Sunday, June 18th
"Alllll right! It's done," Peridot said, crawling out from underneath the pink computer console, holding a wrench.
"Are you sure?" Steven said, sitting in lawn chairs in Rose's Room next to Lapis, who was reading a book, and a tiny floating pink whale, who was choosing not to read anything. "I mean, that seemed kinda quick..."
Peridot grinned.
"Well, when you're a genius like me, repairing an extra-dimensional simulation module is trivial!" she said. "We'll simply need to reboot the system for it to activate the software-specific changes as well."
"So, um, you made it so the Room won't, y'know, try to hurt me anymore?" Steven asked. "'Cause I gotta tell you, that's happened a lot. And I mean a lot."
"Of course I've fixed it!" Peridot put her hands on her hips. "I can't imagine how you put this Room to any use before. The code is so antiquated, it's a wonder it even functions at all! And that's not even getting into the poorly optimized processor it was using. Luckily, I've overclocked it to make it almost decent, in addition to adjusting the cooling system to properly—"
"You do realize Steven and I have no idea what you're saying, right?" Lapis interrupted, without even looking up from her book.
"All the more reason you should try to keep up enough to properly bask in my radiance!" Peridot said, waving her free hand.
"You're delusional."
"Don't try to change me," Peridot said. "Now, all we have to do is reboot the system!"
Steven, who had started petting the tiny pink floating whale, grinned and said, "Yeah! And then we can go back to watching Buddies!" He glanced at Lapis and noticed a shadow of a smile on her face.
Peridot's eye twitched.
"If we must, I suppose..." she said slowly.
"Awww, but Lapis loves it so much!" said Steven.
Lapis simply shrugged as she turned a page in her book.
"It's alright," she said.
Peridot glared. "Lazuli, you made us watch it for five hours straight."
"Yeah. It's alright."
Peridot rolled her eyes.
"I honestly don't see the appeal," she said. "Nothing but a bunch of humans fussing over meaningless and finite romantic relationships while problems occur that never take longer than twenty-two minutes to resolve."
"That's not much different from Camp Pining Hearts, is it?" Steven spoke up. "I mean, you've watched every episode at least two hundred times already.
Peridot shot him a glare.
"Two hundred and thirty six, to be precise," she said, "and that's hardly a comparison! Camp Pining Hearts has a rich mythology, engaging characters with meaningful relationships, and is the best thing that's ever happened to me! They couldn't be more different. Allow me to explain." Peridot closed her eyes. "You see..."
"Weren't you supposed to be restarting the system?" Lapis cut in.
Peridot's cheeks turned a darker shade of green.
"Oh." She cleared her throat. "O-of course. That'll put some of the new changes into effect, yes. I just need it initiated by the administrator." There was a pause before Peridot glanced over at Steven. "Steven? That's you."
"Oh!" Steven placed the floating pink whale off to the side. He looked up at the pink clouds overhead. "Okay, Room. I need you to restart."
For a moment, there was no response. Then the entire room suddenly went dark, as if the power had been knocked out.
There was a thud.
"Ow!" cried Lapis.
"What? What's wrong?" Steven asked, frantically. It was so dark, he could hardly see Lapis next to him.
"I fell on my butt."
"Oh," Peridot's voice chimed in. "I, uh, probably should've mentioned that rebooting the system would get rid of any previously created objects until the restart takes effect. Heh, sorry, Lapis."
"Whatever," said Lapis.
There was a long silence as the room remained dark.
"Um... Peridot?" Steven said. "This restart is safe, right?"
"Of course! Perfectly, almost probably safe," Peridot said.
"Uhhh..."
A moment later, the Room brightened up, filling with pink clouds once again. Lapis picked herself up off the floor, rubbing her behind.
"See? What did I say? Perfectly safe!" Peridot grinned. "Feel free to bask in my genius."
Lapis looked around. "It looks exactly the same."
"Well of course it does! You can't just see software improvements. They have to be demonstrated! Observe."
Peridot looked up at the sky, before closing her eyes.
For a moment, Steven had no idea what Peridot was doing until he noticed all the pink clouds were turning a faint tinge of green.
"Ta-da!" Peridot said, raising her hands dramatically. "The simulation now responds to everyone's wishes, not just Steven's! I also coded in a failsafe, so the Room has to make sure everyone is happy. This way, if someone else is around, there's less chance they'll accidentally die!"
"That's great!" Steven said.
"And you don't even have to say them! It just read your thoughts! Brilliant? Yes, I know." Peridot preened. "And if you think that's cool, wait until you see the upgrades in realism! We just need to make something else."
