Maybe it was just that everyone was so wrapped up in their own problems, but Terezi's isolation and distance from not just Vriska, but several of her friends, was beginning to feel bigger, in a way. Even Dave seemed to be withdrawing from her in favor of spending more time with Karkat, and Terezi didn't know what she'd done to deserve this sort of rescinding from their friendship.

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

GC: So did I like

GC: Do something?

TG: what

TG: no

TG: why

GC: Because suddenly nobody is talking to me, it's weird and lonely :[

TG: oh

TG: no everyones just

TG: dealing with their own shit i guess

GC: I know, but

GC: Mmmmm

TG: hey TZ chill its fine

GC: Yeah, you're right, I know it's not my fault or anything

GC: Maybe I'm just used to having someone around

TG: vriska?

GC: Or Karkat or you

GC: But you guys are practically attached at the hip now and I don't want to third wheel

GC: When did you two start spending so much time together anyway?

TG: ha whatre you talking about

GC: Oh, spare me the theatrics, Dave

TG: fine

TG: over break i guess

GC: :?

TG: uh we had a date

TG: and then

TG: we sort of kissed

TG: on new years

GC: What

TG: listen i dont totally want to talk about this

GC: Um

GC: Okay

GC: Just know that this will require some explanation at some point :]

TG: fair enough

TG: later TZ

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

As she put her phone back in her pocket, Terezi jumped at a loud clang of metal nearby. Gamzee had slammed his hand against the lockers.

"Hey, Ter." Terezi didn't want to answer him. Every time he'd said something to her since New Year's, Terezi really had no idea what to make of it. His comments were simultaneously compliments and violent threats, and Terezi was already becoming more and more unsure of herself. She shut her locker and started shuffling off towards her next class. "I said hi," Gamzee said again, suddenly right next to her. "You just gonna ignore a brother like that?"

"Gamzee, I just want to go to class. You've been weirding me out lately."

"I've just been complimenting you, sis. I don't think Kar ever really appreciated you, ya know? How pretty you are an' shit."

"You're nuts. He drove me crazy with that stupid crush."

"You ain't heard him talk lately, then. Talkin' bout he can't even believe he ever had a thing for you, sayin' how you ain't even that pretty, that smart…" Terezi felt a pang like a punch in the gut.

"You're lying… you're just trying to mess with me," she murmured, more trying to convince herself than anything, her mouth curling down into a frown.

"Not me, sis. I told him, nah, she's great. Be even greater pinned to the wall." Terezi was quiet for a moment. "You know, uh, Valentine's Day is coming up. Maybe you and I could hang out." Gamzee's voice slipped into something low, something of a growl, and Terezi just wanted to poof herself out of existence.

"Yeah, Gam, I'll… I'll think about it." Why was she even giving him an inch? Why would she even consider it? Terezi was suddenly so aware of how morose her voice sounded. Thankfully she was able to escape into her classroom, but that didn't keep his words from clawing at her mind. He was absolutely lying to her; she knew that. He was being weird because he was sober, and he was picking at her self-esteem because it was weak lately and he knew that, and he was lying to her about stuff Karkat said. Maybe it was a way of getting back at him for some weird reason or maybe he was suddenly interested in a fucked up way because his dad was being vaguely homophobic or maybe Gamzee was just mad and rebounding because his long-standing crush on Tavros went nowhere- it was unfortunate that Gamzee happened to get a crush on the one tolerable straight guy in their group. But all the logical arguments in the world couldn't help Terezi in that moment. In a time where she was already lonely, some boy picking at her sudden insecurities made her slump down in her desk, his words echoing in her mind. Was this what Latula felt? Was this what anxiety felt like? The crippling fear that suddenly all her friends had abandoned her because she wasn't pretty or cool or smart enough? Even though Terezi told Latula all the time how awesome she was, and she had a boyfriend and supportive friends… Terezi didn't feel like she had any of that- at least, she didn't feel like it just then. She spent the entire class period just thinking about this, and when it ended, she struggled to think of who to go to, if anyone. Rose was smart. Maybe she could help. And Terezi knew more or less where Rose's locker was, so she made her way over there, keeping her nose out for Rose's lavender perfume, eventually finding and tracking it.

