Carl Solo - ok, where did I do that? I'll confess myself a fan of knocking Valka up, but in Bonding, Ought To Know Better and Things We Do For Love, they had been having sex for a while. I don't think I've used it in a Hiccstrid one either... I'm sure I used it once or twice in my Harry Potter and Young Dracula stuff but no, not Valcup.
-HTTYD-
"Everyone, this is Henry. He prefers being called... Hiccup, was it?"
He nodded, already wanting to curl up in a ball and die quietly.
"Yeah."
"And he's very nervous, and wanted to say in advance that he's sorry if he doesn't manage to say much today. So, let's continue."
Hiccup wasn't sure this was a good idea, but after accepting he wasn't going to get any sleep last night, he looked up the adoption support group recommended by one of his shrinks, found that it was walk-in and there was a meeting the next morning...
It felt like a good idea high on the residual adrenaline from anxiety.
Now he was regretting that. He felt like everyone was looking at him. He tugged nervously at the area of his jeans around his prosthesis, knowing logically it was invisible but panic clung to his skin still. Astrid had been understanding when he called her to ask if she would come over later that day, and Valka hadn't said much at all when he had made breakfast that morning and muttered that he was going out.
Valka's ultrasound was the next day. Hiccup shook whenever he thought about it.
Everyone else in the room looked normal. He suspected that he wasn't the only person to feel the GSA spark - it was expected to have a 50 per cent occurrence rate - but Hiccup was certain he was the only one in there who had caved.
"Remember, what we say in here is private."
Hiccup listened to the people in there; mothers and fathers and adoptees. They talked about struggles and difficulties reconnecting but on the whole, the children adopted were hugely accepting. Like him, they had been taken home by amazing people.
"So... Hiccup, when did you find out you were adopted?"
Hiccup looked up into kind hazel eyes, a girl of about his age with a friendly smile. He couldn't maintain the eye contact, but she didn't terrify him.
"Not long before I turned eighteen, but it was after my parents died. They never told me."
The room suddenly turned deathly silent and Hiccup had a powerful urge to run. Not that he could run particularly well.
"So how did you find out?"
Hiccup shrugged his shoulders jerkily, fighting not to curl in on himself. Taking a few deep breaths, he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.
"I had to take care of my sister. Social services were constantly around making sure I was doing it right because I wasn't eighteen yet. The one assigned to us dropped a letter in with my other stuff. Lost her job with us for it but the secret was out."
"Wow."
He expected them to all think he was just awkward, but seemingly the ice had been broken and he was gently included in other chats after that. Hiccup was almost sad to be leaving when it was over, but he was also socially exhausted. A couple of the ones in his age group made a point of saying goodbye to him, though his startle reflex probably didn't do him any favours when one touched his arm and Hiccup almost leapt out of his skin.
"I am really glad you could join us today Hiccup. This is clearly out of your comfort zone but you engaged and interacted. Feel free to come back any time... I think Evie there is already a little sweet on you."
Hiccup felt his eyes widen. Sharon, the middle-aged woman who ran the meetings, laughed lightly.
"Don't worry, she's harmless. Will you be coming to the next one?"
"Uh... when is it?"
Running her pen like a pointer down her clipboard, Sharon tapped at the right spot.
"Two weeks from today."
"I can't. Got therapy."
"PTSD? I don't mean to pry but I remember my friend Bertie saying he was sending someone my way. No names were given, obviously."
Hiccup nodded, twiddling the edge of his sleeve nervously.
"Yeah. My parents died in a car accident, I've had problems ever since."
"That's nothing to be ashamed of you know."
Hiccup shrugged awkwardly, turning to leave.
"The one after the next, four weeks from now... it's an open one. You can bring your sister if you like. It's mostly so those who want to can bring biological parents, but adoptive siblings count too."
Hiccup nodded to say he understood, heart pounding at the idea of being around people who would have normal relationships with their birth parents. It would be a massive contrast to his own, and Hiccup wouldn't dream of bringing Valka; she would be noticeably pregnant and he was noticeably awkward around her.
But he might take Astrid. She was socially bubbly enough for four people, which helped because Hiccup was awkward enough for three.
Back in his car outside, Hiccup took several deep breaths and focused upon his racing heart until it began to calm again. He'd survived a social-ish event with a room full of people he didn't know and hadn't had one single full anxiety attack. Oh, he had gotten close but... Hiccup felt like he had made a small achievement.
Toothless was all over him when Hiccup got back, telling him he still reeked of anxiety despite what he thought. Hiccup flattened out along the sofa and petted his dog until his muscles were lax, distantly wondering where Valka was.
