Here is the new chpter! :D
deadlywhisper21 : Most people found the part with Makki annoying, or sad, but you found it fun. As long as everyone is pleased! XD Don't worry, things will accelerate soon! ;)
LuxKlara : Makki avrà un bello character development. Era un dick, ma ha sempre guardato KIku con la distanza: l'ha aiutato quando prepotenti facere troppo, ma Kiku mai ha notato. Sento un po colpevola per Marika, perché ovviamente Tooru non l'ama e i suoi amici, specialmente Iwa-chan, eranno primo da lei.
starrat : At this point of the story, Oikawa doesn't like anyone. He has a gilrfriend, but doesn't like her the way Hajime likes Kiku. He does have a girl in sight, though! ;)
Krisia : You said everything there was to say, with perfect words. I couldn't have said it any better. Especially for Hajime: being trusted his whole life by classmates, as an Ace etc. isn't trusted by the girl he loves... I hadn't even noticed he might feel like betrayed because of the trust everyone has always put in him but your interpretation is PERFECT! :D
forevertrash97 : Thank you, I hope you'll love what happens next! ;)
Aquafin : It's my job as writer to make you feel emotional and make you laugh, so I'm happy! :3
pinkdoughtnuts : Makki IS a dick but he's going to have a great character development after that! ;) I hope ti won't darken his character from the canon, though...
laseralligator : AHha, don't worry, I'll try not to update both in the same tiem anymre! ;) Don't worry,a hug is coming! :D I'll try for Yuuna to find love too, but it'll depend on how it'll turn out later on. Kiku WILL have her badass moments with the volleyball club, of course! ;) As for the update schedule of QV, it's every 3 days at the condition I wrote another chapter to keep my advance. In case no new chapter wirtten, it's updated as soon as possible! :)
Oikawa's knee : Kyouken-chan will appear soon! :D I think I'll make him go back to the team during the summer training camp! :) And as for the relationship wth Kiku and Iwaizumi, I'll let you discover it in time! ;)
Fairytaildoll : I hope the story I wrote would expand people's awareness on the situation of foster families and children, unless you've lived through sucha thing, or knows someone who did, it's not usually something people talk about.
Houshikun001: Makki will evovle, he won't be like that aymore with Kiku! :) And even if he did take advantage of her kindness and wasn't her friend, it wasn't like he abandoned her completely: he watched over her from afar, making sure the bullies would eventually stop when they went too far, or helping her out when she didn't notice. Confession! Confession! :D Me too, I'm looking forward to it! :D
FANFICTION
HAIKYUU! : QUIET VOICE
CHAPTER XXXIV : When the Loneliness is Gone…
"She wears it so beautifully doesn't she, her pain… Always smiling, always positive… Always happy to help… It's like a garment perfectly tailored to fit the way she carries it… with a touch of grace… and the quietness of that sad smile… All so you'd never know how heavy it really was."
― Ranata Suzuki
"Survivors of trauma may have difficulty initiating relationships…"
― Asa Don Brown, The effects of childhood trauma on adult perception and worldview
"When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable."
― Jess C. Scott, The Intern
"Love says: I've seen the ugly parts of you, and I'm staying."
— Matt Chandler
"You must love her because many have tried and failed. And she wants to know that she is worthy to be loved, that she is worthy to be kept."
— Junot Díaz, This is How You Lose Her
"Meanwhile she waits, heart heavy in her hands, wondering if he'll shatter it in to a million pieces or place it gently back inside her frail chest…"
— Unknown
"There is nothing sweeter in this sad world than the sound of someone you love calling your name."
— Kate DiCamillo, The Tale of Despereaux
"I need someone who knows how to stay."
— Warsan Shire
"It was probably nothing but it felt like the world."
— Morrissey, Autobiography.
"I hope you find the kind of love where a single touch can calm your tormented soul."
— Nikita Gill
"You don't give up on someone you love."
— Unknown
"Happiness is holding someone in your arms and knowing you hold the whole world."
— Orhan Pamuk, Snow
Hajime stared at the police station, waiting outside. Last night, he had fallen asleep before his parents came home and they let him sleep for some unknown reason. Perhaps they could tell he needed his sleep. He actually dreamt of Kiku – not for the first time, but it was still embarrassing considering that officially they were still just friends. Needing a run to clear his mind, half-way through it, he changed his course and arrived in front of his father's job.
Before he could go and tell Kiku he wouldn't leave her despite everything he had learned, there was one thing he needed to make clear.
He entered the office, seeing a policeman at the entrance who recognized him and gave him the authorization to go into his father's office.
"I think your father is in the archives but I'll tell him you're here to see him," he said as he left the high-schooler.
Hajime nodded with a polite smile but dropped it as soon as he was alone, turning towards the little office. It wasn't the first time he was coming to visit his father at his job, but it was always a little embarrassing – lately he was mostly dropping his lunch or dinner at the entrance when he stayed longer than planned without actually talking to his father.
