Chapter 43: Conflicted emotions

Takeru nervously gazed at his Yuuko sensei in an awkwardly quiet atmosphere. While the silence was unbearable, the fact that his Yuuko sensei is making coffee for the both of them made the atmosphere unbearably stiffened. Yes, Yuuko of all the people Takeru knew, was busied serving Takeru coffee. This was definitely beyond weird by all mean. Normally, it was First Lt. Elena's task and Kasumi. Therefore, Takeru find himself at a loss of word, unable to make any comment of sort or some how strike up the long overdue confrontation with his Yuuko sensei.

"Drink, it's not like I'm going to feed you poison or anything," Yuuko said, passing Takeru a steamy coffee mug.

"Thank," Takeru received the mug, not without making a retort to lighten up the mood, "It's just that it never cross me that you are the type that do this sort of stuff."

"I do it once in a while, okay?" Yuuko sipped her coffee and made a snappy respond in an effort to boast her superficially low feminine power. Then, Yuuko squinted, "Just take it as a compliment from me. After all, you exceed my expectation more than twice."

"Ummm," Takeru mumbled inwardly, looking underneath Yuuko sensei's words and facial expression and could not detecting any sign of sarcasm. Still, it's hard to swallow this bitter pill from Yuuko especially when she worded it like that. After all, he won the battle until the middle of it and then lost the entire war in the end. He lost.

"Ummm," Takeru repeatedly made the same unintelligible sound inside his throat not knowing any better to say, sipping down the mug of coffee that Yuuko served.

The silence continued for a while as the two slowly drained down their coffee without making any further sound.

"So where should I begin?" Takeru asked, breaking the silence as he was the first one finished the mug.

"How about starting from how did you manage to get that black box out of the XG?" Yuuko suggests inanimately, putting down her half finished coffee mug, pursing her lips. Yuuko's voice and expression was totally lacked of any sort of curiosity as though she has already learned the truth and just wanted to hear the confession from her boy's mouth.

"Well, the week that you visit your elder sister's lab, I did more than just completing the XM3. Well, it's the second time for me and Kasumi after all, it's not going to take us that long to re-produce the XM3 OS. So, once Kasumi and I finished the prototype, we tried to breach it all the way down to the hangar in S9 where you kept the XG hidden."

"I can't believe that you could possibly consider that as an option," Yuuko snorts in a bore tone, "Well, anyway, I should give you an A for effort, also another A for stupidity."

"I underestimated your security setting quite a little bit, I have to admit. But, it was the best opportunity for me to act back then, since you are away from base. But, the problem is that even for someone on Kasumi's level of cracking skill and familiarity with your system design; it would take at least a month or two to crack it down all the way to S9 from this floor level if I am allowed to be optimistic. Anyway, it's not like I had a lot of expectation that this plan would succeed, knowing you are the one behind all those security setting. Still, it wouldn't hurt to try it anyway."

"Seriously!?" Yuuko sighed, rolling her eyes.

Takeru can't tell from that expression whether his Yuuko sensei was just tired of listening to obvious his explanation or actually cursing herself for being caught off guard by someone who capable of such idiocy of a feat.

Takeru tried tuning his mind to that Yuuko's wavelength and felt somewhat lethargy. Knowing that it is useless and still doing it, that makes him a huge idiot, such was Yuuko's opinion. Though, it was quite different for Takeru on his end. He has figured that it would be not so easy to get through Yuuko's security from the beginning since he was involved with the XG since the last loop. Still, he tried anyway, even if the chance of success is indefinitely close to zero. It's worth a try for him at least, after all it was Yuuko who he fought against. Any method, any idea would worth at least some merit since Takeru has totally no idea which one would have a chance against Yuuko, if not any.

"As for the second attempt, you have probably guessed how I did that without triggering any suspicion from anyone," Takeru sighed, "Sensei, do you still remember the first day I walked into this room? I did mention about the XG. It was meant for my back up plan in the case I failed the first one. I have told you that the XG's design is flaw back then. Knowing that you would take my TSF piloting ability into account, that comment coming from me must sound either like a blatant lie or … I was somehow tricked into thinking so during the time I piloted the XG. And obviously, you are more or less detecting that I must have concealed some sort of truth from you, but you can't denying either possibilities. With that, surely, you would call out for a thorough overhaul on the XG just in case the XG has already been sabotaged."

Yuuko thinly smiled, slightly shaking her head left and right. She apparently appeared to be quite amused with her boy. She knew all along that he was no muscle brain but she didn't quite expect him to be this crafty of a person.

"Those technicians from the Lockweed Co that responsible for the XG were after all employed by that old Yoroi, so well, I had that old spy did a little work for me during the coup d'état in exchange with a couple of information. It's freebee. You don't have to worry about it would have any consequence on your plan. I'm not that stupid or trusting to let that old man into your plan without consulting you first. Anyway, since I know that you trust him quite a lot regarding his ability and yet you avoid him like plague at the same time. It was quite easy for him to register me and Sumika as a part of the XG fixing team with a little paper work. Besides, you were very occupied by the coup d'état back then and had to prepare ton of things, it was a perfect opportunity for me to act," Takeru shrugged his shoulders as he talked.

Then Takeru wryly smiled, realizing just simply mentioning the name of Mikoto's old man could bring about a distasteful expression on Yuuko. He proceeded recounting regardless, "And well, since the old Yoroi has helped pulling our paper, Sumika and I just had to deal with the security system. And obviously, you know just how easy it is for Sumika to do that. It took her lesser than 5 minutes to do that, completing the entire feat that would take me at least years or months for Kasumi. Honestly, she is just as ridiculous as ever."