Steven raised his hand high in the air.
"Oooh, oooh, I know!" he said. "You're gonna love this, Lapis."
He closed his eyes for a moment, concentrating on what he wanted really hard. When he opened his eyes again...
Warm lighting, wooden tables, and cushy seats gave everything a cozy feel. There was a counter along one side, behind it were several canisters arranged on a shelf. The distinct scent of coffee ground, tea leaves, and dried citrus hung in the air.
Steven whooped. "Yes!"
"A coffee shop?" Lapis raised an eyebrow. "But—"
"It's just like the one on Buddies!" Steven said. "Y'know, like where they all hang out and talk about relationship problems and stuff!"
Lapis's eyes widened as she looked around. The far corner looked exactly how it did when Robin and Alex broke up. The middle of the room had the same table where Tracy and Chase had their first date. And right in front of Lapis was a large couch where the whole cast would often meet and talk. She ran a hand along the armrest, feeling the soft upholstery under her fingertips.
"Oh yeah!" said Lapis, a smile tugging on her lips. "This is pretty cool!"
"Well yes, I suppose if one is easily impressed by a human business establishment." Peridot folded her arms and scowled. "But look at how real everything is! It's at least 20% more detailed in looks, smell, taste—"
"Taste? " Steven eyes flew wide open "But I can't eat anything in the Room. It always just poofs into clouds!"
"Until now!" Peridot said. "Here, allow me summon something you humans eat." Peridot closed her eyes.
A moment later, a pink cow appeared in the middle of the coffee shop. Steven flinched back as it let out a loud ' Moo! '
"I think that's, uh, a little too fresh for my tastes," Steven said.
Without prompting from Peridot, the pink cow poofed out of existence.
Of course, Steven remembered. The Room has to make everyone happy.
"Here, let me try," he said, his brow furrowing as he concentrated. Well, he was in a coffee shop after all, so...
A second later, a steaming cup of coffee appeared in his hand. Its rich scent, with the slightest hint of caramel and vanilla, wafted to his nose. He took a sip, and it was like the taste equivalent of a cuddle pile— warm and heavenly, with just the right amount of teeth-rotting sweetness that Steven oh so loved.
"That. Is. Delicious!" Steven cried. "And it didn't turn into clouds!"
"Oh no, it'll still turn into clouds when it enters your body," Peridot said. "It doesn't actually provide any sustenance, but you will be able to smell, taste, and feel it as if it's the real thing."
"...so it's not real food?" Steven said.
Peridot shrugged.
"Well, there's not much I can do about that," she said. "But that is no concern, as long as you don't stay in here for... How long does it take for humans to die without food or water?
"Um... a couple days, I think?" Steven said.
"Yes, well... " Peridot nodded. "Don't stay in here for that long, and you should be fine."
And that was just fine with Steven. He couldn't think of any situation where he would be in there for that long anyway.
Steven put his hands on his hips.
"Well, I gotta hand it to you, Peridot, this seems pretty great," he said.
Peridot beamed. "It's nice that you all are properly praising me in all the ways I so richly deserve."
"You are so modest," Lapis said, rolling her eyes.
"Wow, thanks!" said Peridot, without a hint of irony.
Steven reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. It was almost midnight. He sighed.
"Guess we should probably head back out," he said. "Maybe we could get in another episode of Buddies before I have to go to bed?"
Lapis smiled. "That could be fun."
"Honestly, I don't see why watching something like that is fun..." Peridot grumbled.
"It's just relaxing, you know?" Steven said. "It's—" He paused and put his hand to his forehead, gasping, "Wait... Waaaaait..." He was vibrating in excitement. "I just had the best idea ever!"
"Eh?" Peridot raised an eyebrow.
"Who needs to watch an episode of Buddies when we could be in one?!" Steven cried, bouncing on his toes. "We could pretend we're all college co-eds who hang out in the coffee shop as we navigate the complex yet humorous conflicts in our lives, just like the show! That way, you might appreciate it a little more, Peridot. And it'd be really, really fun! Right, Lapis?"
"It'd be fun for a laugh." Lapis shrugged.
Peridot folded her arms. "I don't know..."
Steven thought for a moment. Then he grinned widely as he said in his sweetest singsong voice, "We'd be able to see more of all the amazing improvements you've made."
Peridot's eyes sparkled .
"Well, I suppose we could do that for a little bit..." she said.
"Great!" Steven said. He looked around the coffee shop. "Let's see... We need some more people in here..."
