I know you hate the angst, but I promise it was the last of it - you'll have what you want Chapter 39! ;)

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited! :D

Starrat : I hope you'll like this one as well! ;)

mikohoshina: Soon, very soonn the angst will be over, I promise! :D

geeksdarling : I dare because I'm the writer and I know that you want so badly to see them together that you'll keep reading until it's the case, angst or not. :3 Thank you so much for what you said, I hope you'll keep getting carried away ont eh rollercoaster of emotions, then! ;) As for a box of tissues, I used a lot as well writing my fanfics! You're not the only one suffering, if it can be of any comfort? :D Waah, a new reader, I'm happy there are new people still starting to read my stories considering most of the people are the ones from my first big Haikyuu fanfic "Sowlmates" (Bokuto x OC) You signed with "xoxo", are you British? If it's not too initmate for an answer, just curious~!

cuddlebunny0330: It just happened that one of Iwa-chan's fangirl got jealous of hisattention to Kiku and got in the way of their love. So cliché, now that I think of it... I'm glad you feel lots of emotions reading my fanfics, it's my goal! :D And there's some fluff in this chapter too! ;)

AnimeViolinist001 : Happy Birthday, a little late! And I'm sorry for the disappointment...! ^^" There is like 85% of cuteness and fluff starting from the end of this chapter to... well, the rest of the story~ After Chapter 39, it'll be a 100%! :D

pinkdoughtnuts : I agree with you, but it's easier said than done. Bad words, even if you try ignorin them, always end up likke a vicious snake poisoning your mind. For people like Kiku who has anxiety and a difficult past, it's even worse. As for a confession... read thiis chapter~! ;)

Krisia : *helps you out cursing Muraki* *joins the Kiku-protection-team (it's too big for a squad, it's the whole volleyball team and her friends and family, and probably this fanfic's readers)*

forevertrash97 : You can call me anything you want, sweetie~! ;) Oikawa did nothing, why would he be slapped the poor boy?! *goes comforting a confused and whining Oikawa* Once again, Hajime TRIED, he's trying his best the poor boy as well... *goes encourage a distraught Iwaizumi* Oh dear, indebted to me? This is too much, but thank you~! :D

Aquafin : I'm glad you liked the chapters, and I hope you'll like what will happen next! :)

FANFICTION

HAIKYUU! : QUIET VOICE

CHAPTER XXXVII : Promise of Happiness

"Some friends don't understand this. They don't understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you're wonderful just the way you are. They don't understand that I can't remember anyone ever saying that to me."

― Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

"Our doubts are traitors,

and make us lose the good we oft might win,

by fearing to attempt."

― William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

"Words are easy, like the wind; Faithful friends are hard to find."

― William Shakespeare, The Passionate Pilgrim

"I'm not into convincing people I'm worthy. I'm into people who'll convince me on my worst days that I'm still worth the world."

— Unknown

"Love is the most difficult and dangerous form of courage. Courage is the most desperate, admirable and noble kind of love."

— Delmore Schwartz

"He's not the heart and flowers kind of guy, but he's the heart and soul kind, and fuck if every girl would rather that than flowers."

― Jay McLean, More Than This

"I dared to love you, even when you said you weren't worth it at all."

— Unknown

"I've had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy."

— Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

"I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. I just want you to know that you're very special… and the only reason I'm telling you is that I don't know if anyone else ever has."

— Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

"Probably the Biggest Insight… is that Happiness is not just a place, but also a process…"

— Ed Diener

Bicycle falling on the ground, Kiku ran up the stairs and straight into her bedroom, ignoring her mother calling her as she fell on her bed, hiding her face in her pillows. The scene kept coming back in her mind. More than the words of Himura Souma years ago, or Muraki's jealousy, what hurt her most was the distressed and sad look on Hajime's face when she had pulled away. He didn't understand what was happening but… but what should she do now?!

