Chapter 13 – The Dream of the Servant

As it turned out, Arevalo left in the wardrobe outfits for the three of them, expensive-looking and eye-catching.

"Not that we ever go unnoticed, but this isn't going to help." Kaito played with the gold cuffs of his new white coat. It was rather amusing in itself that Arevalo got him an even fancier version of this father's uniform, but to top it off, she had even decided to provide him with a new muffler, though glossier and more decorated than his usual light blue one. Now the three of us look all shiny and fancy and completely unfit for the road, he thought with a smile, glancing at the mirrors lining the inside of the wardrobe's doors.

"Maybe it's for the best. If we look like important people, we have a better chance to be taken seriously at Shinwa," Gakupo replied from his spot on the bead, sitting next to Luka. He was wearing a white and purple uniform, with his hair in a low ponytail. Luka was only missing a crown to look like a princess in her silky new gown.

"I guess so," Kaito conceded. He turned to look back at his reflection once more, trying to mask his dissatisfaction. This wasn't his father's coat. He didn't care how comfortable or elegant it was, it simply wasn't. Now he had nothing left of Captain Fuuga, and all because he had been stupid enough to get hurt.

The thought, however, brought a question to the forefront of his mind. He returned his gaze to the other two, curious. "How did you manage to defeat that green lady and her friend?"

Gakupo and Luka startled, then displayed almost identical expressions of discomfort. However, before Kaito said anything else, Gakupo motioned for him to sit down on one of the sofas. "Please sit down."

"What's wrong?"

"See…" Gakupo trailed off for a couple of seconds. "Back in Oto, everyone was always afraid the beast would take over my body or use it to be reborn, right?"

Kaito nodded.

"Verdigris told me that wasn't possible. He said the beast was dead, that I was just using her presence inside of me as fuel for my magic."

"And?"

Gakupo hesitated. Luka jumped in, her voice low and serious. "She's nowhere as dead as everyone thinks, because she helped us defeat Blanca and Castelo."

"What?!"

"When we saw what they did to you, something inside of us burst open. She came to us, shielding us and strengthening our attacks. I think she considers us her children." Luka closed her eyes, trying to recall that voice urging her to stand up and fight. "She guided my bow and Gakupo's sword."

"The beast is our ally…" Kaito muttered, looking down at the floor with shock. He laughed a little, suddenly remembering all the times he had silently cursed at her for taking Gakupo away from him. Apparently, she wasn't the vindictive sort.

"When all of this is over, I think we should research more about her. Where she came from, and if they are more beings like her…or us." Gakupo stood up and helped Luka to her feet. They continued holding hands, a gesture that seemed more natural every time Kaito saw it.

"Anyone else hungry? I'm starving, let's go find some food!" Kaito turned away somewhat awkwardly and approached the door. It was a convenient way to mask his jealousy, but it was also the truth. His body seemed to have used all his reserves of energy to heal itself.

Kaito opened the door and poked his head out. From what he could see, they were upstairs, at the end on a corridor painted with soothing colors. Although definitely an inn, this place though, was much more elegant than any place Luka and he had ever visited. Perhaps it was finally time to take things easy for a little while, and enjoy their visit.

Maika sat in the darkness of the palace's dungeons, hugging her knees. After crying for so many hours, her head felt as achy as if it had been used as the ringer of a giant bell.

What had she done wrong? She tried so hard to be everything her mage needed. She had worked endlessly day by day and kept herself as pretty as nature allowed. She was nothing but a lowly commoner, but she had done her best. Why didn't her mage instruct her, if something wasn't being done to his satisfaction? Why didn't he allow her to stand by his side, to avoid this terrible thing from happening? Why? Why?

It had been so heartrending to wake in his bed, in the quiet and empty bedroom. After the effects of the potion wore off, Maika ran outside, grabbed the first guard she saw by the surcoat and demanded to know if he had seen the foreigners and her mage. The soldier, confused, replied that Gakupo and his guests were at the stables.

By the time Maika arrived to that section of the palace, they were long gone. According to the servants, Gakupo requested the foreigners' horses and personal effects were returned to them, and rode off with the pair of his own free will. But Maika knew better; he had been tricked somehow; all because she wasn't there to protect him.

She examined the events from multiple angles, almost savoring her guilt. She deserved punishment for her carelessness. Master Verdigris would surely make an example of her, for the education of the next girl to join the service. Maika grimaced, but it wasn't exactly a novel thought. Many hoped to enter the palace and stand in the presence of the mages. She had proven herself unworthy, so someone else would come take her place. Besides, that wasn't her main concern at the moment.

