MidwestMexican - just admit you have come over to the Valcup ship. Confession is good for the soul, and Valcup shippers need all the help we can get there.
SquallofVIII - YOU WILL GET ON MY SHIP IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO! Ok, that was a tiny bit dramatic. I'm glad you enjoyed the smut, and if I only wrote happy non-angsty fics I would get so super bored.
Spawn Hades - Well! Where to start... I can't confirm or deny anything without there being spoilers. You'll just have to wait and see. I can confirm no threesome :P aside from anything else, Astrid is gay in this one!
tom80 - I think everyone is wondering what happens next, and yeah not sure anyone will come out of it unscathed but we'll see.
-HTTYD-
The tears continued to irritate his eyes, not letting Hiccup forget he was dangerously close to crumpling in tears.
He could go after her. Go to her hotel, Hel, go to the airport. He knew which one... but he didn't know where she was flying to and Valka had made it perfectly fucking clear she intended to leave him. Without even the courtesy of letting him say goodbye.
Hiccup wished she hadn't lied. Hadn't said she would stay for him. He would have been disappointed, but prepared.
Now, now he was crushed.
He couldn't even just switch off the memories. Valka's scent clung to his skin, his sheets. Her kiss was still a brand across his lips. Her teeth and nails had left their mark on his shoulder, his back, even an intimate bruise left upon his inner thigh. The thigh of the leg he only had half of; as though she were proving she accepted his ugly scars. And yet... Valka was gone.
Hiccup searched for his t-shirt from last night, wanting something on to cover the marks across his torso but perplexingly, he couldn't find it anywhere. They had undressed each other multiple times, and Hiccup's clothes had certainly been strewn all about the place. It would probably turn up. He ought to clean that up. Astrid would be home soon. He rushed to throw his bedding in the wash, setting up the temperature higher than usual as though he could burn away the evidence of what had happened between the sheets. At the very least, it would take Valka's scent off of them.
He showered, scrubbing angrily at his skin and irritating the marks already there further. He still felt dirty, still felt used even when his skin was glowing from the rough treatment, even though Valka's scent was replaced with the coconut shower gel Astrid had picked out. Changing back onto his usual leg, Hiccup dug through his wardrobe and found a thick hoody, some heavy jeans and his favourite boots. The face in the mirror didn't look much different, but Hiccup could see there was a hollowness to his eyes that had certainly not been there when he took his mother to bed the previous night.
Still, none of the bites and scratches he had revelled in only the day before were visible in the outfit he picked. Astrid would hopefully fail to see the sickness inside him.
Gods, how was he supposed to look Astrid in the eye ever again?
It had been different yesterday, when he felt on top of the world with Valka in his arms. Now she had flat out ran from him after giving the feelings they'd both fought an outlet. Hiccup could have handled her leaving if she hadn't promised, hadn't sealed that promise with kisses and touches that were illegal and depraved and perfect. If she hadn't cut him open and climbed in under his skin, settling somewhere in his soul only to go and leave him with the fallout.
Valka didn't really have family. The animals she cared for knew nothing of what she had done to her son, nor would they care. Hiccup had Astrid, he had someone who looked up to him and depended on him. Hiccup had let her down.
He shook it off; he had lost his parents and his leg. Valka would not, could not devastate him worse than that had. He managed then, he would manage now.
Firstly... Hiccup needed to ensure every trace of her was wiped from the house. He cleaned the bathroom they'd bathed in together, and the kitchen where she had eaten with him and watched him cook with those big doe eyes absorbing his every movement. Hiccup scoured every inch of his bedroom; where she had spent the most time, even vacuumed to remove her long auburn hairs from the carpet.
Toothless followed him around, clearly sensing his owner was in emotional distress and pining to try and get him to slow down but Hiccup knew if he stopped he would dwell and if he dwelled he would-
He fell where he stood, clutching his chest as the steel band around his ribs tightened, stealing his breath and wracking him with pain. Anxious thoughts and panic tore through him, running down his face in tears that fell unheeded and pooled on the floor. Toothless nudged his face and whined, but Hiccup was lost.
"My gods, Hiccup!"
He knew that voice. That voice was safe. He reached through the darkness clouding his senses, finding wide blue eyes full of fear surrounded by a big blonde halo. Astrid squeezed his hand, other voices hazy in the distance but he focused on her. She was trying to count him through his breathing excercises so Hiccup tried to listen, slowly managing to pull himself out of the sea of panic to find himself soaked in sweat, trembling and his heart going a mile a minute. He blinked, managed to smile tightly at Astrid to let her know it was over for now.
"I told you it was a panic attack. Dagur thought you were dying and wanted to call an ambulance."
"In my defence, I've only seen him have minor ones. Never crying on the floor and unresponsive while clutching his chest."
Astrid rolled her eyes, holding a straw to Hiccup's mouth and he pulled at it weakly, feeling water trickle into his dry mouth. Then there was a damp cloth on his forehead, wiping away the clammy sweat and tears all over his cheeks.