Muraki was right: she wasn't good enough for someone as breathtaking as Hajime, she'd only shame him. Himura was right: she couldn't be loved, no one ever did and no one ever will. And… more importantly than their words… she couldn't bring him such pain. Her past, her ptsd, her scars… all of it was too much for her, what would it be for Hajime? She saw her family and Yuuna so often hurt by it, ever since Hajime had learned the truth he's been… careful around her, as if tiptoeing, not being himself. She knew they all cared for her enough to be hurt by her past but she couldn't inflict it to Hajime. She loved him too much to bring him such pain…

"I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving you! Ever!"

Kiku's heavy breathing calmed down and even if she kept her face hidden in her pillow, her hold on it wasn't quite as desperate as a moment ago…

"I'm here if you need to talk to me. I'm not going to break down just because of what you're telling me, I'm your friend and… I want you to trust me. I want you to have someone, a friend, to hold onto. Someone you'll never doubt of. You're not alone anymore… okay?"

"You're the one I trust." She had said.

And yet, she had run away the moment someone reminded her of her worthless being compared to the amazing Ace. She doubted Hajime the moment he was leaning down to express his feelings for her. She doubted him at the worst moment. Was it doubt… or was it fear…?

"I trust you…" She whispered, voice smothered by her pillow, "I trust you but… I'm not good enough for you… you deserve better…"

Slowly, she moved away from her pillow and sat up, taking out her phone. She tried calling the only person she could talk to but… Yuuna didn't answer. She was at practice and even if Kiku desperately tried to call her a second and third time… she couldn't answer.

Pam.

Kiku didn't react at whatever had hit her window.

Pam.

She was pretty sure she knew who was bothering her.

Pam.

Makki was probably bored or something.

Pam.

He'll give up soon his usual, annoying-self.

Pam. Pam. Pam.

…

Pam. Pam.

Sighing, Kiku finally looked over her shoulder, sending a harsh look at the window just in front of her. Without surprise, Hanamaki was here, window open and throwing a volley ball against her window, catching it again before sending it in a perfect arc to receive it back in his hands. He raised an eyebrow as he caught the volley ball in his hands, silently asking her to open the window.

She moved onto her bed, opening the window and he didn't wait long to speak up:

"What happened?" He asked.

"…What do you mean?"

He was no fool – he knew there were about 98% of chances that Iwaizumi would confess today. These two had agreed to spend their time together after school. He had been surprised to see Kiku come back in such a hurry, looking quite distraught. Knowing the two, it wasn't hard to guess that something had happened to cause such a look on her face.

"I know something happened with Iwaizumi, what makes you look so gloomy?" He asked again, crossing his arms over his windowsill.

Kiku cursed him for knowing her too well, well enough at least to guess something had happened. At least, he wasn't teasing her. He hadn't ever since learning that she had been adopted and abused. He was not as much of an asshole anymore.

"Come on, I won't tell anyone," he continued.

"We both know you're going to tell Oikawa and Mattsun and even possibly Iwaizumi-san as soon as possible…" She mumbled, sending him a hard look.

"True, but that's because we're bros. Other than them, I won't tell anyone. Promise."

She glared at him, half-heartedly. Since when did he do promises…? Not quite knowing how to behave with this new Makki, and because she desperately needed to talk to someone, anyone, Kiku leaned against the wall, draping her arm over her windowsill and putting her head down on it.

"…I think I ruined all my chances with Iwaizumi-san… No, I never had any chance with him to begin with…" She started, looking down sadly.

"…Ok, but what happened?"

"Someone reminded me of my worth, I'm not good enough for him so… I… I ran away… I probably broke his heart again… he really deserves someone better, who doesn't have to deal with a story such as mine all the time…" She explained, eyes kept down.

Makki kept his lips thin, wondering who could have made her think this way, without being quite surprise by it. Iwaizumi was one of the most popular guy at school and he wasn't exactly hiding his feelings for Kiku – eventually, some people would get jealous. And of course, Kiku would believe them. Her self-confidence was too fragile to hold on against bitter words. Of course, she'd want the best for Iwaizumi because she loved him that much, but she didn't think she could be the best for him.

"Don't you think he should be the judge of that?" Hanamaki said calmly.

