Chapter 8

In recent months, it had become her morning ritual to climb out of bed and study her new body in the mirror for a few minutes before dressing and getting ready for the day. So much was changing, so fast. Some of those changes were embarrassing and not to be thought about more than necessary, like the stomach and bowel issues. Others, like her thicker, more lustrous hair and shining complexion, were just lovely. Of course, the really fascinating differences were in her belly and breasts. She'd know both would grow, but she'd been unprepared for how much they'd changed in recent months. Her stomach especially had taken on dimensions she'd never expected.

"Good morning," she greeted the baby, resting a hand on the bulge with a smile. "I don't know who or what you'll be, but I promise, you'll be the best-loved baby in the entire Empire. You'll have every advantage James and I can give you."

As if in response, the baby gave a small jump. Gasping, she clutched at her stomach, staring down at it in shock. She had, of course, been aware that it was about time to feel the baby start moving but it had been so unexpected...

Laughing and tying her dressing gown shut, she went to find James, waddling a bit as she always did these days.

He was in the breakfast room, perusing a book as he absently worked his way through his breakfast. He looked up at her entry, face lighting with a smile when he saw her, then a blush immediately creeping across his cheeks as he realized she was still in her night-things. Embarrassed or not, though, he was quickly on his feet and at her side, taking her arms gently and guiding her into a seat.

"Helen, darling, is everything all right?"

She didn't even blush any more when he called her darling, something he'd been doing with increasing frequency in the past few months, especially in private. He'd never pushed for the relationship to be more than it was, despite the endearments. They'd spent several more nights together in bed, but he'd never laid a hand on her in passion, never suggested their marriage be consummated. He was clearly fond of her, but she doubted he had any of the emotions a man was meant to feel for his wife. There were nights when she almost resented that fact, but she suspected that was largely down to the hormones of pregnancy, not her own honest emotions. She remained grateful to James for all of this, and loved her friend dearly.

"Has something happened?" he pressed when she didn't immediately answer, kneeling next to the chair and taking one of her hands gently in both of his.

"I'm fine," she reassured him. "It's nothing. I just... I felt the baby move, James!"

He made a soft noise at that, almost a laugh, reaching for her stomach but drawing his hand back before he made contact. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"No, it's all right. It's not moving now, but you can still touch."

Smiling shyly, he rested his hand gently against her belly, long fingers splayed as if to cover as much distance as possible. "Do you think it will be a boy or a girl?"

"Oh, who can tell?" she answered with a shrug, smiling and shaking her head. "Mrs. Baines says it's sure to be a boy, with my appetite and my looks. She said a girl would be 'stealing my beauty' by now..."

He chuckled at that, shaking his head. "Well, you are carrying low. But do you want a boy?"

"I'm not sure it matters. I just hope it's nothing like its father."

"It won't be, I promise," James assured her, squeezing her hand with the one not on her stomach. "We'll give it everything it needs to grow up sound and stable. Your child will be the one other people point out to their own children as an example."

"Lord, I hope not," she giggled, shaking her head.

"All right, that might be going a bit far. But she'll be a dear, loving creature."

"She?" Helen repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, I have a 50% chance of being right," he answered, shrugging.

"You want a girl, then?"

"Why not? A little girl to pamper and dote on..."

"She'll be spoiled terribly if you have your way."

"Oh, of course. No little lady of mine will ever want for anything."

She didn't point out that the baby wasn't actually his. He knew that already. If he chose to accept it anyway, that was just part of what made her adore him so much. And she did adore him. She'd realized that at some point in recent months. He'd already been her best friend but, now, she felt more for him. He was so kind, so considerate and loving. She couldn't doubt that after seeing how he reacted to her advancing pregnancy.

Sighing softly, she covered the hand on her stomach with one of her own. "Thank you, James. I don't know where we'd be without you."

"You'd have managed fine on your own. You never needed me. This is just making things a bit easier for you."

"And for the child. It's really for its sake that I'm grateful. Just believing it has a real father..."

"I grew up without much involvement from my father, except when he was trying to beat proper manliness into me. At least I knew I had a father, but I always felt more like I only had another schoolmaster. Your little one will have a better time of it. I wouldn't have it any other way."

She smiled down at him, impulsively bending and kissing his cheek. She could feel his skin warming under her lips, and he chuckled and cleared his throat, biting his lip as she drew back.

