The whole story might be revealed now.
Thank you to all who followed, favorited and reviewed! :D
WARNING : This chapter contains mentions and moments about adoption; abuse, neglect and violence against children as well as ptsd and psychological follow-up.
starrat : I hope you'll enjoy this chapter then! :D
LuxKlara : Sono tantissimo felice che hai piaciuto quesot capitolo e spero che il prossimo erà la misma cosa. Scoprirai tutta la storia di Kiku in questo capitolo, spero che è cosi intenso che il precedente! ;) Perché Takashi la conosca sarà anche rivelata. Sono d'accordo con tu, Takashi fa che pensa è il miglio per il suo figlio e... non ha torto, ha paura che Hajime soffrire e più tardo, non erà facile per Hajime or Kiku, o la loro relazione. Hajime è "in shock" e non sa come pensare di questa revelazione. Mi piace scrivere sull'amizia tra Iwaizumi e Oikawa, penso che è la più profonda di Haikyuu. La tua citazione è perfetta per i due. ;D Mi sento colpevole per Yuuna perchè il suo amore per Kiku è moltissimo puro e profondo ma... no puo avere Kiku all' fine perchè è inammorata con Hajime. Penso che Yuuna e Nanami hanno molti differenti punti di vista ma i due sono... come dire? "Legitimate" e i due consideranno i sentimenti di Kiku. Ma alla fine, il semplice fatto che Kiku puo capicere la vera questione di Hajime con il suo messagio "Do you trust me?" É che determina la decisione di Kiku di dire a Hajime la verità. Spero che ti piacerai questo capitolo e la storia di Kiku! :)
AnimeViolinist001 : I know I houldn't but I was so happy you were so moved by the previous chapter's rveelation! XD
TheLadyMuse : You totally focused on Tendou instead of the secret revealed so I have no idea what you think of it but I agree with you - Tendou and Semi are precious beings and must be protected, like the rest of Shiratorizawa, heck, like all of Haikyuu's characters! x)
pinkdoughtnuts : It's the secret she was keeping, but her story is yet to come! ;)
Krisia : Wait for this chapter, then! ;) You ARE going to learn the whole story in this chapter ,don't worry! :)
mikohoshina : You'll know her story in this chapter :)
Angelgirl236 : Like for ANimeViolinist I enjoyed way too much your screams~
deadlywhisper21 : That's the whole point of a cliffhanger - cutitng at the best part! ;)
Cooliceprincess : Last chapter was intense and I hope this one is as well! :)
Aquafin : I'm not sure KIku and Hajime are having "fun" right now, but yeah, it's pretty fun to see the readers' reactions! XD
FANFICTION
HAIKYUU! : QUIET VOICE
CHAPTER XXXII : The Burden of Life
"You're the only one I trust enough to see inside my soul."
— William Chapman
"We all have a story to tell. We just don't know where to begin."
— Unknown
"If I speak, I am condemned. If I stay silent, I am damned!"
— Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
"It's when you hide things that you choke on them."
— Charles Bukowski
"It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt."
— Tom Gates
"You, of all people, deserve a happy ending. Despite everything that happened to you, you aren't bitter. You aren't cold. You've just retreated a little and been shy, and that's okay."
— Sylvain Reynard, Gabriel's Inferno
"Life would be so much easier if sad people weren't considered to be a burden."
— Unknown
"Sometimes we have to soak ourselves in the tears and fears of the past to water our future gardens."
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem
"Your sadness speaks to me and it doesn't feel right. This world shouldn't be allowed to be so harsh to someone so soft."
— Kriti. G
"Stop apologizing and censoring yourself, you have every right to feel the way you do. Your feelings, your struggles, your emotions are all valid."
— Jasmine Sandozz
"The best therapists do not merely heal damage; they help people identify and build their strengths and their virtues."
— Martin Seligman
"The pain is deep but the scars don't show. The sadness is real but laughter flows. The heart is cut deep but no body knows."
— Unknown
"Anyone who ever wondered how much they could love a child who did not spring from their own loins, know this: it is the same. The feeling of love is so profound, it's incredible and surprising."
― Nia Vardalos, Instant Mom
"What makes a family is neither the absence of tragedy nor the ability to hide from misfortune, but the courage to overcome it and, from that broken past, write a new beginning."
― Steve Pemberton, A Chance in the World: An Orphan Boy, a Mysterious Past, and How He Found a Place Called Home
Hajime glanced around the room, so empty, so quiet, so lifeless. Kiku was keeping her back turned to him, unable to meet his gaze. He blinked in surprise when he saw the space with her pets' cages empty – no bird, no hedgehog.
"Where… where are your pets?" He asked, trying to make a conversation but his voice was too tight for it to sound natural.
"My moth… Nanami-san… is taking care of them for me… for the moment…" She answered, lowering her head, as if ashamed she had to ask someone else to take care of her pets because she wasn't feeling well enough for that.
He stared back at her and swallowed hard. His hands were in his pockets but he was sweating nervously, maybe he was trembling a little too.
"…I'm adopted…"
It didn't sound real, it seemed like a cruel joke but he just had to glance at Kiku – the way she kept her shoulders down, how she avoided looking at him in shame for keeping this secret for so long… to know that it was the truth. Worse, now it seemed that all the evidences had been obvious: several times she or Irihata had acted almost like strangers, as if they felt forced to be bonded as uncle and niece; now that he thought on it she didn't look at all like Shouta or Nanami… All these pictures he had seen – none of Kiku when she was a child or a baby, this other girl who looked so much like Nanami – who was she?
He knew a part of the truth – Kiku was adopted. She was not the biological daughter of Shouta and Nanami. But it was just the tip of the iceberg and now that he had been hit by it, he feared what it hid.
"…What happened?" He asked in a hushed voice, wanting to know the whole story even if it'd hurt – Kiku, and him…
Kiku remained silent for a moment then moved a little anxiously. She started to turn around to face him – but her gaze remained cast on the floor as she fumbled with her fingers or the hem of her cover around her shoulders.
"I was abandoned by my biological parents at birth, there is no record of them or even my birth in any hospital. I was found in a dumpster by a group of middle-schoolers, half-dead already."
Hajime tightened his jaw, trying not to let any emotion show on his face but he felt sick. His throat was tight, his heart seemed to be about to escape his mouth.