Kiku looked up at him, stunned as he shrugged absentmindedly:

"Iwaizumi isn't stupid, he never had a girlfriend before because he wanted to wait for the right one. If he thinks it's you, then so be it. Who cares about what others think of your relationship, of what you feel for him or what he feels for you? As long as you guys are happy, it's all that matters. Right?"

Kiku's lips feel open, shocked by his words. She would have never imagined Hanamaki of all people backing her up… after all these years, he was… finally acting like a friend…?

"You… you of all people saying "who cares about what others think"…? What… happened to you and your popularity to preserve…?" Kiku asked with a stormy gaze and a sad smile.

Takahiro glanced away, chin on the palm of his hand, pretending not to care when really, he did care.

"Someone made me realize that there is more in the world than my own self-centered interests. Some people get fucked up in life, they don't have to be fucked up over and over again until they can't hold on anymore. You… don't have to keep getting fucked up – by life, people… just choose happiness and ignore whatever the others would say. You're happy with Iwaizumi, aren't you? And he's happy with you so just… confess already… you guys are disgustingly sweet, it's annoying… I'm tired of seeing you pining after one another, seriously…" He mumbled, frowning to himself and trying to keep up the appearance.

She stared at him, realizing that for the first time in years, he was putting her and her happiness first. And his friend's. Their happiness, together, even if it meant being a shame to him or the volleyball club or…

"I told you, didn't I? That he doesn't give up. He didn't leave you when he learned what happened to you, he's not going to leave you now because you freaked out and think you're not good enough for him." Makki concluded, looking back at Kiku.

Unable to say anything after such comforting words, from the most unexpected person in the universe… Kiku only stared at him. Until he grinned at her teasingly:

"You guys really are idiots, though. It's impressive."

She startled in annoyance, but before she could reply something sharp, he sent the volley ball right against her forehead. It bounced back to him and he smirked at her glare as she rubbed the red spot on her forehead.

"And here I was starting to think that you had upgraded from an asshole to a regular dick…" She mumbled, "You didn't change at all…"

"All I hear are compliments~!"

"You're messed up."

"Maybe, but I'm also stunningly hot, which makes up for it."

She rolled her eyes and before she could close the window to keep herself safe from too much stupidity, Makki spoke up again:

"Oi, why do you like him?" He asked.

Kiku looked back at him with big eyes and he repeated his question:

"Why do you like Iwaizumi?" He asked, tilting his head on a side, "I know you've liked him for the past three years, but how did you end up falling for him?"

"B-because he's…"

Because he's sweet, and kind, and soft, and honest, and strong, and his smile is the most precious thing in the universe, and because he's confident and everyone looks up to him, because he's… he's…

None of it felt right. It was so much more than that. What she felt for him…

"It's strange…" She whispered, but somehow her voice was still carried over to Takahiro a few meters away, "I never asked myself why…" She realized, shaken up.

He stared at her, tempted to call her a weirdo but it was obvious she didn't like him for Iwaizumi's looks or any other petty reasons… He was tempted to know why, but perhaps she needed this answer more than he did.

"Figure it out, then go face him. It's time you act following your heart instead of letting fear control you."

He was about to close the window, discussion over when Kiku spoke up, a little shyly:

"T-Takahiro…! T-thank you… for listening to me and… giving me these advices…" She whispered, glancing down in embarrassment.

He stared at her, a little surprised, then smirked:

"Thank me with some patisserie. Also, when you'll go confess, get him patisserie too – he'll definitely melt." He said, closing the window and disappearing from her view.

She smiled lightly before closing her window and letting herself fall on her bed, staring at the ceiling thoughtfully.

"Why… I like him…" She whispered, closing her eyes.

Oikawa family's apartment…

"All right, what did you do this time?" Oikawa asked, without much surprised, when Iwaizumi showed up with a forlorn expression on his face.

"I didn't do anything! Except… maybe… I… I don't know what happened…" Iwaizumi mumbled guiltily.

"Just… tell me what you did…" Oikawa sighed, both sitting down.

Hajime flushed, not knowing whether or not he should start by saying he tried kissing her right away or if he should tell the whole thing…

"I scared her away… I-I don't get it, the mood was great, we were having a moment, I leaned down to kiss her but then… she just… ran away…" He said, shoulders dropping.