I hope they don't hurt him, she thought for the millionth time. It was unthinkable, even from a cold, pragmatic stance; any rational leader of a nation should see the advantage of capturing a mage, even a young one. But the problem was, Oto and Shinwa were anything but places ruled by rationality.

'They were planning to behead him and burn his body tomorrow', said Master Verdigris in her memories.

Maika pulled at the fabric of her uniform's skirt, stifling a cry, although inside she was howling. Not my mage! Burn the whole world, it's horrible and full of worthless people anyway! Burn everything and everyone else but him!

As far as she could remember, she had never been allowed to own anything; not even the clothes on her back were truly hers. But Gakupo had been hers, at least for a while. He had allowed her to use his name and eat in his presence. He had called her friend and refused to take any other girls. He shared his fears and smiles with her. He touched her and let her touch him. Just one of those things would've been more than enough to astonish her. Placed all together, they continuously threatened to overwhelm her with joy.

Now it was all over. Master Verdigris would surely bring Gakupo back or at least avenge him. But Maika was back to being dispossessed and alone.

Suddenly, the door to the cell opened and Maika was momentarily blinded by the light outside.

"Get up," a male voice commanded her. After her eyes accustomed to his lantern, Maika noted it was a soldier. She complied in silence and exited the cell when prompted.

The walk to Master Verdigris's personal workshop was unlike any other she had ever experienced. Many servants seemed to know what had happened: most looked at her with either loathing or consternation, only a few with pity. She stared right ahead avoiding their gaze, her eyes fixed on the back of the soldier's helmet.

Instead of being escorted to Master Verdigris' private study, as she expected, Maika found herself walking through the laboratories. The assistants there gave her haughty looks or ignored her and the soldier completely. The warmage was waiting for Maika inside the most secluded room, a square space with a round engraved platform in the center, surrounded by strange mechanisms and tables full of equipment. The soldier bowed to their leader and left without sparing Maika a single glance.

Maika kneeled on the floor under Master Verdigris' stone glare and waited.

"I'm very disappointed in you," the warmage stated after a long uncomfortable pause. "To lose Gakupo at this point in time, when the continent is going to be engulfed in war…do you realize the extent of your crime?" He shook his head. "No, of course not, how could you even comprehend what you have done to the future of this nation?"

The warmage pulled a sort of rosary out of his robes, and showed it to Maika. "This allows me to keep watch on their life essence." One of the beads, of a deep green color, was cracked. "Blanca is dead…the idiotic girl convinced Castelo to go hunt for Gakupo and his kidnappers without my consent, and now she is lost to us and Castelo is severely wounded."

Maika's eyes widened. She didn't particularly care about any of those two (in fact, it was about time they were punished for their past transgressions), but how could those foreigners manage such a feat?

"In all likelihood, they've turned Gakupo against us." Verdigris examined the beads grimly and poked one that was clear as crystal. "And he's so distant this artifact can't even detect him." His eyes turned towards hers. "And that's why you're here."

Maika blinked.

"I'm willing to give you an opportunity to atone for your sins, Maika. Not only that; with your help, I can make sure Gakupo is found and returned to us quickly."

"How?"

"Do you wish to see him again?"

"Yes!"

"If I gave you the means, would you search for him until the world ends?" Verdigris moved closer, affixing her with an intense stare.

"Yes!" Involuntarily, tears began to roll down Maika's cheeks. "I'd do anything to save him!"

Verdigris nodded. "Very good. Stand in the platform, go on. Now, sing and think of Gakupo, think of how much he needs your help. Don't stop singing, no matter how much it hurts."

Maika jumped to her feet and rushed to stand where the warmage indicated. Since he gave her no indication of what to sing, she chose a ballad she usually sang while combing Gakupo's hair. She closed her eyes and focused on her memories and on how much she missed him already.

She didn't see what Verdigris was doing. She barely paid any attention to his humming of an incantation, and the sounds of the gears coming to life within the mechanisms surrounding the platform. She thought of her mage, even as her skin was covered in goose bumps and her hair stood up on end, guided by mysterious energies.

It was over in a flash. Before her singing could turn into an agonized scream, the light bathed her, penetrated her and shredded her. The last sight her eyes saw was the red inside of her eyelids, illuminated with the lightning that transformed her. Unbearable heat and pressure twisted her body. Her life was reduced and purified into a few single notes, her heart condensed into a single emotion. She was no more, she would last forever.