"As I have expected, you have already realized what she is capable of since back then," Yuuko curved her lips evilly.

"Well, yes, I did. But, if I am allowed to excuse, the one accident about that idiot Sumika accidentally slipping with her hacking work was not within my comprehension. I mean who in the right mind would make such a slip like that. I know that she was stupid but I didn't expect her to be that stupid," Takeru resignedly raised his hands up, "Well, the rest, I had to do it on my own. Since that idiot Sumika is obviously technology illiterate and freaking clumsy, I just can't ask her to extract the black box for me. Using the uniform of the XG maintenance team, I was able to do what I need to do during off-duty hours. Of course, it was no easy task. You know, even dismantling a TSF is not nearly that hard and complicated and, I had to do it little by little at night very carefully without leaving a trace while attending the A01's morning training during the trial week. I was really worried that I wouldn't able to cut it by the time you fake the BETA invasion. It was almost like the last minute for me."

"Indeed, I'm surprise that you can actually pull it off," Yuuko complimented, plucking her lips to a thin smile.

"You don't say," Takeru laugh wryly. He was expecting sarcasm from Yuuko herself, not this, not this kind of nonchalant and genuine compliment.

"So how do you intend to wrap this up?" Yuuko questioned, suddenly changed to her serious mode.

"Before that, please give me a second," Takeru said, walking toward Yuuko's desk and start digging up her files.

"What are you doing?"

"Just a second" Takeru signalled with one hand, still digging up Yuuko's overdue files on the case of the XG-4d with another. He dug down to the bottom of the column of folders and dragged out an envelope.

"Originally, I intended to have this message pass on to you sensei in the case I could not return… Either 1st Lt. Elena or Kasumi would find this once they perform a weekly clean up," Takeru tore the envelope lit, picking out a neatly written letter and squeezed it into a ball and shove it into his pant pocket. "Here, it's late but well, I want you to have this," he then passed Yuuko the opened envelope.

Yuuko received the envelope, turning it upside down and reflexively caught the rectangle object slipping out of the envelope.

"With this, ALTERNATIVE IV is already completed. Sensei, it's in your able hand from now on," Takeru said, bowing his head.

"…"

"It is what you think it is," Takeru said, feeling Yuuko's questioning stare on his bowed back without lifting his head. He understood that his Yuuko sensei has already caught on to the importance of the thumb drive he gave her.

"Just when I finally think that you have a brain inside that head of your," Yuuko sighed, speaking in an impassive voice, "You nitwit."

Takeru smiled sadly in response, conceding without making a noise. He too, thought that he was definitely a brutally stupid guy for giving Yuuko such item for free.

What lie on Yuuko hand at the moment is the ultimate objective of the entire ALTERNATIVE project from its very foundation. Every single intelligence data that was obtained about the BETA, their numbers, their ecology, their background, their ultimate objective that Shirogane Takeru have ever obtained was stored inside the drive. It's the one and only completed Valkyries file that he Takeru has compiled in this world, the most completed jigsaw puzzle about the mosaic that was the BETA. The other two copies given to Yuuhi and Ikaruga were incomplete and only covered up to the Sadogashima BETA's information. To Takeru, this copy of the Valkyries file worth is far more than anything he could ever offer, not his own life, not the XM3.

The XM3 itself is a tide-turning invention, however, is a short term in the anti- BETA warfare. It wouldn't take long for the BETAs themselves to evolve and adapt to the new change just like they once did. On the other hand, this completed Valkyries file has a long and lasting effect in this war if used in the correct manner. Tsun su has said "Knowing yourself, knowing your enemy, hundreds battles, hundreds victories." Hundreds victories, if not decisive victories, this Valkyries file definitely has that kind of power.

Takeru had long intended to use this disk as a mean for negotiation with Yuuko. It was his initial intention. He almost believed that he can follow it until the end. However, as he thought carefully about it, and he did, thinking about this little thumb drive from time to time after completing it. Even after received the encourage from Yuuhi to find his own path no matter how much he has to dirty his hand, he still couldn't do it. The Valkyries file was not his, so he believed. He was the one constructed it, completing it, but still, it's not his. He believed that he has no right or whatsoever in using this single thumb drive as a bargaining chip.

Why? Takeru named it himself the Valkyries file for a very good reason. Every piece of this complete jigsaw puzzle that was obtained was made in exchange of the sacrifices made by the Valkyries. Being a Valkyries, what more, the sole survivor, the last of the Valkyries during the previous loop, passing the Valkyries file to Yuuko was not up to Takeru to negotiate, it was his duty. So, Takeru has sworn inside his heart, making sure that he would never ever succumb to any temptation of using the Valkyries file for himself.

Deep inside, Takeru believed that he was a hypocrite and a betrayer.

He was someone's hope, someone's hero and someone's saviour. And he did, faithfully lived up to that in the past, until he decided to set the hellfire of war upon the world that he saved. Still, he was donning the hero mantle on both ends of his shoulders. That made him a hypocrite, he believed.

He might have betrayed himself for who he once was, however, Shirogane Takeru was still Shirogane Takeru. He is who he was, the person who was shaped not by his determination alone but by the people around him.