"…You confessed before trying to kiss her, didn't you?" Oikawa asked for confirmation, raising an eyebrow.

Hajime didn't answer, turning his head away. Understanding the problem, or he thought he did, Oikawa hit his forehead with the palm of his hand:

"Iwa-chan! You can't just kiss your not-yet-girlfriend before confessing! Of course she'd get scared if you suddenly jumped on her without warning!"

"Oi! She wanted the kiss! I didn't jump up on her like some pervert! I approached and I held her hand and she didn't run away, so I leaned down and waited! She closed her eyes and waited for the kiss! Just before it'd happen, she ran off saying she was sorry and wasn't good enough for me! I didn't assault her!" He exclaimed annoyingly to be accused of such thing.

Tooru opened his lips to say something before stopping, frowning a little:

"Wait… she said what at the end?"

"…That she was sorry and wasn't good enough for me… What did I do to make her think such a thing…?" He mumbled sadly, looking at his hands.

"Maybe it wasn't you."

Both Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked up when someone entered the room, Hanamaki knocking quickly at the door even if he was already seen.

"I just talked with Kiku, she's a mess and she's feeling guilty for what she's done to you." He said, sitting down casually.

Hajime groaned, covering his face with his hands, letting himself fall on his side.

"What did you mean by that, Makki?" Oikawa asked, looking at the wing-spiker.

"Kiku didn't give me the details but she said that someone had reminded her of her 'worth', and that Iwaizumi deserved someone better. Did you let her out of your sight, or did someone talk to her?" He asked Iwaizumi.

"Except Shinobu, we were together all the time and…"

Iwaizumi froze before suddenly sitting up. He clenched his fists and jaw, frowning darkly.

"Muraki… she asked Kiku's help at the end of the day and they were alone for a while…" He hissed between his teeth.

"Muraki… isn't she one of your fangirls?" Makki asked Iwaizumi.

"Hell if I know!" He growled, already imagining a few words he'd have to tell his classmate.

Oikawa and Hanamaki glanced at each other, understanding the situation while Iwaizumi cursed to himself in a low voice.

"Why would she listen to her anyway?! She knows how I feel! It's pretty obvious by now! Why isn't she trusting me?!" He suddenly cried out, sounding desperate.

"It's not a lack of trust, Iwa-chan, at least not in you. She's just… she's been hurt most of her life, she's scared… She doesn't want to know how you feel and for you to kiss her suddenly out of the blue, she wants you to tell her how you feel, to look into her eyes and remind her she's not alone." Oikawa said, as nicely as he could.

Makki nodded thoughtfully before adding:

"He's right, Iwaizumi… Which is… weird considering it's Oikawa who just said these words of wisdom."

"M-Makki! What is that supposed to mean?! I'm a very wise man when it comes to matters of the heart!" The setter exclaimed but the two wing-spikers ignored his whine.

"You know what Kiku went through, it's obvious she's going to doubt herself and have her fears coming back to haunt her, but you knew about it and accepted it'd be this way when you decided to be with her. Even though, it seems like fate has a twisted way of keeping you apart."

"I know that but… doesn't she realize how incredible she is? How beautiful, how kind and how talented and good-hearted and strong and–"

"Then tell her!" Makki exclaimed, raising his hands to the ceiling, "If you know why you like her, freaking tell her and confess and ask her out! She's troubled right now, but this is what the both of you need! To actually say how you feel instead of just glancing at each other and remaining silent!"

"You don't have to keep quiet, you can say it, it won't break what you have, Iwa-chan. If anything, it'll make everything you feel, both you and Kiku-chan, much stronger." Oikawa added with a smile.

Hajime stared at his friends, still a little confused, but knowing he had messed up by not confessing before trying to express his feelings. He'll have to say the words "I love you" before he could try kissing her. It was the best to do, say how much he loved her before he'd mess up again. He wouldn't be quiet anymore.

"Ah, and friendly advice, wait for Kiku to bring you patisserie, then try confessing," Makki added.

"What do you mean?" He asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Just to be sure."