He walked closer to the office and, getting a little bored, he dropped in his father's seat, staring at the pictures put on his desk. There was a picture of his parents young, some pictures of him when he was younger. There was even a picture with Oikawa when they were children. They really did spend most of their lives together…
But this time, instead of looking at the pictures with the feeling of melancholy tugging at his heart and leaving a smile on his face, Hajime couldn't help but think of Kiku. She didn't have a family, parents, or pictures like that… She didn't have any good memory to look back on from her childhood. Did she miss it? The feeling of a family, the happiness that comes with it no matter what. Could you miss something you never had to begin with? Or was it just sad envy?
"Hajime! I didn't expect you today!"
He looked up, his father coming in with brown files under his arm. They exchanged their places, the police officer taking his place behind a desk and Hajime sitting in front of him. Even though he had nothing to be guilty of, he almost felt like a criminal – sitting here in front of a serious, impressive man wearing the suit of justice.
Well, as far as justice went at least. Kiku didn't get justice in time and she ended up broken because of that. Hajime knew his father wasn't to blame, or anyone who didn't notice in time what was being done to her but… ever since he was little he had always admired his father for working so hard, fighting crime. Even if most of the time he only took care of little criminals and little nothings, sometimes even just helping out old people crossing the street or watching a road with nothing happening while eating donuts… he had always been his hero. When he was little, Hajime always said he wanted to become like his father when he'll be older – a superhero stopping criminals. Takashi never stopped his dreams, but he never encouraged it either. Now that Hajime thought back on it, Takashi might have been relieved when his son decided the path of a pro volleyball career. He probably didn't want his son to see the terrible things he had seen – seeing the sort of things that had happened to Kiku, probably things way worse… Hajime wondered for a moment just what exactly his father had seen, how many broken people he had had to face. Now that he knew about what had happened to Kiku, it seemed to have opened his eyes. The system of nowadays' society – especially when it comes to fairness and justice – was cracked. It was rotten so deep it was making the fight useless… How did his father find the strength to keep working so hard to fight against a system that was broken?
"Is there anything you wanted to talk to me about?" Takashi asked, staring at his son with an intense gaze.
Father and son stared at each other for a while. The last time they had been in the same room they had argued– fought and Hajime had pushed him against a wall, screaming at him. Because of Kiku. Because back then, Hajime didn't know how his father could know Kiku and why she had reacted in such a way to meeting him. They both knew what Hajime was doing here, what he wanted to talk about but Takashi gave him the time to start the topic himself.
Suddenly, he wasn't quite sure what to say… Should he apologize first for his behavior last time? Should he ask his questions or talk about Kiku?
"I wanted to apologize for what I did the other day. I shouldn't have screamed at you, and I shouldn't have pushed you like that." He started, lowering his gaze to get rid of this particular topic as soon as possible.
He did feel guilty about it all, but he didn't regret his gestures, he felt like his actions were justified (overreacted, on the edge of dangerous, but justified) – his father shouldn't have kept such mystery even if Hajime understood why he'd keep the secret.
Takashi sighed, lowering his gaze before shaking his head.
"It's fine, you were confused because of your girlfriend, it's normal."
"S-she's not… my g-girlf…"
His voice and stammer trailed off, a blush creeping up his cheeks as Takashi continued calmly:
"I was surprised – you had never acted like that with me but I suppose that love makes fools out of all of us. And you probably had a good reason to act this way – I hadn't expected you to show up at the Akiyama, and especially not Kiku to react the way she did."
Hajime looked down, not quite knowing what to do or say but his father knew better, smiling a little sadly:
"But you're not here to apologize, right? You have something else to tell me, and it concerns Kiku."
Hajime could have been embarrassed to be read so easily, but his father had always been like that.
"…She told me… everything." He said, Takashi not showing anything but feeling a little better that there was no more secret between his son and his not-girlfriend, "I get why you didn't tell me the truth… but I still don't get why… she'd react the way she did when she saw you, or why… you said such stuff." Hajime finished, voice a little hurt as he thought back on what his father had said.
"You should forget about her. Kiku isn't someone for you."
"Look, Hajime…" Takashi started, "I get that you fell in love without knowing the truth, but… Kiku isn't someone… it's not going to be easy, dating her. If she told you everything, you know her fears and what she went through – it's not something you come back from unscathed and she'll have to carry these fears and trauma her whole life. It's a terrible thing to go through, but it can be even worse for the people around."
Hajime looked up, something wild passing in his eyes, almost close to anger, but he didn't say a thing and remained calm as Takashi continued:
"When I heard the name 'Akiyama Kiku', I didn't want to believe it was the same little girl I had found years ago – so I checked. And turns out, it was exactly the same girl. I don't want you to have any illusion that with Kiku you'll have a good and happy relationship, however long it might last. It's going to hurt you both in the end and even if she's used to being left, you are not – you'll be the one who'll hurt most and I don't want that for you."
