Show time comes way too quickly. The day went by in such a rush. After leaving the Buzz, I went back to the apartment and fell asleep, only to be woken up an hour later by Pandora, who shook me awake and insisted that we were going to be late.

I'm currently sitting in my makeup chair, being poked and prodded by at least five different hair stylists and makeup artists. This is probably my least favorite part; I hate feeling like a show dog being examined.

Pandora huffs as she flips through a magazine in the seat next to me. "Hopefully tonight's meet and greet will get us on the front cover of Oh So Hollywood."

I sit up a little straighter. "Meet and greet?"

Pandora barely glances at me. "We didn't do one last show because it was your first, but usually after every show people who bought VIP tickets can take pictures with us and get Austin to sign stuff."

"Oh." I croak. This means I have to stick around for a while after the show, which means by the time I'm done at the Buzz I'll only end up with about three hours of sleep before I have to wake up and do it all over again.

"We've been on the cover of Oh So Hollywood like ten times in a row, why are you still obsessed over it?" Evie asks Pandora without looking up from her phone.

Pandora clasps the magazine to her chest. "Because it gives me hope that one day I'll make it to the cover of Vogue. They say that if you can get on the cover of Oh So Hollywood then it's, like guaranteed that you'll end up on Vogue."

Delaney scoffs from her chair on the right end. "Then by that logic won't Evie and I get on Vogue too?"

Pandora pouts. "Whatever. A girl can dream."

I clear my throat awkwardly. "I've never heard of Oh So Hollywood. Is it like a Vegas magazine?"

Pandora gasps and puts her hand over her mouth.

"Here we go," Evie says and rolls her eyes.

"DO YOU LIVE UNDER A ROCK?!" Pandora screeches, making everyone within a twenty foot radius cringe.

"Ummm..." Is all I manage to say. Pandora takes a deep breathe to calm herself.

"Oh So Hollywood is the best celebrity gossip magazine. It's always one hundred percent accurate and every person in the entire world reads it. Well, except you, apparently."

I peer around Pandora at Evie and Delaney. "Do you guys read it?"

In response the girls both hold up their copies of the magazine.

"Have you like never read any magazine?" Evie asks me.

I bite my lip. "Not really?"

Pandora pretends to faint. "You're too much for me sometimes, Ally."

I'm too much for myself sometimes, too.

A&A

The murmur of the crowd matches the fluttering of my heart. The curtain is still down, and I stand perfectly on my mark. I plaster on a giant smile and smooth down my costume, which for the new show is a flowy white peasant dress with a white leotard underneath. My hair is pulled back in a loose and curly ponytail, and my makeup is a lot softer than the previous show's.

The theme of this show is basically a toxic relationship that starts with an innocent girl who is just trying to get away from reality and then she meets a boy (aka Austin) who she falls in love with but at the end of the show gets her heart broken. Much to Delaney's dismay, the girls elected me to be the "lead" as the girl, saying that I saved the show with my songs. Delaney made it very clear, though, that she disapproved, scoffing about how it's only my second show.

Suddenly the crowd goes silent as the music begins and the curtain starts to rise. My heart starts beating in my ears, but I take a deep breath as I nearly miss my cue.

The stage is very dimly lit, with long white drapes hanging from the stage rafters to represent storms. I cross to the one in the middle as Evie, Pandora, and Delaney come out of the wings and stand beside a drape. Since they are much more experienced than I am, we decided in practice that they would do aerobatic stunts high up on the drapes while I did the simple tricks they showed me on the ground as I started singing.

I grab onto the drape and start to sing.

Dry lightning cracks across the skies

Those storm clouds gather in her eyes

Her daddy was a mean old mister

Mama was an angel in the ground

The weather man called for a twister

She prayed blow it down

The girls are high up doing amazing tricks while I just hang onto the drape and spin slowly and occasionally lift my legs in a way that I hope is graceful.

For the next part, I move away from the drape and onto center stage and just dance.

Shatter every window 'til it's all blown away,

Every brick, every board, every slamming door blown away

'Til there's nothing left standing, nothing left of yesterday

Every tear-soaked whiskey memory blown away,

Blown away

The music slows down, and I'm at one corner of the stage. While the girls begin to come down from the drapes I begin the spin across the stage to where Austin steps out of the wings on the opposite side to catch me. I spin until I get to the other side, and run into him exactly as planned: my back against him and he holding onto my hands. A sharp breath escapes me as he grabs my hands, but I just write it off as dizziness from spinning.

