Shadow of an Arrow Chapter 49: Trying to Make It Right, a young justice fanfic

A/N: Hello everyone. Sorry, there was no update on Sunday, but I was very busy with schoolwork and I had to re-write the ending to this chapter.

"How was your week?" Dinah wasn't surprised when her question was met with silence. "I'm sorry we couldn't meet last week, but I had a situation in Seattle that needed to be taken care of." For what it was worth, Roy did answer her after a minute of hesitation.

"My week was ok…"

"Ok?" Roy nodded. She didn't believe that for a minute. "Batman mentioned that your nightmares have gotten bad again."

"It's not that bad…"

"Have you slept through the night in the past 7 days?"

"…..no."

"Roy, this is a safe place, remember? Whatever you say its safe here with me. I just want to help you."

"You can't help me with this."

"Why not?"

"Because what happened was my fault."

"What happened?"

Roy swallowed and played with his shoelaces. "I-I almost got Robin killed."

"I doubt it was your fault, Roy."

"It was! Batman- Batman said so."

Dinah was a professional, so she didn't let her annoyance at Bruce show on her face. "He told you it was your fault?"

Roy nodded. "He said that I'm stupid and amateurish."

"He did?"

"I deserved it though."

"Do you remember what we talked about last week, Roy?"

"Um….I'm not responsible for what others do?"

"Why is that?"

"Because….abuse is never my fault. But Bruce isn't… He's never hit me!" The realization hit him harder than he'd expected. "He's never hurt me."

"We've talked about how abuse comes in many forms."

"No, Bruce wouldn't…."

"I know he isn't." If he had been she would get Wonder Woman to help her kick his ass. "The rule about you not controlling the actions of others applies here though."

"How?"

Dinah considered how to help Roy come to the realization on his own. "Why was what you did stupid?"

"I thought that Robin and I could take on Scarecrow alone."

"Why did you think that?"

Roy looked down. "Because I wanted to show Batman that I could do something right. With Green Arrow, I always felt like I was doing the wrong thing, but with Batman, I don't feel like that all the time. I just thought that we could handle him and Batman would see that I'm competent."

"Why is being competent so important to you?"

"If he sees that I'm competent than he'll think I deserve to be treated well."

Dinah considered this for a moment. "Did Bruce treat you well before you became Arsenal?"

"Yeah, but he could've just been trying to get me to let my guard down. Ollie was nice to me the first three weeks I lived with him."

"How long were you living in Gotham before you became Arsenal?"

"Um….three or four months I think."

"So Bruce only acted nice to get you to become Arsenal for several months?"

"Well….maybe…"

"He had Robin, did he need Arsenal?"

"I guess not."

"So if he didn't need Arsenal, why would he put so much effort into manipulating you?"

"I don't know…"

"Is it possible he was just being nice? That his treatment of you isn't in correlation to how competent you are as Arsenal?"

"I guess." Roy hadn't thought about it like that before.

"So, if Bruce is just being nice and, unlike Oliver, isn't trying to use you as a vigilante and only that, is it logical to assume he doesn't want to treat you the way Oliver does?"

"Yes."

Dinah paused momentarily to allow Roy time to process the conversation. "When Bruce called you those things Roy, how did make you feel?"

"Sacred. Worthless."

"Which is how you always felt with Oliver, right?"

"Yes."

"Do you remember what was the keyword of our abuse definitions?"

Roy thought about, thinking back to his first sessions with her. "It's intentional?"

"Yes. Oliver did what he did because he wanted to intentionally make you feel like that. Do you think that was what Bruce wanted to do?" Roy opened his mouth to say yes but then stopped. The earlier part of their conversation came back to him. Bruce didn't treat him the way Oliver did.

"No."

"I'm not saying what Bruce did was right, but it's important for you to remember that Bruce's actions aren't done for the same reasons Oliver's were. Bruce doesn't want to hurt you."

"I know."

"You do?"

Roy nodded. "I guess I do, but I just…. I just freak out when this kind of stuff happens and I can't stop it!"

