A/N: So, it's been ages since I updated this, and I'm sorry about that. I promise you guys that I wouldn't abandon this, and I'm a girl of my word, so I won't. Unfortunately, though, this story just can't hold my intrest anymore, and though it wasn't as bad as I remembered it being, it's not my best work either. I've decided to throw my plans for this story into the wind and just end it. Don't worry, I'll still write a proper ending, and I'll try not to let it get too rushed, but it probably won't take much more than 2 or 3 chapters. I'm so much more invested in my other FemMerlin story (go check it out!), and I want to focus on that one.

That said, I did enjoy writing this, and I am very proud of the progress I've made as a writer while working on this. And of course I couldn't have done it without all of you, my lovely readers!

Chapter 19: The Lady of the Lake – part 4

It was never supposed to end like this.

I should have known from the moment I rescued Freya that something terrible would happen, but I let myself believe that this story could have a happy ending.

After I'd brought Freya the food I'd pilfered from Morgana's food, she'd told me about her home, about living near a lake and mountains. She hadn't been able to remember much, but she remembered how much she'd loved it there. And all the while, I couldn't help but feel like I wanted to take her to someplace beautiful like that. Arthur's offer to elope ran through my head, and I could almost picture it; the three of us living a quiet life by a lake.

But I knew that image wasn't possible. Still, I promised her I'd look after her, that I would be there for her.

And then I failed in that promise.

I'd promised to get her out of Camelot, to protect her and care for her. I never even once thought to connect the murders to the little girl I'd come to love. At least, not until Gaius told me that she'd been cursed to take the form of a bastet at midnight.

I went back for her as soon as I could, but she was gone, she'd fled and hadn't told me. I hoped she was safe, but she was just a little girl, and before long, the guards tracked her down and cornered her in the lower town. By the time I found her, Arthur had already wounded her and had driven her to a corner of the central courtyard.

Even in her feline form, she looked so frightened, so much like the little girl I knew. A flash of my magic made a gargoyle fall from the roof, giving Freya time to escape.

I found her in the tunnels underneath the city, where I'd first brought her when I rescued her. "Freya," I whispered.

She snarled at me, but I knew it was only because she was frightened. I persisted, and she let me pet her head. "I'm so sorry." Freya allowed me a moment to comfort her, before she shrugged me off and limped off to a corner. She was shaking and finally fell to the ground, letting out a heart-breaking shriek as she once again transformed into the little girl I knew.

As I draped my jacket over her, I couldn't help but notice the wound Arthur had given her. "No," I whispered, unable to stop myself. I could see instantly that it was deep, and that it would be fatal.

"I'm sorry," Freya said, her voice barely audible and shaky.

Tears gathered in my eyes, but I had to be strong for her. "Shh, don't try to talk."

Big blue eyes looked up at me, frightened and ashamed. "I'm a monster." The words were so soft I almost missed them.

I shook my head, giving me a moment to work past the knot in my throat. "No. Someone did this to you, and whatever happened on them is on them, not you," I argued. "You're a sweet, intelligent and kind little girl, and you're no more a monster than I am."

Tears ran down Freya's cheeks, and I leaned in close to wipe them away and lean my forehead against hers. My magic responded within me, but I knew that it was useless. It couldn't help anymore.

"Merlynn? I'm scared."

It broke my heart, to see her lying there in this dark and dusty place. "It'll be alright," I said, and realized that my own tears had started falling, too. "I'll take you someplace beautiful."

I whispered a spell to take away her pain, and gathered her in my arms. She seemed more peaceful now, though it still couldn't be comfortable.

I managed to sneak her out of the city easily enough, and carried her too-light form through the forest. Eventually, we arrived at our destination. Freya had drifted between wakefulness and unconsciousness for the entire walk, but now she was staring in awe at the mountains reflected in the lake. "Pretty…" she breathed.

Once again, tears gathered in my eyes as I felt the life drain out of her. "This lake is the entrance to a magical place called Avalon. Though it's not nearly beautiful enough for you, my little love," I whispered, holding her close.

"Merlynn? I love you," she said, her eyes drifting closed.

"No," I breathed. "Please stay with me, Freya."

She died with a smile on her lovely features. At least she'd been happy in her final moments.

I allowed myself a few minutes to cry over this brave little girl, whom had desired nothing but a meadow and a lake to play by. Eventually, I wiped my tears and looked around. I couldn't just leave her here like this. It was customary for the druids to burn their dead, so when I spotted a small rowboat, I decided to give her a proper send-off.