Marimo died, believing that he was the one, the one who would bring about the dream that she could not fulfil. Then, she died again, protecting him. After that Captain Isumi died, allowing him just enough time to protect Sumika and everyone else during the assault on the Sadogashima Hive. Suzumiya Haruka died, succeeding relaying the message so that he could complete the mission to protect the base. Hayase died, putting an end to the BETA invasion and saving his life. Then, after that, it was his old squad and then Meiya, exchanging their lives to make sure he would return to Yuuko alive and victorious with the information they had collected up to that point. By turning the world backward for another time, this time intentionally, he trampled on everyone's efforts and sacrifices to protect this world, a betrayer he was.

It was never about the survivor guilt. It was never about being afraid to face with the guilt he harboured, Takeru has understood on an instinctive level ever since he planned to go against Yuuko. He didn't afraid of facing his guilt.

Shirogane Takeru is a Valkyrie. He continually telling himself that he might be a failure of a Valkyries but still, he was a Valkyries and he still is a Valkyrie. He would complete the duty given to him without fail, regardless the cost. Therefore, Takeru concluded that his life was the only thing he could wager. That was the least he could do for everyone who died for him, protected him, guided him. That was the least he could do, being a member of Isumi's Valkyries.

The thumb drive was meant to be delivered to Yuuko along with his testament. In the case he failed to return, the testament would be much more persuasive to Yuuko since it was something like a plea. And knowing Yuuko being Yuuko, she would at least allow it to happen.

But, it didn't end that way, Takeru survived through the entire shenanigan. And Takeru's testament therefore, lost its power. Takeru has lost every single advantage over Yuuko. But still, Takeru knew he didn't give the disk to Yuuko for nothing. He has calculated that much, a fool he was, but definitely, he was no ordinary fool.

"Speak, what do you really want? I will see to it if it's doable. You didn't fight against me until now just to give it up like this right?"

Yuuko asked, edged in her voice.

Takeru has expected that much of a reply from Yuuko, knowing Yuuko's pride, knowing Yuuko's personality, still, the way Yuuko said it surprise Takeru.

Was there a reason for her to be that angry? Was there any reason for her to look that vexed? While Yuuko didn't bother keeping up her poker face against Takeru, she has no reason to lose her temper like this. Even it was very subtle, the tinge of anger within Yuuko's voice, it meant a lot in its own way. Takeru kept questioning himself whether or not he missed something or perhaps said something he shouldn't. Then, he decided not to. Yuuko was as mind boggled as she ever can be. He can spend years after years thinking about each and every tiny bit of what's inside her mind without a single conclusion.

"About that…" Takeru hesitated, wondering whether he should ask Yuuko regarding why she felt angry, then shook his head, "…it doesn't matter." Takeru bent down, suddenly without making any explanation, lean toward Yuuko, shamelessly running his hand through Yuuko's dress.

Yuuko was slow to react, standing still with the thumb drive in one hand. Before Yuuko could react, Takeru has already stepped back with Yuuko's handgun in his hand.

Takeru cocked the hammer in a dreadful silence, then point the gun's muzzle at Yuuko's forehead, "Not once, but twice, you asked me to do this, to judge you of your crime. I know it's very unfair for me to state it as such since you haven't done anything of sort yet, yet. But you did, you certainly did and you will most probably do in the near future. Ever since the day you complete the 00 unit, you said that your mission is done, the rest is mine. Since then, every time we had a big talk, you handed me this gun and asked of me to shoot you."

Yuuko stared meaningfully at Takeru without blinking, putting down the thumb drive on her working table.

"But since you have not done it yet," Takeru flicked his wrist around, spinning the gun in the air then catching it by the muzzle, "It's you who deserve the right to judge this time. It's not me," Takeru grabbed Yuuko's freehand firmly, putting it on the grip and adjust the muzzle at his own forehead.

"Sensei, you do not tolerate a traitorous dog. That, I have always understood... If my knowledge of future is the only thing that prevent you from punishing me, now that you have the Valkyries file, it's the time. There is no further reason for you to keep a treacherous dog at your side," Takeru announced, tightened his clutch on Yuuko's hand as he used his thumb to guide Yuuko's index finger to the trigger.

"What kind of joke is this?" Yuuko asked icily in return, completely unaffected.

"You don't want to shoot me?"

"Why would I?"

"Well, I bit your hand, tricked you and definitely a thorn on your path now more than ever, what more, I have totally run out of my use now."

"A thorn?" Yuuko snorted, "Don't flatter yourself. You are nothing but a pebble on the road," Yuuko extended her thumb over the hammer to re-engage the lock to take the full control over the situation, and then snatched her gun back.

"You might one day regret this very decision," Takeru spat, still inciting Yuuko to shoot him.

"Shooting you is the most inefficient decision ever. Instead, I will work you to dead."

"Greedy woman,"

"I believe that you have long known about that," Yuuko pursed her lips and shrugged.

"Well then, if nothing else, I will leave," Takeru bit his lower lip and sighed.

"Don't you have anything else to say? I have told you that I would allow it if it is within my boundary. So, out with it," Yuuko squinted her eyes, pressing on the matter.

Takeru pressed his thumb and index finger on his chin, thinking for a moment and gave his reply, "My head is not quite in the right condition right now. I would like some time to reconstruct my thought properly, if I am allowed to, of course"

"If that's that," Yuuko did not seem to be convinced, nonetheless, gave a small nod, "Go, don't waste my time."

Takeru bowed his head, heading out of the office, still with his gaze casting down to the floor, dejected.

"Why would I give you this gun?"