Maika was dead. Maika dreamed of happiness. Maika wasn't Maika anymore.

By the time Kaito, Gakupo and Luka descended to the ground floor of the inn, the sun was beginning to plunge behind the horizon. For a few minutes, the trio stood by the entrance, looking at the surrounding city of Teolene. The inn was in the highest point of a small hill, overlooking a beautiful lake. The buildings spread out next to the water were mostly wooden homes, painted in many bright colors; at that hour, they shared the orange hue of dusk. It was a very picturesque sight, befitting the city's primary appeal as a place of relaxation for wealthy citizens of the nearest nations.

"I don't suppose you want to travel the roads at night?" Kaito asked.

"It depends, how long do we have until Verdigris invades Oto?" Luka replied, eyeing Gakupo.

Gakupo played with a strand of his hair, thinking. "Well, a number of the troops travel by sea, so it depends on the winds…but we can wait until morning, definitely."

"Sounds good to me," Kaito said with a grin.

They turned around and approached the receptionist's counter; the elegant man behind it took one look at them and bowed deeply.

"You must be the guests Lady Arevalo entrusted to our care. Sirs, Lady, please, your table is waiting," the clerk gestured with his head in the direction of the inn's dining area.

"Are the monetary arrangements settled?" Gakupo asked cautiously.

"Yes, do not worry. Lady Arevalo left a generous sum, and promised to pay for any additional services." The clerk turned to one of the serving staff at the door of the dining area, across the room. "Show our guests their table, Mari."

"Please follow me." Once they were near, the girl bowed and entered the dining area.

"By the looks of this place, we're about to have a very posh dinner," Kaito commented. "Another new experience for us, right Luka?"

"For sure," Luka replied with a small smile. She turned to Gakupo and added, "I'm afraid neither of us is really all that good at cooking…but I do recall someone saying they knew to cook tuna in interesting ways."

"Rossemara liked my cooking, so I decided to learn different recipes," Gakupo replied, with a touch of wistfulness. "I think I'm pretty decent at it by now."

"Say you know how to make desserts and I'm proposing right here," Kaito joked.

Luka looked away with an odd expression for a second before affixing a neutral smile on her face. As for Gakupo, he laughed a bit awkwardly, like someone not fully used to that particular display in public, but he didn't seem too perturbed.

Mari reached a table by the windows and turned towards them with a graceful motion and a flourish of her arm. Once they were seated, she rushed to the kitchens to get their drinks.

Kaito studied the other two, resting his head on his hands. Giving the other problems they were facing at the moment, it was poorly-timed to openly make passes at Gakupo, but just once, he wanted to gauge Luka's reactions. So far, she didn't seem too accepting.

What if Luka makes him choose between the two of us? You know you'll lose. The voice was tiny and cold. It had nothing to do with the impulse that made him protect others and cherish their safety and happiness. No, this was the voice of his selfishness, the voice that smugly said 'I knew it,' when he saw Luka's weakness, two years ago.

This isn't a competition and he isn't a prize. They are both my friends. If they are happy, I will be happy too. Enough of this.

"Kaito, are you ok?" Gakupo asked. "Does your chest still hurt?"

Only when I think about you, buddy. "I'm ok," Kaito smiled and patted the front of his coat. "I could wrestle that furry colleague of yours to the ground with one hand."

"Speaking of which, could you tell us more about the other mages?" Luka asked. "If we're going to fight them, we'll need to know what we going against."

Gakupo's expression shifted slightly. "Well, you've already seen what Castelo can do…and Blanca isn't a problem anymore."

"Not that I had much opportunity to speak with her before she splatted me, but she didn't seem too fond of you."

"She never did forgive me for punching her in the face," Gakupo said sheepishly.

"You what?!" Luka spat, eyes wide as saucers.

"She and Castelo were assaulting me!" Gakupo fixed his eyes on the tablecloth, flustered.

"Sounds like she earned it," Kaito said, allowing his alarm to color his casual words. What exactly had been going on during Gakupo's time with the mages? "They didn't…hurt you, did they?"

Gakupo waved with both hands, as if sweeping away the unspoken insinuation. "Blanca never really stopped accosting me, but it didn't get that far."

At that point, the serving girl returned with wine and fresh bread. The conversation stopped while she filled their glasses and took the rest of their order. After she left, and they were by themselves in the ample dining room, Gakupo resumed talking, steering back the conversation to the issue of the mages' capabilities. He plainly didn't want to keep dwelling on the subject of his antagonistic relationship with Blanca.

