen to me and follow my instructions." I crawl to sit in front of her. "Tonight is going to be about you reconnecting with your sexual self."

"What have you been watching?" Olivia laughs.

"This moment remember?"

She nods apologetically.

"Now lean back against the head board." She does, half reclining back. "Now I want you to tell me what you think about?"

"What do you mean?"

"When I'm in the shower thinking about you, are you here touching yourself?" I open her legs crawling between them but not touching her.

"Sometimes." Her eyes jump across the room.

"Right here, in this moment." I catch her eyes. "And when you touch yourself what are you thinking about?"

"I think about us." Her hands lay limp at her side. The arousal in her eyes tell a different story.

" Go on."

"Sometimes I think about being Cherry. Dancing for you." Her expression changed erecting a wall.

Oh no, while she has never told me to my face I believe that character was part of the problem. I don't see Olivia as some prostitute or a whore like she might think. "I don't want her to dance for me, I'd rather my wife." I kiss the side of her mouth waiting for her to respond. She does turning to kiss me full on.

She's such a good kisser. It never fells to make my knees weak. My arms almost give out so I pull away with her protesting.

"Can you do that for me?"

"What?" She tries to lean forward to kiss me. I keep her at bay.

"I want you to be my wife, the woman I love and respect."

"Okay."

"Good." I kiss her again this time playing with the hem of her sweat shirt. "We need to practice trust."
"I trust you."

"That is easier said that done." I put my finger over the lip to quiet a comeback. "I want you to take off your clothes."

Olivia's eyes widen to the size of saucer betraying her tough front.

"Shirt first then pants." I wait as she fingers the bottom of her shirt.

She looks off to the window. "Can we turn the lights off?"

"No, I want you to look into my eyes." I sit down Indian style between her legs.

She licks her lips. I ball my fist, its all I can not to lick them too.

"Okay."

"Okay." I repeat. "Look at me." I stare into her eyes as she sheds her top. "I don't have to look to know you are beautiful."

Olivia smiles quickly pulling her pants down and tossing them.

"Goodness."

"Kiss me."

I get back on my knees kissing her for all I'm worth. I keep my hands on the bed, I don't want to scare her. It's the farthest we've been in a long while.

We separate and I can't breathe.

"What do you want me to do now?" She slipped back into her seductress mode.

"I want Olivia to be my dancer, if you don't mind."

"I want to be your fantasy."

"You already are." I kiss her neck just aching to touch her.

Olivia moans, lifting off the bed.

"Slow down." I caress the side of her face kissing around her jaw. "We have all night." Even though Olivia is responding to my touch I realize she has her hand firmly implanted in my stomach to keep me off of her.

I'm still trying to dominant her and that's not what we need right now.

"Come sit in my lap." I think she'll be more comfortable on top. "Come on." We switch places as she straddles my legs. My eyes instantly jump to the apex of her legs. What I wouldn't do just to touch or taste her, anything short of my first born.

"I think this is against club rules." She laughs her body still writhing.

"You're my wife. I think they'll make an exception." I twist my hands in the sheets.

"I want you to touch me." I watch her fingers pinch her own nipples.

I have to keep my wits about me. "I want a show."

"Yea? Feeling a little voyeuristic tonight?" Olivia pulls at her nipples teasing me. She leans close bringing her nipple just a hair away from my mouth.

I blow on the taut skin. "Yes. Show me something."

Olivia sits up smiling devilishly down at me. "I'll give you a show." One hand slides down her body hovering just above where I want to be.

I hold my breath waiting for her to touch herself.

"Is this what you want to see?" Olivia lets three finger rubs across her sex. Her hips buck forward. She falls forward catching herself on the wall. Her hair falls curtaining her face.

"God Olivia." I ball my fist until I feel my nail dig painfully into my palm.

"It feels so good." She pants, her fingers sliding back and forward. "I need you to touch me."

"Not yet." I squeeze my own thighs together.

Olivia's hand speeds up then slows down. I can hear it in her breathing she's on the edge.

"How does it feel?"

"So good. I need you." Olivia stops her hand. She picks up mine placing it on her breast. "Right here." Her hand moves back to her sex.

I love the weight in my hand. My thumb circles around her bud.

"Keep doing that."

I let the tip of my tongue trace the pattern of my thumb.

Olivia's hand twists itself in my hair. "I'm going to cum!" Olivia pulls my head back. Her eyes are so clear yet clouded with lust. "I need you inside of me."

Just the thought has my arm twitching but she not ready. "All you."

Olivia whines. Her hand moves a little faster as her hips jerk.

"Tell me when you're ready."

Olivia nods her head. Her lips meet mine in a rush. Only a few second past and arches her back.

"Don't move!" Her moans fill the room as her body tightens. "Right ther-" The words get caught in her throat.

Her hands balls in my hair, I'm sure pulling out a patch.

"God, I love you baby." I hold her to my body, just relishing in the fact that she's open to me.

"I love you more." Olivia slouches against me. She pushes my hands away from her.

I want to hold her but she moves to the bed curling up on her side away from me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes."

I sit there in the dead of night silently. "Olivia?"

"I'm okay really." She gets up putting on her sweat back on. "I'm just tired." Without another word Olivia slips under the covers. "Hold me."

I turn the lamp off sliding under the covers with her. She settles her head on my shoulder, her leg tangles with mine.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

I can feel her smiling against my shoulder.

"What?"

"I like when you say that."

"I mean it."

"I know."

DORIS

When I pull up at Blake's house it's after 9 and I'm about to implode. Amber has been sending me naked pictures all afternoon but it hasn't swayed me…yet. Even after fucking her and getting off with Blake this afternoon I'm still horny as hell. The alcohol is only make it worse. Drunk sex is the best.

I use my key to get in the house. I need her now no foreplay. No gentleness just hardcore, porn worthy sex.

I hope she isn't sleep.

The only light on is in the kitchen. I tip toe in thanking any deity that exist. Blake is standing at the sink in a black night gown. "Sexy."

The bowl in her hand slips with a loud thud in the sink. Blake turns around startled and happy at the same time.

Probably thought I wasn't coming, I thought about it.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"Turn back around." I want this so bad I can barely walk straight.

"You've been drinking." She shakes her head. "We need to talk."

"After you turn around." I wait for her to follow instructions before slowly walking up behind her.

"What are you up to?" Blake smiles closing her eyes.

"You'll find out soon enough." I'm seconds away from just grinding in to her back side. Instead I steady myself sliding my hands up the outside of her thighs pushing the short silk fabric over the roundness of her ass.

Without having to be told Blake bends slightly poking her butt out.

"What are you going to do?"

I love a challenge and even more I love winning. "What do you think I'm going to do?" I rub the soft globes in front of me.

Blake spreads her legs taking a wider stance. I'm glad she wants it as bad as I do. I don't know what I would do if she turned me down.

"Touch me."

I run my finger the length of her sex gathering the natural lubricant her body is producing.

Blake never the one to hold back moans pushing back onto my finger. I have something better in mind, still I let her body wrap around my digit while I busy myself unzipping my pants.

"More baby."

"You want more?"

"Yes." She starts a steady rhythm until I pull my hand away. Blake groans pleading for me to fill her.

"I'm going to give you so much more."

"Please, give me all you can."

I pull the multi colored phallus out of my slacks. Olivia gave it to me as a gag gift but I love it and so do the women who have come riding it.

I place the 8-inch dildo against her glistening opening before I can push forward Blake jump forward turning around to me.

"What are you doing?" Blake looks genuinely surprised by my actions.

"Giving it to you." I mentally kick myself as soon as the words come out. They sound corny even to my ears.

"I don't want that." She backs away from me like I'm holding a gun.

"Why not?"

"I don't know it's hard to explain. I want us just us, you know?"

"No I don't." I'm not in the mood for understanding. I want to have sex with my girlfriend. At least I did want sex, now the need is leaving me and I'm standing in the middle of her kitchen with a strap on hanging out of my pants. I feel stupid and I don't like it one bit. "You don't want to fuck."

Blake flinches but stands up tall. "Please don't say it like that. We are together now. And I want to make love with you." She walks back to me trying to take my hands.

I match her steps backing up. "When did all this change?" I almost laugh.

"It hasn't changed." Her strong demeanor starts to crumble.

"Yes it has, you've come up with all these rules without telling me."

"I'm trying to communicate."

I take a few more steps back. "No you're trying to control me. First you want me to call with updates and now this."

"I was worried. You said you would call." Her eyes start to water. "You're the one who has one of you people following me."

"Coming to my office unannounced?"

Just like someone threw a switch she morphs from sad to mad. "Is that what this is about because I caught you with that whore?"

"Firstly you didn't catch me doing anything. Secondly you're judging someone else?" That's a hoot and a half.

"Don't you dare. Don't." Blake circles behind me. "I have spent my entire adult life trying to make you happy, just trying to be what you wanted."

"Oh because you fucking Frank was on my Christmas wish list."

"You told me you never wanted to see me again!"

"You fucked him before we broke up."

"You were fucking not one but two other women on my birthday!" Blake shouts stomping her foot. "I had to find out from my best friend. You don't seem to remember me crying my eyes out when you told me you fucked her too and they weren't the only ones."

"I told you they didn't mean anything." How many times do I have to say it?

"Apparently me neither, if you can cheat on me so easily." Blake sinks into one of the chairs, her head bent low. "You're changing the subject."

I get so tired and fed up going over the same thing every time. "What would the subject be?"

"You and that woman are having sex behind my back."

"What exactly did you see Blake? Did you see us kissing, did you see me on my knees between her legs?" I zip my pants digging my keys out of my pocket. "No Blake you didn't see me fucking her on my desk while she screamed my name. Or was when she was three fingers deep inside of me."

"Stop!" Blake stands up so quick the chair topples over. "Why would you say those things?"

"I want to know what you saw. Because I remember that it was you on my desk on top of me while I said your name."

"I feel it. You're pulling away from me. That's all that is about." She points at my groining.

I pull my shirt out of my pants covering the bulge.

"You want to have sex without touching or looking at me." Blake stands up straighter looking stronger than before. "That" she points again, "It doesn't do it for me."

"But his does?"

She stares at me glaring. "What do you want? I divorced Frank and broke up with Brian, what more can I do? Why can't you let it go?"

"Because you never let what I did go."

"I haven't brought anything up to you this whole time. Not once have I complained about the women that constantly wink and whistle at you."

"What are talking about now?"

"Do you think I'm blind or just stupid?"

"Both."

Her eyes almost pop out of her head.

"And don't think I don't know what you've been up to!" Yea I have reasons to be mad too.

"You have James following me so what exactly could I be up to?"

"I've seen the letters you save from Frank and I know you've talked him." I have her on the ropes. This is why people can't be trusted. "This is why we never work because I can't trust you."

"You're choking me I can't do this!"

"I'm choking you! You show up at my office unannounced. Do you know how hard I work to keep you safe? How much time I spend thinking about you and what you're doing, who you're with." I could strangle her. "You're are always busy and you're a fucking realtor."

"No, I'm not going down this road with you for the last time I am not your mother. I can't sit and wait for you every second of the day. I'm sorry I wasn't born royalty. And make up your mind either you want me to smother you or you want space."

"Don't bring up my mother. You won't win that fight."

"I gave you space, time and whatever you asked for and what do I get?" Blake sits back down in a chair holding her head in her hands. "It would be so much easier if you just tell me how you feel instead of pulling these stunts."

"Stop trying to analyze me."

"I'm not."

"You are, have you ever stopped to think maybe I just wanted to fuck you tonight and that nothing was wrong. Stop trying to make me fit in this perfect little box so you can feel… I don't know."

"Safe, loved, devotion. That's what I want to feel and I want to feel it with you."

I throw my hands. "I don't even know why I argue with you, I can't win."

"You design your whole life so you can win; everyone is just a pawn in your master plan."

"Then why are you with me?"

"Because I love you!" Blake pauses staring a hole through me.

This again, my mother was right. I know what she wants to hear.

"Do you love me?"

"Will it make you feel better if I say it?"

"Only if you mean it."

I avert my eyes to my shoes, which I know indicates a lie. What else can I do? "I care about you a lot." I'm not in the mood to give in to emotions.

"But you don't love me?" Blake looks like she's holding her breath.

"I didn't say that." I don't know why she does this to herself. Why can't we just have a good time?

"What you didn't say says more." She walks out of the kitchen.

I follow, it's obvious where this is all going.

Blake opens the door. "Get out."

Yep that's what I thought. "Fine Blake. If this is how you want it, I'm leaving." I don't need this headache. "It's ridiculous to be this upset over a strap-on."

"I'm glad you've summed it up to that."

I walk out the door slamming it behind me.

I walk into my office still heated, not only from just being plain horny but from our argument. Blake knows how much it turns me on when we fight.

I need something to preoccupy my time. What better way to calm myself then to sit in an empty office and drink?

If I weren't trying to be faithful I would have gone to a bar picked up two women that would be way sexier and younger than Blake. I could have fucked them until she called and apologized.

God, that doesn't sound like a bad ideal.

"Mayor Wolfe?" Karen peeks around the corner right before I close the door. Karen my assistant stands nervously at my door. I've been so caught up in Blake I haven't found out much about her. The only thing I know is she is from a one horse town and is attending college somewhere.

"What are you doing here Karen?" I open the door waving her inside.

"I was working late trying to finish up filing." She tiptoes in my office. "What are you doing here? I thought you had an engagement."

"Change of plans." I close the door. I notice her eyes skip to my groin area.

Women. They throw themselves at the first cock to have them.

"I should let you go."

"Wait." I block her exit. "Why don't you take a break in here with me? We'll have a drink."

Karen shrugs her shoulders.

I walk to the small refrigerator under my desk. A chilled bottle of 100 proof vodka should do the trick. I pour two glasses and hand one to her.

"Why don't we have a seat and we'll talk. I just realized I don't know much about you." I move the chairs before she can sit down. I gesture to the couch in the corner.

Karen takes a seat. "Oh this is much more comfortable then it looks." She bounces on the cushions taking a few grimaced sips of her drink.

She's probably never drank in her life. "You don't like it."

She shrugs her shoulder again. "I usually don't drink. Not that I have a problem." She covers herself quickly taking a big gulp.

"Neither do I."

"No that's not what I was saying. Not that there's anything to be ashamed of…I know people with problems. Not that I think…" She takes another sip, just to shut her mouth. "I know you don't have a problem, I mean you're rich, beautiful…." Karen starts to blush.

I just look at her, while she sips her drink.

I go ahead and knock my drink back in one go. She does the same choking and coughing.

After a few minutes of silence, I see her eye become brighter. The drink is taking its effect on her. I refill both glasses. Once again I finish mine in one gulp. She continues to sip on her drink slyly watching me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes." She smiles as I take her cup from her. I finish it for her.

Can't get her drunk. Just need her to relax enough to know what she's doing is wrong and not care. "You know the best thing about this couch?"

She shakes her head.

"Come here." I help her up. She intentional brushes up against me. "You know what I love about this couch? It's a duel couch." I pull the bed out.

"I didn't know that." Karen starts to giggle.

I sit down on the bed patting the space beside me. "Sit down and tell me about Karen."

She sits down almost on top of me. "I'm from Mississippi. I know you can't hear my accent because I worked really hard to lose it. When I turned 18 I moved to Las Vegas for two years. Then I came here when my friend moved here. I like the atmosphere."

I touch her naked knee to see how she will react. She looks at my hand but she doesn't remove it or flinch.

"I really enjoy working with you. You've been so nice and accepting even when I don't do things right." She smiles covering my hand with hers.

"Everyone has to start somewhere. Maybe in a few years this will be your office." I move my hand higher. I don't feel like talking anymore. I'm starting to feel a little buzzed myself.

Karen keeps her hand on top of mine. It seems we're both feeling a little frisky.

"Why don't you get comfortable?"

She scoots to the middle of the pullout bed. "Wow I can't even feel the bar like the ones in the motels."

"No that's why I like this couch." I kick my shoes off. I pull hers off dropping them on the floor. I should have let her keep them on, that would have been so sexy.

I lay next to her.

"I'm nervous." She admits.

"Nothing to be nervous about, just a few co-workers having some drinks after hours. You can do anything you like." I put my hand back on her knee rubbing it up her thigh, just up the inside of her skirt. "Anytime you want to leave you can, I'll understand."

Slowly and attentively she leans down to kiss me, a closed mouth kiss. More of a peck. She starts laughing.

We'll be all night if I wait for her.

I slowly unbutton her shirt letting it fall open. I quickly undo the front clasp of her bra. Her nipples contract immediately.

She moans pulling away slightly. "I can't, what about Ms. Mahler?"