"I was saved then put into the adoption system. My first memory is… of letting go of someone's hand to take another's. I-I don't remember these people's faces but… I remember not understanding why I had to go into another family and why I wasn't wanted anymore… I went into six different houses until I was five years old…"
She took a shaky breathe in and straightened her back, as if to give herself some courage to continue the story – but almost instantly, she quivered in fear as the memories flooded back. Tears filled her eyes but she bravely kept them from rolling down as she explained:
"Then… I was adopted by another family – parents, and an older son… I remained there for over six years but…"
She blinked and instinctively, her hand went to her shoulder, lightly scratching the skin there. Hajime suddenly realized that this was where he had seen a scar – the top of her shoulder, the side of her neck… And what the cheerleading team had seen – that she was covered in scars. He swallowed hard once again, a bad feeling of what had happened to her nagging at the back of his mind…
"The father's name was… Himura Souma, his wife Riko and their son Ryouichi."
A tear rolled down her cheek that she quickly wiped away before continuing her tale, forgetting that Hajime was here, that she was telling him the story – she got lost in her own memories…
Kiku watched by the window as the car suddenly stopped and her new family helped her get down and enter the house. It was big and nice, it was clean but suddenly Riko's hand let go of her tiny hand as Souma knelt in front of Kiku, a big smile on his face:
"Kiku, you're a big girl, you understand what adoption is now, right?" He asked her with the condescending voice of adults towards young children.
It was why she always changed of family and houses – because unlike other children, she didn't have parents of her own. So people had to take her in – it was adoption.
Too shy to answer, she nodded slightly and his smile got bigger:
"Then you understand we're not your real parents and we only took you in for charity, right?"
She nodded again.
"Then, you won't have to call us like you called your other families – from now on, I'll be Souma-oji-san, and Riko will be your oba-san. You can call Ryouichi oni-san, though."
Kiku seemed a little confused – it was different from what was asked of her usually… but she nodded nevertheless, not wanting this family to dislike her and send her away again.
"Good girl." He said, patting her head, "I'll take you to your new bedroom, then."
He guided her to the first floor, they walked past two big rooms – Souma and Riko's bedroom, Ryouichi's… then he opened a little door and she arrived in a small room – but she was so petite that she didn't notice how little it really was. There was a futon, a little desk and a little drawer.
"You stay in here, you have papers and pencils to draw if you want." He said, turning around to leave.
"Souma oji-san…" She called shyly, looking up until her neck hurt from how tall he was.
"Mmm?"
"Why I don't have parents like every other children?"
She always asked the same question to every family she entered or the kind ladies she met. They always answered something different – Kiku was too young to truly grasp the concept of "truth" but she could recognize "lies" when it was so obvious.
Souma smiled – but it wasn't a gentle or pitying smile like usual. Kiku startled, suddenly wanting to hide. This smile was scary…
"Because they didn't want of you." He answered sharply.
Kiku understood the concept of "truth". And it hurt.
Souma left the room, leaving her all alone.
Being part of the family, Kiku was expected to help out with the easy chores like putting the plates and cutlery on the table and helping out with the dishes or washing the clothes. Riko started to teach her how to clean even if it was hard – even for a five-years old she was smaller than most. She was a little late in learning because she had moved around a lot, but thanks to Riko and Ryouichi, she learned everything she needed to know: the hiragana, the katakana and even how to count – she could count up to one hundred, which most children of her new class couldn't do. She was very proud and she was helpful, always trying her best to be accepted. Even if she was "family", she didn't feel like she was accepted by them. They only gave her the minimum required for Kiku to live – food, bath, helping out with the homework… For Kiku, it was normal to not be taken care of – they weren't her real parents, they were just Souma-oji-san, Riko-oba-san and Ryouichi-nii-san. They weren't her real parents because her real parents didn't want of her.
Several times, the kind ladies came to visit in the house and Kiku always put on the prettiest clothes and Riko-oba-san always made her repeat everything she should say to the kind ladies. Yes, she was treated well. Yes, she loved it here. Yes, mommy and daddy and onii-san were kind and taking good care of her. The ladies always left with a smile. At school too, her teachers and the nurse would often talk to her about her house but she repeated what Riko-oba-san had taught her to say. They always smiled, glad the abandoned little girl had finally found a house and family who loved her. They only worried because she was shy and couldn't make friends – but it was normal with what she had gone through, she would get out of her shell over time… When she wasn't needed for chores or to repeat the same mantra about how happy she was, Kiku had to remain in her bedroom.
The weeks turned into months, then into over a year… and Kiku started to feel like she had found a house and family that wouldn't send her away. Even if times after times her "parents" had not wanted of her… now she had Souma-oji-san, and Riko-oba-san and Ryouichi-nii-san… She couldn't be selfish and ask for more.
SHCLAK!
Riko ran into the kitchen and found Kiku on the floor, the jaw of cookies broken. She looked up with tears filling her eyes, starting to stammer apologies.
"I-I'm s-sorry! I-I w-was h-hungry…!"
"What were you thinking?! We told you times and times again not to come in here! You're supposed to be in your room! Get out!"
Kiku was crying when she ran upstairs and in her room, under her covers. That night, as punishment, she didn't get to have dinner. Riko-oba-san made her promise to never share this accident with anyone at school or any of the ladies who came to visit to see how Kiku was doing. She never talked about it to anyone for years.
Someday, around a year and a half after she had started living with the Himura family, Kiku was woken up in the night by breaking sounds and shouting downstairs. She was supposed to stay in her bedroom, but she was curious. She opened the bedroom door and quietly went all the way to the stairs, the voices clearer – it was Souma-oji-san screaming and Riko-oba-san was crying too…Kiku leaned forward, watching from the top of the stairs the silhouettes moving quickly, the shadows cast on the wall near her. Suddenly, Souma appeared and noticed her – he seemed to be crazy and his gaze was dark and threatening. Kiku gasped and quickly ran back into her room, under her covers, praying he wouldn't come in here. He didn't. Not this time.
Some weeks later, it happened again – the shouting, the fighting… Kiku didn't want to get out of her bedroom, she didn't want to face them again but… she needed to go to the toilets. When she couldn't hold it back anymore, she escaped her room, quiet as a mouse, her heart beating so fast against her chest it hurt. She went to the toilets then started to go back to her room, thinking she would make it safely…
"What are you doing here?! Out of your room?!"
She jumped and turned around, seeing Souma-oji-san. He suddenly walked to her so quickly she didn't have time to turn around or run. His arm rose and he hit her so hard she fell against the nearest wall.
"Stop crying! Can't you obey orders, damn it?! You stay IN your room and don't bother us!" He shouted, grabbing her by the hair.
She cried and screamed and whined but suddenly, she was thrown into the room and it was only under the safety of her covers that she continued crying as he slammed the door. She jumped and hit her face in her pillow, trying not to make any sound.