Dinah nodded. Roy admitting he knew Oliver's behavior wasn't normal and didn't represent how Bruce would treat him meant that he was ready for the next phase. "Which is why tonight I'm going to teach who you how to stay calm?"

"Really?"

"Yes. I think we can safely say that being yelled at is a trigger for you."

"Ollie yelled at me when he hit me. And before he hit me. And after he hit me." That didn't really surprise Dinah. Having been on the receiving end of Oliver's screaming herself more than once, she knew it could be intimidating. If it was bad for her, who awful must it have been for someone Roy's age?

"So it makes sense then. I'm going to teach you three different techniques today. The first is progressive muscle relaxation for you to use when you start to feel panicked. The second is mediation. The third is how to talk yourself out of a panic attack."

"Ok."

"Ready?"

"Yes."

"Ok." She got up and sat down cross-legged on the ground. "Come down here." Roy moved slowly, clearly unsure of her intentions. "I want you to lay down on the ground." Roy did as he was told, heart pounding in fear. "If you're comfortable doing then you can close your eyes."

"I-I'd like to keep them open if I can."

"Of course. First thing I want you to do is to take a deep breath and hold your breath for a few seconds." Roy inhaled deeply, filling his lungs with air. "Focus on the air in your lungs. Now exhale and let the tension leave your body as you do." Roy did his best to follow her instructions. "Take another deep breath and hold it." She repeated the first step two more times, having Roy exhale slower each time. It was difficult for him to follow the instruction to let the tension out of his body, but he did his best. "Now turn your attention to your feet. Curl your toes and tense the arch in your foot." Roy did so. "Focus on how the tension feels. How does it feel?"

"Tight."

"Now relax your muscles. Focus on how the feeling of relaxation feels. How does it feel?"

"Loose. Kind of free."

"Now focus on the lower legs. Tense the muscles in your calves and focus on it. Think about how it feels. No relax them and focus on how the relaxation feels." They moved up his body slowly, Dinah telling Roy to tense different parts of his body and relax them. "Don't forget to breathe," she reminded him once they reached his stomach. It was little difficult since he'd also been told to make sure he tensed his stomach and chest harder than and longer than normal. Once they did his face and mouth he thought they'd be done, but no. "Now tense your entire body all at once. Every single muscle. Tense harder but don't strain. Now relax." Let your entire body go limp. Can you feel the relaxation in your muscles?"

"Yes."

"Focus on how different it feels from the tension. Now move your limbs slowly to wake them up. When you're ready, sit up and face me." Roy moved slowly, pushing himself up with his arms, rolling his neck, and bringing his legs up so his feet were flat on the floor. "How was that?"

"It was ok I guess."

"Do you feel calmer now?"

"I kind of do."

"That's good."

"Now we're going to learn meditation."

"This will calm me down too?"

"Hopefully, yes. Sit so you're relaxed. You should have your back straight but not so straight that it's straining. First, you're going to focus on your breathing. Breathe slowly and calmly. When you're feeling anxious you need to accept that you're feeling anxious. Don't fight back against it too hard. I want you to repeat after me. I am feeling anxious right now, but I am ok."

"I am feeling anxious right now, but I am ok."

"This feeling will pass and no harm will come to me."

"I am safe even though I feel frightened."

"I am safe even though I feel tightened."

"I will soon be calm, even though I am experiencing anxiety right now."

"I will get through this."

"I am making myself as comfortable as possible while I wait for the anxiety to decrease."

"I can help myself to become gradually more calm and relaxed until this feeling passes."

"Very good. Keep breasting and telling yourself calming messages like this. If you're trembling then you can ease this by relaxing the muscles. If your hands are shaking then pick them up like this." Roy lifted his hands up, mirroring Dinah's movements. "Now shake them like you're trying to get water off them. Let your hands hang down loosely."Imagine the tension being shaken out of your hands. Keep breathing. Inhale and think I am becoming calmer and calmer."

Roy inhaled. "I am becoming more and calmer."

"Exhale and think: I am feeling more and more relaxed."

Roy exhaled. "I am feeling more and more relaxed."

"Inhale, Calm."

Roy inhaled. "Calm."

"Exhale, Relaxed."

Roy exhaled. "Relaxed."

