My mental health is in a slump but hey lets see what happens

-HTTYD-

Valka never actually ended up sleeping in the spare room. She dressed in there, spent time in there sometimes when their son was napping but Hiccup surrendered to her sleeping next to him.

Magni wasn't the only one unsettled and in need of comfort.

They never went to sleep embraced, but always woke up that way. Hiccup cursed his sleeping selfs betrayal. Aside from the sleeping though, Valka was respecting Hiccup's cessation of their intimate relationship. There was no kissing, no constantly touching each other. Definitely no sex. No holding hands and cuddling in front of the tv.

"Hiccup?"

He looked up from his sketch, Magni napping on the big baby pillow in his playpen, seeing Valka stood in the doorway looking puzzled.

"Yeah?"

"Is Astrid angry that I'm here?"

Trying not to visibly overreact, Hiccup shrugged offhandedly.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, she was always here or calling you. I've not noticed you using the phone, nor has she been here."

Hiccup considered answering truthfully, but he didn't want the depth of conversation that would come with it.

"She's busy with her job. I'm busy with Magni."

Valka didn't push it further, but he felt fairly sure she didn't believe him. If she thought the discord was about her return, Hiccup wouldn't change that notion. It was better than talking about how Astrid hadn't spoken to him since they discussed his fathering his own half-brother. Astrid had asked for time to decide if she could handle it; Hiccup was endeavouring to give that to her.

Gods only knew what she told Heather and Dagur about their familial problems. Probably the truth; Astrid told Heather everything and Dagur would inevitably find out if both girls knew.

"Dada!"

"Oh, look who's awake!"

Magni held his arms up to Hiccup, wanting cuddles and doting affection which he naturally got. He loved his son so much. Nuzzling into his fathers chest, he smiled up at Hiccup and looked so sweet and happy with his messy auburn hair and bright green eyes.

"Love you little guy."

He didn't quite compute the words, but Magni definitely understood 'love' was a good word as he always perked up hearing it, especially when Valka cuddled him and whispered "momma loves you" to him every night.

"Thirty."

"You want juice or milk?"

"Milk!"

Milk satisfied both his hunger and thirst, required little effort from the boy with poor fine motor functions. Nadia suspected he would need physical therapy of some sort to improve it, but it wasn't commonly done unless the child reached two with no improvement. By the age of two, Magni would be allowed to have his brace off for a couple of hours a day, working up to only wearing it at night from the age of three to four. With any luck, that would be the end of his club foot problems.

Then there were his absence seizures, which he would grow out of eventually. He would probably need glasses. Likely developmentally delayed. Hiccup wavered often on whether it was fair on their son that he was likely paying the price for his parents blood relation, with his smaller stature and growing list of concerns.

But their boy was bright and happy, mostly quite healthy all things considered. They couldn't undo what they had done, and Hiccup would never wish to not be a father. All they could do was make the best of things, and Leo was still utterly perfect to him.

"How long until Egypt?"

Magni had learnt what questions including things like "until you go" meant, and grew distressed by them so Hiccup changed tack, successfully avoiding upset in the toddler as he stood to go make the boy a bottle.

"Six days. I have to call my mother soon as her birthday is the same day as my flight."

Having met Rama, Hiccup shook his head at the memory of the incessantly chatty woman who was directly or indirectly responsible for the three generations of family sat in the room - if she hadn't had Valka, there would be no Hiccup and without Hiccup and Valka, there would be no Leo.

"Have fun with that. Come on little guy, lets get you your bottle."

Hiccup had resolved to try and gently transition the boy at least to drink his follow-on formula from a cup of some kind rather than daily bottles, but for now he didn't want to cause any undue anxiety for anybody when Valka was about to leave again. Sitting Leo in his high chair, Hiccup mused that there was an upside to his smaller stature in the not needing to find bigger seats with the same ease of use for him and his braced feet.