After that, everytime Souma was angry, he would take it on Kiku – she had become the best way to express his fury. Often, he smelled weird – Kiku later found out it was the smell of some sort of strong alcohol. He'd scream at her even if she hadn't done anything wrong, he'd be violent and make her cry and scream, he'd hit her. She always screamed for help – to Riko-oba-san or Ryouichi-nii-san but they never moved, they just watched and remained quiet.
"You have only what you deserve! Nobody wants you, you should have died as a baby! But we took you in when no one else wants of you! Be grateful to have a house and food!" He'd always shout.
Kiku tried her best to be as good as they wanted her to be, she always made her chores and Ryouichi-nii's, she always brought back good grades and said exactly what Riko-oba-san asked her to say. She was a good girl, she was doing her best but Souma-oji-san always found something wrong in Kiku – her very existence in their house. So he'd keep beating her up everytime he'd get drunk. He always made sure no one could see – it'd be her ribs, her legs, her arms… Never the face. They made sure Kiku would look as clean and well-cared for as possible.
From once in a while, it became a ritual – every month, then every week, then every two or three days… It started with the hand, then the belt… then the whip. At this point, Kiku knew how to take care of the burning, stinging injuries across her back – some had turned into scars, some were pink from fresh skin, some were still bleeding… She knew that if she didn't take care of it well, it'd be noticed by the family and more terrible: outsiders and then… she'd receive more.
For over six years and a half, Kiku lived with the Himura, receiving the constant psychological and physical violence that broke a child, that ruined a life. She was constantly hit as she was repeated she was worthless. She was thrown across rooms as she was repeated she was loved and accepted by no one, not even her own parents… She was whipped as she was repeated she should be grateful to the Himura's generosity.
Overtime, seeing that nothing was wrong with the family or how Kiku was treated… the visits from psychologists or social workers decreased even if they kept checking every few months – they never noticed anything. Kiku was fed enough to not show any sign of ill-nourishment, all of her bruises and scars were only seen if she took off her clothes and more importantly, she always did what the Himura wanted of her – she had no choice, if she didn't say what they wanted her to say, she'd be hit even more. So she kept lying, months after months to everyone, that she was happy even if her back had bled the previous day and it hurt to keep sitting straight. She swallowed back the pain and she faced the world with the mask of a shy, but happy adopted girl. The result everyone expected without noticing the cracks in a flawed system.
Hidden under the covers, Kiku was crying as silently as possible – if she made any sound, Souma-oji-san might hear and might come to hurt her. He had already whipped her the previous day but he was drunk once again. He had shouted after Ryouichi-nii and she had heard his screams until Riko-oba-san stopped him from hitting any more her son. He found refuge in his room and locked himself in – Kiku's room didn't have any lock. She heard Riko's shouts, Souma's furious screams. She knew she was next. She knew he would grab her again and hit her but her back… it hurt so much she could barely walk anymore…!
The door slammed open and she jumped as he pulled away her covers then grabbed her hair, shouting while she was already crying. He pulled her across the hall so violently she fell on her knees.
"Get up! GET UP!" He ordered, struggling to pull her any more when she tried to be as heavy as possible.
"N-NO! P-please! No more! I'll do anything you say! Please!" She shouted, sobbing, unable to take any more hits.
"Stop begging! You're pitiful! You heard?! PITIFUL! That's why your parents abandoned you at birth! That's why no one loves you and why everyone will always leave you!"
"Please…!"
"You think we CARE for you?! You're only a pain ever since you've arrived! Always crying and provoking troubles for us! I hate you! You should die, damn it! Why didn't you die when you were abandoned?!"
He pulled at her even stronger and she screamed in pain, trying to hold onto his wrist to lessen the hurt. She couldn't keep up with his steps and suddenly, she was thrown forward. She fell into the stairs and rolled down. Her head hurt, her whole body throbbed in pain but Souma was already walking down to get her – he was even more furious than he had ever been, he had drunk even more than he ever did…!
Kiku desperately reached for the doorknob, her fingers brushed the cold metal but Souma kicked her in the rib so hard she heard it crack and fell backwards, hitting her temple against the furniture at the entrance.
"Where do you think you're going, little minx?! You're in our house, you STAY here! I'm not done with you yet!"
She sobbed even more as he kicked her again – she felt the familiar taste of blood in her mouth, but it was more than usual and she couldn't help but cough out the blood. He punched her and for a moment, she was almost unconscious, her vision blurry – but was it from the tears, from the pain in her whole body, from how hard breathing was…?
Looking up, she saw the doorknob – the door wasn't locked, if only she could reach for it and run away… but her body was so heavy… it hurt so much… and the more he hit her, the more she slipped into unconsciousness – it felt good, she didn't feel any pain any more…
"Stop it! You'll kill her!" Riko finally shouted, trying to grab her husband's arm.
"KNOW YOUR PLACE WOMAN!"
He hit her so violently she was whipped around and fell on the floor, hitting her head against the lowest step.
Kiku's eyes suddenly widened when she realized that there was no one to help her – not that they had ever been of any help but tonight… Souma was just too mad. He would hit them all, he would kill her. Ryouichi was locked in his bedroom. Riko was unconscious… She had to get away, she had to run away when she still could…
Distracted by Riko, Souma had turned his attention away from Kiku for a short instant. She got up, as painful as it was and reached for the door, grabbing the doorknob, it almost felt like freedom…!
"YOU!"
He grabbed the nearest object he could find: a vase on the entrance furniture then smashed it on Kiku – she shouted and fell on her knees, still holding onto the doorknob. Her back and her neck, even the side of her face were covered in a warm liquid – blood.
Realizing what he had done and more importantly that it would be nearly impossible to cover up what had happened, there was a moment when Souma came back from his madness… Hand bleeding from the pieces of ceramic that had torn his hand apart when he had smashed it against Kiku… he stared at the eleven years-old or so girl, then at his wife… Alcohol and adrenaline barely kept his blood hot.
The door opened.
He turned around and his eyes widened, panic making his heart speed up terribly as Kiku ran, or rather wobbled, away from the house.
She tried to run, struggling to remain on her legs while Souma shouted behind her.
"STOP! COME BACK! KIKU! DON'T GO OUT!"
She ran forward, her vision blurred by tears and blood. She looked up and was blinded by a white light. The car tried to stop in time but it still bumped into her. She fell on the hard ground like a limp doll just as the two car passengers exited it.
