SquallOfVIII - ah, I'll make a Valcup shipper of you yet! Haha. And thank you!
MidwestMexican - time will tell!
beautiful-mistakez - wouldn't that be something?
-HTTYD-
Mouth still tingling, belly still fluttering and nausea strangling everything in between, Hiccup keyed his ignition and apologised to Toothless for his loud exclamation.
"Don't worry buddy, you just take a nap. Lets go get Astrid ok?"
Hiccup was half tempted to steer his car off a cliff or into a wall as he started the engine. He hated himself for caving. He couldn't do it though, not to Astrid.
How could he have done that to Astrid? Now she had a brother who... he couldn't even admit it to himself.
As he eased the car from the car park, Hiccup didn't dare look around beyond the road. He was too scared to see Valka there with questions in her eyes for what he had done. Though she had initiated it, Hiccup should have stopped her. He shouldn't have given in.
Valka had eighteen years waiting to meet him. Her feelings being confusing and overwhelming made far more sense. Hiccup was just sick.
The entire drive back to Astrid, Hiccup was fighting tears and choking back sobs. He stopped a little way away from the outside of her college, taking several deep breaths to try and compose himself. Astrid was hugely perceptive, and not easily fooled. He needed to be calmer before she came out and saw him.
Naturally, Astrid wasn't fooled.
"Hey Toothless! I see you- Hiccup, what's wrong?"
Hiccup had no idea what to say to her. The truth was completely out of bounds.
"Is it about Valka? You don't have to talk about it, I promised you that. Just nod yes or shake no."
He nodded without thought, achingly grateful for Astrid giving him that option to stay silent about this particular topic. To keep his family seperate from his biological mother.
"Ok. Well, if you want to talk about it, I'm all ears but I know you have mixed feelings there" oh, Astrid had no idea "so I will leave that up to you. Can we stop at the store on the way home? I want to pick up some munchies for studying."
"Sure. Could do with doing a little shop anyway... let me check I have my badge with me."
Hiccup rooted in the glove box, finding his disabled driver badge that allowed them to park closer to the supermarket - his leg was aching fiercely from his running from Valka and he didn't want to risk trying to navigate the more dangerous car park when he couldn't move very fast.
"Toothless, if I leave you in the car someone might smash the window to free you so you'll have to sit outside."
"Can't you take him in?"
"Nope. Only guide dogs and those epilepsy ones tend to be allowed. He's a therapy dog."
Toothless was so well trained he happily sat tied to the outside when they got there, though Hiccup had yet another interaction with someone demanding to know why he was parking in the disabled bay. His response was always the same.
"I can take off my leg and hand it to you if you like?"
Their reactions were almost always the same - rapidly paling and excusing themselves. Occasionally, one apologised. Astrid growled menacingly which sped up the persons departure, then both turned to check on Toothless.
"You behave yourself. We won't be long."
Toothless plopped down and sat there; he had an amber strap on his harness that said he wouldn't attack, but it generally meant small children wouldn't get too close. Hiccup had had several complaints from people about their kids getting covered in drool. So he changed the green band to an amber one despite the fact Toothless was absolutely just a hugely friendly dog.
"Lets do this. You gonna be alright? You're already limping."
Gritting his teeth against a wave of pain, Hiccup nodded.
"Fine. Just no moving too fast."
Astrid nodded, probably inwardly frustrated at his slow pace but not complaining in the slightest as she kept pace with his slow hobble around the supermarket. She picked up beef jerky and fruit and nut snack packs, but she also picked up popcorn and Smarties and peanut butter cups. Hiccup grabbed cereal bars and flavoured water to keep in his room when he was drawing, then more basic necessities like eggs and milk.
"Don't forget we used the last of the bacon up."
"Wanna go grab some more? That fridge is the other end of the store now."
Astrid smiled and nodded, happily taking the small but would-be-painful trip in Hiccup's stead. With her presence gone for a minute, that guilty instance with Valka clouded his mind. It both exhilarated and disgusted him to remember, guilt a lead weight on his chest. Astrid came bounding back holding bacon, plus fresh chicken.
"You said you were gonna teach me how to make chicken nuggets, because you make them so well?"
"I did. We have everything else in or in the basket, I can do that."
That won him a happy smile from Astrid, which only confirmed his sickness more.
She wasn't his flesh and blood and Hiccup would rather cut off his other leg, or peel off his skin than so much as think of Astrid that way. Let alone touch her. Yet Valka was the woman he had come from, her DNA was imprinted within his own and yet these feelings had surfaced.
"You in there bro?"
Hiccup jerked out of his reverie, realising that he had been standing vacantly in the middle of a supermarket aisle.
"Yeah. Sorry, spaced out. Lets go get this bought."
Astrid helped him load the shopping into the car, he retrieved Toothless and they went home. The whole time his hands shook unless they were clenched so tight on the wheel that his knuckles turned white, his leg pulsed dully with pain and tears threatened behind his eyes.
