"We can stop whenever you like." Luke's voice was low and concerned. Rey's attempts at meditation were proving to be more arduous than he would have liked. He remembered his own fledgling steps in that direction, how his feet had sunk into the boggy marshland of the Dagoba System. A rasping voice in his ear urging him on towards something which had seemed so impossible. It all seemed an unbelievably long time ago now, he recalled the strength and impatience which had flowed through his young body. He had been so eager to learn, so eager to fight. How little he had truly understood about his path would take him. Yoda had known, or at least suspected the heart ache which had lain in store for him. He remembered the words of his master fondly, grateful for having had even that short time with him. It was truly an honour to have been mentored by the great Master Yoda, and even though he had failed to appreciate it at the time, he cherished it now. He was doubtful if Rey would ever have such reverence for him, the meditations were not the only area where she was struggling. In fact, the only aspect of training which she seemed to excel at was in combat. She was a natural fighter and only in this did she seem able to harness the Force around her. He wondered if it was her upbringing on Jakku which had honed this skill, or whether her latent abilities had been what kept her alive for so long.
"I can do it," Rey grunted, her face damp with perspiration. A casual onlooker would be puzzled at her physical display of exertion as she had been sitting cross legged on a mat on the floor for the best part of two hours now. The objective had been to enter a state of deep meditation which would enable her to reach out through the Force and communicate with Luke. Yet, after two hours (not to mention several attempts on previous days) she had not managed to sustain a connection. She was able to sense her new master's presence enough to detect his general mood and so forth, but a more meaningful connection had proved illusive. Her mind flickered over to a time when she had absolutely no trouble in this department. Luke shifted as he felt her mind drawn back to her time with Kylo Ren. He sensed the fire and the despair. She had not managed to speak about her experiences and he had not pressed her for answers. He knew that she suffered greatly and he hoped that she might be able to confide in him at some point. Although, he was not sure how much wisdom he would be able to bring to this hypothetical conversation. He hoped that just the act of sharing would help her heart to heal, anything more practical would be beyond him. hHis mind wandered towards his sister, she knew a great deal about heartbreak... but he could not ask her to counsel Rey. Who knew what had transpired between the girl and his nephew, but he suspected that Leia was not the one to offer impartial advice with regards to her own son. Her pain ran so deep, especially after the death of Solo.
Luke suspected that his sister would never fully recover, and that some part of her would remain broken. How can one begin to reconcile all that had transpired. The loss of a son is devastating enough, but to lose her husband at the hand of the their son... So much pain for one person to bear alone. Yet, she would not share her pain with him or anyone else for that matter. Leia had become locked in a private cell of her own suffering. She smiled outwardly and conducted herself accordingly in public. However, he knew that once she was alone at night her heart and soul cried out. He felt it, but made no move to encroach. He hoped that she would know that he would always look after her, but his own absence for so many years made him feel that he did not have the right to offer his help directly. He had after all, abandoned her when perhaps he should have stayed. They had both been shocked to the core at the destruction of the Jedi Academy, but for her it was all so much more personal. He felt that maybe it had been pride that motivated his retreat, he had not wanted to face his failure. How could he not have seen the Darkness that had grown within Ben right under his nose? His failure had resulted in so many deaths and he felt responsible not only for the students and staff at the Academy but also for the deaths which Kylo Ren had caused afterwards. Such a heavy burden of guilt pressed down upon him relentlessly. The meditation which had soothed his soul in exile was difficult for him as well now that he had returned to the Resistance. So many troubled minds surrounding him at all times, day and night, pressing in on him. Looking at the girl struggling to find her own inner peace made him homesick for his island.
"Enough." His command was quietly spoken and although he knew how much she wanted to be able to complete this task, he also sensed her relief that today's lesson was over. Rey gradually unfolded herself from the floor, her muscles stiff and lifeless from being still for so long. Her mind returned to more mundane matters, she was hungry as well as stiff. She smiled to herself as she thought about how she was now free to go to the canteen and grab some dinner. She might even see Finn, her smile widened a fraction more. Her friend was always keen to catch up at the end of the day. His steady companionship was the one thing that kept her sane these days. The Jedi training was relentless. She had so many years to catch up on and Master Luke always seemed so sad and disappointed. She consoled herself that it was not her directly which saddened him, but it was hard not to take it so personally when she spent day after day with him and he seemed every bit as distant now as when she had first met him. He did not have any of the easy charm and confidence that Han Solo had embodied and so in comparison Luke seemed somewhat cold. She knew that he cared for her in his own way and that he wanted her to succeed in her training. He was just so distant. Han Solo and Chewie had managed in only a few hours to make her feel more welcome and at home than Luke and Leia had managed in the several months she had been with the Resistance. Rey comforted herself with the fact that they had a lot to deal with, The First Order had been causing a lot of trouble again. The fallout after the destruction of the Starkiller Base had been swift. Eager to regain their battered reputation, The First Order had been responsible for the destruction of multiple populations across the galaxy. There was no interest in hunting only the Resistance, The First Order seemed intent on merely instilling terror throughout the galaxy. Their message was simple and brutal, they would stop at nothing in pursuit of power.