I slowly turn around and back away. Austin looks the part of the bad boy perfectly; he's dressed in all black and his hair is perfectly disheveled. It almost throws me off guard for a moment, since I'd been practicing with a stage hand and now the real Austin Moon is standing in front of me.

I almost miss my mark when Austin holds out his hand. I know I'm supposed to take it, but for some reason I hesitate. I quickly snap back into it and throw my hand into his. He leads me over to the prop that the girls have rolled out. The music is more ominous sounding now, as Austin steps into a tall box. Delaney spins it in a circle and suddenly pulls a lever so the whole box collapses. I act amazed, even though I know Austin is crouched in the base. Delaney pulls the box back up, spins it and opens the door, revealing Austin. I clap along with the audience.

He steps out of the box and takes my hand and pulls me to front center stage, where we dance like he and Delaney did in the last show for a moment while the girls set up the next trick. Austin doesn't look me in the eye, even though we're supposed to be looking at each other. Instead, he's looking over my shoulder. I try not to feel hurt.

After a few more of Austin's tricks, it's finally my turn. Austin takes my hand and leads me up to a long, raised platform and he lays me down on it. This is one of the more difficult tricks. I have to time it perfectly so I can squeeze through the trap door, through the base, and under the stage in time. Austin spins the platform, then pulls out a sheet. My fingers immediately find the lever, prepared. As soon as he puts the sheet over me and shakes it, I pull the lever, and I try not to squeal as my body falls. I'm squeezed into an awkward V shape as I fall through the base, which looks like a skinny pole to the audience but is really a big box, disguised with black paint and the lighting. I know that the stage hands will catch me, but I can't stop myself from squeezing my eyes shut and screaming internally.

I hit the net of stage hands' arms with a small gasp from me and a small groan from them. Geez, I'm probably lighter than most of the things they have to lift. Before I can give them a piece of my mind, they lower me down and pretty much shove me down the corridor. I quicken my pace, since the music above me tells me that I only have moments before my cue.

When I get to the trap door, I quickly and quietly push it open and climb out. I stand up just in time for the spot light to hit me, the audience turning and gasping. I'm on a platform against the right side of the theater, far enough away from the stage to make the audience wonder, and in just the right spot so the audience doesn't see me going through the trap door.

The music changes and I hold my arm out towards the stage, where Austin stands on the edge.

Every now and then the stars align

Boy and girl meet by the great design

Could it be that you and me are the lucky ones?

Everybody told me love was blind

Then I saw your face and you blew my mind

Finally, you and me are the lucky ones this time

I step down the steps off of the platform, into the audience. The spotlight follows me. In this part, I walk through the audience, singing about love, but when I get back to the stage the girls will be all over Austin. I keep walking, feeling a little awkward being this close to the audience.

Feels like, feels like, you know,

It feels like falling in love for the first time

Feels like, you know,

It feels like falling-

The music cuts when I get to the stage, where Austin's sitting on a huge, ornate chair with Delaney in his lap and the other girls draped over his sides. I clutch my heart, hoping I look shocked and hurt. The look on Austin's face makes it apparent that he doesn't have to try too hard to look like he's enjoying his current position. I have to fight the urge to scoff.

I run to the side of the stage, where I grab the edge of the white curtain that is on a track on the ceiling and is long enough to cover the whole stage. I run across the stage to the other wing, making sure I pull the curtain fast enough. When I'm a few feet from the other wing, I hear the audience gasp as the other end of the curtain passes the middle of the stage, revealing that the girls, Austin, and the chair have vanished.

The stage hands take the curtain end from me and hurriedly pull the rest of the curtain in.

Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not

I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show

You really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining

But it's over now

Go on and take a bow

With that last line, I sweep into a deep bow. The crowd cheers as the girls come out and bow, and are on their feet when Austin comes out. We go off to the side so Austin can have his moment. He takes the necklace that he's wearing, presses it to his lips, and tosses it out into the crowd. I try not to roll my eyes as girls screech and practically tear each other apart to try to get the necklace. It's a new thing Austin's doing at shows: he wears a necklace with a silver whistle on the end and throws it out to the crowd at the end of every show. I think it's just a scheme to sell more "Austin merchandise", since the merch booths outside the theater sell necklaces just like his.

