Chapter 4: Changeable and unchangeable

(October 23, 2001) (PX) Takeru POV

After Marimo chan lesson, I am completely exhausted both mentality and physicality.

"You are amazing Shirogane san" the squad mascot Tama speaks excitedly to me.

"Not at all Tamase san" was all I could reply. I don't know what so amazing about give a serious answer to a wrongly heard question and do a 200 push up as the punishment for dreaming in class.

"You are one hilarious man" Class Rep speaks to me while folding her arm and grinning.

"Thank you for your kind word. But I don't think I am" At least, I didn't expect to turn myself into a clown in the very first day. It wasn't supposed to be like that.

"You are weird" Ayamine speaks with her usual hard to read face

"You are the last person I want to hear it from" I poured every ounce of my strength to yell to her. She is definitely the weirdest person in this whole squad. No, I make a mistake. Let me correct it. She is the weirdest person ever walking on this world.

"You are one clumsy man. Now, I understand what is so special about you Shirogane san" Meiya speaks to me in a half joking manner.

"Stop teasing me already." I used up the last portion of my strength to mutter my denial.

Good god, it definitely wasn't end up this way in any of my previous loop. Because of that incident, I wasn't able to become Takeru the Ace, Takeru the Magnificent, or Takeru the Special. Now I am nothing but Takeru the Clown. Whenever my name comes up, the girls in my squad and even Marimo Chan will definitely react with some giggles as the result. However, in my opinion, maybe it is better this way. It is only because of this incident, I could actually come to understand the fact that these girls are still very much alive. This means I can still avert their death with every single action that I take. However, it doesn't mean I will ever forget about their death. I won't allow myself to forget it at all cost. If it was another curse of mine besides being a Casualty Conductor, I will make use of this curse to bring out the fullest extent of my strength.

Ok, what done is done. There is still a major problem that I have to settle. A sudden new found vigor rises up inside me. I just couldn't stand being treated as a stranger by these girls. "Sasaki, can I call you class rep?"

"…"

She looks totally stunned by what I said. I don't mind, since I am kind enough to wait for her to finish accessing the data. I continue my ranting: "Meiya, Tama, and Ayamine…that's how I would like to address everyone. You can call me Takeru or Shirogane as you like. I am a new guy after all, I prefer if all of us opened up with each other."

Meiya "He is serious" Of course I am, I am always serious. It's just because of the misunderstanding in this morning that I look totally like a clown.

Ayamine "Why's only mine normal?" Yes, we had a conversation about this already. This part is already scripted.

"Would you prefer I call you Kei?"

"Stop…" Ayamine hold up her hand and said it in a comical manner.

"Mine sound like a cat" Tama squeaks

Takeru "I think it's cute. Do you mind?"

"No, not at all" Tama shakes her head in denial

Takeru "Now we can speak with each other with less formality. This is definitely better."

"Why am I class rep?", the Megane Tsundere girl roared.[She really took her time to process the data. Maybe she is actually dumber than she looks.]. "Shirogane, for some reason, I could detect that you thought something rude about me just now."

Urg, she's sharp. "No not at all class rep. Your behavior, attitude, and your image just remind me of my old class rep. You give off the feeling of a role model class rep of class rep. That is all"

Chiruzu sighed ". I have never seen someone tell other how to address him"

Takeru "Okay, then it's decided"

Chiruzu "For a cry baby, you are surprising forceful"

"Geh. Can we stop talking about that Class rep? It was a misunderstanding." Takeru sheepishly replied

"I understand …crybaby san" Class rep giggled as she spoke

"Geh" Takeru face palmed while the girls giggle soundly.

(Yokohama track field) Marimo POV

Marimo was seriously surprise at Takeru stamina. He has great stamina for a new greenhorn enlist." I guess I should expect the unexpected from him." For some reason, he always has a way of dragging everyone else to follow his own pace. "Despite being a cry baby, he is surely one mysterious man" Marimo giggles and mutters to herself.

