Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

The Boy-Who-Lived

[Page 1 - Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive...]

"Who are these Dursleys and why are they in this story?" Hannah frowned, cocking her head to the side. Harry sighed at the mention of his relatives but answered nonetheless. "Well, they are my relatives who I live with. I guess that's why the book is mentioning them."

"So you live with your relatives?" Colin frowned, looking disappointed. "You weren't raised by Godric Gryffindor?"

"Uh, yeah, they raised me. Um, what do you mean by Gryffindor raising me?" Harry asked warily, looking completely bewildered. Hermione took pity of him and explained that there were various rumors where and what kind of life he had until he got invitation letter from Hogwarts.

"And one of them says Godric Gryffindor took me in? Seriously?" Harry gaped, unable to continue.

"Actually that's one of the sensible ones." Hermione winced when Harry all but shrieked, "what?"

"Well, there was one that stated you were turned into a vampire and was raised by them as their prince. Apperantly, I quote, 'even when he was only a year old, Harry Potter managed to prove himself worthy that the vampires decided to make them their future King. Besides, even vampires, as horrible and dark they were, couldn't resist the charm of Harry Potter'."

"Hey, I didn't know you were a vampire prince, Harry. How mean of you to not tell me." Ron snickered at his best friend who was redder than a tomato.

"Merlin, what, me a vampire? How?" As Harry struggled to form a sentence through his splutters, Remus ruffled the teen's hair fondly, noting bemusedly that his honorary godson didn't even tried to protest as he was busy processing the new information.

"That's only starters, actually. There's one that says you are the heir of all Founders and the rightful owner of Hogwarts." Neville piped in and quickly held up his arms in surrender as Harry scowled at him. "What? It's better than the one that says you are the Merlin himself who came back to Earth to save us all from the Dark."

"And it's way better than the one which says you are actually a prince who is looking for his worthy wife. It's the favorite of the entire female population. They listen to it every night as a bed night story and dream of becoming Mrs. Potter." The Weasley twin threw their own two cents in, chuckling at Harry's expression.

"Wait, does that mean Ginnny...?" He trailed off, looking horrified when he saw the said girl start blushing furiously. "Don't worry, I already overcame that ridiculous crush on the Boy-Who-Lived." Ginny quickly assured him.

"Is there anyway to erase that, that horrible lies off from the entire universe?" Harry asked desperately. "Sorry, cub, but every wizards and witches know at least one of he stories by heart so unless you are suggesting to obliviate every single magical beings on this planet, we can't help you."

"Yeah, but you can try to sue some authors who wrote those stories." Hermione offered. Harry sighed, looking dejected. "Well, I guess that's the best I would get."

[Page 1 - They didn't think they could bear it if anyone could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters]

"What exactly did they mean about that, Mr. Potter?" Professor McGonagall demanded angrily, clutching her wand so tightly that her knuckles went white. Harry gulped as he saw her wand letting off some angry sparks that almost set fire, and answered her carefully. "Uh, my parents and my relatives weren't exactly on good terms with each other and they kind of hate anything related to magic. So..." Harry trailed off, uncertain how he should finish the sentence.

"Harry, they didn't try to hurt you, did they?" Remus asked, eerily calm. Harry could almost believe he was unaffected, if it wasn't for the dangerous glint in his eyes. "Of course not, Remus. I am their nephew, after all." He replied smoothly. Well, they didn't really hit him... Okay, so maybe Aunt Petunia swung her frying pan at him whenever he did some mistakes and Uncle Vernon might have smacked him here and there when he didn't complete his chores or something, but they didn't cause any major injuries.

He must have done a rather good job, since Remus and Sirius calmed down a bit. Harry mentally shook his head resignedly. If they were reacting this badly to this one piece of information, he really didn't want to find out what they will do when they learn how Dursleys really were treating him. He expected it had something to do with a lot of yelling, cursing, jail and insanity. Perhaps he should have his wand ready when they reach that part. Merlin knew what they would do, and he would rather not have his friends thrown into Azkaban for killing his relatives or something. Full Body Bind Curse and Silencing Charm would do. Oh, he should get Calming Draught as well, just in case.

[Page 2 - Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work...]

"I do not like these muggles." George deadpanned, scowling at the book. "I really, really don't like them."

"George, I know they might sound rather rude and selfish but-" Angelina started, looking like she agreed with him but thought she should at least try to defend them, although every part of her mind was screaming not to, since nobody seemed to be doing that anytime soon. However, she was cut off by the said red head as he continued talking.

"How can they like being normal and boring stuff? That Vernon Dursley even picked the most boring tie. Why would they choose that instead of the fabulous ones with sparkles, colors and cool pictures? They have some mental issues! They should be sent to hospital or get lock up so they wouldn't spread their insanity to others!" He declared, standing up as he said the last part. People stared at him incredulously save for Fred who was applauding and shouting out his agreements. Trust the Weasley twins to focus on that fact.

"You two should be the ones whose ought to get locked up." Angelina face palmed, looking ready to tear her hair out. Katie patted her shoulders understandingly next to her. Of course, the twins ignored this as they continued ranting about how people should respect fun and enjoy the life.

"Well, they are rather horrid. I mean, listen to how they are treating their child! They are spoiling him rotten. It's a relief that Harry isn't rude or demanding." Mrs. Weasley sniffed disapprovingly at the book. Snape snorted at the comment about Harry but she ignored him and continued. "But I would've liked more if they fed him more. He is far too skinny."

[Page 3 - People in cloaks. Mr. Dursley couldn't bear people who dressed in funny clothes...]