"Let's see… Invicto was in charge of most of my combat training, given that he has elemental-based powers like us. In his case, it mostly manifests as water and ice. He's really powerful at long-range, but physically he's pretty fragile." Gakupo sipped from his cup, thinking. "My best matches against him were those when I got in melee range."

"He was your teacher? Maybe we can convince him not to fight us at all," Luka ventured.

"I doubt that," Gakupo replied flatly.

"Um, okay. What about Rossemara, then?"

Gakupo took another sip from his cup, this time rather substantial. "She's very good at creating constructs out of anything she can get her hands on. One day, we went to the woods and she made the ground rise; it took the shape of a giant, and she and I rode on his shoulders all the way to the mountains." He fiddled with the cup, as if suddenly it was the most interesting thing he had ever seen.

"What is it?"

Gakupo pushed the cup aside and looked at Kaito in the eye. "I'm not going to fight her."

"We may have no choice," Kaito reminded him softly.

"She was very good to me, from the start."

"You can stand aside if you want, but I'm not going to let anyone hurt you or Luka," Kaito replied stubbornly.

"We understand how you feel, but we need to work together," Luka pointed out, touching Gakupo's hand lightly. "Besides, is too early to say for certain what will happen. Arevalo already let us go, maybe Rossemara won't intervene either."

"I suppose so," Gakupo conceded, his other hand rose to rub his right temple. "Verdigris keeps bemoaning how soft and benevolent she is; he can't simply order her to hunt us down and expect a good result."

"So we just need to worry about Invicto, Verdigris and Castelo. Doesn't sound that bad," Kaito said, affecting a tone of confidence.

"That's plenty enough to worry," Gakupo replied.

Then, a numerous group of travelers entered the dining area and were seated close by. From the looks of it, they were a raucous and affluent family on vacation; many of its members shot interested glances at Kaito, Gakupo and Luka and nodded respectfully.

"I think we should continue this conversation later," Luka whispered, leaning forward. The other two nodded.

Far away in Alm-Ardjalus, Verdigris sat in his study. The surface of the desk before him was covered with maps of the continent and reports. He had one such report in front of him, but wasn't making much progress, try as he might. Behind his chair, Milena stood impassive as always, massaging his shoulders.

"You'll find him."

"Hm?"

"The boy, you'll find him."

Verdigris voiced a little grunt of acknowledgement. "Invicto is right; I've conducted this matter poorly. I knew it was possible to murder other fragments without harm to Gakupo, and it would in fact allow him a more direct connection with the beast. I should've killed the other two."

"He was in danger of freezing. You made the right choice to prioritize his survival." Milena kneeled by his side and Verdigris distractedly petted her hair, focusing his eyes on a small velvet bag on the table. The warmage took it in his hand and felt a little tug, as if an invisible thread was pulling him to the north.

"Is that Maika?"

"What's left of her, yes," Verdigris smiled. "I devised this procedure ages ago, but I never found a good use for it until now."

"It's a shame it had to come to this," Milena said, leaning her head against Verdigris' thigh.

"This might be the only way to track him down now. It's very fortunate that the girl was so desperate for affection. All that Gakupo had to do was to smile in her direction and she convinced herself that she was in love with him." Verdigris pressed the bag against his ear, like a seashell, and heard Maika's voice calling Gakupo, over and over and over in the faintest whisper. "You did a great job picking her, Milena."

At that instant, there was a knock on the door. Milena stood up and returned to her usual spot.

"You may enter," Verdigris said out loud.

The door opened and Rossemara walked in, giving the pair a quick nod. She seemed more restless than her usual self, but it was to be expected. She had doted on Gakupo as much as Verdigris had allowed; she clearly saw him as something close to a son.

"Have you heard anything about Gakupo?" She asked without preamble.

Verdigris shook his head and indicated Rossemara the seat before the desk. The woman plonked down and slumped forward with a sigh.

"I've devised a procedure to find him," the warmage stated. Rossemara immediately straightened up. "I need your help."

"Of course!"

The warmage placed the bag on the desk and pushed it in her direction. Before she could touch it, he warned her, "Do not open the bag. Just place it inside one of your constructs, and have it lead a squadron of your creations. You must instruct them to destroy anyone with him, with extreme prejudice."

"What if the construct gets destroyed?" Rossemara took the bag and weighed it with a curious expression on her face. "Can you make another of this?"

"Not likely. But there's no need for it, it has a return spell woven into the fabric. If your construct gets destroyed, it will warp back to me."