"Good. Now focus on any tension in your jaw and upper back. Move your shoulders in circles and let them drop to put distance between them and your ears. Move your head from side to side or stretch your arms over your head."

"Ok."

"How do you feel?"

"Calm. That's how I'm supposed to feel, right?"

"Yes. You did well. The last thing we'll do tonight is self-talk."

"To stop panic attacks, right?"

"Yes. The key to self-talk is similar to the meditation since you need to remind yourself that you're safe. Use this script when using self-talk: My name is ... I am in: name where you are. Today is: name the day of the week or the date... I am safe right now because… For instance, my name is Dinah. I am in the Justice League Watchtower. Today is Sunday, December 1. I am safe right now because no one is trying to hurt me. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to try it?"

"Um….I guess. My name is Roy. I am in the Watchtower. Today is Sunday. I am sad right now because I'm not in Star."

Dinah smiled. "Good start, but next time try it with more conviction, ok?"

"Ok."

Dinah stood up and held out her hand. Roy took it after only a moment of hesitation. She pulled him to his feet with a smile. "That's the end of our time for today."

"Really? That was fast."

"Time flies when you're having fun."

"Um….yeah…."

"Next week we'll go through all of this again."

"We will?"

"Yes. We'll do it a few times in our session so you'll know what to do when you're on your own."

"Ok. Thank you, Dinah."

"You're welcome, Roy. Have a good week."

"You too."

Dinah walked him to the door and opened it, not surprised to find Batman standing outside. "Don't forget about our meeting later Batman." Batman inclined his head slightly in response. He gently ushered Roy away, without touching him, and they left.

"You have to meet with Dinah too?" Roy asked Batman.

"Yes," Batman replied stiffly. "It's part f the therapy."

"Oh, You're doing this for me?"

"Of course."

"Oh." There was a moment of awkward silence. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. When we get home I want you to suit up for patrol."

"Yes, Batman."

— —

"You know," Dinah said as Bruce walked into the room. "It amazes me that the World's Greatest Detective can be so stupid."

Bruce didn't look remotely surprised as he took his cowl off. "I take it Roy told you about what happened?"

"You mean how you yelled at a traumatized child? Not just a traumatized child though, a child who was traumatized by a physically and verbally abusive guardian."

"Not one of my best moments-"

"Oh really?"

"I didn't mean to make him so scared."

"I sincerely hope not, since that's the reason I managed to calm him down about it earlier."

"I never wanted to make him feel worthless. I was just mad at him-"

"And I've been telling you for the last three weeks how to handle Roy. How to talk to him. How to punish him without causing him to have a panic attack!"

"I wasn't thinking! It won't happen again!"

"It'd better not! This is hard enough without you making his symptoms even worse!" She never thought she'd see Batman looking ashamed, but she was wrong. The guilt that was evident on his face made her back down slightly. Only slightly though.

"I only had enough antidote for one of them."

"What?"

"I only had enough antidote to Scarecrow's fear toxin for one of them. I gave it took Dick first because that was my automatic reaction and he's younger. Roy's reaction though…. I've never seen a reaction that severe. We had to restrain him because he was trying to rip his clothes off and scratching us. It took far longer than normal for the antidote to work."

"Probably because of his PTSD. It's a panic disorder, so I'm sure the fear toxin effects were amplified by it."

"He put himself in that situation."

"He's 15. His brain his hard-wired to make bad decisions."

"I know."

"I know you care about Roy, if you weren't you wouldn't be here. You need to use your head though!"

"I know."

"I don't think you do!"

"What can I do to fix this?"

Dinah sighed. "Show Roy that you care about him. Hug him. Tell him you're happy he's around. He needs to know you care."

Emotions really weren't his strength, but Bruce knew she was right. "Ok."

"You should also try positive reinforcement. Reward him for behaviors we want to encourage. Calming himself down. Talking about something that's bothering him. Asking questions. Things like that."

"Positive reinforcement." He could do that. He had to. Roy's mental health was counting on him.

"I'd like to think Roy would hold this against you, but given how sweet of a kid he is, I don't think that'll happen."