Astrid came over just in time to help him make lunch, Heather in tow and both greeted him cheerily.
"How was the thing?"
"Oh. Uh. Awkward. But I didn't cry, die or fall over."
"Wow. A trifecta."
Hiccup couldn't help but smile at Astrid, watching her putter about the kitchen making hot chocolate for him - she always knew when he needed it.
"What about last night?"
He could lie, but Astrid was eerily good at spotting him doing so.
"Yeah. Had a panic attack when I got in from walking Toothless."
"Did she see?"
Hiccup nodded, skin crawling with shame about looking so ridiculous in front of Valka. For worrying her when she was pregnant.
"And let me guess, you told her there's nothing she can do about them?"
"Was that not true?"
Her voice surprised them all, turning to the door to see her walk in. Hiccup felt his stomach clench as he saw the light brown dress she had on offered him a view of where her belly was swelling. He did that.
"Look, you're living with him. So you ought to know how to tackle them. They'll happen and there isn't much you can do to stop them, but you can help him after. Talk to him until his breathing evens out, then give him hot chocolate. Sometimes you need to count him through the breathing excercises..."
Valka seemed to be paying attention, whilst Hiccup wondered if she could feel the subtle waves of dislike coming off Astrid. She wasn't teaching Valka that stuff for her sake, but for Hiccups. Given the choice, Astrid wouldn't pick Valka as his new roommate. If it weren't for the baby she didn't know Hiccup was the father of...
"Hey!"
Astrid snapped her fingers in front of Hiccup's face, jolting him from his space out.
"He does that a lot too. Just nudge him gently or something. He'll probably jump but usually he just comes to."
"Sorry. I'm a terrible roommate."
Astrid rolled her eyes and nudged his shoulder, moving suddenly and turning the cooker down where a pan was bubbling over.
"Ah, you could be worse."
"Feeling the love. Are you joining us for lunch Valka? Astrid's helping but I swear I taught her not to kill everyone."
"You are such a shit!"
Astrid swatted at him playfully, but Valka shook her head.
"I just came down for some water. I'm meeting a friend in an hour."
"Is it the father?"
Hiccup's heart stopped. Valka's doe eyes widened even further. Even Astrid looked surprised by her own words, placing a hand over her mouth.
"Sorry. That wasn't meant to come out. I just figured that it must have been someone you know here else you would have stayed in whatever other country they were in."
"Oh. Yes, I can see your logic. No, it's not the father."
The father was sat right there, hidden in plain sight. Hiccup swallowed thickly and busied himself with lunch, heart pounding.
"Does he know?"
"He knows."
Hiccup hissed as he felt hot water splash back from the sink onto the exposed skin of his hand, drawing Astrid's attention over to him. Valka got a little closer than he expected, leaning across to fill her bottle from the tap before reaching for his hand.
"W-what are you doing?"
Valka guided his hand under the cold tap, her soft floral scent drowning his senses for a minute and Hiccup was dangerously close to... he wasn't sure but something threatened.
"Sorry. Second nature to tend to injuries when you have no medical access without twenty miles cycling sometimes."
"O-ok. Can I have my hand back?"
Valka dropped his hand like it had burned her. Hiccup hadn't wanted her to let go and that terrified him.
"Sorry."
He hoped their awkward interactions were put down to not really knowing each other. Valka replaced the top on her water bottle and swept from the room, leaving Hiccup staring at his tingling hand beneath the running tap. Her scent seemed to stick to him like nothing else, haunting him long after she left the room.
Hiccup turned off the tap and dried his hand; there was no mark but his fingers were chilly. Astrid and Heather shooed him away from the sink, taking over making up their lunch while he tried to rub warmth back into his extremities. Everything was already done anyway, so there was limited room for disaster. They managed perfectly well to apply the vegetable and tomato sauce to the drained pasta, topped off with a little grated cheese.
"Is there more of this?"
"The sauce? No, but I can make more of it in under an hour and you can freeze it for future use."
Astrid did a little victory fist pump, biting into another mouthful of pasta with a smile. Heather was relatively quiet, occasionally glancing over to the door stairs that led up to where Valka was staying.
"Does the father not wanna know or something?"
Hiccup tried not to display outward signs of nerves; he very much did want to know.
"Uh... I don't know. She hasn't mentioned much about him to be honest."
Astrid hummed, gesturing with her fork vaguely.
"So you don't know who it is?"
Hiccup shrugged.
"It's not important to me. Whoever it is has the right to privacy, it's different knowing I'm going to be getting a new sibling."
"Makes sense. I think."