"Well she isn't here right now." I help her slide her shirt and bra off. "I want you." I kiss her neck and shoulder. "I've wanted you since I first laid eyes on you. You're the kind of woman I could see myself taking long vacations with."

"Really?"

"Really." I trace my finger around her nipple as her breathing quickens.

"It's just that I've never…"

"Shh. That's why I'm here. I'm going to show you everything you need to know."

"I don't want to disappoint you."

"You couldn't, not the way I feel right now." I unbutton her skirt letting her lift her hips so I can slide it off along with her underwear.

I get up to my knees taking her in." Her body is tight, a little too toned for my liking but she will do.

Her breathing becomes stuttered as I run my finger down her stomach to the v of her legs. She's shaven clean. I'm more of a trim person but like I said she will have to do.

I lay her on her back hovering. I don't know what I want to do first.

Her hips lift off the bed. I guess I'll start there. Moving down her body I nip at the overheated skin until I make it to my destination. The first lick of my tongue she almost screams.

Her hand tangles in my hair pulling me into her body. "Oh god."

I wrap my arms around her legs to keep her in place.

She cums in no time. Her thighs tighten around my head.

This is what I needed. It's nice to know I still have this effect on women. In college, I used to be able to fuck women all night, just one after the other. They'd be so excited they wouldn't last long enough to get their clothes off. I'd have them in the throes of ecstasy by the time their head hit the pillow. The next would be in their place while they tried to sneak out.

Now that we are older it takes a little longer but I still got it.

I unzip my slacks kicking them off. Her eyes widen at the dildo sticking out from between my legs.

"You're so beautiful."

"Thank you."

I lay on top of her guiding the multi-colored phallus to her opening.

Her hand pushes at my hips. "Can you go really slow?"

I lean down kissing her neck up to her earlobe. "Don't worry. Trust me." I push into her again.

She hisses holding on to my hips.

I should tell her I'm not a man, she doesn't need to perform for me.

She moans again biting her lower lip.

"See very slow." I continue the slow pace of fucking her until I no longer can. I'm on edge and all I need is a little push. New conquests do that to me.

I push into her harder at a faster pace.

"Please slow."

I slow just a step until I cum pushing into her.

"Ow, ow." She continues to hiss.

"Did I hurt you?" I stop to catch my breath.

Karen just shakes her head, but I see a tear escape.

"What's wrong?" I pull out of her.

"Just a little sore." She winces trying to sit up.

"Don't worry I'll make you feel better." I slide back down her body intent on making her cum again instead my heart stops. There's a small drop of blood on the sheets.

Fuck me. I sit up not believing my own eyes. "Are you a virgin?"

"Yes, I mean I was." She sits up wrapping her arms around me.

This can't be happening. Who in this day in age is still a virgin? No one except this woman. This girl!

I can't even look at her the same.

"Did I do something wrong?" Her voice has even changes, she sounds like a child.

"No." I can't very well leave her unsatisfied. Then what would she think of sex. Every woman should look forward to sex, orgasms. I'm here now, the only thing is to finish.

It would irresponsible for me to leave her like this.

"Are you okay?" I wiggle out of her hold.

"Yes."

"Okay." As soon as I get her cleaned up I'm back between her legs. I take her into my mouth listening to her praise me and my golden tongue.

"Oh God." Karen arches into my mouth once again hold my head between her legs. "Right there."

Up, down, across, D, O, R, I, S, A, L, L, M, I, N, E.

She explodes screaming my name, pulling my hair. I hold her there careful not to agitate her newly deflowering passage.

Tonight has been fucked up all around. It can't get any worse, I refuse to let it.

Karen stretches her lithe body revealing every toned muscle.

She rolls over on the stomach laughing.

I get up to make me another drink. I need to get drunk.

I could have done worst. I could have fucked Amber again.

I slip the harness off my hip and redress.

"Where are you going?" Karen gets up limps across the floor naked. It's almost enough to make me stay but I have to get home and do some damage control.

"Home."

"Why?" Her voice spikes.

I was hoping she wouldn't so this. She knows I have a girlfriend and I don't intend on leaving Blake for her. "You know I'm in a relationship." I move away from her.

"But you said,"

"Whatever you thought I meant I didn't." I finish my drink straightening my clothes. "Look this was fun but that's all it was."

Oh great here come the water works.

I pull the sheets off the bed and fold the couch back up.

I need to get out of here. She's strangling me and we aren't even dating.

She runs to me wrapping her arms around me. "Since the moment I met you I've been thinking about us. We'll name our first child David or Dorothy. I would be the perfect house wife."

I push her off of me. I'll be damned if any one ties me down with kids and I'd sacrifice them before I name any of my kids after my parents.

"Not looking for a wife just a good night." I hurry and walk out the door, not sure where I'm headed.

I could go to my house but I don't feel like being alone or being smothered by Rodney or Johnny.

I could go out; the night is still young. Although I don't feel like being hit on or running into women who are still holding grudges.

I guess I could call Olivia but then I would have to deal with Natalia.

I get in my car and just drive.

I love driving at night. The loneliness of the night is peaceful along with the brightness of the reflectors on the roads. Each one like a star burning out with the passing of a headlight.

An hour passes by then another.

The third hour my eyes start to blur and at the end of the fourth hour I'm sitting outside Blake's house, on the hood of my car with an empty bottle of liquor.

All the lights are off; I assume she's gone to bed.

Obviously tonight hasn't affected her too much.

I don't know why she has to make a big deal out of everything, something so small.

What's the difference, I'm sure she's had sex with Brian, Frank and that douche bag Steve, the nerd Thomas, that gay guy Justin, and that fucking thief Patrick. And I know she slept with Rodney even though neither of them would admit it.

Now all of a sudden I'm not good enough. Yea well it's kind of her fault I slept with Karen tonight. She's knows how I get when I want sex. She knew I was going to go out and find someone to fuck. So really this whole night was her fault. She wanted me to trip up and I'm not going to give her the satisfaction of being right.

I didn't do anything wrong.

The living room light comes on then the light by the door comes on.

I should drive off just to show her how much this hasn't affected me either.

I'm too drunk.

I walk up to the door walking the straightest line I can, but Blake blocks my entrance.

She's wearing a silk robe I bought her for her birthday. I went to Japan and had it hand made from some woman who only makes ten a year. The thing cost a fortune.

"Go home Doris, you're drunk." Blake's eyes roll as she scratches her head. Her hair slips out from between two clips. "I'll call you a cab."

"I am home." I know she wants to take the bait. Just take it.

A smile creeps onto her face. Blake moves aside.

I walk in kicking off my shoes and realize just how tired I am.

"You still haven't apologized." Blake follows me to the bedroom with my shoes in her hand.

"I don't see why I need to apologize." I sit on the bed. I'm so tired I could sleep in all my clothes tonight. "You're the one who all of a sudden changed the rules. It didn't bother you a couple of weeks ago."

"A couple of weeks ago we were just having sex."

She discards her robe hanging it on the hook inside the closet door. "I told you a long time ago I prefer if it were just us."

I hear what she's saying but I also see something I want. Karen was mildly satisfying, at best. I want to fuck my girlfriend and wake up to breakfast in bed. That's what I wanted before I left and that's what I want now. I don't care how sleepy I am I could always go for another round.

"And not to mention I'm getting a little tired of you throwing Brian and Frank in all of our disagreements." Blake slides under the covers. "It's not fair."

"I know. I won't do it again." I unbutton my pants. "And next time I'll try to be more open to your suggestions."

"Thank you. And I'll not accuse you of sleeping around."

I try to get under the covers with her.

"No what are you doing?"

"Trying to get in bed."

"No you need to take a shower and brush your teeth you smell like a bar."

"Fine." I stumble to the bathroom. She probably right I need to get the smell of Karen off me.

BLAKE

I would never tell Doris how much I love sleeping next to her.

Cuddling was always her thing; I'd never tell her how much I love it too.

No matter how I turn she turns with me. She's like a human blanket. No matter how hot I gets I refuse to make her move.

The only thing is I do have to work. I should have been up and moving an hour ago. Its just so damn comfortable.

"Doris?"

"One more day." Doris kisses my shoulder.

"You mean minute."

"No, I mean what I said. You can go to work tomorrow." Doris throws her leg over mine, trapping me beneath her.

"I have a showing this morning."

"Why do you have to work anyway? I'll take care of you." Doris moves aside and burrows under endless waves of white and yellow sheets.

"Because I like to work, plus it gives me something to do instead of waiting." I sit up to stretch my back and neck.

"No one likes to work."

"No but we have to if we want a house, a car, or food." She forgets not everyone had things handed to them. Some of us had to work very hard just for the basics.

"What are you talking about? I bought you a car and I gave you the black card. You could be living a life of luxury, in a mansion being pampered, but suit yourself."

"That sounds just delightful." I lay back down, my human blanket covering me once again. "What are you doing today?"

"Building a garden." Doris huffs sarcastically.

"Oh God!" I feel my heart stop.

"What?"

"I forgot I have to pick up the flower arrangement for the open house."

"So?"

"Mary! I told you every time I go in her shop she gives me a look." I turn over burying my face in Doris's shoulder. Facing Mary is something I am not up to today.

"Oh yes I remember." Doris hugs me closer. "I forgot to mention I gave her a dirty look for you when I saw her last week."

"Really?" This is why I love her; we're so connected sometimes.

"Sure did, I think she almost cried."

"You know I just don't get it. I mean we were never friends but we were applicable to each other. All of a sudden she just changed and I never knew why. Strange." I should really get out of bed and start moving. But I don't want to.

"I know what you mean she can be very clingy one minute and aloof the next. It's like tell me what you want for god sakes." Doris laughs.

That place in the back of mind starts to tingle. It always does when I'm about to ask a question I don't want to know the answer to.

I slip out of her embrace again. This time I get out of bed and open the shades, to a gray sky.

Doesn't look like the sun is going to make an appearance today. "How do you know?"

Doris sits up reclining against the headboard, the sheet bunching up around her waist. "Know what?"

"Exactly how do you know her and don't even think about lying to me."

"We had a small thing last year, it didn't mean anything."

"Don't say that!" I snap at Doris.

"It didn't. I don't want you to think anything else is going on between us."

"I hate when you say that, because it meant nothing to you. To the other women involved it might have meant something and when you say that you walk all over them again."

"Well what do you want me to say?" Doris shrugs like it no big deal.

"When did you sleep with her?"

"Right after we went on vacation before I left for rehab." She has the nerve to shrug at me.

I scratch my temple, just trying not to hit myself for being so blind.

Of course when some women give me a dirty look they've most likely slept with Doris. And she's most likely thrown them away to the side of the road.

"Please don't make this into a big deal."

I grab my robe hastily putting it on. "Why didn't you tell me? You've known all along why she was at odds with me."

"What, do you want a list of every woman I've bedded?"

"I'm going to take a shower." I race into the bathroom shutting the door behind me.

Why am I so blind? This woman has had her heart broken and all I do is rub it in her face.

Even the steaming hot shower doesn't remove the layer of guilt. I don't even know why I feel guilty. I feel the shame Doris should be feeling.

I leave the bathroom and Doris is no longer in the bed.

Slowly I get dressed, I'm as late as can be and I still have to stop at the flower shop and face Mary.

I know I don't have anything to apologize for, but I still feel the need to atone for Doris. These women don't think I feel their pain because Doris always comes back to me, at least temporarily. They don't know each time hurts more than the last.

I slip my shoes on preparing for a day of over thinking.

"Breakfast!" Doris kicks open the door sitting a tray of toast, eggs, oatmeal and orange juice on the bed. "I know you are on a so called diet."

"I'm not hungry." I pull out my jewelry box, selecting a pair of simple diamond studs and a gold necklace with a diamond pendant.

"You can't make me feel bad for having sex especially when we were not together." Doris sits on the bed by the tray picking at the eggs. "You always have to find something to become angry about. Nothing I do is ever good enough for you."

"Oh that's just simply not true." I'm not crazy or stupid, I've been through all this before.

"It is. If it isn't Olivia, it's the flower shop girl or the mail woman, or the R.A."

"That R.A. was my best friend and you knew that. But this isn't about them, it's about you and the way you treat people." I stand my ground because if I go near her I might slap her. "Why can't you see it meant something to them, to me? And you don't know how much it hurts when you say it didn't mean anything. The least you could do is acknowledge people's feelings."

"It's not my fault they want to fall in love. Everyone knows the deal before they get in bed."

Sometimes her view on life makes her so unappealing. "I'm going to work."

"This is what happens when I try to be open and honest with you."

"No this is what happens when you don't care about people feelings. You and your identical twins love to say your being open but really you just hold information until you get caught." I snatch my suit jacket off the hanger. "It's not about you sleeping with her. It's about you treat people like pawns."

"If you're scared I'm using you then just say it. Don't put her in the middle of this."

"Fine, what's the difference between me and them or between then and now?"

"I'm trying."

"Do you know how many times you've told me that and how many times you've cheated on me?"

"I can bet money you've kept count."

"And you would win like always." I walk to the door. I just want to rip it off the hinges, slamming it would be inefficient. "Five and 10 times."

"You can't count Olivia."

"Ok, five and nine times. So you can't blame me for being a little skeptical." She's always so stoned faced I can never truly read her when we fight. It's more that irritating. I never know when she's being sincere or lying to get her way. "Where did you go last night?"

"Karen locked herself out of the office. I went to let her in and I stayed to finish some business."

She answered way too quickly. That means she has practiced her story and the only reason to practice is to cover a lie.

"You don't believe me?" Doris grabs her phone off the bedside table. "Call Karen."

"Why was she there so late?"

"Filing complains."

I don't believe her. I know Doris, she would have already coached Karen on what to say. I'll do some investigation of my own and find out where Amber was last night.

"Have a good day."

I ignore her walking out of the room headed to work.

"Good morning."

I jump at the voice. Rodney is in my kitchen with no shirt on. Johnny is sitting on the kitchen island with no pants or underwear on.

I knew they would fuck each other sooner or later. "What the hell are you doing in my kitchen?" I feel my whole body set ablaze and not in a good way.

"Um, cooking that delicious breakfast you just ate."

"Why are you here?" My head is beginning to throb.

"D called us and said she wanted breakfast so we came over and cooked for you." Johnny taps Rodney's shoulder. "She could say thank you."

"Oh and you're out of milk and eggs."

The muscle in my neck tightens again. I need a massage.

It always was a package deal with her.

"If you stay I was about of fix chicken salad for lunch." He picks up a bowl of chopped chicken.

"It must be cold in here Johnny." I know it's not his fault and taking my anger out on him is unfair. I'll apologized later.

His mouth drops open.

I walk to the door grabbing my keys and purse.

Fuck this.

Natalia

I miss Olivia already. I just want to go home with my children and sit on the couch with her.

"Natalia?" Lindsey snaps her fingers in front of my face.

"I'm listening. Go on." I turn my attention to Blake.

"No I was done. I just wanted your opinion." Blake's eyes are beyond red. She's been crying when she promised she hadn't.

"Just to play devil's advocate, maybe she didn't cheat." I see Lindsey roll her eyes. "Maybe she didn't. Is it possible she did just go driving and maybe just maybe go to her office and get drunk?"

I know Doris and I have our differences but she makes Blake happy, most of the time.

Lindsey relents. "I was about to disagree but maybe Natalia could be right. I mean it's a very small chance that she didn't. I mean very small."

I slap Lindsey's knee. "God Lindsey."

"I feel like the whole thing got blew out of portion. I think she was just waiting for us to fight just so she would have an excuse to go fuck someone else." Blake covers her face.

"I do have a question." I've been wanting to ask Blake this for a long time. "So you're bisexual but you don't like," I lower my voice. "toys."

Lindsey leans forward. "You know we are all adults. You can say it without whispering."

She loves to make me blush. Everyone doesn't need to know our business anyhow.

"To answer your question." Blake perks up. "I'm old fashion, but who doesn't love a thick long-"

"Okay! I got it." I hush her.

"I do." Lindsey and Blake high five over the table.

"Every once in a while, I need it. When it comes to sex with a woman, I don't want there to be any barriers. I want skin to skin. I want to feel the heat between her legs and taste her. I want to…"

"Okay Blake your about to kill our friend." Lindsey laughs fanning me with a few napkins.

BLAKE

"I'm really trying not to fall back into our old pattern." I shove a few leaves of lettuce in my mouth. "It's not about the toys. It was about her and the wall she puts up between us. That was just a mechanism to do just that."

"I understand it can be hard trusting a person who has cheated on you." Lindsey touches my hand. "Maybe it's good you're suspicious. That way at least when it happens you won't be blind sided."