Just as Takeru finally stepped out of the room, Yuuko's voice caught him by surprise.

Takeru turned only to see Yuuko's back as she has already plugged in the thumb drive, started working on the Valkyries file. It seemed to Takeru that Yuuko avoided looking at him as she brought upon this topic.

"I don't know sensei. I have thought so long about that. You are never the type to do something as meaningless as that, since you know very well that I could never pull that trigger against you no matter what…" Takeru stared at Yuuko's slender and lonely back, then, started casting his gaze upward at the ceiling, "But if I had to guess, Marimo chan is the main factor. She's killed, right in front of me. A Venator did that. It killed her right in front of my eyes as I stood watching."

Takeru clenched his fists hard, squeezing his knuckle pale white as the very image of his worst nightmare resurrected within his mind. Resurrected was not quite the correct word, perhaps, because that very image was always there, deep within Shirogane Takeru's mind, lingering and haunting him at every chance it had. There had not a day went by that he forgot about it. He has not forgotten how his consciousness turn blank white seeing that monster chewed on Marimo. He has not forgotten how a 33mm shell hit, saving his very insignificant life, yet at the same time, turned his world in a crimson despair by killing Marimo killer and at the same time destroy what left of Marimo. Takeru endured the nausea rising upon his throat, staring at Yuuko's back, waiting to hear her response. Takeru waited, hoping Yuuko would say something, just anything of sort, so that he could not what's in her mind. But none came, no reply, nothing, only the clacking sound of Yuuko's finger hitting against her keyboard. Angry at himself and at Yuuko, Takeru clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms, using his physical pain to shut down his invisible emotional pain. He then closed the door as his gaze still fixed upon Yuuko's slender back until the very last moment, clinging so desperately to all but a false hope. Takeru stood, staring at what separating him and Yuuko, the door to her office. Sometimes, it opened and it felt like he was connected to her, he felt like he could somehow understand her. And sometimes, the door barred shut, rejecting everything.

Takeru walked away with his feet dragging behind, his head cast down in disappointment. He saw Yuuko's anger, her hesitation within that perfect makeup that Yuuko always adorned and took it as an opportunity. He has tried to initiate it by pointing Yuuko's gun at his head to make her understand or at least try to comprehend about what he's been through. But no, Yuuko deflected it like she always was, the way Takeru has inwardly expected. That's why, to speak further than that, pressing further into the topic this day would be useless.

XXXXXXXX

Meiya breathed in then held her breath as she adjusted her main camera, zooming at multiple aircrafts coming over her direction from the horizon. Thirteen transporting air cargo-planes flied in trailer formation along with six escorting TSFs, six Takemikazuchi units to be exact.

"What could be in those cargoes?" Meiya breathed out quietly, staring at the images captured in her HUD.

It was just a large scale military air delivery, almost too ordinary and common among the UN army nowadays. However, the appearance of the six escorting Takemikazuchi units meant nothing but serious business. And somehow, Meiya had a strange premonition of the content of those air cargoes. Meiya proceeded to observe the cargoes and their escorts with watchful eyes as they landed on the runaway.

The delivery troops then began to finish all the necessary procedure before unpacked their cargoes. It took longer than expected. Normally, it would take less than an hour. But this time, it was more than two hours. Of course, the previous BETA invasion was still fresh from everyone's mind. It was rumoured that that entire incident was no incident but actually a sabotage attempt to steal some classified experimental products inside Yuuko's lab. In the end, when all the custom procedures finished, twelve trailers moved to the unpacked cargo planes.

Meiya immediately held her breathe and let out a small gasp. She wore a complicated expression as she watched first package being loaded out from the air cargoes. Even when the package was covered carefully in a large grey sheet, the shape of its content was vividly noticeable. It's a TSF and it's not just any regular TSF. The machine that was being loaded to the trailer was a Takemikazuchi unit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

The mettle with Yuuko was still there, left hanging, but there is nothing I can do about it. I need to wait until for the right moment and right opportunity to settle it. As I tried to forget about that for moment, Marimo came to mind and I decided to pay her a visit. I was told Marimo was inside the ICU ward since she has just gone through a difficult operation. I immediately headed for the hospital ward, looking.

I found myself surprise for being able to not cry by the time I saw Marimo chan. I came, expecting that, however, surprisingly, I didn't shred a drop. My inside was a mess. I had no idea what inside my head at all, whether it was guilt, sadness, anger, relief or a bit of everything mixed altogether. It was like nothing else I have gone through. I stood next to Marimo's bed for a long while, staring at Marimo's injured figure with my fists clenched.

An IV bag hanged on the top left of Marimo's bed, connecting to Marimo's left arm through a transparent line. She was badly injured, underneath her green patient gown, gauzes and bandages wrapped ubiquitously. Even Marimo's face was also in the same condition, bandaged and gauzed around her forehead and chin with tincture of PVP-I.

I stood and watched, unable to mutter a single sob or shred a drop of tear.

I burned into my eyes the very image that implicated of the consequence of my stupidity and betrayal. I could have lost her again, being saved by her and then watching her lost to me another time. If Yuuko was the one who showed me a goal to live and the direction that I should take to reach that goal, Marimo has always been the pillar that relentlessly supported me as I walked toward my goal. And I almost lost her again.

I would not ask Marimo 'why', "Why did you go to such length for me?" No I would not ask her that when she woke up, because I remembered that Marimo has already told me once.