"But… but… you're talking about it as if we're doomed to not work out!" Hajime exclaimed, "We aren't even dating yet, why do you already condemn us to… to hurt and breaking up or whatever?"
"Because you're still in high-school, you'll fall in love times and times again but if you get attached to this girl too much, you won't get back from it unhurt. I just want to protect you, Hajime."
"And who protects Kiku?" He replied with a hard voice.
Takashi remained silent, staring at his son as he moved forward, frowning lightly:
"You? The adoption system? Her adoptive parents who took her in because they had lost their child and had nothing better to do? All of these people are the reasons why she's been so hurt! I refuse to leave her like everyone else to face the world alone!"
His father sighed before answering:
"You're saying that because you have a crush on her but you'll eventually fall out of love. You think it's some epic love story because of what she's been through and you're her knight in shining armor but reality is different–"
"I don't care how different it is! I want to be with her!" He exclaimed, voice rising a little.
"And you're blinded by your feelings, Hajime!"
His son rolled his eyes, falling against the seat while Takashi continued:
"You saw how she reacted when she recognized me – the moment the memories flew back in, she closed off and was silent, and she didn't care about you! The slightest thing could trigger her memory and a break-down anytime! I've had to deal with hurt people all my life and I know what I'm talking about! She's not someone for you – she's suicidal, depressed, dark, she's angry and violent with people and a healthy relationship can't grow from this!"
Hajime stared at him, lips falling open in shock to hear such words. Now he knew Kiku was depressed, and why… as much as it hurt his heart, it wouldn't be surprising to know she was suicidal… But the rest of this description – it wasn't his Kiku.
"The Kiku I know is bright, and kind and sweet – I don't know who you're talking about it's not the girl I know!" Hajime exclaimed.
It was Takashi's turn to roll his eyes.
"Because you like her but–"
"No! No you don't get it, you don't understand! She changed! I don't know how hurt she was when you first met her, but she's… she's not that anymore! She loves the world and people so much – I never heard her badmouth anyone, she's open-minded and smiling and her laugh is beautiful, she sings and dances and used to do cheerleading – she's a great manager! She encouraged us so much for the Inter-High! A-and she helps to take care of abandoned and injured animals! She's charming and funny and clever a-and… and she's so happy. She's so happy she can't help but spread happiness around her…"
Takashi stared at him, a little stunned to hear such a description… they often said that the most hurt people were the kindest – but in reality, it was so rare. So many people hung onto bitterness and anger and spread it around, they spread their hurt around because they didn't know how to deal with it. After what he had seen, a few years ago… how Kiku reacted to people, how she kept silence… it wouldn't have been surprising that she'd turn out just as bitter and angry as everyone else but… but… as hard as it sounded to him… Hajime truly thought she was kind and happy. When he talked about her, he didn't realize it, but he started smiling and blushing, his eyes were sparkling so much…
He really is in love with her… Takashi realized, eyes slightly widened.
"Look, you think you know her and obviously, you're wrong… But you're judging Kiku from what you saw of her, years ago, when she had just escaped her abusing family and was still dealing with her trauma – years have gone by and now… now she's not the Kiku you used to know. The Kiku from now you only met her for less than two minutes and… yeah, she was silent and dark and not feeling good – but like you said, seeing you had triggered her trauma. You… you can't judge her for this short time you saw her…" Hajime continued, his voice a little tight because he didn't want his father to think badly of Kiku.
He paused before continuing, not realizing just how closely his father was staring at him, a little shocked by the absolute devotion in his son's voice and the unwavering love in his eyes.
"Mom and you… you always taught me not to judge by the appearances and to get to know people before judging them – I'm asking you to do the same for Kiku… Forget what you know of her because… because you'll realize that she's the kindest, brightest, most beautiful person to ever walk the Earth!"
"Boy… that place is already taken by your mother…" Takashi said with an amused smile when he saw his tough, muscular son blushing like an embarrassed five-years-old, "But… if Kiku is willing to meet me again, despite what I remind her of, I promise to try my best to ignore my past impression." He said, nodding lightly his head.
Hajime grinned happily, relief washing over his body.
"I can't really say anything else when you're talking about her like she's the love of your life, right?" He continued, teasing him a little.
He blushed even more, glancing down in embarrassment but didn't even try to deny it.
Oooh, he has it BAD! Takashi realized, biting the inside of his cheek to not laugh.
Once the hype was down, Hajime realized with dread that he had talked about Kiku like he usually thought of her – like she was his angel, a goddess, a creature of absolute kindness… It was more embarrassing than admitting outloud that he was in love with her… and his father kept smirking at him teasingly. The moment he'll step out of this room, his father will call his mom and tell her everything and then both his parents would tease him endlessly…!
"Another thing…" He recalled, "And uh, the main reason why I wanted to see you…"
Takashi raised an eyebrow while Hajime continued, fingers fumbling awkwardly.
