Chapter 13 – Down with the Fallen

"A job well done, Ma Cherie. There were many ghouls this time and I'm glad Integra helped us out. I just hope her disguise is enough to hide her true identity." Pip said as he spent time with Seras after their mission. Their mission was to clean up ghouls in three towns, Integra and Alucard taking the other two towns–– Alucard going for the Master vampire that created the army of ghouls but it turned out that his opponent wasn't a vampire but three dhampirs.

Seras and Pip had some time so they decided to rest and have their lone time together while waiting for their two masters. Seras leaned on Pip's shoulder, finding comfort from their tiring work. Pip smiled. He knew how important he is to her that's why she became what she is.

The night became tranquil and quiet after cleaning up the mess. They cherished the time no matter short. Their moment ceased when they saw Integra walking towards them, wearing a black hoodie jacket, covering her features. Her hair was tucked in the hood and her face was hidden in the darkness. Only her eyes were visible enough from their burning glow.

"Is Alucard done yet, Seras?"

"Not yet. How was your hunt?"

"It was fine. Thank you for the jacket. I'll go on ahead."

"Alright, thank you for the help, Master Integra." Seras smiled and Integra did the same before leaving.

The trouble caused by the dhampirs had come to an end and Alucard had lied about his report… Seras knew nothing about the situation and only knew that their 3-year restless mission has finally come to an end. She retired to her room and rested in her coffin. Meanwhile, Integra had already settled in Alucard's chamber, reading a book again. She was researching about the usual— war and tactics, weaponry, and other mind-breaking information that could help her prepare for anything terrible; when Alucard entered.

He walked straight past her and sat on his throne, a medical blood pack in hand. He was silent as he sipped his blood pack, deep in thought. Integra didn't mind him because she was focused in her reading. Both of them relished the silence, their thoughts occupied.

Alucard rested his head on his hand. His thoughts were still in the incident that occurred earlier that evening…

I never knew… What did Professor Van Helsing do?! Those dhampirs… Those men… They should all be dead by now! All of them! None of them should even exist in this era!

Except for one who knew more about him than any of them–– Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing. The last surviving bloodline of among the ones who hunted him down, the only one left who knows of his legacy, and who is still his master... The one he willingly bowed down to serve.

His thoughts were deep. Everything that happened in the past just kept on happening in the present again and again like a cycle, reminding him of his faults. He should be used to this but it kept on haunting him. He had a lot of regrets and now, they're only making him miserable. His thoughts drifted from the time of Abraham and his companions to his own time when he was still human. Those memories flashed in his mind…

It angered him... It was maddening... It made him a monster– A monster of such weakness who cannot bear the weight of a human life…

He was judged by a human so great that he was and is still imprisoned as a slave. The more he thought about it, the more he lost his sanity.

If he could only do what he wants, he'd destroy everything around him, kill anything that stands in his way, and bring hell on earth. He's angry… He's angry at himself. He couldn't let his past go. Nothing can ever save him…

Then, it all flashed in his mind… His sacrifices, his efforts, and the ones that he swore to protect… He even gave himself away… into a creature that he couldn't fully accept.

In his frustration, he abruptly stood from his throne, kicked the coffee table to the wall, breaking into smithereens, and got Integra onto his shoulder. Integra was utterly shocked, dropping the book that she was reading. She tried to squirm but his grip on her was too tight. She was going to shout at him but his grip on her tightened more that it could've crushed her slim frame. She then knew that she should keep quiet.

Alucard put her to sit on his throne, trapping her head in between his arms, cornering her to no escape. He wore no emotion as Integra looked at him with a stern expression. She had a feeling that something's off…

Alucard grinned. "Integra…" He chuckled darkly. "You…" He leaned forward so that his forehead would touch hers.

She sat there, immobilized.

"My Lord…"

She stared at him.

"My Master…"

She glared at him.

"Integra…"

His voice growled weakly. He summoned his shadows and presented the journals and letters he got from the dhampir who tried escape… the dhampir named Natasha. He gave them to her, kneeled one knee and bows as low as he can in front of her.

Integra looked at the books and her burning eyes widened in shock.

The names engraved on the silver plates on each journal were: John Seward, Jonathan Harker, Mina Harker, and Abraham Van Helsing. Those names were familiar to her because they were mentioned in Abraham's late journals which she had read as she grew to be a fine woman.