There was a loud POMF! as Lars and Sadie appeared behind the counter.
"I hate Mondays," Lars said.
"Heh. Classic Lars." Steven snickered. "Hmm... Okay, who else?"
There was another POMF! as Greg appeared next to Steven.
"Hey! Cloud Dad!" Steven said. It really was impressive how realistic the cloud people seemed. Their expressions were sharp, focused, and perfectly in character— none of the glassy eyes or too-wide smiles the Room had produced before. "Hmm... What do you guys think?"
Lapis gave a tiny smile. "Hey Steven. You know how Buddies has a lot of dates and stuff on it?" Her smile widened as her tone shifted into a conspiratorial whisper. "Maybe you should have it make Connie."
Steven blushed.
"Whaaaaaaat are you talking about?" he said nervously. "I don't— Last time the Room made Connie, it didn't turn out good, so..."
"But Peridot made it so it'd be safe, right?"
"Yea– no. I mean, maybe? But..." Steven exhaled. "No, that'd be awkward."
"Nonsense!" Peridot scoffed. "We are simply asking you to make an identical replica of your third best friend for our entertainment. What's so awkward about that?"
" No ." Steven folded his arms over his chest. "No, absolutely not."
Just the idea of making a fake Connie again... It made Steven's insides squirm and run cold. He didn't even want to think about what could possibly—
Just then, there was a loud whirring sound.
Lapis looked around.
"Uh, what's making that noise?" she asked.
"Oh, it's nothing." Peridot waved her hand dismissively. "That's probably just the Room warming up to process something. It's fine."
The whirring turned into a grinding sound. Steven looked up towards the ceiling, a sinking feeling in his chest. The sound seemed to be coming from all directions now.
"Peridot, are you sure?" Steven said uneasily. "I don't think it's ever done this before."
"Trust me, it's fine," Peridot said.
The sound stopped.
"See? I told—"
There was a violent jolt beneath their feet. Lapis toppled to the floor.
"Lapis!" Steven cried.
Another jolt. Peridot was flung through the air and landed against a table.
"Okay!" Peridot shouted, her voice becoming more frantic with each word. "There is possibly a minuscule chance that things might NOT ACTUALLY BE FINE! "
The grinding sound returned, louder this time. To Steven's right, he saw Lars, Sadie, and Greg glitch in and out of existence— their smiles still frozen on their faces.
"Peridot, what is happening?!" Steven said, trying to maintain his footing as the ground shook.
"I don't know! I don't get it!" Peridot yelled. "IT'S SUPPOSED TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY!"
The tremors grew stronger. Steven could no longer stay standing and fell to his knees. He thought back on how this started, on what could've caused this. They were talking about Connie, and then the noise started...
He gulped. The noise started because he felt uncomfortable, but everyone else was fine. Like the Room couldn't decide on what to do... Like...
Like the Room was having trouble pleasing everyone.
"WAIT!" Steven shouted over the din. "I think it's because of me! It's trying to make everyone happy at the same time! Everyone! Think happy thoughts!"
"I CAN'T FOCUS ON THINKING ABOUT LAPIS'S BUTT AT A TIME LIKE THIS, STEVEN!"
Lapis craned her head up from the floor. "Wait... what?"
"WELL WE BETTER THINK OF HAPPY THOUGHTS QUICK!" Steven screamed. "IF WE DON'T, WHO KNOWS WHAT'LL HAPP—"
There was a screech so loud, Steven thought his eardrums were going to explode. His ears hurt. His eyes hurt. His head hurt. Everything hurt .
And then it stopped.
He wasn't sure why, but all of a sudden he felt... calm.
The ground stopped shaking.
No, that wasn't right. The ground hadn't been shaking at all, that was silly. He was just jittery, just so nervous about his date with Connie that he'd stumbled and tripped over nothing.
He got to his feet and just stood there in the middle of the coffee shop, taking everything in. The sights, the sounds... He took in a deep breath, filling his lungs with the warm, sweet smell of coffee and chocolate, of cookies and pie and other baked goods. Everything was good— no, great. And it was only going to get even better.
After all, he'd been looking forward to this since their first day in college...
He looked over at Peridot and Lapis. They both got up, and exchanged knowing smiles with him. They seemed a lot calmer now.
Happier.
Just like him.
But that was a good thing! Classes had been keeping them so busy lately, it felt like they were stretching at the seams from all the stress. It was nice that they'd finally found time to hang out together and just chill.
Steven took another deep breath and smiled. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this peaceful.
Really.
He couldn't remember.