"That guy… the family Kiku was in before you uh… found her… what happened to him?" He asked hesitantly.
His father sighed once again before reaching for one of the brown file he had come back with – he hadn't known his son would come, but he had been checking the state of the file.
"I was checking about it just before you showed up… He's in prison for abuse on minor, his wife had to go through some time in prison as well for helping him and their son had, ironically, ended up in the system. They're all unable to reach Kiku – if they even try, they're in big trouble. The system and justice might have failed Kiku for years… but now she's protected from these people." He explained, showing the file to his son.
Hajime's hands immediately reached for it but Takashi pulled it out of his reach before he could grab it.
"Before I let you read this file – be prepared for what you'll read. There are not just the investigation documents, but also the medical reports after that night and for the following months. I might not know today's Kiku, but… I don't think you're ready to know about the Kiku from that time." He said.
Hajime hesitated a short moment. He didn't want to know anymore about Kiku's pain and trauma but… if he wanted to be with her, he had to understand what she had gone through. He swallowed before nodding seriously. His father gave him the file.
"You can take it home – just make sure it's not seen when you go out. You're not supposed to bring back a confidential file."
"You always bring files home to finish them."
"Because I'm a police officer who never got caught – you're just a high-schooler and you're not the most discreet creature to be."
Hajime frowned, not quite knowing if there was an insult in that. He could be discreet if he wanted to. But he nodded then got up, hiding the file under his jersey jacket. Once his father gave him the thumbs-up, he exited the building, as nervous as a thief. As soon as he was away, he sighed in relief.
When he got home, he ran into his bedroom, ignoring the way his mother glanced at him suspiciously. He started reading the file – it didn't have the emotions Kiku had when she told the story but… but it hurt all the more. Reading what had happened, what the policemen had discovered and worse… the medical reports. Hajime always threw up when he saw the injuries Kiku had been found with – so many bruises, so much blood, even clean… He could barely see any unscathed skin on her back.
He was wiping away tears when the door suddenly opened and he closed the file quickly.
"Iwa-chan! I received a message from Makki – didn't you check your phone lately? He's worried about you because… what is it?" Oikawa asked when he noticed his friend hiding his reddish eyes.
He glanced down and saw the police file – it wasn't hard for the setter to put two and two together. Wanting to support his friend, he approached his hand to the file but Iwaizumi put his hand on top of it to keep him from opening it.
"Don't. I…"
Oikawa stared at him, stunned he'd refuse him to have a glance at what was written. But Iwaizumi looked so distraught it was hard to see him like that…
"I don't want you to see Kiku this way… She might refuse to talk to me after she finds out I told you everything… I… I just want you to keep being her friend, so don't look at these pictures…"
"You know I don't judge people from their appearances…" Oikawa said with a sad shrug.
Iwaizumi turned to him, trying to find a sharp reply to that because he was Oikawa Tooru but… he was right and he didn't judge people from their appearances. Except himself.
"Still… it's a bit tough to look at. Especially when… it's someone we know…"
"…You mean, especially when it's the person you like…?" Oikawa concluded with pursed lips.
Hajime didn't even try to hide it, and nodded, lowering his head to look back at the brown cover of the file.
"It's one thing imagining what had happened to her when she told me everything… it's another actually seeing what happened to her. How could someone be so cruel to do that to an innocent girl…?"
"…Cruelty is the way of the world, it's how people do most of the time…" Oikawa said in a low, hard voice.
Hajime glanced at him, not quite knowing what to think of this – especially coming from his best friend…
"So, I suppose you saw your father. What did you talk about?"
It took a little while but Hajime told him everything – from his father going to the bakery and their fight (which he had kept secret until now) to the conversation they had had earlier.
"…I should probably tell you but… the other day, when were looking through her stuff, Makki and I… we found some medicine. Anti-depressant… I… we didn't know if we could tell you but…"
Oikawa lowered his head in shame for not telling this earlier. Iwaizumi wasn't even surprised.
"It's fine… I prefer to find out about it now and know why, than worry about it if you had told me right away… Hanamaki too, he didn't know. About Kiku being adopted or… any of that. I initially thought he knew and had kept it a secret from us but, he just didn't know. I don't know if I should be glad she told me the truth or not… I'm scared that it might have changed things between Kiku and I."
"It probably did," Oikawa said with a sad smile, earning a panicked look from his friend, "She's trusting someone, and the man she likes, for the first time in her life. She told you everything about her past and her fears. You're shaken up and it's normal. It'd be strange if it doesn't change things between you two but… don't worry too much about it. In the worst case scenario, there won't be any more secret or awkwardness and you'll just be your usual silly-selves who keep pining without taking action. In the best case scenario… it got you closer. It bonded you more than months, or even years of dating could have done."
Suddenly, Tooru opened his arms wide, grinning happily. His unexpected outburst of joy had almost made Hajime jump.