"Lindsey that is a horrible way to think." Natalia finally speaks taking a gulp of water. "You can't go looking for things or just start assuming. If you can't trust her why be in the relationship at all?"

She's right.

"What changed, you were just gushing at the dance. Did you see something?"

"No." It's not something I ever want to see again. It burns me inside to see Doris with other women. "I just feel it especially with Amber."

"Amber!" Lindsey almost spits out her drink. "I thought she was straight."

"Me too." I know I sound paranoid. "But so was every other woman."

"Well what happen to make you think something was going on between them?"

"I went to Doris's office this morning. She was there and I felt a really weird vibe." I can't explain it.

"I would be worried about Karen." Lindsey waves her fork.

Karen's a child, I'm not worry about her trying to seduce Doris. "Anyway she apologized for not calling and we had sex in her office."

"Oh my god, tell me she didn't say her name!" Natalia clutches her chest.

"Well?" Lindsey is always impatient.

"No but I saw her standing in the door. Granted I was looking at her reflection, but I saw her just standing there watching us." I whisper to my best friends waiting for their reactions.

"Wow that is creepy." Natalia checks her watch again.

"I'll tell you what it is. It's unacceptable." Lindsey takes her napkin out her lap placing it on her plate. "I say we find Amber."

"Lindsey violence in never the answer." Natalia throws her napkin in. "What you need to do is talk to Doris and tell her you are uncomfortable with Ambers' presences."

"I can't do that. She'll just accuse me of trying to control her then we'll fight, she'll leave and help some women into her bed."

"Well Blake you told me once I can't be a stepping stone to my own wife now I'm giving you the same advice." Natalia puts her hand on my knee. "You need to be able to question her if you are ever going to have a solid relationship. If you can't talk you'll never be happy because you'll be too busy suspecting her of cheating."

"I know."

"Are you afraid you can't compete with other women?"

"I'm sure I can, I'm just not sure Doris wants me to."

"Maybe she a voyeur and it has nothing to do with Doris or you."

"Maybe, I just have this gut feeling she is up to something." I put my napkin in my too nervous to force myself to eat. "And I wasn't naked. I just felt like a violation watching me with Doris was climax around my fingers."

Both Lindsey and Natalia's mouths drop open. "What?" They both say in unison.

"What?" I shrug my shoulders.

"I just...I never pictured Doris as a versatile. I figured she was always in control of your sex. I guess it fits the old theory of controlling people liking to be submissive in the bedroom." Lindsey snorts. "Olivia I understand."

"Wait why?" Natalia looks almost offended. "Olivia isn't controlling she lets me do what I wish. Even her hotel runs smooth without her there."

"Oh please Natalia. She micro manages the hotel that is why it runs smoothly. And for you, tell me don't run everything past her before you do."

Natalia's mouth moves but no words come out. "Not everything."

"It's not bad it's just the way things are." Lindsey pats Natalia's shoulder, "with Doris I thought she would always want to be on top."

"Explain Olivia to me." I would think after being assaulted she would want control to make sure it doesn't happen again.

"With Olivia, she is all about trust. She micro manages things she doesn't trust people with but with Natalia she trusts her. She loves nothing more than to give her the power it just shows how much she has grown. With Doris, there is no growing to do."

"Then you don't know Doris. She emotionally crippled."

"Yes, but not because of an incident its something deep rooted in her to control everything. She has to be the end all be all for everything if she isn't what is her worth. What has she strived for all these years if people don't bow at her feet. What is her life about if she can't bend people to her will?"

I know all this already but I won't bend to her will. I'm my own person not some pawn in her game. The only problem is I always lose her when I assert myself. She runs from me, from us and I always end up losing. "I don't want to lose her not this time."

"Then you have to ask yourself if you are okay with sharing her. If you are then you shouldn't have a problem but if you can't share, then you need to talk to her. If she runs then she obviously not ready for a real relationship with you."

"I have to talk to her tonight. This is eating at me to think about her and Amber."

"Good you should get it off your chest."

"I am."

"Good."

Natalia looks deep in thought. "What about you and Jaime?"

"What about us?"

"What do you two do?"

"It's all vanilla but Jaime is a top and I wouldn't have it any other way." Lindsey smile wickedly.

She is so lying.

"But what is your favorite?" Natalia pushes for information. "What about you Blake?"

"Her mouth, sometimes strap-ons are so impersonal"

"Disagree I love Jaime's tongue but a good strap on is all I need."

We both look at Natalia who is blushing. I'm not letting her off the hook that easy, she started his conversation. "Natalia?"

"I guess I like Olivia's mouth but I like my strap ons."

"As in plural?"

Natalia blush deepens.

"Oh my god how could you not tell us!" I lower my voice. "Are you telling me Olivia is into Double penetration?"

Natalia nods her head.

"Just like I imagined." Lindsey whispers, just low enough for Natalia not to hear.

Holy shit, I would have never guessed. "Wow, I'm not judging but definitely not my cup of tea."

"I don't know I like doing it. The way she responds is breath taking." Natalia look down at her hands.

"Don't knock it until you try it." Lindsey raises her eyebrow.

"I'll take a rain check."

"Oh come on Blake tell me you wouldn't love two thick-"

"Lindsey for god sakes." Natalia chugs a glass of water sweat rolling down her temple.

A few women from the next table over start to giggle.

"Would you two stop, please. I'll never be able to come back in this place again." Natalia covers her face.

"You're the one who started this line of thinking."

"Okay since everyone is being so honest how come you didn't tell you slept with Rodney." Natalia smiles smugly as Lindsey gasps out loud.

"I did no such thing and if he told you otherwise I am going to kill him."

"He didn't but I thought he might be lying." Natalia smiles patting my knee.

"Oh no you two can't keep me out of the loop like this, spill."

"Lindsey there is nothing to tell. One night we were drunk and bashing Doris and we kissed but nothing happened because Rodney was terrified she would kill him and I wouldn't do that to her."

"Okay so I have an appointment in an hour so let's wrap this up." Lindsey sips the rest of her water and cleans her hands on the napkins. "Doris is a narcissistic and not the good kind. She'll never love you like you want her to and you will never truly be happy with her. I say you should give Brian a call and go back to him." Lindsey stands grabbing her purse, she turns around to James who is sitting at the next table. "I assume you will be paying."

Deep inside I know what she said is true. Even if there is a small chance it could work I owe it to both of us.

DORIS

I felt rejuvenated, I really felt good. Despite all the bullshit around me I felt damn good. The week has passed without much disrupting my days.

That is until my phone rang. I hoped it was James with his hourly check in, but it was the call I had been dreading. Amber.

No only am I dealing with Karen in my space, now she's back on my case. I hadn't seen or talked to her in almost a month now she calls in her favor and just when Blake and I were getting so comfortable. I was getting comfortable. Everything was going great, I hadn't even wanted to sleep with anyone else. But now, all the progress we've made is going to be flushed down the toilet.

It's bad enough I have small heart attacks every time Blake walks through the door. Every time I know Karen is going to blurt out the truth.

I told her I couldn't be with her. She was upset, very upset but it kind of blew over. I was hoping she would quit, avoiding a lawsuit. It would have been better than her moping around the office staring at me. I can feel it every time me pass or if I leave my office I can feel her angry glares.

Still all has been going well. Everything is great if I could get these two out of my life I would be even better and I could relax.

Today it had to come all crumbling down. For the last hour, I've been staring at my phone trying to figure out a way to get out of this situation.

I have to call Blake and tell her I'll be late getting home. Hopefully she's still got plans with Lindsey and Natalia help keep her mind occupied while sew up this loose end.

"Will that be all for today?" Karen leans on the doorway.

"Yes, you can go home." I don't even look up at her. I don't need to, I have enough problems without her guilt trip.

"I don't understand." She burst into tears.

"I'm not doing this with you today. Why don't you take the rest of the week off."
"No, I'm sorry I promised I won't say anything else."

"Thank you and goodnight." I finally turn my phone off.

I guess there is no need in having the night be a total disaster. This could be my last hurrah.

Yeah this doesn't have to be a punishment. It's a start to a new life.

I open my desk reaching all the way to the back of the draw. As soon as I feel the key I start to get excited.

On my way here my excitement was through the roof. I stop at home got some toys scrubbed myself and drove like mad man to get here but as soon as I opened the door, it all leaves.

And all I can think about is Blake and how she would feel and react when she finds out.

That's how I feel right now, like an asshole. All I can see is her face and her crying. I know if she would listen I could explain why I going to do what I'm going to do. It's for her own good, because if I can keep this all under wraps, it will all be worth it.

I'm doing this for her.

"Oh stop pouting. I know you want me." Amber drops her red terry cloth robe revealing her naked body.

Just like the next man I appreciate the female body. And Amber has a very nice body, very nice.

I'm a gambler. I always have been, so I know third time is usually the charm. Whenever a gambler says this is the last time it usually is because something terrible usually goes wrong.

I step further into the seedy motel room. There nothing but a bed and an old tv set sitting on a broken dresser. This looks exactly how I feel.

I drop on the surprisingly comfortable mattress placing the small bag on the floor.

Amber pouts, coming to stand in front on me. "Smile I wore the shoes you can't take your eyes off."

She does have on a pair of 6-inch red fuck me heels on. I can't lie it is a turn on.

She steps one foot on the bed beside me.

"Let's get this over with." As I'm about to slide to my knees Amber steps back. "Oh no. If this is it, I want it to be the way I want it." She picks up the bag unzipping it. A wide smile appears on the face as she peeks inside.

I get up cutting a few lines out of the dresser. "Whatever you say."

"Designer drugs." To my surprise she bends down taking in a line. "Nothing but the best."

BLAKE

Lindsey slides into the booth without a hello.

"Hello to you too Lindsey." Natalia waves.

Lindsey rolls her eyes. "I have had a day. First Brittany started her cycle and she was hysterical. Jaime immediately starts in on boys and sex. On top of that we fought before we left." Lindsey motions to the waiter. "Get this she told Brittany she couldn't be friends with Rafe anymore. She thinks Rafe is going to knock her up."

"Rafe?"

"Jesus yes. She's so scared Brittany is going to end up like her mother and father. And I told her Brittany is smart and if anything does happen she has us. And you and Olivia would make great grandparents. So even if she does get pregnant somehow they have a great support system."

"Lindsey, for god sakes, breathe." I pat her shoulder. "Have a drink and calm down."

"Sorry. She is just obsessed with this subject." The waiter must be too slow because Lindsey takes my drink and empties the glass of wine. "Ok so how are you two?"

Natalia smiles leaning her head towards me.

"What?"

Lindsey looks at me cocking her head to the side and for the first time since she arrived she smiles.

"Okay what are you two looking at?"

"Have you taken a pregnancy test because you are absolutely glowing." Lindsey waves at the waiter again.

"Shut up Lindsey!" My face starts to burn. Still I am as happy as I've ever been. Even with all our disagreements I'm happy. And as much as I've investigated I can't find one shred of evidence Doris is cheating on me, so yes I'm happy.

"You two have been getting pretty serious, do I hear wedding bells. Oh, tell me, Olivia and I am going to be your bride's maids." Natalia bounces in her seat.

"Don't even start, we are taking it one day at a time. I know I don't plan on walking down the aisle anytime so and god forbid anyone bring it up to Doris. She just took some drawer space."

"Either way I'm happy for you." Lindsey says and she storms up to the bar.

"Someone needs to get laid."

DORIS

"Harder, harder!"

I thrust harder into this almost perfect woman and all I can think about is my girlfriend. Blake wouldn't like this.

She's far too intimate to have sex doggy style.

No she would just want my tongue and fingers massaging.

"Oh god right there."

I should be happy. I have this sexy, married brunette begging me to fuck her and yet I can't commit.

Even with her screaming my name, I'm not even remotely on the verge of cumming.

I just want this to be over.

"I'm cumming."

I lean in circling my hips. I doubt she'll forget this.

BLAKE
"Our first night was amazing and we didn't even have sex." I laugh with my third glass of wine.

Lindsey who is on her fifth glass is starting to slur her words. "Yes right."

"We didn't for your information." I turn to Natalia who is always sober. "I just feel like something has changed in her."

"Like what."

"Take last night we watched a movie and cuddled half the night, then we made love."

"No glossing, give me some details."

"I don't know it just felt different like she was finally letting me in. I took my time just mapping every inch of her body. When I was inside of her…she looked at me with such open eyes. They were so clear; I can't even describe it."

"That's so romantic." Natalia gushes.

"You two have a serious problem. This is what happens when people read to many sex novels." Lindsey shakes her head at both of us.

I don't care. I believe in love and soul mates.

I believe there is a person for everyone all we have to do is try.

DORIS

"You didn't even cum." Amber straddles me.

"That wasn't part of the deal."

"Yes it is." She tries to kiss me but I turn away from her mouth. "I know what you want."

"I would like to leave."

"Well there is the door."

Instead of getting dressed and leaving I lay there with her grinding on top of me.

"She's made you soft."

I agree.

"I have a better ideal." Amber lays out on the bed with her legs open. "The faster we do this the faster you can pretend you never wanted this to happened." She bends her finger at me.

With some reluctance I crawl between her legs sliding back into her body with the extension.

"Now close your eyes."

I close my eyes trying to hold myself up at the same time preparing for an ambush.

"Now imagine I'm your wife. You just came home from a hard day of kicking around the little man to find me naked on the bed waiting for you."

This is ridiculous. "Amber."

Amber wraps her legs around my waist to prevent me from getting up. "No say her name. This is for you."

Just for her sake I play along. "Blake."

"Yes sweetheart."

I don't know what else to say, instead I just push into her really trying to imagine Blake beneath me.

"That's it, make me yours."

I lower myself sucking on her neck. Blake loves that kind of shit.

"We haven't made love in so long I need to feel you, just you."

I don't know how she knows but that is something Blake would definitely say.

"Slow just like that."

"Shit." I move just a little faster just how Blake would like it.

"You feel it baby."

"Yea!" I work my hip circling counter clock-wise. "God Blake."

Her nails dig into me back and lose it. Even through the rush of blood and the ringing in my ears I hear her say. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"You're such a sap."

I open my eyes and Amber is stifling a laugh. The fantasy is over and I don't feel anything but disgust for the woman who has made me weak.

Amber rolls pushing me off her. "You sound like my husband. If I wanted to fuck a sap, I would have stayed home."

I don't know when this happened to me. I feel dizzy and confused. How did I let this happen?

"Don't look so confused." Amber gets up putting on a large t-shirt and kicking off her heels. "You kind of hurt my feelings, most people think about me while they're with their wives, not the other way around."

BLAKE

"Do you trust her after all these years?" Natalia has been asking questions all night trying to work up to this question. What she really wants to say is don't trust Doris because I'll just get hurt.

"At first no. Who would, she's fucked half the women in this town."

Natalia pats Lindsey's head. She fell asleep about 30 minutes ago. Hopefully she'll wake up enough to walk to the car. Lindsey is too heavy for us to carry.

"You know how I met Frank?"

"No."

"Me and Doris had this big fight a few days before Olivia's graduation." I take Natalia's hand. It has to still hurt to know the whole story. "So I was walking at night by myself. Little did I know Doris was following me. Well Frank saw her and thought she was stalking me. The next thing I know they both collided like two trains in front of me thinking the other was attacking."

"Of course Doris came out on top of him about to kill when I pulled her off. They got into this huge argument over who was doing what. I tried to intervene and Doris had the nerve to tell me to shut up. So I decided right then who I was leaving with and I did. I dated Frank just to piss her off but it turned out we kind of liked each other. Two months later we eloped and moved here."

"So Doris moved here to follow you."

"She says she didn't. But I'll never forget what she said when I told her I was getting married." I remember it like it was yesterday. I always believe her. "She said when I get older I'll be the person you need and we'll be together."

"So poetic."

"I guess I've always been waiting on her to fulfill her promise."

"And you feel it now?"

"I've felt it every time we've been together. I'm just hoping this time it's true." I shrug my shoulders. I told myself I would let go of the past. "But it wasn't all her fault. I was married and still seeing her so it wasn't like I was available either. But since meeting Brian I feel like I'm ready. I don't know I guess I'm older and I'm ready to settle down. I'm just happy she's ready too." Or she had gotten better at hiding her indiscretions.

DORIS

I don't even know why I'm still here.

"So tell me about Mrs. Wolfe." Amber jumps onto the bed kicking her feet in the air like a child.

"No."

"Oh, come on we never talk. Just tell me how you met." She rolls on her stomach poking my stomach. "Please. And I won't ask anything else."

