Ok. Lets give this writing a go again. No promises on quality since I'm pretty sure my writing has gone to shit.

-HTTYD-

Hiccup didn't know why he was surprised by it when Astrid and Heather turned up - with the shopping and Dagur.

"So... you're Hiccup's biological mother? Wow you're tall."

Hiccup could only roll his eyes as Dagur took in Valka - neither Heather or Dagur had met her when she visited before. Dagur was only taller than Astrid, and even that was by a matter of centimetres. Valka was the tallest in the house. After a few glances herself and some pointed looks shared with Astrid, Heather cleared her throat.

"Ok, well you've probably had a long trip and need to settle in. Dagur, come on."

"But-"

"Don't make me drag you."

Pouting, Dagur gave Hiccup his usual ridiculously over-the-top hug before stomping out of the door in a full-on tantrum. Heather bade him goodbye more sedately, and Astrid waited for them both to be outside before she threw her arms around him.

"Do you want me to stay?"

Hiccup shook his head.

"I appreciate it, but... I'll manage."

Hiccup was probably lying. He had no idea how to manage anything.

"See you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah. I'll uh, start on filling those boxes tonight so you and Heather don't starve."

"I dont just come here to get food you know."

"I know... you like my dog too."

Astrid snorted, hugged him again and kissed his cheek before throwing Valka a glare and letting herself out.

They didn't look at each other. It was awkward. So, so awkward. Hiccup had no idea what to say to her. So he went with something safe. Well, he babbled something safe at least.

"Is there anything pregnant people shouldn't eat? This is all new to me and since I'm the one who cooks I should ask."

"I should avoid alcohol and caffeine... neither of which I drink anyway."

"And I can't drink alcohol on my medication" that he didn't take "so that's fine because then there is never any in the house."

Gods, it was awkward. Hiccup wanted to curl up in a ball and try to work out when it had all gone so weird.

"Otherwise... so long as things are clean and cooked, I'll be fine. Thank you for asking."

Hiccup nodded stiffly.

"Well uh... you know where you're sleeping. Make yourself at home."

He practically ran to hide in the kitchen. Putting away the food shop and prepping food... Hiccup could do that in his sleep. He had done that while barely able to stand on his new prosthetic while taking care of Astrid after their parents died. He could certainly do it while his pregnant mother was around. Carrying his child... Hiccup put the knife down when he saw his hands were shaking.

Get a grip Hofferson.

Slowly calming himself before he had a full-blown panic attack, Hiccup managed to get on with chopping and dicing and stirring and cooking. Cooking was safe. Taking a few deep breaths, he convinced himself to go and talk to her. Just briefly. Just to prove that he could. He could go tell her dinner was almost done. That was easy surely?

Toothless came up and huffed at him. Guess he thought different, showing he was sensing Hiccup's unease. Leaning down carefully, Hiccup lifted the dog and thanked the gods he had a small canine companion. Most therapy dogs were bigger, but his was nice and compact and not too heavy for Hiccup's noodle-arms. Admittedly, he felt better with Toothless in his arms for strength.

Going in search of Valka reticently, he found her perusing his drawing desk in the living room. It was an absolute mess, but she was smiling to herself as she went through them with gentle fingers so as not to smudge anything - Hiccups favourite medium was still charcoal. When she realised she was caught, she backed off.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to look-"

"It's fine. Food won't be long."

Valka nodded, avoiding his eyes by looking at Toothless the same as he was avoiding her eyes by looking at the wall behind her. It needed re-painting.

"They are very good."

She walked past him before he could answer - presumably to go wash her hands before dinner - and Hiccup shuddered after she left. That was the closest they had been since she left. Toothless nuzzled a wet nose into Hiccup's neck, offering comfort but giving a distraction instead as he squirmed from the uncomfortable sensation.

"Suppose you might want feeding too eh?"

