Chapter 16: The nine weddings of Jamie Kirk and Leonard McCoy
Author's note: I decided to throw in a little family time to explore how exactly Jamie and Leonard ended up married nine time on alien planets.
A few words to the timeline: This fic takes place about sixteen months after ST 2009. That would have put it around/after STID, but when I chose to bring Chris Pike into the story I ignored STID.
At dinner on the evening before the wedding Winona Kirk, Leonard's sister Donna, her husband and their children had also arrived. Only Jamie's older brother Sam wasn't there. He wasn't able to attend the wedding, for his wife was heavily pregnant and could not travel.
The family members were curious about the nine weddings of Jamie and Leonard. The couple had hinted many things, but explained nothing yet. Jamie promised the whole story for later when Joanna and her cousins would be in bed. Getting them there was difficult task - the children were pumped and didn't want so sleep. But Donna managed it, finally.
When Leonard's sister returned she demanded them to start telling the whole story. "So, spill, how can you be wedded nine times with only one valid marriage and a decision for number ten tomorrow?"
Jamie laughed, grabbing Leonard's hand on the table and entwining their fingers. "Oh, you would not believe some of the Non-Federation cultures out there."
"Or this one cocky captain stumbling into the same situation over and over again", Sulu remarked dryly.
"Hey!" Jamie tilted her head, pretending to be annoyed, but her expression turned into a grin.
Everyone laughed.
"He has a point there, Jamie." Christopher Pike winked.
She just kept grinning. "So, the first time was actually on our first mission-"
"Wait", Pike interrupted her. "I need to say first that all of this is classified." He looked at Winona Kirk and the McCoy family. "So everything you hear about missions of the USS Enterprise must not leave this room."
They nodded to him and he himself gave Jamie a nod as permission to carry on.
"Okay, so, our first mission", Jamie said. "Nice planet, great food... but, apparently, when you're a single woman and in company of a man you're obviously very close and conformable with... handing said man one of the special golden cups on the table means you're marrying him right there on the spot."
Laughter all around. Especially from those who's been there.
"By the way, that was Spock's and Uhura first accidental wedding, too", Jamie added and looked at them. "Just not sure why the two of you also filed a 13-13b."
"What's that?" Donna asked, before Spock or Nyota could reply.
"Starfleet's annulment form for accidental or forced weddings on Non-Federation worlds", Spock explained.
"And before that question hunts us further", Nyota started. "We were simply not comfortable with entering a marriage at that time and in that way. It was so short after the destruction of Vulcan and we barely were away from the Academy and out there in the real life. Well, okay, I speak for me. Spock had, off course, his experience as Academy instructor."
Sulu sighed at the fond memories of their first mission together. "That night I came up with the white alert." He smirked. "Those two accidental weddings were too hilarious to not make anything out of them. And the crew was into the idea from the first moment."
"Do I have to ask or will you tell us what a white alert is?" Eleonora asked.
"Whenever two crewmembers get accidentally or forcedly hitched on an away mission Sulu sends out a white alert to the crewmembers that have subscribed to this little newsletter. Yeah, I guess, you could call it a newsletter", Jamie explained.
"And we keep score who has the most of those weddings", the helmsman added. "The captain and the doctor are on top of that list with nine so far."
Jaime raised her free hand, the other one still entwined with one of her husband's. "But one of those nine's now valid. You haven't told us yet if we're still on the list or disqualified due to being married for real."
Sulu exchanged some glances with Scotty, Uhura and Chekov. "It was a no-brainer. Valid or not - it's in the future still possible for you to stumble into some accidental wedding ceremony. So, you're still heading the list with your husband..." He made a theatrical pause."... Mrs. McCoy."
"Sulu, I told you all, on duty, I'm still- ..."Jamie interrupted herself. "You know what?" She grinned at her husband. "Not on duty right now."
Leonard grinned back. "Damn right, Mrs. McCoy." He leaned in and kissed her.
That earned them cheerful laughter and applause from around the table.
"So, the second wedding", the doctor took over, "was also an accident. Some weird culture with rules of separation between men and women. They accepted us being a mixed away team, but apparently touching was a bit too much for them. Or in other words: We underestimated the meaning of a simple touch."
Jamie giggled. "We went down these strange uneven stairs and Bones was worried that I might trip. So he reached out, I took his hand, we went down the steps... and the Ambassador congratulated us on literally stepping into the future together." She shrugged her shoulders. "They threw us a very nice party."