Hajime glanced at Oikawa who seemed as confused as he was about this strange request.

"Thanks… I'll… head home now…" Iwaizumi said, standing up.

"You don't want us to stay with you? Or to watch a movie? Or–" Oikawa started, not wanting to leave him alone when he was so shaken up.

"Nah, thanks, I'll be fine…" He said with a forced smile.

Oikawa stared at him firmly, knowing that he wasn't as fine a he pretended he was.

Out of the Oikawa apartment, Hajime walked towards his own apartment before stopping. He waited a moment to make sure Hanamaki wouldn't come out to get back to his own place right away, then Hajime turned away from the door and hurried down the building. He didn't run but walked to a steady, fast pace, steps determined to get words through. He quickly arrived near the Akiyama Bakery but at this hour, with the sky shades of a light blue after the sunset, a few stars already shining, it was closed. He made sure Shouta and Nanami were out of view so he could have some time with Kiku, then he tried calling her, but she didn't answer her phone. After a few tries, he gave up and walked under her window. He took a few pebbles in his hand and took a deep breath. He threw them one by one, without too much strength to avoid breaking anything, towards her window. The constant tic, tic, tic, tic finally made Kiku react. She opened her window, looking at Takahiro's room but for once, he wasn't the one searching to annoy her. She glanced around and her eyes widened when she recognized Hajime in the mid-darkness, a few meters down.

"I-Iwaizumi-san…!" She exclaimed, blinking and flushing.

"Can we… could we talk… please?" He asked her.

"Why didn't you just… I-I'm coming, all right?" She hesitated.

She didn't wait for his answer and closed the window before taking a shawl she threw around her shoulders. She made sure her parents wouldn't notice her then she quickly tiptoed downstairs, opening and closing the door of the back entry. She looked around and found Iwaizumi hidden in the mid-darkness, between the house wall and the wooden fence.

"I-Iwaizumi-san… what are you doing here at this hour?" She asked, hurrying to him.

He smiled, a little embarrassed to come to see her when it was getting late… She had changed into casual clothes, and there was a scent of lemon all around her, the tip of her hair was still wet… She must have taken her bath not long ago and he wanted so badly to dive his fingers through her slightly wavy hair… As much as he wanted to take her hand, to hold her against himself, to kiss her… he held back, putting his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sorry to bother you now but… I couldn't wait tomorrow or send you a message…" He started, glancing around awkwardly, "I… I…"

Kiku looked down, at the path of pebbles where they stood. There was less than a meter separating them, and she wanted to walk over the distance and embrace him but… but something was holding her back. It wasn't even her fears anymore – Makki, and then finally getting Yuuna through a phone call, had surprisingly managed to reassure her that… it was Hajime's choice if she was good enough for him. She didn't feel worthy of such a man, but he would be the one to decide whether or not she could hold his hand without worry.

But Makki's question, about why she liked him, was plaguing her. She didn't doubt her feelings for him, she just… wanted to make sure she knew why she had fallen in love with the Ace. He had so many qualities and little flaws, all of it had made sure she'd fall for him, there was no question. But there was something else that made her feelings for him so much stronger. She wasn't quite sure why yet, and she wanted the time to answer this question.

"I apologize for the way I reacted earlier," she said suddenly, cutting him in his speech.

He glanced up at her, blinking in disbelief.

"I… I ran away without telling you why… it must have been awful… and I'm sorry…" She said, starting to lower her head to bow down in apology.

Before she could finish her move though, Hajime reached over, grabbing her shoulders:

"Don't! I'm… I'm the one who should apologize… I… I tried to kiss you… and it wasn't right…" He said, blushing a burning red.

She flushed as well. It was one thing living the moment when it happened, it was another when he admitted out loud he had wanted to kiss her, and that it hadn't been a dream but reality. They stared at each other, blushing. Then Hajime let go of her shoulders, glancing away and moving his hands around nervously from how sweaty they suddenly felt after touching her.

"I shouldn't have done that, it was… disrespectful… and… and… I understand why you got scared…" He continued, looking back at her.