"Little girl! I didn't see you! You came so…"
The man's voice trailed as he took in the state of the girl which was in no way caused by the light hit of his car… he looked up, as stunned as his colleague and they finally noticed Souma, out of the house after he had started running after Kiku. Realizing he was caught, he fell down on his knees and started crying furiously, putting his hands behind his head. The one time this little bitch tried to run away, it had to be when a car passed by in the middle of the night. It had to be a police car…
The two policemen quickly arrested and put away Souma while they called for the hospital to come to take care of Kiku. By the time the ambulance had come to give her the first cares, and because she was in no immediate danger, they surrounded her shoulders with a blanket while she waited, sitting quietly in the ambulance to be taken to the hospital.
The police-officer from earlier approached quietly and sat in front of her, remaining silent for a short moment until he spoke up softly, trying not to be scary to the little girl despite all the sounds and voices and the blinding lights – white kept flashing from the moment she had been hit by the stopping car, but now there were also the yellow and red from the ambulance. It made her eyes tired and she just wanted to sleep…
"I'm a police officer, my name is Iwaizumi Takashi." He introduced himself with a smile.
She didn't look at him, she didn't seem to even hear him.
"Could you tell me… what happened exactly?" He asked hesitantly.
The only answer he obtained was tears filling her eyes and the trembling of her body. He pursed his lips together but understood he wouldn't be able to have any answer in her state.
"I'll go with you at the hospital if you don't mind," he said but she didn't seem to acknowledge it, "You're not alone anymore, okay…?"
Kiku stopped breathing just as he stood up and went down the ambulance. She stared at him – he was so big and tall, it was scary, especially with his dark blue outfit. He had spiky hair and was calling someone.
"I know… I know… Tell Hajime I'm sorry, I won't be here after all even if I had promise to be here for his birthday… It seems like, we landed on a pretty big deal – I don't know when I'll be done with it. It's a tough topic too – a girl who ended up abused by her adoption family. Yeah… yeah, I know… I love you too…"
He ended the call and when he turned to her, she quickly looked away and a minute later, they were taken to the hospital. The police-officer… Iwai-something… did remain all night and most of the following day with her even if they didn't speak. He kept asking her questions but she was too scared to speak. When they'll be done with her, she'll go back to the Himura and Souma would be furious – he'd kill he for sure…!
"Y'know…" The rather-kind police-officer suddenly spoke up while he sat on a chair in the hospital room after the doctors and nurses were done with her, "The man who was your adoption father… Himura Souma – he won't hurt you again. So you can talk to me."
How can you be so sure…? He's hurt me for years, why do you protect me now when it's too late? She thought, glancing up at him.
For a short moment, he blinked, surprised to see such eyes. She was exhausted but mostly, what struck him were the emotions in it: fear, so much fear it made his heart hurt. Despair. Mistrust. Sadness… She didn't believe him – she didn't want to believe he could help her, that anyone would be here to help her at all.
"I have a son around your age… it'd break me to even think of anything that happened to you, happening to him… but I can promise you, Kiku… that I won't let anyone hurt you again. No one will allow it. You won't go back with the Himura who hurt you so much. You're safe, okay?" He continued softly.
Kiku's eyes filled with tears then she started crying, silently, relief washing over her body until she couldn't hold back her sobs. It was only long after she had fallen asleep, while the sun was setting, that Iwaizumi could write the report then go back to his home – but his son was already sleeping and this year, he didn't get to wish him a happy birthday in time. He could only tell him while he was sleeping, clutching his new godzilla plushy.
For the following days, Kiku had to heal – the doctors and nurses made sure all of her injuries had been taken care of and even though she would keep scars – in her back, neck and the left side of her face, she would be all right. Physically.
"I'm Fujimoto Jirou. I'm a psychologist – I'm a doctor, but unlike my colleagues I won't take care of the wounds on your body. I just want you to talk, Kiku." He started, sitting in front of the little girl.
She stared at him then turned her head away, not wanting to listen to him or talk. There was a long moment of silence until Fujimoto spoke up again:
"My job is to listen to you, anything you have to say, you can say it. We could start… with how you feel about what happened with the Himura for all these years. Or how you feel about being adopted."
He proposed a few more topics of conversation but for days, no matter how much time he spent by her side, she wouldn't speak. If asked a question by the nurses about her injuries, she would only nod. Her voice hadn't been heard ever since the night of the accident.
"She keeps quiet," A doctor noticed as Fujimoto exited the room with a sigh.
Iwaizumi – as the police officer responsible of the investigation, had often visited Kiku but she hadn't said a thing to him, or anyone.
"She's under shock, she won't talk for a long while. When will she be able to go out and breathe some fresh air? It'll do her good."
"In a few days – even if her back seems to still hurt, she can walk… When I think about years of such mistreatment… how could it go unnoticed?" The doctor murmured, shaking his head as he looked at Kiku who was staring down at her hands, as quiet as ever.
"This bastard made sure to be discreet and cover up his tracks – if Kiku hadn't happened to run straight to my car, it might have still gone on for a long time… Everyone I interrogated was surprised. Other than being shy and not having much friends, no one at her school had noticed anything about Kiku being mistreated. Turns out, the Himura had taken her in because they wanted the money given by the adoption system – instead of using it to provide for the adopted child, they used it for their own sake."
"It's disgusting…"
"Unfortunately, it happens more often than not… and it always goes unnoticed until it's too late." Iwaizumi murmured sadly.
"It won't be too late for Kiku, she was saved in time," Fujimoto said.
Iwaizumi sent him a doubtful glance then looked back at the girl. She was quiet, lifeless, empty. He didn't see how such a broken doll could be brought back to life.
"She is in no state to be taken in by another family anytime soon, but by then, I'll make sure to make her feel better. To forgive herself…" Fujimoto said with a nod.
"Forgive herself?" Iwaizumi asked in confusion.
Lips thin, Fujimoto turned to look at Kiku then spoke up:
"She was left to die as a baby, went from house to house and was emotionally and physically abused by her adoptive family for six years. She is shy and quiet and doesn't talk – these are the typical traits that lonely children have when they feel abandoned and like their life don't matter. I'm sure the Himura must have repeated to her that no one wanted of her and they were the only ones who cared for her. For better or for worse… for six years they were her family and they took care of her. It's the only family she remained in for a long time. She doesn't know anything else. She probably thinks it's her fault that her parents left her and then that the Himura acted this way towards her."
No one answered to that. As soon as Kiku had the green light to take a walk, Fujimoto took her into the garden behind the hospital – the bright sun, the people, it was a little too much and it overwhelmed her. She didn't speak but she did grab his hand to hold onto someone. He felt like it might be the first step towards recovery for Kiku.
A few days later, it was in his office, with warm and welcoming colors rather than the blank and lifeless white of hospital halls, that he talked with her. She sat in front of him but remained quiet for most of the time. Then, he decided to propose to her a chocolate. He pushed the little plastic jar filled with chocolates across the coffee table between them. She stared at it for a moment, then she looked up at him – her gaze was filled with anger and bitterness. She grabbed the jar and threw it across the room, glaring at him.