"Think like Kiku-chan! Think positive! It can only get better for you two!" He exclaimed enthusiastically.
Hajime hesitated, thinking carefully on what he had said before smiling a little.
"Thanks… for being here for me…" He said with a little nod.
"That's what best friends are for, right~?" Oikawa answered with a bright smile, "Ah, speaking of best friends… Kiku-chan's made an appearance."
Hajime stared at him, confused until Oikawa pulled out his phone and showed him a message from Yuuna.
Tell that best friend of yours for me: "congratulation for doing exactly what you shouldn't have. Thank you for breaking Kiku's heart, dickhead."
"I think I can feel some animosity and bitterness in this message," Oikawa commented with a smile.
But Hajime took the phone and his hands and reread the message times and times again before looking up. The phone slipped from his hands, almost falling on the floor if Oikawa didn't have the reflex to catch it in time before it'd get crushed.
"I-Iwa-chan! Be careful!" he exclaimed.
"I… I broke her heart…? I… made… I fucked up…" Hajime murmured, eyes wide in panic.
"You always do that anyway, Kiku-chan never held it back against you – it can't be that terrible!" Oikawa said, trying to stay positive.
"N-no! You don't get it! I…"
Hajime let his face fall into his hands, thinking back on what he had done and said. They had argued. What an idiot – he had argued with Kiku just because his pride had been hurt she hadn't trusted him earlier without considering how hard it had been for her to actually open up! He had hurt her! He had broken her heart! The one thing he didn't want to do and he had done it beautifully well!
"I have to talk to her, to see her, to apologize, to–"
"Waah! Hold on, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa exclaimed, grabbing his arm before he'd run out of the apartment, "Give her some time! Yuu-chan… is just pissed by how things turned out but you know Kiku-chan, she won't hold it against you, she'll forgive you! What you said, just like what she said, was because you were hurt and angry!"
"B-but…! Kiku… she needs someone, she's all alone and I hurt her and– and she's fragile, she needs my help and–"
"Iwa-chan. Kiku has her family, she has Yuu-chan. They're here for her and right now… I don't think seeing you is the best option. You're both still shaken up, so you both need time to breathe and relax before facing each other. And just because Kiku-chan is fragile… doesn't mean she needs someone's help, or specifically yours. I'm not saying you should leave her all alone when she'll feel down but… she's faced such break-downs for years. And right now she's feeling down because of you, so… give her time. Give yourself time too… okay?"
Oikawa didn't let go of his arm until, despite the trembling of his body, Iwaizumi lowered his head and nodded.
"…Okay…"
"Makki is keeping an eye on what's going on anyway. If anything happens, he'll warn us."
Hajime couldn't help but think back on what his father had told him – Kiku was depressed, suffered ptsd and was suicidal… If the one person she had trusted had turned his back no her – how was she feeling? He had been atrocious, he… he hurt her most when he claimed he wanted to protect her. How lame. How stupid, how…
"…zumi! Iwaizumi!"
Receiving a slap behind the head, he was brought back on earth by Oikawa who stared at him, a little worried to see his friend so unlike himself…
"Worrying will do you nothing. Tomorrow, you'll see Kiku again and you'll apologize for what you did and said, then, you'll talk things through. Okay?"
Iwaizumi nodded once again. This day, Oikawa didn't leave his side to make sure he wouldn't overreact or make another mistake. They ended up falling asleep with their phones in their hands, in case of they received anything from Hanamaki…
The following day, Aoba Jousai High-school…
He hated Monday. Monday meant no practice. No practice meant waiting until the beginning of class to see Kiku. He hated this Monday especially because the teacher had entered the classroom and Kiku hadn't showed up yet.
Hajime's leg was tapping nervously, his hands didn't stop moving and he didn't even try to hide when he pulled out his phone to text his friends. He asked everyone on the volleyball team and people he knew if they had seen Kiku but everyone had the same answer.
No. She wasn't here.
Nanami had said Kiku would be back on Monday – but in-between, he had messed up by leaving her alone when she needed him! Hanamaki assured him that everything had seemed fine and that he had gone twice to ask Kiku's parents how she was and that they had said she'd be back to school but… but he had no more clue. What if she had gone to school but ended up refusing to see him? What if she had a break-down before reaching the school? He should have gone to accompany her and make sure she'd be fine…
Holding his head in his hands desperately, Hajime breathed heavily, finally understanding what Shouta and his father had meant.
"Figure out if you're willing to share this burden with her."
"It's not going to be easy, dating her. It's a terrible thing to go through, but it can be even worse for the people around. I don't want you to have any illusion that with Kiku you'll have a good and happy relationship, however long it might last."
They weren't even dating, they were just friends. But he was crushed in worry and fear and guilt… If Kiku and him had anything, ever… he'd spend the entire time of their relationship worrying for her – he'd spend the rest of his life like that.
"Kiku probably wants to protect you, she doesn't you to feel this burden."