"Shouldn't I go personally?"

"No, I need you here. Invicto and I are leaving for the front, Castelo is still recovering and Arevalo apparently decided it was a great moment to go on a trip. Someone needs to stay and protect Alm-Ardjalus."

Rossemara nodded. "I can't understand what Ary is thinking, deciding to go to the Glittering Sands right now."

"I'll take care of that issue later." Of all the mages, Arevalo was perhaps the most disappointing one Verdigris had ever recruited, if he considered her potential versus what she actually brought to the table. Still, one problem at a time. "We need to focus on retrieving Gakupo first."

"Poor dear…Going back to the people that abused him like that," Rossemara lamented.

"That's how it works, doesn't it? The abused often believe they deserve their fate and stay with their tormentors," Verdigris said gravelly. "You see why I have to give the attack on Oto priority? He'll never be free of them otherwise."

"I hate to resort to such violent means," Rossemara shook her head. "But if what you say about that town is true, I'll choose him over them every time."

"Indeed." At least Rossemara had no illusions regarding the insurmountable gulf between mages and commoners. When it came down to it, at least he could count on her to protect the younger members of their group.

"I'd better get to work then, if you excuse me."

"Go on."

Rossemara lifted herself heavily from the chair and exited the room, grasping the small velvet bag in her hands.

"Do you think she knows what that is?" Milena asked quietly, after the stout figure disappeared from view.

"She may have her suspicions. But as long as she thinks Gakupo is in danger, she'll do her job properly." Verdigris pinched the skin between his eyebrows tiredly.

"You should go rest. Tomorrow is going to be a long day." Milena calmly began stacking the papers on the desk, without waiting for an answer.

Verdigris observed her back, thinking. "…You know, I was thinking of marrying Gakupo to our daughter, just before this. What do you think?" He suspected what her reaction would be, but it pleased him to see her devotion to him.

As always, Milena didn't disappoint. She paused for a fleeting instant, then she turned to him. "We belong to you. Do as you please." Verdigris patted her cheek with a smile. It she had any magic inside of her, Milena would've been the perfect woman. Despite that blemish, the woman was still one of his most prized possessions, and an important remainder of what he hoped to accomplish.

"I honestly don't know why you like drinking," Gakupo said, with a rare hint of irritation in his voice. He was dragging Kaito back to their room, with zero assistance from Luka, who actually looked a little buzzed herself.

"Hey, you drank more than me!" Kaito replied pressing a finger against Gakupo's nose.

"I don't get drunk." Gakupo opened the door with some difficulty with his left hand. Kaito leaned on him with a skeptical look. "So I can drink as much as I want." Once the door was opened, he moved forward and dropped Kaito on the bed. Kaito rolled a few times from left to right, before he settled face-down with a laugh.

"Wait, you are saying you don't feel any fuzziness?" Luka walked inside, actually bumping a bit against the doorframe in the process. Since she pretended nothing had happened, Gakupo decided against saying anything and sat down on the bed casually next to Kaito's prone form.

"Yeah, back in the palace, I once snuck down to the wine cellar and just started uncorking whatever I could find." He had been in an extraordinarily bad mood that day, enough to warrant experimenting with the stuff that supposedly made people all cheery. But he had grown sick of the taste long before anything happened. "I simply can't get intoxicated, don't ask why."

"That's a weird ability to have." Luka sat on the nearest sofa, hugging her legs in a position that wasn't too appropriate for someone wearing skirts. Once again, Gakupo refrained from comment.

"Considering the other things we can do…" Gakupo shrugged.

Suddenly, Kaito rose up to grab Gakupo's shoulders from behind. "I need to tell you something, man. It's really important." With each word, he gave Gakupo a little shake.

"Huh?"

"I love you, like…a lot."

"Um, thank you."

"I mean it. I…looooove…youuuuu..."

"You're really important for me too, Kaito. Now please settle down." Gakupo felt his cheeks glowing red, as he strived to remain calm. Kaito was much more effective than any alcohol when it came to play havoc with his feelings.

Kaito leaned a bit forward and whispered more than loudly enough for Luka to hear, "Does she know you love me too?"

"Eh?"

"You said so last night! You woke me up, offering yourself to me!"

Gakupo swatted Kaito's hands and turned partially to face him. "What are you talking about?!"

Kaito peered at his flabbergasted expression; some of the fuzz of the alcohol seemed to wear off as his smile vanished. "…Oh."