"Fine." I cross my legs still naked. "It's kind of funny. She thinks the first time we met was at her uncles' bar but actually it was on the sidewalk. Rodney and I were walking and I grabbed her butt but she thought it was Rodney. She turned around and ripped him a new one. I hid behind a column and just listen to her curse him out like there was no tomorrow."

"What happened next?"

"I told Rodney I had to have her and he bet me I couldn't bed her."
"I'm assuming you won."

I have to smile thinking about our first dates. "No, I didn't bed her in the time limit. When I finally did get her in bed I was drunk again and passed out between her legs. But we spent the whole weekend together and it was fun."

"Like I said you're a sap in disguise. People like you just love to be on the move. You have to have a new challenge every day, whether it is money or women. If you didn't you might have to look at yourself and see you're not as big as you think. You're not Atlas. No one cares if you shrug."

Bitch.

We sit on the bed drinking for what seems like hours. I look down at the clock. It's after 2, I have to get home.

"Are you ready to leave, because I'm going to need a ride home. I'm too drunk to drive."

"Shut up." I roll over on top of her. I pin both her arm above her head.

For a second fear floods into her eye replace by a drunken arousal. "What are you going to do?"

"I said shut up." Without permission or foreplay, I fill her with three fingers. Her moan breaks something in me. Blake put me in a trance and I have to break out. I can't give one person that much power over me. Everyone is replaceable and I have to remember that.

OLIVIA

"Olivia hit the snooze." Natalia rolls away from me.

I didn't even hear the clock going off. I blindly hit the top of the clock but it still rings.

"Olivia! Turn it off!"

"It's my phone."

"Tell Rodney we're sleeping." Natalia pulls the cover over her head.

I grab my phone off the nightstand. "Come back." I roll over pulling Natalia back to my side while pressing the green button. "This better be good."

"Mrs. Spencer, it's Dr. Bauer's from Cedar Medical Center."

I sit up so fast I make myself dizzy. This can't be good.

"I'm calling in reference to Doris Wolfe. She's been in an accident. You are listed as her next of kin."
"Where is she, is she okay? How bad is it?"

"What's happened?" Natalia drapes her arm over my shoulders.
"Can you come to Cedars? She is trying to leave but I need to check her over and she will probably need to stay the night."

"I'm on my way." I throw the phone onto the bed. I run to the closet picking at a pair of jeans and an old t shirt. No time to put on my face. She is going to pay for this.

"Olivia tell me what's going on?"

"It's fine. Doris has been in a car accident."

"Blake?"

"I don't know but I will call you as soon as I get there. I'm sure they're both fine." I slip my shoes on lacing them loosely. "I promise." I kiss Natalia on the forehead running out the door.

"Please be care and drive the speed limit!"

I do as my wife says and drive a respectable speed.

When I make it to the ER it doesn't look too busy for a Friday night.

I spot Doris sitting on a gurney with a big bandage on her forehead.

"What the fuck happened to you?" She slaps my hand when I try to touch her forehead.

"She wrapped her car around a pole." Rick answers for her. "Do you know what your blood alcohol level is right now. I could have you arrested."
"Do it or get the hell out of my face. You're making my head hurt." Doris spits at him.

Rick crosses his arms. "Fine I will."

"Wait wait wait." I catch Ricks arm before he can walk off. "I'm sure we can do something to make this go away."

He stands thinking and tapping his foot. "Actually, there is, we need a new MRI."

"You got it. Is a check okay?"

"I want it on my desk by morning." Rick smile standing like a tree. "And when are you going to come in for a full checkup?"

"I'm doing a lot better if you hadn't noticed."

"I have noticed but that doesn't negate the fact when you come in for you drug test you blood pressure is high."

"Yea I know I'm under a little stress. But I am mellowing out and… just give me some time I'll be in and you can probe me all you want. But now I have a few things to take care of." I point back at Doris. So, scoot before I change my mind about the machine."

"Fine."

I turn back to Doris. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine I told him not to call you. It was just a few stitches." Doris rubs her bandage on her head.

"Good, now what the fuck were you thinking driving in your state? You could have killed someone or yourself."

"Thank you for the PSA."

"I'm serious." I sit down beside her. "Let me take you home."

"Doris!?"

We hear Blake all the way down the hall.

"Don't look at me I didn't call her." I hold my hands up. "You should just be happy you aren't sitting in a jail cell."

"I called her. Go home to your wife and relax. Stop worrying about me. I got it all under control."

Yea right.

Blake stops to talk with Rick.

"If you want you can still come home with me. Rick doesn't think you should be alone with that head injury."

"I'm okay. I need to talk to her anyway." The pain is written all over her face as she slides off the gurney to stand. "I'll call you in the morning."

She limps to Blake in the middle of the hallway. Blake throws her arms around her neck quickly releasing her.

I inch closer.

"I'm so sorry."

My jaw almost drops to the floor. For Doris to even think she's sorry, something must be terribly wrong.

"No I shouldn't have accused you, I should have-"

"I love you." Doris blurts out.

The rest of my body threatens to fall alongside my jaw. What the hell did I miss that Doris would willing say those words and in public of all places. She actually sounds like she meant them too.

Blake just stares, her mouth hanging wide open. "I love you too."

I'm sure Blake is doing backflips in her mind. Her body just hasn't caught up.

"Let's get you home." They start down the hallway. Blake turns back to me. "Thank you Olivia."

"No problem."

I must have woken up in an alternate dimension. Doris is telling people she loves them and Blake is thanking me. What the hell is going on around here?

"Maybe I should have made her stay." Rick look just as confused as me. "Maybe the bump corrected her personality." Rick pats my shoulder. "Her friend was lucky."

"Who?"

Rick points across the ER. "She's with her husband."

I recognize Amber immediately. Oh shit. There is only one reason Doris would be with Amber in the middle of the night.

No alternate world after all.

Blake is going to kill her.

There aren't many things I stop Doris from doing, it's her life but this is too far. I can't just let her cheat on Blake just to prove a point.

She knows it will effect Natalia and that will affect me.

BLAKE

I can't even sleep. I just keep replaying the words in my head. She said she loved me with no provocation.

I can't even explain how I fell right now; I can't think straight.

"Are you going to stand there or sit and eat with me." I hear her fork clink against the plate.

I keep my back to her staring at the eggs in the pan. I want to sit and eat with her but I'm smiling too much and it will annoy her. "Coming." I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. It's all I can do not to sit in her lap. I keep taking deep breathes, lowering myself in a chair.

"So are you going to work today?"

"I don't think so; I was hoping to take an impromptu vacation."

"I have a pretty busy line up this week. " I break off a piece of toast just to do something with my hands. "Where were you thinking of going?"

"Anywhere but here. I just have a few things to clear up and I'll be ready to go." Doris sips at the coffee looking at me over the rim of the mug.

"So what bought this on, a near death experience?"

"I was nowhere near death and as far as this vacation...is it a crime to want to spend some time with my girlfriend."

"Of course not, but I just can't do it this week."

"Fine we'll do dinner and talk about next week."

"Are you sure you are okay? Do you want to stop by the hospital for a checkup?"

"I've never been better." She stands up with her empty plate and mug. "I just want you alone for a little while." She leans over me kissing my forehead.

Can life really get any better?

DORIS

"Karen, don't interrupt to me unless it's an emergency and by emergency I mean someone is dead."

"Wait!"

This is the bullshit I want to get away from. "What?"

"I thought we could talk."

God she sounds like a child. "No." I am changing, usually I would find a reason to fire her, but I'm not. "Tell Rodney and Johnny to come here right now."

"Yes ma'am" She's so naive. That's probably why I fucked her in the first place. I knew she would want to cuddle and have pillow talk but I didn't know she would be a fucking virgin.

As much as I hate to admit it, I was once that naive. It was only for a flash. I've never been that stupid, every step was planned and executed to the best of my ability. And that attitude got me everything I ever wanted. Why can't more people be like me?

Never show weakness and let another person bring you to your knees.

And that is where she is on her god damn knee waiting and praying of me to declare my love for her and only her.

She'll soon get a dose of reality and it will be in her benefit. Everyone needs a dose of reality.

I know somewhere in her mind she knows she's just another lay, one more notch on the bed post.

I shut the door to my office to keep her from coming in and what do I find, the most recent notch.

"You are such a predator." Amber kicks her feet up on my desk. The knot on her forehead has gone down considerably and only her wrist is wrapped.

"Shouldn't you be resting."

"I could say the same thing."

"What do you want?"

"Oh don't deny it, you were just thinking about sexing that innocent little girl."

"She's far from innocent." And I already did. Even in the situation we are in I have to smile. She would have been worth so many points.

"Oh you already did, you vixen." Amber stands up laughing. "Do you mind if I take next?" I wait for her explanation on why she is here. "I have a confession to make."

I wait for her to elaborate, knowing what she will say, they always do. If it isn't money, its me.

"I talked to your friend Olivia last night and Ms. Mahler just called to say she would be running late."

"What?" I almost hit the roof. "You did what?"

"Calm down I didn't say anything to her, but Olivia really should have been a detective. She already knew what we were up to last night."

Jesus H Christ. She's going to tell her wife who is going to tell Golden who's going to tell Blake.

"Oh don't look like that." Amber steps around the desk. "I do have good news. I did talk to Blake about an apartment around the corner from her. Now anytime you want to you can just say you're going for a jog and stop by and fuck me."

"Yea that's not going to happen, so leave."

"Don't be so mean." She tries to touch my shoulders, but I move away. "She said you two were going on a little vacation."

Blake talks entirely too much.

"But you could make it right."

"I should have known. What do you want money?" I pull out my checkbook.

"No, I want another night with you."

"No."

"You are in no position to say no to anything. Terry told me about your little talk with him. So unless you want her to find out about us or you threatening my husband we'll meet at our usual spot tomorrow night. Come see me." She saunters out the door.

I could fucking kill her. I would probably get away with it.

Blake won't forgive me either way, but I won't go down that path again.

NATALIA

"I'm surprised you're not with Doris." I join Rodney on the balcony of the penthouse.

"Needed some space. I don't want to spend my whole day watching Blake again." Rodney blows smoke in the opposite direction.

I take a seat in one of the lounge chairs.

"Are you mad?"

"Nah, I'm cool. It's good to have some separation. In college I used to just disappear sometimes because I needed some alone time." He takes another drag finally looking in my direction. His eyes are bloodshot and wide. "Before you even ask, yes I'm am high."

"Why?"

"Why not? When the cat is away the mice will play." Rodney laughs.

"Have you seen Olivia?"

"Don't worry so much. You worry too much, she's fine." The smoke the puffs out of his nose.

"Rodney you know I think you are a good guy."

"But I'm not."

"Underneath it all-"

"There is nothing under it, stop trying to make an excuse."

I know he's high so I don't take much offense. "Okay."

"Yea whatever." He continues to smoke the cigarette. "You don't know shit."

"So tell me if I don't know you?"

"Oh that's a long story."

"Lily."

"Don't fucking say her name! That dog!" Rodney yells, spittle clings to his lower lip. "We don't say her name." Rodney says a little calmer.

"I'm sorry, but we talked to her and I doubt she will ever disturb Olivia again."

"Oh we made sure of that." He laughs slapping his knee.

"Why are you laughing? What does that mean?" I know better than to take that as a simple joke. I've seen the work Doris can do in a small amount of time. I can't say Lily doesn't deserve it but I don't want another person underground because of me.

"Nothing, just thinking?" He puts the cigarette out. "We used to be so cool you know but I always saw how sadistic she was. When it was her turn, the girls always became scared."

"How many girls were there?"

"A lot and just like Olivia her parents always tried to cover for her." Rodney curls up on his side towards me. "We're all just assholes, some more than others."

"You're a good guy."

"I am. You know after David, I gave Olivia the drugs because she needed it and no one else understood it. But after her it all fell apart. Doris didn't trust anyone but Olivia knew, she knew I was a good guy."

"Yea?"

"Yea. Doris went crazy, just fucking people up who looked at her wrong, but all the time we were at each other necks over the drugs we were still friend. She's like a sister I wanna fuck." He laughs.

"I see how you all could get along, being bisexual and everything."

"Whoa, hold your horses. I'm not gay. I mean there was a few times I let Doris... you know what never mind."

I knew it. I just knew if he had sex with Doris, she was the top. I'm still curious about their sex lives especially Olivia's. "What about Olivia before David?"

"That was the first time I saw someone be murdered." Rodney stands up walking to the balcony rail. He leans over it, his hair rustled by the sudden wind. "I still have dreams about it. You should have seen the look in Doris's eyes. It was like she didn't even see him. He begged and plead but she still shot him." He turns back towards me. "The mist his blood made when she shot him, you wouldn't believe."

Never thought Doris would do her own dirty work, that's what hired help is for.

"I remember when we told her your husband tried to arrest her. I thought 'yea she's going to kill him for messing with Olivia. And that was way before he shot her."

"Olivia never met Nicholas before that night."

"Of course we did, him and Cooper tried to arrest us. Anyway I was sure she was going to have you killed."

"What are you talking about?" She wouldn't dare.

"Yea, I was surprised you were alive after the trial. You wouldn't be if it weren't for Olivia heaven." There is no laughing or winking, he's dead serious. That puts a little fright in me.

"You know she loves Olivia and not just in a friend way."

"I know."

"But we love her too, that's why we listen to her. We believe in her. She just has a way to make you see it her way."

"No me."

"That's because you're blinded by jealousy." He touches his nose then points at me. "Olivia loves you though. You would have loved her before David." This time he does laugh. "Fucking David, what an asshole. We used to have sex parties, you would have freaked, you would have hated Olivia then, maybe. Olivia has always been a bottom. She loved to be tied up and blindfolded, didn't know who was fucking her."

Rodney sit back down facing me with a gleam in his eyes. "She told me what you like to do, you know. But what you don't know is that was Olivia's thing the whole time."

Rodney lays back in his chair. He leans away from me fiddling with something on the other side of his chair.

I hear him sniff something. I don't need to see what he's doing.

He leans back placing the sun glasses over his eyes.

"You know you don't help."

"I could find a group for you."

"No, you stupid bitch."

I jump at the volume of his voice but I'm not scared. I don't think even in his inebriated state he could hurt me. He might hurt himself.

"When those ghost pass over her face you think you're helping by being there but you don't. They're your ghost, your fears, your problems." He swings his feet back towards me. "What she really needs is a good hard fuck."

"You're just being vulgar."

"Nope I'm serious. You better get on your shit because her eyes will start to wonder. She loves you though. She really does." His body goes limp and he slides out of the chair like a boneless sack onto the ground.

"Do you want help getting in the bed?"

"No I want to stay here. Stay with me." He grabs my hand rubbing it through his short hair. "I like you. Ever since I saw you at that bake sale, I thought that is a pretty woman. If Olivia didn't fuck you I would have."

He lets go of my hand but I keep combing his hair.

"Don't mind me, I'm high." In raises up pulling his head in my lap. "I'm sorry I didn't mean you were a bitch. You're very nice. Too nice."

"Get up Rodney!" Olivia's booming voice makes both of us jump.

Rodney stumbles to feet. The sweat is rolling down his face.

"You got some fucking nerves coming up here doing this shit in front of my wife." Olivia pushes past him picking up the mirror. "What the hell did I tell you?"

"I'm sorry, it's just been a rough day."

"I don't care if I catch you again I'm going to castrate you. Now go get cleaned up you and meet me in my office."

Rodney hangs his head walking off.

"You didn't have to be so harsh Olivia."

"Yes I did." Olivia sits at the foot of my chair. "That stuff can make a person unpredictable. I don't want you around him while he's high."

"I can handle myself."

"I know but if something happened to you I would never forgive him and I don't want to take a chance with the most precious thing in my life. So please be careful when he's high." Olivia kisses my forehead before walking back inside.

I follow her inside. "Okay what is going on you've been acting weird."

Olivia stops in the kitchen, rubbing her face. "I didn't tell you ever thing about the other night and it's killing me. I'll apologize to Rodney later."

"Okay but what are you not telling me." I can't jump to conclusion.

"I know what you are thinking and it's not about that."

"I wasn't." I was.

"I went to the hospital and Doris wasn't alone." Olivia takes a deep breath. "Promise not to say anything."

"Promise."

"Amber was there also and I spoke to her."

"Oh my good they're..."

Olivia nods.

"Olivia, we have to tell Blake."

"No, we don't. We need to stay out of this." Olivia shakes her head. She starts to bite the nail of her pinky.

"She deserves to know." I slap her hand away from her mouth. "Stop that."

"We can't plus she won't believe us."

Of course Blake will believe me I would want the same treatment. "I'm her friend."

"That hates her girlfriend."

"She would want to know." I would.