I am no genius, yet people around me kept on telling me that I am one, a once in many centuries kind of genius. But I couldn't get use to it, since I knew that I am no genius. I could easy fail, making unrecoverable mistakes here and there. I felt pressured and burdened just hearing the word genius labelled on my shoulders, not sure how should I react to such label, not sure how I should act. Only Marimo, only her would be there telling me that it's all right, whether I am a genius or not, it's not important at all. If people want to believe that, I should act like that, to give them at least some measure of hope and something to believe. It didn't matter about what choice I need to make or what kind of a person I need to be, I am fine the way I am. I just need to do what I can do. That's good enough. Those words saved me. Those words I would not forget for the rest of my life.

That time, the day I fought against couple of hundred BETAs alone, armed with nothing but rage and paintballs, that day my ego was crushed and I was made to realize that I am no hero, no saviour and not even a genius. I was crushed, physically and emotionally. After all, I begged and cried without shame, for my pitiful life, so desperately clinging to it til the very last moment. I was so afraid of dying back then when the Shiranui shut down and the noise of the Shiranui being tore apart. I knew that I would die and it would not be a painless and quick death. I was very afraid. And when it's over I was incredibly ashamed of it. I just could not face it. It was Marimo chan, it was her who told me that it's alright and that's only normal. She told me even if it was an act that I was not proud at, even if it was something that I found myself ashamed at, she did not, because all it mattered to her was that I survived. All that mattered was that I struggled and lived through it. The only thing that mattered to Marimo at that time was not whether I won or lost, it's my survival. She told me that she was proud and happy that I made through it. And those were her last words.

I wanted to be condemned. I wanted to be hit, to be screamed at, to be punished for Marimo chan's death back then when I watched that Venator killed her. But no matter what, nobody blamed me. They all told me that it's not my fault and I should not torture myself over that thought. But, I could never get over it. I wanted to be blamed for Marimo chan's death and being punished for that. And I believed that in a way, I was indeed punished, because nobody has ever blamed me for Marimo chan's death ever since that day. That was the most unbearable punishment that I have ever gone through, the more I wanted to be condemned and punished for Marimo chan's death, the more people would try to console me, telling me that it's not my fault. I just could not bear that. I was in denial, and chose to run away from everything at that point. This was not my world and I was sicked of fighting. I just wanted to run away. Those were my words to Yuuko and Kasumi before return to the old world. I gave up, on myself, on Yuuko, on my squad, on Marimo's sacrifice and on everything I have ever fought for. I truly wanted to run away at that point, as far as I could, so far that I could forget about everything. However, now I have come to term with it, it didn't seem to be the case. At that time, I just wanted to see Marimo chan again, even if she wasn't the Marimo chan of this world, even if she was a different Marimo chan. I just wanted to see her, telling her that's I'm sorry, telling her that I wanted to see her again. All that I have ever wanted at that time was to see her again. I could care less about anything else.

And Marimo chan was there, in my original world. I launched myself to her bosoms, hugging her and cried, telling her that I am sorry. Those were the only words that I could say the entire time. I knew that I said it to the wrong person and because it was meant for the other Marimo chan, the Marimo chan who has lost to me forever. But still, nonetheless, logic didn't always go along with emotion. I could not think of anything back then, continued burying my head on Marimo's laps and cried for as long as I could remember. Despite not knowing what's going on, Marimo's reply on that day rang inside my chest louder than ever.

"It's fine."

I wanted to deny that so much and yet, I could not. I kept on crying and crying. I wanted to be blame, not consoled like this. The more I hated myself, the more I wanted to tell Marimo to curse at me, the more I cried. I wanted to hug Marimo and cried, and yet at the same time, I truly wanted to be condemned and punished for causing her death. But, other than crying and sobbing on Marimo's laps, I could hardly find the strength for anything else that day. But I didn't understand why, those words had more power than anything in the world at that time. I could not bring myself to rebuke it. I just wanted to hear Marimo saying that and she said it.

As I stood holding Marimo's hand in my palms, I made it clear inside my head that this was the consequence of my action. This was not anyone's fault, not Marimo, not Yuuko, no one. For that, I almost lost her and if that was that, then this time she would lost to me forever this time for good. I am no longer a Casualty Conductor now that my existence has been stabilized in this world. There would be no redo, no going back. It was a one way ticket. If I lost her this time, yet for another time, I would lose her forever.

I stood thinking, how I should greet Marimo when she comes to, what kind of expression I should put on my face, on and on.

I don't care why Marimo risked it, abandoned so many thing she held to go such length, saving me at with such reckless abandon. I cared it no longer. I don't care what the reason is, whether because she believed that I was the one, or because she still regretted about her younger years or anything else. All that matter to me was that Marimo came and save me as she has always done. That was the universal truth for me and I would not let anyone else tarnish it, not anyone or anything, myself especially.

This was the life she saved. I will use it correctly so that it would not belittle Marimo.

I knew, I am being ridiculous and contradicting. After all, I have already vowed to step on anything stand on my way until I reach the goal… I just have to look harder for a way, a method to breakthrough all of this…probably.

For a very long time, I was just silently sitting there, right next to Marimo chan, watching her face, holding her hand until the head nurse came, telling me that the visiting hour was over.

I exited, glancing back at Marimo before heading out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Teams of mechanic ran around, mobile monitors on their hands, maintenance tools in their pockets and trailers, bursting with enthusiasm and a sense of urgent. They attracted more than just little attention from the MPs, guards and officers from the surrounding with their energy. The special hangar reserved to A01 was more busied and lively than ever since the day it first built. It was noisy and crowded, filled with busy mechanics and dozen of curious people.