"I don't recall talking with you after I returned to the hut last night…I'm really sorry." It was a bit disturbing to see how Kaito's good mood evaporated before his eyes. Then again, if what he was saying was true…a chill ran down Gakupo's back.

"That's ok," Kaito replied after a moment, lowering his eyes.

"No, tell us. What happened, exactly?" Luka asked in a weirdly opaque tone. Kaito and she looked at each other in silence, before he gulped audibly.

"Look, I don't mean to complicate things between you guys. But I'm just human, ok? If the man I love comes onto me like that, asking me to stay with him forever, how am I supposed to say no?"

Luka rose from the sofa like a toy on a spring, glaring at Gakupo. "Is this true?"

From the bottom of Gakupo's mind, a blurry thought surfaced briefly. A compelling voice, a guiding hand leading him to the cold outside of the hut. We must give him what he wants, or he'll leave us… Gakupo's mouth dropped, as he realized what that meant.

At this, Luka stumbled out of the room, fuming.

"Luka, wait!"

Before Gakupo could get up, Kaito grabbed a fistful of his jacket. "I'm sorry."

Gakupo shook his head, then frowned as a thought suddenly occurred to him. "I asked you to stay with me forever, and you said yes?" He pointed at himself, and Kaito nodded. "But you know, you have to know I can't abandon Luka."

"I know," Kaito replied in a mellow tone.

"And you are fine with that!?"

"If that's the only way I can be with you…" Kaito shrugged, then smiled when he saw Gakupo's incredulous stare. "Why is it so hard for you to accept how I feel?"

"I..."

"Think about it some time." Kaito leaned back on the bed and rolled onto his side, facing away. "Oh, and you're letting Luka get away. You might want to go after her before she goes too far."

That was true. "I'll be right back." Gakupo stood up and rushed outside.

"No, you won't," Kaito muttered.

When Gakupo arrived to the reception area, the clerk and a couple of serving girls were standing in front of the inn's exit with concerned expressions.

"Excuse me, did you see my friend?"

The clerk startled, then looked at him with a relieved expression. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir! The young lady just stormed out a few moments ago. I'm afraid I couldn't stop her in time."

The streets outside were quite dark, with a few lights here and there. He couldn't see Luka anywhere, but he could vaguely hear footsteps and the shuffling sound of her skirts. He screamed her name a few times, but there was no answer.

Gakupo sighed. "Could you lend me that?" He turned to the clerk and pointed to an oil lamp near the door. After the clerk nodded, Gakupo grabbed the light and stepped outside.

"Sir, please come back soon. We were about to close the doors for the night," the clerk said.

"I'll do what I can!" Gakupo yelled over his shoulder, already descending the path towards the main gate of the inn. In the dark, the pretty garden around the building was nothing but a collection of indistinct shadows.

"Luka, come back! Please talk to me!" Gakupo screamed again, when he reached the fence. Off to his right, in a street that lead to the lake, he saw a figure running away. It was hard to say for certain, but the silhouette seemed to have light hair.

He ran down the street and promptly found that the twists and turns of the road, although pleasant and picturesque in the daylight, were quite the hindrance in this particular instance. After a long stretch of road without any lamp-posts, Gakupo lost sight of the figure and the sounds of her movement faded in the distance. He was alone. Out of simple inertia, he continued walking towards the lake, until he reached a small wooden pier. The water was very calm, and very, very dark.

"There's no point in looking for her, is it? She doesn't want to be found," he whispered and placed down the lamp on the end of the pier, and sat down next to it. Maybe it was better to give Luka some time to calm down. For all he knew, maybe she was nearby, watching him from the shadows.

"Why did you think that was a good idea, beast?" He asked out loud, not really expecting an answer. He didn't need it; he already knew the selfishness and arrogance she represented. However, the most damning part was that he had gone along with it, accepting the suggestion implanted in his mind without finding anything wrong about it.

So on some level, I was fine with stringing Kaito along, just because I don't want to let him go. I keep sinking and sinking to new lows as a person…

Gakupo leaned on one of the poles of the pier, closing his eyes. Incredibly as it seemed, he was beginning to miss the simplicity and numbness of his life in the palace. Following orders was all he could do well, apparently. He wasn't a proper person, able to navigate life outside of a cage, if his current situation was any indication. Not even two days had passed since he was reunited with Kaito and Luka, and things had returned to the way they were two years ago: Luka running away from him and he was abusing Kaito's feelings just because he wanted someone to lean on.

I don't deserve to be happy.