"You know", Sulu said to the couple. "It just occurred to me that you're undefeated on the top of the white alert from that day on."
"Must be a sign." Scotty winked.
"Yeah, well, it's not that funny. The third wedding, for instance, wasn't at all", Leonard replied. "That was our first forced one."
Jamie nodded. "Beaming down we knew that it would be difficult. It was a matriarchal society and I had only women assigned to the away team. But when Ensign Taylor got injured we needed Bones. The only problem was that an unmarried man wasn't allowed to enter the palace of the matriarch. They got pretty furious. The only way to salvage our diplomatic relations with them was for Bones to get married."
"So, he could have married simply anyone of the away team?" Donna asked with a smirk in their direction. "But it was the two of you in the end?"
"Well, I'm the captain..." Jamie answered. "And with us being best friends... and me certainly not allowing some alien woman to force him to become her husband - that was the only way. Yeah, they suggested that he'd marry the queen's daughter. So we got married, Bones treated Taylor, we wrapped up the mission as fast as possible and filed the 13-13b the next day."
"Ironically with the fourth wedding it was the other way around", Leonard told. "The leader of the world we were visiting was shocked to see a young unmarried woman commanding a starship. He told us he wouldn't negotiate with us unless that situation would be corrected."
Jamie rolled her eyes at that memory. "Which meant, of course, that this creep wanted to be the one marrying me. Made some very suggestive remarks about the wedding night." She laughed and gave Leonard a meaningful glance. "You all should have seen how fast Bones came to my rescue and declared that we would get married on the spot. But he didn't stop bitching about it for a whole week."
"I begin to sense a pattern", Winona threw in and winked.
Nyota giggled. "What gave them away?" she joked. "Seriously, every single crewmember wondered how that could keep happening to them and how they could rescue each other without there being that one spark finally igniting that overdue relationship."
Jamie and Leonard stared at her.
Nyota rolled her eyes. "Oh, come one, you seriously didn't notice that?"
Chris Pike chuckled. "Perhaps you should know what I already told Jamie. The brass had some bets going on how long it would take them to get together and how it would happen."
The group laughed again.
"We did, too", Scotty mumbled.
Jamie shook her head, but chuckled. "What is it with you all and your bets?"
"Go on", Donna demanded, trying to catch her breath. "How did you get hitched the fifth time?"
"By accident again", Jamie answered. "We were scheduled to meet some dignitaries in this ancient temple not far from a modern city. But they failed to tell us that a man and a woman should not step together through that one special arc unless they plan to get married. So... that was wedding number five. But we got another nice party."
Scotty slightly coughed. "You never told us how the wedding night in that little cottage was." He tilted his head and looked at them expectantly.
"Seriously?" Jamie gave back and rolled her eyes. "The fact that we filed the 13-13b and Bones cursed all evening and the following day wasn't clear enough?"
Scotty just looked at her.
"There was no sex", Jamie said. "And to prevent further questions - there was none until we learned about Carah being valid and us deciding to get married on Earth. Up till then we were just best friends."
At that blunt statement Eleonora McCoy got red cheeks and Spock slightly green ears. The others stared at Jamie in surprise.
Leonard rolled his eyes, but laughed anyway. "Darlin', I think that's more information than necessary."
Pavel Chekov of all people now said: "Ah, the hickey, yes?"
Jamie's eyes grew wide and now she was the one to blush. "I think we should move on to the story of wedding number six."
"So there was really a hickey that day?" Scotty asked with a huge grin.
"Yep, it was", Chris Pike answered for Jamie.
"Hey!" Jamie just managed.
All eyes flew to the admiral who was smirking. "That was the morning Jamie commed me and told me about the situation with the valid marriage. Which I already knew."
Jamie pretended to glare at him. "Yeah, you told me I had a hickey and just hung up on me."
"You should have seen your face." Pike winked.
"Could we please stop talking about that damn hickey?" Leonard requested.
"Says the man who gave it to me in the first place", Jamie teased him, then kissed him quickly on the lips.
The others laughed.
"So, number six..." Jamie returned to the wedding stories. "Our mission was almost done and they wanted to give a banquet for us. We didn't think much of it. But... well, on that world, every treaty is sealed with a joining celebration. Which means: wedding. There have to be two couples. One on each side. The regent chose his eleventh wife and we... well, you know... since we had no other choice, Bones and I walked down the aisle. So that was that."