Olivia grabs me by my shoulders. "Think Natalia. Blake doesn't want to know. When your mother told you I was drinking how did you react?"

She's right. "What do we do?"

"Nothing." Rodney walks out of the bedroom. "Blake will come to her senses. Or Karen will snitch."

"KAREN." Olivia and I say at the same time.

"Oh you didn't know about her, who were you talking about?"

"Amber." I can't believe this. "Karen, her assistant?" This is just too much. "We have to do something."

"NO, we don't. Blake already knows, so just stay out of it." Rodney says following Olivia to the elevator. "You think she fucked Johnny boy?"

The doors open and Olivia pushes him inside. "Shut up Rodney, you're just jealous."

DORIS

"Are you just going to sit there without talking?" Blake crosses her legs under the table kicking my shin in the process.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything!" Her voice raises attracting some attention. Even Johnny and James turn towards our table.

"I have some business to take care of this week." I shrug my shoulders.

No matter what I do, whether I pay up or not Amber will eventually let it slip. Hell Karen will too. I think its best we just get this over with.

Just the thought of telling her is sending my heart into shudders. It physically hurts. There is a pain I my chest every time I think about how she will feel and what I've done. But I can't erase it so I'll just have to stand up to it.

So in layman terms it time to cut her off before she can.

I don't like it when she walks away from me, because I beg. I wasn't raised to beg or even ask for permission. It's just that Blake make me break every rule I was taught about love. It all flies out the window. And I see my mother's disappointed gaze followed by Blake tears. I hate to see her cry. It makes my eye blurry, but I refuse to cry in front of any person.

"Why are you acting so distant today. This morning," She tries to take my hand but I move them to my lap. "Do you want to break up?"

Not in the least bit. "I just need some time."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing." I stand up before I blurt it all out. "I'll meet you for dinner. I just can't right now." I kiss her cheek and walk out with Johnny in tow. John knows where he is to stay.

"We got a problem boss."

"Don't call me boss, Johnny. What is it?"

"We missed the time for the drop off."

I stop walking turning to him. "Tell them we're on our way to pick up."

"I told you we didn't have time for lunch."

I'm two seconds from choking him. "We have time for whatever I say we have time for."

Johnny combs his spiky hair with his finger "It's only half a mil in coke."

"The money is not the point Johnny you know that."

"Amber has you worried that's why you aren't focused. You want me to kill her."

"No I can't be in that mess. I'm already pushing my luck by beating those other murder raps. I just know they'll convict me for her." I turn away from him looking at the speeding car. "I can't do jail." It's not often someone out maneuvers me but I can't find a way out of this one. Karen too.

"So what are we going to do. I could break her husband's legs."

"No the only way to solve this is to take away her leverage." I take in a pained breath. It doesn't matter what I do I'm going to lose Blake.

"You okay?"

"No, I'm an asshole."

The rest of the day goes by pretty quickly. And every second was filled with Blake. The only way to maybe get out of this unscathed is to come clean. I have to tell her before she finds out, then maybe she will forgive me after some time and a lot of making up.

"You want me to drive you?" Johnny who has been stuck to my hip the whole day walks out my office with me.

It's probably not a bad ideal. I've slipped off the wagon. Needed some liquid and powdered courage. "No, you're not my boyfriend." I say jokingly but the look on his face says something else.

"I could be."
"Okay I'm going to pretend you did not just say that and then I'm going to ask you why you would say something like that when you know how much I'm dealing with right now." Jesus what is wrong with everyone today. All I need is for Olivia to call me high and drunk.

"It was just a suggestion." He starts to pout.

"Let's kill this right now. You don't love me. I'm like this female god to you because we relate, and you've never had a female role model." I squeeze his shoulder. "You have crush, that's all. It will pass."

"Okay."

"Trust me you will find some sweet young girl to chase." I walk away from him happy that he doesn't follow. "Karen I'm gone for the day."

"She left about an hour ago. I think she got an emergency phone call she seemed pretty upset."

Maybe she'll go home and be out of my hair.

The ride the restaurant was very slow but my mind is racing.

I should probably slow down, but I feel so damn good.

Blow and alcohol is cure all for emotions.

Who knows maybe I'll propose sometime in the near future. Hell I might agree to a couple of brat running around.

As soon as I enter I spot all three of my current sexually partners at a small table. Blake eyes set hard on me and Karen continues to cry on her shoulder. Amber has an evil grin plastered on her beautiful face. She done it. She beat me at my own game.

I straighten my blazer jacket and keep walking to the table. I won't let this situation be taken out of my hand by a silly school girl and an evil bitch. This is my show and I will be the star. No one out stages me.

I pull up a chair. "Ladies."

Ambers face falls slightly. "Wolfe."

I smile at her. I knew this day would come so I'm not surprised. And I won't give her the satisfaction on see me squirm.

She matched my smile almost daring me. "Maybe we should get going and let you two talk."

"Now what fun would that be?" I ignore Blake's stare setting my eyes on the easiest target. "Karen?"

She doesn't respond. It gets me instantly heated. I'm mad enough to pull her across the table. It's not her emotional state that angers me. Hell, when I was younger I showed up to plenty of dinners uninvited hoping to win a gold diggers heart. All the while their husband laughed at the kid that was professing her love for his wife. What makes me mad is she can't stand up for herself. I never backed down even when security threw me out in the gutter with a few meaningful kicks to the ribs and the serious threat of death if I ever came near her again. That never stopped me. I still stood tall.

I slap my hand against the table making her jump. "God dammit look at me!"

"Doris Wolfe!" Blake yells at me. "You're fucking high!"

Karen slowly looks up at me.

"Does this make you feel better?" She shakes her head still crying. "Are we even now?"

She shakes her head again.

"Get the fuck out of here before I have you buried in a shallow grave!"

Her chest visibly jumps, like she's choking on air.

"What is going on here?" Blake grabs my arm. "What are you…" She pauses covering her mouth with her hand.

Shit!

"Did you…you…"

"I never said anything, I swear." Karen finally speaks bursting into another round of tears.

Shit! I just told on myself. FUCK!

Ambers smiles grows bigger.

She really did it. I have to tip my hat to her.

"I just saw Karen crying and thought I would comfort her. Amber was going to take her home." Blake sits back glaring at me. She turns her stare to Karen who shrinks.

"It was my first time and we had been drinking. I never meant to hurt you." She pleds to Blake almost sliding down to her knees.

"Would you shut up already!"

"Does bullying this poor young girl make you feel better?" Blake sneers in my face. She's never been scared of me; I've always wondered why.

With all the bodies under my belt, I would fear me.

"Does it!" She throws a cup of water in my face. "You can't treat people like this! She is a child, a child! And you took something from her that meant something and that she can never get back."

I lock eyes with Karen. "It didn't mean anything."

Her tears fall faster and she starts to cry loud, sobbing into her hands. After a few seconds she runs out of the restaurant.

"What hell are you still doing here?" I growl at Amber. "Get the fuck out before I get mad."

She looks unimpressed by my threat. "I don't know why you're mad at me. I didn't say a word about us." She gets up smiling before walking away.

Blake gasp at her words. "Why would you do this?"

"What the fuck did you expect Blake?" I swipe everything off the table.

The wait staff hurries to pick things up all the while trying to be invisible.

"I don't know. I don't know." She shakes her head letting a few tears roll down her perfect cheeks before swiping them away. "Just once I thought we could have this happen. But yet again there you are standing in our way. But no more Doris. I am done with you." Yet she sits planted in her chair.

"I don't know what you want from me. I tried."

"You've always been a liar. I just don't know how you could lie to yourself." She gets up. "I hope you have a nice life with your drugs and minions."

I grab her hand before she can walk away. I want to say something. She should know I really do love her or whatever it means. She should know that, those other women never will be able to measure up to her. She's perfect, too perfect. "I'm sorry."

She pulls her hand away, ripping my chest apart. "All lies."

3 Months Later

"Blake wake up!"

I turned over burying my face in the pillow. "What?"

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Of all the nights he picks tonight to stay over.

"I think someone is breaking into our house." Brian pulls the warm covers off me.

Our house! Last time I checked it was my house, no one has ever paid a bill for me.

The sound of glass breaking jars me into action.

There is a loud bang coming from the front of the house.

Brian quietly slips out of bed. "We'll go out the window." He slips into his jeans and shoes.

I don't know if it's the drinks I consumed earlier or the fact that it's 3 AM but I refuse to be chased out my own house. No! I slowly slip out the bed but instead of following Brian I tiptoe to my closet grabbing a wooden bed.

"Blake what you doing? It's just stuff, our lives can't be replaced!"

"Go ahead and while you're running call the cops."

"Blake wait...at least give me the bat. I'll cover you while you go to the kitchen and get a knife."

More glass breaks. "At least let me call the police so they'll be on the way." Brian moves to pick up his phone on the night stand.

I hear voices which means they've made it inside.

"Tell them to hurry." I rush out the door down the hall into the living. I immediately I see a man standing in front of the broken window helping another person through.

I attacked him first. The first swing makes contact with his shoulder, the second his hip.

"OUCH! What the fuck Blake?"

Just as I'm aiming for his head I notice it's Rodney. "What the hell?" I drop the bat.

The second assailant crashes to the floor on top of the broken glass.

"Someone needs to get to the gym." Doris jokes crawling through the window. She lands on top of Olivia.

Her and Rodney start laughing hysterically. Oh good they're both high and drunk.

"Are you all serious? Look what you did to my window!" Doris somehow manages to stand up leaning against Rodney.

"Why did you change the locks on the doors?" She holds up a pair of keys that are not hers.

"I didn't and those aren't your keys."

She dangles the keys in front of her face.

"Since when did you become a LSU fan?" I point to the big purple and yellow key chain.

She burst out laughing again.

Rodney flops onto my couch. "I guess we stole someone car too."

Doris stumbles over to the couch laying her head on Rodney's knee.

"Is Olivia drunk? Natalia's gonna have a fit."

"Not one sip." Rodney answers laughing.

"Yea right. I can smell it on all of you."

Just as I'm about to throw them back out the window I noticed Doris's hand is bleeding pretty bad. "You're bleeding." I sit her up on the couch beside Rodney. "I can't believe you drove as drunk as you are."

I walk into the kitchen for my first aid kit.

"Hey I didn't drive." Rodney's hands flops knocking a lamp of the side table.

"Why does she still have a key to your place?" Brian follows me into the kitchen.

For a moment I forgot he was here. "For emergency purposes, is that okay with you?" I grab a few bandages.

Brian blocks my way into the living. "Answer me this, is she still your emergency contact?"

"Am I your emergency contact?"

His chest deflates a little. "That's not the point."

"What do you want me to do Brian let them leave and drive drunk, kill someone. Let me fix her hand and we'll talk."

I squeezed past him kneeling in front of Doris. I try to keep her still and quiet while I picked the glass out her wound.

"Ouch!"

"Oh don't be a baby. I barely touched you."

Doris leans forward kissing me by surprise. I quickly pushed her away. "No."

"It's my birthday." She drunkenly leans towards me again. "I miss you."

"It's not your birthday and no."

"If it's about him... he can join in. Rodney needs a partner."

"Hey I'm not gay." Rodney bumps Doris making me drop the tweezers.

"Would you two be still and be quiet!" I squeeze Doris injured hand making her wince.

Still she keeps talking. "What do you say Brian?"

I don't have to look to know he's pissed. "Blake can I see you for a second?"

"One moment." I wrapped the bandages around Doris's hand.

"So is he down or what?" Rodney looks almost hopeful.

"No Rodney you cannot have sex with my boyfriend." I see Doris flinch at the words. "I'll bring some blankets out."

In the bedroom Brian is still dressed, "you know I am a nice guy and quite a catch."

"You are." I agree.

"Yeah so I refuse to let you use me."

"I'm not."

"Either they go or I go."

I stare into his daring eyes. He doesn't realize it yet but I'm a slightly different person than the woman he first met. I used to need relationships to prove I didn't need her. Now I don't need either. I'll be fine by myself, even if they call me an old maid or a spinster. Even if I become a cat lady, I'll be fine all by myself.

Instead of answering him I walked to the closet.

"What are you doing?"

"I told them I would bring blankets."

"Fine if that's how you want it." He storms out a few seconds later slamming the front door shut.

All I can do is shrug.

It's three in the morning – three drunk adults are in my living room and my boyfriend just stormed out, feels like college.

I take the blanket out living room dropping them on the couch.

"Where'd he go?" Rodney spread a blanket over Olivia's leg.

"None of your business."

Rodney gets under the blanket with Olivia. "Would have be fun."

Doris sits on the edge of the couch staring at me intently. "Can we talk?"

Because we've been doing this dance for some time now, I already know what she wants to say.

Any other time I would say no and I would feel empowered by her dejected look. But it's 3 am and I don't feel like fighting the feeling right now.

"Come on." I take her to the bedroom.

I don't even bother to close the door before turning to her. She holds on tight to me.

I can feel her heart beating. We end up on the bed as I remove her clothes. She tries to kiss me but I turned away and push her flat on the bed. With no time to waste I slip my finger between her legs. I taste her skin and move further down so my fingers and lips meet.

It only takes a few lashes of my tongue before her legs being to give me more access. Her hand tangles in my hair. The body under me arches, strained to its limits. I replaced my fingers with my tongue just to feel her body contact release more of her natural lubrication and I stayed there drinking her in. The spasms dissipate to nothing. I moved to lay beside her and again she tries to kiss me and again I turn away.

When I turned back to her, she stares at me with feelings I don't know if she's capable of showing. So I move away because I can't get sucked into that again.

She stays persistence her hand coming under my shirt as much as I want to and I stop her every single angle.

"I can't." I whisper pushing her hands away.

"You mean you won't." She whispers back her hands covering her body.

I pull her hand to my lips kissing each digit, before sliding between her legs. The heat there is intoxicating.

"Are you going to fuck me again?"

She's angry, trying to push my buttons. I pause to think about it. I want to taste her again make her come with her on my lips and my name on hers. I want to stay here forever.

I've come to realize that that can't happen she won't let it. Instead she'll tease me with the offer of heat but leave me in the cold and expect me not to find shelter not to find happiness abandoned in the snow. I've learned to create my own heat. I build fires and put them out when I want to and is time to extinguish this one.

"No." I crawl away standing on my own two feet. I pick up her clothes handing them to her. "I want my window fixed."

She sits on the side of the bed. "Blake wait."

A crash from the living room interrupts whatever lies she was about to tell. "Tell them to stop breaking my things." I take her by the elbow leading her to the door.

Exposed, she stands there clutching her clothes. "Why are you doing this?"

I close the door without answering, I don't owe her an explanation.

With only two hours of sleep I rise with the sun expecting the Three Musketeers to have disappeared instead they are still on my floor wrapped around each other.

There was never any space for anyone else, there never will be.

By the time the first one stirs I'm dressed and on my 2nd cup of coffee.

"When did you get here?" Rodney wipes his eyes. He gets up with a notable bugle in his boxers.

"This is my house."

He follows my eyes. "Like what you see?"

I simply smile at him I know how to fix his his mouth. "Doris!"

"no no no no I'm sorry"

"What? Jesus Christ." Doris sits up still naked.

I can't help but wonder if they've had sex on my floor.

"Nothing!" Rodney quickly answers silently pleading with me.

I take one more last sip of my coffee before pouring it down the drain. "I have a meeting this morning."

"We're going." The mayor of this great city drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom with no clothes on.

"You know she's mad." Rodney pours himself a cup of coffee.

"You know I don't care."

"Bull shit. You're telling me you took her back there and licked her dry because you don't care or is that just to get back at hubby."

"What's it to you?" He's always been so jealous.

"They always say you can't trust bisexuals." He shakes his head.

"Fuck you." Olivia mumbles from under the mountain of blankets.

"You haven't been bisexual in a long time." Rodney waves her off.

"I'm guessing you can't say the same thing yourself."

Rodney just glares at me. It's never been a secret the way he let Doris mount him in college its no wonder he didn't choose the other side.

"Where are you going all dressed up?" Olivia sticks her head out.

"Some of us have jobs. Not everyone can suck off our parents teat." I stare Rodney down.

"You're just jealous and I'll have you know I'm a consultant." Rodney sticks his tongue out.

"Is that what they are calling drug dealers now?"

"What is it with you two and talking this early in the morning? My head is pounding." Olivia disappears back under the covers.

"Don't you have a family to get to?"

"As soon as someone tells me how I got here." Olivia sits up wiping her face.

"You three assholes broke my window."

"Why are you in such a bad mood this morning?" Olivia stands up yawning.

"Oh I don't know maybe because three drunk idiots woke me up at 3 AM." I snap at her.