They ate and the girls cleaned up while Hiccup began prepping to make a new batch of pasta sauce, chuckling to himself about how much he fed Astrid despite her moving out. Valka popped her head around to say she was going out but that Toothless was currently asleep on her bed, having come up to investigate while she was getting ready.
"Are you uh, coming back tonight?"
"I should certainly imagine so."
"Oh, do you want me to put my SatNav in your car?"
Valka ducked her head slightly.
"No, it's fine. You're busy."
"It'll take no time at all. Astrid, think you can not poison this for five minutes?"
She swatted at him but nodded, holding her hands up in a clear 'not touching it' gesture as Hiccup turned the heat down on the pot full of tomato goop and headed toward the door. Valka watched him, following as they went outside. Hiccup awkwardly leant into his car and pulled out the on board mini-computer he kept forgetting he shouldn't leave in there.
"It's got a home function, so if you're lost press that button and it'll direct you back here from wherever you are."
"Thank you."
Valka stepped aside so Hiccup could fold himself into her car, the smell of her heavy in the enclosed space and he knew he would have to change to get it off him. Hiccup set the SatNav up on her dashboard and turned it on.
"Bring it in when you get back later so I can charge it, but there you go."
Hiccup slid from the car, straightening up and almost stumbling in shock at how suddenly close she was to his face. Her breath was warm on his cheek. If Hiccup turned his head just so...
"I uh... yeah. There."
Valka's face was a palette of emotions, one maybe even disappointment as he stepped back and hastened back to the house. His pulse was permanently raised whenever Valka was in arms reach, making him unsure whether it was arousal or anxiety she inspired in him.
Probably both.
"All done?"
"Yep."
Hiccup finished the pasta sauce off and left it to cool so it could be scooped into tubs and transported off to Astrid and Heather's place.
"You walked Toothless today?"
"Not yet. I'll wait for him to come down."
Astrid rolled her eyes fondly, lazing against Heather's side comfortably while they watched TV. If Hiccup really, really tried, he could pretend nothing was unusual. After another hour and still no sign of Toothless, Astrid offered to go up and get him as she got antsy to go for her usual post-meal walk.
"I'll go. I uh, I don't know how Valka feels about you going in her room."
"Fair point. Off you go."
Hiccup tackled the stairs with a little difficulty, reminding him he had resolved to go for physiotherapy again. He didn't want to be worried his leg would give way under him constantly when the baby came. It took him a few deep inhale-hold-exhale rounds to make himself push open Valka's bedroom door fully.
Toothless was napping on top of pale blue bed linen; the Hofferson airing cupboards had every colour under the rainbow and Valka had picked out some icy blue colouring. Hiccup couldn't help but let his eyes sweep the room, finding she was a little messy as he spied clothes not in perfectly folded piles or even in assigned spaces. A hairbrush rested on the bedside table next to a concertina photo frame set up, containing pictures of Valka with an array of people and animals. He suspected they were memories of people she had worked with.
Something caught his eye, a t-shirt sort of tucked beneath the bedsheets but Toothless had dislodged them pulling a little nest together.
His t-shirt.
The one he panicked about being unable to locate when Valka had left him in his sleep. She'd obviously taken it, apparently keen to have something of his. Hiccup couldn't help but think of her cradling it as she slept...
Had she missed him? Ached for him the way Hiccup had for her?
It seemed unlikely, she was far less emotionally distraught about them being back in close proximity. Perhaps the t-shirt was a motherly thing; Valka could well have missed him as a son but not a lover. He couldn't really miss her as a mother, having not had the time or admittedly, the inclination to truly know her as one.
"Come on Toothless, time to get moving."
The mutt leapt from the bed before stretching himself out with a big yawn, wagging his scruffy tail in Hiccup's direction and waiting to be walked out of the room. Hiccup closed the door behind them, pulling in lungfuls of air not saturated with Valka. She had only lived in there for a day, yet it was clear her presence was keenly felt by him.
"Hello cutie pie!"
Astrid made a big fuss of Toothless, which he hugely enjoyed, before Hiccup got his walking boots on - ridiculously expensive when one only needed the support of one shoe, but he was very wary of treating his organic limb with support and care. He could get special insoles made to help ensure he didn't over correct his gait because of his prosthetic.
If he went to physiotherapy, that was.
"Lets get rolling."
Heather peered down at her phone, frowning at the time.
"Actually babe, I think I should get going. I got work this afternoon. Can you drive her home Hiccup?"
"Sure, thats not a problem."
"Thanks. I'll see you at home babe."
The two kissed while Hiccup looked away, going to check the back door was locked before they all left through the front. Heather went to her car, leant over to hug Hiccup goodbye gently and then slid into her vehicle.