The girls and I join Austin at the front of the stage, join hands, and bow. Then the curtain starts to fall and we head backstage. I start to head to the makeup chairs, but Pandora grabs my arm.

"We have to go to the meet and greet now!"

Oh. Right. I let out a breath and follow Pandora. We walk with Evie and Delaney, while Austin is a few yards ahead, surrounded by stage crew, managers, security, etc. We're led through a door and through a hallway until we reach a large room. The room consists of two large photo backdrops, camera equipment, and a system of line barricades that weave through three fourths of the room. We're led through a door next to the photo setup where there is food, couches, mirror tables, and several TV screens.

Someone shuts the door and I follow the girls' leads and head over to the mirror tables, where immediately hair and makeup people descend on us and go about "fixing" us. I catch a glimpse of the food table and my stomach growls. Delaney snaps in my face, breaking me out of my state of longing.

"Don't even think about it. The food is mostly for the crew. Plus you don't want to have food in your teeth in a photo."

I sigh. I can't even remember what I've eaten today. Did I have a bagel this morning? My stomach gurgles. Ok. Let's not think about food.

The makeup ladies usher us over to a clothes rack in the corner of the room. All that's on the rack are four identical sparkly dresses, almost identical to the ones we wore for the last show. I get handed a dress.

"Why are we changing?" I ask.

"These look better for the pictures," one makeup lady says distractedly. "More of a showgirl vibe."

I turn and look for a curtain or something to change behind, but I see the other girls just taking off their costumes in the middle of the room, standing there in bras and booty shorts. I look around. Nobody even glances at them. I try to convince myself that this is perfectly normal, just changing in front of thirty people. No big deal. Right?

Reluctantly, I pull the dress over my head. I'm suddenly very thankful that my costume included a leotard. I slip the sequin dress over the leotard and change my shoes into the matching sparkly shoes that are laid out.

Suddenly I can hear a humming from the other room. Pandora squeals and fluffs up her hair.

Austin's entourage ushers him out the door, where he is greeted by deafening screams. Then we're pushed out after him. The photographer positions Austin in front of one camera and us in front of another.

I take a glimpse at the line of people, which consists of mainly women, many holding up posters professing their love for Austin. By the looks of it, the line fills up the entire room and possibly goes out the door. How long is this going to take?

After the camera men are ready, a security guard ushers the first person in line to us. I stand on the left end next to Pandora. The cameraman positions the girl in the middle, then starts to count down. I stand up as tall as I can and plaster on my stage smile. The second after the camera flashes, the girl practically runs over to Austin.

After a while I can tell that people really don't care about taking a picture with us; it's Austin that they're here for. I can tell by the way that people can't seem to stand still while they pose with us, how they're eyes shift over to Austin while they're being positioned, and how some aren't even looking at the camera when the picture is taken. I watch as people move on to Austin. They run up to him and hug him. Some cry. Some give him gifts, like letters and stuffed animals. Some try to kiss him, which he doesn't look like he minds that much. They spend a few minutes talking to him, their words rushed as security try to usher them on.

Nobody hugs us. Nobody talks to us. We're lucky if they look us in the eye. Some people even try to not take a picture with us, just walking straight past us, but the photographer makes them, claiming that it would mess up the order of the printing process. This makes the people groan and begrudgingly stand with us, frowning, while we smile wide. I'm sure that they'll throw the picture out as soon as they get it.

In a spare moment when security guards try to help an elderly woman stand up from her wheelchair for the picture, I lean over to Pandora and whisper, "How do you get through this? Nobody really wants a picture with us."

"It's in our contracts. Didn't you read that?" When I shake my head, because no, I barely looked at the twenty page document, she huffs and replies. "We just have to smile and get through it."

I sigh. There's a clock on the opposite wall, and on my tippy toes I can just see that it's nearly eleven thirty. The line is dwindling, so I can probably get to the Buzz by midnight, if I'm lucky.

Finally, there's only two groups left in line: a group of teenage girls and a man and woman with a little girl. The teenagers walk right past us, and the photographer doesn't even bother. When the security guard lets the little girl through, she runs right up to me and wraps my arms around my legs. Shocked I look up at the other girls, who look just as surprised. I look at the woman, who gives me a soft smile.