Not that he would resent Magni for growing if he gained a sudden growth spurt out of nowhere. Humming to himself, Hiccup mixed up the bottle and warmed it just enough - the older-age-group formulations could be drunk cold according to the instructions, but Magni liked it warm. Hiccup smiled in response to the boys excitement about the kitchen, circled around the side of the chair as a supporting holder - Magni could do it but often slipped still.

"There we go, better little guy?"

Letting go of his bottle but not stopping drinking - je didn't seem to associate letting things go with dropping them - a little hand lifted to point behind Hiccup at something. He never really did that for Valka, but Hiccup turned around anyway. Saw someone rather unexpected.

"Oh. Hi Astrid."

She frowned somewhat at his surprise.

"You were expecting someone else?"

Hiccup winced internally. Astrid obviously hadn't spotted evidence that Valka was around yet.

"Well, Nadia lets herself in sometimes. And, well... Valka is visiting."

Astrid's scowl deepened; given how they parted, Hiccup wasn't surprised Astrid didn't want to see Valka.

"Visiting?"

"To see Leo. Off to Egypt by next week."

Hiccup would never tell Astrid she was unwelcome in the Hofferson home, but he had to confess himself at a bit of a loss as to why she was there right now. Clearly, she hadn't quite dealt with the whole incestuous parenting thing. Magni's bottle clattered to the table and Hiccup turned to find him having an absence fit, unable to hold the bottle up at all. Astrid watched in confusion as Hiccup checked the boy had finished swallowing before it happened, so he couldn't choke on anything.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Absence seizure. He'll be fine in a minute."

He lifted Leo out of his seat, sat down with him on his lap to wait for the fit to pass. It reassured the young dad to watch his son come around, and sure enough the boys alertness returned with his usual smile up at Hiccup.

"Dada!"

Hiccup sighed in relief, hugged him gently and finished feeding him the rest of his bottle.

"There we go little guy. All better?"

"Yuh!"

He got a beaming, toothy grin from the little cherub, then returned his attention to Astrid who was watching silently.

"What's an absence seizure?"

"Pretty much what it sounds like. He goes absent, usually only for seconds but sometimes a couple of minutes at a time. They don't hurt him, and he ought to grow out of them eventually."

Stroking his hair, Hiccup smiled as he was cuddled by his son, little fists bunching up his t-shirt playfully.

"Mama?"

"You want mama?"

"Yuhhh."

Hiccup stood up, carrying Leo toward the door and Astrid reached out, touched the babe's soft hair. She was rewarded by a happy gurgle, arms reaching out for a cuddle. Hiccup nodded his assent, and Astrid reached out to take hold of him.

"Ooh, you've gotten heavy little guy."

"Funny, because he's underweight for his age and only just edging healthy for his height."

"Yeah, but so were you for like, ever."

A smile actually appeared on Astrid's face as mini Magni babbled away to his aunt, speech improving but it wasn't always intelligible.

"He does have the weight advantage of his bootie brace."

"He walking yet?"

"If I hold him he can walk alright, but mostly he's not interested. He can crawl like lightning though when he wants to."

The most they had spoken in over three months, and naturally it was about Leo. Hiccup didn't care; he'd missed Astrid hugely and would happily talk about his son to anyone who'd listen.

"Mama!"

Magni spied Valka, who Hiccup realised had likely overheard everything and added up that he and Astrid were not in fact on good terms. She didn't say anything, only approached where they were stood with the boy reaching out for her. Astrid handed him over, face unreadable as she watched Valka with her son. Hiccup's son.

"Come on little one, let's leave these two to talk shall we?"

Hiccup watched her carry Leo away to the living room, warmed by the boys happy smile as he looked up at his mother before he turned back to his sister.

"Did you want to? Talk, I mean."

"I don't know. I wasn't expecting to see her."

He headed back into the kitchen, if only to perch on a stool and rub his twinging knee. He was beginning to suspect it was partly psychosomatic pain, often flaring when he was anxious as much as when he had overdone the walking. Astrid followed just to the inside of the room, looking at the pictures of the little boy stuck on the fridge and noticeboard mingling with older Hofferson photos.

"I wasn't expecting to see you."

"Suppose I could have called ahead."