"Take Toothless in, I'll bring the shopping in. You can barely stand."
"You sure?"
"Positive. Keys. Now shoo!"
Hiccup handed her the car keys so she could lock the boot after, opened the back door to let Toothless out and headed straight to the house. He groaned in pain as he sat down, immediately wriggling out of his jeans to detach his leg. Astrid found him there with gritted teeth and slight redness on the stump.
"Did you fall on it or something?"
"No, I just did a lot of walking earlier. I think the constant movement and getting in and out of the car has just irritated it. I'll take a muscle relaxant bath after dinner."
"You promise?"
Hiccup nodded, still feeling phantom pains and sensations below the end of his leg as he stretched it out. He didn't really connect to the stump as his body, putting on his leg just a functional thing. He wasn't sure that would ever change, though the injury itself was barely two years old. Maybe he would come to terms with it over time.
Right now, he still saw the accident when he looked at it. His parents dying.
Gods, his parents.
What would they think of him? They had adopted him and raised him as their own, they had loved and cared for him. They had trusted him to be Astrid's big brother and he had tried to honour that even after they died.
Would they still do that knowing Hiccup would grow up to kiss his biological mother? Never mind that he had wanted more.
He still did.
Hiccup hated himself.
His parents would hate him.
Astrid would hate him.
Hiccup managed to get through dinner, and Astrid, sensing his still low mood, was gentle with his attention span as he cooked up a simple pasta dinner.
"I'll teach you the chicken thing tomorrow."
"That's fine, I have coursework. You go have your bath, help your leg."
Astrid gently 'encouraged' him with a shove toward the bathroom, and Hiccup went if only because of the hope of less pain. Sat soaking in the water, Hiccup looked at the scars that littered his chest - a burn on the side where hot metal had touched him, some minor burns and a few deeper glass wounds that ran over his arms, chest and stomach.
Only Astrid and Heather had seen most of them. He didn't dwell much on that fact, remembering he had lost his virginity to the girl who was now in a much deeper relationship with his little sister. Astrid had seen some of them as she helped treat a couple while they were healing. Now only Hiccup saw the patterns of trauma on his skin. Aside from his stump, but that was mostly because Astrid would steal his leg if he tried to avoid her helping alleviate the tightness in it.
Climbing out of the bath awkwardly, he leant on the side of the tub until he got his leg back on and dried himself off. His stump didn't hurt as much, but Hiccup was maudlin, moping over everything in his head right now. He wasn't sure it had been worth it to dwell inside his twisted mind.
"Feel better bro?"
"My leg does, yeah."
Astrid looked up from the table, tapping her pen on the page.
"Are you gonna see Valka again? She leaves in a couple of days doesn't she?"
"Four. No idea."
"So it was bad today? I'm not trying to pry, I just want to be prepared if you're going to have a dip or anything bro."
"Honestly Astrid... I don't know. My heads a little topsy turvy now... would you mind if I just go to bed?"
"Of course not" she stood up, squeezing him tight in a hug that almost pushed the shattered pieces of him back together "go get some rest. I'll let Toothless out before I go to sleep."
Hiccup almost kissed her forehead, but realised he might vomit if he did with Valka still burning on his mouth in his mind.
"Thanks Astrid."
Hiccup brushed his teeth with undue aggression, wishing his mouth would stop tingling, that the sickening anticipation in his belly would settle.
He couldn't see Valka again.
If they both felt this way... it would be disastrous. He had hoped to cope before until she left. Now he had tasted her kiss, he wasn't sure he could ever go back to just trying to manage.
Eighteen years of Valka waiting and Hiccup couldn't last two weeks without fucking it up. She deserved a better long lost son.
Astrid deserved a better brother.
His parents deserved a better son.
Hiccup deserved the ache in his chest, raw and painful.
Toothless nudged and whined at his door until Hiccup hopped over to it, the furry pest running up to jump on the bed. Astrid followed soon after, insistently burrowing into her brothers arms for a hug while Toothless slumbered behind him.
"What's wrong Astrid?"
"Was working on something for English about grief, just brought up some feelings. I wanted a cuddle and I heard you were up."
"It's fine. You're always welcome to a big brother hug."
So long as she wanted them. Until she discovered the way Valka was still clinging to his skin despite the fact they had only kissed and he'd taken a bath.
"Thanks Hiccup. Mind if I stay?"
Her voice was small, nervous.
"Not at all."
Astrid sighed happily, loosely holding his hand still when she moved away to get comfortable for sleep. Hiccup didn't sleep especially well, even with the comforting lull of Astrid and Toothless breathing, the warmth and care he was surrounded by. His clock flashed midnight.
Three more days.
When Astrid woke, she seemed much happier than she had the night before.
"Feeling better?"
"Yeah. Thanks. It's been a while since we had a sleepover."
"Maybe we can do a proper one tonight? Sleeping bags in the living room? Hel, get the tent in the garden if you're feeling adventurous."