"I am not drunk and I wasn't drinking." She obviously lying.

"Three? Where the hell is Johnny and Bailey?" Rodney hands Olivia a cup of coffee.

Olivia shrugs her shoulders sipping from the mug. She frowns at the cup before looking at me with a serious expression "Did you know?"

"Know what?"

"Nothing. I'll be out of your hair after coffee?" She sits on the couch staring into space.

Speaking of getting out my hair where'd Doris disappear?

I find her sitting on my bed with a towel wrapped around her.

"What are you doing?" I asked stepping further into the room closing the door.

"Just thinking."

"About what?" I stand between her legs.

"Us." She looks up at me with an innocence she hasn't possessed in a long time.

With one finger I unhook the towel letting it fall around her waist. "Funny I was thinking the same."

I tried to push her flat but she resisted leaving a wet handprint on the front of my shirt.

"I'm serious I want to talk."

"No you want to fuck."

"I want to apologize."

"We both know it's too late for that." Tentatively I traced the outline of her nipple with two fingers. I watch it harden under my ministration.

"You said it could never be too late."

I dropped to my knees. "I'm a liar just like you."

She closes her eyes at my accusation.

I wrap my lips around her nipple, her back automatically arches her legs wrapped around my torso. I suck harder electing moan.

She steadied herself with one hand propped up on the bed the other on my shoulder. I take the opportunity to explore even though I know exactly where every curve, opening and nerve is.

Doris pants as I dance around the nerve.

"Blake please."

She slides her body to the edge of the bed until I can take her into my mouth. I feel her moving in unison with my tongue. I listen to her spur me on taking her body to its peak, wrapping my arm around her thighs to keep her in place as she bucks spilling onto my lips. Finally, she tries to move away I keep her there nipping, licking, and kissing different spots just to hear her coo.

"Blake hubby's here!" Rodney yells from the front on the house.

I kiss her softness one last time before standing up straightening my clothes and hair.

"Where are you going?" Doris sits up pulling the towel to her chest.

"Brian and I are going to have breakfast." I reapply my lipstick. "I'll be right out." I yell out the door.

"Are you breaking up with him?"

"Why would I do that?" I turned from the mirror. Doris truly looks confused as to why wouldn't break up with Brian.

"Because of us!"

"There is no us."

"We just had sex."

"And that is all it was."

"What if I told him?"

"Trust me he already knows. Listen," I walked back to her "let's not sully this moment. We had fun and now I have to go."

Confusion still seems to cloud her eyes. "I'll do anything."

"But I'm not asking for anything." She always accused me of trying to control her and now I'm not.

I kiss her stopping another lie. "Trust me. It's better this way." I leave walking down the hall.

Rodney is standing in nothing but his too small boxers eating cereal with milk dribbling down his chin and chest.

"Sorry about that." I apologize to Brian grabbing my purse.

"You gotta be kidding me." Brian rolls his eyes looking over my shoulder.

Doris is standing in nothing but the towel wrapped around her body.

Brian shakes his head walking out the front door.

"Real mature Doris. I want my window fixed." I walk after Brian only to find a wrecked car parked in my grass. The passenger-side door is completely gone along with the front bumper and front wheels.

Bailey and Johnny and sitting on the hood of the car with blood on the front of both of their shirts.

"Hey cuz."

I don't even bother. If they want to follow Doris to an early grave, it's none of my business.

Brian is quiet the whole way he doesn't say a word until we sit down. "I knew what I was getting into." He sighs.

I'm an asshole. I know that, but to be fair I never promised him monogamy.

"I did, so I can't blame it all on you." He sighs again. "And I know I can't control who your friends are."

Frank never understood that.

"So I propose we just be friends."

"If that's what you want." I take his soft hand into mine. They are small and soft like a woman's hand but hold a lot of strength.

"What do you want?" He asks as if I know.

"I don't know but I do know I really like you."

"And I really like you and don't want to lose you."

"I know you don't really believe me but that was the first time since you and I got back together."

"Really?"

"I swear."

He kisses my hand. "We've been together for a while."

"We have."

"And I really do think I love you a lot." He averted his eyes. He's always has had a boyish charm about him. "I'm going to stick to my promise. You just let me know when you're ready." He pulls his hands away stroking his graying stubble.

"I'm really close."

"Yeah?"

I take his hand pulling him behind me through the breakfast crowd.

I walked to the women's bathroom trying to pull him inside.

"Blake?"

"Come on, be a little adventurous." I pull him inside the room locking the door.

"I could be arrested."

"We both could." I unbutton his blue jeans. "What do you want me to do?" I try to muster some excitement.

"Whatever you want."

It's not the answer I'm looking for, sometimes being spontaneously sexy goes right over his head.

He's brain might be slow but a part of him is at full attention.

"How about you do whatever you want to do." I turn around leaning over the white porcelain sink at the same time I hike up my skirt.

He takes his time pulling my underwear down the next thing I feel it his tongue.

"No, no." I straighten up. "I don't want that. this is for you. This is for us." I would have stayed with Doris if I wanted cunnilingus. "I want you to take me."

"okay"

I bend over waiting.

"I just don't want to hurt you."

Jesus Christ! "You won't hurt me."

I gasped and moaned as he entered me, that always gets him like I can handle his member. Men are too easy, I guess women are too.

He starts out slow building up speed.

I just wait and stare at a spot on the sink counter. I don't like watching myself having sex. Never been into the whole mirror thing or the sex tapes. I just need my imagination and my senses. But right now it's hard to think of anything besides this morning.

"Did you cum yet?"

"Yes."

"Good." He speeds up. "I'm gonna cum."

"Cum inside me." The comment surprises me.

He grips hips to the point of pain and groans.

After a minute or two he stands up buttoning his jeans. "You want me to go get you the morning after pill."

While I straighten my skirt I try to find words. "Do you want children?" I've never given a real thought to having a child. My career was too important and now I don't know.

His eyebrows raise. "You just cheated on me."

"I know but what if I hadn't?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "If I thought you would be faithful in a marriage then yes I would want them with you."

"Really?"

He grins washing his hands. "Yea, I could definitely see kids in our future."

"Me too."

"But I just can't see that doing now. I am starting to have very strong feelings for you. Its things like last night that make me have second thoughts about us. I don't want to put a child through that."

"I can be faithful."

"You've said that before."

"Probably a million times but I mean it. So, can we finally make this official?"

"Very."

"Good."

Natalia

Los Angeles. I should be excited. But I'm not. This is supposed to be grown up weekend. Not even Olivia trying to undress me is lightening my mood.

Doris is grating my nerves and Rodney is not making matters better.

They're both high along with Johnny.

So no, I'm not happy but they aren't the reason why.

"So we'll meet back here in about 2 hours for lunch." Doris starts passing out room keys.

She hands Olivia the key pulling her off to the side.

"I really need this weekend. I have been so stressed." Lindsey wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "We are going to spa all weekend. Not to mention we might get on the front page of a magazine if we play our cards right."

"There are going to be some many celebrities at the party." Blake walks over to us, leaving Brian to stew alone. "I can't wait to meet Chef Kim. Doris said she booked him for a private dinner for us."

Everyone is so excited except me and Brian. Even Jaime is looking around in awe.

"Are you ready to go up?" Olivia takes my hand leading me to the elevator. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Well, we have the honeymoon suite. And after lunch we can do whatever we want."

Even that proposition isn't enough to lift my spirits.

The elevator stops. "Come on I have a big surprise for you." Olivia pulls me down the hall to our room. She swipes the key card. "Go ahead."

I open the door to two women sitting half naked on our bed.

"Are you serious Olivia!"

"Wha….I…no." One of the women jump off the bed running up to Olivia and kissing her.

She has the nerve to kiss my wife on the lips in front of me.

I can see nothing but red. I don't think I've ever been so angry. I honestly could strangle both of them in this room.

Instead I walk out of the room.

"Natalia wait!"

I take the stairs to the next level, where Blake and Lindsey's rooms are.

Luckily everyone is still standing in the hallway talking. "Natalia what are you doing?"

"Blake I need to stay with you."

"Sure, what's going on?"

Olivia chooses that moment to burst from the stairwell. "Natalia wait."

"Don't say anything to me Olivia! I can't believe you would think I would want something like that."

"I didn't I swear!" Olivia takes a step forward but Blake blocks her path. "Natalia please. That's not the surprise I was talking about."

"Wait what is going on?" Lindsey steps between us all.

"There are two women in our room. On our bed. Half naked."

"So what's the problem?" Jaime jokes.

"Not the time babe." Lindsey unlock their door and directs her into the room. "What the hell?" Lindsey yells. A few seconds later she is pushed two half naked women out of her room.

They're both in their panties and bra. One is holding a robe to cover herself.

Blake hurries to open her room and again two women are pushed into the hallway in their underwear.

"Oh my God! Olivia?" One of the women from Blake room steps to Olivia. "Don't you remember me! It been like 50 years."

"I…" Olivia look towards me.

"Remember we went skinny dipping that time. Oh what was her name…Candy! She introduced us. That time we had that threesome was so fun. Where is your room? Come on girls it's time to party."

The women all line up in front of Olivia expecting to be lead away.

"I'm married."

"So?" The woman turns and looks at me. "Her?"

I almost blow my top at her comment. What really irritates me is she looks better that me.

She's also Hispanic with long brown hair. The face has no signs of age. Her body is Hollywood perfect. No hair, fat or marks to be seen.

I know I'm not over weight but I don't look like her. And that irritates me the most that I probably couldn't compete looks wise.

"What the hell is going on here?" Doris and her two side kicks along with a man in a suit storm off the elevators.

"I'm sorry I'm going to have to ask you all to quiet down, there have be complaints."

"Doris tell Natalia I have nothing to do with this." Olivia slide past the women and Blake to stand next to me.

"Nothing to do with what?" Doris seem honestly confused.

"These damn prostitutes you let in everyone's room." Blake yells over the chatter of the women.

"I didn't. Why would I get women for you Blake. Maybe for Jaime and Lindsey but you?" Doris laugh off the accusation.

God I hate her.

"Tillman, tell her."

The man pulls out his tablet tapping the screen a couple of time. "I am so sorry Ms. Wolfe there has been a mix up." He looks like he's about to piss himself. "It just that the last time you were here you demand rose on the bed in all your room. And I quote 'By roses I mean pussy and a lot of it.' All the rooms are in your name."

"That sounds about right." Johnny jokes.

"It does." Doris agrees. "Well since your already here you might as well earn your pay."

Doris pushes past everyone down the hall. She opens her door ushering the women inside. "Instead of lunch let's do dinner." Rodney and Johnny hurry into the room before the door closes.

"See, I had nothing to do with that?" Olivia walks towards me.

"I'm sorry. I know I over reacted." I have to get myself under control. This mood is putting a damper on everything. We're supposed to be have a great weekend with no kids or real work.

God knows I love my son but I can't get two full minutes with my wife without him interrupting. It will be nice to be by ourselves.

Once back in the room, my mood is still the same.

"You want to tell me what wrong?" Olivia sits on the bed next to me. "You'll been acting strange and distant for the last week."

"Nothing I'm fine."

"Really because you've barely spoke a full sentence since we left home." She moves closer to my side. "Or maybe we should do something besides talk." Her fingers walk up my shoulder and tickle the hair on the back of my neck.

It doesn't feel good or arouse me in anyway. "I can't right now."

"Is it because of the women because I swear I didn't know."

"No, it's not that. I'm just agitated."

"You want to take a nap?"

"Do I look like I'm a child?" I snap at her.

Olivia stands up from the bed.

"I'm sorry Olivia. I didn't mean to snap at you." I would love nothing more than to take her up on her offer but I can't. It irritates me even more to not know why I'm irritated in the first place.

This funk has been around all week. I'm lying I know why I'm mad. I've been mad for two weeks after Olivia missed my doctor's appointment and then didn't come home.

"It's okay. I think I'm going to hit the gym." Olivia moves the luggage stacked in the corner.

"Olivia, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. You need some time to think and I need to keep myself occupied for a little while." She moves to the bathroom, closing the door.
The last couple of months have been really good. Olivia is more affectionate. We've started gradually having sex again. Sure it was a tough long road but we made it. We are stronger for it and now.

Olivia walks out of the bathroom. "I'll be back in about an hour. I love you."

I put my mood aside. Stopping Olivia at door, I pull her to my body to mine. "I love you more." I kiss her cheek moving to her lips. She deepens the kiss backing me up to the door.

Her hand moved to cup my breast over my shirt. Her lips move to my neck. She knows how much I love it.

"Olivia wait."

"Sorry." She takes a step back. "Just a lot of pent up energy."

"It's okay. You've always had a lot of energy. One of the many things I love about you." I take her hand kissing her knuckle. Hopefully some time alone will help my mood. Maybe tonight I will be able to show Olivia how much I love her.

OLIVIA

What the hell does a lot of energy mean?

I've been trying to figure that out for the last 45 minutes. A lot of energy, just another way of saying I am a slut. Oh yes, I know every code word.

I know exactly what she means. Or do I?

No I don't. It's my brain correcting itself. Jumping to conclusion.

I have to remember that.

I don't want to continue to take drugs so I have to keep myself in check. I have to rethink and analysis things so I can prove I don't need the medication.

My phone rings again and I already know who it is.

"Hello Rafe." I open the facetime app.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"I'm running on the treadmill."

"Why are you working out of vacation." He immediately starts scarfing down a bag of chips.

"Relaxes me."

"Why couldn't I come. I don't have school or anything."

"Rafe please. Your mother and I just want a little alone time. Plus we will be attending an adult party." I turn the treadmill off trying to catch my breath. "I'm sure you and Brittany will find something to do."

"But I'm bored now." He whines, still chewing on potato chips. "I would have stayed in the room."

"Come on buddy. I'll take you some where next weekend. Just you and me." Wiping my face with a towel, I realize I'm happy he called.

"Fine. Adult parties? Are you going to drink?"

"No, I'm going to stay sober because I love you."

He hides his smile behind the bag of chips. "You better not." He whispers.

"Rafe play with us." Brittany enters the picture. "Hi, Olivia."

"Hi. Where is Emma?" Might as well head back upstairs to see if Natalia is in a better mood.

"Rafe is supposed to be finding us." Brittany takes the phone. "Bye."

"Wait!" The phone cuts off before Rafe can continue.

He'll be okay. A little separation will do us both some good. I love my son to death, but he can be a little much so times. I just would be nice to miss him sometime.

"Mrs. Spencer?"

"Yes?"

A very young Latina woman walks over to the elevators where I am waiting. She almost looks too young to work. Maybe is the low-cut mint green shirt that matches her contacts. Or maybe it's the thin strip of cloth she is calling a skirt.

"Hi, I'm Trina."

"Hello Trina. What can I do for you?" I take the towel wiping the sweat off my neck. Doris would love this woman.

"I work here and I was just wondering if I could convince you to try our spa this evening." She deliberately squeezes her arms together to put her breast on full display.

"I'll have to check with my wife." I cut her short before she can make any more helpful suggestions.

"Of course." With a smirk she walks away back to the front desk.

Back in the hotel room Natalia is sleeping.

She's beautiful especially when she is sleeping. An angel sent down to earth to save us all from ourselves.

I'll just take a shower and go visit with everyone else. Maybe when she wakes up she'll be in a better mood.

Doris continues her story. But all I can think about is how high she is. A some point we will have to address her current behavior. "So the next thing I know Hannah is"

"Wait is that the blonde or the redhead?" Lindsey interrupts Doris's story.

"The redhead. So, she's standing on the night stand-"

"Wait why are you telling us this. No one wants to know." It's Blake's turn to interrupt.

"She doesn't speak for us." Jaime speaks up.

Her and Lindsey have been all ears and eyes.

I know Jaime and Doris have slept together. I don't know if Lindsey or Blake knows.

Either way Blake better keep an eye on the situation. They have been spending a lot of time together. I know for a fact Lindsey and Jaime have no quims about those partiers in the bedroom.

"It's okay. I'll tell you later." Doris says, which is very strange. It's unlike her to care who doesn't want to hear about her sexcapades.

At least Brian look relieved.

I honestly don't know why he agreed to come on this trip.

No I do know why he came on this trip.

I do understand his actions. He's just trying to keep the thing he loves from the person she loves.

Still it's a waste of energy if he is trying to keep them apart. I hope he understands, even if he shadowed Blake for the rest of his life there is no way to keep her away from Doris.

Still I understand. I would have followed Natalia to the end of the earth even if she was still married.

"Where is Natalia?" Rodney smacks a waitress butt as she walks past him.

"She's was still sleep. I left her a note in case she woke up."