"Marimo chan, you better stop calling me a crybaby already. It's not funny at all." Takeru spoke as he finishes his final lapse.

I can't quite believe that he could hear it from such distance. I can't help but grin at the young man "Then you have only to prove yourself"

"No way, Marimo chan…"

"Quit your yapping, Grab the gear in the cages and march for ten Kilometers" I glared at him furiously. I totally have no idea what did Yuuko speak to the boy about me. However, that must explain why he develops a habit of calling me Marimo chan.

"Roger that" the girls replied in unison.

Takeru "What? We are not running full gear?"

"…"And for some reason, this guy really knows how to get on someone nerve. "I see. You must really have a lot of extra energy from the exemption of draft right?"

"Well, I…mean...this is somewhat too easy" Takeru spoke in a godly innocent manner.

"…"He clearly knows the way to drive someone insane. What's nerve! I thought I instructed him to prove himself not getting on my nerve. "Shirogane, you will run an extra 10 kilometer with full gear while carrying the dummy machine gun" I furiously bark out the order at him. Now I totally look like a bully.

Takeru POV

It seems that Marimo chan impression of me has hit rock bottom, it couldn't be any lower than that. All of my efforts to improve her impression of me seem to backfire for some reason. What am I now? A clown and a crybaby?

Takeru immediately follows the order given by his Marimo chan looking unsatisfied and dejected.

"Shirogane" [Gasp, I had a bad feeling about this] "What's with that unsatisfied look of yours?" Marimo glares at me. Crap, I think I could even spot a nerve on her forehead is about to pop.

"It's nothing instructor. It's must be your imagination. Hahaha. I will proceed with this exercise." If I stay here any longer, a KIA (Kill in action) report of mine just might be delivered to Yuuko sensei office by the end of the day.

As I packed up the gear, I found that my physics have not changed much. "Good, my strength is still in good shape." The weight of the fully packed gears was hardly a problem. With this, I am ready to go.

Marimo POV

Marimo could not believe what she actually saw. The newly recruit aka crybaby was actually finished his assignment without breaking a sweat. Even all the girls in his squad must be shocked at this achievement of his now. Given his physics condition, Marimo musts admit that this boy could even rival a veteran in term of stamina and strength. "So in the end, Yukon's expectation of him is not all baseless."Marimo suddenly found an interest in the young man as a veteran soldier herself.

(Takkeru's Room), Takeru POV

This room remains unchanged as compare to what my memory record. It is brand new and yet it's not. It gives off such an inexplicable feeling. However, this place is where I truly feel at home the most. I guess I had truly become a citizen of this world. "I am home".

Now, I finally have some time to plan out my next action. Yuuko sensei is probably busily redoing her thesis as well as reorganizes her plan in this moment. Her talent and her brilliancy are probably the things that I could never understand. I totally have no idea how she going to counter the disadvantage of the generator as she claimed nor how she is going to improvise the condition of the 00 unit. Nevertheless, despite the entire unknown factors around her, I have always believed that she would eventually find the answer to everything. That's the reason I had to play my cards right. She is an extremely sharp woman and a genius to boot while I am an extremely poor actor. If I was to ask Kasumi helps me to read her mind on her upcoming plan, there is a 99.99% that she will know it just from deducting my daily reactions. That's brilliancy part of her are both to be scared and respect. She is probably the last person in this earth could be manipulated as someone else chess piece. That's why the seed of doubt that I planted in her works as a contact-lens. It masks away my true nature in this chessboard she is playing. Rather seeing me as a wild piece with an ability to go against the rule of the board, she probably believes that I am a pawn who has reached the end of his journey. That's one of the very few advantage I have over hers in this chessboard.