"What's with all the commotion?"

Takeru asked a pair of mechanics run by as he walked into the hangar.

"Hop in, you should see for yourself Second Lieutenant," the mechanic replied with a quick glance over Takeru's badge.

Takeru jumped into the four-wheeler without raising any question, "Excuse me,"

And then Takeru saw the very reason that made the special hangar look like some wet market, busied and noisy with all sort of argument and commotion.

One, two… twelve, he could count twelve Takemikazuchi painted in obsidian color, standing in their respective parking slots, radiating a daunting aura in the air with their well-polished armour.

Takeru has no recollection regarding these 12 Takemikazuchi being deposited in the special hangar. Aside from Meiya's Type 00R unit, no Takemikazuchi has ever given to the UN army. Also, Takeru has not remembered anything related to this coming from the old spy Yoroi or Yuuhi, and therefore, he was quite bewildered, infected by the commotions around him, marvelling at the twelve Takemikazuchi units, jaw slackened.

"Thanks for the ride," Takeru immediately jumped down the four-wheeler when he saw Captain Isumi along with the older Suzumiya, Hayase, Kazama and Munakata, stood saluting an Imperial Royal Guard officer in red coat in one corner. As Takeru trotted toward the co, he soon realized that the attention slowly shifted toward him when the Royal Guard officer looked over his direction.

"Shirogane," Isumi and the co called out Takeru's name in a mild surprise as they turned their head around.

"Tsukuyomi san," Takeru blurted out, running toward as he realized that it was Tsukuyomi the Imperial Royal Guard officer that Isumi and the co were saluting to, "You have been released," totally forgot the existence of his superiors within vicinity.

Tsukuyomi gave a stern salute, forcing Takeru to return with a late and clumsy salute of his own and then ambushed Takeru with a warm and friendly smile, "It's been a while."

Takeru coughed lightly, surprised that Tsukuyomi could openly smile like that without any sort of formality in front of the other. As his sight wandered, Takeru spotted the scowls on his superiors' face.

Captain Isumi, she had an expression akin to that of a demon thirsting for blood on her face a tenth second before return to her usual business face. First Lieutenant Munakata on the other hand, not even revealed a dent on her masterful poker face, smiling calmly, however, her eyes slanted downward and somehow gave off a dreadful vibe. First Lieutenant Kazama with her half close eyelids, too, was smiling thinly, crossing her arms, exuding an oppressive aura. However, it was the older Suzumiya, Suzumiya Haruka that was the scariest of the bunch. She, too, was smiling beautifully like a sunflower, giving Takeru her greeting without any sort of expression that may imply any ill feeling toward him. Yet, it was her who triggered off the danger alarm inside his head. There is nothing could be more scary than the older Suzumiya's bright smile… if it wasn't for Hayase's demonic scowl.

While the bandaid on her nose and right cheek bone could not diminish the redeeming feature of Hayase's beauty, her murderous anger did. Takeru instinctively blotted out Hayase from his sight, fearing that may be the end of his life but still, could not muster up the audacity to look at Hayase eye to eye. In his mind, Takeru thought that he must really out of his mind, not only did he rebelled against Yuuko, he did cross against the Valkyries. If nothing else, Hayase and Isumi was the one who cleaned up his entire mess. He owed them at least an apologize, quite a big one. Takeru was informed that much by Kasumi, though; he remembered vaguely seeing Hayase saving him in his memory.

Tsukuyomi's tacitly dry cough was what saved Takeru from the criticizing stare. He turned at Tsukuyomi with full attention.

"If you excuse me, I would like to borrow the second lieutenant for a moment. I have a message to deliver," Tsukuyomi politely asked, eyeing at Captain Isumi, not allowing Isumi to decline.

"Of course," Isumi replied, smiling but not without sending Takeru a meaningful look to make sure he would not run away from her once the talk with Tsukuyomi came to an end. And the unspoken message was delivered without fail. A bead of sweat dripping from Takeru's brow was the most convincing evidence that Isumi has ever needed.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The breeze on the hill behind the training field was picking up, chilling but comfortable in a sense.

Sakura trees that planted in two rows on the road lead to the Yokohama UN base has started budding off the season. It's only December, yet some Sakura trees has already died pink with fully bloomed Sakura flowers. These trees were planted here only very recently or so Takeru has heard. They were grown elsewhere before planted here a couple of years ago in an experiment which attempted to rehabilitate the land.

Neither plant nor animal was able to live in this barren land. The desolated hill that Takeru is standing on testified for that, not a blade of grass could grow over the blighted soil. The old Sakura tree stood alone on the desolated hill, dried and alone. The aftermath of the G-bomb or also known as the Fifth dimensional bomb deployed during operation Lucifer was unforgiving. The soil turned inhabitable to plants, animals and wildlife ever since. Only human and BETA, insensitive and almost unaffected by the gravitation contamination of this level could claim master over this blighted land.

"I didn't expect to see you again so soon," Takeru expressed his honest thought with his back turn against the lone dried Sakura tree. White vapour trailed in the air briefly as Takeru smiled.

"I can't afford to stay locked up forever, can I?"

"Sorry, you took it upon yourself for what I should have bear responsibility instead. Also, thank you for what you did during the coup d'état, I am incredibly grateful for that," Takeru bowed apologetically, expressing his sincere reflection.