Kiku's eyes widened, she opened her lips to answer but he didn't let her:

"S-so… I'm… not going to try that again… I promise… I won't act this way again…" He said, bowing down in apology to her.

Kiku was too shocked to say a thing, staring at him as he remained bowing down to her before he slowly rose, avoiding her gaze. But when she caught sight of his green eyes, she could see how troubled he really felt: sad but glad, but… but it was as if he had decided to protect her from her doubts and fears. Even if it meant he'd have to hold back his own feelings.

Once again, she tried speaking but he didn't realize it as he spoke up:

"So… I'll just… see you… tomorrow…" He said, already turning around.

Kiku clenched her fists, pouting a little before running the few meters separating them, grabbing his arm and forcing him to stop, as shocked as he was by her sudden gesture:

"Will you not let me talk?" She exclaimed, frowning lightly.

He looked down at her and flushed, not used to see her so… determined. His heart missed a beat. Gods did he love that look on her face…

"S-sorry…" He mumbled awkwardly.

"I wasn't scared because y-you… because you tried to kiss me… I was scared because… I don't want you to be hurt and… and if you deal with me, you'll be hurt… You've already been hurt a-and… I don't want that for you…" She said, lowering her gaze but her eyes were burning from emotions.

"Kiku…" He murmured sadly.

"I just want you to be happy… but you won't be if you're with someone like me…" She whispered, voice breaking a little.

He stared at her. They were so close, she was holding his arm, almost leaning against him and they had never been so physically close except for the hug with his vow of eternal love (without actual confession).

He smiled, not his usual happy grin, or the bright smiled he showed her… it was a smile he had never smiled before: soft and tender and full of love.

Kiku looked up, blushing under his intense gaze and beautiful smile… Both of their hearts were beating strongly, spreading warmth in their bodies.

"Kiku… I've waited for you for a long time…" He said in a voice as soft as a caress, "I never doubted a minute that you were the right one for me, and that you make me happy. But more importantly… I can't bear the thought of seeing you unhappy – your happiness is worth more than mine…"

"No, your happiness is more… is more important… than mine…" She murmured, her lips tilting up.

She lowered her head very quickly before looking up again, both chuckling softly when they realized their words and feelings mirrored each other.

"How about happiness… together…?" Hajime asked softly, with a tender smile and hopeful eyes.

She smiled back, a smile she had never smiled to anyone. Her eyes shone beautifully before she closed her eyes very quickly to take in a deep breath then looked up once again at the man she loved.

"Could you… give me a little more time…?" She asked softly, heart beating anxiously.

He looked into her eyes and behind the love and softness, he saw the fears and nerves that were pulling at her heart. He was overwhelmed by his feelings for her, he couldn't stop thinking of her – he couldn't imagine what it must feel like dealing with doubts and fears as well.

He moved slowly, letting his hand brush down her forearm, giving her goosebumps before his hand found hers. Like before their fingers intertwined, holding hands firmly. Their way of saying "I'm not letting go, I'm not leaving you".

"I will." He said in a low, soft voice.

He leaned down and kissed her cheek, right at the corner of her lips. It was a soft, long kiss, so warm it was hard for both when he pulled away, smiling down at her.

"See you tomorrow…" He murmured, kissing her temple then slowly, stepping away from her.

"See you… tomorrow…" She answered in a breath.

Their hands held for as long as possible, until he was too far away and his steps forced their hands to let go. He gave her a little wave before disappearing in the night. Kiku took a deep breath then turned around, a happy smile on her face. She bit down on her lower lip to hold back her scream of excitement then, unable to keep herself in check, she bent down, covering her face with her hands. Her little excited scream was smothered as she shook her face against her hands, too happy for her own sake. Her fingers rested where his lips had kissed her skin and her smile grew wider…

Thank you, Hajime… She thought, feeling much lighter and better than before.

All right, so the story isn't moving forward much, and ti will be the same for the next chapter because it's an entire chapter of flashbacks of basically what happened in their first two years of high-school - and how Kiku fell in love with Iwaizumi~ (the chapter literally ends at the prologue of THIS story so~)

NEXT CHAPTER : QUIET LOVE

Yours Truly,

May