"You're angry. It's normal," he said, not impressed even if she tightened her fists, "You have the right to feel angry, Kiku. After years holding up sadness and fear, now that you feel safer, you're angry at us, adults, for ignoring your silent pleas. And you're right – we should have noticed what was being done to you and we should have helped you years ago. You have the right to feel angry. Everything you feel is valid. You have the right to feel every bit of emotion you should feel – just like you have the right to speak up. No one will judge you, no one will hurt you no matter what you feel or say."
Shocked that he had figured her out even if she hadn't said a word… she stared at him with wide eyes… then his words hit her and she felt tears fill her eyes. She tried to hold it back, to keep quiet – if she made any sound, he'd hear and he'd beat her again…!
"You can cry… You're safe." He said softly, handing her a handkerchief.
Slowly, her silent cries grew in intensity. Her shoulders shook and even if it hurt her back, she couldn't stop it. Her chest hurt as little whines escaped her lips then, it turned into sobs. She spent the rest of the time with Fujimoto crying and after, instead of asking her to talk, he helped her clean up her red face and eyes because he knew, and she liked that he could tell, that she didn't want to show to anyone that she had broken and cried. Even if it was valid, she wanted to be strong, even if she might not understand it yet.
It still took her a few days to speak – she mostly cried and screamed and got violent against pillows. She ignored or glared at anyone who would visit her except Fujimoto and a few rare doctors or nurses… It was the main reason why Iwaizumi Takashi stopped visiting her: he hated seeing such a child turned so hateful and bitter against the world. And the investigation was closed – even without Kiku's testimony, there were enough evidences to send Himura Souma in prison. He visited less and less but still followed what was happening to her as her remaining in the hospital turned into weeks then months with little to no advancement.
Fujimoto kept talking to her, repeating her that what she felt was valid and she could express herself no matter what. Slowly, she calmed down from her break-downs and tantrums and finally, she shyly… quietly let her voice speak up:
"I… I'm sorry…" She whispered with a voice broken from weeks without speaking other than shouting.
"You don't have to be sorry, Kiku. I told you you weren't responsible for anything. You–"
"I'm… sorry… for not… talking before…" She added, voice trembling and tears in her eyes, "I… think I can trust you…"
It took Fujimoto by surprise but he smiled anyway and nodded.
"Thank you… I trust you too."
Little by little, she opened up and talked to him. Then she talked a little to other people. She told him everything that had happened – everything she felt. It was only more evidences added to the investigation file. But it was mostly Kiku's only way to heal her heart and soul. To understand she had a reason to live, that her life was not worthless – even if her biological parents had abandoned her and all the families she had been in had left her or hurt her… she could still find a reason to live, a family to love her… It was never too late to start again.
Her body was better as well – most of her injuries had turned into scars by now and it barely hurt any more, but she was still checked often by a kinesitherapist. She was a kind woman and Kiku liked her enough to speak a little. Kato Tsubasa. Kato-san was massaging her back and making sure she could walk without trouble despite the years of receiving a whip in her back and against her column, all the while sharing stories about her husband who was a volleyball club's coach.
"Tsubasa…! Ah, sorry, you have someone…"
Tsubasa and Kiku turned around, a brown-haired woman looking a lot like Tsubasa, but with short hair, at the doorway. She looked exhausted, her eyes were dark and red from not sleeping and crying. Kiku knew it because she had had the same look for a long time.
"I'm almost done, Nana. Can you wait for me in my office?"
Once she was gone, Kiku looked up at Tsubasa:
"Who is she? Why does she look so sad?"
Tsubasa's lips turned thin as she put a comforting hand on Kiku's shoulder.
"She's my older sister… and… and she just lost her daughter in a car accident. A few months ago but… it's hard for her to get over it."
Kiku didn't dare say anything else and tried to hide her compassionate tears, even though Tsubasa knew that despite the fits of anger and violence she could still have from time to time, Kiku was kind-hearted. It was surprising, so much kindness, after everything that had happened to her…
"Who was this girl?" Nanami asked later, head turned to the road as her sister drove for a family dinner – even if it didn't feel the same without…
"Ah, it's a long story…"
Tsubasa told everything she could about what had happened to Kiku, but Nanami only looked lost and confused.
"…Why hurting your child even if he's not your own? Children… children are the joy of this world, once they're gone… all joy is gone too…" She whispered, tears in her eyes as her heart squeezed painfully.
Tsubasa didn't find anything to answer to that.
Several times after that, Kiku met again Nanami and they even talked. Nanami was the only person she had opened up to so quickly – perhaps because she reminded her of Tsubasa. Or perhaps it was Nanami's motherly warmth that reassured Kiku. After a few weeks, Nanami shared it with her husband.
"She has no family!" She exclaimed.
Shouta shook his head, not sure this idea of hers was a good one…
"But adopting… Nanami, after…"
His voice broke and it took a lot for both of them to continue the conversation:
"I'm not against adoption, especially if this girl needs a family but… after what happened to Yumiko… I'm scared it'll only hurt us more to take another child in. I-I don't want to feel like we're replacing her…"
"Do you think I could ever replace Yumiko in my heart?" She answered, tears in her eyes.
"No, of course not, but–"
"We've tried for years after Yumiko's birth to have another child – it never worked. M-maybe… maybe Kiku could be our child! It wouldn't hurt to try–"
"Try? Nanami, didn't you say that this girl was abandoned by every one of her families that adopted her? That the last one even almost killed her? If we take this girl in, we can't mess up – we need to love her and give her a family… We can't just 'try'. It would only hurt her more… And it's not just about us – your sister and her husband, our parents… how will they react to it? Could they accept it?"
"I…"
Nanami swallowed hard then wiped away the tears that had started to spill.
"I want to be a mother… I-I need a daughter, and Kiku… needs a mother… I will never forget or cease to leave Yumiko, never but… but I can't watch Kiku when she has no one… Where will she go next? Another messed up family?"
Shouta sighed not knowing what to think of this possibility. They had never thought of adopting until Nanami learned that Kiku didn't have anywhere to go next. He opened his arms and his wife immediately buried her face against his chest, his arms hugging her tightly.