"Heather, will you go make him a hot chocolate? It usually helps."
"No problem."
Oh gods, so both Dagur and Heather had seen him on the ground in an utter state.
"Time is it?"
He mumbled, only now noticing he was in the living room on the sofa. He didn't remember being moved. Toothless was next to him, baleful green eyes sad as he watched Hiccup feel sad when the therapy dog was failing to help. The dog had a big sense of duty.
"A little after eleven."
"Oh."
"What's the last thing you remember?"
"Nine thirty. I was... I think I was cleaning."
Heather came back; Hiccup could tell by the warm thing placed in his grip that he automatically tightened both hands around. Warmth was good. Hot drinks often helped ease his anxiety. Astrid stayed next to him in case his grip went, waiting for him to take a few mouthfuls before she took the cup away and put it down.
"Not to sound presumptive, but does this have anything to do with Valka?"
Hiccup nodded stiffly, refusing to meet Astrid's eyes in case she saw the sordid secrets in his mind.
"Ok. Is she gone?"
Another nod.
"Bad?"
Shrug.
"Ok. I promised never to make you talk about that, so we'll leave it. Drink your hot chocolate, then we'll get you cleaned up and take Toothless out. Sound good?"
Another nod.
"Alright. You two go hang in the kitchen or something, let him come down in peace."
"Of course. Come on Dagur."
He could hear footsteps, feel a wet nose nudge at his limp hand until Hiccup moved to pet it. Toothless huffed happily and Astrid sat next to him, keeping an eye until she could tell he was back on Earth again.
"What's in the machine?"
Nausea flared. He couldn't possibly tell her the truth. Hiccup thought fast.
"Oh, my bedsheets. Spilt tea on them this morning, figured I would wash the lot so there's no mismatch when I put fresh on."
Astrid nodded, petting his sweaty hair gently and Hiccup's skin crawled; Valka had done that after they were intimate, cooing soft words to him about how she loved him. The tears threatened at the back of his eyes but Hiccup blinked them away, downed the last of his hot chocolate and forced himself to stand up.
"I'm gonna put a fresh jumper on, then we'll go."
His sister looked mildly surprised at his sudden change, but nodded and rolled with it. Hiccup made sure to close his bedroom door behind him, not looking at his bed. He couldn't quite ignore the blemishes littering his skin, Valka leaving her enjoyable-turned-painful mark on Hiccup inside and out.
'You deserve it' he told himself, fists clenched tight, 'you can't really think you deserve happiness when you have sex with the woman who gave birth to you'.
Sucking in a deep breath, Hiccup frowned down at his body before picking out another heavy hoody, yanking it on to cover himself. She'd called him beautiful... what a lie. It all felt like a lie, from her body moving against his to the words she muttered in his ear, the kisses pressed into his skin and the joy in her face when they looked at each other.
Hiccup shoved the thoughts away. He wasn't going to dwell, he told himself.
"Ok, I'm ready."
"You sure? Your legs are still shaking."
Hiccup looked down, surprised to see Astrid was right.
"I feel fine. If I start feeling weak I'll sit down. Or make Dagur give me a piggy back."
The aforementioned flexed his solid muscles, making Hiccup feel even more pathetically scrawny. Dagur had been thin like him as a teen, but then he started to fill out towards adulthood and took up weightlifting. Now he worked as a personal trainer and spent much of his time exercising, leaving the younger Hiccup in his dust.
"You got it. Let's get going, I wanna race Toothless across a field."
"I got five on Toothless."
"The lack of belief from my own sister!"
Dagur acted genuinely hurt as the four left to walk the scruffy mongrel, Toothless politely trotting along with Hiccup holding the lead as he always did. When they made it to the field, Hiccup faltered at the thought of sitting on the usual bench. He had sat there with Valka. She held his hand and made him feel like the centre of her world.
And now she was gone.
"Hiccup? Babe, you're shaking again."
Astrid jolted him out of his reverie, making Hiccup realise he was indeed starting to tremble again.
"Sorry."
"Don't be daft. I just want to be sure if its anxiety or your leg."
It wasn't really either. It was his own self-loathing weighing on him.
"I think a bit of both to be honest, I think I jarred my leg when I fell earlier."
But Astrid couldn't know that.
"Ah. Dagur! You're carrying him back."
"No problem. First I gotta beat Toothless."
Hiccup leant down and unclipped the leash, then Dagur got down and shook his ass like a cat preparing to spring.
"Ready Toothless? Go!"
The three left behind laughed as Dagur and Toothless tore across the field. Considering his rather little legs, Toothless kept up good speed and just overtook Dagur before the end of the field.
"He owes me five quid."