"She really wanted to meet you." She says softly.

"Me?" I say, almost dumbstruck.

The dad nods. "Tell her why you wanted to meet her, Wren."

The little girl, Wren, says something into my legs. I giggle and kneel down so I could look at her. She looks down at her feet shyly and says, "You sang really pretty."

I can't help but smile. "Thank you so much! Can I have a hug?"

She looks up and smiles, launching herself into my arms. I hug her tight. She holds on for a long time, and I hold on, too. This moment has made the whole grueling night worth it. I look over to where Austin is and see that the girls have already left, and he's standing there, watching me intently. He's staring at Wren in my arms with a weird look in his eyes, something soft. When he sees that I'm looking back at him, he turns away quickly. Weird.

I turn back to Wren, who finally let go.

"You're very pretty too," Wren says, blushing. "And I'm sorry Austin broke your heart."

"What?" I ask, confused and surprised.

Wren twists her hands. "You loved him but you saw that he liked another girl and didn't love you back. He's a bad guy."

"Oh! Um, yeah. But it's ok. I'm fine. And Austin's actually a good guy, you'll see that when you meet him," I say, not wanting to crush a little girl's imagination.

"Oh, ok! I'm glad he's a good guy because he's so pretty!" Wren says giddily, making everyone laugh.

I stand up and Wren hugs the other girls too, telling them that she liked how they flew with the curtains. We pose for a picture, and then Wren asks for one with just me. I lift her up and smile a genuine smile. I put her down and she gives me one last hug, then waves to the other girls and skips over to Austin.

He stoops down and holds out his arms. Wren stops for a second, looking embarrassed, but then runs to him. After a moment she lets go and turns around.

"That was so sweet!" Evie squeals as we watch Austin and Wren.

"It actually was," Delaney agrees.

"That definitely doesn't happen every day," Pandora nods.

After a few minutes of chatting with Austin, Wren takes a picture with him. As she starts to skip off, she turns around.

"You were right! He is a good guy, Ally!" She yells. Then she turns around and skips away.

Austin turns to me for a moment with a quizzical expression, but he's soon surrounded by his usual swarm. They usher him out quickly and the door closes behind them.

Delaney yawns as Evie stretches her hands up to the ceiling and leans back slightly.

"That was exhausting, as usual." Pandora sighs, starting to walk towards the door.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"One thirty," Delaney answers.

Ouch. That means I'll be at the Buzz until at least three, which means about two and a half hours of sleep.

I quickly collect my things and strip off my costume. I slip on my sundress and dial Richard.

When I get outside, Richard is there waiting.

"Tired?" He asks, smiling slightly.

"Overly," I sigh.

"I'll try to get you home quickly, then." He says as he helps me in.

"Oh, I'm going to the Buzz first. I agreed to come at night too."

"Ally, what about sleep? You play at the Buzz at six in the morning."

"I know. It's just for an hour."

Richard looks like he wants to protest, but he sighs and closes the door.

When we get to the Buzz, I can see that there's a decent crowd inside. When I enter, Jim is waiting right by the door.

"Hey Jim! I'm sorry I'm later than I thought."

"It's fine!" He says, leading me up to the stage. This is surprising, since he is usually a worried mess.

I dig around in my bag for my songbook, but I can't find it. I instantly begin to panic. Jim is already announcing me. The lights turn off, leaving only the stage illuminated. Ok,ok. It's fine. I probably just left it backstage. It's fine. I'll find it tomorrow. I try to calm my racing heart. I've never been without my songbook.

I go up on the stage and grab the guitar. I sit on the stool and take a deep breath. I'm too worked up to play one of my own songs, since that would just make me think more about my songbook.

I clear my throat. The crowd goes silent.

"Hi everyone, my name's Ally. Usually I sing my own songs, but tonight I'm going to sing some covers but in my own style."

The crowd claps as I adjust the guitar and begin to strum. "Sing along if you know it!"

We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind
Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance
Well they're are no friends of mine

The crowd laughs a little bit as they realize what I'm singing

I say, we can go where we want to, A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind,
And we can dance, we can dance, we can dance

We can go when we want to
The night is young, and so am I
And we can dress real neat, from our hats to our feet
And surprise 'em with the victory cry

Say, we can act if we want to
If we don't, nobody will
And you can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile

And say, we can dance, we can dance
Everything's out of control
We can dance, we can dance
They're doing it from wall to wall
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody look at your hands
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody's taking the chance

Safety dance, safety dance

The crowd erupts in applause.