"It's me who should be thanking you instead. I'm grateful that you have protected Her Highness and aiding Meiya sama. Also, It's only a trivial convenience for me since you have already cleared up everything for me," Tsukuyomi gallantly said, putting behind of all sort of harsh treatments she has gone through thanks to Takeru's scheme, "You have done what you must and besides you honour your promise, protecting both Meiya sama and Her Highness like you promised. For that, you have my gratitude,"

"Meiya is a friend, it's only my responsibility to protect her. As for Her Highness, it's upon my duty to protect her since I was appointed to that. So, I don't believe that you owed me anything,"

"Even so, it doesn't change the fact that you have protected them as promised." Tsukuyomi shook her head, and once more emphasized her opinion. Then, Tsukuyomi paused, thinking deeply for a second and sighed, "Though, I must say that you really have no talent for this line of work. A person like you would not live long enough to see the end if you remain this way, without anyone support you."

Takeru listened and replied Tsukuyomi with a blank look, not sure what the royal guard commander was talking about.

"It doesn't matter. I come here today as a messenger," Tsukuyomi brought forth a velvet colour envelope.

Takeru received the envelope with both hands, sensing the air of importance with a single glance. The envelope has a royally decoration, unlike the official militarist envelope that Takeru used to see. It was inked in red colour with golden string wrapped around, acting as both decoration and seal.

"This is the reply of Her Highness to your proposal. I suggest that should you read it, make sure you are alone."

"Affirmative," Takeru replied, putting the envelope into his jacket's inner pocket.

"Also, the twelve Takemikazuchi units that were safely delivered, they are Lord Ikaruga's present."

"Him huh?" Takeru muttered quietly, remembering about the man who he had a meeting recently. He shook his head disbelievingly, "He did tell me that he would even out the favour but this is clearly overboard. I could not possibly receive something like this,"

Takeru understood just how special these Takemikazuchi units were, both their implication and prowess. The annually manufacture quantity of the Takemikazuchi are limited and numbered due to the fact that it was costly, extremely costly. Compare to the product cost for the Shiranui, Eagle and Gekishin, the Takemikazuchi was way more expensive to the point that it was unlikely to be mass manufactured. And the towering manufacture cost of the Takemikazuchi really reflects on its ability when comparing to other unit. They are faster, stronger and deadlier. However, what truly makes the Takemikazuchi stands out from all the other Japanese made TSFs was that the Takemikazuchi is manufactures and employs by the Imperial Royal Guard alone. The Imperial Royal Guard alone monopolizes the Takemikazuchi, both its manufacture and its employment. There has not been any prior occasion when such a large amount of Takemikazuchi given to any army like this aside from the Imperial Royal Guard. This was the first case of its kind in the history. These twelve were not even second-hand units, they were brand new.

Any Eishi, especially accomplished Eishi would die for a chance to pilot something like the Takemikazuchi, Takeru, too, was no different. He could sense the boyish excitement surging within him, and the impatience, the desire to enter a Takemikazuchi's cockpit, trying to pilot it on his own.

"I will repeat Lord Ikaruga's word, word by word. He said that it is really unfortunate that he could not see you face to face this time due to the time constraint. These twelve Takemikazuchi units, it's only a present from Lord Ikaruga to you and they are completely unrelated to the favour that he owed you. That favour, he would settle it some days. He said that it was a shame that he could not give you something better than this as he has been taking you piloting skill into account. He also wishes that these twelve would aid you well in the near future in whichever endeavour you might face,"

Takeru stood, his feet rooted to the ground as he span his brain around like a Rubik cube. While he didn't particular think that Ikaruga actually owed him any favour regarding the information he provided and the XM3, he realized that it was him who owed Ikaruga a favour the moment he received these twelve Takemikazuchi units. But he also could not return these twelve to where they are, he could not. Since Ikaruga has paraded and delivered them in such grand manner, refusal was out of option, especially when Tsukuyomi was the one who oversee the transaction.

What more, the time these units delivered to Takeru could not be any better than this. After all, Takeru's Shiranui was completely busted after the prior shenanigan and surely the other Valkyries' TSFs need some tweaking and fixing before they could be ready for the next operation. Just by knowing such trivial information, it was almost unbelievable that anyone could actually make something out of it. What a frightening person! Takeru thought and shuddered.

"I am grateful for such present," Takeru said, sweating inside, wondering why Ikaruga has regarded him in such light. Surely, with such a personality, talent and position, Ikaruga would have no shortage amount of talent Eishis and capable underling who would gladly die for him. Why such a person would go so far as giving such valuable present to Takeru to make Takeru owe him?

But wait… the Takemikazuchi was more special than most TSF, not only because it was monopolized by the Imperial Royal Guard and being their distinguished symbol, it was also known as 'a sword that picks its owner', meaning, not everyone can operate a Takemikazuchi.

Unlike normal TSF, taking Takeru's Shiranui for instance, anyone wearing a UN official exo-suit and has piloting experience could easily operate it without any difficulty. It might be his personal TSF but it would not operate for him alone. This kind of setting was made so that in the case of Takeru unavailability, someone else could take his place. However, the Takemikazuchi is nothing like that. If it was Takeru's unit, he alone would be the only person it would operate for, no one else. If a person could not go through the identification matching phrase, the Takemikazuchi would automatically shut down on its own. Meiya's Takemikazuchi was the prime example of that. In the last loop, during the second BETA invasion on the Yokohama base, many substitute Eishis tried to operate it, adding power to arsenal but none of them ever succeed.