Toothless drooled in response. That was probably a yes. Hiccup put him down, filled his bowl and washed his hands before going to check on the oven. Everything was cooked to perfection, though he noted Valka looked surprised at the volume of food.

"Eat what you want. The rest is going in leftovers tubs. Astrid doesn't live here but I still feed her."

It was strange how Hiccup could be talking, speaking aloud and with context yet still not really be talking to Valka. He may as well have been talking to Toothless. Hiccup served his own small portion - his appetite had diminished over the last few months - and awkwardly hobbled out of the kitchen on his stiff leg. He couldn't eat when Valka made his stomach twist and somersault. Not yet.

He was probably making her feel hugely unwelcome despite inviting her... Hiccup just didn't know how to act around her. They had... no. He derailed that thought train immediately, not wanting to stir up a panic attack. Perching in his reclining armchair to support his leg, Hiccup mechanically ate the thing he had cooked. He couldn't remember what it was once it had vanished into his stomach, mind elsewhere.

Hiccup was going to be a father. A real, living baby was going to appear in the world and be his.

Fifty percent his anyway.

That sent Hiccup's mind off into half-formed thoughts of each of their genetic contributions - he was half Valka, and the baby was half Hiccup and half Valka. Did that make it seventy five percent Valka?

The thoughts left his head spinning, Hiccup glad he had finished his meal else he might have thought himself out of it. He needed to walk Toothless at some point that evening or Astrid would have his head. And he would regret it when his leg seized up later. Both needed to let their food digest first - Toothless was sleeping on the rug at that moment - so Hiccup set an alarm to stop him becoming too absorbed and sat at his desk to draw some more.

So used to being alone and completely losing himself, Hiccup fell out of his chair when he realised he was being watched.

"Did I frighten you?"

Hiccup shook his head, hauling himself awkwardly to his feet and rubbing the sore part of his ass that had collided roughly with the ground.

"Just used to being alone. Everything alright?"

"I uh" Hiccup had forgotten how much he'd adored her stammering, awkward speech matching the way he spoke "I wondered if you had a phonebook I could use?"

Hiccup raised an eyebrow. She hadn't used much technology for two decades, he remembered.

"Nobody uses phonebooks these days. We use the internet. You need to look someone up?"

Her cheeks flushed slightly. Hiccup tore his eyes away.

"Yes."

"Hang on" Hiccup dug out his laptop from under a stack of doodles, almost jumping out of his skin when the alarm went off to remind him to walk Toothless. Hitting the phone to silence it, he carried his laptop out to the kitchen and set it up on the table.

"Can you use a computer?"

She nodded, though she bit her lip and Hiccup wasn't sure that wasn't a sign of unsurety... he was babbling inside his own head again.

"Ok. Well... have a go. I'm going to walk Toothless, I'll be back in half hour or so and if you haven't managed I'll try and help."

Hiccup didn't want to leave. She might be gone when he came back...

Stop it.

If he was going to have a freak out it could wait. Hiccup was going to go walk his dog. That's what Toothless was for - therapeutic relief of anxiety. Now he was literally taking Hiccup away from one of its triggers. Clicking his tongue, Toothless trotted over obediently and wagged his tail in Valka's direction before perching to let Hiccup truss him into harness and lead. Pushing doggy bags into his pocket, he let himself and the dog out

As he walked, Hiccup let his mind wander back to the baby.

He needed to get a better handle on himself. That was certain. Hiccup didn't want the barely-functioning anxious wreck he currently was to be the example he gave to that child. It was a scary thought though... Hiccup had all but forgotten life before PTSD and anxiety. He struggled to remember his parents sometimes, because then he always remembered the accident.

Reaching the field, Hiccup unclipped the lead and let Toothless run off. He sat on the bench and rubbed his sore leg... he needed a bath later to ease the ache. Still, it was improving - his leg fit him better than it had a month ago. Hiccup knew that was another issue - he hadn't been to physiotherapy in months.