After more discussion, they went to see Kiku. Together. And even though Shouta scared her at first, he was smiling so softly it was hard not to see him as a big teddy bear… They told her they wanted to adopt her. She didn't say anything. She didn't say yes, she didn't say no. But the fear was obvious in her eyes – fear of being in another bad family, fear of being abandoned again, fear of being hurt again… But after talking about it with Fujimoto, Kiku agreed to it. Nanami and Shouta started filling the papers for the adoption – they were checked by the system… and by Iwaizumi Takashi who had taken it as a personal duty to make sure Kiku wouldn't be hurt ever again. Even if the Akiyama family had all been checked, he checked again. He made sure she would be in a good family. But he kept the name in a corner of his head – Akiyama Kiku. He'll have to check every once in a while on her, and this family, and make sure that what had happened to Kiku, never happened again… When Kiku left the hospital with her new adopting parents, she slowed down upon noticing a crowd. There was a little show for the people in the hospital and their family – cheerleaders. They were flying, jumping, making impossible stunts, shouting encouraging words. Encouraging words coming out of their hearts and souls, and not out of pity or because it was their job like all the doctors and policemen Kiku had met… the encouraging words Kiku needed to start her new life.
Going into a new house, with a new family was hard for everyone. Kiku had spent so many years afraid of the people living under the same roof as her that at every mistake or misstep, she was on the verge of breaking completely. She'd apologize endlessly but Shouta and Nanami always forgave and understood her. They gave her the time and space she needed to get used to everything. In return, Kiku gave them the time and space to finish mourning their lost daughter and get used to the idea of another one. They found a rhythm, they weren't unhappy but they weren't happy either – they weren't a family…
"Kiku."
The tone of Nanami's voice was serious and like so many times, Kiku's heart started beating in fear and panic, afraid she might have done something wrong and they'd leave her.
"I want to talk to you…" Nanami started.
They sat on Kiku's bed and after a little bit of silence so she could gather her thoughts, Nanami spoke up again:
"When I started thinking about adopting you… I… I admit that it was mostly to get over my loss. Of course, I wanted to help you but I wanted to help myself first. I'm realizing it was selfish and you probably knew it when you accepted to be adopted by us so… if you knew… why did you accept?"
It took Kiku by surprise, not quite knowing at which point of this conversation Nanami will say she'd rather send Kiku somewhere else, after all. B-but… Kiku didn't want to leave… The Akiyama were so sweet, so warm, so… they felt like real parents. They weren't her parents, they had had their own daughter and all three were still stumbling but… It was the closest to a family she's ever had. She… didn't want to leave them. She wanted to remain with them…
"I… I thought… If you could… feel better after your daughter's death… thanks to me… even if you could never become my parents, if you were to feel better… I'd be glad… that's why… I accepted…" Kiku answered in a soft voice.
Nanami stared at her, stunned by these words. She had thought Kiku had thought about it carefully but jumped on the chance of having a family – but she had put her and Shouta's happiness first.
"Kiku… this is… it's so… kind… How can you be so kind when the world has been so cruel to you…?" She whispered.
She couldn't be that kind – her sweet daughter had been stolen from her when she was just a teenager. Fifteen years are not enough years. It was too soon to die, she had so many more things to live. Nanami couldn't forgive life, and the world, for being so cruel and taking away her daughter before her time…
"I… want people happy… if I can make them happy… perhaps… they'll love me… and they'll accept me…" Kiku murmured shyly,, fumbling her fingers with the hem of her shirt.
Nanami's silent tears rolled down her cheeks, mouth hanging open. Life had been cruel to Kiku – more than to most people. But she had chosen kindness over bitterness. She had decided to spread goodness and happiness to be accepted… because no one had ever accepted her as she was. If only she could understand she didn't have to try so hard to be loved…
"Kiku… would you…"
She hesitated then showed her open hands to Kiku who glanced up at her curiously.
"Could you give me another chance…? At being a mother? A good mother, the mother you deserve…?" She asked softly.
Kiku's eyes filled with tears. It wasn't the "I'll never leave you, you're now my daughter" she had always dreamt of… but it was better. Nanami was trying. Like Shouta. Like the entire Akiyama family to accept her. Not to take the place of Yumiko – but as Kiku. They wanted her to be part of their family…
Hand trembling, she hesitantly reached for Nanami's hand and nodded vividly, eyes sparkling happily when Nanami smiled with the warmth only a mother could give.
"M… mom…" She whispered, voice breaking as a sob shook her.
For the first time in her life, "mom" sounded right. She had found her family.
Kiku was sitting on the edge of her bed, just like all these years ago when she had been accepted by Nanami as her daughter, and she had accepted her as her mother. She turned silent and as if slowly coming back for air after drowning excruciatingly slowly… she came back into her room, the present and…
She glanced up at Hajime who was leaning against her desk, his arms crossed and a dark, indescribable expression on his face. His eyes were closed, his brows furrowed. She wanted to say something but she had no idea what she should add to her story. She had no idea how to make it sound better. She didn't want to see him so… so shaken…
"…Why?"
His voice was low, it sounded rough and harsh. Then, he opened his eyes and slowly turned towards Kiku, his gaze intense. It was burning from… compassion and sadness but, there was also anger, bitterness, confusion…
Kiku's eyes filled with tears – it was exactly what she didn't want Hajime to feel…
"Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" He asked, sounding more bitter than he wanted.
When he noticed how hurtful his words had sounded, he swallowed hard then spoke up again:
"We've been friends for months now, you're part of the team… why… why did you keep quiet for so long? Why didn't you trust me…?!" He exclaimed, voice rising.
Kiku startled and lowered her head, a hand coming up to her mouth to stifle her cries.
Guilty to make her feel like that, Hajime instantly softened a little and stepped forward… but he froze. What was he supposed to say and do? He wanted to comfort her… but he wanted, he needed to know why she hadn't trusted him when she had had so many opportunities to open up to him – not necessarily the whole story, but… didn't she know by now he wouldn't judge her, or reject her simply because she was adopted? Because she had been hurt? How could she think him so low and shallow and keep it a secret for so long?
"Just tell me why you didn't trust me!" He exclaimed again, stepping forward but this time pressuring her for an answer.
He was desperate to have one – his heart was beating madly from how panicked he was. If Kiku had never trusted him – did she ever like him at all? Everything they had, all the time they spent together – did it even matter to her if she never trusted him?!
"TELL ME!" He shouted suddenly.
"I was scared!" She exclaimed, standing up suddenly, the cover around her shoulders dropping on the floor.
"Scared of me?! I would never hurt you!" He hissed, deeply hurt that she'd even think him capable of raising his hand against her.
"Everyone hurts me! Everyone just keeps on hurting me, then they leave me! I never had anyone – how could I think…?! How could I hope you… you'd be different! You're not any better than the others, you're not special! You're kind but even you, as kind and open-minded as you claim to be…! You're watching me with these eyes!"