And yet… Hajime had been selfish to the point of being angry at her for not trusting him before when… once again, she had put others, him, first…
I'm sorry, Kiku… Please come and let me apologize… Please, please, please…!
The long minutes, turning into hours until the break were agonizingly slow. The second it rang, Hajime stood up and hurried, almost running to the teachers' room. He entered and quickly found the person he was looking for.
"Coach!" He called, hurrying to him.
Irihata looked up and didn't even seem surprise to see the Ace here.
"Kiku… Akiyama-san… she… where is she?" He asked, voice tight in worry.
The coach sighed, closing his eyes before he answered the young man:
"Don't worry. She's fine. She's just taking another day off. She needs it after… look, I know she told you the truth so, give her time, okay?"
"B-but… if she were fine, she would be here!" He exclaimed, not realizing he was being rude to his coach but he didn't seem to mind.
"Iwaizumi… she's not fine but that's what I was told to tell you so you don't worry, but her ptsd and trauma were triggered just by meeting your father – telling you everything right after… it didn't do any good. She needs time to get over all the bad memories, okay? She'll be back in no time and you'll go back to endless pining yet again…" He sighed, rolling his eyes.
Hajime stared at him, stunned by the truth. He was glad his coach had been honest to tell him what was happening to Kiku – but he hated knowing her going through dark times on her own.
"What can I do?" He asked.
Shocked by this question, Irihata stared at him with wide eyes. It was so unexpected, he didn't actually have an answer…
"I… I'm not sure you can do anything as it is. Wait for her return. It's the best thing to do." he answered.
Iwaizumi clenched his jaw – he knew his coach was probably right but… he hated feeling so useless after everything that had happened. If Kiku had opened up to him – it wasn't so she'd deal with it alone, right? If he knew, he needed to be by her side and help her out.
"Get lunch and try to relax, will you?" Irihata said, patting his shoulder.
Understanding the conversation was over, Iwaizumi turned around and walked back to his classroom. His friends were waiting for him here, they immediately noticed him looking down and probably feeling even worse.
"I just saw coach… he said she needed time…" He mumbled, knowing that they were worried too – but nowhere nearly as much as he was.
They glanced at each other, not quite knowing how to comfort him.
The afternoon went by even slower than the morning. It was actual torture but unlike the morning, Hajime didn't have anything to look forward for – once the clock would ring… what would he do? Go to the bakery and see Kiku? Go home directly? Summon his inner Oikawa to whine about his life?
By the end of the afternoon, he had decided he'd to the bakery to bring his notes for Kiku and if he could see her… to apologize and talk… it'd be even better.
"Do you want me to go with you?" Oikawa asked as they walked out of the building.
"No… you have a date with Marika, right?"
"But you're more important than her. You need support and comfort and… and I know I suck at being a supporting friend but… I'm here, you know?" He continued.
"…Don't let Marika hear you say that. She's your girlfriend, you should cherish her more." Iwaizumi said even though he knew that the reason why Oikawa had said that was because he wasn't in love with her.
"At least go with Makki! He said he had to drop a paper to the teachers' room! He'll be here soon and–"
"Iwaizumi! Oikawa!"
Just as his name was mentioned, Hanamaki arrived running like crazy, followed closely by Mattsun. Oikawa and Iwaizumi turned around, stunned to see them running and screaming their names like that but the moment Hanamaki arrived, he grabbed Iwaizumi's shoulders, breathing hard after his running.
"H-hospital!" He exclaimed in between panting, "Kiku! She's at the hospital!"
Hajime's blood ran cold, his eyes widening as he stared at his two friends breathing hard.
"We just heard coach on the phone! That's what he said!" Hanamaki continued, "You should go! NOW!"
Not quite knowing what to do but knowing that Kiku needed him now, Hajime only nodded sheepishly. Realizing he was too shocked to react, Oikawa took the matters in hands. He grabbed his shoulders and spun him around, pushing him forward.
"Go! Now! Iwa-chan! We'll join you as soon as these two can breathe again!" He ordered.
"R-right… Right!" He exclaimed, starting to run.
The moment Iwaizumi arrived at the bus stop, he thanked the heavens that there was a bus and he didn't have to wait for one. He jumped in and cursed the time it took with the circulation of cars – why was it today that there was so much traffic?!
Kiku needed him now… What had happened that she'd go to the hospital?! Did she have another break-down, worse than the others? Did she… could she have hurt herself…? What if it was something really big? What if she had made a terrible mistake she couldn't come back from? What if it was already too late?!
He glanced up anxiously, realizing that the bus was practically not moving at this point. As soon as it stopped at a bus stop, he jumped down and started running – he wasn't that far away from the hospital anymore, he'd go faster this way. He ran faster than he ever did, his legs hurting and his lungs burning. Seeing the big, gray building of the hospital, despite the way his heart squeezed in fear, he accelerated.