"These are…! But how…? And why…?" Her gaze went to Alucard to get some answers but his head was bowed down, not even giving her a glance…

She understood what to do. She was aware and was informed of Alucard's history and how her great grandfather defeated him but what bothered her was Alucard's actions, giving her the answers to his mysteries. He never did lie to her but he kept some things from her. But now that he's a mess, he decides to have Integra shine some light to him. He did this because there's no other person in the world who's fit enough to judge him… no other than his Master… His equal… Only Integra would be his salvation from the madness he's been experiencing. He would destroy anything and everything except his master…

She proceeded to read each journal, starting with Seward's journal which contained the group's quest and most of what happened after their group devised a plan to capture Alucard. It gave her all the answers she once searched for, regarding what deeper events that had happened before they integrated all of Alucard's abilities. Next, she read the other journals, particularly Abraham's memorandum. She then realized how much Abraham knew so much about Alucard and how much he loathed Alucard's being. She noticed how similar Anderson and her Great Grandfather's attitude were when it came to the topic of Alucard's annihilation. Afterwards, she read Jonathan's journal, saving Mina's journal to be the last. The spouses' journals were filled with fear, sorrow, and despair but they were also filled with hope, courage, and love. As she read, she felt what they went through; fighting for justice and righteousness, to keep England safe from the great dangers that Dracula held but most of all, to protect their friends and one another. At the end of reading Mina's journal, she noted the warning that Mina left to her descendants– that they should be cautious of the blood that ran in their veins. This gave her a grave and uneasy feeling.

She read and understood what happened in their era… It made her confused to see Alucard now because there's a huge difference between the past him and the present him. She paused to read the other journals left by Quincey's descendants and the letters. She glanced shortly at Alucard who was still in the same position before she read the journals. But deep within her, there was temper escalating after what she read. She hid it with her usual façade and continued to read what Quincey's descendant had written…

In Quincey's generation to the following, everything was peaceful– they lived peacefully. The Harker's family expanded until it reached the three cousins' generation but their peace was shattered when the monster within them made its presence and took control of them. She read and read the last remaining journals and fathomed their side of the story. She then understood what Alucard faced that night. Lastly, the letters… When she opened one, she immediately recognized that the handwriting was of her great grandfather's. There were a bundle of them and she quickly read all of them… It contained Abraham's experimentations with Alucard. He was updating the Harkers of Alucard's being. During that time, Alucard was captured and was under Abraham's dominance. He was being experimented and was tamed. After seven years, Abraham came to visit the Harkers and their child… Quincey Harker. The letter ended with Abraham's letter, telling the Harkers that he would come to visit them.

Integra was amazed at what her great grandfather had accomplished but she was still upset... Hours passed and they remained in the same position. Alucard never moved an inch until Integra finished everything. She didn't react to any of its contents nor to the deep, buried, unknown truth. She felt like she knew it before she could even know the truth itself but she wasn't emotionally prepared for it….

His thoughts were a mess and she contemplated about everything that happened. She needed enlightenment just as he did because she was madly infuriated with him. She fixed the books and letters aside, and crossed her legs.

"Alucard… I want to hear everything from you. I want to hear your thoughts. Tell me everything." She said almost calmly.

He slowly raised his gaze towards hers. Her eyes burned like hell before him. Was this his punishment? Was this his righteous retribution? He thought that it would be a torture for him to tell her everything and it would be a fit punishment for his crimes…

"Master… Where do you want me to start?" He said, emotionless.

"Everything, Alucard. I want to hear you." She said, displaying the same façade as he does.

"The dhampirs were Harkers. The three of them awakened what they really were. The girl was able to show me what happened because she also had clairvoyance. One of them, his name is Jude. His mother had read Mina's caution in one of those journals. Mina revealed in that journal that she could still feel the monster inside of her. She became human but my essence still lied in her bones; within her."

"She said that the later descendants should be careful not to awaken what's been hiding in their blood. But something happened… Tell me, Alucard. You should know what awakened it, especially that it originated from you."

