SquallofVIII - it says it's about adoptees in the chapter?
Spawn Hades - I've already given the Valcupstrid sector The Things We Do For Love, what more do you want? :P
MidwestMexican - well how about Valcup is your hot chocolate instead of cup of tea? Different but equaly delicious
tom80 - yeah, because he got his hopes up and she left so he's obviously quite upset about that.
-HTTYD-
Hiccup had hoped that he could maintain an outward facade of getting better, by keeping it all in his head.
Of course, his head had other ideas.
Astrid couldn't fail to notice he developed an overactive startle reflex; she could only hug him now if he could see her. If anyone even so much as brushed up against him when he couldn't see or wasn't expecting it, Hiccup jerked and jumped in surprise. Valka's touch on his skin was a constant phantom and it left him prickling all over.
His nightmares had been dying off, but now as far as anyone else knew they were back. In truth, Hiccup just wasn't sleeping much. If he hadn't fallen asleep, Valka wouldn't have been able to leave without so much as a goodbye.
Hiccup felt nauseous constantly, putting him off the thought of adding food to the roiling mix. He ate when Astrid was home, but it wasn't a convincing enough act since Astrid outright quizzed him on why he wasn't eating properly. Hiccup didn't have much weight to spare, but his clothes were hanging off him.
His therapist and his sister agreed that Hiccups PTSD was getting worse. A doctor prescribed the antidepressants Hiccup had steadfastly refused until then, and while he took the prescription Hiccup had no intention of taking them.
Hiccup didn't know how to explain he just had a broken heart. Mostly because he couldn't explain who broke his heart.
"Connecting with your birth parent may well have caused old feelings to resurface, the accident that caused you to develop PTSD is intrinsically linked to the loss of your parents."
Those words made Hiccup feel worse. The way he felt at that moment had nothing to do with his parents and everything to do with the woman who had taken his heart after he took her to bed. Granted, the woman was his mother but she wasn't his parent.
The closest thing Valka had done to mothering him since she gave him up was when she offered him her breast. But it hadn't been for sustenance the way a mother and son should be.
Even in his haze of heartbreak and guilt, Hiccup could tell something was up with Astrid. Aside from her concern about him. She asked every day if Hiccup had taken his medication, and Hiccup insisted that he had. He was lying. The box was unopened, had been since he got it a month ago. And that was the second box he had been prescribed, had gone and traded in and paid for the pills... to not touch them.
What would they fix? Hiccup wasn't depressed, he was sick to his soul.
"Astrid?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are you so twitchy?"
She put down what she was fiddling with, turning to face Hiccup properly.
"I'm worried about you."
"I'm fi- no, I'm not but I'll get there. That's not all that's bothering you."
Astrid sighed, nodding.
"You're right. I've been wondering how to broach this topic."
"If it's that you're gay, I'm gonna have to tell you I already know."
She laughed, shaking her head this time.
"Idiot. No. Though it is about Heather."
Hiccup had a feeling he knew what was coming.
"You want to move in with her, but not here?"
"Wait. How did you-"
"Psychic. No. I know you Astrid, you're torn between your independence and taking care of me. And I hereby insist that if you want to move in with Heather and start doing grown up stuff, you do it."
Astrid bit her lip, resuming her fiddling with the paper on the side Hiccup had been doodling on but discounted as worth continuing.
"But you're not doing so good. I'm worried you'll stop taking care of yourself at all if I'm not here to bug you."
Hiccup took in a deep breath, trying to find the right series of words to make Astrid stop holding herself back because her big brother was an utter wreck.
"I won't deny I'm not doing my best right now, but Astrid... you putting your life on hold for me isn't going to make me feel any better. And lets face it... you could move to another country, you'll find ways to bug me. That's just what you do."
She cracked a smile, but there was still worry writ across her features.
"I don't wanna leave you to waste away. To come back all the time and watch you just getting sicker because I'm not here making you eat and sleep and giving you things to do other than walk the dog."
Hiccup rubbed at the bridge of his nose, wishing he had better brain usage right now.
"I can't promise it won't get worse before it gets better, because I know I'm not well. But I will get better Astrid, I promise. The best thing you can do for me is live your life. Be a constant reminder that I didn't mess up taking care of you, that I'm capable of more than I thought. Be a Hofferson!"
Their conversation about Astrid moving out went back and forth for another month. Another month of Hiccup lying about taking his meds, another month of therapy where he couldn't talk about what was really getting to him. A month he tried to eat more regularly, to stop Astrid looking at him like he might break. His clothes didn't get any looser, Hiccup noticed. But since he had gone from skinny to damn near skeletal, maybe they couldn't get much looser.
Only the threat from the doctor checking up on his leg that he was at risk of bone density problems if he didn't fix it - a serious issue for someone who wore a weight-bearing prosthetic - made Hiccup at least eat enough that his hands didn't shake anymore.