Please, please…! Don't take her from me…! Don't take her from me! I didn't get the chance to tell her anything! I still have so many things to tell her!
He arrived at the entrance and stopped just long enough to read the panels – but he had no idea where to go. Emergency? Perhaps he–
Glancing up, he froze upon seeing Kiku walking out of the building. She was looking down, she hadn't noticed him but… but she was walking, she was physically fine, she wasn't dead!
"Kiku…" He breathed, taking a hesitant step towards her – perhaps he was hallucinating, but no, she were here, she was real and… "Kiku!"
She looked up, stunned to hear her name and… this voice. She looked up just as Hajime ran to her and before she had time to realize what was happening, he hugged her. They almost fell over from how strongly he caught her. Both of their hearts beat fast and strong – even if they had spent the last few days sad and worrying for the other, the moment they were together, everything seemed fine. It wasn't as if nothing had happened – they knew what had happened, what had been revealed, but it simply didn't matter. They were together, it was all that mattered.
Then, Kiku stopped breathing, eyes wide as she took in the power of the hug. It wasn't the comforting hugs from Yuuna, it wasn't a motherly hug from Nanami, or even the awkward hug from Shouta… It wasn't the half-hug he had given her back at the SPCA, this time there was no softness or awkwardness in his hug. It was strong and confident, as if he needed her against him as much as she needed him right now. Her body fit perfectly against Hajime's. His strong arms surrounded her and kept her close and he had hidden his face in her neck. They were close, so close, his warmth was all she was aware of, she could feel his frenetic heartbeat against her chest – or maybe it was hers? Their hearts seemed to beat to their rhythm, to the same melody… he hugged her even closer, his nose brushing her neck as he breathed hard. He was shaking, his entire body was trembling as if he had been scared to lose her. She wanted to say his name, but… but her voice was missing. She was too shocked to move or say a thing, barely realizing what was going on. The only thing she could sense was Hajime, and the strength of his feelings as he hugged her as if it was their last day on Earth.
"I'm not leaving!" He exclaimed against her neck, "I'm not leaving you! Ever!"
Kiku's eyes widened. Tears made her eyes shine as her lips trembled.
"I-I've acted like an idiot for getting angry. I was hurt and talked in anger but I should have thought of you instead of my own person! I-I'm so sorry b-but now I get it! I understand you… Kiku…" He whispered, closing his eyes and keeping her even closer to him, "I might not understand how you feel all the time, and I'll need you to tell me what to do at times… but… but… I'm not leaving you alone. Ever again, you'll always have me by your side! Do you hear? I'm not leaving you alone! Ever, ever, ever! You'll never be alone again! I'll always be here, I'm not leaving you!"
He sounded desperate, as if he was the one who needed her to never leave his side – but perhaps that now… it might be the case. He wouldn't bear to not have her smile, her laugh, her brightness in his life.
Not hearing anything from Kiku, he was about to move to look into her eyes, at her face and repeat again and again and again until she understood he wouldn't leave her that he was in her life, and she was in his, and he would stay. But then, Kiku's tremblings hands reached up. She grabbed his shirt. She made a little whining sound and he felt her fall against him, hiding her face in his chest, crying silently and a relieved smile on her face… His heart sped up to know that she was accepting him as much as he accepted her – burden, pain, ptsd and everything coming along… He smiled, relieved and happy, as he hugged her even closer.
"I'm here… I'm not leaving… never…" He whispered tenderly.
He kissed her temple and they closed their eyes as she cried silently, holding onto him as much as he held onto her. He kept repeating soft words in a quiet voice, words only she could hear, words destined to her and only her… It wasn't a wild and passionate declaration, but the murmurs filled with love were just as comforting for both of them.
Whatever people might say, whatever obstacle they'd have to face… they weren't alone anymore. They were together.
The following day, for morning practice…
Most of the team arrived in the same time, some more excited than others but not at the perspective of practice, and found the changing-room's door already opened.
"Iwa-chan!"
"Iwaizumi!"
"What happened yesterday?!"
In the middle of changing, Iwaizumi startled and turned towards his friends, flushing a little in embarrassment.
After the long and intense hug and soft whispers of comfort he had given Kiku… he had finally taken notice of Shouta standing just two meters away from them. He had been waiting for Kiku to drive her back home when the high-schooler had suddenly showed up out of nowhere and hugged his daughter, screaming what sounded an awful lot like a proposal (in his point of view of protective, doting father). Turning into a blushing, confused mess, Hajime didn't quite realize what was going on until Shouta drove him home and Kiku waved at him from the car window. He didn't even remember telling him where he lived. The moment he had arrived, he had collapsed on his bed and fallen asleep, overwhelmed by emotions – which was why Oikawa was as clueless as everyone else (meanwhile, Hajime's mother started to really worry because he kept falling asleep without eating dinner – Takashi assured her he was just being the usual love-struck teenager but it didn't keep her from worrying).
"U-um…"
"WELL! Say it!"