"You put her to sleep already?" Rodney high fives Johnny, both of them laughing.

"Rodney be good." Doris shots him a warning glare. She leans over the empty chair between us, "Everything okay?"

"Yea. Just still trying to adjust."

"Well you know I'm here to help." She squeezes my arm.

"Now that's my job." Trina the hostess from earlier stands next to our table. "I hope I don't have to worry." She leans down resting her forearms on the back of the chair.

"Oh you have nothing to worry about." Doris's eyes are focused on the half open shirt. I doubt she would notice if a Trina grew fangs and bit her.

"Good I would hate to be jobless." Trina takes it on herself to sit in the empty chair. "While we are on my job why don't I invite all of you to visit our spa. It's the best in town. Not to mention they take special request."

"They? So you aren't a masseuse?" Doris's eyes have not left her breast yet. She just might be holding a conversation with them instead of Trina.

"No but I would not object to joining you all for a little fun." She turns towards me, slyly sliding her hand under the tablet to Doris's thigh. "Is you wife not feeling well?"

"I'm fine." Natalia appears standing behind Trina, who is quick to give up the seat.

Maybe it's my fucked up brain or not but I swear I see Natalia check her out.

"That's good because I was just telling everyone about our state of the art spa." Trina pulls Natalia's chair out.

Natalia actually smiles at Trina. "That's sounds lovely."

"Oh, it is. Trust me people come from all over the world to be treated here. Relaxation is our specialty."

To my surprise Natalia holds a conversation with Trina. They even move away from the table and continue to talk.

I can't stop looking at them. The way Trina leans closer to Natalia like she can't hear her.

I know it's just a tactic, she's a sales person. She's just out front to catch peoples eye and their wallets. Still she is standing way too close to my wife with all her fake charm and breast.

"Wolfe?"

"What?"

"What's that?" I point towards Natalia and Trina.

"Two people talking? And stop where you are right now. You know she wouldn't cheat on you. Plus, why would that gorgeous full-bodied woman want her instead of me." Doris grab my hand trying to distract me. "If it will make you feel better." She gets up joining their conversation.

Within seconds Natalia leave them and takes her seat.

"It's about time you showed up. I'm hungry as shit." Rodney sips on his drink staring past Natalia.

"Shut up Rodney." Blake scoffs at him.

While they bicker at each other I sit beside my wife trying to figure out her mood. It's not like her to pass a chance to throw a dirty look at Rondey. Was she interested Trina?

I've been trying to have sex with her for three days and I keep getting rebuffed.

She never turns down sex.

Natalia goes so far as to turn around in her seat a few times to look at the hostess still talking to Doris.

"Natalia?"

"Yea?"

"You know I had nothing to do with earlier. I don't even remember that woman." I turn my chair towards her keeping my voice low.

"Olivia, it's fine." She says without even looking at me.

"Since it looks like we're going to be here a while I'm getting something else to drink." Rodney waves the waitress over. Another busty woman that has Natalia's attention.

For five minutes every one holds small talk and yet Natalia still hasn't looked at me. Maybe I'm being an attention whore but it would be nice to get a glance.

The waitress comes back with the drinks. She stands between Natalia and I setting them on the table. "Are you sure you don't want anything? The bartender makes a mean margarita." She turns to me.

"No, I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Carl said everything is on the house so if it's anything you want just say the word and you can have it."

Lindsey fakes a cough. "I think we're all good."

When she leaves Natalia's eyes follow her. She bites her lip before turning around. "She's friendly." She deadpans before taking one more look.

This time the woman is bent over wiping off a table.

I clear my throat finally getting her attention. "Is there anything you want?"

"Dinner would be nice." Her eyes find a spot on the table and stay planted.

Rodney quickly throws back the two drinks in front of him and takes Lindsey drink. "Well someone grab Romeo and lets spilt." He chugs her martini. "I'm going out for a smoke."

Johnny quickly follows him out the door. The urge to follow hits me with a vengeance. I need something to quiet these voices.

When we arrive to the resultant I feel just a bit better. Natalia held my hand the whole car ride.

I guess without distraction I'm a little more appetizing.

I don't mind, I get it. She never slept with another woman, she must wonder.

Beside me she steals little glances in my direction. Maybe it's because my hand is sliding up her thigh. Or maybe she's making sure I'm not stealing sips from Doris's drink.

The blush creeping up her neck says the first.

The loud laughs of drunk women catch my attention.

"What the hell I thought you rented out the whole place." Lindsey complained setting her menu down.

"I did, I invited these women. They've earned it." Doris smiles waving at the women who settle across the open floor.

It's the women who occupied our room earlier.

Natalia's eyes are once again preoccupied.

I squeeze her leg gaining her attention. "Follow me." I whisper in her ear. Against my lips I feel her shiver. "Excuse me." I leave the table walking to the bathroom.

30 seconds pass and I almost give up on her coming.

Just as I'm about to give up Natalia walks into the rest room. "What's wrong?"

I don't want to talk. Instead I pull her to me kissing her for all I'm worth, which probably isn't much.

She quickly catches up taking the lead.

"Oh God." My back hits the stall wall with a loud. I try to get a little space but Natalia is having none of it.

Her hand is already up my skirt, her teeth graze over a sore spot on my neck which I know is going to be a noticeable hickey.

I won't deny I want this from the moment we walked into the restaurant I've been aching to get her alone. And just because I know my wife I already know her next words are about my outfit.

"So sexy." Referring to my stockings.

I try to just focus on my breathing not her words just in case she unknowingly utters a trigger word.

"Are you okay?" Natalia halts what she is doing trying to get my attention. As annoying as it is I love her for it. No matter how into it she is she always stops to ask permission. I do appreciate it, sometimes is just reminds me why we're both so hesitant.

And even now when the feeling is fleeing I won't say no.

I think somewhere in her mind she knows that fact.

But consciously she takes my answer at face value.

"Yes." I haven't said no to her in a while partly because 90% of the time I know I will relax and have amazing sex with my wife. The other part can't stand to see the hope die, the disappointment always appears in her eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Every time I say yes, her eyes light up.

Her hands move higher, her mouth is tasting every inch of exposed skin.

I have to bite my lip from screaming stop. Breath in and out.

I feel my skirt being bunched up around my waist even in a rush Natalia is slow. With Lily there would be no foreplay, she wouldn't ask.

By the time the door closed she would be inside me telling me how much of a whore I was or how good it felt to make me hurt.

Natalia says something into my neck.

"What'd you say?"

"I said you feel so good. I love you so much." She repeats, her hand at some point or another making its way under my underwear.

I almost push her away.

"I want to taste you." She begins to sink down to her knees.

"No." I need to see her eyes. I need to see they're brown not gray, blue or green. If I can't see her then I can't be sure.

"What's wrong?" Again, her touch falters.

"I want to look into your eyes."

Natalia smiles because she's such a sap. But I need it. My mind will rebel If I can't see her.

Instead of focusing on her hands I focus on her face. The laugh lines that will become clearer in time. Her perfect eyebrows, her eyes and the glow behind them. How her pupils dilate at the slightest sound I make. The way her lips are partially parted in concentration.

The feeling comes like a sneaky freight train.

Her lips turn into a smile as I buck against her hand. I close my eyes letting the feeling wash over me and those gray eyes appear. I opened my eyes the brown irises.

"If you two can get off each other for two seconds the food is getting cold." Blake's voice booms through the empty bathroom.

Natalia freezes like a deer caught in headlights. As soon as she steps away a chill runs through my bones.

"I guess we better get out there." With that she steps outside the stall. I hear the water run, the paper torn from the roll and tossed in the trash.

I can't move. My body is too stiff.

"Olivia?"

"Coming!"

The door closes with a loud thud jumpstarting my muscles. I walked out of the stall trying to fix my clothes. Natalia is very slick or I need to pay more attention. All the buttons of my shirt are undone.

I want to laugh but I can't because all hear is Lily's voice. I can't help but compare Natalia and her personalities. They couldn't be more different except for their insatiable lust.

When she was in particular mood Lily would tell me how disgusting I was. How much of a whore I was and how pathetic I was for wanting to cuddle. I know Natalia would never say those words unless pushed.

The worry and disappointment when she encounters a past fling. Even if I never slept with them there's a look she has while she wonders what I did or if I would again. It's almost like the look she gave the waitress except that look had a bit of lust attached to it.

I button my shirt and pull my skirt down, all the while refusing to look in the mirror. I don't want to see the person staring back. It doesn't matter if I look or not the voices are still there getting louder and louder.

I walk out to our table and the chatter stops. Everyone looks at me except Natalia.

"Damn Natalia, are you a vampire?" Rodney jokes.

I touch the spot on my neck.

I take a look at Doris and she knows I'm on the edge.

Wait am I on the edge? I feel like I've already jumped off the ledge.

There's nothing under my feet. I don't feel like Natalia is there or maybe she never was. Maybe Lily was right. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Doris elbows Rodney who gives me an apologetic look. When I take my seat beside Natalia she still doesn't look at me. Instead she focuses on eating one French fry at a time. Every five seconds or so her eyes jump to the women across the room.

No one but Lindsey and Doris will meet my eyes. They must have all high-fived when she came out. I'm sure she told them, she tells them everything.

I'm sure she told them how I begged for it. Told them all how I came on demand, like a good little girl. Like the good little whore I am.

She and Lily must have had a great laugh at my expense. She probably told Lily she could have me while she was away. Why else would she leave me with her? That's why she never believed me. She already knew what was going to happen.

My phone begins to buzz on the table and at the same time I feel Doris staring daggers at me.

Jaime whispers something in Natalia's ear. They both laugh and Natalia whispers something back. I know she's talking about me.

My phone vibrates again.

I pick it up reading a message from Doris. It simply reads 'outside'.

She stands up excusing herself.

"I have to take this." I stand up looking down at Natalia.

Her smile fades when she finally looks up at me. "Olivia?"

I want to tell her she doesn't have to whisper. I've always known how she felt, how everyone feels. She doesn't have to worry about other people, I'm hers. I would do anything for her. Anything she asked I would do.

"Baby?"

I sit back on the edge of my seat. This needs to be said. "You don't have to whisper. I already know." I take her hand. "I know you knew…what would happen but I don't care. I know what you think but that's not true. I-"

Doris pulls me out of my seat before I can tell her the rest. She pulls me out of the front doors pushing me up against the wall. "What was that about?"

The short walk has taken my breath away. I can't breathe. "What did she say?"

"What? When? Who?"

"Natalia! What did she say when she sat back down?"

"Breathe!" Doris hold my shoulders against the wall.

I try to focus on my lungs. They don't cooperate, not until I get a straight answer.

"When she came out what did she say about me?!" I pant, static growing around my brain.

"Nothing she just sat down acting shy like she always does!"

She's lying like always. "I know about Lily!"

Whatever she was about to say gets caught in her throat. She lets my shoulders go.

"I saw her. I talked to her. She told me-"

"Whatever she said was a lie Olivia. You know that. She just lies to try to get in your head."

"Oh, you're honest Abe?"

"She can't hurt you now."

"You should have told me! I've been waiting two weeks for you to tell me what I already know."

"How…" Doris shakes her head waving her hair around her shoulders. "What would it have changed!"

"Olivia?" Lindsey walks out the building. "What's going on?"

We both halt our conversation.

"She wants to know what Natalia said when she came back to the table." Doris covers.

"What do you think she said?" Lindsey says in her calm voice. It's the condescending voice she uses when she is trying to get in my head.

"What did she say!?" I just want a straight answer.

"Nothing, tell her!"

"Olivia, Natalia didn't say anything. Why do you think she did?" That voice again.

"Because…"

Doris starts walking in circle waiting for my answer.

"Because she left…I don't know she thinks I'm a whore." My face feels hot and I know I'm crying.

Lindsey shakes her head. "You know Natalia loves you. She would never say or think those things about you."

"For god sakes Olivia, ask everyone she didn't say anything!" Doris stops pacing.

"But Lily said-"

"I just told you I took care of it!"

"Let her talk!" Lindsey raise her voice stepping between Doris and me.

"You're not her therapist!"

"And you're not her wife!" Lindsey shouts then she pauses. "What exactly do you mean you took care of Lily?"

"Oh, fuck off!"

I let them argue drying my face. I walk back to the table not listening to any pleasantries, "Can we go?"

"Are you okay, you have eaten all day." Natalia stands up stepping closer to me.

"I'm not hungry. I'll get it to go." I take a step back. I need space.

Her eyes are full worry.

Is she worried I fucked Doris outside or that the rest of the night may not go the way she wants.

"I want to go back to our room alone."

Now her eyes brighten. Another story she can tell. "Are you sure?"

Am I sure, of course not. "Yes."

We spent the whole ride back to the hotel on opposite side of the car.

I've been trying to hype myself up to go through with tonight. I can't let Lily keep derailing my life. I promised myself she wouldn't and I haven't let her presence get to me.

I almost have to drag Natalia up to our room. As soon as her feet step over the threshold I kiss her pulling at the shoulder of her dress.

I want to feel her skin against mine, I need to hear her chanting my name. I need to feel something besides the ghost hands around my wrist.

"Wait." She slips my grasp before I can lay her on the bed.

"Shh." I stop her lips with my finger. "I'm going to slip into something a little comfier." I grab my bag shutting the door behind me. I feel like I've run a marathon. Or maybe the oxygen in the room has been sucked out either way I think I'm going to pass out.

I can't stop my hands from trembling. It takes so long to get out my clothes I almost give up.

I wonder what she's doing out there. Probably praying I don't back out at the last moment.

I can almost guarantee she has bought her bag of toys. Just can't wait to fuck me into submission.

I know what people like her and Lily want, they want Cherry. They want a naughty good girl. I slip the high heels on after squeezing into the tight red fishnet bodysuit. She's never seen this one.

Even found a crotchless one. I reapply my makeup and add a little lube just in case I can't get into it.

The picture in the mirror catches my attention. I've become everything they said I would.

"Showtime."

NATALIA

Waiting is the worst. My mother always told me I was impatient. I was in a hurry to grow up, run away and get married.

I have to agree with her. I hate to wait. I especially hate waiting for Olivia to come out the bathroom.

Tonight, I have to listen for her movements and little by little I've been able to calm down.

But I know she is cracking around the edges and she doesn't want to ask for help.

Lindsey is the only reason I didn't follow her and Doris outside. I trust her judgement.

But when I saw her and Doris arguing outside I knew I had to do something tonight. I don't want Olivia to relapse because of my inaction.

I hear her move towards the door. At the same time, I run to the bed and turn on the television.

Another minute passes before she graces me with her presence.

God she had to wear something so sexy it renders me speechless. She is a great manipulator, but my defenses are up and all her attempts will bounce off a steel wall of resolve.

"What are you doing?" Her eyes zero in on my scooby doo pajamas.

"What do you mean?" I feign ignorance when really I just want to see her in all her glory for a few more seconds.

"You're supposed to be getting dressed." Her face turns ashen. "Is this some kind of joke to you?"

"Nononono." I scramble of the bed slowly approaching her. "I know something is wrong. I've felt it since we left home. I thought if I gave you space maybe you would come to me when you figured it out. But it's clear whatever is bothering you has not worked itself out so please talk to me."

Olivia starts to back up into the bathroom and I follow her until we are standing in the massive room.

She takes a few more steps backwards. She grabs the complimentary bathroom wrapping it around her shoulders.

"Sometimes I wish you were like everyone else."

"What kind of wife would that make me?"

Someone knocks on the door distracting both of us from the loud silence.

"Just please wait." I tell her backing to of the room.

Of course I already know who's at the door. I don't even have to look through the peep hole. "What?" I open the door just a crack.

"I came to speak to Olivia." Doris tries to push her way inside.

I put my shoulder against the door. "No. Why don't you get drunker?" I can smell the liquor like she's been bathing in it.

She stops standing almost looking stunned.

I close the door because there are bigger things to take care of right now.

In the bathroom Olivia is sitting the tub with the bath robe still on. The tub is larger than the one in the penthouse. A family of five could probably fit in inside it.

"Do you want to go out there and talk."

"No."

"Okay." I climb in the tub sitting on the opposite side. "Was it about earlier?"

She doesn't answer, so I take that as a yes. "Sorry I should have…"
"Would you stop apologizing?" She whispers.

Still I can't gauge her mood.

"Should I have stopped?"
"No, I wanted you so bad." She smiles staring at nothing.

I smile back even thought I know there is a but coming. "But?"

Olivia shake her head. "But nothing I wanted you the minute we stepped into the restaurant." She shrugs. "You had a glow about you. You smiled so bright at me I instantly became wet."