"It was fear, Master… The same fear that all of your great grandfather's companions felt when they faced me. The fear of death, standing in front of them… The fear of a monster… It was inevitable. Fear filled their hearts and minds. The three cousins were the ones to awaken it because they faced their death. And it was not just death… But it was the fear of killing and being killed by a loved one. When they became dhampirs that evening, they killed all of their family members, not leaving one alive. It was intense madness that awakened their pure fear that awakened what they are. They hunted for clues and planned their revenge when they knew I still exist. They fed for three years, causing havoc, and bringing us all the trouble. Their abilities as a vampire would match mine. They managed to manipulate people to keep themselves hidden by hypnotizing them. Everytime they caused trouble, they'd bend the wills of local officials to make false events."

Integra kept quiet. She knew those already… She waited for the exact answers to come out of his mouth…

"Their crimes came clean and they were thorough of their actions… No evidence was left… And the girl…" He paused. "She looked exactly like Mina… The fear that they felt and awakened their true nature… Mina experienced them. She felt damned, unclean, and terrified. She told her husband to kill her if the time demanded him to kill her without hesitation. But Abraham told her that she held her own life if the situation called for it. Mina agreed… Those journals shouldn't even be here because I know I burned them all… I never knew they had a copy…" Alucard chuckled but the gloom was evident.

Alucard looked at her, eyes not giving anything away but they were soft. Integra looked at him back, analyzing his stare. In the end, she asked "Besides your anger, why did you turn her into a vampire?"

Alucard knew she'd asked this. He knew it was time for him to be judged by his master whom he willingly submitted to. It was time for him to loosen up to someone he deemed his equal, someone who might understand him. But it never occurred to him that Integra might have known something about him that he didn't and she's asking him so that she could hear the words come from his mouth.

"It was revenge, Master. You know that I'm not to be defeated. I will never allow myself to be defeated. They all knew too much about me. They wanted to avenge Lucy. They purified the estates I've purchased so I made them suffer." He said in a low tone but filled with his undead pride.

"But you were defeated and bounded by my bloodline, Alucard. Don't give me that crap. I know you still want to tell me something else." She said in a slightly raised tone, trying to suppress the temper welling up within her.

He stopped at her words. She was right. He kneeled both his legs and bowed lower before her. His action elevated her temper. She tried to control her anger again when she saw him but she couldn't. She was already biting her teeth. Her anger was obvious even if it was well-hidden.

"Then… would you believe something else, Master?"

"Believe what, Alucard? That you loved her? Was that the reason why you led Mr. Harker to your castle? Was that the reason why you wanted to come to England? Tell me the truth, Alucard. Even if you keep your mouth shut, I know there's something else; there's something deeper. Tell me." Integra said as calmly as she possibly can, grasping the control left in her.

Even though what she said were merely questions, her words could've killed him with every letter from every word that came out of her mouth. He didn't need anything to know her wrath. She was already at the peak of her anger. She couldn't hold it much longer…

Before he could reply, she said: "A monster like you can't love. You don't have emotions because you abandoned them the moment you chose to be a monster. So don't tell me you loved her."

She couldn't believe what she was saying and what she heard from him... She couldn't bear to think about what he did. It was wrong. It was the work of the devil himself. But it was done. It had passed. And she couldn't help but get angrier because she couldn't do anything about the crimes that her vampire had done eras ago.

He had done the vilest thing any monster could ever do... He feasted on her blood for nights then hypnotized her in his trance and turned her into a vampire. He tore his cloth off to reveal his chest then slashed a nail on it for his own blood to ooze. He grabbed the back of Mina's head and forced her face to his bleeding wound while her husband was in a deep stupor…

All those happened in one night in the same room where the couple had slept…

"On the bed beside the window lay Jonathan Harker, his face flushed and breathing heavily as though in a stupor. Kneeling on the near edge of the bed facing outwards was the white-clad figure of his wife. By her side stood a tall, thin man, clad in black. His face was turned from us, but the instant we saw we all recognized the Count, in every way, even to the scar on his forehead. With his left hand he held both Mrs. Harker's hands, keeping them away with her arms at full tension. His right hand gripped her by the back of the neck, forcing her face down on his bosom. Her white nightdress was smeared with blood, and a thin stream trickled down the man's bare chest which was shown by his torn-open dress. The attitude of the two had a terrible resemblance to a child forcing a kitten's nose into a saucer of milk to compel it to drink."