Then there was the adoptees support group that had been recommended to him... Hiccup wanted to try that. At least once. Where he would probably sit awkwardly in silence and panic quietly before leaving only to never go back.

But he was going to try.

Hiccup had, of course, had these sorts of thoughts before. How he was going to work at getting better only to be beaten back by his demons. He knew it wasn't that simple but still berated himself for failing. It was an endless cycle.

One he needed to break for his child.

Of course, that all depended on what Valka planned to do in a years time. He hadn't asked yet. He wasn't sure he would like the answer.

If Valka was planning to stay until she and the baby could leave... Hiccup couldn't even fight against that. Not without outing himself as the father of his own sibling. But he was getting ahead of himself. Hiccup didn't need to be worrying about the future when the present was frightening enough.

"Come on Toothless. Can't avoid her forever. Not that you want to, I can tell you missed her."

He wasn't sure what was worse; the secrecy necessary to hide his siring the baby inside Valka or the sheer uncertainty of the situation. Valka had been eager and excited to see him, friendly and tactile and then heated and wanting before...

Now Hiccup was thrown. He was fairly certain if Valka hadn't ended up pregnant with his baby they would never have seen each other again. Hiccup had never even considered the prospect of having children before. He had been busy growing up and then he had been busy helping Astrid grow up. Now parenthood was to be thrust upon him...

He should probably learn what babies needed. Valka had said she was amenable to custody, and it wouldn't have been at all difficult to conceal her pregnancy from him when she was in another freaking country, so surely she was going to let him be involved? Until she left him again. Hiccup needed to keep that very likely occurrence at the forefront of his mind.

Because he wasn't sure he could let himself be open to her staying, he couldn't get attached again only to have her tear him clean in two. Hiccup wondered if he needed to get a passport and prepare to start flying all over the world to see his child for birthdays and Christmas and special occasions and...

His brain trailed off as dizziness threatened, only realising he had blindly stumbled home when Hiccup recognized his own car in the driveway. At least he wasn't about to have an anxiety attack in the street alone. He didn't immediately recognise the bright orange car with blue streaks, then realised it was Valka's. Yep. He lived here.

"Well that's lucky. Come on bud."

His heart was thundering in his chest, pulse roaring in his ears as Hiccup managed to make it through his front door and drop Toothless' lead. The dog seemed torn about what to do as Hiccup slumped against the wall, trying to force air into his useless lungs. He heard paws scamper distantly across the ground through the fog in his head, then felt other steps coming back as they vibrated along the floor beneath him.

"Hiccup!"

"M'okay."

He managed to choke out, recoiling as a hand came near him and saw it withdraw. Hiccup hunted through his head for the breathing exercises Astrid usually did with him, counting in and hold and out over and over until his awareness slowly started to come back. His clothes were damp with sweat and his muscles were shaky with the adrenaline he didn't need, but Hiccup was used to that aftermath.

Valka was still knelt nearby on the floor, looking closely at him. She was pregnant. He shouldn't worry her.

"Panic attack. They happen."

Toothless burrowed his way under limp arms to get on Hiccups lap, licking his face to check his ward was conscious again. Hiccup forced his arm to cooperate, placing a hand on the scruffy fur to comfort his therapy mutt.

"I'm ok bud. Come on, let's get outta the hallway and these clothes you got mud on."

He would have had to change anyway after sweating through them, but that didn't mean he couldn't blame Toothless. A little. Toothless scrambled off his lap, letting Hiccup wobble onto all fours before pulling himself up in an ungainly fashion against the wall.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Hiccup shook his head, then changed tack and nodded.

"Take off Toothless' harness and put it away while I go take a bath?"

He didn't wait for an answer, stumbling toward the bathroom and growling to himself that he had forgotten clean clothes. His leg hurt too much to go back out for them... a quick towel-clad dash hadn't been an issue yesterday before Valka was living in his house. Now he had to hopefully not run into her when he was wearing nothing to hide his metal leg.