The fact that these Takemikazuchi units were delivered here, it meant that Yuuko has already accepted that as that, giving out the corresponding personal identification data to the manufacturer. Takeru thought that might be the case for a second, then shaking his head, realizing that would not be the case since the Valkyries identity was kept a secret. Takeru sighed, finally understood all the procedures and the painstaking effort that Ikaruga went through to deliver him such a gift. Not only Ikaruga sent him the pre-order fresh-off-manufacture units but also mechanics and engineers in charge of the instalment and programming of these units from Isuzu Industry. Ikaruga made it as such to give no room for Yuuko to use the secrecy of the Valkyries' identity as a counter argument to deny his gift.

Takeru sighed again, exasperatedly, groaning inwardly with a big wow inside his mind. He has himself involved with a person with quite a big character, equally hard to deal as Yuuko. This gift he received was… nothing as it looked. It's an excruciatingly heavy gift in fact.

Tsukuyomi gazed at Takeru, witnessing the great change in his expressions and somehow was able to guess his thought. She allowed Takeru just enough time to fully understand the implication of Ikaruga's gift and the underlying meaning behind it before changing the topic.

"I know that it may be belated but, congratulation on your commission, Second Lieutenant,"

"Ah… thank you very much," Takeru was caught surprised by Tsukuyomi's word.

"Also, allow me to offer my condolence to Sgt. Jinguuji, I have heard that she was injured quite gravely during the incident. It was very fortunate that she made it through the operation."

"Thank you," Takeru replied, bittered as he thought about that.

"I was also informed that you went on another mission immediately afterward."

"Yes," Takeru nodded, realizing the lie Yuuko weaved to protect his reputation and saved him from all sort of troubles involving the black box matter.

"Her Highness and Meiya sama was terribly worried about you. I am just glad that you survived,"

"Yes,"

"It might be shameless of me, but I would like to ask of you a personal favour," Tsukuyomi stood rigidly, asked.

Takeru watched, staring as a déjà vu hit him. He immediately remembered what this meeting with Tsukuyomi is all about.

"It's about Meiya, isn't it?"

"Yes, take care of Meiya sama… I am fully aware that asking such a thing from a commissioned officer like yourself is the height of foolishness. It's indeed pathetic but you are the only one I can ask," Tsukuyomi breathed out a tense and self-depreciated voice.

"I know that you have a mission of your own but if you could, I do not mind if you do only what you can do within such constraint. If you ever find Meiya sama rushing to her death, I ask only that you counsel her,"

As Takeru listened to Tsukuyomi's plea, he again realized what kind of situation his squad was in. While the situation on Chiruzu's side was unknown to him at the moment, the rest of his squad was put in a dire situation. However, it was Meiya whose role as the Shogun's shadow and a political hostage that ended was in fact the direst among the group. Takeru realized that many people would wish for Meiya to be eliminated as soon as possible since she has become too much of a liability. Also, Meiya's life purpose as her sister Yuuhi's double has changed the moment she was commissioned. So, now, she has no other personal purpose to keep herself fighting headstrong the way she did in the past. If she still has any purpose, it would not be personal. Therefore, it wouldn't be weird for Tsukuyomi to have any doubt if Meiya would commit herself to her mission without any regard to her life. If anything, the Meiya at the moment was more akin to that of a naked blade than anything else, just dying for fulfilling her greater purpose with little to no care for her own being.

"I have no doubt that Meiya sama would listen to anything you say, which is why," Tsukuyomi said, lowering her head.

"1st Lt. Tsukuyomi, please stop that," Takeru stepped forward and prevent Tsukuyomi from lowering her head any further, "I would do that even if you did not ask."

"It's disgraceful of me," Tsukuyomi bit her lips.

"No, it's not," Takeru shook his head and denied, then cast his sight downward, "It's only natural that you would ask me of that. But, I think I am going to owe you another apologize soon."

"…" Tsukuyomi stared hard, not getting the point across.

"I think I would owe you and Meiya a big apologize real soon. I am planning to do something nasty. I don't suppose Meiya would ever forgive me for that. And you won't either, 1st Lt. Tsukuyomi,"

"You…"

"You don't have to worry. I won't do anything that might cause Meiya harm. It's probably the opposite of what you are imagining."

Tsukuyomi breathed in a quiet gasp, finally getting on Takeru's plan, "But how…"

"Of course, I have no right to do something like that, taking her battle away from her. But, that's what I am going to do regardless. And if I could not do it with my own power, I will drag Yuuko sensei into it. Meiya would not have any choice in the matter."

Tsukuyomi stared hard, disbelievingly. She was not so sure that standing in front of her was the same boy who she knew until recently. Of course, she's still being sceptical about Takeru regarding his background, but she thought that she knew what he is all about at least. She has seen how he chose to aid Meiya during the coup d'état. Knowing that it was dangerous, he still honoured Meiya's belief and helped her til the end. Yet now, the same boy who recognized Meiya not by her status but by her personality and virtue was speaking about denying Meiya of her own purpose. He was speaking about trampling on Meiya's very wish.

"I alone am more than enough. If fighting, I alone am enough," Takeru muttered deliriously in low and deep voice, turning his back to Tsukuyomi, "If that's all 1st Lt. Tsukuyomi, forgive my insolence, I will return to my post. I hope you would fare well in your post."

Walking into the night, Shirogane Takeru dragged his feet without looking back.