He soon retreated when their companions came to Mina's rescue and that he had no time left for dawn was approaching…

She thought and remembered. God, she kept on grasping… grasping the last ounce of her control…

She had read what her great grandfather and his companions witnessed. She had a vision of it while she read the passage and gripped the journal tight. She tried to let her anger be disregarded to avoid something that'll cause an issue if ever Seras or Pip witness their affair. Her train of thoughts were disturbed when Alucard confessed in an audible whisper…

"I, too, can love, Master." He admitted and it was her turn to abruptly stand from his throne. She raised her arm as if to hit him but she stopped midway. She trembled due to her wrath. She reached for her composure and her control. She lowered her arm... there was nothing she could do… the past is past. It was done but the result was worse. The result opened to a lot of opportunities and possibilities– good, bad, and worse. If dhampirs were born and continued to exist, that would mean that there would be havoc for God-knows how long… Integra clenched her fists so tight that they over-stretched her skin and bled.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Alucard. Did you desire her? Tell me!" Alucard took a moment of silence before he answered.

"Yes…"

That was when Integra exploded, kicking him, and sending him to crash to the sidewall, and before he fell, she sped to crush his neck against the wall with one hand, preventing him from falling. She raised him so that she could glare at him. Alucard felt helpless and he didn't do anything but to look at her with his eyes in an emotionless depth. They stayed like that for a long time. Integra couldn't handle what had happened but she needed to. There was something inside her that she couldn't turn away now. The years had made her something different and it almost made her mad. She released Alucard, letting him fall on his feet, to his knees, then his hands.

He's a monster who tested her, angered her, and even turned her into the same monster that he is.

She chuckled sarcastically. "You call that love? You really are a monster, Alucard. You were desperate then."

There was a long pause and Alucard spoke in a quiet voice...

"When Jonathan came to Transylvania, he had a picture of his wife. I found it along with his papers and photographs of the estates… Jonathan accidentally mixed a picture of her when we were discussing over the properties. I saw it and I thought of how beautiful she was… She was one of the rarities a monster could find. It was then that alongside my want to go to England, I wanted her. It was the perfect revenge and perfect plan to make her mine… I could have both… But I was bested and was kept under your bloodline for eternity."

Integra grabbed his collar and raised him to look at her. "You disgust me, Alucard. You truly disgust me…"

She lied. In fact, she was also disgusted with herself. She never told anyone, not even Seras, about her regrets. Her mind was as messed up as Alucard's in the same moment and the both of them were struggling for enlightenment. She held herself back. She didn't want the monster inside her to take over and let her remaining humanity be cauterized by it. Alucard wanted to reach out to her but he was in no position to do so. Instead, he told her…

"Punish me, Master… Do whatever you like with me. I will do as you please."

"No. That wouldn't satisfy the both of us." She chuckled in self-derision and whispered. "Love… How ironic… for someone like you… tell me, Alucard. How does a monster like you love? Is it deprivation? Is it desperation? Or maybe because of loneliness? Or maybe your boredom brought you to try something else? Don't tell me it's all of those. Don't tell me that you had nothing better to do then you'd be very miserable." Her words just pierced his heart, cut off his head, and burned his whole body into ashes.

"Being immortal… No. Having lived for centuries will bring those to you. Not only boredom, Master. You'll find yourself wanting to cling onto something so that you would remain your sanity. Having all those memories is not easy to handle. They will haunt you. They will make you regret. They will make you cry out for death. And because of the power of immortality, you will never achieve peace." Will she understand? Given her current state, she can but the years she has lived in it is not enough. She still has a long way to go for her to completely understand him.

Integra gave out a mocking chuckle. "You forced her to drink your blood so that she'll be eternally yours?! So that you'll have her in any way you want? Do you think that she'd become yours if you turned her?! Fuck you! That is not love! That's madness! That's obsession!" She shouted in all her wrath. It echoed in the whole chamber.

"Integra… If you're ang–"

"Of course, I am!" She growled as her body shook out of the intense feeling she was experiencing. It took her time to calm down…

"Tell me… Do you still want that now?" She wanted to continue her phrase but her mouth refused to compel.

Do you still want to love? Are you still searching for that? Did you turn Seras into a vampire in search for hope that she could love you?