The noise and bustle of the canteen was a welcome distraction from her thoughts. Finn was already ensconced with a group of Resistance pilots, their heads were thrown back with sudden laughter and Rey paused, hesitant to go and interrupt. They were a close crew, the pilots, and Finn was happy to be counted as one of their number. Her position on the base was a bit more tenuous, some treated her with open suspicion whereas others seemed a little in awe. She was the first Jedi to be trained in over a decade and there was a certain notoriety attached to this. However, this had not helped her to make any new friends on the base. Finn remained her sole friend, and his loyalty warmed her heart a little. Suddenly he caught her eye and keenly waved her over to join them. She slotted in amongst the pilots with her tray of food and hoped that she would not interrupt the cheerful ambiance. They gave her a nod, and then continued to chat away amongst themselves. The banter and the nicknames marking them out as a special tribe that despite her own proven skill as a pilot she was still on the margins. If only she was not training to be a Jedi, maybe then she would have been accepted. Although, her as yet unexplained absence after the events on Starkiller Base, meant that there was a cloud of ambiguity around her. Apart from Finn, who trusted her whole heartedly, no one else did. Never mind, she was used to being the outsider. She never fitted in on Jakku either, but then she had not actually wanted to fit in there. But this was what she had always dreamed of, so why was she still not happy? She knew the answer of course. The girl that left Jakku in the stolen Millenium Falcon was not the same girl that sat here now at this table. Her time with him had altered her perception of the galaxy around her and she did not think that she would ever be able to slot back into any kind of functional society – whatever that was!
Later, alone in her quarters she allowed her thoughts to drift back to their time together. She could almost feel the warmth and strength of those long arms as they had held her so close. That was where she had finally felt at home. She could feel the heat from his skin against her own, and remembered the way her fingers had tangled in his unruly hair. Restlessly she shifted about in her bed, she was anxious to sleep yet at the same time she longed to prolong this time when she could focus all her mind on reliving every moment that they had shared. It made her solitude more bearable. She could feel the sand beneath her bare feet and the cool breeze from the lake. The warm sun was gentle and soothing on her upturned face. This was what bliss felt like and she was going to hold onto it. No one else could possibly understand. No one but him. Rey wondered where he was and she attempted to reach out for him. She failed as usual. It was as if he had simply disappeared out of existence. She ached with sorrow and rejection, he knew her well enough to understand how bitterly she would respond to his abandonment. Yet, abandon her he had, yet despite that she still clung desperately to their brief life together by the lake. That had felt real, her life on the Resistance Base was but a shadow. Miserably, she buried her face in her pillow and slipped into a fitful sleep.
On the other side of the galaxy, a tall man with tangled dark hair and fire in his eyes stared out of a view port at the passing stars. He felt her yearning and he allowed it to wash over him. The First Order officers worked on oblivious to the disturbance in the Force occurring around them. He saw the lake through her eyes and reminded himself that her memories had nothing to do with him anymore. The man that she had forged such a powerful connection with was gone. He was exactly where he should be, working towards fullfilling his grandfather's legacy at last. Her memories were coming thick and fast now and he caught his breath. He had blocked all her attempts to contact him because he was finished with that time now. That part of his life was well and truly over. He accepted this fact. However, he could not resist entering her mind whenever the impulse took him. To begin with he told himself that it was so that he could ensure that the events that he had put in motion when he contacted Luke Skywalker would continue as he had planned. But then, after that he found it oddly calming to just tap into her mind when she was training or working. He told himself that he should stop, and that she had no hold over him. He told himself that he was only doing it because it could provide valuable intelligence on the Resistance, not that he ever shared any of the information that he gathered. He told himself that he could stop whenever he felt like it and that it was purely a game. Yet, he furrowed his brow and clenched his fists as her desperation swept over him. Had he made the right choice? He had never been one for really thinking his actions through, and he certainly never wasted much time on a pointless sentiment such as regret. But, what if there had been another way? Had he really considered all of the options before he consigned her what was obviously becoming a rather lonely existence. He had been alone most of his adult life by choice, but he knew that that was not what she had hoped for. He stared blankly out of the viewport, oblivious to the splendour of the open space and he sighed with relief as she finally succumbed to sleep.