"No, I'm glad you're here. I just... you clearly haven't dealt with this, you still can't even look at me for long."

Astrid sighed, leaning against the wall and fixing her eyes on him. Hiccup could see she struggled, eventually looked away.

"You're right. I'm not. But... I miss my big brother. I just wish you weren't also the guy I know who has sex with his mother."

"Had. We aren't... doesn't really matter does it?"

She shrugged, fiddling with her braid and Hiccup noticed how her hair had grown since he last saw her, almost down to her waist now when she swung it back over her shoulder to rest between her shoulder blades. He hesitated before speaking again, not wanting to make Astrid think he was trying to guilt her.

"I miss you too. I know mini Magni does too, points to your picture sometimes and pouts."

"Well of course he does, I'm his big sister... and his aunt. That's just weird."

"I know. I thought the same when I met Rama. Who is both mine and Leo's grandmother, and also his great-grandmother."

"You're his father and his brother. She gave birth to her own grandchild."

Hiccup nodded, unsure how to answer Astrid. She was right, and he couldn't refute any of it. Nor were there excuses to be made.

"I don't know what you want to hear."

"Honestly? Neither do I."

They remained in an awkward silence for several minutes, until Astrid broke it by crossing the room and hugging him tight. So unusued to most physical contact, Hiccup floundered before returning it hesitantly. Astrid pulled away, face still unreadable.

"What was that for?"

"Being my brother" then she punched him in the shoulder "and that's for screwing your mother."

He had expected some kind of retaliation rather than straight out ignorance from Astrid, so in a way the throbbing bruise that would form on his shoulder was practically a relief. He rubbed it to try and diffuse the pain, wondering where they would go from there.

"Yep. Fair enough."

"Hiccup?"

Valka's voice found them, and Hiccup stuck his head out of the kitchen to see her at the doorway of the living room, could hear a disgruntled "mama!" cry from behind her.

"Yeah?"

"Are there spare wipes?"

"Yep. Hold on" he grabbed a new pack from the multi-box on top of the fridge "here you go."

He took a few steps and tossed them across to her and Valka caught them deftly, turned and vanished presumably to finish cleaning up the boy she was changing. Hiccup returned to the kitchen, found Astrid fiddling with her phone.

"I have to go, works called me in."

Admittedly disappointed after not seeing or speaking to her for near four months, Hiccup nodded.

"Ok."

"Its not a ruse, I promise. Hoffersons honour. I'll... I'll be in touch."

She hesitated, but hugged him again after a minute. Hiccup returned it, watched Astrid begin to leave and then something occurred to him.

"Astrid?"

"Yeah?"

"What did you tell Heather and Dagur?"

"The truth" Hiccup's heart turned over " That we had a fight about Valka, and that I want to deal with it myself. I never said they had to stop seeing you, but..."

A little relieved Astrid hadn't shared it all, Hiccup finished for her.

"They assumed the fight was my fault. Rightly so. Thanks for telling me. Go on, get to work"

He actually got a smile before Astrid left, though after the door closed he slumped against the wall, rubbed his face and sighed. He needed to shave.

"Hiccup?"

Valka appeared at the door, holding Magni who was chewing on his finger. He gently extracted it, gave the boy a sliced cucumber stick to help soothe his gums as he wasn't done teething.

"Yeah?"

"You never... why didn't you tell me Astrid knew?"

"Because I didn't want to talk about it."

Her face seemed to fall, hidden against Leo's hair as she kissed his temple and muttered something he wasn't sure he heard right.

"What do you mean, you were too late?"

Hiccup watched as she sighed, looking almost... defeated? by something.

"Can we talk? When he goes down for a nap?"

Curiosity piqued, Hiccup nodded in quiet agreement. They had a near-silent lunch, bathed Magni together after he succeeded in getting more food in his hair than usual. He was less prone to misbehaving by now, fairly secure in his mother being back. Hiccup dreaded the aftermath, had begun to wonder if Valka being in and out of his young life wasn't in fact going to be detrimental.

"Sleepy."