That seemed to be enough for Astrid to relent and agree to move out with Heather. Hiccup was elated, mostly because it meant Astrid wasn't wasting her life trying to fix him when he felt broken beyond repair.
Hiccup even helped she and Heather look for places to live. He had originally suggested they take the Hofferson home and he move out, but Astrid denied that immediately - their home was adapted for his needs, including if he ended up unable to wear his leg and needing a wheelchair.
With Astrid's 'share' (he disliked calling it that but Astrid insisted it was equal so long as she could always move back home if needed, which Hiccup naturally agreed to) of their family money, she rented a rather small but functionally sized flat with Heather. It was everything a first home would be - a tight fit, a terrible view but a source of independence and a place to call their own.
They could have bought somewhere with Astrid's inheritance that mixed family money and life insurance from their parents deaths, but she said that was pointless for the moment as if they decided to move elsewhere, it would take much longer to sell that one and buy a new place. Hiccup would cover the bills until both girls had jobs, which wasn't so far off now Heather was done with college. Education wasn't for her at the moment, it seemed. And Astrid only had one year left.
"You alright H? You don't look too steady."
Dagur quizzed as they were packing and unpacking boxes and cars and trunks. Astrid wasn't so bad, but Heather owned so many clothes! As one was built heavy and the other was Hiccup, the brothers were relegated to very different tasks. Hiccup helped move clothes and delicate things, while Dagur hefted books and, with Astrid, furniture.
Hiccup lied.
"I'm fine. Just... adjusting to these meds they got me on."
Heathers parents hovered around, but the four young adults got most of it done before the parents got off work.
"Well, you don't have to help. You can go try out their sofa and sleep."
Hiccup shook his head, lifting up a box filled with bedding and towels and ignoring the way his pathetic little arms shook with exertion.
"I'm alright. Plus this feels like a rite of passage yanno? I've been taking care of Astrid for years, now she's striking out on her own."
"I guess."
Hiccup's words proved themselves untrue moments later, when his leg gave up and went out from under him. Thankfully only Dagur was there, and he habitually just lifted Hiccup back upright.
"Has it come off?"
"Think so. Just... put me on the nearest surface I can sit on."
He lifted Hiccup up onto the nearest side, allowing him to check the fit of his leg and found it was still on, it was just a little loose. His 'stump sock' wasn't staying up.
Hiccup had lost so much weight his leg didn't fit him. Hating to ask but knowing he needed the help, he turned to Dagur.
"Can you help me to the bathroom? I need to rearrange it and for that-"
"You gotta drop trou. No problem buddy. I'm just gonna- yeah."
Dagur put an arm under his shoulders, the other under his legs and Hiccup managed to pin his prosthetic between his organic leg and Dagur's arm so it didn't come off. Dagur put him down in the bathroom and pulled the door closed behind him, promising to ensure his privacy.
Hiccup dropped his jeans awkwardly, rolling his sock to tighten the fit around his narrow leg and accepting that, unless he wanted to go through another fitting and several lectures about bone density, Hiccup needed to curb his disordered eating patterns.
It wasn't about food or weight or even control. He just felt sick to his stomach whenever he thought of Valka, and as of yet Hiccup hadn't managed to curb those thoughts.
Her touch lingered in his skin. Her soft moans would ring in his ears, and Hiccup still shamefully grew aroused by the memories of them twining in his bed. Despite the marks fading, Hiccup could remember each and every bruise she had left on his body. Whenever Hiccup managed to actually sleep, it was her in his dreams.
Valka had been in his life for two weeks, but the impact she had left on him seemed to be scarily permanent.
He pulled up his jeans, tightening the belt and testing his leg. For now, it seemed to be fitting but Hiccup knew he was at risk of blisters and irritation if he didn't fill the socket properly. When Heather and Dagur's parents ordered them pizza for moving day dinner, Hiccup forced himself to pack away as much as would fit in his shrunken stomach. It wasn't much, but it was a start and Astrid looked thrilled to see him eat properly.
"This is harder than I thought it would be."
Astrid clung to him, her superior strength almost painful on Hiccup's skinny self but he didn't even think of asking her to loosen up. There were tears in her big blue eyes, and Hiccup was trying to deny his own.
"Come on, don't cry or you'll set me off. It's just you having a really long sleepover with my ex girlfriend."
The age old joke did the trick, laughter escaping Astrid in watery chuckles.
"Guess so. I'm coming back tomorrow to bug you anyway."
"You'll always have a home with me Astrid, but this is good. I'm so proud of you."
She beamed, hugging him tight enough that Hiccup wouldn't be surprised to find bruises. He tried not to feel sick at the reminder of...
No.
He couldn't think about that when Astrid was hugging him.
"Love you bro."
"Love you too Astrid. Now I better go before Dagur decides I can't drive myself home. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Will you bake me cake?"
Hiccup chuckled, fairly sure that was coming.
"Sure. I spent a few days batch cooking to fill your freezer but forgot to bring it, so you can have those tomorrow too."