However, ultimately, the player of this game board is still Yuuko sensei, and I am nothing but a piece on this large chessboard. We ultimately share a same goal, yet disagree with each other as how do we intend to move the pieces. Yuuko sensei is the only person who has the power to move the chess pieces while I am the only one in this board who could see through the enemy strategy. I could not make a single mistake at this stage. If Yuuko sensei learns the truth, I doubt that she would even discard me without a slightest hesitation. That is the main reason when I lied to her about the failure of the destruction of the Original Hive. That's one of my trump cards against her in this game. Even if she was to learn the truth of my intention, she would not able to discard me immediately. Not until she learns that this piece of information was nothing but a lie.

As for Kasumi, this innocent and adorable girl could never hide anything from Yuuko sensei. She is no actress. Most importantly, I don't want to see her getting herself hurt during this silly conflict between Yuuko sensei and me. Moreover, she is constantly staying by Yuuko sensei side. Not a single suspicious reaction would able to escape sensei's eyes unnoticed.

That's why the next card I going to play is extremely important in this board. Either she turns her focus to the decoys I am about to lay or I have no choice but to follow her in this board.

"Urg" I am really no strategist and definitely no leader. I definitely work better as some pawn. Even with just a few calculations, I am completely worn out mentally. I could feel the immense pain as my brain is clearly overworking itself. "It would be a thousand time better if I could just shut up and follow Yuuko sensei every order." However, I know I am just asking the impossible if I aim to save everyone else.

"Crap. My brain is going to be short-circuited as this rate. Maybe I should get some fresh air and exercise." I quickly change into my training uniform again and move toward the tracking field.

(Tracking field) Takeru POV

"Wow, I didn't expect it would be this warm at this hour giving how cold the lab room was yesterday night". Takeru mutter as he starts to do some warm up exercises. "Huh? " He could spot someone is jogging in the track far away. Without using a single cell in his tired brain, he could immediately guess the identity of that person. "Meiya"

Takeru let himself in a full dash to catch up with the samurai girl. "Meiya", he called her name as he was about 10 meters away. Takeru would never do something as rush straight to her back as this rate knowing her supreme skill in combat and her monstrous reflex.

"Oh, Takeru" Meiya looks surprised as she saw me catching up to her pace.

"Wow, you are really diligent and discipline. Even continue to practice at this hour."

"It's nothing that grandeur. It's my daily routine. I wish to be an Eishi as soon as possible." Meiya speak while slow down her speed to match Takeru pace.

I still remember this conversation with her before. Despite that, I asked "Why?"

Meiya stops running, folds her two arms together and close her eyes as she is in deep thought. "My reason is quite ordinary. I have something to protect"

Despite already known the answer, I continue to ask "Do you mind to share to me what exactly that you want to protect?"

Meiya let out a graceful smile fitting of her usual image "…this planet…the people of this country…and Japan as a whole nation"

"I see" Takeru replied with a soft voice as he remembers the moment when he pulled the trigger that conclude the life of this beautiful girl as well as the primary BETA unit. [Meiya can be incredibly hard head. She won't hesitate for a moment if she could exchange her life for this country, for Yuuhi, for her squad mates, or for my sake. She is also an incredibly kind and sweet girl beneath despite how gallant and gracious she may look as a samurai. I have undoubtedly have fallen for these parts of her long time ago in some of my previous loops. Little do I know how much I have hurt her or little does she know how much pain she has inflicted upon me in my last loop. I stupidly make a girl who love me dearly from the bottom of her heart become my noble confidant, who has to listen to my love trouble, give me advice to approach her love rival. In contrast, this girl who love me wholeheartedly make me shot her to ensure the success of the mission and everyone's sacrifice is not in vain, to ensure I could survive. We love each other dearly yet completely powerless to bring happiness to one another…]

"Takeru, do you have something that you want to protect?"Meiya asked while completely obvious to my current state of mind.