Magni muttered, rubbing his eyes and yawning adorably as Hiccup dressed him after his bath. He smiled, tickling the little feet and watching the boy squeal and wriggle in protest, settling only when he was done getting skin cream on. Well, until the brace went back on.

"No!"

"Come on, you know you need it. I tell you enough times."

Pouting, a sleepy irritable toddler huffed and sulked until Valka took him for a cuddle, kissing his little brow and nuzzling his hair before putting him down for his nap. She picked up the baby monitor, gestured for Hiccup to head out with her to the living room. Sat in her usual seat awkwardly. Hiccup did the same, still clueless what she wanted to talk about.

"I didn't go because I wanted to. I left because I couldn't bear to cost you your sister."

"But... you said you were leaving anyway. Said you were only staying until you could take Magni with you."

"Hiccup, that was when I thought you didn't want me back. I wanted nothing more than to stay with you, and it was the hardest thing I ever did, but my pain didn't matter if you didn't have to worry about Astrid finding out. That's why I left our boy with you. Because I couldn't bear to separate you two, but I could surely find the strength to remove myself before I hurt you."

Hiccup frowned, remembering that moment Valka had first planted the idea of leaving after they... reconnected. How she had seemed to be settling down until Hiccup confided his worry of Astrid's discovery, the subsequent non-acceptance. Only then had she started talking leaving again...

"Why didn't you talk to me about this? Why did I have to find out about you having post-partum depression from Nadia?"

Valka pulled her knees up to her chest, shaking her head and looking startlingly small for a woman of over six foot in height.

"Because I did it again. The depression was my punishment."

"Did what?"

She trembled, clearly bracing herself for something unpleasant. He shifted in his seat, reacting to her discomfort and Toothless padded into the room, sensing tension.

"Your father, Stoick I mean..." Hiccup knew she wasn't about to say he was her son at least "he was my cousin."

Ok. Hiccup hadn't been expecting that.

"What?"

"I didn't know, I swear. Only when I told my parents I was pregnant did my father tell me that Stoick's father was his estranged brother. That was why Stoick didn't want the baby, why my father pushed for me to either quickly marry someone or put the baby up for adoption."

He clicked; even with her strangely referring to him as "the baby" Hiccup understood.

"So nobody would find out."

"Yes. With marriage often comes the presumption of paternity, and so it would have avoided the 'problem' as it were. But I couldn't bring myself to do that to you, so I gave you up to give you a chance at a better life."

"But... why leave now? Don't you think our son deserves both parents?"

"Of course I do. But I knew you needed Astrid more than you needed me. She was your family when I couldn't be."

Hiccup took a shot, pushed himself out of his seat and knelt on the sofa next to Valka, taking one of her hands in his own.

"Astrid already knows, and you need to stop deciding these things for me but... I want you to come home. Be part of this family you helped build."

She shook her head, though she didn't withdraw her hand from his.

"How can you... forgive everything I've put you through?"

"You'll be making it up to me, don't doubt that."

"How?"

Valka asked, obviously wary.

"I want you to get help. For your depression, and for whatever is going on in that head of yours that you won't talk to me about. If not for me, you need to do it for our boy."

"What about Astrid?"

He sighed, resigning himself somewhat.

"Either she accepts it or she doesn't, but I can't change what's happened, I can't force her to accept it and I think our son needs his mother. He's my priority."

Valka bit her lip, thinking quite deeply judging by the furrow of her brow.

"I have to go to Egypt. I promised a good friend I would, and it's for a cause close to her heart. But... afterwards. I'll come home. If you'll let me?"

What was he supposed to say? 'No, don't fulfill a promise to a friend for a good cause?'. He didn't like it, but he nodded.

"Alright. Will you agree to get help?"

Valka nodded, reaching tentatively for him and Hiccup allowed it, felt thin arms wind tight around him as they embraced. He knew he was letting go of a lot of things that they both could have done better, and that they would probably resurface during therapy or arguments down the line, but...

It was worth it.

-HTTYD-

Chapter 30 is the final chapter.

An epilogue is planned but not guaranteed to go up immediately.