I make a bed of ferns and wildflowers, and even braided some forget-me-nots in Freya's hair. I couldn't stop the tears as I lowered her small body in the boat and sent it off with a small push of magic. Once she reached the middle of the lake, I set the boat ablaze and prayed with all my heart that wherever she was, she could be happy now.

There was an aching in my chest, and I knew that my magic mourned the loss of the little girl, too.

/*/

When I got back to Camelot, it was nearing dark, but the guards at the gate didn't comment on my presence.

Instead of going back to the castle, I headed for a familiar house in the lower town and knocked.

Thomas opened the door, and, after taking in my red eyes and barely held-back tears, motioned me in.

Helen was playing with Ellie on the floor, but got up as soon as she saw me. Without saying a word, she strode over and pulled me into a hug.

I was numb. I couldn't even return the hug.

Ellie looked at me curiously, sensing that something was wrong, but not knowing what to do. So as soon as Helen released me, I sat down on the floor and forced a smile. "Hello Ellie. You know I love you, don't you?"

Solemnly, Ellie nodded her head. She promptly crawled into my lap and put her arms around my neck. I held on as best I could. Though I'd thought that my tears had dried up, it seemed that I still had some left. I silently held my 'niece' as I mourned the loss of a child as close to me as a daughter.

"I sorry you sad, auntie Lynn," Ellie murmured.

I stroked her hair and pressed a kiss to her head. "I'll be alright, little one, I just lost someone very close to me today. I couldn't save her. And I'm a little sad that she's gone." I leaned back and managed a more genuine smile. "But you make it a little bit better."

Ellie beamed at me and leaned back in for a hug. Usually, she'd get restless and start squirming, but this time she sat on my lap without complaint, letting me pet her hair and hug her close. She'd even managed to keep her hair auburn, instead of turning it black like mine. I was grateful, because with my blue eyes, she would have looked far too much like Freya in that instant.

A hand on my shoulder brought me back to the present. "I'm so sorry, Merlynn," Helen said, her eyes shining compassionately.

I spent the rest of the night there, sleeping on Ellie's sleeping pad with the little girl curled tight against me.

/*/

The next day I did my best to avoid everyone. Gwen had probably guessed what had happened, and of course Gaius knew, but I didn't want to have to explain my ragged looks and red eyes to anyone else.

I ended up scrubbing the floor of Morgana's chambers when I was sure she was elsewhere. The repetitiveness of the work helped clear my mind and keep it off thoughts of Freya.

"Merlynn?"

I automatically looked up at the voice, and saw Arthur standing in the open doorway. He looked concerned.

I wasn't sure what to feel. By all accounts, I should be angry with him, as it was his strike that had ultimately killed Freya, but all I could see was his furrowed brow and the concern and affection shining in his eyes.

With a sigh, I dropped the rag I'd been using back into its bucket and sat back on my heels, wiping my forehead on my sleeve.

Gingerly, Arthur sat beside me. On the floor. He didn't say anything, didn't make me talk if I didn't want to. He just sat with me.

"I lost someone," I breathed, my voice a little raspy from disuse and crying.

Arthur scooted closer and put an arm around my shoulders. "I'm sorry," he said.

I expected to feel angry, to want to shove his touch away, but I just felt drawn to him. So I leaned into his touch, burying my head into his shoulder. "It was an accident, but she was just a little girl," I said, my voice quivering.

At that moment, I didn't care if Arthur connected the person I'd lost to the 'beast' he'd slayed the day before. Most likely, he'd just assume that the girl was someone from Ealdor.

Arthur kissed the top of my head. I could sense that he had no idea how to deal with this, so I just let him hold me, and let my connection to him heal my soul just a little bit.

"Well, I didn't expect this."

Arthur and I jumped apart and looked up at Morgana, who was smirking in the doorway.

I blushed furiously and ducked my head. "I'll just… get… fresh water," I said, quickly picking up the bucket I'd been using to clean the floor and fled out of the room.

The last thing I heard was Morgana saying: "I see you two made up." I was mortified, but at least it was one less lie to tell my friend. Arthur and I weren't just friends, and we could never pretend to be. If losing Freya taught me one thing it was that life was too short to waste staying away from the people you love. And that I wouldn't survive losing Arthur as I had Freya…

A/N: It really is winding to a close. The next chapter will start The Witch's Quickening story arc, though I'll make some rather drastic changes to accommodate for the ending I have in mind. I'm not sure if I'll be able to put in a pairing for Morgana, but I might write a one-shot about that, so keep a lookout for that!

As I've said, I couldn't have done this without you, and I love all of you so much for putting up with my ridiculous updating schedule and my procrastination. Thank you all so much!