Anything to distract Hiccup from counting down until Valka left his life again. Hel, maybe she had already left. Early flights were a thing. She hadn't tried to call him; Astrid would surely have mentioned.
What would they even say to each other?
"Sorry I kissed you" sounded so wrong, but it was a painful, total fact.
"Sorry I kissed you back" sounded just as bad.
Gods he hated himself.
"Hiccup! Are you falling back to sleep?"
"No... maybe."
He would take the excuse. Astrid rolled her eyes.
"I said sleeping bag sleepover sounds great. Now get up would ya?"
"Yes boss lady."
He grumbled, Astrid chuckling as she took Toothless to let out while Hiccup put his leg on and adjusted to walking on it again.
Three more days.
Being elbow deep in raw chicken teaching Astrid how to correctly breadcrumb and avoid food poisoning was an adequate distraction after a silent, stilted therapy session and some slightly embarrassing crying when Hiccup got back from that.
"And now we cook them. You can do it with batter, but this has a better texture as far as I'm concerned."
Astrid frowned handling raw chicken, but she didn't shy away from it.
They had their sleeping bags in the living room, Toothless' dog bed dragged in to join them and Astrid thought it was a brilliant evening. Hiccup did his best to enjoy it.
Heather and Dagur came over the next day, and Dagur obviously noticed Hiccup's low mood. They played Xbox, and Hiccup cooked a huge pot of spaghetti bolognese that somehow Dagur ate half of even though it was easily enough for eight people.
He realised with a blink that the days until Valka left were rapidly vanishing, a blurry window of time that was closing on him. If he wanted to see her again, he needed to decide soon. He only had tomorrow really. If she was even still around.
Hiccup was no closer to a decision when Astrid sat him down at breakfast, fixing him with a deep stare.
"I called Valka last night. Well. Her hotel."
Hiccup feared the worst, mind a mess of scenarios.
"What? Why?"
"Because I hate seeing you like this. I told her if she wanted to see you, you would be alone all day. I'm going with Heather after college, and I'll be back tomorrow."
Hiccup took a minute to process, blinking.
"Astrid, I-"
"I know you Hiccup. You would regret not trying to fix it the minute it was too late. So... I took the initiative. Even if she doesn't come over, even if it doesn't go right... you will want to know you tried. That's just who you are Hiccup."
Hiccup choked up, tears in his eyes as he hugged Astrid. She would never encourage this if she knew the secret, but he appreciated the fact she wanted to do her best to help anyway.
"Hey, I didn't do this to make you cry bro."
"Sorry" he wiped his eyes, shaking his head as if he could shake away the emotions "I just don't know what to say."
"I do. We're gonna be late."
Astrid hopped out of her seat, overnight bag already packed - she planned ahead - as she knelt down to say goodbye to Toothless. Hiccup stumbled after her holding his car keys, still a little dumbstruck.
When he got back to the house, Astrid gone until the next day now, his heart began to pound. His palms began to sweat.
Would she turn up?
What would they say to each other?
How far away should he stand from her to ensure he didn't risk breaking?
Hiccup's head was spinning, even Toothless struggling to ground his raging mind.
Then the door knocked. His stomach jolted, heart somewhere in his mouth by the feeling of something in his throat.
The door swung open to reveal Valka, and Hiccup's heart spasmed in his chest. He stepped aside to let her in, acutely aware of the wary way she regarded him.
"I almost didn't come. You seemed entirely happy to get away from me and I feared you would keep it that way."
Despite his nerves, despite his revulsion with himself, Hiccup couldn't make a lie come out of his mouth.
"I didn't want to. I had to."
"Why?"
"You know why. We... it can't happen."
Valka looked away, but he didn't miss the hurt in her face.
Their situation couldn't be any more impossible. The thing they wanted was wrong, illegal, depraved.
But not having it was hurting them both.
She came closer again, Hiccup's heart racing in his chest. Blood pounded in his ears. Her words where whispers, barely there as her eyes bore into his.
"Let me kiss you goodbye, and I swear to never bother you again."
One kiss. He could handle that.
"Just one. Then we can't ever be around each other again. This isn't right."
."I agree."
Valka placed her hand on his cheek, sharing breath for a heart-stopping moment before she kissed him at last. Hiccup immediately melted into it, hands closing around her waist as their mouths clashed with inexperience and hunger in equal measure. His head was swimming. Valka clutched at his hair, mouth clumsily attacking his with bruising force and it set his blood on fire.
They broke apart, both gasping for air and torn between staring at each other and looking away with guilt a screaming tension in the air.
Hiccup reached out and pulled Valka back in, freezing before their mouths met again.
"Yes. I do feel this too."
-HTTYD-
To anyone who says Hiccup crying is OOC (I've had that commented before) feel free to eat me. Boys cry. Get over it.
If you've somehow made it this far and forgotten... Sexy sex times of an incestuous nature next chapter.