He took a step backwards, mouth hanging open, feeling offended and hurt by everything she said but she continued, tears streaming down her face as she screamed:
"You're looking at me like everyone always does! With pity! And you're so kind you'd probably stay with me just to not hurt me, not because you want to be with me! I don't want that! I never wanted to tell you any of that because someday, you'll get tired of me and you'll leave me and I'll have NO ONE!"
Breathing heavily, she stared at him for a long time, her gaze burning in so much pain and… the absolute belief that it was inevitable that he wouldn't stay with her, that he'd eventually leave…
His green eyes shone – from tears he refused to let roll, and from all the pain and sadness he felt after everything she just told him…
"Not any better than the others, not special… Is that what you really think of me?" He murmured, his shaking voice revealing how much his heart clenched painfully.
Realizing she had hurt him in ways she had never wanted, Kiku calmed down and tried to open her lips, but he cut her:
"I get it now, you… you think I'm just some asshole who would discard you as soon as I got tired of you – if that's what you think of me, you don't know me. I-I thought that you'd… that you'd be different… but I was wrong…"
He turned around and she took a step forward to stop him:
"Haji–"
"Thanks… for telling me." He said without looking at her, "Y'know… if you don't trust people… it's no wonder they'd eventually leave…" He added in a hushed voice.
Kiku's heart broke and she felt like the ground was shattering under her feet and would swallow her whole…
Hajime started to glance over his shoulder, but he couldn't bring himself to actually look at her – or he'd break. Jaw and fists clenched tightly, he walked out of the door and closed it quietly. The moment he was out of view from Kiku his expression broke and he bit hard on his lower lip. He started trembling as he held back tears, furious against himself and Kiku and the world and everything…
Refusing to cry before he was hidden in his bedroom, he walked away from Kiku's bedroom. Every step seemed to deepen the rift that had appeared between them and even though he didn't want to hear any more of what she truly thought of him… he also prayed that she'd go out of her room and go after him. Hold onto him, onto what they had even if it wasn't much… His heartbeat resonated with his steps and it took all of his mental strength to not break down right here and now, feeling like everything he had had with Kiku – the good times, the innocent love, the promises for a future together – had just broken into sharp pieces that pierced his heart.
He didn't realize what stairs he had taken and he ended up in the back of the bakery. Before he could turn around, Shouta – who was behind the counter – noticed him. He stared at the high-schooler with a long, firm gaze. He knew what Kiku had talked about with Hajime up there. And Hajime knew that he knew…
Hajime thought he was about to be threatened, kicked out of the bakery or something by the giant man… but he didn't say anything, he didn't judge. He didn't judge any of the boy's words, or his decision to get out. Realizing he could make it out safely, ashamed to face him after learning Shouta had lost his daughter and he was now breaking his second daughter's heart… he hurried towards the door, face turned down.
"It's okay, you know."
Hajime froze as Shouta spoke up once again:
"Everything you feel is valid. It's something I was told a lot after Yumiko's death, and Kiku heard it a lot too. You have the right to feel what you feel and put your own emotions first." He said with a calm, understanding voice, "But please… no matter what you decide in the future, no matter what happens and what you do… don't be angry at Kiku. She's used to being rejected, as sad as it sounds, but she's not used to have people being angry at her. It would hurt her much more than anything else… especially from you."
Shouta wanted to add more but he wasn't sure the boy could handle it at the moment. Hajime didn't understand just how much Kiku liked and admired him, how much she looked up to him. For the last three years he was her greatest inspiration and he was the reason why she found a reason to live for.
Before he could say anything else, though… Hajime, fists clenched and gaze shattered by all of the conflicting emotions he felt, spoke up:
"She… she never told me she was adopted, she didn't trust me…!"
Shouta paused, observing him closely before drying his hands and speaking up, eyes looking down thoughtfully.
"It's not you she didn't trust, it's life. You know, people don't like hearing about this sort of things so there's always this sort of discomfort whenever such a topic is brought up."
He paused with a sigh before slowly walking out of behind the counter, looking out at the children playing in the neighborhood through the bakery's windows.
"Adoption… it's a tough topic. People don't like talking about that. Knowing that some children don't have parents, that they are rejected from birth or later. Never having parents with you, losing your parents… losing your children…"
He looked down sadly. Hajime swallowed hard, now knowing he had lost his child many years ago.
"Most people fall in love, get married, have children… They see their children grow up and become their own persons. But sometimes… sometimes life is crueler and doesn't allow you to live that. So, when people are reminded of the harshness of life, they feel awkward and uncomfortable. This is why abused children, abandoned children, losing your parents or your children… it's a difficult topic to bring up and when we go through it, we don't like talking about it. Kiku didn't want to feel the pitying and uncomfortable gazes from others, that's why she doesn't say she was abandoned as a baby. Just like… I don't say I lost my child."
Shouta took a shaky breathe then put a hand on Hajime's shoulder, squeezing it for comfort, looking straight into his eyes.
"When life has been cruel to you, you have to carry it in your heart and continue life but this burden drags you down, it slows you down… Kiku probably wants to protect you, she doesn't you to feel this burden, but she also cares for you the way she had never cared for anyone before…"
He hesitated before giving a tight smile and another squeeze.
"Go clear your head… And figure out if you're willing to share this burden with her."
Hajime looked down, shaken up by everything he had learned, everything he felt… He was still angry at Kiku for keeping such a secret for so long, he was also angry at what she had told him, but Shouta's words had struck him deep.
He exited, feet dragged as he tried to figure out what to do, what to feel, what to think… He could barely understand the weight of the revelation as it was…
"Iwaizumi!"
He stopped suddenly and looked up, stunned to see Hanamaki running down to him from his house, so casually, a lazy smile on his face… It felt so unreal to see his teammate after everything he had learned in so little time – it was like a slap back in reality. But reality also meant that Hanamaki, who was Kiku's neighbor and childhood friend, had known all along about Kiku being adopted… but he never said anything to anyone! It wasn't his story to tell but Iwaizumi had had the right to know…!
"I saw you in Kiku's bedroom from the window – what did you talk about? You–"
"How could you not tell me?" Iwaizumi said in a low voice, frowning and glaring at Hanamaki.
He hesitated, not understanding why the Ace was so angry at him, for no reason…
"Tell you what?"
"Don't play the fool! You knew all along! But you didn't tell me! How could you?!" Iwaizumi exclaimed.
Before he knew it he advanced towards Hanamaki and grabbed his shirt, shaking him violently and shouting in his face:
"You could have told me or anyone but you kept it to yourself, bastard! Knowing this! You should have warned me how much mess I was getting into but you encouraged me to fall for her!"