As far as Bruce was concerned it could be added to the list of things Roy should hold against him. "I know."

"Just…please, don't do this again. Roy needs your support especially once I start getting into the hardest parts of his therapy. He needs you, so grow up and act like an adult."

"I won't do this again. I never want to make him feel like that again."

"Good. We made some good progress earlier tonight and he's starting to come around to the idea that this whole mess wasn't his fault."

"That's good."

"And I"d like to keep it that way. Do you think you can do that?"

"Yes."

"Just remember, if you screw up like this again and jeopardize his therapy, I won't be the one you're hurting."

"I know." He scrutinized her for a moment. "You've very invested in this already."

"I'm good at my job." She seemed to consider something for a minute before nodding t the chairs. "Why don't we sit?" She sat down across from him and studied him for a moment. "I told Roy I didn't have to share specifics of his therapy with you. I only have to tell you if he's a threat to himself or others, however…I think this something you need to know because it's affecting his well-being."

"….Ok."

"Roy associates his self-worth with his performance as Arsenal. When he does well, he thinks highly of himself, but when he does poorly, like with Scarecrow, he tears himself down and believes he deserves to be treated poorly."

"…..That I probably should've guessed."

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's not going to help anyone, especially Roy. I'm not saying it to make you feel worse, I'm saying it because you need to be aware."

"I'll remember that."

"I know you need him to do well on the streets because its life or death out there, believe me, I get it, but he needs consistency from you. From what I understand, you didn't even check to see if he was ok before yelling at him." Bruce didn't say anything. "Like I said, consistency."

"I'll do my best."

"I know you will." She might not have known a lot about Batman, but she knew his best was almost superhuman. If he could put the amount of effort he put into his vigilante activities into helping Roy, the teen would be fine.

— —

Batman was standing in Oliver Queen's mansion, looking around in confusion. He was standing in a hall, watching as Green Lantern, Superman, and Wonder Woman restrained Oliver. Glowing green chains were wrapped around the man's torso and Superman and Wonder Woman each had a hand on his shoulders to keep him kneeling in place. The usual hatred and anger the Dark Knight experienced when he saw Oliver filled him. He moved forward, his fat pulling back to punch him, but a pop of red in the corner of his eye caught his attention. Curious, he walked into the room on his right.

As soon as he walked in the first thing he saw was Flash knelling on the ground. The second thing was a pair of bare feet belonging to someone laying on the ground. Dread started pulling Batman's chest tight as he walked slowly forward. It only took a few steps before he could see the face of the person. "Roy," he breathed, falling to his knees. The teen's eyes were closed and he was perfectly still. His chest was bare, revealing bruises so thick they resembled camouflage covering his torso. Batman reached out with a shaking hand, hesitating at Roy's blood covered face. "Is he-"

"Dead," Flash confirmed with uncharacteristic bluntness.

"Dead…" The word choked Batman, barely making it past his lips. "No."

"Its a damn shame. Flash shook his head. "He was just a kid, you know. An innocent kid."

"How-"

"Beaten, by the look of it." Flash slowly got to his feet with a sigh. "I know we can't save everyone but….damn I wished we had saved him."

Batman stayed still for a minute, unable to bring himself to move. His chest was tight and a burning his eyes were starting to result in a film of liquid forming over his eyes. "Roy…" he whispered, voice weak and broken. Tremors made his hand quiver as he ran it through the teen's red hair. "I'm so sorry… I-" He choked on the rest of the sentence, unable to go on. Somehow finding the strength to move, he very slowly slipped his arms under Roy's body and lifted him up. As he stood up, he stumbled, shocked by how light the teenager was. His eyes gazed sadly strayed over the thin body for a moment before he pulled Roy even closer so his head was on Batman's shoulder. Holding him as gently, yet firmly as he could, Batman slowly walked back out into the hall.

The other members of the Justice League were still there with the retrained Oliver. Everyone immediately noticed that Batman's shoulders were drawn down and his head was bent over the teen in his arms.

"Batman…?" Superman asked tentatively, almost stepping forward when he didn't get an answer. Unfortunately, at that moment, Oliver started laughing. The Justice Leaguers all slowly turned to look at him. Even Batman lifted his head.