Hiccup and Astrid continued on with the dog walk, not really noticing the weather and chatting lightly until they reached the park and sat on the bench while Toothless had a sniff around and stretched his legs.
"So how is it living with her really?"
"Uh. Strange. But not terrible. She's going to have one of those scan things tomorrow."
"Ultrasound?"
"Yeah. Cus she didn't know she was pregnant for months, she's not had medical follow up or whatever it's called but now she's back here she can."
"Trekking all over the world and being exposed to gods only know what... can't imagine that sort of unknown."
Hiccup hadn't even thought of that. He had been too thrown by everything else going on.
"Oh yeah. Guess she just has to hope everything is ok until tomorrow. I don't really know much about pregnancy."
"That's not surprising. Maybe you should get some books since you don't know anything about babies either and you'll panic if you don't try and prepare."
Astrid knew him so well.
"Good idea. Guess I'm gonna learn how to do home made baby food since I cook for everyone else too."
"Don't forget nappy changes. I mean, this is all assuming she stays long term or even wants you to help out."
Hiccup nodded.
"I hope so. It'll suck to bond with the baby only to lose them."
Astrid squeezed his hand and leant her head on his shoulder, hugging him tight but staying where Hiccup could see her at all times.
"I know. We'll just have to see what happens bro. I'm gonna be there for you no matter what."
"Oh, that reminds me. You wanna this open meeting at the adoption support thing? It's not for a month but they have one you can come to."
"Sounds great. Ready to head back?"
Hiccup nodded, whistling to Toothless who came barreling back to them and sat panting while Hiccup reattached his leash. They walked back slowly, the silence with Astrid comfortable as opposed to how awkward it would be with anyone but his little sister.
All three entered the Hofferson home again and flopped down with cold drinks, relaxing after the walk before Hiccup took Astrid and her haul of food home.
"Freeze this tonight, then when you wanna use it you can either leave it in the fridge overnight or defrost it in a pan. I've never done that myself but I imagine it's not too dangerous."
Astrid giggled, helping cart the Tupperware tubs to her kitchen. It definitely had a more homely feel than Hiccup remembered, family photos and hair bobbles everywhere with everything having a liberal sprinkling of cat hair.
"You ok bro?"
"Yep. Just tired."
"Ah. You can go home if you like, I got company and Heather will be back soon. Go take a nap or bake something."
Hiccup smiled gratefully, hugged his sister goodbye and headed back to his car. He was anxious but also a little excited about the medical thing the next day. It would make a change not to be in a medical setting for himself for once. And there was the prospect of seeing his child on a screen. He was still waiting for it to feel real. For there to be something other than awkwardness and nerves associated with Valka being back.
He didn't think about her closeness earlier. Didn't think about her sleeping with his t-shirt.
He didn't think about the itching desire to touch her rounding belly. It was a slippery slope from there to other thoughts, thoughts Hiccup was determined not to think.
Valka returned that evening smiling, placing the SatNav down next to where he was on his laptop at the kitchen table looking at baby websites. He closed the browser before she saw that. He looked up to thank her for bringing it in, but before he could say anything she was pressing a hand to her own stomach.
"Is something wrong?"
"No no. It took the babe a while to start kicking noticeably. I still get surprised."
He watched her hand explore the bump, smiling widely to herself and his chest fluttered strangely.
"Would you like to feel it?"
Hiccup faltered, but only for a second before nodding.
"Come here."
Hiccup moved, letting her guide his hand to where a firm push could be felt against his palm. He couldn't suppress a happy sound; something primal responded to the symbol of life from his child.
"That's amazing."
Valka was still beaming when Hiccup looked up again, fingers flexing on the fabric of her dress.
The baby kicked again.
Valka leant a fraction closer.
Hiccup didn't stop her.
A shrill ringing sound broke the intense moment, both separating immediately. Hiccup felt his heart stutter as Valka fumbled to answer her mobile, holding it to her ear.
"Hello? Oh yes, I got back just fine."
He left her on the phone, grabbing his laptop and the SatNav to escape to his room kicking himself. Nothing was going to happen. They were going to focus on the baby, not each other and he suspected for her it was only a moment of weakness, brought on by elation from the baby. She didn't want him that way, not like she had before. If she did, Valka had to know he wouldn't turn her away.
So there was no reason for her not to, if she wanted to. So obviously, she didn't. Hiccup would do his best to behave accordingly. He had hidden the whole thing successfully from Astrid for six months. He could handle the three months until the baby came. Then there would be a big huge distraction that should surely help Hiccup manage his feelings.
Hopefully.
-HTTYD-
Accidentally wrote all this instead of trying to do a bit of this and then some work on Taboo. Guess I'll go start that now.