Heather laughed to herself, and when Hiccup looked over at her he immediately regretted it. She and Astrid were holding hands, looking sweet and happy and he hated the sight. It reminded him that his feelings for Heather had been superficial, they'd barely been anything. The only person he wanted to stand like that with... he couldn't. She was gone, and even if she weren't, they could never have been anything, not really.
That was what stung the most. That despite all his hurt and sadness and feeling so utterly betrayed...
Valka had been right. They weren't suitable for each other. He could never hold her hand and look at her like that in public. Hiccup couldn't even tell the only person who's opinion truly mattered - Astrid. She'd probably not report him to the police for his illegal actions, but Hiccup was certain she would also never talk to him again. That she would look at him in disgust. And rightly she should. He felt sick to his stomach for it now.
Despite his many protests, Astrid straight up threatened to take his leg if Hiccup didn't let Dagur carry him home like a lazy child. The fact his leg was hurting was totally irrelevant. He felt ridiculous clinging on to the beefy shoulders and trying not to breathe in Dagur's messy red hair that kept trying to get up his nose.
When they got back, Hiccup discovered the post was later than usual as a couple of medical letters were on the doormat.
"Anything important?"
Hiccup flipped through the envelopes, handing Astrid her one from the rock climbing centre.
"Dental reminder for both of us. And this is... oh great. Check up for my leg. I hate those."
Astrid plucked the letter from his hand, sticking it to the fridge and writing it on the calendar in a clear statement.
"Tough. The alternative is our inexpert knowledge missing an infection or a complication in your scar tissue. You're going if I have to drag you there myself."
Scowling, Hiccup scanned through the other post. Bills and... oh.
It fell from his hand, picked up by Astrid when she spotted it had affected him. Dagur and Heather must have noticed. Hiccup was still staring at his empty hand like it held answers.
"What is it?"
"It's from Hiccup's PTSD therapist. Support info for adoptees. Pretty shitty timing."
"Want us to throw it out Hiccup?"
He managed to shake his head.
"Alright. I'm putting it away for now, you are going to go rest your leg. You can walk or Dagur can carry you."
Hiccup forced himself to his feet, carrying himself to the reclining armchair with the leg rest to take all the weight off his sore limb. He hoped they would put on the TV or play games or just let him twist and turn inside his head in peace somehow. Heather and Astrid cuddled up together on the sofa and Hiccup felt sick again, unable to stifle the memory of Valka leaning against him, the taste of her lips as she captured his own. The feelings were the same as they had been before; there was a deep, fluttering thrill beneath the sickness.
He was still aroused by the thought of her, and that made Hiccup feel even worse.
"We better get going soon or mom will come looking for us and try to mother Hiccup, which is definitely not what he needs right now."
"Alright. I'll see you at college tomorrow babe" Heather kissed Astrid "and I hope you feel better Hiccup. Give us a call if you need anything."
It was remarkable to many that Hiccup and Heather were still good friends after breaking up, let alone with the unique situation of Heather now dating his little sister. To him it seemed ridiculous how so few people could accept that their friendship wasn't meant to be more, and to go back to that. He and Heather still got on brilliantly, they just weren't meant to have sex.
Especially when Heather was a lesbian and Hiccup was apparently an incestuous deviant.
Astrid saw the other two out, then came back and perched on the side of his armchair, placing an arm around his shoulders.
"I'm sorry it didn't work out right bro. I'm also sorry for throwing her at you yesterday, you weren't nearly this bad before."
Hiccup shook his head, nausea thick in his throat as he prepared to lie to Astrid yet again.
"Don't be. You were right, I would always have wondered. I met her, she got to see me all grown up. I tried... not much I can do if she still wanted to go."
"What do you mean?"
He sighed. A half-truth would have to do.
"I asked if she would stay. For me. She said she would, but then she left anyway."
Astrid frowned.
"You asked her to stay?"
"Not quite. I asked if she would. I guess I wasn't specific enough because she left. Or maybe she just didn't want to stay and lied to avoid awkwardness. I have no idea and I can't ask her. So... I am going to spend a day moping and then I promise I will pull myself together Astrid. I won't let you down."
"You won't- gods Hiccup, you're an idiot."
He blinked in confusion.
"Why am I?"
"Because you could never let me down. You're my rock, and you don't have to be perfect no matter what ridiculous standard you are holding yourself to."
"But-"
"But nothing. You're my brother, and I'll stick by you through anything. I promise. Stop thinking you need to protect me from you. I'm a big girl now."
Hiccup wished he could believe her, but as wonderful and caring and accepting as he knew Astrid was...
He was certain she wouldn't accept what he'd done.
-HTTYD-
So, I was talking to someone about this story and we had a difference of opinion on one particular matter.
Do you think if the girls asked, Hiccup and Dagur would donate sperm so they could have babies with the family DNA? (yeah Hiccup and Astrid aren't biologically related but still family)
I'm curious, even if I don't end up putting such a thing in because it's not really important to the storyline but I know I have some quirky readers with often surprising things they can say. Whaddya think?