"We want to know! EVERYTHING!"
"Is Akiyama-senpai coming back or… does no one care about that?" Yahaba asked hesitantly, not quite understanding why his senpai were so excited about their manager being sick and their Ace being here?
"Kiku should be here today," Iwaizumi answered with a joyful smile.
Everyone smiled back, relief obvious – until Oikawa grabbed his friend and shook his shoulders to get answers, by force if necessary!
"SO! What happened?! What did you do? What did you say? What did she say?!" He shouted.
"O-oi! C-calm down!" Iwaizumi exclaimed, pushing him off to answer without biting his tongue off with how strongly he was shaking him, "I-I found Kiku at the entrance of the hospital… and we… well…"
He blushed, everyone waiting impatiently to know what had happened. They held their breaths as Iwaizumi finally said what they wanted to hear:
"…I told her everything I needed to say… a-and we hugged… for a very, very long time… and she even smiled when I left her…" He said with a love-struck (read: stupid – according to Makki) expression on his face.
"…But what did you say exactly?" Matsukawa asked, everyone getting confused because it didn't seem like much.
"That I would never leave her and I would always be by her side…" He answered, blushing even more.
There was a stunned silent. They had expected a big confession with tears of joy and the strong Ace carrying their manager bridal style. They had expected something worthy of the most cheesy of romantic movies.
"…Is that it? But, reassure me, you also confessed – you're dating now, right?" Hanamaki asked, eyes widening – and he had tried so hard the previous day to give them the right push!
They all felt their hopes being crushed when Hajime's eyes widened and his cheeks turned redder than ever.
"C-confes…! N-no! I-I couldn't! I didn't! I wouldn't! N-not NOW! I-it's just so… so!" He stammered pathetically at the mere idea of confessing his feelings to Kiku.
Hanamaki actually tried to step towards him, but was held back by Mattsun before he'd do something he'd regret. Or something that might send him to jail.
"…It was the golden opportunity! You just had to say "I'm in love with you, be my girlfriend!" Damn it! How can it be so hard?! Now you'll waste even more time pining like cursed lovers or something! Just get on with it, damn it!" Hanamaki hissed.
"B-but! I couldn't ruin the moment!" Iwaizumi exclaimed.
"Ruin the– he… he was afraid to ruin the moment. I'm going to kill him. After trying so hard to get you together, the moment you have the perfect timing, the perfect opportunity to confess… you…! YOU! ARRGGH!" Hanamaki shouted, grabbing his hair to not actually try a murder.
Hajime just looked confused before he frowned, still clueless…
"Wait… I was supposed to confess…?" He whispered.
"YES!" They all shouted, groaning in despair.
"Let me resume the situation." Oikawa suddenly spoke up, raising his hands and attracting everyone's attention on him, "You basically gave Kiku-chan a vow of eternal love… without actually confessing or taking the chance to ask her to be your girlfriend?"
"…I-I wouldn't call it a vow of etern– but, y-yeah… that's… that sums it up pretty well…" He admitted, a little embarrassed to be so clueless.
"…Iwa-chan. You are the biggest idiot in the universe."
"OI! SAY THAT AGAIN!" He shouted angrily, being the one to try to kill someone this time.
BONUS
[As Hanamaki is catching up his breath, the news that Kiku is at the hospital has made Iwaizumi run off as fast as possible…]
"R-right… Right!" He exclaimed, starting to run to get to the bus.
Hanamaki held onto Oikawa, slowly breathing again while the setter leaned down with a knowing look on his face, Iwaizumi already out of view.
"…Why did you send him to the hospital exactly?" He asked suspiciously.
"Kiku really is at the hospital!" He exclaimed, frowning, before adding, "…For a quick check-up with her psychologist…"
Oikawa sighed, hands on his hips.
"Iwa-chan is going to think of so many possibilities, the more time he'll spend thinking about it, the darker he'll think… He might go directly to the morgue."
"At least, he's going to her, it was the push he needed to go to her instead of wondering what he should do," Matsukawa answered with a shrug.
"Right… who knows what he might do, though?"
"He'll thank me later."
"He'll thank you with a punch in the face when he'll understand you lied to him."
"I didn't lie! I just omitted the details!"
They stared at him accusingly, knowing that it wasn't something Iwaizumi would appreciate. He's had enough fear and worry to last him a lifetime – he'll start getting white hair at this rhythm.
"In all cases, by tomorrow! They'll finally be dating! Let's get ready for an overwhelming amount of sweet nothings…" Hanamaki exclaimed, not that enthusiast about the overly sweet behavior.
"Finally…" Oikawa and Mattsun sighed in relief.
…If only they knew how long they'll have to wait to finally say "finally".
I hope you liked this chapter which concludes the arc about Kiku's story, the following arc is, well, what you've been expecting since starting reading this fanfic! ;)
NEXT CHAPTER : MAGICAL MOMENT
Yours Truly,
May