On Day 3 Robin considers what his return means for Roland. Outlaw Believer.
Day 3
When the 363 comes Robin is alone. That's his choice.
It was midnight and he'd let Regina sleep. He didn't want her to see it. Not again.
The house was quiet as he sat at the kitchen table, a small glass of whiskey by his side. The only sound to be heard was the thunderous ticking of the clock as he waited for midnight to come. The hand strikes twelve and his eyes drop down to his arm just as the four fades into a wisp of smoke. A three takes its place and he flexes his forearm with a grimace.
363.
It's now branded on his forearm. He can feel it. It figuratively burns him.
363.
His throat tightens as he stares down at the number. He hates it. He wants it gone. It's cruel. It's a constant reminder that his time is limited and he's sick of staring at it.
He sighs before taking another gulp of the whiskey. It doesn't dull the pain half as well as he wishes it could.
363 days. That was all he had left.
A creaking on the stairs pulls him from his pity party. For a moment he thinks it's Regina but he quickly decides the shadow is too short.
"Henry? What are you doing up?"
He's standing the kitchen hallway, hair ruffled from bed, still in his pajamas. He shrugs his shoulders. "Couldn't sleep."
He joins Robin at the kitchen table, his eyes subtly glancing down at the numbers on his forearm. Robin moves his hands under the table. Poor lad. He'd tried to hide it but Robin could see the wariness in his eyes, the uncertainty there. He's afraid for him. It pains Robin to see it but his concern is touching.
"Why are you up?" he asks.
Robin shrugs his shoulders. "Same as you," he lied. "Couldn't sleep."
They sit together in silence for a moment, neither of them is sure of what to say next.
"So… how are you feeling?" Henry asked.
Robin couldn't help but chuckle. "I don't think I could even begin to answer that question."
He keeps a smile on his face. "How are you feeling, Henry?"
Henry stays silent for a few seconds, thinking over his answer. "Happy that you're back," he says finally.
Now that brings a genuine smile to his face. He reaches out to pat Henry on the shoulder. "Thank you," he says softly. "I'm glad to be back with you and your mother."
"I know," Henry says, a smile showing up on his face. "I'm glad Robyn is here with us too. She's pretty cool."
"Yes," Robin agrees, thinking of the baby girl sleeping in the nursery upstairs. "She's a marvel."
He'd spent nearly all of the day with her and put her to sleep a few hours ago. According to Zelena she already sleeps through the night. Some parents might consider that a good thing, bypassing all the late-night feedings and screeches, but in his eyes it was just another part of her life that he'd missed out on.
"And I can't wait to see Roland," Henry added, excitedly. "I've missed him."
Oh Roland, Robin thought to himself. His sweet, brown-eyed little boy. He missed him so much. Missed seeing his thick curly locks and dimpled cheeks. Missed hearing his curious little voice. He was literally a world away and it was killing him not to have him in his arms.
Zelena had given them the wand and Regina had assured him that she could make it work. As soon as they found a proper vessel to carry them over they could retrieve Roland from the Enchanted Forest. His son would be back in his arms.
He wanted that very badly.
He just wasn't sure it was best.
He must've been quiet for longer than he realized because he noticed Henry's face had suddenly grown concerned.
"Robin?"
Maybe it was just that he was feeling low at the moment. Or perhaps it was the whiskey that had loosened him up but he suddenly felt more honest than he wanted to be.
"I'm not so sure I want Roland to see me," he softly admitted. His eyes fell down to the number on his forearms. "Not like this. Not when it isn't…"
"Permanent?" Henry supplied.
Robin nodded his head. He missed his son. Truly he did… but Roland wasn't like his daughter. He wasn't a baby. He'd known what had happened to his father. His son had felt his loss. He'd buried him, mourned him and spent the last three months trying to recover from his loss.
It wouldn't be fair for Robin to undo what little progress he'd made just to force him to go through it again just a few months down the line. That wouldn't be right. It would be cruel. He loved his son but he didn't know if it was worth it for Roland to see his father again if he could only promise 363 days and not a lifetime.
Henry stayed quiet for a moment. He softly drummed his fingers against the table before opening his mouth to speak.
"I only had my father for two weeks," he said softly. He pressed his lips together before speaking again. "I met him in New York. He came to Storybrooke and two weeks later Emma told me that he had died. Fallen down a portal."
And taken to the Enchanted Forest, Robin silently added. He still remembered when Neal had shown up at the dark castle, begging for help to get back to his family. He'd loved Henry. That much had been obvious. And it was why he'd agreed to help him.
"He wasn't dead," Henry continued. "He showed up in Neverland to save me. I was so happy when I saw him. I was so glad that he was alive. I was thinking of all the stuff we could do together. But then all the Pan stuff happened and I had to leave with Emma." He paused. "I didn't even remember his face when he died."
Henry went silent, thinking back on the short time he'd had with his father and the feeling he'd had standing at his funeral thinking he was never going to know him.
"I thought I'd missed my chance," he said. "I thought I was never going to meet him. And when I realized that I'd already had… I was grateful. I'd met him. I knew what he looked like. I knew that he loved me. We hadn't gotten nearly enough time together but… at least we had our two weeks."
A small smile tugged on his lips. "In those two weeks, he took me sailing. He told me the song he played to get my mom to notice him. We played with wooden swords in the park. He told me he loved me over and over. We made our memories. And those memories mean a lot to me. And I think new memories would mean a lot to Roland."
"Henry…"
"You've got a whole year," he sharply interjected. "A whole year that you could give to him. And it might not seem like much right now but… do you really want him not to have it?"
Robin was silent as he thought over Henry's words. They pierced his soul. He wanted another year with Roland. Another chance to celebrate his birthday, to watch him grow up a little more, to tell him he loved him and would never stop. He wanted that so badly. But what happened when the year was up?
"I don't want to break his heart," he said softly.
Henry gave him a sad look. "His heart is already broken. Because right now he still thinks that you're gone and that you're never coming back."
He earnestly stared into Robin's eyes, willing him to agree with what he was saying. "Robin… it'll be worth it. I promise."
He believed that. Robin could see it in his eyes. He believed with his whole heart that it was best for Roland to see him again. And maybe it was whiskey or perhaps it was his own desperation but Robin believed it too.
His son needed to see him.
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