She said her words mockingly but softly in her last question. She knew it was their decision to become vampires– Seras fighting for her life and her, continuing her duties left by legacy. And yet, she felt pissed. She tried to recall that it was all in the past. But did he change? He did. She realized it. Her anger got the better of her and said things that she knew that pierce through his own undead soul.

"Yes." He admitted.

She realized what angered her the most… She realized that she was just as mad as him– she was no different than him. What he understood as love has the same definition that she believed in. What he declared a monster such as himself would have no boundaries to herself. Both of them were monsters in different circumstances. He was human in the trappings of the monster and she was a monster in the trappings of man. She knew that about Alucard that even he, himself, didn't acknowledge.

Integra stared at him as she gently let him go. She completely calmed down. He looked at her, his eyes in deep sorrow.

"How would a monster like you know how to love? Didn't you refuse care anymore? Didn't you abandon your human emotions? Or is all your talk of being a monster just a façade to hide your true self?" She still couldn't believe it and didn't realize that she just asked him the questions that she already knew what the answers were.

"I never realized it, Master… I kept my humanity while I acknowledged myself as a monster. And yet, I fail to completely abandon them. Undead as I am, I still dream of the past: every failure, every mistake, and every regret I had always haunted me. But it seems like all these years of serving your bloodline gave me what I deserved and yet did not deserve. I deserved the punishment of being a prisoner and I didn't deserve this small yet pleasurable freedom. So Master… I maybe a monster but deep inside, the human me still surfaces."

"I see." We're all humans and monsters at the same time. There's no distinction.

She became solemn, in deep thought. "Why did you do this? Why are you telling me all of this, Alucard?"

Alucard looked at her…

"Aren't you going to punish me, Master? After all that I've done?" Integra sighed. She realized that his actions were because of guilt and he was urging her to punish him.

"It's done, Alucard. It was in the past. We can't do anything about it and you've attained your retribution for eternity." She turned her heels, walked back to the sofa, picked the book she dropped, and continued to read it.

After a while, Alucard sat next to her and laid his head on her lap. Integra was going to protest but instead, she felt compassion for him. She allowed him to calm on her lap and she hesitantly stroked his mane…

This is the vampire that ever angered her to her extent…

Her very insufferable vampire.

She knew various things about Alucard that no one else could ever have. The other vampire calmed to her touch and stayed there as he gathered his thoughts. Integra looked at him and she couldn't help but loosen up, letting all her frustrations go. She can't stay mad at him forever. She had to admit that he is one of the reasons why she strides the path she took years ago. She committed herself to her decision and that she will not falter. That's what she promised herself…

What matters the most is the present time… The past had happened and we only need to give little thoughts for the future ahead of us. I've always known what the important things to me are. The path I've chosen would be a completely extreme struggle but this is what I've chosen to do. Alucard… I'm doing this for you…

Integra thought as she unconsciously continued to stroke his head.

Without a word, the both of them found their answers in the depth of their silence.

A/N: In Hellsing Ultimate and the manga, Kouta Hirano-san didn't include Jonathan Harker in the group. I wondered why he did that. But after I rewatched and reread the anime and the manga, I get the idea that he took both Dracula (by Bram Stoker) and Nosferatu (1922 silent film) as references. But in this fic, I somewhat did the same. Here's the difference between the two references:

In Bram Stoker's Dracula, there was NO photograph of Mina Harker anywhere but I put that there for... I have my reasons and I'll reveal them in the future chapters, ok? Next! Hirano-san used the 'dawn'. In the book, our heroes raced against dusk, not the dawn. It was only in Nosferatu that Count Orlok (Dracula) was burned to ashes by the sunrise.

So... I wanted to give some justice to Jonathan Harker because he's like Mina's knight, he was the one who decapitated Dracula in the book. For those who doesn't know, these are my research. Haha!

I wanted some tension between Alucard and Integra that's why I came up with this mix of plot and references. What else did I miss?

The title comes from "Down with the Fallen" by Starset and this is one of my favorite chapters. I loved this very much. And so very sorry for the late update. I had the longest writer's block in the next chapter but hopefully, I can continue writing since I've finished it. *smiles* And lastly, I will organize the events accordingly and try to update as soon as possible.

I hope you all liked this chapter as much as I do. Haha. As always, reviews, suggestions, and PMs are always welcome~

Tschüß und Auf Wiedersehen!