After a long soak in the bath that eased the ache in his stump and cleansed cold sweats from his skin, Hiccup hauled himself upright with the rail on the wall for that very purpose and swung himself around to dry his stump, roll the prosthetic sock over it and reattach his leg. Happier now he could stand up again, Hiccup rubbed himself dry and wrapped the towel around his waist. A nervous peek out into the hall revealed he was safe to dash to his room

Dash was a strong word for his awkward waddle on somewhat uncooperative legs, but Hiccup made it to his room and closed the door. He pulled on pyjama bottoms immediately, always feeling better not to have to look at his leg. Next was t-shirt and cosy jumper, then Hiccup wriggled his feet into thick socks and slippers.

Now he could face Valka again.

Maybe.

Hiccup knew he ought to reassure her he hadn't drowned in the bath and that he was mostly fine after an anxiety attack. Plus he wanted a hot chocolate. His leg was behaving a bit now he was calm and dressed. Other parts of him were playing up a little; despite Hiccup's mental state, he felt the genetic attraction pulsing away below the surface still. It wasn't as overpowering as before, whether because it had been... satisfied or because they had been separated before it could grow.

He really needed to stop over thinking or Valka would find him having an anxiety attack on the floor. Again.

Rubbing a hand over his face, Hiccup felt a little stubble scrape his hand and decided shaving could wait for when he wasn't still a bit unsteady. Valka was sat in the kitchen still staring at his laptop, but she looked relieved to see him up and about.

"You're alright."

Transferring leftovers to tubs and then the fridge, then the dirty baking tray to the dishwasher, Hiccup figured he should tell her now.

"Yeah. That's probably gonna happen again. And again. Unless I've fallen off something or there's breakable stuff nearby just leave me to get through it. Did you find what you were looking for?"

Valka nodded, then gestured to the laptop.

"Would you mind explaining this Google map thing?"

Hiccup sat two seats away from her, not trusting himself any closer when his head was still as messy as a jigsaw puzzle underwater.

"Where are you going?"

He didn't need to ask - the address for a medical centre was on the screen but she hadn't put the current location in so there was no chance of directions.

"A friend of mine has scheduled me in to her clinic" his heart did something odd for s second "because obviously I've had no medical attention for the baby."

Hiccup's hands stilled over the keys.

"You're going for the uh" he gestured around his belly "scan thing?"

Valka nodded.

"And a general check up of baby and me. There's no prenatal in the middle of a forest play-fighting with monkeys. I was checked for tropical illnesses but it's best to be sure... Oh." Valka faltered for a second "Would you like to come for the ultrasound?"

Hiccup could only nod in response. He wanted to see that the baby was there and growing and existing. It would probably feel a little more real then.

"I've got a SatNav if you need to find your way around without an OS map. Or I can drive you."

Hiccup almost regretted that the second it left his mouth. That would have them sitting close together where her soft scent surrounded him. Hiccup had had to get his car professionally cleaned to stop it smelling of her last time.

"No no, I can drive but thank you."

Done altering the information so it would show directions on the screen for her, Hiccup turned the laptop back toward her and headed to the living room to try and distract himself. He curled up on the sofa with Toothless curled up in front of him, ensuring the steady lull of dog snoring as the TV displayed colours and faces and sounds he barely registered. It wasn't a great distraction but he couldn't draw until his hands stopped shaking.

He didn't intend to sleep there, but Hiccup had obviously drifted off into a nap. He wasn't sure he wasn't dreaming though, feeling tentative fingers run over his cheekbone.

"Oh my beautiful boy, what have I done to you?"

Hiccup didn't dare think about whether or not he was awake. If he was dreaming, he didn't want it to stop.

-HTTYD-

Hmm. I'm not sure if this chapter is chaotic because of Hiccup's bad head or my own.