"Rose, can I talk to you about something?"

Rose hesitated, in a moment of what Terezi could only assume was surprise.

"Of course."

"Okay, so…" Terezi paused, wondering how best to explain the situation. "I think… Gamzee's like, flirting with me? But not cute flirting, like kind of aggressive flirting. And…" Here was the part that Terezi hated, but what she was about to say was certainly true. "I'm kind of into it?" She was, admittedly. She liked Gamzee saying she was pretty, and smart, even if he was saying it in a weird way. "But I'm really fucked up about it, 'cause there was some shit with Dave, and also with Karkat, and Gamzee is kind of Karkat's best friend, so it's kind of wrong for me to date my sort-of-ex's best friend, right? Not to mention I think Gamzee is not really himself and pissed that Tav didn't reciprocate? I really just…" her voice trailed. Rose looked at her, mildly bewildered, and Terezi was aware of the overload of information she'd just provided. She let out a sigh. What was she really expecting to accomplish here besides alienating even more friends? "I shouldn't be attracted to Gamzee. That's all."

"It sounds… complicated."

"It is."

"What kind of things does Gamzee say to you?"

"Stuff like… I'd be hot all tied down, or pinned to his wall. That he wonders what it would feel like to bruise me up and…" The more she talked about it, the more Terezi realized how messed up it all was- even moreso that she was even entertaining the idea of having a thing for Gamzee. "I dunno, he's kind of fucked up lately."

"And you're…"

"I know it sounds bad! I just…" Terezi sighed again. How could she possibly explain what was going on in her mind, when she didn't even understand it herself? This whole thing was stupid. "Nevermind. I shouldn't have said anything," Terezi said. A lump of nerves settled in her stomach as she went off to her next class.

As if Terezi wasn't feeling crummy enough, Vriska messaged her once she got home that afternoon.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

AG: Heeeeeeeey Terezi.

GC: What do you want?

AG: So grouchy.

AG: What's your problem?

GC: Vriska why are you messaging me

AG: Just thought you ought to know that John asked me on a date today and I said yes.

GC: Okay

AG: That's it?

GC: Yeah I don't really care

GC: Date him, don't date him

GC: It doesn't matter to me

AG: Oh come on, you love butting in on my business.

GC: Not really

GC: Or, not anymore I guess

GC: I think you make bad decisions

GC: And I would normally advise you against them

GC: But I am not doing that anymore

AG: Right.

AG: Because you're mad at me.

GC: I'm not mad at you

GC: I'm done

GC: I told you until things change I'm done so do whatever you want to do and leave me out of it

AG: Okay?

AG: What am I supposed to do with that?

GC: Take it whatever way you like

GC: I am not in the mood to perpetuate this conversation

AG: You seriously just don't want to talk to me anymore?

GC: Well I'm not having a great day

GC: And I think you just wanted to tell me about your date to make me feel worse about myself

AG: Uuuuuuuugh you're so frustrating :P

AG: Well, fine, I will go, but first let me ask you a question.

GC: Fine

AG: Do you actually think me dating John is a bad decision?

GC: Actually, no

GC: I think saying yes to him is one of the first good decisions you've made regarding boys

AG: Because it was an honest answer?

GC: Yes

GC: I don't understand how this is such a difficult concept but people will like you when you stop lying about yourself and manipulating them and being rude

GC: So saying yes to John showed a true interest in him

GC: You know

GC: Beyond trying to make Tavros jealous

AG: Hm.

GC: Because people aren't these little pawns that you get to move around and play against each other

AG: Okay.

AG: So…

GC: So…?

AG: Uh. Nevermind.

AG: Bye, Terezi.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC]

Fuck this. Why was Terezi the one who was alone? Why was she the one who was suddenly doubting everything about herself? Why was she the one who let her self-esteem crumble? She wasn't so self-entitled to believe the answer was really just that 'she didn't deserve this', that was something Vriska would think. And the worst thing about it is that, as upset as Terezi was, she still couldn't bring herself to cry. She was just sort of… numb. And since Latula was gone and Mom was gone, Terezi turned to the one person who could never let her down. She took Pyralspite from his tank and laid down on her bed, listening to his little chirping sounds until she felt like moving again.