"Why're you so sad Bats?" Oliver asked with a smirk on his face. "You did as much to help him as I did."

Batman flinched, pulling Roy almost protectively against his body. "I-"

"That's how it went, wasn't it? No one really cared about him, not even you."

"No-"

"Really? You sure had a funny way of showing it."

"Shut him up!"

"You're just as responsible as I am Batman!"

"No…"

"HIs blood is on your hands!"

"No!" Bruce gasped, suddenly jerking awake. It only took a second for his brain to register that he'd been having a nightmare before he threw the blankets off and bolted from the bed. It took him exactly 5 seconds to reach Roy's bedroom from him. In his haste, he just barely remembered to open the door quietly, so as not to wake him. He turned the light on and a sigh of relief escaped him when he saw Roy. The teen was sleeping but showed one look how he curled up tightly under the blanket and muttered to himself. After hesitating for a moment, Bruce entered the room and turned the light on. "Roy…" he said quietly.

"N-no," Roy muttered, tossing and getting himself tangled in his blankets. "Please!"

"Roy, wake-up. It's ok." Slowly, he reached out to rub the distraught teen's arm.

"Please stop!"

"It's ok, Roy. It's-"

"Please, Bruce! Please stop!" Bruce froze. "Please, Bruce, please stop! I'm sorry!" Bruce froze, horrified. Oliver wasn't the monster in Roy's nightmares, he was. He had the sudden urge to leave the room. If Roy woke up and saw Bruce was in his bedroom, it would probably send the poor kid into a panic attack. Yet his feet didn't move. Someone had to wake Roy up, rather than let him suffer in the throes of his nightmare. Swallowing his self-loathing, Bruce reached out again and put his hand on Roy's arm.

"Roy, wake up. Wake up, its ok. Roy-" He was cut off by Roy's eyes popping open and the teen scrambling away from him not even half a second later. "It's ok, it's ok. You're ok."

Roy swallowed and pulled his legs to his chest and kept his arms wrapped around them. "I-I'm sorry…"

'Why does he always apologize for having nightmares?' Bruce wondered sadly. "It's ok-"

"I didn't mean to disturb you, really. I just- I can't control them and…."

"I know, I know. It's ok. I'm not mad I just…I came to make sure you were ok." And alive, but he didn't add that. It definitely would help.

"….Oh." Roy looked down at his knees. "Even though….even though I'm so worthless?"

"No, Roy, you're not worthless. I don't think that and I don't want you to think that you are."

"But then why_' Roy sucked in a breath and a look of panic flickered onto his face.

"Why what?" Roy didn't say anything at first. "It's ok Roy, I won't get mad at you for asking, I promise."

"Why did you say…?"

Bruce sighed a little bit. "You want to know why I called you stupid?"

"You….you kept saying I'm….that I'm smart and I can…I can do stuff, but…then…"

Then Bruce called him stupid and broke down all that self-esteem he'd built up. "….I said that because I was upset. You know that sometimes when people are upset they say things they don't mean, right?"

"Yeah, but Ollie….he always meant it…"

"I know. I didn't mean it though, Roy. It doesn't excuse what I did, but I really didn't mean it."

"…You didn't?"

"No, Roy, and I'm really sorry that I said it. I wish I had controlled my temper better."

Roy kept looking at the blankets. 'He keeps apologizing. Ollie…Ollie never apologized.' Slowly, he lifted his head to finally look at Bruce. "I'm sorry I went off without permission."

"We all make mistakes."

"I shouldn't make these mistakes as Arsenal."

"And you know that, which is what's important here. Sometimes, smart people can do stupid things. You made a bad decision, but that doesn't make you a bad person; or a stupid one."

Roy nodded a little bit. "I-I don't….I can't…not-not right away…."

"I know, but we can work on it, ok?"

"Ok. We-we can work on it."

"Good. Now, you should go back to sleep. It's late."

"Ok." Roy laid down and allowed Bruce to cover him back up. "Goodnight, Bruce."

"Goodnight, Roy. Sweet dreams."

Roy yawned and his head fell to the side as he fell asleep. "You too."