"Earth and humanity" I reply

"I see…"before she manages to finish her sentence, I cut in "is what I want to say"

Meiya's eyes open widely in surprise at my answer. I continue "Earth and humanity is what I want to say. Meiya, if you ask me this same question ages ago, my answer would definitely have remained unshaken: this planet and humanity. However, as I am now, my answer would be everything I hold dear... Meiya, there was a girl who love me wholeheartedly before. But, I was too dense to realize it. Every moment that I stay by her side brought her more pain than happiness. Yet, I am entirely unaware of it until the final moment. There was an eventful accident. She has finally conveyed her feeling. Her feeling has definitely reached mine. Yet, she begged me to be the one to send her to her grave. I don't think I could have made another choice during that incident even as I am now. From that moment, I swore to myself. Even if I have to make a pact with the devil himself, I would never let a person close to me get hurt ever again. If I couldn't protect something as small as that, how could I protect something else?" Takeru eyes were blurred with tear as he finished his speech. He poured every single emotion into this speech of his, hoping that one day, he would have enough power to protect everything he treasure including the girl who look at him in trance at this very moment.

Meiya POV

Meiya on another hand was lost at what to do. She wants to apologize to Takeru for digging up his old wound. Yet, as she listened to Takeru speech, she wasn't sure if it's the right thing to do. In fact, she admires his strength. Takeru's story depicted only sorrow, tragic and despair. Even worse, Takeru's eyes reflect an image of a millennium of unhappiness, sorrow, despair that probably only Takeru himself could possibly endure. Meiya can't help but admire this strength of his despite the heaviness she felt deep inside. How could he still retain his sanity, courage, determination and resolve to continue in this fight? No normal human being could possibly do that.

Then, Meiya abruptly remembers about the rumor she heard from instructor Jinguuji Marimo. It was a day before Takeru met the whole squad. Instructor Jinguuji mentioned that this boy is "Special". No one in the squad could actually understand what she means when she use that word "Special". If people would use a word to describe any person in her squad, it would be "Special". Meiya herself is a ghost child of this country, the twin sister of the most powerful person in this entire empire of Japan. Ayamine is the daughter of the ex-great general of Japan. Chizuru is the daughter of the Prime Minister of Japan. Tamase is the only daughter of the undersecretary of the UN. If even instructor Jinguuji compares him as "Special" to them, he can only be a bizarre existence. Meiya and everyone else in the squad weren't sure that his Specialness was referring to themselves or the world as a whole. What make him so special? Does his specialness refer to his strength or his own root? Meiya doesn't have a single hint for these question.

Meiya believes it was this strength of his that makes him so special. She looks at the boy who is grabbing his arm tightly as if he is swearing something to himself. Meiya was ultimately surprised to see this side of him. She could never able to relate him to the same boy who clumsily makes a fool of himself in the morning or the one referred as the crybaby by her squad mates. "Perhaps, this part of him is what makes him truly special" Meiya let out a smile as she whispered in a volume that only she could hear. She is then extends her hand to Takeru and asks "I will always be there for you, Takeru. If you ever need my help, I will always be there for you."

Takeru smile at her while wiping away his tear "Thank you Meiya". He is then held Meiya extended hand with both of his own in appreciation.

Little does Meiya know how much happiness that these simple lines of her brought to Takeru. Even Takeru himself probably could not know that as well. However, there was one thing that Meiya know for sure. But, it's a secret of hers for today. Perhaps, one day, she would eventually reveal it. Perhaps it is Takeru himself who will find out about it. But it is another story at another time.

…

Author note: Geh, this is surely the toughest chapter I have to write until now of this story. I try to imagine how Takeru himself would feel when suddenly face all of his deceased squad mates kicking and living like nothing happen. Even worse, nobody could remember him even after all eventful situations they went through with each other. As a result, my eyes keep on watering like a broken faucet. My little sisters saw that and keep teasing me : giant crybaby, (How's embarrassing). That's why I have my revenge by making Shirogane Takeru into a crybaby as well. After all, he is the source of my headache. So he deserve it LOL

I can't express my gratitude enough to all people who has support me as this story unfold. Thank you Paulo, your words are really kind, it's keep my motivation up at all time knowing you would have always look forward to my story. Thank you Xarserum, I will definitely make this story more refreshing as Takeru Shirogane will keep on evolving throughout this story.