I feel my face flush as Olivia talks so matter of fact.

"I wore those stockings so you could look at me special."

"You are."

"I wanted you so bad. I wanted you to claim me." Her mouth opens and closes.

I hold my breath. I just need one little hint about what could be bothering her. "I don't understand."

Carefully I turn leaning against the side of the tub. Before I can settle Olivia is in my lap.

"Don't leave."

It startles me so much I don't know what to do or say. These last few months have been such a turn around, then last week it all just changed.

OLIVIA

I can't look at her, I can't look at myself.

I keep telling myself to just let her go if she wants to go but I can't. I'm not ready.

I only let go of her so I can untie my robe letting it fall behind me.

Her eyes grow as wide as saucers jumping from my face to the space between our bodies.

I can feel her leg spread before she clamps them shut.

I take her hands, but she pulls them back.

I hear my own breathing in the large room

"Why are you doing this to us?" She tucks her hands behind her back.

I don't know what hurts the most being rejected or realizing how pathetic I am.

"I don't want you to get tired of me."

"What are you talking about?"

I close my eyes just trying to get a hold on reality. "I saw the way you looked at the waitress. I know you have needs that I can't always…"

"You're everything to me."

"You say that but I know you look at other people. You have to wonder if they would want what you want."

"I know they want what I want because I want you." Natalia pulls the robe back onto my shoulders. "I guess you were so preoccupied with me you didn't see the way she was eyeballing you."

I don't know why she is so calm.

"See this is why I don't tell you everything. It would drive you crazy."

"NO it drives you crazy which is why you should tell me. I can set it all right for you before you get worked up over it."

I can't believe I let her get in my head again. All of this is because of what she said. That's fucking bitch keeps playing with my head.

I slide off her lap to beside her.

"Tell me I wasn't wrong about dinner."

"No you weren't wrong. It's just… when I can't see your eyes my mind wonders. Then it's no longer just you and I can't think."

"I didn't know. How can I help?"

Always so thoughtful. So caring and nurturing. Sometimes I think it would be easy if she would just berate me like Lily and I could live in blackouts.

I can't look at her because before I even say I know how needy it sounds. "You always leave."

"Leave? When?"

"Two weeks ago when we…you always find a reason to leave, to get away from me."

"That's not true!"

"It is!"

"No, please." She raises up to her knees. "You're right but for the wrong reasons." She sits back on her heels. "I know sometimes we have these moment where we have trouble trusting each other. But you have to believe I will never forgive myself for treating you the way I did. And that I will never do anything like that again." Natalia moves closer to me kissing the spot just under my ear. She starts again whispering. "Sometimes after we make love you have a wild look in your eyes. It scares me sometimes. You told me sometimes you just need space and I try to give it to you, but you know I always come back to you. I would love nothing more than to hold you afterwards."

"The first time we made love you crawled to the edge of the bed and told me not to touch you and you had that look. I thought that is what you wanted. But you have to believe me when I say I just want to be there for you like you are for me. You do so much for all of us I just want to do the right thing for you."

I want to argue but I can't. "I told you I'm crazy."

"You're not."

"I am because you're right. Sometimes I do want to be alone but not from you. You're the only one who helps. I can't sleep unless you are beside me. I don't feel clean until you touch me after I see her. When you leave it feels like that night. I feel so cold." I wipe away a stray tear. "I get caught in this cycle of wanting you close to me and wanting to be alone and stew."

"Wait you saw her?" Natalia pulls back.

I nod. "That's why I missed your appointment."

"Why didn't you say anything I thought you changed your mind about the baby."

"I didn't want to upset you because she upset me. And I went out drinking with Rodney and Doris. I'm sorry."

"That's not an excuse but thank you for telling me." She sits back down. "What did she say?"

I know she is disappointed but If I'm coming clean I might as well lay it all out. "What she always says. She just knows how to get under my skin until I can't think straight and all I want to do is forget. She told me you came to see her after..."

Natalia turn to me with fire in her eyes. "You know I'm not a violent person but that woman…"

"Trust me I know."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I saw her again." Natalia pulls my hand into her lap.

"I'm sorry too."

After a few minutes of silence Natalia stands up holding her hand out to me. "How do you feel?"

I take her hand letting her help me out of the tub. "Better."

Come one we'll order some room service and watch a movie. "You're still not off the hook for drinking."

DORIS

"Hey asshole!" I almost pull the bartender over the bar. "If I have to call you twice again I'm going to murder you."

His eyes grow wide.

"You can't murder all your problems." Lindsey pulls my hand away from his little tie.

He scurries away to the other end of the bar.

"It's worked so far." I sit back down on my stool. I scan the bar looking for my next victim.

Aah. There he is with his arm around my girlfriend.

"Oh don't even dream about it. She would never talk to you again. Hell, she might even turn state on you for all the crimes you've committed. That little black book she keeps detailing everything you've done." Lindsey's singy voice starts grate my nerves.

"Please shrink, Blake would never do that." I turn back to the doctor. "I'm not some weakling, you can't jump inside me head and scramble things around."

"So you think Olivia is a weakling."

"Turn my words around all you want. I'm not biting." I hold up my empty glass. This time the little twerp comes right away refilling my cup. "Thank you."

He runs back to the other end of the bar.

"See that is how you get things done. People need to know their place."

"I'm sure you're just the person to put them there."

I don't know if it's the 4 drinks I've had or the fact that I'm high as shit but Lindsey is kind of attractive.

It's not as if I've never thought about it. Hell, after Olivia's wedding I was going to make a serious pay for her until her wife showed up.

Even though she's a natural red head and insist on wearing mostly flat shoes. Maybe it's because Blake doesn't wanna play.

I'm up for just about anything now.

Maybe it's the fact I know she's into bondage.

"So about the bombshell you dropped earlier?"

I turn fully towards her letting my eyes roam. The skirt she has on has rode up those long pale legs.

She loves skirts and I like seeing her in them. They're usually plain but I know they're not cheap. As much as Jamie complains about her spending.

Silk panties with matching bra, probably dark in color. If she's wearing any at all. I also know for a fact Jamie like her without underwear. I would too.

"Up here." Lindsey snap her long fingers.

"Yea, what about it?" I watch her lip waiting for a response.

I find the best way to find out if someone is a good kissing is to watch the way the talk.

Blakes mouth can run a hundred mile an hour but very controlled trying to hide her low class accent.

"That's what I want to know. What did you do?"

Yes, she would be a very good kisser.

"Nothing you should be concerned with." My eyes move to her breast. Maybe a B cup. Maybe.

I bet they're hard just trying to figure out the latest mystery.

She snaps her fingers in my face again. "Again, I'm up here." She shakes her shoulder length red hair. "You are so messed up it isn't even funny."

I would respond but the alcohol has slowed down my response time.

"I guess you're lucky you aren't a man or you would have a sizable boner right now."

Her bare thigh is too much to resist. Again, its odd, they're about the color of skim milk but I have to touch them.

Smooth and toned just like I imagined.

Her hand stops mine as I move higher on her leg. "Do you even know what you are doing right now?" She leans forwards her lips almost touching mine.

Her eyes are the same color as Olivia's. I could stare into them all day.

They probably sparkle the same way Olivia's does when she cums.

I could have those legs thrown over my shoulders in no time.

"Haven't you ever thought about what it would be like? Why no one can resist me, why they keep coming back." I stand up moving closer to her ear smelling her sweet perfume. "Don't you want to know what my tongue feels like?"

She shivers.

Got her. "I won't tell if you don't."

"You are diguisting!"

Fuck I know that voice.

Blake grabs my arm almost pulling me off balance. She's about as red as a tomato with her fist balled.

I know from experience she can throw a descent punch.

Behind her, her smug boyfriend is smiling like the stupid idiot he is.

"Are you jealous?"

When Blake doesn't respond his stupid grin disappears.

I hurry and kiss her before she can protest. The look on his face is worth the slap I receive.

"You are the worst person I know." Blake turns to Lindsey. "And this is low even for you."

"I don't know if I should be offended or not." Lindsey looks at me then back to Blake.

Blake turn back to me. "How could you do this to me?"

Oh the look on his face is better than the last. I think he is about to cry.

All I can do it laugh.

"Hey what's all the ruckus about." Jamie pulls Lindsey into her arms.

Blake starts again. "Oh nothing just your wife trying to bed my girl-" She stops short probably remembering her boy toy is still here.

I think I actually see a tear fall.

He turns away stomping out the bar and of course Blake has run after him and change his diaper.

"You owe me a lap dance."

I focus back on Jamie and Lindsey. Jamie doesn't seem upset so who knows where the night might take us.

"A bet is a bet." Jamie picks up Lindsey cradling her like a baby. "Dammit Wolfe Lindsey is the worst at seducing people and you fell for it."

"Hey!" Lindsey jump down. "I will not be insulted again. First Blake now you." Lindsey smirks at me. "I knew you wanted me since we met. This one here." She pokes Jamie. "Didn't believe me. And guess who owes me a lap dance." She walks away twisting her narrow hips.

"Wolfe you have to do better. And for future references keep your hands off my wife." She slips a 20 on the bar top. "I would hate to knock all that money out your mouth." She leaves tossing her jacket over one shoulder.

My teeth are all real. I was born with a full set of perfect teeth.

"Jesus there you are." Rodney stumbles in with Johnny barely standing up right.

"We couldn't score." Rodney sits heavily on the bar stool. Johnny just lays his upper body on the bar top. "But I still have a little left over. Just gonna hold us for the night."

He pulls up the drugs pouring the small amount on the bar top. Before the bartender can move he's already cut a few lines.

"Hey you can't do that in here!" The twerp finds his voice.

He's really getting on my nerves.

Johnny finds the strength to raise up and pull him over the bar. Instead of feeding him his fist he just lays down beside him.

"Thanks a lot Johnny that was the last of it!" Rodney licks his finger trying to collect the dust still on the bar.

The last thing I need is to pay off an assault charge. I toss a couple of bills on the floor. "Let's go."

Rodney and I walk outside with Johnny crawling behind us. "D, I'm coming down hard."

"Yea it's time to find a place to sleep."

"I still can't believe they kicked us out of our room. They can fix those holes. And what table can't support people. It's their fault for have cheap furniture." Rodney sits down beside Johnny.

Who thought I would be back here. I can't keep this up. I'm too old for the rock and roll life style.

NATALIA

I don't know how it happened but it has.

There are three extra people in my bed.

I couldn't sleep even if I was tranquilized.

But somehow Olivia is sound asleep. She didn't even wake up when they barged in.

It's the only reason I didn't make a big fuss. I didn't want to wake her.

It's the reason I haven't moved even though Rodney keep dry humping my leg. I would move it but Johnny is asleep on top of my feet.

No one else seems to mind so I won't say anything.

I realize what irks Blake so much now. I couldn't image doing this every night, especially with the others.

The fact the Olivia is sleeping peacefully is enough for me to stay put.

As much as I hate to admit it, Olivia needs Doris and a little Rodney. They aren't going anywhere soon.

So we'll make it work and much as I can stand.

"You're not helping." I whisper over Olivia.

Doris is cuddled up behind Olivia pretending to be sleeping. Her eyes are blood shot and she keep sniffing. Another thing that is keeping me awake.

Plus the alcohol is seeping out their pores.

"Don't start with me."

"Someone has say it. You shoving that stuff up your nose is not helping Olivia and it isn't going to get Blake back."

Doris rises ready to give me a tongue lashing but Olivia starts to stir.

We both retreat back to our corners.

I pull Olivia tighter against me kissing her temple.

She smiles in her sleep snuggling deeper in to my chest.

"I never do it around her." Doris moves close behind Olivia spooning her.

I expected the move but it doesn't bother me much. "That is not the point."

She rise up to look at me but instead of the fire I usually see there's nothing. "I'm going to get clean but not for you."

"I wouldn't dream of it." I almost laugh at how childish we are sometimes.

"Natalia?" Olivia stirs again.

"Yes sweetheart?"

Without another word Olivia falls back to sleep.

"I have a plan." Doris whispers

"Let me guess you're not going to tell me."

"Olivia can tell you. But rest assured, after Olivia will be as good as new. And you can ride off into the sunset with her." Doris rolls over turning her back to us.

I can be the bigger woman. "I want to thank you. I know we don't always see eye to eye but thank you for being there for Olivia when I wasn't."

"Fuck off."

I watch Olivia sleep until the sun rises.

Well after breakfast time Olivia blinks her eyes open. "Natalia? Whose behind me?"

"Who do you think?"

"Why?"

"They trashed their room."

"Still doesn't answer why they are in bed with us."

Who says people can't surprise you. I thought she would be happy after last night breakdown.

"Why are my feet so warm…and wet!" She jumps up rolling Johnny on the floor.

"What? What?" Rodney jumps up. "What happened?"

"Johnny pissed on my feet!"

I barely hold in a laugh.

"Okay that's it. Out!" Olivia half drags Johnny to the door. He crawls the rest of the way out.

"Out!" She pushes Rodney out and come back for Doris. "Get up and get out."

Doris stumbles rubbing her eyes. "What?"

"You can't do this, and you need to train your pets." Oliva slams the door looking at her wet feet.

This time I do laugh.

"Oh this is funny to you." She smiles. "Shower." She walks into the bathroom. "I was thinking we could skip the party tonight. I don't think it will be a safe place for me."

Thank God. "Whatever you want." I busy myself stripping the bed. He really did a number on her side of the bed.

"What are you doing?" Olivia sticks her head out the bathroom.

"The bed-"

"Can wait I need you in here to take care of a problem." She wags her eyebrow.

"The bed can wait." Yes my wife is full of surprises.

OLIVIA

"Are you ready?" Doris pushes me down the stairs to her basement.

"I don't know what this is supposed to accomplish."

"I hate losing. You hate losing. There are two fights you ever lost. Well I took care of one and it's time for a rematch on the second. A fair one." She flips on the light.

Lily stands up from a couch. The shackle on her foot rattles. "What the hell is this. What you two are going to jump me?"

Even in danger she looks bored.

The basement is set up like a luxury hotel room. A queen-sized bed, flat screen T.V., a treadmill and a mini refrigerator. When I came last time, I was beyond shocked to see me nemesis locked in her basement. I don't know how long she has been down here and I really don't care. It's what she deserves. For all the pain she has caused she deserves to be locked up.

"No Lily." Doris pushes me to the middle of the room. "I promise I won't interfere. Scouts honor."

"I don't think this is a good idea." I stand not sure if I want to do be a part of kidnapping.

"No Olivia whatever you are planning is not a good idea. You go around spreading lies about me and expected me not to punish you." She shakes her leg rattling the long chains again.

"I know but there are only two fights you've ever lost. While one is buried 6 feet deep the other is standing right here. So, it's time for a rematch, a fair fight." Doris unshackles Lily. "She'll be gone next week so it's now or never."

If she is surprised Lily doesn't show it. Her mask is firmly in place until she sets her eyes on me. Then that devilish look enters her eyes. "Come here pet. You've been a bad girl."

I almost crashed my car three time trying to make it home.

I can't get the key in fast enough. "Natalia?! Natalia?!""

"Where's the fire?" Natalia walks out of the kitchen wiping her hands. "Oh my god Olivia what happened?" She runs to me trying to sit me on the couch.

I pull away from her picking her up off her feet. "I love you so much."

"Olivia put me down." She slips my grasp pulling me to the couch. I sit down in front of her.

I taste blood but I don't care. I don't care. I won!

"What the hell happened?" She dabs my lip with the towel in her hands.

It burns and taste like onions.

"Holy crap what happen to you. Did someone jack you?" Rafe jumps over the couch inspecting my face.

It's really starting to hurt now.

"Rafe can you get Olivia a towel with some ice, please." Natalia stares him down until her leaves for the kitchen.

"Olivia what happen?" Her fingers touch a tender spot on my cheek.

"I won! Babe I finally beat her. I didn't think I could do it, but I did and beat her ass. I mean I really kicked her ass!"

"Who?"

"Lily." I whisper.

"What! Where did you see her?"

"That's besides the point. I won!" I pull her into my arms. I know it won't cure all the nightmares, but I feels so good.

"Well I guess I'm happy for you." She sits back on her heels with a worried look. "You're going to have a pretty good black eye and look at your lip. You might need stitches."

"I know you don't like fighting, but I had to do this for us. She is the devil in flesh and blood. And I beat her. I finally won."

"Well if it's what you needed this then I won't hassle you. Just please no more fighting." Finally she smiles. "After dinner you can tell me all about 'Rocky'." She smiles as Rafe come back with ice.

"Man If you look like this I hate to see what the other person looks like." Rafe sit on the couch beside me. "I hope it was Rodney."