"Wait a minute, you're leaving out the juicy part", Sulu protested and instantly raised his hands soothingly. "No, no, don't worry. No sex", he told Winona and Eleonora. "Just a very nice kiss to seal the union."
Jamie and Leonard rolled their eyes at the same time.
"What, not even kissing made you realize your feelings for each other?" Donna asked confused.
"May I present? Mr. and Mrs. Denial", Sulu said dryly.
Donna laughed, then her expression changed due to an idea. "Hey, are there pictures?"
"Aye", Scotty said and grinned.
"And yes", Nyota added. "You can see them."
"Should've seen that one coming", Leonard mumbled.
Jamie smiled. "And now the wedding that change everything - as it turned out. Ten months ago we were on Carah 3. The Federation knew already that they wanted to join. Our mission was to take a diplomatic team there. Unfortunately... the first linguists who visited Carah made a few mistakes. They mistook marriage for friendship. The Carah invited us to an event we believed to be a friendship festival. Well, it wasn't. They have these group weddings every few months. There are no individual ceremonies. All couples get wedded at the same time. Bones and I, too, by accident. They asked us if we wanted to participate in the festival to experience the culture and to understand it better..."
Uhura sighed and laughed at the same time. "By the way, that poor Ensign who made the mistranslation got married to a Carah diplomat. Quite a surprise for him when his spouse wanted to start the wedding night and he didn't even know what was going on."
"I remember the call the next morning telling us that we got married and didn't just participate in some celebrating of friendship", Leonard added.
"Yeah, and that's the ceremony that stuck in the end", Jamie explained. "But we didn't know until a few weeks ago after wedding number nine. We filled out the 13-13b after Carah, but due to... a unfortunate series of events..." She didn't want to explain it further. "... the form didn't get to Starfleet Command. So that ceremony for itself had only created a valid marriage in the Carah System. But the moment Carah became a member of the Federation the marriage became legal by Federation law."
"It's getting late" Donna sighed. "But I want to hear number eight and nine."
"Well, the eighth wedding happened about two and a half months ago", Jamie went on with the story. "We were on a newly discovered planet and didn't know much about their culture. So... there was this fountain in the middle of a village. We thought it was for drinking water, but it turned out to be a ceremonial well. When a person hands someone water in a bowl, bottle or whatever and the other takes it and drinks from it... You know... So when Bones gave me his bottle..." She just shrugged. "Bones was so mad about the accidental wedding that didn't talk to me for almost two days."
Leonard nodded. "Hell yes, I was furious. But not as much as after the ninth time. I still don't get why so many cultures have such weird weddings ceremonies. Seriously, you go to get water and end up married? That's beyond crazy..."
The officers and family members laughed.
"And number nine was again a forced wedding", Jamie explained. "We were three weeks ago on another diplomatic mission. The Elarans were a little confused that no member of the away team was married, because in their culture no one over the age twenty is allowed to be unmarried. We managed to explain to them that this isn't the case in the Federation. They weren't happy about it, but thought we could defuse the situation by pretending that Bones and I were engaged. We had hoped that this would help. Well, it kind of made it worse."
"It was in the mission briefing that a long engagement was said to be unlucky on Elara", Spock remarked.
"Yeah, and you knew about Carah having become by then valid and didn't tell me", Jamie gave back and winked at him. "Told you, I would let you hear that for a while." She took a deep breath and went on. "Anyway, the Elarans came to the conclusion that there had to be a wedding to calm the gods. In the end we returned to the ship with wedding bracelets, a basket full of gifts..." She looked to her husband, giving him a grin. "... and a very grumpy CMO."
He just rolled his eyes.
"And that situation lead to Bones ranting in my ready room about how fed up he is with getting repeatedly hitched like that. I also had enough of it and... well, for various reasons, I sort of proposed out of the blue and he said yes. A few hours later Uhura told me that she found out that the Carah wedding was valid."
The women around the table grinned. Okay, the men too. Except Spock. He raised an eyebrow. Didn't matter who already knew the story. It was too good to not smirk about it.
"I'm happy that you decided to have a proper wedding on Earth", Eleonora said after a few moments of silence.
Winona nodded and smiled. "Me, too."