"People should have been more careful that day." Professor McGonagall pressed her lips together as she thought back to that fateful day. "Just because the Dark Lord had fallen doesn't mean we should be careless and walk around without bothering to disguise themselves as muggles. We could have been found out!"

"Look who's talking. Remind me who it was that sat outside the Dursleys' house and read a map?" The Transfiguration Professor glared at the Weasley twins who smiled innocently back at her.

"Uh, why does that muggle hate cloaks?" A pureblood Hufflepuff asked timidly, confused. What was wrong with cloaks? It was perfectly fine, except it was a bit dramatic and uncomfortable to move around quickly.

"Muggles don't wear cloaks anymore so it's unusual sight for them." His friend explained. It didn't reduce his curiosity, though. "They don't wear cloaks? Why?"

"Well, they think it's rather old-fashioned."

"But-"

"Can someone tell me what the hell is a 'drill'?" Another pure blood demanded, albeit more forcefully. The Muggle Studied Professor answered him. "It's a tool used to create holes onto a surface."

"Holes? Why would they want to make holes of all things?" His friend patted the hopelessly baffled pureblood and told him seriously. "Take my word and just ignore it. Muggles are weird and you will go absolutely barmy before you even begin to understand their so called 'logic'."

The pureblood blinked several times before nodding slowly. "Right..."

[Page 9 - In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all.]

"How can you even stand sitting still for the entire day?" Demanded the horrified pranksters. They looked ready to kill themselves right then and there. "And why were you there in the first place, anyways?" They added as an afterthought to other's amusement.

"Yeah, and why is the Headmaster there as well?" Cho spoke up for the first time. She briefly glanced at Harry before immediately turning away, her cheeks already reddening. However, Harry didn't feel anything for her. Although it was true he had a big crush on her last year, now with Cedric's death and everything that happened, all feelings he felt for her was just gone. Besides, he would be disrespecting Cedric if he went out with his girlfriend right after he died.

"Well, since Harry's living with his relatives and he's not there yet, maybe they're there to place him in their care?" Hermione suggested as she chewed her lips in thought. She listened to the book and beamed brightly when she realized she was correct. However, her good mood vanished when she heard the other part.

"A letter? You think you can explain such situation with a mere letter?" Hermione shrieked, causing people to shield their ears to prevent their eardrums from exploding. She didn't seem to even pause for breath. "And you didn't even try to talk to them! Did it ever occur to you that they might not want to be handed a baby?"

She lectured, glaring at full force at the Headmaster with her hands on her hip. Dumbledore stared at the bright witch with barely concealed shock. Forget Voldemort. If it was discovered that something harmful had happened to young Harry by his action, intentional or not, she would kill him herself, and there was no doubt in his mind that more than several others would gladly join her. Unfortunately for Dumbledore, it seemed more probable that Harry wasn't treated as nicely as he thought if the said boy's expression was anything to go by.

Oblivious to his racing thoughts, Hermione continued ranting. "And you left him at the doorsteps! Bloody doorsteps! In November! Death Eaters could've kidnapped him or he could've had caught a cold or something! What is it with you and lack of common sense?" Hermione seethed, looking ready to rip the Headmaster's head off. She didn't even notice gazes of surprise on her, nor did she acknowledge amused look on the Potions Master's face. Only when Harry jumped up and forced her to sit did she calm down.

"Come on, 'Mione. I'm perfectly fine, see? You don't need to get so worked up by that."

"But you could've been killed! You shouldn't take the matter so lightly!" She argued back, openly glaring daggers at the Headmaster. "I agree with her, Harry." Remus, Ginny, Ron, Neville and several others voiced their agreements. Even Sirius barked once to show that he did as well.

"You know, now I think about it, it's rather funny, isn't it? Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, die from cold right after he defeated the Dark Lord." Harry snorted as he thought about it. "Rita Skeeter would've sold her mother to write that article."

"Harry, what did I just say about treasuring your life?"

Astoria Greengrass watched them bicker with mild interest and curiosity. "Hey, Daphne, do all Gryffindors act like that?" Her sister raised her eyebrow and looked at the still arguing Gryffindors. "If you mean do they all act like immature reckless idiots, then yes."

"Huh. It looks funny though." She commented, smirking slightly as she saw Umbridge trying, and failing miserably, to silence them down.

[Page 18 - He would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley.]

"Harry. What does that mean?"

Harry tried his best to hide his wince and tried to act dumb. "Hmm? What does what mean, Remus?"

"Harry, you know very well what I meant." Remus pinched his nose bridge, trying to cage the wolf inside him. The wolf sensed anxiety from his cub and was clawing to get out and kill whoever dared to harm the boy. To be honest, he would love to let him out but now was not the time. After gets a solid evidence that the Dursleys did something to his precious cub would he act.

"Oh, you know, siblings tend to do that. Squabble and mock fight and things like that." Harry shrugged, trying desperately to make them believe. Although they would find the truth sooner or later, he would like to avoid the chaos it would cause as much as possible. Hopefully when he have Calming Draught, his wand, and some ropes. Apparently, he wasn't as good at lying as he hoped and even Snape was frowning at him. Oh, joy. He now had a Death Eater after him as well.

"Hey, the book is reading a new chapter!" Harry exclaimed with false cheer, and to his utter relief, they dropped the matter. However, the Fate, as usual, was not on his side. As soon as he heard the next chapter's title, he knew he would have his hands full with overprotective, absolutely furious friends out for his relatives' blood.