Too shocked by the sudden violence, Hanamaki stepped back until he tripped and fell on his behind, on the grass. Iwaizumi followed him and continued shaking him, though with less anger and more distress, his eyes shining with tears.
"You could have talked to her! You could have told me she was adopted! Why did you keep it a secret?!"
Hanamaki's eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat.
Finally breaking, Iwaizumi fell on his knees, letting go of his friend and letting angry tears escape his eyes. He quickly wiped them away, furiously, with his forearm.
"…What?"
Hajime immediately glared back at the wing-spiker to shout at him… only to freeze when he realized Hanamaki seemed just as shaken and shocked as him…
"What did you say? She's what? A-adopted?" He repeated, panic in his voice, "T-that's impossible…!"
"D-don't give me that crap! You're her neighbor, you've been friends since you were children! There's no way you wouldn't know!"
"No… no, I… we moved in here just before I started middle-school. She had always been… I had assumed the Akiyama had always lived here but…"
Suddenly understanding that Hanamaki never knew Kiku when she had arrived, but only always when she was already an Akiyama… Iwaizumi remained silent. Even if they weren't best friends – she had kept it a secret from someone who had known her for longer than anyone else… And that alone, even if he wasn't nearly as attached to her as Hajime was… seemed to be enough to shock Takahiro who couldn't believe it.
"You said… she's… how… why wouldn't she tell me? You? Anyone?!"
Unable to answer, Iwaizumi clenched his fists against his thighs then slowly stood up, almost painfully. As if the weight of his heart kept him stuck to the ground and refused to let him move. Stunned, Hanamaki kept staring at him, mouth hanging open.
"Sorry… I thought you knew and you had kept it from me…" Iwaizumi muttered before turning around.
"W-wait! Where are you going?! Iwaizumi!" Hanamaki called.
But he didn't seem to hear him, or care about it and walked away, shoulders down and gaze devastated by betrayal…
In all three years, he had never seen the resilient Ace so broken… but then again… even after years, secrets could be revealed. New faces of people he thought he knew could be discovered, was what he thought as he glanced up at Kiku's window.
I need to give a little explanation on the topic I decided to use in this fanfic: not just Kiku being adopted but also abused by her foster family. I always knew that adopted children didn't' have happy-go-lucky lives but I had always assumed they were well-cared for by their families, that if parents were willing to adopt, they'd love the child no matter what. But I started realizing it wasn't this easy with Once Upon a Time and the main character, Emma Swan, going from foster house to foster house. Then, I read a book that opened my eyes: "The Problem with Forever" from Jennifer L. Armentrout where the story is about two children finding each other years after quitting the foster house they had been in, and abused in. I had never imagined such a thing but it is real and no one talks about the reality of the adoption system and the nightmares it can hide.
Moreover, when working for this fanfiction, I looked for statistics about abuse and neglect of adopted children, or how adopted children were taken care of, I didn't find any satistics specifically giving a number or percentage. Perhaps I didn't look well enough but after an entire page of google with no clear information I realized that, the reason why finding statistics wasn't easy was because it's not a topic people like to share. It motivated me even more to share it with people, even though it's hard to admit that some children end up abandoned and then, abused in their foster homes, it's the truth and we have to be aware of it. I still found a few number and I copy paste a few quotes from internet articles I found (I'm not putting the links because it doesn't work well on but if you need more information, don't hesitate to ask me in private message):
"Many [adopted children] have suffered abuse or neglect, all have been separated from their birth families and all have spent time in the care system. Many will have grown up feeling unsafe, uncared for and alone – their 'walls' will be incomplete and fragile."
"Many kids in the adoption system both domestically and internationally have experienced some degree of physical, sexual, emotional or neglectful abuse-and at the very least have been impacted by relational trauma and separation. The ones that are noted in writing on the preadoption referral, oftentimes have had more moderate to severe abuse as it left signs or scars that alerted the caregivers or authorities to their past history or the child has actually conveyed the abuse history to a trusted adult. A child that has documented one type of abuse, has often experienced or been exposed to multiple forms of abuse. Major early trauma puts children at risk for behavioral, cognitive, psychological, and emotional problems long after placement including issues with self-esteem, internalizing (keeping things in) or externalizing (acting out) behaviors, developmental and social delays, and mental health issues later in life."
"Current statistics show that as many as 75% of children in foster care have been sexually abused. Many times sexual abuse is not indicated in a child's file; they have not trusted anyone enough to share this secret with them."
"Like the first report, sexual abuse was the overwhelmingly (74%) prevalent form of maltreatment. This was true for family foster care (74%), relative foster care (76%), specialized foster care (62%), and institutions (89%). Birth parents were the most frequent perpetrators of the abuse (45% of cases) followed by unrelated parent substitutes (20%)"
"Substantial risk of harm accounted for the highest percentage of reports in foster family homes (34%) and relative foster homes (35%). In non-related foster homes, sexual abuse (24%), physical abuse (22%), and lack of supervision (20%) comprised the remaining types of maltreatment that occurred. In relative foster care, lack of supervision (25%), physical abuse (22%), and sexual abuse (13%) were the other substantially reported incidents. In specialized foster homes, physical abuse was the most frequent type of abuse (32%), followed by sexual abuse (29%). In institutions, sexual abuse and lack of supervision each accounted for 28% of incidents. Physical abuse followed with 22%. "
I also found statistics of abuse on children, not the ones adopted but it's still frightening high numbers: 61% for neglect, 13% for physical abuse. If there are such high numbers for your own children, imagine the numbers for a child you have adopted.
I need to precise two things in all of these quotes, facts and numbers: firstly, it's very hard to have a good idea of the real number of abused children, whether from their biological parents or in foster houses simply because most of te time, abuse/neglect/violence/sexual abuse are not noticed until it's too late, IF it's noticed at all and the child is saved. Secondly, neglect and abuse in foster houses remains a minority of cases and in most cases, everything goes well between foster parents and adopted child BUT there will always be some trauma for the child about being adopted and the fcat that his parents/guardians are not his biological parents.
Finally, I'm going to quote the acknowledgments words of Jennifer L. Armentrout which, I believe, are exactly what needs to be said: "Writing a novel that dealth with childhood neglect and abuse and their long-term effects meant I would be delving into a world a lot of people may find it hard to look closely upon. A world where some want to believe that what Mallory and Rider suffered are complete works of fiction. It wasn't easy to equally represent all the good in the services designed to protect our children while recognizing that some have and still do slip through the cracks of an underfunded, overworked and understaffed system."
NEXT CHAPTER : WORDS ON A PAGE
Don't hesitate to ask questions and tell me what you thought! :)
Yours Truly,
May