"You're the best."
Heather hugged him goodbye too, any and all awkwardness between the two long gone. Astrid kissed his cheek, squeezed him again and then they watched him out of the window as he headed to his car, dodging the parents and Dagur trying to 'check on him'.
Hiccup made it home to a most disgruntled Toothless, who was exceptionally glad to be let out, then had a visible temper tantrum with Hiccup for him being left alone most of the day. The dog quickly thawed when he realised how bad Hiccup felt.
What was he supposed to do now? His life had revolved around Astrid for years, and now Hiccup was left alone with his therapy dog and his thoughts. Hiccup didn't even bother with the pretense of going to bed, instead opting to rest in his reclining armchair mindlessly watching rubbish on Netflix.
Hiccup didn't have time to dwell though - he had to get up early the next morning, go out and make sure he had food in both to satisfy Astrid's worry for his eating and to make the cake she wanted. He even bought himself a ready made bacon roll for breakfast. He felt nauseous halfway through but forced it down so he only had to lie to Astrid about his medication, not his eating too.
He was so used to skipping meals that Hiccup found his stomach notably stuck out with a bacon roll and a to-go coffee in him. It looked odd on his narrow frame, like he was pregnant with breakfast but it would go down and he actually filled his jeans more for a little while.
He'd barely got back when Heather - he hadn't known she was learning to drive but it made sense, especially when Astrid had some unresolved fear of driving - and Astrid pulled up outside the house, a flurry of blonde basically throwing herself at Hiccup in a hug.
"I missed you!"
Hiccup returned the embrace, undeniably happy to see her regardless of his mental state. Astrid was always going to be the centre of his world.
"Missed you too."
"Did you eat? And take your meds?"
"Yep. Had on the go breakfast while I was out this morning. Look, I'm still sporting a food baby."
Hiccup lifted his shirt a little, showing the full belly he had without revealing the visible ribcage or jutting hipbone above and below.
"Good. Come on. In! I wanna see Toothless!"
Astrid headed in of her own volition, audibly greeting Hiccup's therapy dog as he said hi to Heather.
"She missed you last night. I swear if I didn't know you were her brother I'd be jealous of how much she said stuff like 'do you think Hiccup's ok?' last night."
"I'm sorry I'm so concerning."
Heather rolled her eyes, nudging his shoulder.
"I care about you too idiot. Just because we were incompatible doesn't mean we aren't friends."
"I know. Likewise. Shall we?"
The day spent baking and just hanging out with Astrid was blissful, she and Heather almost enough to keep Hiccup's mind off of what he wasn't supposed to be thinking about.
"Are you still going to therapy?"
"PTSD one, yeah, every other week. They're waiting for the meds to magically fix me but my therapist won't give up on talking it out."
Astrid frowned, peeling the icing off her cake slice to eat it individually.
"They should be working together."
"Yeah, but it'll pass. I'm getting there, promise."
That got him a smile, though the extra cake Hiccup gave them to take alongside his home cooking for the girls got him a bigger beaming grin. Heather could cook well too, but he figured having Hiccup's food was more a comfort thing for Astrid now she no longer had a guarantee to see him daily.
Left alone again, Hiccup took up drawing more seriously, pestered by Astrid to post it online until he found himself receiving commissions from dragon enthusiasts to draw them custom pieces. It helped him pass a lot of time, and Astrid joked that he'd replaced her with taking care of pencils and paper instead.
"Hey, I walk the dog every day so I get fresh air. And I eat plenty of junk because it's fast and doesn't need much prep."
"Yeah, I can see you're gaining a bit of weight again. Your cheeks don't look like they could cut glass any more. You still have a bit to go before I stop nagging you to eat though."
Hiccup chuckled, though it was a little forced. Drawing had become his escape from reality, and while he would never choose not to see Astrid, it did force him somewhat back in to the real world.
"I know. How's independent living?"
"Well we have a cat now so I'm not alone when Heather's at work. Stormfly is a pain in the furry butt though. I'm waiting for my exam results before I start looking for counselling training and stuff."
"Makes sense."
Astrid smiled, perusing Hiccup's half-finished doodles and filling his cup when she saw Hiccup was out of lemonade. Both looked over in confusion when the door knocked.
"You expecting anyone?"
"No. Oh, I ordered new pens online the other day. Might be that."
Astrid skipped over to the door, and Hiccup expected her to call back saying it was the mail. She didn't.
"What the fuck are you doing here? Do you know what you did by leaving him like that?"
Hiccup got up, stumbling slightly on his leg in his haste but making it to the door. He didn't quite believe his eyes.
"Valka."
-HTTYD-
I am wholly aware this chapter is probably lazy and seems rushed. It kind of was... I could have drawn out Hiccup's emotional anguish but ultimately I knew I wanted Astrid moving out and Valka coming back. They were originally meant to inhabit separate chapters but... Authors prerogative.