I move to the piano.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even without fists held high, yeah
Never would have worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now
I can't stop

I want you to know
That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
And I want you to know
You couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect kiss
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that I love you so
I love you enough to let you go

So I'm already gone

The crow cheers. I try to fight back a yawn. I play a few more songs, then I stand up and do a quick bow.

"Thank you!"

People cheer as I leave the stage. Jim pats me on the back. I head out the door and see that Richard is waiting for me. He helps me in, and as soon as he shuts the door I doze off.

He wakes me up when we reach the hotel, and I trudge inside. As soon as I reach my bed, I collapse, only to be woken up by my alarm going off an hour later. Here we go again.

A&A

I've managed to make it through two months of this now. Every day is the same. Wake up at six. Go to the Buzz. Play until nine. Go to rehearsals. Rehearse until five. Go to theatre. Makeup and hair until seven thirty. Show at eight. Meet and greet at ten. Leave at one thirty. Go to the Buzz. Play until three. Go home. Shower. Go to bed at four thirty. Repeat.

It's grueling, but I get through it. I still haven't found my songbook, which kills me. I got a new journal, but it's not the same. I look for it every day, but no luck.

With my busy schedule, I have no time for myself. Every time I look at my phone, I see that I have several missed calls from Trish and my dad, but I have no time to return them.

Finally it's the last Friday of the month, meaning we have a week off next week while the producers create a new show. The show and meet and greet go by in a blur, and now I find myself sitting at the makeup station. Everyone is long gone, but for some reason I can't get myself to leave. I know that I'm way late for the Buzz, but I just can't move. I can't stop staring at myself in the mirror. I've taken off the stage makeup and undone my hair. I don't recognize the girl that's staring back at me. There's huge dark circles under my eyes. My face is pale. My hair looks lifeless without all the products. Why am I doing this to myself?

Suddenly it hits me. I'm distracting myself. I could go home. There's nothing stopping me. But the thing is is that I don't want to go home. Home is where Dallas is. Home is where I'm just plain old Ally. Home is where Dad is, Dad who thinks that I went to New York with Dallas, and is probably confused as to why Dallas came home and I haven't. But I know that Trish is handling him. I'm making myself busy so I don't have to think about home.

I don't know when I started crying, but I do know that I can't stop. The tears are coming out in ugly sobs. I'm so deprived of sleep that when I put my head in my hands and close my eyes, I can't open them again. My body goes weak and slides out of the chair and onto the floor. My eyes are too heavy for me to open, but the tears still manage to escape. My chest is heaving and my body begins to shake. Oh God. I did this to myself. I've pushed myself too far. This is where it all comes crashing down.

Suddenly, there are arms under my knees and back, and I'm being lifted. I can't find the strength to open my eyes. The arms are strong and the chest is firm. Some straggler stagehand must have heard me and is probably going to take me to some psych ward. But at the moment, I don't have the energy to care. Instead, my head lolls back and I slip away.

A&A

I don't really know what to say, because I'm sorry doesn't feel like enough. I have no words to explain the regret that I feel for not posting more often. That being said, you have no idea how long it took me to finish this chapter. I'm pretty sure that I started it right after I posted the last chapter (which was in December), so I'd understand if no one reads this anymore. This is definitely my longest chapter ever, because I wanted to try to make it up to you guys.

I want to thank the people who have stuck with me and encouraged me to keep writing. I can't believe how many people like my story. I save every single review because they honestly make me so happy.

I'm definitely planning on updating more often. I owe to you all. I love you all so much.

If we can get to 150 reviews then I can guarantee an update by this Friday (or earlier) ;)

Songs from the show:

Blown Away by Carrie Underwood

Lucky Ones by Lana Del Rey

Take a Bow by Rihanna

Songs Ally sang in the Buzz: (I highly recommend you listen to them)

Safety Dance (Cover) by Sleeping at Last (it's so beautiful go listen to it because you probably thought I was crazy for using this song lol)

Already Gone (Cover) by Sleeping at Last

I own nothing

Reviews Rock :) (150?)

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|April|