"What was that for, hmm?" he asked, not quite making eye-contact.

"Just because." Feeling unaccountable shy, she added, "You'll be a wonderful father, James. My child is very lucky to have you."

"Well, thank you, darling. But you mustn't think that this is a simple act of kindness for me. I love this child every bit as much as I love her parents. It will be my pleasure and my honour to care for her. I can't wait to see what your daughter grows into, Helen."

"It might still be a son," she couldn't help but point out.

"One might almost suspect you of having a preference after all," he teased, climbing to his feet and reaching for an empty plate. "Stomach still bothering you?"

"No more than usual. At least I'm not constantly nauseous any more. It's just heartburn and... well, other digestive issues."

"Poor dear. Better just eat a small breakfast, then."

"Oh, but I'm starving," she protested, sighing. "It's so paradoxical, James."

"Well, at least start with some toast and see if it helps with your heartburn," he counselled, reaching for a slice. "Jam? Mrs. Baines just opened another jar of the elderberry..."

"Oh, I love her elderberry jam," she groaned, wetting her lips and nodding eagerly. "Bless you both," she added, watching him add a generous layer to the thick slice of toast. "I could positively live on toasted bread if it always had her jam on it."

"Well, I don't know about living on it, but you know I always start my breakfast that way," he chuckled, passing her a plate with a few slices of the toast and jam before helping himself to one as well.

"Mmm, thank you," she murmured, happily digging in.

"Mrs. Baines says my mother always had an easier time with light foods, eaten in smaller quantities but with more frequency. Shall I have the cook start preparing food for you accordingly?"

"If it's no trouble, that might be better. I'm certainly hungry much more than three times a day as it is..."

"The baby has a good appetite," he observed, smiling.

"It should. It's big enough," she laughed. "I'm going to be huge by the time this is all over."

"Do you mind?" he asked, giving her a curious look.

"I don't know. I suppose no woman really enjoys being so massive."

"I know some go to great lengths to hide their condition, but I always assumed that was out of shame."

"For a lot of woman I've known, it is. I mean, , especially repeated pregnancy, can be seen as rather blatant proof that a woman enjoys sex," she admitted, clearing her throat and staring down at her unfinished piece of toast.

"I've never seen why that should be considered such a horrible thing," he contributed quietly. "Women aren't so different as men like to pretend and, even if they were... Well, if a woman isn't enjoying sex, clearly a man is doing something wrong."

She blushed at his words, biting her lip hard. She was relatively certain it was the first time he'd ever offered his opinion on female sexuality in her hearing. And, like most of his opinions, it quite went against the general consensus. She wouldn't have been surprised by that if it hadn't been for the topic of the discussion. Part of her had gone so far as to assume that James simply didn't have an opinion on woman in that context. The idea that he might made her think.

"You think a woman should, then? Enjoy sexual relations?"

"Why shouldn't she? You know I'm a bit epicurean. Some things simply exist to bring pleasure. It's what they're for, and they can't be inherently bad or they wouldn't be so pleasurable. Dancing, telling jokes, candied pecans, sex..."

She giggled, covering her face with both hands and just laughing at his inclusion of candied nuts in the same list as those others. Only James, with that sweet tooth of his, could possibly class sweets on the same level as sex.

"I'm going to pretend I understand the joke," he told her, patting her shoulder. "It's good to see you laugh, Helen Magnus. It's a sight I've missed."

She bit her lip at that, peering up at him. "Come now, James, I do laugh sometimes."

"Can you even remember the last time? Because it eludes me unless I look back further back than I care to."

"Well, there hasn't exactly been much to laugh about," she admitted, looking down. "It's been a horrible year, James."

"And this next one will be better," he answered firmly, lifting a hand to her cheek. "Oh, there will be so much to rejoice over, Helen, with a baby underfoot, and the two of us forgetting the bad in favour of the good. There's so much happiness ahead of us, if we just let ourselves seize it."

"You speak with such assurance."

"I feel it, in my bones. It's time to leave the past behind and focus on something new. Can you do that for me?"

"I suppose I can. For the baby's sake, I'm going to have to learn how. It's going to have a good life. We're going to give it a good life."

"That's the spirit, Helen." And, as if he did it every day, he leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly to her cheek. "Now why don't you finish your breakfast?"